Archive of Our Own

Fleeting.

Their encounters always lasted a couple of breaths, yet so deep to feel like eternity.
Matsuno Chifuyu knew very well it was better that way: granting the reaper only an ephemeral grasp on himself is what has kept him alive till that very moment.
Not that he could bear for long the bright, longing purple eyes piercing through the green of his anyways. They always had this feeling of insatiable and desperate hunger, like a starving animal ready to devour him from the inside if he were to maintain eye contact for too long. Perhaps it’s exactly what will happen when the balance of this risky game they had each night will fall. Perhaps, that day came too early.

The cold was biting and unbearable that evening, Chifuyu could've sworn he would've died of hypothermia if he had to stay one. more. minute. in the current temporary hideout, the thermal insulation was questionable and certainly aggravated by December's snowy weather. Toman had gotten extremely cautious, changing the meetup place for regular updates every week, in order to keep existing as an elusive ghost, police’s worst nightmare. And cold was that week’s unpleasant addition to the already deadly boring meetings he was forced to attend.
An unwanted sigh left with his breath as he brought hands closer to warm them, mentally reviewing his script for the meeting. By now it was established it could make the upper floors believe how much of an obedient and reliable dog he was even far from their sight. For years he has endorsed Kisaki's direct orders, holding back the disgust and appealing to every bit of self control not to jump at his throat at sight, while foretasting the moment he’d advance further on the board, so eager to checkmate. To destroy Kisaki Tetta with his own hands, finally avenging everything he took away from him.
Too many years though, too risky, for Naoto's liking, worried that his mole might lose his own humanity in the process. Because Chifuyu had gotten incredibly good at emotionally detaching himself from the atrocities he committed in Kisaki's name for the sake of his cover's credibility. How much longer would he be able to keep going without falling prey of his own game? How much longer before he'd completely lose himself?

[23:54]

“Alright, that's it for today.”
The sentence echoed off the naked concrete walls, producing the most pleasing sound Chifuyu looked forward to every night: the sound of being dismissed.
A momentary pleasure, however, as he was quickly struck by its direct implication. Having to face Hanma Shuji.
It had already been several months since Hanma had him in his sights, more than usual, to the point Chifuyu had started wondering if he may possibly intuited something.. If he had committed some false step that could raise suspicions against himself. And his everyday reality, now, was marked out by the inevitable encounters he had with the reaper each night, right after leaving the building, their 'rendezvous' an unusual waltz scanned by quick sharp glances and threatening pauses after each of Hanma's teasing. Just a matter of minutes, enough to reach the main road and part ways, each heading towards the respective homes. Chifuyu always had to be careful not to give in to his provocations, well aware that even the smallest crack in the walls of his resolve would've led him straight to his end. 

He knew his way with words, Hanma. A weapon he had refined over time, learning from Kisaki himself, which made him even more dangerous. Normally he didn't talk much, always looking tired and bored, which helped to perfectly hide this ability. The only one to notice was Chifuyu: when the reaper was side by side with him, the blank expression on his face never failed to transform into a mixture of ecstasy and wonder, the dull facade quickly replaced by a more talkative one, his tone a lively growl bursting with defiance. A clear proof of how much interest the subordinate sparked in Hanma, as if the black-haired young man breathed life back into him with his mere presence – absolutely no good, according to Chifuyu. The reaper’s words always felt like poison, planting roots in the back of his mind no matter how much he urged them to go away. Fomenting his anger, instigating his most violent thoughts.

As expected of the most brutal and unhinged man he ever encountered.

[23:55]

The moment Chifuyu grabbed his coat he mentally started timing every step, watchful to not look too much in a hurry, but also not to take too long to leave the place. Hopefully that night he might have been able to avoid Hanma, if he was even just a millisecond faster than other times. 
Throwing a couple of smiles and a wave of his hand for pleasantries around, he walked past the skeleton of a doorframe and turned in the empty hallway, losing all visual contact with the attendees including that specific someone that really concerns him. He didn't like the idea nor the feeling of not knowing exactly where Hanma is, uncertainty comparable to exposing your bare back in the face of a beast, with the awareness he'll swallow you whole at any moment. “He’s just a man” Chifuyu repeated to himself, as if picturing it in his mind could shake the uneasiness, yet he could swear he didn't seem human at all at times. And deep down, it was enough to terrify him.

[23:56]

He rushed down the flight of stairs without ever looking back, silently cursing whoever proposed to meet at the third – THIRD! – floor of a building never completed, possibly once designed to be an office complex. And then, with long, brisk strides he was finally crossing the hall, so close to the exit, so close to his getaway…

“Mat-su-no~ ♡ ” 

Bubbling with enthusiasm, the voice's source was horribly close to Chifuyu's ears, sending chills down the spine and violently knocking the breath out of him. The younger man was holding the door open, petrified on the spot, incapable of moving a single muscle and infinitely grateful that his heart functions autonomously – because otherwise… hell, certainly that too would have stopped. How could Hanma be so fast and have quiet footsteps at the same time? Had he ever had a chance, to begin with? It was like he loomed over him, a shadow attached to his body.

Inevitable. 

[23:59]

The crisp winter weather felt even heavier, as if Hanma brought Death's cold breath with him, ready to grab and drag his helpless little body underground. It took an entire minute for Chifuyu to finally remember how to breathe, deafened by his own thoughts and the heart beating frantically. A minute stolen from his meticulous plan that ridiculously worked till then. 

