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“Bo-Katan? Bo-Katan Kryze?”
Bo-Katan looked up from her datapad at the sound of her name, eyebrows furrowed together as she looked around for the speaker. No one had known she was here, waiting for a contact on a small planet near Bespin. It had been a surprise to hear her name, her full name nonetheless, and she looked around frantically before her gaze settled on someone standing in the doorway to the cantina.
She squinted at the figure for a second as a tall Togruta walked in and stared at her. Ahsoka? Her heart rattled around against her ribs. I thought you died. Ezra Bridger told me you had died. A wave of nausea overtook her, and her vision narrowed as she watched her push through the busy cantina and towards the table where she was sitting.
“Ahsoka?” She managed out, voice weak when she finally spoke. “Is it really you?”
Ahsoka pulled up a chair across from her and she let her gaze flit over her face, across the features on her face changed by time, and her now long and pointed lekku and montrals. “When I heard about Mandalore, I feared the worst.” She said softly.
“I—” she continued to gape at her for a moment longer, feeling as though she was looking at a ghost. Her vision was blackened, focused on Ahsoka sitting in front of her, alive, and she felt like she had been thrown into the sea only to be pulled under by the waves and drowned. “Ezra said—”
Ahsoka frowned and shook her head. “He didn’t know.”
“Ahsoka,” her voice trembled, “he told me you died.”
She took a shaky breath and didn’t respond for a moment. “It’s more complicated than that. But I’m not dead.”
“Clearly.” She pressed her lips together. “Then why did Ezra think you were?”
“It’s a…long story.” Ahsoka closed her eyes wearily. “Full of Force bantha-shit I know you don’t want to hear.”
“How did you know I was here? I was under the impression no one knew.”
“I didn’t know you were here. I landed here to refuel and I…” she looked down at the table, trailing off, and tracing the wood grain with the tip of her finger. “I felt you in the Force.” She added quietly.
“What?” She asked incredulously. Does the Force work like that? It wasn’t like she knew how it worked in the first place.
“I landed here, and I reached out first, and I felt you. I…I don’t think I could ever forget how you feel.” She wouldn’t meet her gaze and spoke quietly, almost reverently.
Bo-Katan studied her carefully for another moment. Ahsoka, back from the dead. Ahsoka, fuck, she had done her best to forget about it all after she had ‘died’. She became just another person close to her who was dead as a result of the war, but now she was sitting in front of her. Her throat constricted when she met those unnaturally bright, blue eyes. Nothing had changed. Everything had changed.
“How do I feel in the Force?” Her voice rasped.
“Like a fire.” Ahsoka answered instantly, with no hesitation.
Stay. Stay. Stay. Stay. Her impulse pulled at her, reached down into her bones, and through her body. Stay. She was filled with a desperate urge to sink her claws into her and not let her go again.
“I have an apartment here. Do you want to stay for a bit?”
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Bo-Katan glanced back at Ahsoka as she heated water up for some tea. She was sitting on the low and overstuffed couch in the two-room apartment she was renting, and her heart continued to slam around inside of her unsteadily. Her hands shook when she poured the hot water into two identical cups, dropped in the tea bags, and handed one of the mugs to her.
“I know you must have a lot of questions for me.” Ahsoka took the mug in both hands, wrapped her long fingers around the ceramic surface.
Bo-Katan sat on the low table directly across from her and set her own cup down. “I don’t even know where to begin.” She admitted.
“I’m sorry for not finding you sooner, for not trying to come to Mandalore, Bo I—” Ahsoka shook her head. “If I had known you were alive, if I had thought there was anything I could’ve done, you must know I would have done anything. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through.”
She blinked at her in disbelief. Come to Mandalore? Gods, you would have died there, too. “You would have died if you had come.” She insisted. “I don’t know how I didn’t.” She rocked unsteadily in place as she thought. “Ahsoka, everything is gone.” Her voice had shattered to pieces by the time she hit the last word.
Everything is gone. Her hands shook violently. It had been years now since the Purge, since the destruction of Mandalore, and every time she thought of it, it felt like she was coming apart at the seams. The only thing she could think to do was to ignore that it had happened, blind herself to the truth, and try and push through the pain. Everything is gone.
“Oh, Bo.” Ahsoka’s voice was quiet.
She hung her head, staring at her boots and the floor. I failed my people. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Ahsoka stand up, felt her arms wrap around her, pulling her into an awkward hug. The top of her head pressed into the space just below Ahsoka’s sternum and she quietly shook in place, fighting back tears she had struggled to hold in for so long.
She wordlessly reached for Ahsoka’s forearms and pulled herself to her feet from the table, clinging to her skin like her life depended on it. She had been traveling by herself for so long now, it had been months (maybe years) since she had allowed any sort of company. She couldn’t bring herself to meet her gaze, not yet.
Bo-Katan released her desperate hold on her arms and instead wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling them together in a tight hug. Immediately, she felt Ahsoka’s arms around her and she pressed her face into her shoulder, eyes squeezed shut. There was still a chance that if she opened them everything would dissolve away again and facing that seemed insurmountable at the moment.
“Gods, I’m so glad to see you.” Her voice was muffled by Ahsoka’s skin.
“You have no idea.” One of Ahsoka’s hands came up to cup the back of her neck, her fingers toying with the ends of her hair that she had allowed to get too long. “Have you been alone all this time?”
“Yeah.” She didn’t let go of Ahsoka, didn’t move. “I’m waiting for a contact to show up here, but I don’t know when they’ll come. I’m looking for Moff Gideon.”
“Gideon?” Ahsoka forced her face out of her shoulder to look down at her. Oh, you’re taller than me now, she looked up at her. “Bo—”
“He’s got the Darksaber. I have to.”
“And what about your armor? Why aren’t you wearing it?”
“I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. The armor, my helmet is too recognizable. I’m perfectly capable of keeping myself safe without it.”
Ahsoka nodded as she thought. “That makes sense.”
“Look, Ahsoka, if you need a place to stay for a bit…” she looked up at her, trying not to get her hopes up. Please stay, please stay. “I know it’s already late.”
She blinked at her in surprise for a beat. “I’ve just been waiting for Sabine to call me. I have nowhere to be.”
Her next breath caught in her throat as she stared expectantly at her. Do you remember? She couldn’t help but wonder as she studied her face, tracked the way the white markings that framed her eyes and sharp cheek bones had changed over their time apart. It was hard to tell, but she couldn’t ignore the feeling that she did.
But it had been so long ago. It was perfectly reasonable that she had forgotten everything that had happened during the Clone Wars, it wasn’t like she hadn’t tried to forget, either. Do you remember? She pushed it away, it wasn’t important. What was important was that she was alive after all this time, after so many terrible things had happened to both of them, and now, against all odds they were together again.
“Anyways, uh,” she tried not to look up too expectantly and failed miserably. “You’re welcome to stay for however long you want. You don’t have to or anything…” she wasn’t quite sure how to finish the thought.
“I can stay for a few days.” Ahsoka answered quickly, her eyes growing wide, and the corners of her mouth twitching up into a small smile. She glanced behind her, out the window to see the sun dipping below the horizon. “Do you want to get something to eat?”
“Yes.”
