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This is probably a really bad idea, Tony thinks as he raises his hand to knock on the door. Lucky thing I’m so good at those.
The door opens and Pepper is standing there in a little pink shirt and a pair of denim shorts. Her feet are bare and her hair hangs damp around her face.
“Tony… wow. This is a surprise.”
“Yeah, I need to talk to you… it’s really important.”
“All right,” she agrees, and sighs. “Look, before I invite you in, I should probably tell you – ”
“Oh shit. Loki’s here, right?”
“Yeah. Do you still want to come in?”
He thinks about it for a moment.
“Yeah… I’ll be all kinds of mature and stuff.” Instead of crossing his heart, he crosses his arc reactor. “Scout’s… er, Avenger’s honor.”
She has that look on her face that he knows so well, that look that says I’m going against my better judgment by agreeing to this.
Yeah, Tony Stark has seen that look a lot over the years.
She sighs. “Come in.”
He follows her into the living room and stands in the middle, turning, surveying the room.
“Love what you’ve done with the place,” he says, and points. “Last time I was here, there was no window. Very convenient for people who can fly… you know, like me.”
“Well, it was a little drafty without it, so I decided to go ahead and have it replaced.”
He suddenly moves so that he’s right in front of her.
“JARVIS misses you,” he tells her sincerely. “He really does. You know, I think he’s actually pining. I caught him in the workshop the other day, just sittin’ there in the dark playing Phil Collins songs.” He frowns. “Could’ve been worse, I guess. Could’ve been Barry Manilow.”
Pepper laughs. “Tell JARVIS I said hello.”
His next words seem to fall out of his mouth of their own accord.
“My penis misses you.”
Pepper rolls her eyes.
“Tony…” she begins in that warning tone he knows so well.
It suddenly occurs to him how much crap she’s put up with from him over the years.
Loki walks into the living room. “Ah, Stark. Uncouth as ever, I see.”
“Yeah, you know me, Laufeyson,” he agrees readily. “Always keepin’ it classy!”
Loki is in what probably passes for Asgardian street clothes – black pants, suede boots, and a silky-looking emerald shirt – and his hair is damp like Pepper’s.
Tony tries not to think about the implications of that.
“Ah, Tony, would you like to stay for lunch?” Pepper asks.
“Lunch? It’s almost two o’clock!”
He sees the color rise to her cheeks.
“We… mmm… kind of got a late start,” she says with a giggle.
He bites the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming obscenities and takes a few deep breaths to collect himself.
“I really, totally, did not need that information,” he finally says.
“Oh… yeah, right. I’m sorry, Tony,” she apologies. “So, what did you need to talk to me about?”
“Ahhh, nothing.”
“But you said it’s really important – ”
“Actually, I just came by to see if I could borrow a cup of sex.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively at her.
He doesn’t expect Loki to get it, but –
“That is unfortunate, Stark,” Loki replies, and stretches languidly. “I fear that I am… ah… quite exhausted at the moment. Perhaps if you wait a bit…” He shrugs.
“I need a fucking drink,” Tony says without even thinking about it.
“I’m not sure that’s such a great idea,” Pepper says.
“I need booze to deal with this.”
“You need way too much booze to deal with way too many things, Tony,” she tells him seriously.
“What is this, a lunch or an intervention? And hey, bring one for Laufeyson, too. He looks thirsty.”
She looks at Loki, and he shrugs.
With a sigh, Pepper goes off to fix their drinks.
“Stark, were you raised by wolves?” Loki asks, and damn if it doesn’t sound like he’s asking seriously, like he’s actually considering that possibility as an explanation for Tony’s uncouth behavior.
“Nah. Nannies, mostly. My dad didn’t have much time for me. I don’t think he even knew my name until I was like, fourteen.”
“Howard Stark. The inventor.”
“Yeah. He didn’t have much time for my mom, either. And she only had time for her bottle. When I was seventeen, they were killed in a car accident… Mom had had waaaay too much to drink at that party, and – as usual – Dad didn’t even notice.” He shrugs. “The rest is history.”
