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With a bottle of whiskey in his hand, Kaidan paced up and down in the small hallway between the elevator and the Captain's cabin. He didn't know how to do this but he couldn't wait any longer.
Since their last night together, Kaidan and Shepard barely saw each other. They exchanged a few words, but all of them were about work. But he had to talk to Shepard now. With the raid on Cerberus ahead, he didn't know if he would ever have the chance to talk to Shepard again.
Agitated, Kaidan sighed again. He really needed Shepard right now. Or more important, Shepard needed him. When the door slit open, he nearly bumped into the Commander. Of course, Shepard wasn't resting. With one data-pad in his hand, the commander looked surprised but exhausted.
“Can't sleep, either?” Kaidan whispered and invited himself in.
“No.” Shepard sighed and leaned against the door frame.
“Making yourself crazy with this won't help.”
“Kaidan, I need to....”
“Shh... just take five minutes. A quick drink, then I'll go.” He didn't come here to let Shepard throw him out. Pouring the whiskey, Kaidan caught a faint smile on Shepard's face. “John, you know that you've done everything you could, right? Take a little time for yourself.”
He didn't get an answer, instead, two strong arms wrapped themselves around Kaidan's waist and the major smiled. Shepard's lips were on the back on his neck and Kaidan closed his eyes to take in the sensation. He'd missed this. Shepard's warmth. Shepard's scent. Shepard's lips.
He tilted his head to the site to make more space for the commander to kiss. His hands covered Shepard's, pressing them tight against his body. The feeling of such proximity was so calming; Kaidan realized just how much he'd longed for it.
One of Shepard's hands slipped out of his grasp and skilful undid the straps of his uniform. Feeling the cold air of the cabin on his skin and Shepard's teasing tongue on his neck, Kaidan felt his nipples harden and his loins twitch. Shifting slightly in Shepard's embrace, Kaidan moaned faintly.
“John...” he whispered. This was much more better than he'd hoped.
Shepard only gasped and pressed his hips against Kaidan's backside. One of his hands found Kaidan's stiff nipples and pinched it. Kaidan yanked his head backwards with a moan and instantly felt Shepard's tongue on his earlobe.
“Ah...” he groaned one hand on the back of Shepard's head.
“Kaidan, I missed you,” the commander whispered faintly. “I wish we have more time.”
“I'm here, John,” Kaidan turned in Shepard's arms and gently kissed the commander's forehead. “I'm here.”
Shepard closed his eyes and his scared fingers traced Kaidan's abdomen. He buried his nose in Kaidan's neck and breathed in deeply. Then, Kaidan felt a shiver went through the Spectre and he gently padded the man's back.
Shepard wasn't crying, was he?
“Commander?”
“Don't call me that.”
“John.”
“Kaidan, I am so sorry.”
“What's wrong?”
“I hurt you.” Shepard voice was heavy with guilt. “I am so sorry.”
Something wet dropped on Kaidan's bare shoulder and he knew, Shepard really was crying. He'd seen many things in his life and faced countless enemies with a heart of flint. But the simple thought of Shepard crying on his shoulder made his entire being melts.
“John, I....” He hesitated, not knowing what to say. “It's all right.”
“No, it isn't!” Shepard gasped. “I hurt you in the worst way possible! I abused the one thing that meant the most to me! To us!”
“Shh....”
“Kaidan, I'm supposed to be your sanctuary. But when I look at you, I know I wasn't any better than the Illusive Man.”
“Don't say this!” Kaidan pulled Shepard head away from his shoulder and cradled his face in his palms. Looking deep into Shepard's eyes, which weren't glowing red anymore, he smiled reassuring. “You're nothing like that monster. You're a great man, John Shepard. But sometimes, even the greatest of us has a weaker moment. I understand that.”
“You're still so good to me, though I don't deserve it!” Shepard closed his eyes in pain, moving away from Kaidan. “I really missed you.”
“Why didn't you come to me?” Kaidan wondered, not letting go of Shepard's hand. “I waited for you, but you....”
“I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me. Ever again.” he lowered his head in shame and Kaidan saw his lips tremble. “You were avoiding me, so I thought, maybe that's it. And Kaidan, I won't blame you, if you choose to...”
