Chapter Text
Transfers weren’t a common occurrence at the halfway point of the school year, but exceptions were made from time to time. Take Killua for example, a nineteen year old runaway.
He was moving into his college dorms all alone, bringing only his necessities from his old home along with him.
It wasn’t much— only a duffle bag’s worth of his most expensive paint, paintbrushes, his hygiene necessities, and some of his favorite clothes.
He’s been waiting for the perfect opportunity to escape for the majority of his life, and now here he was, standing in front of his college campus. He’d been waiting most of his life to get here, and he finally made it.
He looked at the steps that led up to the main door, smiling as his throat tightened with eagerness and nervousness— a very odd pair of emotions.
“Okay.. this is very different than what you’re used to.. but you can do this! It’s time to live life freely.. with no one telling you what to do.. you’ll be alright.. yeah! It’ll be just fine!” He told himself as he gripped his duffle bag tightly in his palm. The little pep talk of his worked for the moment as it seems he built up the courage to take his first step up the stairs.
It took a lot of courage and determination to get Killua up those stairs. With each step, he dreaded the human interaction he’d have to face once he reached the dorm office.
Talking wasn’t one of his strong points—
In fact, nothing concerned with other people was. His whole life he had been sheltered, so he had no knowledge of how idle conversations went.
To Killua, turning around and running back to his parents would have been an easier task than whatever exchange of words he had to go through at the office desk just a couple steps away.
“No.. no no no no!” He used his free hand to smack himself in the face.
“Do not think like that! You spent years trying to get yourself to freedom and it’s right there! On the other side of that door..” He tried reassuring himself as he lifted his malnourished arm up to the doorknob of the building.
A lady who looked to be in her late twenties and wearing a dark purple dress looked up from the paper she had been examining. She stared straight at Killua, squinting her eyes ever so slightly.
Killua stood awkwardly at the entrance.
The lady, whom Killua assumed to be a receptionist of some sort, took off the glasses she had been wearing— her eyes no longer squinting. “Well hello dear, you must be the new transfer student. Is that right?”
Fuck! What are you supposed to say to that?? He screamed inside of his head. He stayed silent as the little henchmen inside his brain were scrambling for a response.
“Are you alright?” The receptionist lady tilted her head to the side, looking at Killua curiously, her smile no longer present on her face.
“Uhm..” he started, but didn’t have a response. The little men in his head were panicking .
This situation stayed like this for another fifteen seconds until finally , the white haired boy uttered something.
“Yes.. yes, t..that’s me.” He said, surprised that he didn’t stutter as much as he expected himself to.
The receptionist’s smile returned. “Good, we’ve been expecting your arrival.” Her eyes travel down to the paper she had been analyzing when Killua first walked in. “I assume your name is Killua? Killua.. Zaoldyck? Zoldyck?” She sighed, resting he chin on the palm of her hand. “Do forgive me if I’m pronouncing that wrong. I’m not good with names.”
Killua took a deep breath in, collecting every ounce of resolution he had in his soul to calm his restless brain down. “No, you p..pronounced it.. uhm, correctly..” He mentally cursed himself since his voice seemed to have trailed off as he said it.
The lady didn’t seem to notice however, or maybe she just didn’t bring it up, which Killua was internally grateful for. And instead, she maintained her welcoming smile and fixated her gaze back at him. “Oh good, I try my best to get them right. Well, what can I help you with, Mr. Zoldyck?”
He stilled, but her warming smile seemed to alleviate his anxiousness a bit, but only a tiny bit. “I.. uh.. I’m here for my dorm key..” He said, tightening his hold on his duffle bag to the point that his palms became even whiter than they already were.
“Oh! Right, of course. You are a transfer student after all.”
Killua watched as the lady in front of him scrambled to look for something, presumably his dorm key.
She each drawer in sight, one by one. “Transfer huh? We don’t have that every day. It’s pretty rare here actually! But first you, then tomorrow we’re getting another—“
“Another..?” His curiosity got the best of him. He would never have spoken up otherwise.
But he kicked himself on the shin when he realized he had just interrupted the nice lady. He immediately apologized, “Ah! I..I’m sorry.. please go on..”