“Oh…” Loki looks surprised and when he speaks again, his tone is subdued. “I did not know any of that, Stark. I am truly sorry.”
“Yeah, well, you know.” He shrugs. “It sucked, but it’s in the past.”
Pepper returns and hands each of them a glass of scotch.
“Hey, I’m really proud of you guys,” she says, smiling. “You managed not to kill each other or destroy my living room during the five minutes I was gone! Great job!”
“Yeah, no biggie. We’re just in here talkin’,” Tony says. “And no one got thrown out a window or anything!”
He takes a sip of his scotch.
“So, Laufeyson, now you know the Terrible and Tragic Stark Family Saga. How about telling us about Odin’s Family Values?”
“I am not certain of your meaning.”
“Well, my dad probably couldn’t have picked me out of a line-up and my mom sure wasn’t going to win any Parent of The Year awards, but at least they never chained me to a rock and let a snake drip poison in my eyes.”
Loki sighs. “Do you believe everything you read, Stark?”
“OK, scratch that. What I really want to hear about is Loki Laufeyson’s Excellent Adventure in Jötunheim. Or maybe it was a Bogus Journey, I don’t know.”
“Tony…” Pepper says in a warning tone.
Loki’s eyes narrow. “Explain.”
“Do you talk to them? Your... ah, real parents, I mean. Do you, like, have brothers and sis– ”
“OK, I think that’s enough,” Pepper interrupts.
“I do not communicate with anyone on Jötunheim,” Loki says stiffly.
“Not even Laufey?”
“Tony! Shut up!”
“Laufey is dead.”
“Oh. Bummer. Sorry.”
“I am not. I am the one who killed him.”
Tony opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He closes it again and sips his drink.
“Well,” he finally says. “I bet that makes family reunions a little awkward.”
There is a very long moment of silence, and then:
Loki laughs.
He turns to Pepper, who looks absolutely astounded.
“Shall we dine?”
They order in sandwiches from the deli downstairs.
When the delivery boy shows up at the door, Pepper takes the bags from him and goes into the kitchen.
Tony reaches for his wallet.
“I got this,” he says, pulling out his black American Express card.
“No,” Loki murmurs. “My brother has informed me that according to Midgardian courtship rituals, I am to provide payment for the food.”
“Midgardian what?” Tony asks. “Seriously?”
And suddenly Loki’s hands are full of gold coins.
“Your payment,” he says, dropping the coins into the astounded delivery boy’s outstretched hands. “I am unsure of their value here on Midgard, but there should be enough for our feast. Whatever is left, you may keep for your own.”
“Wow,” the kid says. “That… wow. Thanks, Mister!”
As the kid leaves, Loki turns to Tony, frowning.
“Do you believe that the amount was sufficient?”
Tony laughs as he puts away his wallet.
“Are you kidding me? That amount was sufficient to buy a couple of small cars!”
Loki is still frowning. “Cars are more costly than food, yes?”
“Yeah, generally cars cost more than food.”
He begins to head for the kitchen, but Loki stops him with a hand on his arm.
“Holy shit, your hand is like fucking ice,” Tony says, pulling out of Loki’s grasp. “Seriously, dude, what the hell?”
“The matter that I brought to your attention before… I am wondering if you have learned anything since last we spoke.”
Tony takes a breath.
“Do not even think to lie to me, Tony Stark,” Loki says before he can even begin speaking. “I am The God of Lies, and I will know.”
Well, shit, Tony thinks.
He takes a few seconds, trying to figure out how much half-truth he can get away with without pinging the Lie Detector of The Gods.
“Well, JARVIS is still trying to make sense of all the information he got from SHIELD’s servers. It’s probably gonna take him a while to get everything processed and finished.”
“Finished?”
Tony mentally kicks himself.
“Uh, yeah, you know, he’s gotta cover his tracks. We wouldn’t want SHIELD to figure out that JARVIS has been poking around where he’s not allowed, would we?”