[ 0 0 : 0 0 : 0 0 ]

“I can still do it”

                                    “It’s just a stupid walk” 

                                     “Don’t fret” 

“He’s just a man”

"Everything will be fine, like always"

“What could possibly happen in so little time anyways” 

[  0 0 : 0 0 : 0  4  ]

Inhale
Exhale

“He’s just a man”

[  0 0 : 0 0 : 0  9  ]

Inhale
...Would he
still be able to do it once they were done?

"Hah"

[  0 0 : 0 0 :  2 4  ]

Chifuyu tilted his head back, and there he was… Towering over him, leaning on the door frame with a pleased smirk. Savoring the younger's annoyed expression and the half smile he hadn't bothered to mask as genuine.

“Hanma. Need something?” 

He giggled, “Should i? Do I need an excuse to spend some time with a friend?”  
The devilish grin painted on his face was really really making it hard for Chifuyu to relax his muscles, if he only could he would've already punched him. Friend, he says… As he genuinely knew what that meant.

“Of course not.” hissed in response, words fighting their way out of the clenched teeth.

“Marvelous,” Hanma grabbed the door and bended over, to the height of Chifuyu's ears, “Let's take a walk together then.” he whispered.

“How could I possibly refuse…”

“Ah ah ♡ That’s right, how could you.”

[  0 0 : 0 0:  4 2  ]

So it starts?

They left the building, side by side, and went through the deserted courtyard. Hanma was abnormally silent but nothing about his body language was giving away bad intentions. Careful to not be caught staring, Chifuyu kept eyeing him nervously.
Silent... 

Why?

The crunching of their steps in the snow was ringing in the ears, heartbeats resonating through the bones. He involuntarily flinched when the taller man brought Punishment to one of his jacket's pockets, pulling out his lifelong companions– an old worn out Zippo and his favorite brand of cigarettes.

Did he notice?

Chifuyu pulled the coat closer around him, an attempt meant to make Hanma believe it was the cold weather’s doing. Maybe he was trying to convince himself, too. To demolish the rising nervousness caused by that change. He certainly wasn’t missing all the teasing and annoyance, but the silence was way worse. It was unsettling. Unnatural. Untimely end of all certainty.  

Just a little more

He was counting steps and seconds in his head, just a matter of minutes, kept repeating, like it always has been. How much time has passed already? Two minutes? They were rapidly approaching the run-down wall fencing that enclosed the hideout, and yet it still seemed so distant. As they weren’t moving at all, suspended in a bubble, trapped in time.

A little
more

It was dark, that night. The moon had turned its back on humanity, cold-heartedly removing colors from their sight, leaving the vault of heaven drowning in darkness. The fewer city lights were cruelly allowing the stars to be seen, agonizing, blinking in pitch black. Chifuyu instantly felt more tranquil when they arrived at their parting point, nerves less tense after all the stress. How pathetic were his thoughts in his heart... Went to Hell for almost three minutes, uh? 

“Well.. I'll see you at the next meeting. Have a great night, Hanma” he commenced, not striving to keep venom out of his voice, raising the right hand to salute without even bothering to look at Hanma in the eyes. He was so done he couldn't care less to fake respect, just wanted to put as much distance as possible between them. Intention that vanished the instant he felt firmly held, Sin wrapped around his wrist. Hanma's purple eyes, focused on Chifuyu's look of surprise, were so intense he could fall in and never make return.
In all seriousness, the reaper gestured in the opposite direction.

“Oi. This way.” Abrupt tone making it clear it wasn't an invite. It was a superior's order.    Shit.         Shit.                 SHIT. 
Racing thoughts swarmed Chifuyu's mind,

                doubt
                                    fear?

                                                    no, anger
                                                                             heart threatening to explode in his chest. Conceal, all of it, behind a dead cold mask for who knows how much longer… Their usual waltz left place to a possible bloodbath and he was about to plunge into it. He had to, it was unthinkable to screw his cover before anything significant was achieved, right? In the name of everything he worked for till then, for the Toman he loved, for–

Baji. 

He got all choked up. No matter how many years have passed, he was never able to let that wound heal.
A kind of pain he didn't want to lose, holding it with teeth and nails as his life depended on it. All that remained. All he could sink in.
Seeking assurance by holding harder the grip of the gun in his coat's pocket – courtesy of Naoto, who insisted for him to always bring a weapon and leave fist fights in the 'jolly memories of his teen years' – Chifuyu took his first step towards the unknown future shaped by Hanma Shuji.

[ Repperi ]

[  0 0 : 0   2 : 5 9   ]

[ Cecidi ]

Endless.

Their encounters have never protracted to the point of apnea, air fighting to get inside lungs in what inevitably felt like aeons, striving for a sense of normality. Desperate, while Chifuyu was deluding himself that it was all perfectly fine. That he was in perfect control of his respiration, that it wasn’t hard, not in the presence of the reaper, not in the aberrant atmosphere of that moment. Breathing deep the gathering gloom, making it his. Inhale. Exhale? Probably skipping a couple. There was no point in counting them anymore, anyways. He could still feel the ghost fingers around the wrist, an unpleasant sensation, but at least it was keeping him grounded.
If he had to spend the rest of the night with Hanma, he better make it worth it. Trying to turn that unpleasant inconvenience to his advantage, studying him.

