Chapter Text
AITA: Great Saiyaman Saves the Day (But Not The City Budget)
Posted by HeckinGud 6 hours ago
(I am not The Great Saiyaman™, but this needs to be brought up, because I am shook. Have you seen the news coverage? If you haven’t, do you live under a rock??)
So two days ago, The Great Saiyaman stopped a plane (Boeing 727 according to article here ) with over a hundred passengers from crashing into the middle of Satan City. According to the pilots, the plane suffered major engine failure, and started plummeting to the ground (article here .) They were AIMING for Orange Star River to make their landing, but the plane got out of control and it was headed straight into the center of the city. It’s been estimated (article here and here ) that if the plane hit the city, there would have been a death count well into the hundreds, with hundreds of millions of zenni in damage to the surrounding buildings. AKA: bad dog no biscuit, do not pass go, these aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
Then Saiyaman appears, flies under the plane, grabs it in mid-flight, and guides it through the city, dodging buildings and skyscrapers, to slowly come to a halt in a local park. Great news, right?
Apparently the mayor doesn’t agree. The city council is fining Saiyaman for the damages to the park—despite no one being injured, including the 100+ passengers aboard, and avoiding utter catastrophe in downtown.
But hey, the Hercule statue got demolished, so clearly he didn’t Superhero well enough. Git gud Saiyaman.
Apparently the fines were originally going to be hefted on the airline buuuuuuut their lawyers blocked that shit real quick and passed the buck onto Saiyaman, because who’s going to defend someone with no legal presence? There is currently a reward for any information on the identity and whereabouts of Saiyaman. Because of course there is.
TL:DR; our dorky resident superhero saves the day, but it’s not good enough because he broke a few inane things while saving hundreds of human lives. Because, capitalism.
If there was ever any sign that this is the end times, this is it.
So here’s the question. Saiyaman: is he the asshole?
329 Comments
BasePeach - 6 hours ago
Fake. It’s a media conspiracy, people can’t fly.
DollHannah - 6 hours ago
First
LimeBaby69 - 6 hours ago
— You’re not the first idiot try again LOL
SaiyaFlan - 6 hours ago
This sounds an awful lot like what Saiyaman would say... Just saiyan (Get it, saiyan? Like Saiyaman???)
LimeBaby69 - 6 hours ago
— And we have a winner for worst dad pun
HerculeLovin - 6 hours ago
HERCULE SAVED US ALL NO ONE DESECRATES HIS STATUE AND GETS AWAY WITH IT
4ll_H4il_S4t4n - 5 hours ago
— OMG I luv Hercule ;_;
PunksPundit - 5 hours ago
Slow news day I guess if we’re debating whether some vigilante who runs around vandalizing things is an asshole or not. Have you seen those ridiculous poses? YTA
ScienceRebel621 - 5 hours ago
Did we watch the same video?!? Saiyaman saved hundreds of people, but y’all are pissed because he messed up some landscaping doing it. NTA
BookBB4Eva - 5 hours ago
— because inanimate objects are clearly more important than people's lives in the real world. Duh /s
SaveMeSaiyaman - 5 hours ago
Uuuuuuuh did you see those biceps??
ButterStutter - 4 hours ago
— And triceps and deltoids and brachioradialis and he’s basically a real life anatomy chart come to life…
StyleTigerRAWR - 4 hours ago
— Nerds. Oof. But also… oh god yes I did WOW
Chad_Da_Beast - 5 hours ago
Okay but, why the hell didn’t he just stop the plane before it even reached the city? I timed it, and Saiyaman spent almost two minutes moving the plane through the city before hitting the park. Yet, he got to the plane BEFORE it hit the city line. He was just milking it for attention and it backfired. YTA.
Smartphones were overrated. It had nothing to do with instant access to the world’s collective knowledge (which Gohan loved) and everything to do with instant access to everyone's bad opinions (which he hated.)
Specifically, everyone’s opinions on his alter ego, The Great Saiyaman. Emphasis on GREAT, thank you very much.