“I swear if you break up with me now, I'll kill you.” Kaidan threatened. Though his words were harsh, his voice sounded as soft as ever.
“You still want to be with me?” Shepard's eyes widened. “After what I did? After you've seen what a monster I am? Why?”
“Because I love you, Stupid.” Kaidan extended one hand and for a second he wasn't sure if Shepard was going to take it or not. But eventually, Shepard did move closer and Kaidan welcomed him with a firm embrace. “I can't say that I enjoyed what you did, but John, no matter what a jerk you can be, you're still mine.”
“God, Kaidan!” Shepard gasp, half relieved, half surprised. “I need you! I swear I'll never drink again. I'll never hurt you again, I promise.”
“I know,” Kaidan said, padding Shepard's back. “I know.”
Then suddenly, the commander jerked backwards and grabbed Kaidan on the shoulder. Caught completely off guard, Kaidan's panic returned. The images of his abuse flashed before him and he could almost feel the humiliation on his mind. His muscled tensed and his breathing quickened.
“John....” he asked carefully, not wanting to trigger something dark. “Are you okay?”
“I'm sorry.” Shepard sounded almost desperate. “I didn't mean to. Look, you're still afraid of me. You still don't trust me.”
“I do, John.” Kaidan smiled, slightly confused. “I said I would never doubt you again, and I want to keep that promise. It's... just give me a little time okay?”
“Whatever you need, Kaidan.” Shepard whispered. “I will give you anything, as long as it's mine to give. But for the start....”
Then, the commander started to remove his own cloth. He started with his leather jacket and Kaidan found the way Shepard did this without breaking eye-contact very sexy. Then Shepard tugged the fingers in the collar of his shirt and with a smooth motion, he pulled it over his head. When Shepard popped open his belt, Kaidan gasped.
Though the commander's striptease was all but professional, Kaidan enjoyed every minute of it. He watched how Shepard stepped out of his shoes and how he dropped his pants. Kaidan always loved the muscles on Shepard's tights and the way the commander moved towards him with nothing but his black boxers was more erotic than any stripper he'd seen.
With only centimetres parting them, Shepard dropped his underwear, exposing himself completely. He then finished a full turn and spread his arms to the side.
“Do with me as you please.” He whispered. “I'm yours, Kaidan.”
For a moment, Kaidan thought of all the things he'd planned for revenge. How he wanted to make Shepard pay and how he wanted to try all those dirty things he'd never had a chance to do. He wanted to hear the commander scream his name. He wanted to hear the commander beg.
But not tonight. Tonight, all he wanted was to love.
“All I want is your heart, John,” Kaidan whispered while his fingers traced along Shepard's scars. He dropped his own open uniforms and lead Shepard's hands to his belt.
Shepard smiled and dropped to his knees. Kaidan gasped as he watched how the naked man undid his pants and how Shepard closed his hands around his very aroused cock. He moved his hips a little forward and Shepard opened his mouth.
The feeling of Shepard warm, wet lips around his cock was enough to make Kaidan moan loudly. He missed this, indeed. He loved it, how Shepard's tongue traced the underside of his length while his fingers closed around his hips. To see how his cock disappear in Shepard's mouth again and again only amplified the lust in his body. He felt himself grew even harder and bigger between those full lips and Shepard sucked it with such determination, Kaidan gasped out loud.
Shepard was doing a great job and Kaidan watched with pleasure. Cheeks blushed with lust, Shepard glanced up at him with his mind-blowing blue eyes. Moaning, Kaidan tried not to lose control. With his hands on Shepard's skull, Kaidan felt his keel buckled.
“Come here, John.” Kaidan pulled him to his feet and leaned in for a kiss.
Kaidan wrapped his arms around Shepard's body and pressed himself against the commander. He pressed his lips against Shepard's, forcing them to part. Shepard's hot tongue sent a thrill down his spine and Kaidan gasped again. He kissed Shepard as passionate as he felt, but within minutes he knew; the commander wasn't responding.
“What's wrong, John?”
“I don't want to hurt you.”
“You won't.” Kaidan reassured. “Not tonight. Now come here and love me as you used to.”