And not a single detail went missing, voraciously captured by the viridian gaze. Hanma’s impeccable knot of the tie tightened around his neck, his content expression, the gold earring dangling at the rhythm of his stride. Lips slightly curved in the left corner whenever they weren’t busy blowing sweet smoke, trailing upwards in intricate patterns. He'd release an almost imperceptible sigh each time they parted to welcome his bad habit’s bearer. Punishment’s tapering fingers held with extraneous delicacy the cigarette dressed in black and gold, on the knuckles there were small reddish traces that looked like stale blood– sure he had fun with some unfortunate soul earlier. Sin, instead, was a total mystery, quietly resting inside the warm pocket of the expensive wool coat, threatening with the dubious intentions it might carry.

“What’s your deal, Hanma Shuji?”

The waves of the nearby Tokyo Bay, crashing on the shore of the small artificial beach a little further, were the only audible sound filling the surroundings. It really seemed just a harmless stroll meant to enjoy the rare softness of a city always caught into uproar. Chifuyu, although, wasn’t unwary. He didn't trust in the slightest the man who accompanied him, even less thanks to his anomalous behavior… He had memorized every twist and turn, paying attention to any movement, sound, smell, ready for any eventuality. To say he expected a knife in his back at any second would be an understatement.

“Did I really misjudge?”

“Hey Matsuno...” started off the culprit of his worries, breaking the excruciating silence,
“I was thinking, have we known each other for how long? 12 years?”

“So what” blurted the younger one, the hint of irritation in his voice caused Hanma a lively laugh.

“So…” continued, “Why don't we put hierarchy formalities aside, when it's just the two of us.”
He stopped, getting rid of the cigarette’s golden remains and turning face to face with Chifuyu.
“Call me Shuji.”

“Don't be ridiculous, what's going on?”

Unsure about what took him by surprise the most – whether the unexpected request, the absurdity of the whole situation or the intensity of the amaranthine eyes fixed on him, waiting – Chifuyu let go a nervous little laugh.
“What’s next, you’re gonna invite me to your place calling me by my name?” he taunted, sarcasm as sharp as a blade. He instantly cursed himself for not thinking before speaking, realizing the consequence his words might have, when Punishment ungraciously grabbed his chin and pulled him dangerously close to Hanma’s lips.

“Would it be that bad, Chifuyu?”

[  0 0 :   1 0 : 2 9   ]

The murmur and proximity drove him hazy for half a second, before he'd suddenly turn the head freeing himself, eyes open wide for the surprise.
“What makes you think we're on such good terms” hissed Chifuyu, shifting farther and glaring out of the corner of his eye, “last time we spent this much time together I beated the shit out of you”

“Yeah, ending up gagged and tied up” he remembered with disappointment. 

Hanma gasped, amused by his reaction and bringing a hand to his temple, “SERIOUSLY? You're still mad about THAT ?”
Chuckling, he started walking again towards the small park that embraces the beach, turning his back on Chifuyu without any sign of worry. Moving two fingers in the air over his shoulder, he gestured to follow him. The subordinate complied, huffing. 

Oh, you're still such an obedient little dog...

“See,” the reaper spoke again, with a tender voice, “you really are my favorite, you know? Fierce and loyal.” Spotting a bench, he twirled with open arms, sitting in a poorly elegant way. Both arms resting on the bench's back, hands in sight, unarmed. “It's cute..” he added, in hushed tones, without taking his eyes out of the little figure in front of him. 

And you're still filled with doubts.
Almost feel guilty, for expecting the worst without being given an actual reason.
Did he really change?
"Why are you being nice, Shuji..."

"Hah?"

The dense cage shaped by naked tree skeletons, menacingly looming over them, felt like a threat second only to his own thoughts. Not being able to tell when he stopped fearing the man sitting on that bench, nor the cause. Where did the spontaneity in addressing him by his name came from.
Almost as an automatic response of his body, Chifuyu got closer, until Hanma had to crane the neck to keep his eyes fixed on the prey.

“What do you want? ” asked, words as dull as his expression. 

Hanma leaned a bit more, shortening the distance between their faces. “Just talk.” 

“Just talk…” repeated Chifuyu. 

[  0 0 :   4 2   : 0 0  ]

“He’s just a man…”
Yet it had always been so hard for him to believe it during those 12 years.
“He’s just a man…”
It kept echoing in Chifuyu’s mind as Hanma talked about the most trivial things, unconcerned by his little responsiveness. He was still astonished that the same man sitting at his side, passionately explaining his photography hobby between business affairs, was also the deadly menace he tried to avoid at any cost, a bomb he believed was ready to explode at any minute. He was captivated by that new side he had never been able to see, or perhaps he had been too blind to see it.

“Were you like this the whole time?”

The reaper seemed to notice that his mind was drifting away, since he stopped mid sentence and gave him a fond look.
“You’re not here on Earth with us mortals, Chifuyu…” 

“And if I'm at fault…?”

Chifuyu shaked his head as if it could get rid of the noise in his mind, without replying nor making eye contact. He was leaning forward in religious silence, looking at his crossed hands with empty eyes. Hanma smiled. “But I get it,” he continued, sliding closer to Chifuyu’s side, “You are confused, dealing with so much. You never open up to anyone, do you?”
His lips found their way to his subordinate’s ear, letting out a long sigh as Chifuyu's scent inebriated him... And, drunk on him, he whispered.

