Chapter Text
Jungkook has been sitting at the lonely dining table for more than three hours now. It had started out like a normal morning. He gets out of bed after stretching out his sore limbs. He brushes his teeth while splashing cold water to his face. He combs his hair and throws on his outfit for the weekend. And then he walks into the kitchen where the mouthwatering aroma of breakfast food that his one and only husband would cook on every Saturday morning wafts into his nose. This was the routine he experienced in the last 6 years, maybe even longer if you count the years he had been dating Seokjin before marrying him.
But the pattern broke the moment he called out for his husband that morning. He called out once, and he only heard an echo of his husband’s name. The house was silent. He called his husband on the phone. Straight to voicemail. He called his husband’s workplace, friends, and finally family members. Again, it either went straight to voicemail or he was told that Seokjin was not there.
It was when Jungkook finally decided to sit at the dining table where plates of food were laid out– all home cooked and prepared with love. But that love Jungkook took for granted for the past months would now remain in this figuratively broken house.
Because everything changed the moment Jungkook finally noticed the life-changing files of papers sitting at the edge of the table next to the utensils and napkins. Jungkook’s heart dropped when he saw the title of the front paper in big, bold letters “DIVORCE AGREEMENT DOCUMENT”.
And this is how Jeon Jungkook, age 29, a senior graphic designer who once had everything in his life, ended up at this table with the food now cold, staring at those harrowing words.
In those long hours, Jungkook could only think of one question: why. Why did this happen? Why did he let this happen? Why did it have to end like this? Why… Why couldn’t he have been a better man for Seokjin?
It all sums up to a one big, simple question. Why?
Jungkook finally snaps out of his daze, and his empty eyes trails down from the paper he had been staring at for hours. It finally occurred to the guilty husband that there was Seokjin’s wedding ring right next to the glass of orange juice. As if the divorce files didn’t confirm the end of his marriage, the sight of the abandoned wedding ring was what broke the dam. Tears finally flow down from Jungkook’s wide, guilty eyes.
Memory after memory began tormenting his head, but the one vivid image of Seokjin’s tears of joy and giant smile when slipping the wedding rings into their fingers was the one intruding into his mind the most.
Since when? Since when was the last time he saw Seokjin smile that widely on the day he proposed to him? Since when was he able to put on that same, angelic smile to the one he claimed to love most?
Since when were they truly happy?
Jungkook doesn’t know, but he does know that he might never reach the level of happiness he attained during his first few years of marriage with Seokjin. Everything was perfect. They were in love, in sync, and most of all, just happy.
But now…
A soft ringtone forces Jungkook to snap back into harsh reality. Clinging onto whatever tiniest bit of hope he had inside of him, Jungkook reaches to his cell in his pocket, praying, hoping, wishing it would be none other than Seokjin.
Please, he begs internally. Please, don’t let this end like this. No, please don’t let this end at all. He loves Seokjin. He loves Seokjin with all his heart, no one else.
He may have run into some bumps and obstacles here in there, and there were some things he did that some may find irredeemable, but he knows in his heart that his love for Seokjin never went away. His actions in the past few months may not convince anyone watching their marriage go downhill, but Jungkook knows that there is only one person he can’t live without.
Without even taking a glance at the caller’s ID, Jungkook hastily answers the phone. He might break down bawling if he realizes that the caller was not Seokjin, so, in desperate attempts to cling onto hope, Jungkook simply answers without checking the identity of the caller.
“H-h-hello?” Silence. Jungkook’s heart speeds up faster with more tears springing down his eyes. He can’t help but sniffle loudly, angrily wiping his eyes as he tries again, “H-hello? I-is this S-seokjin?”
“I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for hyung cause I know he needs this,” a familiar yet not Seokjin’s voice grunts harshly. Still, Jungkook lets out a gasp, the hope inside him inflating exponentially.
It’s Jimin. If it’s anyone who knows anything that is going on regarding Seokjin's disappearance, it would be Jimin, Seokjin’s best friend. Well, he and Jungkook were college roommates and best friends first once upon a time, but Jungkook knows that Seokjin is Jimin’s most important friend. And ever since the first peak of their messy marriage began, Jimin made it clear whose side he was on by throwing glares and curses whenever he stopped by their house to pick up a drunk or sobbing Seokjin.