The outfit isn’t THAT bad… right? Gohan sighed, set the phone down on his desk, and turned it on its face so he wouldn’t have to see the notifications popping up every few seconds. He debated turning it off, but too many formative years of fights to the death and unexpected danger bred deep instilled vigilance.
Plus, who knows when mom will need anything. There had been far too many times when his mother texted him frantically about doing one errand or another in the city before he left class. Mount Paozu was far removed from the bustling city; Gohan being at classes during the week gave Chi Chi an excuse to indulge in food stuffs and sales that otherwise would have been too much of a hassle to bother with. It wasn’t uncommon to spend the hour after school searching the city for this or that.
Gohan didn’t mind. The more he explored the city, the more entranced he was with the sprawling roads filled with stopped traffic, giant skyscrapers reaching into the clouds, the noxious smell of burned gasoline, and chatter of more humans than Gohan had probably seen in his whole life before he started school. Not to mention, it helped him navigate it easier as Saiyaman.
Granted, he could never live there. He had long since accepted that the part of him that was Saiyan would always crave the wild, unknown reaches of isolated and untouched wilderness over the cold metal, and concrete confines of civilization. He liked the crowds well enough in small doses—oh god, the smells alone were an experience to someone more used to the smell of petrichor and decaying leaves—let alone the sounds of chattering that was a blanket over the backdrop of accelerating cars and angry horns blasting. But after a few hours, something ached in him for the thrumming waterfall that Piccolo liked to meditate by.
Still, it was nice to visit. Especially when it came to taking down “bad guys” that couldn’t hold a candle to his seven-year-old brother. For the first time in his life, fighting and defeating villains didn’t involve overpowered aliens, his family and friends dying to save him, or spending years frantically training day and night for an uncertain future. For Gohan, being a superhero was almost a vacation, a chance to enjoy fighting in a way he never had before. It was magical.
At least, it had been. That was before. Before Bulma gave him a top of the line myPhone for his birthday. Before Erasa had shown him how to use social media. Before Videl showed him UTube.
Before he realized that Saiyaman was alternatingly the city’s laughingstock, “Most Eligible Superhero” slash “Satan City’s Sweetheart”, or a masked vigilante and vandal with an increasingly large amount of fines from the city treasury.
Gohan glared at the innocuous device as if it were the reincarnation of Cell, then couldn’t stop a weary snort at his own thoughts. Cell. Cell phone. Oh god, dad would be proud.
At a high pitched squeal next to him, Gohan barely stopped himself from leaping off the chair into a fighting stance when he realized it was Erasa. She was fanning her face as she looked at her phone, jumping up and down in her chair. Her lips were tightly sealed, but there was a lovestruck smile on her face that pushed her cheeks into dimples as she started to frantically poke Videl sitting next to her.
For her part, Videl fired a stony glare at the over-excited blonde. Unimpressed, Erasa leaned in close, and it’s only Gohan’s enhanced hearing that allowed him to understand the frantically whispered conversation.
“Oh my god, it’s been delivered, Videl! It’s early. Oh, I can’t wait until I get home!” Erasa seemed to think this was explanation enough, stifling an excited giggle into her fist.
“Ugh, Erasa, what are you even talking about?” Videl took Erasa’s phone, the blond clearly too hysterical to form a coherent explanation. There was a pause as Videl scrolled through the phone before her neck and cheeks turned a surprising rosy pink. “Oh god, Erasa, you didn’t. Seriously?”
If Gohan wasn’t curious before, he was bursting at the seams now to subtly listen in on their conversation. Though he realized it was hypocritical of him (he is a half-alien that can fly, and defeated his first super-villain at eleven after all—none of which his friends knew) it was always difficult for him not to know the goings on in his little quartet of friends—too long of being the outsider, unaware of the goings on around him. Sometimes it was like they spoke a language he didn’t understand; one he is slowly learning, but it doesn’t prevent him from often feeling left out. In the year he’d attended Orange Star High, Videl, Erasa, and Sharpner had become close. Well, as close as he could ever be to ‘uninitiated’ humans.
