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It was a cold day in London, but anyone inside a small bookshop in Soho would be fooled for a hot summer’s day.
"Excuse me, sir," the voice carried through the shop.
Aziraphale, who had been secretly and steadily raising the temperature of the building in hopes to drive away the patron, stepped out from behind a bookshelf with a cheery grin that didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Hello there, how can I help you?"
"I noticed you have a whole section here decided to homoerotic tendencies," the man gestured to the section behind him.
There was a ribbon with tiny rainbow flags draping from one of the shelves across to the other one. It was the most decoration he allowed Crowley to put up in the shop outside of holidays.
"Yes, we do welcome our peers in the queer community, and want to provide a tailored section to easily seek out." Now Aziraphale failed to mention that the section is a disorganized hodgepodge of LGBTQIA+ books that even the most determined of customers tend to just look at until they are disoriented and inevitably leave.
"Well aren't you just," he gave a judgemental look, " progressive ."
The temperature ticked up.
"Pardon?" Aziraphale's smile never faded but his ability to blink may have.
The man kept his proud face with his hands crossed in front of him, holding a packet of papers. His winter coat draped over his arm and a silver cross hung from his neck.
"How is your relationship with our Lord and Savior?" The age old question.
Aziraphale straightened his waistcoat and adjusted his bowtie.
"My relationship with God is strong, and private." His response was sharp and quick, a means to an end. "If you are interested in theology I do have some-"
"I just find it funny that a man like you," he looked as if he was trying to size the bookseller up, "would go against God's word and provide such evil material for children to see."
The temperature rose even more. A trickle of sweat beaded and dripped from the man's temple.
Aziraphale gave a slow almost frog-like blink, suddenly remembering it was something humans do.
"And what type of man do you think I am?" He looked the man up and down, reminding himself only God can judge.
"Old fashioned," the man had the audacity to smile, "God-fearing, you know, a real man. Not like any of these flamboyant pathetic men of today."
Aziraphale gave a bitchy hum in response, as if he wasn’t the blueprint for gay men. The man fidgeted with his collar and wiped his brow.
"So if you know the Bible, which I'm sure you do since I saw your extensive collection, you know what the Lord says about homosexuality."
The vague memory of back when God would speak more with the angels arose. Be gay! She had said. Or was it, love thy neighbor. Either way no one in heaven or hell considered it an issue.
"I'm well aware of what King James' Bible says," he said with a dead voice. Only the corners of his lips held the customer service smile.
"Good," the man pushed up his sleeves. "Glad we are on the same page. So when will you be removing the section?"
Another degree. It was snowing outside, you could see it building on the sidewalk out front, but inside it felt hotter than July.
"What section?"
"This section," the man motioned again to the books behind him.
Aziraphale looked past him and blinked a few more books were added to the shelves.
"Is there a reason to move it?" He asked tilting his head. "I can assure you the bookshelves here are very well crafted, sturdy as can be."
The man sputtered for a second. "It's obscene! You should remove it at once. Think of the children who come in here."
Children didn't really attend his bookshop, but that was besides the point. The temperature climbed again, and the man was constantly wiping his forehead, his shirt developed sweat stains.
"I'm afraid if you think you're going to convince me that aiding or being a part of the queer community is a sin, you've got the wrong shop and the wrong opinion." He stood tall, his dead, unblinking stare only added to the man's physical discomfort.
"So you'll just go against his word? Promote this agenda leading more and more of God’s children to choose a life of debauchery and sin."
Somewhere there was a queer organization that received a hefty donation in the name of the bookshop.
Aziraphale took a step forward, entering the man's personal space. " Her words said to love thy neighbor. To treat everyone equally. To not judge others. But of course I'm just paraphrasing. Being queer is not a sin, nor a matter that would even create a blip in heaven's radar."