Jimin also did not hold back his growing dislike towards Jungkook to their mutual friends, mercilessly informing their group chat room that he will no longer be in the chat so long as Jungkook was there. It hurted, but Jungkook understood, especially now.
“W-what is it?” Jungkook asks in a hoarse voice, clenching his fists tightly from the emotional stress.
“You have 4 hours before Seokjin hyung takes a flight out of this country. He will be leaving in an hour or so to get to the airport to fly international. Now listen carefully asshole. I am only doing this so hyung can get closure, not for you to crawl your way there to the airport and beg at his feet. Don’t do that to him. He doesn’t deserve that after everything you’ve done. What he deserves is your honesty so he can leave without crying to himself of the what ifs. You are going to take this time and think for once in your life, what Seokjin needs and deserves after the shit he went through because of YOU. Please, do something good to him for once. Give him the signed papers and proper closure for him to move on. If I see you trying to take him back, I will not hesitate to come in and shove you to the ground. Got it?”
Jimin doesn’t give him a chance to even respond. The line goes dead as soon as the other finishes his instructions, leaving Jungkook in his own thoughts, his answer just seconds away from his hanging, open mouth. The hope that swelled inside him minutes ago has now been stomped and crushed into tiny pieces yet again. Jimin left Jungkook no room for second chances. No possibility for redemption.
Jimin is telling him to let Seokjin go– to let his marriage with Seokjin go.
The cell phone slips from his hand, and Jungkook only crumbles down to the tiled floor, burying his face into his guilty hands. Jungkook doesn’t want to do that. Jungkook doesn’t want any of this at all. He can’t let Seokjin go. He refuses to let Seokjin go. Seokjin is the love of his life, his everything. He can’t live without Seokjin. He already feels like an empty shell mere hours after Seokjin’s disappearance, and he can’t even begin to imagine daily life without his other half by his side.
He doesn’t want to find out.
Jungkook cries and cries to himself on the kitchen floor, mourning for his falling marriage (as if it hadn’t been broken already). The pain in his chests continues to build up, and Jungkook ends up choking every other sob he could release. The clock continues to tick as Jungkook weeps, counting down the time he has left to gather himself together and face Seokjin for one last time. Before he would have to hand Seokjin those dreadful papers still sitting almost mockingly on the table.
The little semblance of goodness inside him whispers to his ear, “Remember Jimin’s words.” You are going to take this time and think for once in your life, what Seokjin needs and deserves after the shit he went through because of YOU. Please, do something good to him for once.
Just this once, do something good for Seokjin. Think for once in your life.
With heavy feet, Jungkook drags himself off the floor, and before he could sink down on the couch, he stops by the kitchen counter. Originally, there were four matching photo frames standing together at the back corner of the counter. One of them was smashed into pieces as a result of one of their worst fights earlier this month. It was a photo of their wedding vows. The other three were different events and different stars each: one was a photo capturing one of their dates as shy, boyfriends completely and utterly in love. The other two were solo shots of each other, taken by each other as well.
Jungkook smiles through his tears as he picks up the solo shot of Seokjin he took many years ago. Seokjin was only 30 years old when Jungkook captured the perfect moment of pure joy running across Seokjin’s face when hauling a giant tuna. Jungkook remembers this memory clearly. His husband was gleefully singing some ridiculous tuna song while reeling his line in. Jungkook remembers hearing his favorite sound, the sounds of Seokjin’s boisterous laughter, as his husband kept pestering Jungkook that the tune he was singing would surely lure in the king of the fish to them and their little boat. Jungkook remembers scoffing fondly, holding the camera to focus in on his husband’s handsome face, admiring all of Seokjin’s features from his curly brown locks to his luscious, pink lips. Then, just when he heard Seokjin’s small gasp in surprise, Jungkook prepared his lenses, clicking the very instant Seokjin pulled in the biggest tuna they ever caught. And that was how Jungkook captured the best picture he could ever get– the priceless shot of Seokjin’s delighted face.
Jungkook holds his precious treasure to his chest, letting more teardrops fall from his puffy eyes. Then, he proceeded to grab the other frame of him and Seokjin on their favorite fair date, smiling at how young and in love they were. That is when he finally noticed, the other frame was missing: the solo shot of him taken by Seokjin. It only took seconds for Jungkook to realize that Seokjin most likely had taken this frame.