And boy, did that thought sober his anxious curiosity. It’s not very fair for me to be so nosy when I’m hiding so much from them, is it?
It’s not that he hadn’t wanted to tell them; Videl if no one else, with her being around Saiyaman so much. But it had never been the right time.
Maybe it never would be.
“Oh come on, Videl. Do you know how hard it was to get a hold of one of these? They only made 500 and they sold out in fifteen minutes. It’s made by Play Arts Cai, it’s completely poseable, and look at those biceps! And how detailed it is, you can see every fold of his tunic. There’s a tiny little antennae on his helmet, see? He even talks when you press on his visor!”
Videl for her part looked more and more horrified as Erasa listed the qualities of… what exactly ?
“It’s a Saiyaman Barbie, Erasa,” Videl deadpanned. “I don’t get what the big deal is.”
Wait, what??
Erasa, seemingly aghast at Videl’s enthusiastic response, snatched her phone back and held it close to her chest. “It is not a Barbie! It’s an action figure . And you’re just mad they made one of Saiyaman and not you.”
Videl eyes narrowed, her face reddening. She speaks between clenched teeth, slowly as if talking to a child. “The only reason I don’t have an action figure is because they can’t make one without my permission. Saiyaman isn’t a copyrighted figure or a registered name, so he’s free game. That’s all! Ugh. It’s stupid. He is stupid.”
“Oh, I see,” Erasa hid her face behind her phone, but from his angle Gohan could see the mischievous glimmer in her eyes. “So you don’t want one, then? Shame.”
Videl straightened, voice tense. “You just said they sold out. Even if I wanted one— which I don’t —they’re gone.”
“Weeeeell, I may have ordered you one too,” Erasa wiggled in her seat, like she had Videl just where she wanted her and they both knew it. “But if you don’t want it, I guess I could give it to Sharpner. Hey, Sharpner!”
The blond, who had been staring off and nearly asleep next to Videl, jumped at hearing his name. He blinked, eyes darting around before realizing the teacher was still drawing on the board and that it was Erasa who had called his name. “What?” he grumbled.
Videl’s gaze turned frantically between them. “Hey, wait a minute -”
“Do you want an exclusive, limited edition Saiyaman action figure?” she sing-songed as she waved the phone in front of her.
Sharpener yawned, seemingly unimpressed and bored. “How much do they sell for? I could use some extra cash.”
“What?! No! That’s not—” Videl grabbed for Erasa’s phone but she held it out of reach.
“They’re going on ebay for over a hundred thousand yenni last I checked. Which is crazy, I only spent twenty thousand.”
Videl’s face took on a greenish palor, eyes boggling at the amount. “You spent how much ? What the fu—”
“I’ll take it off your hands, then,” Sharpener interrupted. He stretched his hands in front of him, cracking the knuckles where the clasped as if the whole conversation was already tiring him. “I’ll sell it and pay you back what you bought it for.”
Videl bared her teeth, snarled, “Hey! That’s my—”
“That’s your what, Videl?” Erasa asked, the corners of her mouth upturned in a knowing cheshire grin. “I thought you didn’t like, oh what did you call him? Saiyadork?” She sighed. “More like Saiya- dahmn. ”
“Please,” Videl started between clenched teeth, “Never say that again.” Her shoulders rose and fell with barely contained frustration.
Gohan couldn’t help but quietly agree. I didn’t need to hear that from you, Erasa. Or anyone, come to think of it.
Videl regained her composure, straightening her back and turning to Erasa with steely determination in her tone. “You bought it for me, so I’ll take it. My mother always said to be gracious when receiving a gift.” She paused. “Besides, I can yell at it when Saiyadork pisses me off.”
Erasa rolled her eyes, amusement plain on her face. “Sure you will.”