Bo-Katan couldn’t quite bring herself to let go of her first, still afraid that this was some sort of elaborately constructed dream, but managed to slowly untangle her arms and step back from the other woman sheepishly. It had been a while since she had thrown herself into someone else’s arms without so much as a second thought, and she was trying very hard not to read into why that was her first instinct.
They made their way back downstairs and across the street to the same place Bo-Katan had been in earlier in the day. She glanced at Ahsoka out of the corner of her eye in the half-light, still unconvinced that she was real. Maybe tomorrow she could be convinced of such impossibilities, but for now it felt like she was walking through a dream state.
“You have to tell me what happened.” Bo-Katan finally said when they sat down in a booth tucked into the back corner of the space. “Why did Ezra tell me you were dead?”
Ahsoka sighed. “You’re going to laugh.”
“I am most certainly not going to laugh, Ahsoka.” I wasn’t laughing when he told me.
She had overhead Kanan and Ezra speaking, and she knew it was out of line to be listening in on their conversation, but she hadn’t been entirely convinced she could trust them. In the midst of this, she swore she overheard the two of them say her name. Ahsoka. Her pulse beat rapidly in her throat. Is she alive? Is she okay?
It was hard not to reveal her hand there, reveal she had been listening to them, but she tucked the hope that she really was okay close to her chest. The simple idea that in the wake of so much loss that something, someone had survived it all was a flame inside of her and she carried it until she could finally pull Ezra aside and ask him.
She immediately wished she hadn’t.
“Is everything okay?” He cocked his head to the side and for an odd moment he looked terribly young.
“I’m sorry if this is too forward, but I overheard you and Kanan speaking earlier. You mentioned someone, Ahsoka Tano? I’ve been looking for her for…” Bo-Katan watched the blood drain out of his face and the sentence died on her tongue, her stomach immediately twisting around itself and sinking.
“I—” his eyes teared up and he shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. “She died, a while ago now.”
Bo-Katan stared at him in shock for a moment, a cold spreading through her veins. “How?” Was all she could manage out.
“She died protecting Kanan and I from a Sith Lord. I’m so sorry.”
She set her jaw and held her helmet against her ribs so tight that it began to hurt. There was nothing left to say to him, so she simply nodded and walked away. She had spent enough time around Jedi to know that he knew how she felt. The anger and sadness were sickening, but there wasn’t time to feel it now, and she pushed it away the best she could.
Ahsoka Tano. There was a fleeting moment of warmth, of hope, where she had thought there was a chance she had survived, and it had all been for nothing. It would have been better if she had kept it to herself and accepted that she had died years ago.
“Ezra told me you died protecting him from a Sith Lord.” Bo-Katan swirled the glass of water around on the table and glanced up at Ahsoka nervously.
“Do you remember my old Master, Anakin?” Ahsoka leaned forward on her elbows, frowning slightly.
“I do.”
“He fell to the Dark Side at the end of the Clone Wars. He was Darth Vader.” She whispered.
Darth Vader. A name she had heard in passing, a ghost, nothing more than the whisper in an alleyway. She had never been completely sure he was real.
“What?”
“I was on Malachor, and he showed up looking for Darth Maul who was also there—”
“I’m sorry, Maul?” She shuddered. “He’s not dead yet?”
“Well, he is now, but he wasn’t then. They were both after a Sith Holocron, and Ana—Vader attacked Ezra. I distracted him long enough for Kanan and Ezra to escape.” She bit down on her lip and looked towards the wall. “I was going to die. He was going to kill me.”
Her heart turned. He was going to kill me. Neither of them was strangers to fighting, not even with each other, regrettably, but to be fighting her old Master was something else entirely. She hadn’t known Anakin very well, or at all really, but the magnitude of such a betrayal wasn’t lost on her.
“What happened?” She looked back up, met her eyes.
“Ezra opened this place called the World Between Worlds. He pulled me into it, just before he was about to. It happened right before the Battle of Lothal.” Tears pooled in Ahsoka’s eyes, and she quickly blinked them away. “I should have died, but I didn’t.”
Bo-Katan stared at her in shock for a moment, feeling the weight of her story. After a heavy moment, she finally spoke. “Ahsoka, why would you think I would laugh at that?” She asked incredulously.
She shrugged. “It all seems a bit improbable. Anyways, Sabine and I are looking for Ezra now. He’s somewhere in the Unknown Regions.”
“She told me about that.”
“I’ve just been kind of…wandering around since the end of the war, you know? Alderaan is gone and Bail is dead, and I’ve been waiting for Sabine and Hera to call on me.”
Bo-Katan nodded, considered everything carefully. “You could stay with me, you know. If you wanted. For longer than a few days.” The words left her mouth before she could properly think them through and instantly regretted the way her feelings slipped out without resistance.
Ahsoka froze in place and stared at her. Her mouth ran dry, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away. The moment seemed to last forever, and she hoped a hole would open up in the ground and swallow her, save her from having to admit to the brief way she had opened herself up.
“I couldn’t just impose on you.”
“You’re not. Look at me. I’m living on this stupid rock by myself. You don’t have to or anything, but you certainly wouldn’t be imposing on me.” Gods, I’ve missed you so much. I don’t want to let you go again. It was stupid, selfish, and yet she couldn’t let go of the thought. She couldn’t stop the way the words rushed out of her mouth.
“Are you sure?”
Shortly after the Siege of Mandalore, the Old Republic had fallen. The Jedi were declared traitors, declared dead, and her blood ran cold. She had spent the days after the fall wondering if Ahsoka had lived through the ordeal, knew she was no traitor, and the urge to try and reach out and offer her sanctuary pulled at her.
She regretted not trying to find her sooner, not trying harder.
“Yes.” This is my chance to make that right. “I’m sure.”
Ahsoka’s shoulders dropped, the tension leaving them, and she shot a small smile at her. “I’d like that.”
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“I’m sorry I don’t have a lot of space.” Bo-Katan apologized when they returned, turning on a small light in the kitchen. “I only have the one bed; I can sleep on the couch if you want.” It’s not like I sleep much, anyways.
“Don’t be ridiculous, you don’t have to sleep on the couch.” Ahsoka set her bag on the table.
Bo-Katan blinked at her in surprise for a moment. Do you remember?
“Are you sure?”
Ahsoka unclipped her lightsabers from her belt and set them on the table. They looked different from when she had last seen them, longer, with slightly curved hilts. Are they different? She made a mental note to ask later.
“Yes, of course.” She dropped her vambraces on the table and stretched out her wrists with a crack. “Thank you.”
“For what?” Bo-Katan locked the door to the apartment behind her.
“Letting me stay with you.”
Letting you? I want you to stay. “Yeah, anytime.” She answered quietly. “Make yourself at home, I don’t have much here, but you’re welcome to whatever’s left in the cabinets.”
“Thank you.”
Their eyes met and Bo-Katan found herself suddenly feeling very lost once again. She couldn’t maintain it and glanced away as though she had broken some unspoken rule. Fuck. It was still like looking at a ghost whenever she looked at her. A ghost that she was very relieved to see.
“I’m going to shower, if that’s alright.”
“Of course.” Ahsoka nodded. “If you need anything, let me know.”