Another painful lump swells inside Jungkook’s throat, almost causing him to choke. Out of everything Seokjin could have taken, despite everything Jungkook had done, Seokjin still chose to take the picture of him and only him in the frame.
With one arm clutching onto the photo frames and the other brushing his tears, Jungkook makes it into the couch and drops onto the soft cushion. He leans his entire weight back into the seat, staring across the empty room with empty, red-rimmed eyes.
This is long overdue, but Jungkook has only about 3 hours or so to finally sit back and reflect on where everything began– where things started to fall apart. Where he will finally face his inner demons and look at himself in the mirror– the time to confess his sins to himself.
If he doesn’t, then he doesn't deserve to face Seokjin for the one last time. He owes this to their 6 year marriage, to their even longer relationship, and most of all, to Seokjin, who he can’t even fathom how much anguish he must be feeling.
Oh Seokjin. His love of his life. His yeobo. His everything.
I’m so sorry
Jungkook closes his eyes, and his mind takes him back to three months prior to this day, the worst day of his life.
3 months ago: the catalyst which turned into the fatal blow
Up until this point, before he who shall not be named yet showed up in his life, things were already a little messy regarding his and Seokjin’s relationship. Jungkook has been getting busier since his big promotion in the company. Because of his success with this year’s projects, Jungkook was now one of the main graphic designers in the team, which earned him more important roles and bigger expectations from his boss. Coincidentally, Seokjin was also experiencing greater success and recognition– his restaurant had just won an award as the best restaurant in the city.
Having two partners busy in a marriage is not a good recipe for long-term stability. Where Seokjin is up early and is gone for the entire morning and afternoon, Jungkook is still in their empty bed, getting up at noon to go to work. Where Seokjin returns from his job just a little after dinner time, Jungkook returns late at night where it’s way past dinner time. This would leave Seokjin and Jungkook only a few hours around midnight to finally indulge in each other– after a long day of work that is. Sometimes, they would take this time to eat a midnight snack together and talk about their day. But most of the time, too tired from their day, Seokjin would be sleeping on their bed while Jungkook hops into the shower as soon as he gets home from work.
There would be a brief exchange between them once Jungkook joins Seokjin in their bed. Something like:
“How was work?”
“Good. Thanks for the lunch, yeobo.”
“Mm. Could you turn off the lamp?”
“Yeah. Good night yeobo.”
“Good night. Sweet dreams.”
And the cycle would continue again. The weekend can be a bit of a wild card since the restaurant would either be incredibly busy or eerily quiet depending on the weather or city events. Additionally, Seokjin has a complete day off on a Monday, leaving his Sunday night completely open and ready for a rest period the following day.
On the other hand, Jungkook had two days off per week, none coinciding with Seokjin's however. Still, at least they had one afternoon together before Jungkook had to go work on a Monday when Seokjin would be home all day. There was only so much they could do to truly spend quality time together around this period, and it was only about time when their relationship started to crack.
As one or both would get busier and stressed, arguments would only stir. Their arguments at first would be about minute things such as forgetting to do the dishes, leaving clothes on the floor, or accidentally tossing an important paper to the bin. These were everyday problems every couple would fight over, however, as both of their patience were running thin, the fights became more personal.
“Just because I misplaced your files, you didn’t say I love you back to me this morning?”
“Were you really that petty that you didn’t leave any leftovers for dinner?”
“Did you come home this late to avoid me?”
One of their arguments escalated to the point where Jungkook refused to sleep on their bed that night. And because they both have stubborn personalities at times, they continued to sleep separately for a couple of days. This was the time when he came into the picture, the one who was the catalyst and ultimately, the final blow to the house of cards: when Kim Namjoon, Jungkook’s first love, suddenly moved to Busan.
It was almost perfect timing in a very bad way. Jungkook remembered that after weeks of having constant, petty arguments with his husband and days of sleeping on the couch, running into Namjoon at a dingy bar was like finding light at the end of a dark tunnel.
Jungkook remembered eating alone at a booth after returning from work. He decided to eat here instead of eating at home where it was likely that his husband didn’t fix up any meal for him since they’ve been giving each other a cold shoulder for about 4 days now. As he was silently chewing on his burger, the light on his eyes returned when he heard a familiar voice that shook his cold heart.
“Oh my god, Jungkook-ah? Is that you?” Jungkook immediately placed down his half-eaten burger and jumped up from his seat.