And then Erasa did something that made Gohan’s heart flutter in panic, and he gripped the table a little too tightly if the quiet cracking of wood was any indication. She turned to him and said: “What about you Gohan?”
He blinked. His eyes quickly flicked over to Videl, then Sharpner, but both of their gazes were now fixed on him. “Me?” he asked, stupified.
Erasa twirled a stray curled bang in her fingers, eyes full of curiosity as she addressed him. “You never really say anything when we talk about Saiyaman.”
“Oh,” he replied dumbly. First in your class, my ass. Think of something! “Well, I…Don’t really have any opinion I guess?” He shrugged.
Next to him Videl rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, turning her gaze to the window. “He’s just mad because I was so certain he was Saiyaman, until I realized what a bookworm he is.”
Gohan nodded, quick to jump on any excuse to move the attention away from him when it came to his alter ego. “I mean, you’re not wrong. I am a bookworm.”
“Oh! Speaking of Saiyaman, Videl.” Erasa’s face took a turn, frustration oozing from her features and she turned on her best friend with fierce concentration.
“I’ve waited for over a year for you to get me Saiyaman’s autograph,” she said, pointing an accusing finger at her. “You see him all the time , but I bet you’ve never asked, have you?”
Videl rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I see see him. He pops in, knocks the bad guys out, does some stupid poses, then flies off,” she gesticulated as she answered, rude hand gestures interspersed with what she must have deemed hand signals for the aforementioned ‘Saiyaman poses.’ “When exactly am I supposed to ask?”
Erasa pouted, then turned to face the front of the class with her arms crossed. The silent treatment lasted a full forty-two seconds (Gohan counted) before Videl acquiesced, throwing her hands up.
“FINE,” Videl said, rubbing at her eyes. “I’ll get your stupid autograph.”
Erasa squealed, and Gohan dared a gaze to the front of the class where the teacher was still droning away. Public education is pretty lax isn’t it?
“Here, I put together a page for my scrapbook,” Erasa pulled from her backpack a binder covered in glitter and magazine clippings. She opened to a page that was lined in hearts. One heart in particular was framing a photo of Saiyaman in flight from a distance. Oh my god…
“It has to be on this page!” Erasa tapped the center of the paper repeatedly for emphasis. “And don’t forget to take a photo when he’s signing it, or it doesn’t count.”
Videl had looked like she wanted to vomit when she saw the aforementioned scrapbook, but was pulled out of her stupor at the request. “Who cares about a photo? That’s only for collectors to authenticate that it was him, not just for something personal like this.”
Erasa folded her arms, chin turned up and mouth in a line. More resolved than Gohan had ever seen her before. “And who says I’m not a collector? This is serious business.”
Videl rolled her eyes. Again. “As serious as Saiyaman gets, I guess.”
Erasa sighed. Again.
Why are these two friends? Gohan thought. There has to be a story here…
“You just don’t get the appeal Videl,” Erasa said, shaking her head as if Videl was being the ridiculous party.
Videl smirked at Erasa, but it was lined with subtle fondness. “I really, really don’t.”
Erasa wasn’t mollified. She pouted, unamused at the teasing.
Videl must have realized she had gone too far. She inhaled and seemed to gather herself. Her next words were more earnest, even though they still held a trace of frustration. “Alright, alright. Why don’t you explain it to me then?”
Erasa’s face brightened, and she opened her mouth to reply—
“Why don’t you two stop chattering and listen to my explanation of the meaning behind The Catcher in the Rye , and why Salinger chose that title? Or would you prefer to write an essay about it in detention?”
Trending on Orange News:
- He Visited West City for his daughter’s wedding—and left with a half a million zenni medical bill
- Brain & Brawn: Dr. Bulma Briefs on why Saiyaman is the Hero Satan City deserves
- Surgeon General warns that social media may not be safe for kids
- Yamcha drops shocking World Martial Arts Tournament revelation amid Orange Star Baseball World Series heroics
Gohan stared at an article on his phone, his mouth slowly dropping open as his heart raced. “Oh, shit.”