Bo-Katan nodded at her and made her way into the small refresher attached to the sparsely furnished bedroom. She shut the door and stared at her reflection in the small mirror, leaning forward on the sink. Her mind was racing too fast to parse through her thoughts properly, she stared back at the exhausted looking reflection of herself.
Ahsoka is alive. Ahsoka is here. She blinked slowly. Does she remember?
She shed her clothes from the day onto the floor, the air chilly on her skin. The shower only managed a paltry lukewarm temperature, and she turned it as high as it would go, flattening her hair down and away from her eyes. Does she remember? She couldn’t shake the thought, couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was too unclear, and she was afraid to outright ask.
Does she remember? Does she remember when we kissed? Does she remember drunkenly stumbling into my quarters that night? She squeezed her eyes shut. I remember. The water rolled down her face, over her closed eyes, and dripped off the tip of her nose. It was far too difficult to dissect how she was feeling right now, it was easier to simply be flooded with the relief that she was alive and that they had found their way back to each other.
She shut off the water after a few more minutes and stood, shivering in the stall. Her hands shook and she wrapped a towel around herself, dried off, looked in the mirror again. I look like a wet womprat.
When she finally stepped out of the refresher, Ahsoka was sitting on the far side of her bed reading off of a datapad like she had always been there. Bo-Katan stood in the doorway for a second, staring at her, and felt something tug in her chest. It was hard to ignore how natural it felt to see her there, to return to her as though she had never left.
“Are you alright?” Ahsoka’s voice brought her out of her thoughts, and she nodded.
“Yes, sorry. Are you?”
Ahsoka nodded and she breathed a sigh of relief. She stiffly made her way over and sat down on the edge of the other side and reached for the small light on the bedside table. She shut off the light, letting the light of the datapad illuminate the small room with blue light, and pulled her legs under the blankets.
“Bo?”
She looked over at her, partially illuminated from the light with the datapad. It felt like she had always been there. She slipped down the bed until she was laying down and staring up at her and fought the urge to reach over and grab her hand.
“Yes?” She breathed.
Ahsoka shut off the datapad and set it aside. There was a slim amount of light coming in from the closed window and she could see the outline of her montrals in it as she continued to stare at her, watched her also slip beneath the blankets.
“I’m glad I found you.” She murmured.
“Yeah, me too.”
After a few moments she heard her breathing deepen and watched the subtle rise and fall of her chest slow down. She couldn’t quite bring herself to look away and for a moment felt like she was invading on a moment that wasn’t meant to be hers. And yet she couldn’t help but stare in disbelief that Ahsoka had returned to her.
She stayed laying on her side and felt her eyes begin to grow heavy. It was usually so hard for her to sleep, but the even breathing of the woman next to her and the extra warmth from another body under the blankets seemed to lull her to sleep. She let her eyes close and drifted into sleep.
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When she woke up, Bo-Katan was alone.
She bolted upright and looked frantically around the room. Did I dream it? Did I imagine the whole thing? Her stomach turned and her vision swam until her eyes settled on the clearly disturbed other side of the bed, and she took a steadying breath. No, I didn’t imagine it.
The bedroom door had been left slightly open and she slowly made her way out, slowly peeking her head out into the kitchen area. Ahsoka was standing over the kitchen counter, slowly pouring hot water from the kettle over two mugs. She looked up after a moment and smiled at her.
“’Morning.” Bo-Katan murmured and came up beside her.
“Good morning yourself.” Ahsoka slid her a mug of caf.
She took a long sip. “What time is it?”
“Almost noon.”
I don’t think I’ve slept this late since I moved in. “Thanks for the caf.”
“Anytime.” Ahsoka picked up her own mug. “I was thinking.”
“Oh, you were?” Bo-Katan turned around and leaned against the counter and watched Ahsoka make her way over to the couch.
“Do you have your armor here?”
“Yes, of course.” She scowled slightly, took another sip. “Just because I’m not wearing it doesn’t mean I don’t have it with me.”
“We should head out of town then, into the woods, and spar.” Ahsoka looked up at her from behind her mug. “I want to see you fight.”
“You just want to kick my ass again.”
“That’s not true. I just think you could use a bit of space away from here.” She paused, took another drink. “And I want to see if you’ve gotten better since last time.”
Bo-Katan nodded. “Alright, you got it. I want to see those new lightsabers of yours, anyways.”
Ahsoka’s eyebrows arched up in surprise. “You noticed?”
“Mmhm, what happened to your old ones?”
“I left them, after Order 66. I made these out of Kyber crystals I stole from Inquisitors.”
“There were Inquisitors hunting you?”
“I’ll tell you about it once you go get your armor.”
Bo-Katan set her now empty mug in the sink and nodded. “Alright.”
She made her way back into the bedroom and crouched down at the foot of the bed, reaching underneath it for a large chest. She tugged it out and pressed her thumb to the scanner on the front, the latches undoing themselves, and the lid opening slowly. Tucked inside were two flight suits and her armor, hidden carefully away from prying eyes.
“That’s clever.” Ahsoka hovered behind her, looking down at the contents of the box.
“Yes, well,” Bo-Katan pulled out the lighter of the two flight suits – one split into two pieces and set it aside. “I’d sooner die than let anything happen to it.”
“That’s why I was surprised to see you without it.”
She began to take it out, piece-by-piece. She hadn’t closely inspected it since she had hidden it away when she moved in a few weeks ago. Everything was where she had left it, except her Westar-35’s, one of which was in her bedside table, and the other that she kept on her at all times.
The last bit to come out was her helmet. She held it in her hands for a moment and brushed a fine layer of dust off of the face, tracing the V-shaped sigil of House Kryze with the tip of her index finger, still acutely aware that Ahsoka was watching her throughout. It had been hard, but necessary to put it away. It was only temporary, or at least that was what she kept telling herself.
“I’ve got a bag I can put this in, and then I’ll put the armor on once we’re out of town.” Bo-Katan closed the trunk, now empty, and slid it back under the bed where it had come from. “Do you have a place in mind?”
“There’s a lot of uninhabited wooded area that I saw on my way in.” Ahsoka set her bag down on the bed and began to dig through it. “They seem remote and heavily covered enough that we could safely spar out there.”
Ahsoka took out a tunic and a loose-looking pair of pants and folded them neatly before setting them down on the rumpled bedspread. She turned her back to Bo-Katan and she instinctively looked down, heard the shirt she had worn to sleep hit the wooden floors, and for her part stayed crouched down, looking away and feeling the tips of her ears heat up.
She grabbed the two pieces of the flight suit and headed back into the refresher, throwing her sleep clothes into the same pile her clothing from the night before had gone into. I need to pull my hair out of the way, she thought as she secured the collar around her neck, it’s too long now, it won’t fit under my helmet.
It felt good to slip back into the rough canvas of the suit, feel the telltale stiffness around the shoulders and her knees. It felt right. It was harder than she had expected to wear normal clothes, too loose, too soft, and she found herself feeling vulnerable more often than not.
Bo-Katan grabbed the section of hair that had grown down past her shoulders and began to mindlessly braid it together, leaving a fairly short strand of braided hair snaking down her neck. She couldn’t help but laugh slightly at the sight, I look like I have a padawan braid. She took the braid and pinned it to the underside of her head, pressing against her neck, and making her hair look much shorter than it usually was.