“Namjoon hyung?!” Standing in front of him was a tall, extraordinarily handsome man clad in a long, classy trench coat, thickly-rimmed glasses, and a dimpled smile that once shook Jungkook’s heart like no other. It’s been almost a decade since Jungkook has last seen Namjoon, yet, both men lean in for a giant hug.
“Look at you, Jungkook-ah! You’ve grown up so well,” Namjoon exclaimed, patting his back thrice.
“Hyung, it’s been so long! How have you been? Please, come sit here if you aren’t in a hurry.” Jungkook smiled when he saw Namjoon beaming radiantly.
“I have nowhere to go right now. We have all the time in the world to catch up, Kook.” With ease, he and Namjoon settled into a conversation, updating each other on their life.
Just like that, Jungkook found himself back to his high school days, wide-eyed, star-struck, and curious eyes staring into the man he always admired. His ears sharpened to listen to every word Namjoon uttered, fascinated by all the stories the older, wise man was telling. Jungkook learned about Namjoon’s current occupation as a diplomat, which he wasn’t too surprised to learn. Namjoon was always an eloquent speaker– he had many other talents as well, but add in strong persuasive skills, communication abilities, and incredibly high intellect… Namjoon could as well be the president and Jungkook would still not have been fazed.
“That’s amazing,” Jungkook whispered, chewing on his last bit of his fries as Namjoon finished explaining his last expedition.
Namjoon chuckled with a faint blush on his cheeks, “It’s nothing really, I am not the one who makes the biggest call, but at least it’s something to improve relations between our nation and other big, foreign countries. Anyway, let me hear about you. I’m so swept away with boring government stuff, my love life is lackluster. Bet you have much more exciting stories to tell, hmm?” Both pairs of eyeballs automatically landed on the glistening diamond sitting prettily on Jungkook’s ring finger, to which Jungkook nervously laughed and slowly covered the jewel with his other hand. He didn’t know why he consciously hid his wedding ring from their sight, but that certainly got Namjoon’s attention.
“It’s not always exciting. Being married that is,” Jungkook mumbled, avoiding Namjoon’s curious gaze.
“Oh… is everything alright, Jungkook-ah? I can listen.”
Jungkook quickly waves his hand in response, “Oh no, everything is all good. Just right now, I’m in an argument with my husband, and it’s been going on for days. I really love for you to meet him one day, but we are just not in our happiest times. It’s one of those bad times, you know?” Namjoon nodded in sympathy while reaching over to gently pat Jungkook’s hand.
“I’m sorry to hear about that. But please, if you are needing an ear or shoulder or anything really, I’m here now. I’ll probably be around for a while since I’ve been assigned here in Seoul for a long project. I would love to reconnect with you again, Jungkook-ah.”
Jungkook smiled, heart beating in excitement. “I would love that too, Namjoon hyung. It really has been a while, huh?”
“It has been. But I’m glad that we met again. We were really close back in the day.”
“We were…” Jungkook whispered, voicing trailing off. High school best friends. First crush. First love. Biggest heartbreak. Yet, besides that one heartbreak, there was nothing but good memories with Namjoon.
“Would you like to go grab a cup of coffee sometime?” Jungkook was met again with those precious dimples he once loved.
“I would love to. How does tomorrow noon sound?”
“That would be perfect. I go to work just before two, so I can definitely stop by to grab some food and coffee.” Namjoon smiled bashfully again, and in seconds, the two were smiling and giggling to themselves like old times. Their little moment suddenly bursted when Jungkook’s phone started to ring. Jungkook fished out his cell, and eyes widened when he saw Seokjin’s name on the screen.
“Husband calling?” asked Namjoon. Jungkook gave a quick nod before answering his call.
“H-hello?” There was a brief moment of silence. Then, Jungkook heard a sigh of relief at the other end of the call.
“When are you coming home? It’s late.” Jungkook quickly checked the time and let out a small gasp. It was past midnight. He hadn’t realized how much time had passed while conversing with Namjoon.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry about that, hyung. I’ll be home very soon. See you.”
“See you–” but Jungkook had already hung up the phone before hearing Seokjin’s goodbye.
Gathering up his stuff and also cleaning up his plates, Jungkook flashed an apologetic smile to his old friend. “I’m sorry for leaving in a hurry, hyung, but I have to get home soon. But I’ll see you tomorrow for coffee?”
