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After all the struggles they overcame to finally be together, the kidnapping which left Rain with enormous guilt, even though Phayu continues to assure him that it was in no way his fault, daily life began to catch up.
Rain, now in his second year of architecture, had more to do than ever. Between deadlines and nicking his fingers trying to cut the perfect shape for his models, he barely had time to meet his friends or his family.
Only a regular, stern lecture by Phayu about work-life balance put the brakes on. More often than not, it was accompanied by a spanking, which led to sweaty skin and sticky sheets. It was a game they had. Rain sometimes staying late in the architecture studio, not because he suddenly turned studious but to feel the thrill of riling Phayu up. The anticipation of their dynamic never really fizzled out.
Rain never expected how powerful it feels to submit. To goad Phayu and let go of all control, trusting his dom to do what’s right for them.
And if it’s uncomfortable to sit on one of the wooden chairs in lecture – well, who is Rain to complain about that? The slight pain overpowered and soothed by the memory of how Phayu calls him brat so tenderly that instead Rain’s heart begins to hurt because he loves Phayu so much.
Daily life is busy, but they make it work. But every high is followed by a low.
Last week, the garage made a big deal with a vintage car collector. It was a deal so important that a referral by the client could gain them access to the next Thailand Grand Prix. Something Rain knew was Phayu’s dream since he’s a child. But even though Phayu put in more work hours than ever, the client still had complaints, putting him in a fool mood.
Rain’s week was not better. First his model got squished in the bus, then he lost his favorite pen—the one Phayu had gifted him for completing the first university year—and today he got a lecture from his father about his future.
Rain really doesn’t want to switch to economics just because his uncle has a family business and needs someone to take over in the future. His father and Rain both didn’t hold back in their argument, leading to a very teary-eyed Rain sitting in the back of his “Urban Diversity” lecture. ‘Useless’ is what his father called him before hanging up.
It had taken a lot of time for Rain to actually gain confidence in his ability as an architect. Fueled and supported by the stern push of Sky to study together and Phayu’s praise when he got another good grade.
‘Useless’ was how Rain felt when he watched his boyfriend get beaten in front of his own eyes. The feeling comes back with full ferocity, settling in his chest. An uneasiness that he knows only Phayu can scatter.
Burying himself in their bed in the tight embrace of his P’Phayu was exactly what he needed now. Quite whispers how good he is. How useful.
“P’Phayu, please come to bed. You’ve been working for too long.”
Rain is sitting on the black sheets of the bed, his favorite oversize t-shirt wrapped around him in a cheap imitation of a hug. He knows how obsessed Phayu can get with a task. His mood is getting as heavy as his workload, and Rain knows that they’re both in need of some downtime.
“P’Phayuuuu”
Rain knows that his tone is whiny. But he knows that being bratty is the only way for him to hold it together. To not fall apart until he’s safe in Phayu’s arms. However, the man sitting with his back to him doesn’t even twitch. Instead, he continues with the next page of the tax files, sipping a bit of coffee every now and then.
He is really not used to Phayu not paying attention to him. He knows how busy Phayu is. But this has been going on for weeks. It’s time for them to get rid of the stress. And a good cuddle session will fix everything.
With a huff, he sits up and creeps on tiptoes to the big leather chair.
“P’Phayuu.”
“Rain, Baby. I really have to finish this now. Go to bed. I will come in a second. I promise.”
“But we said no work….”
“Rain," Phayu nearly growls, the tax numbers he calculates disappearing with the distraction.
“Then let me help you," Rain offers eagerly, reaching over to the still unfinished documents. He can live without cuddles, it would be enough to just work next to Phayu, feeling his warmth next to him. His fingers reach out to grab one of the papers. In that moment, part of his arm bumps against the coffee mug, knocking it down. A clanking sound and then black seeps all over the pages.
"Oh," is all Rain manages to say while he traces with horror that one trail of coffee making its way to the edge of the table, meeting paper, and soaking it in seconds. Black numbers begin to blur.
“Are you kidding me?” Phayu presses through clenched teeth while the wet spot on his black jeans gets bigger and bigger. The documents were nearly finished, and now half of them are unreadable.
“I didn't... P'Phayu, that was an…”
Rain can only stammer, one hand still stretched out toward the files.
“I think someone is too comfortable being a brat.”
With big eyes Rain is looking up at Phayu, who is now towering in front of him with an expression grimmer than usual when he had to chastise his sub.