She inspected it briefly in the mirror and shifted it around slightly until she was sure it would fit comfortably under her helmet. It felt good to get ready again and she basked in the feeling of her pinned back hair and the stiff flight suit and the anticipation of a good, harmless fight. She was practically buzzing with restless energy when she left the refresher and flashed a wide smile at Ahsoka.
Ahsoka was carefully packing her armor into a large bag she had dug out of the mostly empty closet in the room. She was fully dressed now and returned the smile with her own, butterflies exploding in her stomach when she did. Her lightsabers were hanging at her hips again as she had expected.
“Let me help with that.” She trusted Ahsoka with it, but rushed over nonetheless to help, feeling slightly guilty that she had left her to deal with her own equipment.
“It’s alright, don’t worry.” Ahsoka looked up from the bag, her eyes scanning over her, and suddenly she felt very exposed under her watchful gaze. “This suits you better than civilian clothes.”
Bo-Katan picked up her helmet, unsure of how to respond to the compliment. She reached over Ahsoka’s arms to set it into the bag, and their hands brushed together. A jolt ran up her arm and she felt her face begin to heat up again, and she once again looked down as she set the helmet in the bag, willing the feeling to go away. What is wrong with me?
“Thanks.” She responded awkwardly, the word sticking in her throat. I feel better already, more like myself. It had been hard to admit in the time she had spent on the planet, alone, she hadn’t felt very much like anything. She felt hollow almost, transient, simply waiting for the contact to come through so she could find some semblance of purpose again.
Ahsoka zipped the bag up and handed it to her, and she slung it over her shoulder. “Are you ready to go?”
Bo-Katan nodded at her. “I am if you are.”
She followed Ahsoka out of the apartment, down the stairs, and the pair walked down the main street of the small town and towards the gates leading out to the road. They both nodded at the guards positioned there and made their way down the stone road until the woods began to encroach around her, when Ahsoka grabbed her wrist and tugged her off the path and deeper into the trees.
The trees blotted out much of the sunlight, but she trusted Ahsoka as they wandered through the woods together. They walked quietly for a while, and she appreciated her presence. After another continued trek, Ahsoka stopped in a semi-clear area and turned around with a wide smile.
“What are you waiting for? Put it on.” She gestured at the bag.
Bo-Katan dropped her bag to the ground and undid the zipper with unsteady hands, quickly pulling out the pieces to her armor. The cold beskar felt good in her hands, heavy and right, and she began to latch it into place unconsciously, the same way she had nearly every day of her life.
Her breastplate went on first, the pressure felt good against her chest, and she found herself breathing a sigh of relief. Small pieces strapped on over top of her shoulders and then her pauldrons. The rest of the pieces came to her easily until all that was left was her helmet. Ahsoka nodded at her expectantly and she slipped it on over her head.
“How do you feel?” Ahsoka circled her, still watching her carefully.
Her hands fell to the holsters where her blasters were situated, fingers itching to curl around the grip. “I feel good.” She grinned widely even though she knew Ahsoka couldn’t see it. She felt better than she had in a long time, and dimly wondered why she had ever taken it off in the first place. “Alright, show me the lightsabers.”
Ahsoka grabbed them both off of her belt, one in each hand, angled away from her and towards the ground. She ignited them and two bright white blades extended out, a shorter blade in her left hand. White, that’s odd. I’ve never seen that before. She spun them around easily, the short blade in front of her in a reverse grip, and the longer one behind her.
“They’re white!” Bo-Katan said with a laugh. “I didn’t even know that was possible!”
“Me neither,” she looked down at the blade fondly, “I purified bled crystals.”
“Bled crystals?” She cocked her head to the side.
“Red Kyber, taken from Inquisitors. They’re mine now, though.” Ahsoka smiled widely and Bo-Katan caught a glimpse of her sharp teeth.
“Let’s see them, then, little jetii.” She goaded.
“Not a Jedi.” Ahsoka corrected her as they circled each other.
“Be fair about this.” Bo-Katan unholstered both blasters.
“When am I not fair?” She twirled the lightsabers again in her hands. There was a dangerous look in her eyes, like a lothcat locking in on its prey.
“No Force tricks.”
“No Force tricks?” Ahsoka laughed. “That’s definitely not fair.”
“Fine.” she conceded. “No Force tricks that will end the fight before I get to do anything, and nothing that will put me out of commission.”
“Deal.” She nodded at her.
The way Ahsoka was looking at her made a nervous knot form deep within her. Her eyes were narrowed, focused, and as they kept circling each other she remembered reading somewhere that Togruta were natural predators on Shili. There was a split second where she regretted initiating the fight, but before she could rethink it, Ahsoka lunged forward.
She backpedaled away from her, fired a warning shot that was easily deflected into the trees. She hastily repositioned her thumbs to set the blasters to stun, forgetting momentarily that they could bring actual harm if she wasn’t careful.
“No reason to set them to stun. You know two blasters wouldn’t do much against me.” Ahsoka teased.
“Better safe than sorry.”
Adrenaline coursed through her blood again and she relished in the way it made her hands shake, senses slightly heightened as she watched Ahsoka carefully. She engaged the blue energy shield on her left vambrace and rushed forward, catching her retaliatory strike with it and landed a well-placed kick against her knee.
Ahsoka stumbled backwards, still grinning, and steadied herself. With a shout, she charged forward and Bo-Katan blocked both blades – one with the blue shield and the other with the beskar of her right vambrace. The metal began to heat up uncomfortably under the blade and she pulled her arm away with a hiss, instead opting to land a swift punch against her stomach.
Ahsoka gasped and pushed her back with the Force, her boots leaving long trails in the dirt as she fought against it. She gritted her teeth and could still feel its cosmic hold on her limbs for a split second before Ahsoka let her go. She threw her blasters aside, useless as long as her opponent had lightsabers, and charged her again, hoping to knock her off balance.
She easily sidestepped her charge, catching her jetpack with her shorter lightsaber. I am not winning this fight, Bo-Katan realized as she turned around. She wasn’t landing effective hits, wasn’t combatting the lightsabers efficiently, and now it was costing her. If I can get her off balance, maybe I can disarm her.
Bo-Katan quickly looked to her legs and shot forward a length of rope from her right vambrace, wrapping it around Ahsoka’s shins. She shouted in surprise and Bo-Katan yanked on it hard, bringing Ahsoka to the ground with a dull thud. The rope retracted and she rushed over to kick her lightsabers out of the way but was stopped short by the Force again as Ahsoka clambered to her feet.
“That was good.” Ahsoka teased, keeping her frozen in place. “Just not enough.”
“What do you—” her sentence ended with a surprised shout as Ahsoka flung her back again with more force this time, leaving her sprawled on her back in the grass, and struggling to catch her breath.
In a flash, Ahsoka had her wrists pinned beside her head with the same wide smile she had as before. Her eyes landed on her lips and her heart pounded harder than it had during the fight as Ahsoka hovered over her. Neither of them dared to say anything for a moment.
“How do you feel?” Ahsoka asked.