Namjoon nodded excitedly. “Yes, and it’s all good, please return to your place safely, Kook-ah. Do you need a ride back home? You did had a glass of wine–”
Jungkook shook his head, “No, but thanks so much for the offer. Anyway, it’s so good seeing you again. Bye for now!” Jungkook quickly thanked the bartender for his good food and rushed to his car. It wasn’t just past midnight. It was nearly 2 am, and Jungkook never returned this late on a Monday night. The roads were empty, and it didn’t take too long for Jungkook to return to the house.
To his surprise, his husband was waiting for him on their couch when Jungkook quietly entered inside. Seokjin immediately stood up the moment Jungkook stepped one foot to the floor, arms crossed and eyes trained onto his own. Jungkook knew that he was at fault for not notifying Seokjin or at least giving Seokjin a heads up that he would be coming this late, but he couldn't find it in himself to mutter out the first “I'm sorry.”
It was Seokjin who started giving him the cold shoulder! He was the one who refused to acknowledge him for the last few days, and didn’t even bother to leave him any dinner when he knew that Jungkook didn’t have time to make dinner these days. Sure, both are probably in the wrong for their most recent fight (Jungkook had long forgotten how the fight even began or it was even about at this point), but Jungkook only knew that he didn’t want to give in first this time around.
However, all his bitterness went down the drain when his eyes landed on the dinner table. All his favorite foods were wrapped neatly on the plates, foods that would take hours to prep and cook. Seokjin was waiting for him to come home and even had prepared him dinner.
His husband let out a sigh, breaking the awkward silence. “Where have you been? Dinner has gone cold, but I can still reheat it if you’re hungry. Do you want me to reheat it now?”
Jungkook swallowed. He then shook his head, “No, I’m fine. I already ate. But thank you for preparing me bulgogi, kimchi jjigae, and japchae. I’ll have it tomorrow morning.” Seokjin gave him that look. Jungkook sighed as he placed his jacket on the coat hanger and walked up to where his husband was standing. He reached out to gently grab hold of one of Seokjin’s hands and placed a soft kiss on each of his knuckles as a physical sign of apology.
“Really, thank you for the dinner, yeobo. I didn't know you would prepare me something, I was eating at a bar, and I lost track of time when I met one of my old high school friends there. I didn’t realize how long we were talking, but it wasn’t right for me to at least not let you know that I would be there so long. For that, I’m sorry.”
Seokjin continued to icily glare at Jungkook for another minute. Then, sighing again and bringing Jungkook to his arms, Seokjin whispered, “Then I guess I should say sorry too, for whatever we were fighting about. I wanted you to come home and eat dinner with me and talk about our argument, but you didn’t come home. I was getting worried, so I finally called.”
“Yeah, I’m really sorry about that. I ran into Namjoon hyung. You know. The guy I told you about long ago.”
Seokjin let go of Jungkook and stared at him again, curiously this time.
“Oh, I remember you told me about him. Didn’t you say something about him being your first love and that he moved away to America? He moved back here?” The two husbands slowly walked back to their bedroom as they continued to talk about their day.
“Yeah, that one. I ran into him at the bar I always go to, and boy was I surprised. We talked for so long, which was why I didn't realize that it was past midnight until you called. I am going to see him tomorrow again before I go to work for a cup of coffee.”
“Oh, I see.” Seokjin was now lying on their bed as Jungkook threw on his night clothes. Then, after quickly washing up and finally joining his husband on their bed, Seokjin whispered, “Jungkook-ah, about our argument–”
“Shh,” Jungkook shushed gently, slipping beneath the covers. He quickly placed a quick peck on Seokjin’s lips and said softly, “I also forgot what we even fought about. Let’s just forget about it and sleep? You have to go to work early tomorrow, yeobo.”
Seokjin was silent at first before mumbling in agreement, “Okay. Next time, I’ll do better and talk it through. Just promise you’ll also do the same, instead having us engage in a cold war and sleeping on couches. Promise me, baby?”
Jungkook nodded into Seokjin’s chest and groaned softly, “I promise. Good night, yeobo.” That night, it should have gone better. Well, Jungkook truly believed everything was all good and perfect. He and his husband made up that night, finally sleeping in each other's arms. They promised each other to handle their arguments better. And Jungkook was reunited with one of his old, best friends. The problems should have ended there, but nope. Problems only escalated from there, and it all began with that coffee meetup.