“I can help you ♡ ”

[  0 0 :   4 2 : 5 3     ]

There it is

Struck by an electric shock, shaking him to the core. Chifuyu's body moved before he could come up with a calculated response, unable to further hold back the seething anger he'd bottled up for 12 fucking long years, even though he had shown him that maybe –and that was a huge maybe, considered the non existent trust in his regards– he wasn't the man he used to be anymore. Hanma hadn't even bothered to resist or dodge, laughing maniacally as he adjusted his glasses, Chifuyu above him holding onto his not-so-nicely knotted tie after dragging him along to the ground. Under the street light, deep red drops glistened on the clenched fist stopped short mid-air as well as on the reaper's face, a thin stream that trailed down to the lips and was intercepted by his tongue.

 “You-” Hanma tried to speak between chuckles, leaning forward with joie de vivre sparking in his eyes. “You really are something, ah?”
Chifuyu was sure the reaper was burning in satisfaction for getting him to lose his temper, like it was all he wished for the whole night. That the little act was nothing more than a provocation disguised as kindness, only aimed to make him snap, a new sick way to play with him. Sure that he was having the time of his life playing the part, while enjoying the wide range of new emotions he had snatched. Convictions that were snatched as well, the moment Hanma began talking again with softness that didn’t belong to him. “I thought you’d be tired by now. Guess I was wrong…”
Tired? The younger's confusion was more than palpable at that point.

“...What?”
Letting the tie go, he jumped back. A foolish attempt to put safety distance between them, if you will. Laughable, as there was no such thing as safety when Hanma was around. Something the other was fully aware of as well.

Hanma stood back up, getting rid of the snow on his coat. “I said,” repeated, pronouncing each word distinctly with low, purring voice, “I thought you’d be tired.”

No, he wasn't wrong
You are tired

Of obeying, because even though Chifuyu did it diligently until then, he wouldn’t be caught dead in compliantly doing the dirty work for Kisaki specifically, no matter the reason or purpose – and certainly not with his temperament, his beliefs, his ideals. Tired of getting his hands irremediably stained, with blood he had tried to wash away – but it never goes away, it’s all in vain, it’ll never go away – lying to himself that they were nothing but red from the cold. Tired of pretending that the voices broken by tears, the pleas, were nothing but meaningless nightmares cursing his sleep. And feelings of guilt, the second thoughts, were nothing more than obstacles to overcome to strengthen his resolve. Naoto warned him all the time, stop. Stop it now. Yet Chifuyu kept faking. And Hanma... Oh, Hanma had read him like a book all along. He had it all figured out.

You can fake anything
but your past has its hands around your neck

“And tell me, what if I am. What happens then? Enlighten me, Shuji.”
A taunt, growled with harshness. 

“I reckon I told you already, I can help ♡ ”
Moving in circles, a shark in scarlet waters.

He was familiar with that atmosphere, which made him recover his determination: they were dancing again. This time, though, they were aiming for each other's jugular. No longer a predator and his prey, their roles merged into something entirely new. The bloodbath Chifuyu had anticipated.
His right hand blindly found its way in the pocket, where cold gun metal reminded him that, if the situation had required it, he still had a way to turn the tables. Shuji’s abnormal behavior that day was seriously driving him crazy.

“Make it worth…”

It strangles you, brutal and merciless
Pushing claws into your skin
Your skin...

is it still yours?

“But-but-but,”
he hummed, waltzing around with his hands behind the back,“in order to do that... I need you to do something for me first, Chifuyu~”
Even after getting punched, his attitude didn’t change. Still carefree, like a child who came to play innocent games. Even those words, that normally would ring every alarm in his body, hit delicately. Bona fide, genuine, just like the smile still printed on his tremendously irritating face.

Chifuyu tilted his head, returning a smirk.
“Alright. Lay it on me.”

He could see Shuji’s breath leaving his mouth in a heightened state of delight. Sin had returned in the pocket, hid but not unnoticed, while Punishment promptly held the lighter again, sparking a weak flame. He stayed still for a couple of seconds, watching it tremble under the maritime wind blowing, as it painted the amaranth of new enchanting shades each time it stood back up after yielding. “Surrender.”

Let it tear you apart
Blood, raw flesh, entrails out
Exposed to a new light

Shuji turned, facing Chifuyu and meeting his stunned eyes once again. There was no poison, no aggression, only melancholy.
“You’re fighting your true self, just… surrender. Welcome the change you’re so afraid of. Die for me, Chifuyu”

Rip your abdomen open
Widen the pit in your stomach
Cheers
To the ceremonial disembowelment

With impeccable timing the wind rose stronger, moving the long coat and conferring him a ghostly appearance, definitely eerie-looking in that circumstance, as the flame died defeated between the God of Death’s fingers. “I can see through your scars, you’re lost in times that are long gone. This is not who you are. You're lying~”

Flushed out and stripped of his mask, naked. Chifuyu felt his heart climbing up his throat, a thunder pounding and choking him. It would’ve dug its way out, throbbing in agony, if it could've granted salvation from Sin and Punishment. Would’ve made him gasp while his lifeblood, warm and free, flowed leaving behind the empty shell he became. Deep in his heart, though, Chifuyu also knew he didn’t deserve this amount of mercy.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re the one playing games here, Shuji” was able to reply, cold in his resolve.