Bo-Katan considered the question for a moment. Better. She felt better than she had felt in a while. It was tough to admit, but she knew she was constantly looking for a fight and this had been a good outlet for the energy she had kept pent up.
“Better.” She answered truthfully, wiggling around slightly under her iron grasp. “But let me up so I can try again.”
▬▬ι═══════ﺤ
“Ahsoka?”
Bo-Katan whispered her name in the dark, laying on her side to face the other woman in her bed. Ahsoka stirred after a moment with a quiet hum and rolled over, so they were both facing each other in the darkness.
She had been sitting on yet another question for a few days now. They had fallen into an easy rhythm of subtly patrolling the town, checking the comm on Ahsoka’s ship, and occasionally wandering out into the woods to spar. It felt good. It felt good to have a companion again. It felt better that it was Ahsoka by her side.
“Everything okay?” Ahsoka murmured sleepily in response. Her hand drifted into the space between them on the bed and Bo-Katan reached out unconsciously to brush the tips of their fingers together, following through on the urge she had been holding back.
Ahsoka turned her hand over, so her palm was facing up and laced their fingers together slowly in the darkness. Neither of them said anything as she did and Bo-Katan watched their fingers come together curiously in the center of the bed, reveled in the ways their skin touched in the moment.
Do you remember?
Why didn’t you come back to me? It was a horribly selfish thought, but one that she couldn’t seem to shake or find an answer to. You know I could have helped; I would have done anything. It was horribly selfish to wonder why Ahsoka hadn’t returned to Mandalore when things had gone wrong, it was unfair to Ahsoka to wonder why, but she so desperately wanted an answer.
Did you think that I would believe the Empire over you?
“After the end of the Clone Wars,” she began carefully, treading over a sensitive topic lightly. “When the clones turned on the Jedi, why didn’t you come back to Mandalore?”
Ahsoka didn’t answer for a long time but didn’t let go of her hand while she thought. She breathed in and then released a heavy sigh that felt like it was holding the weight of the universe on it. It was a tough topic, one they had both been avoiding, but the question nagged at Bo-Katan and burned away at her as more time passed.
“Ahsoka, I never…I never would have believed the propaganda that was being pushed. I could have protected you, I would have kept you hidden on Mandalore.” She curled her fingers instinctively against her skin. “Why didn’t you tell me you were alive? That you were okay?” The last part came out as a rough whisper.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to.” Ahsoka kept her voice quiet, hushed in the darkness of their room. “It just wasn’t safe.”
“I’m not afraid of the Empire, and I wasn’t then, either.”
“If I returned to you and the Empire had found out, they would have destroyed the planet, they would have torn it all apart, and if anyone had thought I survived,” she shuddered, “Mandalore would have been the first place they looked.”
“They already destroyed Mandalore.” She responded bitterly. They destroyed it anyways.
“I would have put you at a tremendous, unnecessary risk. I would have put you and your people in so much danger, Force, Bo I never would have asked that of you.” Ahsoka tucked her head against her shoulder, looking away from her. “I’m sorry I didn’t try to come to you sooner.”
Bo-Katan took a shaky breath, found the truth hard to accept. Ahsoka was right, of course, if she had returned to Mandalore both of them would have been in danger. It had been safer for her to disappear into the galaxy, but the years apart, the years without knowing still stung.
“You know I’m just glad you’re safe now, right?” Bo-Katan asked, squeezing her hand reassuringly. “I just—” Did you think I would have turned you away? That I wouldn’t have believed you?
“No. I knew.” Ahsoka answered like she had said her thoughts out loud. “I knew that if I had come to you, that you would have done anything.” Ahsoka finally looked back at her again and squeezed her hand in response. “That’s why I didn’t come. You would have done anything, even if it was reckless. It would have put both of us in danger if you had known I survived.”
Bo-Katan nodded shakily. The truth was acceptable, well within her grasp and understanding, and the sting subsided a bit. She could have guessed Ahsoka’s reasoning before this moment, but it was comforting to hear the words leave her mouth. Her heart settled a bit. It didn’t really matter what had happened then, and she tried to remind herself of it. It didn’t matter what had happened in the past. What mattered was that they were both alive and together again.
“I’m sorry, I just didn’t understand and I—”
“You don’t have to apologize.”
Ahsoka’s eyes glittered in the dim light and Bo-Katan held her breath for a moment as she stared at her in the darkness. “Thank you. For telling me.”
“Anytime.” Ahsoka squeezed her hand again and she returned it without thinking.
Ahsoka fell back asleep first and kept their hands together. Bo-Katan’s eyes bounced between their hands, still together, and Ahsoka’s face, relaxed by sleep. She resisted the urge to reach over with her other hand and trace the long white markings under her eyes and the angled ones adorning her forehead. She had always thought they suited her quite well and time had not changed that.
She fell asleep shortly afterwards to the sound of her gentle breathing and the warmth of the single place they remained connected.
When she woke up, their hands were still together.
▬▬ι═══════ﺤ
Bo-Katan mindlessly grabbed two mugs out of the cabinet, scooped ground caf into two conical filters, and boiled water to make the cups of caf. She hummed quietly to herself, a song she remembered bits and pieces of from when she was young and made the two cups without so much as a second thought.
It was very comfortable.
A rhythm had grown as Ahsoka spent more time here and she slipped into it easily, it stepped in time along with her heart and her lungs, a comforting presence alongside her own. She carried one mug in each hand and nudged the door to their bedroom open with her foot and shouldering it open the rest of the way.
Their room. Fuck. It wasn’t like that, at least she didn’t think it was. Maybe it had been, a long time ago, but not anymore. She shook the thought out, expelling it with the physical shake of her head, and set the mug down on the small table next to Ahsoka’s side of the bed.
Bo-Katan sat down, cross-legged on her side of the bed. The door to the refresher was closed and she could hear the sound of the shower running and she looked down and took a long drink before setting the mug aside. To her right was the empty other side of the bed with rumpled sheets and the thin blanket pulled back.
She reached out, ran her open palm over the fabric, trying to capture some of the leftover warmth from where Ahsoka had been sleeping. The lock to the refresher clicked open and she snatched her hand away from the space and grabbed her mug again.
Ahsoka stepped out into their room with a towel wrapped tightly around her midsection. Bo-Katan looked back down into the swirling liquid in the mug quickly as she knelt down, and undid the latches on an old trunk they had found and set aside a shirt.
“There’s a cup of caf for you on the table when you’re ready.” Bo-Katan awkwardly broke the silence and Ahsoka stood back up with her clothes.
“Thanks,” she punctuated the thought with an easy smile, “also, I’m sorry I forgot to bring these in with me.” She gestured with the bundle of clothes she held in her arms.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Bo-Katan took another drink from the mug, still avoiding looking at her too closely.
Ahsoka stepped back into the refresher and Bo-Katan watched the way her shoulders flexed slightly as she pulled the door open, watching her carefully from above the rim of the cup, emboldened by Ahsoka not being able to see her. The door shut behind her and the lock clicked quietly into place.
Ahsoka came back out after a moment, fully dressed. Her sleeves were rolled up just above the elbows and she stepped around the bed carefully, picking up the cup Bo-Katan had set down prior. She took a long drink and nodded at her with a smile.