She kept rummaging through piles of paper and loads of unorganized cabinets. “You’re alright kiddo. But as I was saying, yeah, you’re not the only transfer this semester. A new ones coming in tomorrow.. I think.” She finishes.
“Oh..”
Their idle conversation ended after that. Both of them stayed quiet as the receptionist kept looking for his dorm keys.
Finally, she held up a pair of shiny, aureate colored keys. “Got it!” The woman huffed out a sigh of relief and she sat up straight in her chair and focused her attention back at the milky haired boy.
“Thank you for your patience. I’ve got your keys right here.” She held her pale, bony hand over the desk, waiting Killua to grab them—
Which he didn’t. He was stuck near the door still. He hadn’t moved an inch since he first came into the office.
The receptionist looked at him expectingly, her brow furrowed in confusion and a tad bit of concern.
She laughed nervously and shook her extended hand, making the keys jingle as their hard surfaces bumped into one another. “It’s okay kid, I don’t bite.”
It was only then, that Killua realized he had been as still as a statue the entire time. He mentally reprimanded himself for being so damn awkward. Since he was so caught up in his own thoughts and focusing on taking a step, he forgot to fucking respond, which of course, made the whole situation even more uncomfortable.
It took a few seconds until his brain stopped being a little independent bitch , and actually started working with the rest of his body.
Killua moved forward, barely picking up his feet with each step until he made it close enough to the desk to where he could grab the two keys. But before he could, the receptionist retracted the keys and held them tightly writhing her fist.
“Sorry, but I forgot to mention one last thing!”
The boy got startled. He flinched at the sudden movement of her hand, and got flustered right after. “M..my bad! Please.. continue..” Het stammered out, avoiding any form of eye contact with the suspecting adult in front of him.
“..Right. Anyways, as I was saying.. Ahem .. You better not lose both of these keys. Do you hear me? You lose those keys, you have no more dorm. Got it?”
Killua staggered away from her desk, somewhat frightened by her tone of voice. The sweet sounding lady he had just talked to— well— sort of talked to, was gone . She sounded harsh and reprimanding now, almost like his mother.
“Ye..Yes! I g..got it!” He stuttered, letting his past get the best of him.
Her smile returned in an instant. It was as if her whole mood change had never even happened. “Good. Here you go!” She extended her hand once more, and this time Killua grabbed it swiftly.
He thanked her and she wished him a happy stay at the university’s dorms.
He sighed once he left the room. That was scary.. is everyone in the regular world as scary as that..?
He paused in the middle of a hallway. I hope not..
He looked down at his free hand, where the keys were securely kept in. He noticed a tag attached to the metal ring that was holding everything together. He held it up to his face and examined it.
It says.. Room 305.. Guess that’s where I’m supposed to go.
He stuffs the keys into his back pocket and goes down the hall where the elevator was. He pressed the ‘up’ button and waited as the elevator descended from the 7th floor.
He held his bag firmly, waiting for it to reach the floor he was currently on.
He prayed to no one specifically as he lingered around the door.
Please don’t let anyone be in the elevator— Please don’t let anyone be in the elevator— Please don’t let anyone be in the—
His mental panicking was disrupted by an obnoxiously loud dinging noise that signified the elevator did in fact, make it to his floor.
He cautiously peeked in, and to his relief, no one was in there.
He hurriedly made his way in and repeatedly pressed the ‘close’ button, giving no one the chance to get in if they needed to. The metallic doors in front of him shut. He looked around until he found all the numbered buttons. He clicked the one that had the number three imprinted on it in big, bold font. As soon as the oblivious boy did that, a sequence of events occurred. Firstly, the button lit up. Secondly, the elevator started moving up, and fast.
“Holy shit.” He was not prepared for that, at all. He dropped his bag, startled, and his hands darted to the railing that was right next to him. Sure, Killua had seen elevators before, but he’s never actually been in one.
Is this.. is this what descending into hell feels like??
He paused, realizing his mistake.
Oh wait. I just came from there.. I guess this is my gateway to heaven.
Then it all stopped. Everything. The movement and his panic.