“Ah. Yes. Yes, I see.”
“Hey, are you guys coming?”
They turn to see a very puzzled Pepper standing in the hallway.
“Yeah, sure, Pep,” Tony says.
Loki smiles. “Most certainly. I find that I have quite the appetite.”
“Jesus,” Tony mutters as he follows them to the kitchen. “I need another fucking drink.”
Pepper hands out the sandwiches: Roast beef for Loki, buffalo chicken for Tony, and roasted turkey for herself.
Loki unwraps his sandwich and eyes it critically before taking a bite.
“Good?” Pepper asks, digging into her own sandwich.
Loki chews, swallows.
“It is excellent.” He sounds surprised.
She grins. “I’m glad.”
“Mine is great too, thanks for asking!” Tony says. “Nice and spicy, really delicious! Mmmm, mmmm, good!”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Pepper says patiently.
Tony reaches for the potato salad and helps himself to a spoonful.
“So, Laufeyson, what’s up with the hands? Do you keep them in the freezer when you’re not actually using them?”
Loki gives him a dirty look and continues to eat in silence.
“Here, Loki. Try this turkey,” Pepper says, holding out her sandwich.
“I have never had turkey. It is like chicken?”
“Kind of. Try it!”
He takes an experimental bite.
“Mmm. That is quite good,” he finally says.
“You’re going to love Thanksgiving,” she tells him with a smile.
Foolishly, she has somehow forgotten how much Tony Stark hates not being the center of attention.
“Hey, Laufeyson… going back to what we were talking about before – ”
“Which time?”
“Family values,” Tony says, sipping his scotch. It’s his fourth, and Loki is still working on his second.
“Yes?” Loki replies warily.
“OK, so, Odin stole you from Laufey, right? How come Laufey never came looking for you?”
“Tony…” Pepper says warningly.
“I mean, Odin stole his kid! He must’ve been super pissed off, right?”
“Laufey knew better than to move against the All-Father; it would have been tantamount to suicide and possibly would have led to the destruction of all of Jötunheim.”
“But that’s his kid,” Tony presses, because he’s like a dog with a bone sometimes, he pushes too hard, he just needs to know and Pepper suddenly wonders how she could have ever forgotten that about him.
“And what would you know of it, Stark?” Loki asks quietly. “Unless I am mistaken, you haven’t any children.”
“No, I don’t have any kids,” he admits. “But some things… I mean, it’s common sense. Isn’t it?”
“Tony, I think we need to end this conversation,” Pepper tells him.
But Tony is the dog with the bone, he needs to push, he needs to know and he won’t be happy until he does.
“OK, so, here’s another theory: Laufey didn’t want you, right? And so he handed you over to his bestest frenemy Odin.” He mimes handing a bundle to another person. “Here, Dude. Don’t want him, he’s too small. You want him? Here, you can have him.”
Pepper slams her hand down on the table.
“Tony!” She is beyond livid. “That’s it, get out!”
“That is not quite the way it happened,” Loki says quietly.
“So how’d it happen?” Tony asks. He knocks back the rest of his scotch, and there is a challenge in his eyes.
Loki finishes his scotch as well, and then begins to speak:
“Odin found me, abandoned, left to die. You are correct, Tony Stark: Laufey did not want me. And so the All-Father took me, and though he called me ‘son’ and raised me alongside Thor as his brother, I was in truth nothing more to Odin than another stolen relic to be locked away until such time as he might have use for me.”
Tony seems to wilt, all of the fight and aggression going out of him.
“Well, shit,” he finally says.
Pepper is glaring at him. “Are you satisfied now, Tony?”
Instead of answering, Tony gets up and goes to the counter where the scotch bottle sits. He returns to his seat and refills his and Loki’s glasses, setting the bottle on the table.
“OK, Laufeys… ah, Loki. It’s your turn. Fair’s fair and all. Do your worst… I can take it.”
Loki sips his drink, thinking. And finally:
“What is your last living memory of your parents?”
Tony chokes on his scotch.