“We should go to the store today, we’re almost out of food.” Ahsoka suggested. “Have you heard from the contact you’re waiting for yet?”
Bo-Katan grabbed both of the empty cups and brought them into the kitchen with Ahsoka trailing behind her. She set them in the sink and filled both with water to stop what was left of the caf from staining the ceramic.
She hadn’t heard from anyone in a few days. The unnamed contact was supposed to provide her with tracking information for Gideon’s Light Cruiser and they had been communicating primarily with Koska Reeves prior to her arriving here. Koska hadn’t sent any new information over and so she remained, waiting.
It wasn’t so bad to be waiting now. At least she wasn’t alone.
“Bo?” Ahsoka grabbed her shoulder, gently turning her so they were facing each other. “You haven’t, have you?”
She shrugged out of her grasp and grabbed her jacket off of the back of a chair. She reached into one of the pockets and felt the cool metal of loose credits against her fingers. “No.” She finally admitted, giving into the frustration of it all.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” She sighed. Was I given a bad lead? Someone would have called me by now if something was off, and I wasn’t given a specific timeframe or deadline. I just have to wait here and hope that someone shows up, and that the information is legitimate. It was becoming hard to stay patient, stay even remotely optimistic at the prospect of reclaiming the Darksaber.
“C’mon, it’ll help you clear your head to get out of here.” Ahsoka grabbed her wrist and gently tugged her towards the door.
She let Ahsoka pull her towards the door without complaint, into the narrow hallway, and down the stairs. They walked outside to a dreary day, the clouds looking as though they were ready to let go of the rain inside of them at any second.
“I’m just frustrated.” Bo-Katan gently pulled her wrist away as they walked down the side of the road, avoiding the rusting speeders taking over the middle of the street.
“I can imagine.” Ahsoka looked down at her, an unmistakable fondness in her eyes that made her chest tighten uncomfortably.
“I know what my purpose is. And I know I’m not doing it. I’m failing again, Ahsoka.” She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket and pulled down, the fabric constricting around her shoulders.
“You never failed.” She said softly. “It’s not your fault.”
Bo-Katan didn’t respond, just kept her sights ahead of them.
“You don’t believe me when I say that, do you?”
“I have a hard time believing you.” She pressed her lips into a thin line.
“I can feel your hurt and your devastation.” Ahsoka leaned in, still keeping her voice quiet. “And I know how you feel.”
“I know you know loss.” The loss of the Jedi felt unfathomable to her, even now. She had considered them enemies, and then later allies, even if she found them frustrating and confusing at times. “Does the Force feel different now?”
Ahsoka noticeably shuddered. “I can tell you about it later, if you want.”
“I’d like that.”
“Really?”
They stopped outside of the general store, facing each other. Ahsoka’s eyebrows were drawn together in confusion, and it looked like she had a question sitting on the tip of her tongue.
The Force was something terribly abstract to her, but shockingly near to Ahsoka always. It was terribly abstract to her, but she told her that she felt like a fire within it, and she wished she could know Ahsoka in the same way. I wish I knew what you felt like in the Force. She resisted the urge to grab her hand, to tell her that.
“Yes, really.”
“Alright.” The look of confusion was quickly replaced with a brilliant smile. “Tonight, then.”
▬▬ι═══════ﺤ
Later that night, Ahsoka stood on the tips of her toes and reached for the cabinet above the stovetop that was well out of Bo-Katan’s reach. She floated two glass cups down with a twitch of her fingers and the Force brought them down to the counter easily. She stared up at the still open cabinet and a glass bottle floated down beside the cups.
“Where did you get this?” Bo-Katan grabbed the bottle, lifted it up, and swirled it around, eyeing the clear liquid curiously. “Where did you find this? When did you find this?” They had spent most of the past weeks with each other and she continued to inspect it.
“You know what it is, right?” Ahsoka grinned at her and grabbed both glasses by the rim with one hand.
“It’s tihaar, isn’t it?” She confirmed, pulling the cork out of the neck of the bottle, and could immediately smell the sharpness of the alcohol.
“I found it last time you were on a call with Koska and everyone else. I took a walk, found someone selling it, did my best to confirm it was legitimate.” Ahsoka gently pried the bottle out of her hands and filled both glasses about a quarter of the way up. “To the best of my knowledge it is.”
“Thank you.” She took the glass off the counter and then hopped up the sit on the narrow kitchen counter, looking expectantly at Ahsoka as she took a drink. She watched her cringe slightly at the first sip and stifled a laugh.
“I should have known this was going to be strong.” She stuck her tongue out slightly.
“Is it too much for you?” She teased, smiling, and taking a drink out of her own cup, relishing in the way it burned her way down her throat.
“Shut up.” Ahsoka laughed, leaned back against the kitchen table.
“You told me you’d tell me about the Force.” Bo-Katan prodded. “So, tell me about the Force.”
Ahsoka chuckled and took another drink. “Get down from the counter first, before you fall off.”
Bo-Katan slipped off the counter easily and followed Ahsoka to the couch. She settled down comfortably beside her, tucking her legs underneath herself, and leaning slightly into Ahsoka’s shoulder. They both took another drink and Bo-Katan pressed herself more into Ahsoka’s side, desperate for the warmth from her body.
“After the war, after Order 66, when I reached out into the Force…I felt nothing.” Ahsoka whispered, set her empty glass down on the table. “I could usually feel my Master, Anakin, or Obi-Wan no matter where they were in the galaxy. When I tried to reach for them afterwards, there was nothing there.”
“Can you really feel people?” Bo-Katan asked, a bit mesmerized by the idea of being able to perceive the world around them in a way invisible to most people.
“All living beings are connected through the Force. I felt…”
Bo-Katan stared at her, watched an internal debate happen within Ahsoka as she fought to find footing with her words. All living beings are connected through the Force. If that’s the case, did she feel…
She stared up at her. Oh.
Bo-Katan reached up, gently turned her head so she could look down at her. “You felt Mandalore fall to the Empire, didn’t you?”
Ahsoka nodded. “Among other things. Did you know that you’re very good at closing yourself off from the Force?”
Bo-Katan finished her glass and immediately reached to pour more in her glass. “No, I didn’t. Do you want more?”
Ahsoka nodded and she passed her glass back to her. “I tried to reach out to you after I felt Mandalore fall, and I couldn’t. That’s why I didn’t look for you harder. I couldn’t feel you.”
Bo-Katan remembered wandering around for months after the Purge in a stupor. She didn’t remember much about it, only that she was barely alive for most of it. She drifted in and out of existence for months, ghosting through the halls of Kalevala, drunk more often than not, and trying to forget about everything that happened.
In the empty expanse that had happened afterwards, the cold and the hollow, she had not only managed to shut herself out from the people around her, but the galaxy itself according to Ahsoka. It was a chilling realization, her emotions could so directly influence the way she existed within the subtext of the world, and even hiding from the Force – the very thing that permeated the entire universe.
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t do it on purpose.
“It’s a useful skill to have, even if it’s only subconscious.”
“I would never have closed myself off from you on purpose.” Bo-Katan’s cheeks burned, and she slipped her hand up the column of Ahsoka’s neck, cupping the underside of her jaw. Ahsoka’s heartbeat thrummed under the pads of her fingers, vibrant, alive.