“I think a punishment is appropriate. Undress and get the paddle and the rope.”
“But P’Phayu, I really didn’t…”
“I said now, Rain!”
Phayu watches as Rain’s shuffling awkwardly towards the cabinet, pulling out the requested equipment. Sometimes his sub is really too much of a brat. But a good session settles him most of the time.
And who is Phayu kidding, it is not much of a chore. However, today is really not the ideal time for it. But if that’s what Rain needs, he can provide it.
Taking a few deep breaths, he tries to control the anger he feels. When Rain gets this desperate trying to win the award for brat of the year, he apparently really needs some downtime.
“Now get on the bed," Phayu sighs, leading Rain by the scruff of his T-shirt to the king-sized bed.
Rain climbs on the bed with trembling hands. The sheets feel cool under his hands. He has rarely seen Phayu this angry. Or maybe he has, but at this moment, every angry sneer on the normally so loving face felt like a stab in the heart.
He wants to be a good sub. He really wanted to help Phayu - not be a brat. However, it seems that this week he can only do wrong. And if Phayu needs to punish him right now, that is what Rain can give him. The feeling in his chest gets colder. Maybe he’s really useless. Maybe he has to work harder to be useful.
Right now, it is not about you, Rain chastises himself.
You deserve a punishment. After the punishment, we always cuddle, it’s just some hits. I just have to do this. Do it for Phayu.
The thoughts are coursing through his brain, urging his limbs to be manhandled by Phayu. This is the first time a punishment feels like a punishment. It feels detached. Like he’s some burden Phayu has to take care of.
The soft fabric of his shirt slips from his body.
Rain feels numb.
“I will bind you now and spank you twenty times with this paddle. You will count and thank me after every hit. Do you understand?”
With a rough yank, Phayu pulls Rain’s arm behind his back, causing his face to fall into the mattress. A few quick knots around Rain’s arms and wrists tighten the elbows together behind his back, and the sub becomes immobile. In the same fashion, both of his ankles are bound together.
Normally, the ropes around his limbs feel like a comforting pressure, a hug made out of nylon and cotton. But this time the yank of the rope echoes in his chest uncomfortably. For Phayu. I can be useful for Phayu.
“I understand, P’Phayu.”
The strict binding of the rough rope is cutting into his skin, restricting his movement like a prison. Like a punishment.
Rain has to remind himself: This is a punishment. As he lays there, now naked, in front of Phayus's enraged face, he feels small and insignificant. Exposed to his bones. Phayu can see all of him. All of Rain’s failures.
“Not P’Phayu for you.”
A tight grip on his chin forces him to look up to his dom. Where’s the excitement he normally feels?
“I understand, sir.”
Phayu lets Rain’s chin fall down again and manhandles the tied boy over his lap. The rough fabric of the jeans scratching against Rain’s soft skin.
A loud slap starts the punishment.
“One. Thank you, sir.”
Rain is squeezing his eyes together as he loudly counts along with the hits. The paddle strikes hard on his ass cheek.
“Four. Thank you, sir.”
Normally, Rain would get hard at this point. Twisting himself in the bindings but easily getting held down by a firm hand in his neck. A farce of a struggle ended with submission. But today, he feels anything but horny.
A bitter taste unfurls in his mouth. Maybe he really deserves it. He was, after all, disrespectful to his father. And then he also destroyed Phayu’s work. Useless.
His ass begins to feel like fire. Even without looking, he can feel the redness spreading. He won’t be able to sit comfortably for days, and this time it will not be a symbol of submission. Punishment.Usefulness.
The hiss of the paddle and a loud clap pull Rain out of his thoughts. This one hurt more than usual. Rain blinks furiously to keep the tears away.
“Ei..eight.”
“Where is my thank you? Are you such a useless brat that you cannot even count properly?”
On any other day, the humiliation would serve to increase his horniness and make him go sky high. But today, all Rain can hear is useless. I am useless. No, he’s not. Phayu loves him. He is not useless. He can be a good sub.
“Eight, thank you, sir.”
Blinking lights start to dance in front of Rain’s eyes as the ropes around his torso seem to become tighter and tighter. Cold. It’s cold.
His brain starts to feel dizzier and dizzier. He is trying to hold onto anything, but perched over Phayu’s lap, he has nothing to hold on to. The adrenalin he is feeling strikes him like a wave, sweeping him into the ocean. The sound of the paddle on his skin was muffled and far away.