“Mmh? Am i?” hummed the other, raising an eyebrow.
“You've been acting strange all night, Chifuyu… Enough is enough, don’t you think?”
Rubbing his temples with one hand, he let go a heavy sigh and slided closer, like an elusive shadow rushing to hide behind your back, barely caught with the tail of the eye.

And now it’s too late
You should’ve run away

                       “ What do you mean”                             “Strange”  
                                                                                                                               “Strange”

            “Strange”                                               “Me?” 

                                                                  “ What's going on”

“Shu-”  

“Let's end it here.”

Let go.

It’s the blink of an eye.
Fast, almost unreal, mind and reason completely absent leaving his body driven by sheer ferocity and blind instinct.
Gasping for air, teeth bared and wide eyes, the two dancers were entangled in a dangerous climax, a step from each other's demise.
Cold metal pressing against warm skin and sending chills down the spine, either dreadful or exciting, depending on who you ask: Shuji, with a loaded gun pointed at his temple, or Chifuyu, with a sharp butterfly knife pushing into the tenderness of his throat. An immediate response to a barely noticeable movement out of his sight, probably not even aimed to harm him, but Chifuyu was such a nervous wreck that he didn’t stop to think and acted on impulse, drawing out his weapon. It was already too late to wonder if things could’ve gone in a different way, if he waited for Shuji to make his intentions clear.
He had made his move, now he had to face the consequences. 

Punishment had him grabbed by the waist, pushing him against the reaper’s chest, firm but gentle. Their hearts were beating like a drum, rumbling in contact with Chifuyu’s back, who could feel every breath of Shuji like they were his very own. Sin wasn’t showing any sign of hesitation, the shiny black blade an unmovable danger he certainly couldn’t ignore, not with the agility he had witnessed, no matter Shuji’s sugar coated words or deceiving body language. The tiniest error would’ve been automatically game over.
“Hyahah ♡ Yes! Just like that,” he praised from above Chifuyu's head, sounding extremely pleased, “it’s a great start!”

“Are you that eager to serve me a good show, Shuji? To delight me with your brains blooming in red snow?” taunted the other, poisonous tongue savoring each word of his sweet threat. “You could’ve asked an hour ago, I would've gladly accepted…”

“Oh my, a poet! I might fall in love… What else are you hiding, mmhh?” his right hand leaving his waist, frantically climbing Chifuyu's chest and stopping at the collarbones, the nimble fingers busy freeing the collar from the grip of his tie.
“Mind if I take a look? Bet you look just as pretty on the inside too~” moaned Shuji, slowly tracing a trajectory along the carotid, down to the base of the neck, and leaving a faint red trail behind. The pressure from the blade wasn't aggressive, but a clear warning.

A shiver ran through him, though Chifuyu wasn't sure if it was due to the sharp cold metal scratching his skin or the threat itself. “At least ask me out on a date first, asshole”  

“Hah? Is that so?”
The gun against his head had become more pressing but it didn't seem to worry him in the slightest.
“Well I could, but you still haven't done your part…”

“What, dying? No, I don't think I will”

“And tell me, Chifuyu, what are your other options? Living your life crawling like a pathetic worthless piece of trash, LYING to yourself to feel less bad about it?” He had suddenly become more aggressive, raising his voice and grabbing the younger by the throat, with enough strength to almost make him lose his grip on his weapon, easing the pressure on Shuji's temples. Lowering the knife to the height of Chifuyu’s liver, pushing with the flat of the blade so as not to cause bad injuries – not yet – he growled.
“Maybe you prefer to stab yourself and die a martyr for nothing, like Keisuke did?”

“KEEP HIS NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH”

As soon as it was less blocked, Chifuyu's left hand had promptly rushed to free his neck from his grasp, so it wouldn't choke him.
Yelling in a broken voice, shaking in all his rage.

Shuji shook his head and sighed deeply in response.
“How dull… Listen, I really don't wanna kill you”
He grabbed Chifuyu’s wrist, dragged down by Punishment, forcing his hand still wrapped around the gun to point towards the ground. Sin, instead, was once again after his throat. Blade dragged up under his chin, with a stinging feeling that forced him to crane and look the reaper straight in the purplish eyes. “You're my favorite, remember?” His face a twist of anguish, like he was genuinely worried for the young man, making you almost forget he was in fact a menace ready to strike. “But. You have to come to terms with what you've done… What we have done, when we were younger, and during these years together. You've changed but refuse to accept it. Can't you see it's backfiring?”

“What I see is that you were ready to gift me a new undesired air vent”

“Right back at you, Chi-fu-yu~” he hummed softly, his left hand abandoning its threatening place to move a strand of jet black hair with the pinkie, tucking it behind his ear, and immediately followed by a whisper. “We're kindred souls. Let me help you, let me show you a future where you won't have to suffer unnecessarily again… You won’t have to hide anymore.”

Chifuyu hardly held back a laugh, hysterical, but let his bluntness win. “Future you say? IF I die for you, then what future awaits after death? Don't make me laugh.”

Shuji frowned, like what he said offended him directly.
“Don't you believe in rebirth?”

“Why should I” 
A dry answer, with a brow raising in all his scepticism.

“Because it's your only way out”
And there it was again. His devilish smile, as appalling as it’s charming.

You have my attention
Haunt me in all of your ways

He talked about how change is in the nature of every living thing. How destroying the body would allow the real you to keep living under a new form. ‘Kill the Chifuyu of your past, and be born again…’ – like a chrysalis, an exuviae, and what is stored inside couldn’t wait to be set free. Such a nice way of describing what sounds like annihilation of self.