There was a crackle of celestial energy, undetectable to the human. In a different plane of existence wings opened up, rings of gold wrapped and rotated around a bright core. Eyes freckled the surfaces peering into the man. Aziraphale shouldn't pass judgment, he was an angel of course. But he was never particularly good at following the rules set by heaven.
"I think you mean His words," the man looked like he was using all of his strength fighting the urge to flee the uncomfortably hot and ominous bookshop.
Several eyes twitched.
"Oh, no, I mean Her." A rainbow flag appeared in the window of the shop. " She wouldn't be too keen on people like you making others feel unloved or unwelcome because of something as trivial as who they love."
The man squirmed. How much hotter could the shop possibly get? Aziraphale's corporation didn't even bother to be affected by the change.
"I-its unnatural!" He spat. "why would anyone choose-"
The front door flew open.
"Hiya angel I got the foo- for fucks sake! It's hotter than the pits of hell in here!" Crowley's voice carried. "Is someone trying to buy one of your first editions? Or, oh, uh, hi."
They rounded the corner. Upon seeing Aziraphale, his celestial true form, and the unpleasant customer they sidestepped around the winged Aziraphale to stand next to the human shaped corporation. They draped their arm on one angelic shoulder and peered at the man through dark glasses.
"Who's this bloke?" Not bothering to ask the man himself.
"Oh just another godly man who was just telling me his opinions of how homosexuality is a sin."
The temperature jumped a decent amount. The waves of heat were nearly visible from every surface.
"Looking like that and having such a wrong opinion's a sin in itself," Crowley judged openly.
"Excuse me, I'm right here," the man scoffed. "Who are you exactly?"
Crowley extended their hand with a limp wrist. Had the long black acrylics on their fingernails always been there? The man physically recoiled at the hand.
"The ssspouse." They tossed their hair a little giving a glimpse of their long neck with the yellowing bruise under their chin.
"The spou… what?" The man sputtered. "I thought… but you're not.. no."
"Yes," Crowley smirked, withdrawing their hand. "Flaming as anything."
The man slowly started to back up towards the exit. Aziraphale's celestial corporation started to crack at the edges. Eyes blipped in and out of the earthly plane. The man rubbed his eyes, wiping away more sweat.
"Leaving so soon?" Crowley jested. "I'm sure I would love to hear all your wrong thoughts about our lifestyle, don't you agree, angel ." They were laying it on thick.
Aziraphale only hummed in response, holding back all rage engulfing his insides.
"I-I've clearly made a mistake shopping here." The man kept creeping towards the door. While Aziraphale stood still, making a poor attempt at keeping his corporation in the right place. Crowley just followed, snaking around the man.
"A missstake?" Crowley hissed. "How about you join us for tea and some nibbles? Though I don't know if I'll be able to keep my hands off my lovely, oh Aziraphale, your uh," they motioned a circle around their head.
The man drew his attention back to Aziraphale, mouth dropping in horror. The angel carried a dark wild stare. His head was backlit by a glowing halo. Eyes opened on his cheeks and arms through his shirt sleeves and the blinking in the air around him. A ghosting of wings teased at the thinning plane.
" Be not afraid. " The voice didn't match up with Aziraphale's lips. It was distant and near at the same time, rumbling shelves, and created a swirl of wind around the celestial creature.
The horror in the man's eyes as he turned to bolt for the door was almost comical. He pivoted on his heel and rammed into Crowley's chest.
"Boo!" They smirked before quickly shifting their head into a large snake and back to normal.
The man fainted.
Crowley looked down at the man on the ground and snapped. "When you wake you'll have no recollection of this event, you'll leave this bookshop and forget its existence, and you'll change your views, bigot."
When the man came to, he got up and ran out the door, unsure why he was running.
Crowley cackled.
"Alright angel you proved your point, put the temperature back and come eat some food."
And just like that everything was in place again.
"Ooo, thank you, my dear, what a lovely spread!"
Crowley flipped the sign to closed, no need for anyone else to come in and tick off a fussy angel.