“Shit,” he says, coughing. Pepper pounds him on the back. “Shit!”
“Mmm. You said that you could take it,” Loki murmurs.
“I really think this has gone far enough!” Pepper protests.
“No, no, it’s OK,” Tony says when he finally catches his breath. “Fair’s fair. And I can take it, goddammit.”
He takes another drink, this time without choking.
“One night I went in their suite, looking for some scotch. Mom always had bottles hidden all over the house and it was pretty easy to take them without her realizing. She was usually too drunk to remember which bottles were where and how full they were.”
He sips his drink and continues:
“So, I was looking for scotch and when I went into their suite, I was surprised because they were actually there. Dad was on the phone, brokering some kind of deal… I don’t know what it was about. He was in a tux, and his bow tie was hanging around his neck because he hadn’t tied it yet.”
He’s quiet for a moment, sipping his scotch and gathering his thoughts.
“Mom was sitting at her dressing table, putting on make-up. She was still in her slip, and there was a long red evening gown covered in plastic laid out across the foot of the bed. She had a scotch in one hand and a make-up brush in the other, and she was singing.”
He takes a sip of scotch and begins to sing:
“Buffalo gals, won't you come out tonight?
Won't you come out tonight, won't you come out tonight?
Buffalo gals, won't you come out tonight?
And dance by the light of the moon.”
He downs the rest of his scotch, pours himself another, and continues:
“I wanted to say something, but Dad was working as usual and Mom was most of the way down the road to Drunkville, and I just didn’t feel like dealing with any of it. I knew if I interrupted Dad, he’d be pissed because whatever he was doing was important, much more important than dealing with his annoying kid. And Mom… well, she could be a mean drunk. She was like Forrest Gump with that fucking box of chocolates: You never knew what you were gonna get.”
He takes another drink of scotch.
“So I turned around and left, shutting the door behind me. I’m not sure that either of them even realized I’d been there. They were killed later that night, coming home from that stupid fucking party.”
With a sigh, Pepper stands up and gets herself a glass from the cupboard. When she returns to the table, Tony reaches for the scotch bottle and fills her glass without a word, and then tops off his and Loki’s glasses.
Pepper raises her glass and begins to speak in a quiet voice:
“Always remember to forget
The things that made you sad.
But never forget to remember
The things that made you glad.”
Tony clicks his glass against hers, and adds:
“Always remember to forget
The friends that proved untrue.
But never forget to remember
Those that have stuck by you.”
Pepper and Tony finish the last verse together:
“Always remember to forget
The troubles that passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day.”
“To forgotten blessings,” Loki murmurs, clicking his glass against theirs.
“And all the things that made us glad,” Tony replies, and they all drink.
Pepper walks Tony to the door.
“You said you had something important to talk to me about,” she reminds him.
He shakes his head. “Another time, OK?”
“Yeah, I think we’ve had enough for one day,” she agrees.
“Right. Well, see you around, I guess.”
“Tony… you never told me… you know, about your parents. Why?”
He shrugs. “It’s not something I really talk about.”
“Well, maybe you should.” She takes a breath. “With… you know, a professional.”
He laughs.
“I’ll be fine, Pep. You know me, always bouncing back from adversity.”
“I do know you, Tony. And I worry.”
“If I were you, I’d be more worried about Mister Freeze in there. Those cold hands of his… well, you might just end up with frostbite on your – ”
“Tony,” she says, but there’s no real force behind it.
“Is his whole body that cold? ‘Cause, seriously… don’t call me in the middle of the night if you get your tongue stuck to the flagpole.”
Pepper groans and puts her face in her hands.
He sticks his tongue out and makes “alh alh alh alh alh” sounds, as though he can’t move his tongue properly.
“Goodbye, Tony,” she says firmly.
“OK, sure, I can take a hint.”
“That’s news to me.”
He laughs, and then leans down to kiss her cheek.
“See ya around, Pep.”
“See you around,” she agrees, and closes the door behind him.
FINIS.