Leading Shepard to his bed, Kaidan smiled at the man he loved. His eyes were fixed on Shepard's hard cock and he smirked at the thought how it would enter him soon. When his knee bent touched the silken fabric of the bed, he wrapped his arms around Shepard and pushed him onto the bed. Then he stepped out of the rest of his uniform and crawled over the commander.
Kneeling in his lap comfortably and feeling Shepard's erection pressing against his butt, Kaidan bent down for another kiss. This time, Shepard finally returned it and its force overwhelmed Kaidan. Commander Shepard was back. He grabbed the back of Kaidan's neck and pulled until their chest met. Again, Kaidan could feel Shepard's heart throbbing strongly. No matter how many Cerberus-cybernetic was inside this body, Kaidan still knew that this heart belonged to him.
He opened his mouth to welcome Shepard's tongue while his arms tightly wrapped itself around Shepard's chest. He stroke his butt against Shepard's erection and felt the breaths of his lover quicken. He himself couldn't hold this tease any longer. Reaching out for the lube under Shepard's pillow, Kaidan closed his eyes and let himself fall into Shepard's strong arms.
“I love you, Kaidan.” Shepard whispered at his ear.
Kaidan felt one of Shepard's hands wandering along his back, down to his butt. When Shepard squeezed it hard, Kaidan gasped, feeling the lustful pain running through his body. Shepard's other hand was at his jaw. When the commander touched his lips with his thumb, Kaidan opened his mouth and his wet tongue licked the commander's fingers as he would do with his cock. Shepard moaned and Kaidan smiled.
He knew exactly what the commander liked. He gave his lover another fuck-me-glare and bent down to scratch his teeth across Shepard's collarbone. He sucked at Shepard's neck and his tongue followed the line of Shepard's throat up to his chin, along his jaw and ended at Shepard's earlobe.
In the meantime, Shepard had started to stroke his entrance, moving in circle. Then the commander slipped in a sucked finger, making Kaidan grunt at his throat. Then the commander added another and soon three strong fingers budged in and out, preparing Kaidan for the impressive size of Shepard's cock.
Kaidan gasped and the bottle of lube fell from his hand. He supported his elbows on either side of Shepard's head and bent his back, pressing himself deeper onto Shepard's fingers. The other hand of the commander found his cock and from one side he was being fingered hard, from the other Shepard stroke his part with strength.
When Kaidan though he would come in Shepard's hand, the commander finally entered him. He didn't recall when Shepard had rubbed lube onto his cock but he didn't care. Shepard moved forth and back, making Kaidan rock in his lap. The kisses Shepard presented him with were timed exactly at the moments of his rocking, and all of it made Kaidan scream with pleasure. He could hardly control his lust, let alone his volume.
Shepard sat up and Kaidan wrapped his arms around Shepard's neck and tilted his head to press his lips on Shepard's face while his lower body kept rocking the commander's cock. He bounced on and off, feeling the heat between them increase. Shepard’s moans sounded like music in his hear and Shepard's body was the rock he needed.
Kaidan had never been so close with the commander. They slept with each other before and shared many other beautiful moments. But wrapped around each other with their hearts only separated by their rib-cages, Kaidan could feel every tiny movement the commander made. He felt Shepard's cock inside him, Shepard's lips against his, Shepard's hands on his back and all together, they drove him down the path of climax.
Shepard's biotics flared as Kaidan breathed against the other man's ears. He let go of his own composure and their biotics matched just as their bodies did. When Shepard laid him down on the bed and entered him again; it was so good, Kaidan was close to tears. With Shepard's weight on him and Shepard's manhood inside him, Kaidan's dug his fingernails deep into Shepard's back.
He didn't know how loud he was; only that it was loud enough to make the commander kiss him to muffle the sound. Kaidan breathed against Shepard’s lips as the commander thrust in again and again, filling him with a fire hot enough to melt mass relays.
“Fuck, John!” He moaned, wanting Shepard to go even deeper. “Fuck!”
“Kaidan, I love you!” Shepard grunted. When the commander thrust in again, Kaidan thought he was deep enough to reach his heart.
With fingers locked into each other’s, lips, chest, belly and hips pressed tight against each other, Kaidan released his load between their stomachs, feeling Shepard doing the same inside him. For second, Kaidan saw stars. For seconds, Kaidan believed the world was beautiful and perfect. For seconds, he wished this moment would last forever.