“Kill the Chifuyu of my past” no matter how much he turned around those words, they just didn’t make any sense, he was still that same person, right? …Right?  It was just doubts piling up again and again, contained only by that beautiful lie which he had built to keep the image of his innocence intact. “I’m nothing like him” and Chifuyu really wants to believe it, because in the filth of Toman he wasn’t supposed to be rotten. Inconceivable.

“Who do you think did, and is still doing, Kisaki’s dirty job?”

“I would never do th-”

“Don’t lie.”

His bruised heart went up in flames. Chifuyu would never, that was correct, then whose life was he wearing? It didn’t feel like acting anymore. A flurry of atrocious scenes ripped from his memories rose and instantly given way to the realization: the annihilation he so wanted to avoid was very likely already in effect. And it hurt, oh it hurt so much that Shuji’s promises never sounded more inviting… At that point, did it have any importance to keep playing pretend? 

Take what you want, leave me broken, leave me estranged.
Just tear me apart 

The hold around his wrist loosened, followed by a fond smile of the man that was turning his entire existence upside-down. “Just like you pointed that gun at my head unprovoked, let that part of you take the lead. Let it consume you, feed of your corpse and then i’ll finish the job for you ~”

Tell me Grim Reaper
Is my soul what you’re asking for?

It had been so liberating to let his violence loose earlier, it felt familiar. Shuji’s provocations were hitting exactly where he wanted and Chifuyu wasn’t sure if it was his own choice to let them, or if he just fell for it out of exhaustion. “Letting go, mmh?”  His viridian eyes lighted up, reciprocating the smile as he set himself free with a tug and quickly turned around, just to see his opponent welcoming with open arms the gun he had pointed at – for the second time that night. Nervous chuckles filled the air while his legs faltered, unwilling to believe he was going mental. Because what the fuck was that supposed to mean. Shuji has always been a mystery to decipher, nothing about him ever made sense – he was simply just like that, pure chaos in the shape of a man – but surrendering so easily? After all he said and did, there wasn’t absolutely any logic behind that move and yet… He was there, standing, admiring how he had reduced Chifuyu with great satisfaction printed on his face.

In intense situations, feelings – like hate, grief, anger – are associated with the soul. Just like ways of acting and reactions, having a soul is simply being alive. In it is stored the essence of a human being, their entire self, conferring individuality and humanity. Immortal, divine, intelligible. But unequally binded to the body, aspiring for freedom from the perishable being that imprisons it. Only death can give liberation, so it could continue existing in a new form. And to be reborn, souls are capable of leaving the body in a single, unique way.

Chifuyu’s face was suddenly pervaded by warmth.
His waist embraced by a Punishment that of chastisement had nothing at all, supporting him when his legs had given up. He didn’t hear the sound produced by both knife and gun, now laying abandoned between white crystals at their feet, after Sin hurried to join something way more important, interlacing their fingers. Nor had he been capable of opposing their lips joined in an overwhelming and aggressive kiss, taking his breath away and overpowering his senses. Shuji’s possessive tongue repeatedly tasting his, the flowery scent of his cologne getting into Chifuyu’s spirit – each passing second, at every grasp of air he was allowed to have, all he could feel was the reaper filling his lungs and eating him bit by bit from the inside. Making his way into his shivering heart, devouring it. Defenseless in the arms of death, left agape and once again hit by heating waves under pressing insatiable lips, eroding him ‘till there will be nothing left. 

Then take it.
Make me your equal.

He groaned softly, his head light and refusing to process what happened, savoring the aftertaste of a deal sealed in haste.
Shuji traced his cheek with soft kisses, reaching his ear, “Come home with me” he murmurs.

The younger one shook his head lightly, dismayed by the timing of that invite.
“I literally just tried to kill you twice… ” 

“ Ahah yeah, and it was hot as hell ♡ ”

I will haunt you back.

[  0   2 : 3 1 : 1 0 ]

Quiet and gentle spice.
Resembling the waft from a glass of absinthe with a pinch of cinnamon on top, dancing with bergamot and a skin-like, tobacco-sweet air about it. Felt like a blast, sharp like pepper, but also elegant and soft at the same time, flowery, personal. A fragrance that would sting first, and caress you later, inducing an addictive heinous elation: it filled the room, every fold, each breath. And so was his touch – expert hands carrying both pleasure and pain, wielding the power to shut down confusion and worries, bringing a so longed peace of mind Chifuyu had never been able to reach before. He was a flame squirming in the hands of the reaper, shaked by laboured breathing, craving air to keep burning. Intoxicated.
His head was being seized by a deep feeling of lightness, contrived happiness taking over any negative emotion, attributable to the couple of wine glasses Shuji offered him earlier – and that he had gladly accepted, to wash away the awkwardness of the moment. “Nothing wrong in using each other for once” the thought that made him cross the threshold of Shuji’s apartment, prompted by the possibility of getting closer in a different, more intimate way to pursue his ulterior motives. Manipulating in turn, reaching Kisaki through his trusted right-hand man, destroying all he had built on a more personal level. And playing out of rules, with the same objective, had turned out to be unbelievably pleasurable so far.
Their skin was a map of bruises, bite marks, scratches and salty droplets: silent evidence of Chifuyu’s searching for a punishment to make amends – and who better than Shuji could fulfill his request? – but also pain he craved to feel alive. To relive feelings he had chased and never forgotten, the kind of violence he had at heart the most. Coincidentally, it had proved himself that he still had a soul, too.
Holding on the sheets for his dear life, gasping for air between moans and curses, then the sweet release he was getting from it… He soon realized it couldn’t be a ‘just one time’ kind of thing. Like an addict, he needed that pain and intimacy to last.
Playing with the Grim Reaper had never been in his plans, not even ironically in his mind, but what Chifuyu found in him that night led to a selfishness he was ready to pay dearly. Unexpected replacement to fill the hole left by that back he had tried to reach for so long, before it was ripped away from him too soon. Hence, the idea of stealing someone of equal value for Kisaki felt so right and satisfying, enough to ignore the risks considering how he could benefit from it as well.