“Nor I, you.” Ahsoka covered her hand with her own, pressed their foreheads together.
They were so close together and Ahsoka’s eyes were clear, blue, and held steadily with her own. She pulled Ahsoka down into a hug, shoving her face into her neck where her hands had been just a moment ago. Ahsoka’s arms came around behind her, keeping them pressed together in a tight embrace.
“I know I’ve said it over and over again,” She let her lips brush against her skin as she spoke. “But Gods, I am so glad you’re alive and here.”
“Me too.” Ahsoka’s words vibrated against the top of her head, and she felt a light kiss pressed there. “You have no idea how relieved I was when I felt you again. I was nervous it was a trick, that it wasn’t really you.”
Do you remember? She trembled slightly at the display of affection, tried to stop her hands from shaking. It was still so hard to be certain. The bottle of tihaar sat empty on the table and the alcohol had long since seeped into her, making her feel hot and heavy in Ahsoka’s arms.
Bo-Katan pried her head out of Ahsoka’s neck to meet her eyes again, pressed their foreheads together, and her gaze hung on Ahsoka’s lips – slightly parted as they stared at each other once. She brought her hand up between them and traced the outline of her lower lip with the pad of her thumb.
Ahsoka wrapped her fingers around her wrist, bringing her hand away from her face slowly, and the pad of her thumb pressed into the palm of Bo-Katan’s hand. “You’re drunk.” She whispered with a smile.
“Maybe.” Bo-Katan smiled up at her.
“Let’s get you to bed.” Ahsoka tugged her to her feet.
She wrapped her arm around Ahsoka’s waist, and she returned the gesture, the two of them walking side-by-side towards their room. The door had been left propped open from the morning and they walked through, still anchored together, and Bo-Katan pulled the door shut behind them.
Ahsoka let go of her and grabbed her sleep clothes, tossing them towards Bo-Katan. She caught them in her arms with a laugh.
“Put those on, come on.”
Ahsoka turned her back to her and slipped off the shirt she was wearing that day, exposing the well-defined muscles of her back and shoulder. Bo-Katan couldn’t bring herself to tear her eyes away from the woman before her, tracing the curves of her shoulder blades, and the long lek snaking down the center of her back, curving ever so slightly at the end.
“What are you looking at?” Ahsoka looked at her from over her shoulder and Bo-Katan’s heart stopped. I’m looking at you.
She grinned in response and shook her head. “It’s nothing.”
“Then put on your pajamas.” She pulled her shirt over her head, the collar getting snagged on the curved ends of her montrals. Ahsoka yanked the shirt the rest of the way on, carefully resituating her lekku above the fabric.
“Fine, fine.” Bo-Katan conceded and turned her back to Ahsoka, quickly stripping out of her clothes, and trading them for softer, more well-worn sleep clothes.
When she turned back around Ahsoka was already sitting on her side of the bed, doing her best to smooth out the sheets and blankets of their unmade bed. Their bed. Why couldn’t it be theirs? They had been sharing it for weeks now, now it just felt dishonest not to admit that it truly was both of theirs.
She slipped under the blankets on her side, turning out the only light in the room from her lamp, and rolled over to face Ahsoka. They were staring at each other again, and their hands met in the middle, fingers tangled together.
More than anything she wanted to close the distance between them once and for all, she wanted to lunge across the bed, press their lips together, and feel her body beneath her. She wanted to hold her face in both of her hands and trace the curved outline of her montrals, feel the rougher white skin there under the pads of her fingers, and make a map of the blue stripes that curved around them.
She wanted to close the carefully made space in between them so badly she felt the urge scraping against the inside of her skin. It clawed at her, tried to fight its way out, and yet she pushed it away the best she could. She could be content with the gentle connection of their fingertips, the kind and reverent way Ahsoka looked at her, apparent even when they were sparring.
She didn’t know what Ahsoka wanted. Bo-Katan knew so desperately what she wanted, what she had been pushing away since the second Ahsoka had walked into the cantina and said her name. She knew what she wanted, but it didn’t matter, not as long as she didn’t know what Ahsoka wanted. The only thing that really mattered was they were together again and no matter how badly her instincts shredded at her insides, it was not worth losing this. There was nothing worth losing her again.
“Are you feeling alright?” Ahsoka asked, giving her hand a squeeze.
“Yes.” She breathed in response. It was true. She always had felt at-ease in Ahsoka’s company. “Are you?”
“Yes.” Ahsoka closed her eyes for a long moment and exhaled gently through her nose.
“We could go back into the woods tomorrow.” Bo-Katan sleepily suggested.
“I should teach you how to meditate.” Her eyes stayed closed. “I think some meditation could help you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She giggled.
Ahsoka hummed softly in response as an acknowledgment. “Nothing. Just that you seem to always have a lot on your mind. It could be good for you to meditate, that’s all.”
“Alright.” She tentatively agreed. “If you want to go out into the woods and meditate, I’d be happy to try.”
“I’d like that.” Ahsoka opened her eyes again, blinked sleepily. “Do you mind if I sleep, Bo?”
“Not at all.” Bo-Katan withdrew her hand.
“Goodnight, Bo.” Ahsoka smiled at her and rolled to her other side, facing away from her.
Bo-Katan wasn’t quite tired enough to fall asleep yet, her heart still beat loudly in her ears, and her hands shook with the recognition of her desire. She stared at Ahsoka in the darkness, at her exposed shoulders, her long center lek, and the even way her shoulders rose and fell in the darkness.
I want to close the gap. She reached into the sheets between them. I want to close the gap. The thought rang loudly in her head as she studied the curves of her back and her side, the way they disappeared below the rough blankets.
“Bo?” Ahsoka murmured her name so quietly in the darkness that she thought she had imagined it for a moment. “You can come here, if you want.” She added with a soft whisper.
Bo-Katan froze for a moment, felt her fingers curl against the sheets, considering what she had said. She slowly inched her way across the bed until she pressed against Ahsoka’s back and draped her left arm over her side. Ahsoka shifted so she could bring her other arm beneath her, finally holding her.
She pressed her face into the space between the lek running down over Ahsoka’s shoulder and her neck, holding her closely, feeling the warmth of her body, and the sleepy rhythm of her heart and breathing. She smelled like pine needles and the rain.
“Ahsoka?” Her lips skimmed across the same shoulder blade she had been staring at moments before.
Ahsoka hummed in response, not forming full words in the darkness.
“What do I feel like in the Force?” Bo-Katan shifted so her forehead was resting against the top of her shoulder.
“Like a fire.” She answered instantly, bringing her hand over top her own and threading their fingers together.
▬▬ι═══════ﺤ
They woke up, still pressed together, and Bo-Katan couldn’t help the smile that emerged. Ahsoka was still asleep, and she snuggled closer to her as the sun rose and illuminated their room. Ahsoka woke up slowly and looked over her shoulder curiously as she came to awareness.
“’Morning.” She whispered roughly, pushing herself further into Bo-Katan’s embrace.
“’Morning.” Bo-Katan nuzzled her face into her neck. “How are you feeling?”