Useless.
Anxiety claws through his chest.
I can’t.
I can’t
“Re….Red. RED!”, is all he can scream before panic takes over, his whole body trembling violently. Rain is now openly crying, trying to catch a breath, but the air just won’t come.
I can’t breathe.
“Rain! Listen to my voice, love! Breathe. Breathe with me.”
In an instant, the ropes are gone, and Rain is pressed against the broad chest of Phayu.
I can’t breathe, is the only thought in his racing mind.
Two arms are tightening around him. There is a voice cutting through his racing thoughts. It’s Phayu whispering in his ear.
“You did so well, Rain. Your P’Phayu is so proud. Breathe with me. Yeah, that’s right.”
The faint smell of aftershave gives Rain a sudden sense of security. This is home, his body reminds him. This is where we feel safe.
After what feels like several minutes but cannot have been more than a few moments, he finally manages to produce a sentence.
“I’m useless”
He tried to help Phayu, but failed. And when Phayu wanted a scene, Rain had to safeword.
“No, of course not, baby! You are my perfect boyfriend.”
Phayu pulls Rain closer to him, burying his face in the brown head of hair, while the younger one continues to cry.
“You were the perfect sub, using your safeword like that. It is all right.”
He begins to rock forth and back, with Rain clinging around him, trying to settle his distressed sub. Slowly, Rain manages to calm down, but letting go of his boyfriend is the last thing he wants to do. The retreating anxiety leaves him shaky and clammy.
“P’Phayu, I’m cold.”
“Just stay with me here. I will get the blanket.”
Rain feels detached. All his energy seems to have vanished.
“That is your first subdrop, isn’t it? What went wrong, Rain? What did I do?”Phayu begins to ramble as he folds the blanket around himself, and Rain sits on his lap. He did the one thing he promised himself to never allow anyone: hurting his Rain. And now he’s done it himself.
“I didn’t mean to spill your coffee.”
Rain begins to cry again. Never has he felt this raw and open.
“You mean…you weren’t a brat on purpose? Is that what you are saying, Rain? That you didn’t want a punishment?”
Rain just sniffles and buries his face in Phayu’s neck, mumbling.
“I had a bad week. But P’Phayu also had a bad week, so I thought I could help P’Phayu.”
Phayu sighs. But this time Rain could hear underlying wetness as the arms around him tightened, pulling him even closer to the broad chest he curled into.
“You are the sweetest boy I know.”
Phayu loosens one arm from Rain’s waist and grabs his face, determined but so tender.
He couldn’t help but smile softly, despite the situation. There is no one in this world he loves like Rain.
“Look at me, Rain. If you do not want a scene, no matter how much you think I want it, you have to say no. I want you to feel safe with me.”
“I am sorry, P’Phayu.”
“No, I should be sorry. I haven’t even realized that something was wrong until you safeworded.”
Phayu feels immensely guilty that the anxiety and adrenaline pushed Rain right into a subdrop. Normally, after a good punishment session, his sub floats on a cloud of endorphins. It was his fault that he couldn’t protect Rain. He didn’t even let him speak out when he tried to explain his mistake with the coffee. The irony is that Phayu didn’t follow his own high standards of communication.
They continue to sit there in silence, with tension seeping from both of their bodies. After a while, Rain stops shivering and is just basking in the warmth his boyfriend provides.
“Don’t feel guilty,” Rain starts to say. “I know you’re feeling it, but I also let this misunderstanding happen.”
People often underestimate Rain. And even Phayu himself gets surprised sometimes by his emotional intelligence. Rain acts immature most of the time, but he’s aware when to say the right thing.
“I was stupid. As your dom, it’s my primary obligation to make sure that everything is consensual. I let my anger distract me. It was stupid.”
“Maybe we are both a bit stupid?” Rain says, a cheeky smile slowly appearing on his face. The comment dissipates the last tension left in the air.
“Ahhh, there is my beloved brat again." Phayu sighs dramatically and begins to shower Rain’s face with kisses. “I don’t know how I can earn your forgiveness. You will never be useless because I need you so much.”
That’s the thing with Phayu. He also always knows what’s the right thing to say.
“I love you, P’Phayu.”
Rain looks ever so trusting. Eyelashes still a bit wet from spilled tears. Tears that Phayu cannot forgive himself for.
Phayu’s heart clenches. How does he deserve such a forgiving boyfriend?
“And I love you.”