How could you be so stupid

[  0   3 : 0 5 : 0 0 ]

Heavy.

Everything, all at once. His entire body, the air, Shuji’s hands grip on his hips and lips barely touching the back of his neck, releasing long deep breaths – no, they weren’t touching at all, but the feeling was still unbearable. Like they were forcefully penetrating inside Chifuyu’s body, and the fingers on his hips clawing bones directly, torning his flesh apart. He felt like sinking in that toned body, so much bigger than his, disappearing inside Shuji’s rib cage: swallowed up by an invisible force that kept dragging him under, without end. And the air… It was crushing, painfully pushing his chest and burning through his mouth agape as the heart’s rate had quickened, deafening.

“Sh- fuck, SHU” 

The other murmured something in response, but he didn’t catch it. His voice was so faint, distant and almost unnoticeable, even though they were so close to be perceived as a single. The only thing Chifuyu could clearly hear was his own breathing and that heart that was frantically trying to explode. As his insides started to feel like catching fire in the climax of a last thrust, dizziness took over making the world go blur. 

“You…SHHu bastard, WINE I- I, shit… Think I too much”
Words didn't really come out as they should've, even talking was starting to be an insurmountable obstacle – and with growing anger, the young man would have persisted if it wasn't for the awful nausea that had started pervading him. 

“Wine? Oh no, silly, that’s not it. You’re falling into a K-hole”

The voice was certainly Shuji’s but it came directly from inside his head. “YOU FUCKING DRUGGED ME??!” he tried to scream but not a sound came out of his mouth, he wasn’t even sure of being in his own body anymore, totally numb to touch.
“Relax, it’s just Kit Kat! You’ll be fine, the overdose won’t kill you… I’m just doing my part ♡ ” his tone was cheerful, which made Chifuyu flare up even more. Spiked wine?! HOW could you trust so easily- He glanced at the hands on his waist, their shape wobbly and confused as the vague lines of Shuji’s tattoos started expanding, covering them entirely in black ink. A fraction of a second later, they were dripping along his pale bruised thighs.

“Breathe. Stay focused on your breathing”

Don't slip away. 

The dull ache, behind his teeth and in his chest, helped Chifuyu to stay conscious . He was facing the wall, sitting on his knees at the center of the bed with arms dropping on the sides, when he got hit by the realization: his body was completely unresponsive, devoured by increasing fear and inability to remember anything about himself. His name? His memories? Gone. Helpless spectator in a flesh cage he couldn’t recognize as his own, a puppet waiting to be infused with life by its creator's hands.

“Beautiful...”  

It came from every direction, a soft sough catching Chifuyu’s attention. The world was still an empty blur, so the younger abandoned himself to the remaining senses in order to visualize the other presence in the room. Creaking sounds of a wooden floor materialized in his mind the image of bare feet taking a few steps, just a little farther. The smell of cigarette, seeping into his lungs, shaped smoke figures with the intent of portraying the mysterious man’s face. 

He’s smiling

Not a certainty, but a feeling in Chifuyu's guts awakening a sense of annoyance, enough to make his eyelids tremble a little. He could feel overheated blood flowing in his veins, coloring his cheeks and warming his chest, but not exactly in a pleasurable way. The man with a cigarette might not have felt familiar yet, but surely they knew each other, although he couldn’t tell why and what kind of relation they had.
What else?
Muffled screams. The clicking of something metallic, fast breathing, someone's desperate whines. Another presence chuckled, gunshots in the distance, smell burning, eerie humming. Indistinct chatter, a light hearted laugh, the purring noise of a cat, the scent of rain on dry earth – overlapping and swirling all around, in a painful tumult.
It felt like crashing in the circles of Hell, judged and tortured by wrongs he didn’t remember committing and the most heart crushing memories of a stranger. Sudden scorching heat embraced the nude shell, wearing out body and soul bit by bit, as his sight started to rapidly black out…

“Stay with me, Chifuyu...” 
The warm deep voice admonished him in loving tone, followed by long exhales animating the smoke figure in Chifuyu’s head, quiet observer of his piece of art – a weak, wavering flame, reanimated by the man’s words, fed by the reassuring image of his hands like a safe haven to be held by. Regaining his sight, dragged back to reality.
But god if he wished he never did.