His hopeful thought made him feel better, he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because he finally escaped that.. horrible place. Who knows. All he knew was that he had a good feeling about coming here.
He grabbed his duffle bag from the floor and stepped out. His legs were wobbly as he was still dazed from his ‘wild ride.’
He looked around, realizing that the hallway stretched two ways. His eyes landed on a encryption on the wall.
325-350
———>
<———
300-324
Woah, that’s.. a lot of rooms.. which means.. a whole lot of people..
His anxiety was picking at his brain again— telling him this was a bad idea and that he should probably just go back home and stay there like all his other obedient siblings.
He almost caved in— almost . He was about to turn around and get back into the elevator, but he was interrupted.
A girl had just gotten out of her room and just so happened to be making her way to the elevators.
Killua was absolutely dismayed . Luckily, his legs reacted faster than his mind could even think. He ran, fast . Hell, Killua wasn’t fit in the slightest, but even he surprised himself by running that quickly. He hadn’t expected to run into someone so soon.
“Huh?” The girl could be heard wondering aloud. She was probably confused at how weird he was being. He didn’t blame her of course, but that thought really didn’t make him feel any better about the whole thing.
He had barely made it to his dorm. He didn’t waste a single second. He inserted his key into the slot, scatterbrained, as his trembling hand made it difficult to complete the simple task of getting the door open.
Once he did, he slammed the door shut. His chest was rising and falling at a fast pace. Outside, he could still hear heels clicking against the hardwood floors— the girl, thankfully hadn’t seen which room he retreated to. He thought it would be the end of the world if she did. But in all honestly, she couldn’t care less. It was college. But he didn’t know that. His social anxiety lead him to believe that everyone would care about every single mistake he’d make.
He had his back against the door and slid down to the floor. Not only because of his exhaustion, but because of his never quieting mind.
Was that rude?? Ugh, it probably was! Why did I run away like that?? Great Killua! It’s not even your first day here and somebody already knows you’re a weirdo! Seriously.. why can’t I do anything right.
But the young man caught himself. He was thinking the exact way he had done at home, feeling the exact way that he made him feel.
He shuddered at the remembrance of him . He was definitley someone that he wanted to forget forever. He promised himself as soon as he left, that he wouldn’t let his words and ways of manipulating his mind get to him anymore.
He shook his head from side to side, trying to diminish the thoughts of him .
A few seconds passed— twenty at most— and the young man stopped, took a deep breath in and out, and looked in front of him. It was now that he really realized, holy shit, he was in his dorm. And man, was it huge .
Killua slowly made his way back into his feet to take a look around. He stared in awe at his new living space. It was nothing like his old home. It was clean, spacious, and bright.
He looked down next to his legs where his bag was. He grabbed it and held it tight.
“This is my new life..” he told himself. “Yeah.. I’m already starting to like it.” He smiled and made his way to a big door, which he assumed was the bedroom. There was another door, around the same size, maybe a little smaller, but he had just assumed it was a pantry.
He twisted the doorknob and his jaw dropped .
There, right in front of him— the biggest bedroom he had ever seen.
In actuality, the room wasn’t as grand as Killua had thought it out to be. It only had a queen sized bed, a closet, and a desk inside of it. But even still, it was bigger than any other room Killua had ever stayed in.
He dropped his bag onto the floor, too stunned to even speak.
This..this is huge..! , he thought. His eyes practically popping out of their eye sockets.
He stepped closer to the bed, feeling its sheets. They were a milky white color, extremely close to the color of his pale skin.
So soft.. , he inspected, slowly separating his fingers from the soft fabric.
Moving on, he went to the closet. It was relatively small, perfect for the amount of clothes he brought with him.
“I should start unpacking.” He said, eagerly and excitedly. He scattered back to the entryway of his new room and grabbed his duffle bag— dumping all of its contents onto the bed.
Paints galore piled out.
Pastes of every single color on the color wheel were seen. Not only that, but a few mini canvases and a shit ton of paint brushes filed out as well. Other day to day necessities came out too— a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, and a small amount of clothes.
Killua grabbed all the paint tubes into his arms and set them all carefully on the desk. He spent the next hour color coordinating every single tube of paint and placing all his art materials neatly on the desk. Finished, he stepped away from the desk, viewing the final product.