Looking daggers at him, a pair of bronze colored eyes was staring directly into Chifuyu’s in a harsh grimace. He appeared out of nowhere, sitting in turn on his knees, in front of the young man: long and slightly wavy jet-black hair framing his youthful face, a few strands messily falling in front of his gaze and thin lips curled in daunting disdain. Chifuyu really wanted to be able to reach out for that young boy’s face, to caress it, making sure he was real and not a hallucination. And he knows him, he’s sure of it, just as much as the firm grip around his frightened heart. I know you, echoes in the back of his mind, hunting for a name, something, anything . Heart sinks in the turmoil reflected by his wet eyes, as a couple of tears streamed down the reddened cheeks. The young boy’s expression softened, with a smile full of fondness. He cupped Chifuyu’s face in his palms, a gesture that shaked the other on the inside, unable to feel the contact of those gentle looking hands. “He’s not-”  

Real, was the thundering in his chest.

Real, were blurred images of his youth suddenly resurfacing.

Real, was the terror assailing Chifuyu, when from the ceiling started dripping a dark red fluid, covering walls, bed and everyone in the room, soaking the skin as the first lucid thoughts swarmed in his head. Looking at the young boy in front of him falling apart, hands and face decomposing, exposing his insides as red as the blood they joined, streaming away in a trail of fire.

An inhumane scream broke the stillness in the air, reverberating inside Chifuyu’s ears and throat, leaving him out of breath and panic-stricken while trying to process everything. It was too much , even for him, so good at being composed under life threatening and high-pressure situations. He could taste the saltiness of his own tears and almost wished to choke on them, to make it stop, caving to cowardice. If only he could have ripped the skin off and ran away, leaving the skeleton behind with horror to escape the cold shivers crawling under his flesh, stinging like a thousand needles... Dying didn’t seem an option out of the question anymore , a thought that increased the lingering disgust in his mouth and dizziness, certainly not helped by the apparent inability to get enough oxygen into his lungs.

Shuji had joined him in the bed once again, sitting behind his back. “Treasure it Chifuyu, this terror,” he said, tracing circles around marks with his finger and leaving delicate kisses along his spine, one after each word, “as it’s in this intolerable distress that blooms the sublime beauty. And beauty is where your soul truly originates, making you whole.”
For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror which we are barely able to bear…
Chifuyu saw his arm clinging to his waist, and a faint tingling took over it, signaling the slow release from numbness. The reaper leaned on his shoulder, burying his lip in Chifuyu’s neck. “The chrysalis you’re trapped in, I'll shape it so that your soul could finally bloom into a new life.” With a rasping breath, Shuji parted to reach his clothes.

“Like cicadas in summer.” he continued, “They leave behind an existence spent six feet underground and get rid of their exuviae, to reborn in a new form endowed with wings” pulling out the knife and turning it over and over in his hands, reapproaching his terrified guest.

“I'll destroy your thousand winters and watch you change into a summer with no end. ”

What followed was no longer an hallucination generated by Chifuyu's mind, but the first real feeling since the start of that nightmare. Just a second after the cold blade pressed against his skin, an excruciating pain seared through thin but deep wounds on his back.
He was carving into the flesh like a sculptor with marble, forming a cicada's wings design, starting from the shoulder blades down to the base of the back. Shock and adrenaline promptly provided numbness again, that made it bearable for a little, as warm blood quickly poured out of the cuts covering Shuji's careful hands and Chifuyu's shivering back. He wanted to scream, punch his way out, but the intolerable stinging mixed burning sensation that exploded soon after completely froze him in place like an inanimate object. It really felt like dying, and for a good minute Chifuyu wasn't sure if he was still alive at all. Unable to hear anything but his own heart pounding, unable to see through the tears. Wet hands delicately grabbed his face and he felt the reassuring warmth of a kiss once again, before passing out in the arms of Death incarnate.

You let me do this to you 
Now you feel so alive 

From now on, our merge is eternal

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, you're fine
All of this is in your mind
Focus on the rising sun, slow down
It's all in my mind  

His head hurt like a bitch, when Chifuyu was woken up by the cold morning breeze. Confused, not recognizing the scenery around him, missing a good part of the previous night's memories. His whole body was aching on fire, pain coming in waves, reaching deep down to his spine. Iron-like smell he knew way too well was penetrating his nose, not helping with the nausea, and he instantly felt anxiety gripping him, making it hard to breathe. 

Fucking breathe, idiot
No one knows you're here alone
It's all in my head
It's all in my head

He lies to himself, it's all he can do. Seeking comfort in those same lies that brought him down that path. Holding his head between his knees, with clothes stained in red he somewhat knew it belonged to him, Chifuyu laughed hysterically. 

“MATSUNO!” 

He raised his head just enough to allow the eyes to see what was in front of him. Tachibana Naoto was running in his direction, signaling with a hand up in the air, his face the portrait of distress. “How did you-”

“Your phone had been out of reach all night, I got worried when I didn't get any report and geolocated it. And thank god I did, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?!” he was trying to hide it with a serious and scolding tone, but he was definitely on the verge of tears. Chifuyu never saw Naoto like that…

While the cop helped him to stand up and walk towards his car, he put together a half-assed excuse to not make him worry more, but also as an attempt to protect him. Shuji knew someone would've tracked him down. He knew. 

“What kind of sick game are we playing now, uh?”

A subtle smile curved Chifuyu's lips at the thought, interested and thrilled by that turning point in their 'relationship' . Hanma Shuji demonstrated once again of being an unpredictable crazy bastard, but what was more worrying wasn't his behavior. No, Shuji didn't change a single bit. Himself, on the contrary…  

Who's gonna devour who first, Reaper?

And pregusting their upcoming encounters, Chifuyu accepted the future he had been gifted.