He nodded to himself, contently, and plopped himself onto the silky sheets of the bed.
I’m bored.. If there’s one thing I miss from that hellhole, it’s the tv.. He sighed, deciding not to think about his past anymore, and to make the most of the present. He went through today’s events in his brain, cringing at his awkwardness from earlier in the day.
I’m not home anymore, so I need to learn how to take care of myself! It can’t be so bad here.. I just need to.. learn how to talk with people? Yeah, that’s all! Wait- I know what I can do! His little self evaluation suddenly gave him an ounce of enthusiasm.
He jumped up from off the bed and scrambled to get his room keys. He left his dorm and went back down to the dorm office, where he and that office lady had met earlier.
He went in, doing his best to mentally prepare himself on the way. The lady was still there, sitting and filing papers.
“U..Uhm.. ‘scuse me.. ma’am..?” He muttered, barely audible.
The lady didn’t move and Killua cursed himself. Was that too quiet??
He spoke up again, louder this time. “‘Scuse me m..ma’am”
The woman lifted her head and their eyes met. Killua, being the bundle of awkwardness he was, looked away.
“Oh! You’re the boy from earlier. How can I help you?”
“R..right. That’s m..me. Uh.. Wh..where’s the library..?” He asked, avoiding looking at the black haired lady as if she was a plague.
“Library? Here, hold on,” She paused and leaned over to one of her desk drawers. She opened it up and skimmed through a shit ton of unorganized papers.
Killua waited anxiously, his arms stiffly at his sides.
“Where did I put it.. aha! Got it!” The woman grabbed a piece of paper and held it out to Killua. He grabbed it hesitantly.
“It’s a map of the campus, that way you don’t get lost around here since it is pretty big. The purple square represents the library. Just follow this map and you should get there in no time!” She smiled brightly.
He looked over the printed paper, then looked at her. “Ah.. Thank you..”
“No problem kid. Come see me if you have any more concerns.” She urged and went back to filing her papers. Killua nodded and without another word, left.
It took him a few wrong turns and a couple of dead ends, but finally, he made it to the library. It had took him a lot longer than he initially thought it would have. He entered through the large double doors and looked around. He scanned the room for the on thing he was looking for—
A computer.
Killua never had a computer. Not once in his life. However, his brother had. Killua wasn’t the favorite child by any means. His resistance lead him to be one of the least favorites. His brother, whom he called Piggy, was a suck up. Piggy was nice to him whenever his parents weren’t around, but as soon as they were, he joined them in their physical and mental abuse towards the young boy. He’d apologize to Killua once they left, and even let him use his computer, but Killua never forgave him. He held a grudge .
Killua realized what he was thinking about and shook the thoughts away. Forget it. He told himself, and walked to the vast area that had rows of desks topped with lines of computers.
He sat in front one of the machines, marveling at how it was in such good shape. Upon turning it on, he was tempted to listen to music since he didn’t have enough money for a phone yet, and was lacking inspiration for his craft. But he avoided that temptation and instead, he got on the web and made a quick Google search— most popular college movies.
A ton of films came up.
Hastily, Killua wrote every single one of them down. He was extremely desperate for a regular college life and for people to like him— so desperate, he went on a couple illegal websites and watched every single college movie he had written down before the library closed.
Killua overanalyzed nearly every movie. He needed, practically ached for a normal college life. But unfortunately for him, his lack of experience on anything really, made that seem like an impossible task. But watching these movies? It gave him a sense of what real life was like. The do’s and dont’s in conversations. Basically, these overdramatized college films had taught him more about socializing than his family had in his entire life.
In actuality, these movies helped Killua a lot. He was always the ‘watch and learn’ type of guy. And he’d learned a lot from these middle age actors playing characters fresh out of high school.
Contently, Killua closed the computer and left, making his way to his dorm. It was two a.m now, and he was exhausted .
He leapt into his pajamas and crawled into bed, shielding himself with the thick covers.
Killua was never good with people, that much was obvious. His parents always told him how to act in front of others. He didn’t have a personality of his own. But he had a small feeling that all of that would be changing soon.