“Ugh, I haven’t been hungover in so long. It’s kind of embarrassing.” Ahsoka laughed, closed her eyes again, and fell back against the mattress. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine. I just don’t think you can hold your liquor.”
A shrill beeping noise sounded from the other room. They both looked up at the noise, at the closed door to their room, and Ahsoka groaned, wiggling out of her arms. “Sorry, I’m pretty sure that’s mine.”
When Ahsoka stood up, she was backlit by the windows, and smiled down at her. The light haloed around her head, making her look almost otherworldly. Then she padded out of the bedroom towards the telltale beeping of a commlink. Bo-Katan heard her answer the call, and she sighed, peeling herself out of bed and walking into the refresher.
She shut the door behind her and locked it, splashing water on her face. What does Ahsoka want? She wondered when she looked back up in the mirror and combed out the tangles in her hair. The ghost of Ahsoka’s skin echoed against her own as she shed her sleep clothes and changed into canvas pants and a plain shirt.
Does she remember? The thought was louder now, more aggressive in light of their exchange last night. She leaned forward with her palms on the sink and hung her head. Does she remember? It was beginning to seem more and more improbable that she didn’t.
Does she remember the way we kissed that night? She braided a loose strand of hair that was hanging in her face and tucked it behind her ear. She had still been taller than Ahsoka then, although admittedly not by much. Neither of them had been able to sleep and had found themselves sitting around a small dejarik table on the ship and drinking, not so different from last night.
She asked her if Lux Bonteri had been her first kiss, and after an amount of cajoling had gotten an answer. Yes, which had been her expected answer, and then the less expected answer: that had been her only kiss. In her infinite wisdom, she offered to kiss her then.
The less expected answer was Ahsoka said yes.
At the end of the Siege, they had exchanged a curt handshake, and she watched her ship fly off-world and something deep twisted in her chest. She hadn’t wanted Ahsoka to leave then, although it was not her place to ask that of her. Shortly after that she had received the news that she had died along with the rest of the Jedi traitors, and she felt a part of her break.
It was the same part of her that had broken again when Ezra told her she died. It had been more than simply foolish to hope she had lived, the fleeting moment of hope that slipped through her hands, and unraveled as instantaneously as it had materialized threatened to choke her in its wake.
Of course, Ahsoka didn’t know about any of that. She had been running from the Empire, and then was actually dead for a number of years before she had been rescued from an unimaginable fate. As far as Ahsoka had known, she died in the Purge. It hadn’t been an unrealistic assumption to make, and she didn’t begrudge her for it.
I never would have closed myself off from you, not on purpose. She squeezed her eyes closed and turned away from the mirror. Gods, I’m sorry.
She let herself out of the refresher after another moment and heard Ahsoka moving around in the kitchen again. When she peeked her head out, she saw her towering over two mugs again, and pouring boiling water into the cups. She looked up when she sensed her presence and waved wordlessly.
Ahsoka handed her the mug without another word and they both took a long drink at the same time. Should we talk about last night? She wondered, not daring to meet Ahsoka’s eyes.
“Sabine called.” Ahsoka said after a long moment.
“Is she alright?”
“Yes, just calling me to let me know nothing has changed. We don’t have a lead.” She shook her head.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright.” Ahsoka sighed and pressed her palm into her forehead. “It would be easier if I could feel him, but I can’t.”
“You think there’s a chance he’s not alive.” Bo-Katan frowned, filling in the rest of the thought that Ahsoka wasn’t willing to speak into existence. “It will crush Sabine if he’s truly dead.”
“I know.”
They stood beside each other in the kitchen, the fact sitting heavy in between them. The rhythm of waking up and making each other caf had only been slightly interrupted by the unscheduled call and the adjusted circumstances in which they had both woken up.
“I also had a message from the guy who runs the spaceport here. I need to move my ship for maintenance, and they need me to pay for next month.” Ahsoka slid her hands over the ceramic in her hands.
“Do you need credits?”
Ahsoka chuckled and shook her head. “No, I don’t. Even if I did, I could use the Force and convince him to let me stay.”
“I know you could, but I also know you would never do that.” Bo-Katan smiled knowingly at her.
Ahsoka laughed and shook her head. “I would never do that.” She returned the smile. “I was kidding.”
“I know.” After a brief moment of hesitation, Bo-Katan leaned her head against Ahsoka’s shoulder. Ahsoka tipped her head to the side, resting atop Bo-Katan’s head.
“I should get going, though.” Ahsoka set her mug down in the sink. “Do you need anything while I’m out today?”
Bo-Katan shook her head in the negative and Ahsoka disappeared into their room to change. She collapsed onto the couch and stared at the closed door. What does Ahsoka want? The answer still evaded her. She stared at the door for a moment longer before getting up to start her routine and avoid her own cavernous thoughts.
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They went about their day as though nothing had changed, although Bo-Katan was acutely aware of all of the little ways thing had changed. She had wanted to curl up behind Ahsoka in their bed since the second she had stepped into the cantina months ago; she couldn’t deny the way it simply felt right to have finally followed through.
She felt the ghost of Ahsoka’s steady pulse and gentle hands against her own, wished for it to return to her, but was deathly afraid of the answer at the same time. They were both clearly ignoring the obvious truth and the avoidance was slowly eating away at her. I need to know. She glanced over at Ahsoka as she spoke to the owner of the spaceport. I need to know if you feel it too.
Perhaps it didn’t matter if Ahsoka remembered what had happened between them when they were younger. Perhaps it had never mattered to begin with. The only thing that mattered was the present, if Ahsoka felt the same pull that she did. If she didn’t, then she was prepared to accept that as well.
She just needed to know.
I just need to know. Bo-Katan carried it in her heart as they got ready for bed the same way they had every night now. They laid down on either side of the bed in the darkness, staring at each other, and hands joined between them.
“Ahsoka.” She said her name suddenly, without thought.
“Are you okay?” Ahsoka propped herself up onto her elbow, concerned.
Do you remember? She looked up at her helplessly, unable to form the words properly. They sat heavy in her throat, slowly constricting, and closing off her airways as she stared at her.
“What do you remember about the Siege?” Bo-Katan set her sights on their hands, still together, and slowly wound their fingers together.
Ahsoka didn’t answer for a heavy beat and Bo-Katan’s heartbeat sped up, frantic in her chest as she waited for some sort of answer.
“I remember.” She squeezed her hand.
Bo-Katan looked back up at her, mouth hanging open in shock. “You didn’t even know what I was going to ask!” She sputtered, half-laughing.
“I do! I know what you were going to ask me.” Ahsoka chuckled to herself and looked down. “You’ve been asking me ‘do you remember’ since the second I stepped into the apartment.”
The lights were off, but Bo-Katan could feel a furious blush racing across her face. How did she know that? Could she hear my thoughts this entire time? “Force tricks?” Her voice came out strained.
“Force tricks.” Ahsoka confirmed. “And I’ve never forgotten.”
They stared at each other from either side of the bed. Bo-Katan was afraid to breathe, afraid to break the spell cast over them. She was distinctly aware of the way their fingers overlapped, their palms pressed together, and the warmth rolling off of her body in the close proximity of their bed.
What do you want? She blinked at her once, twice. “Ahsoka,”
Ahsoka moved faster than she could comprehend, both of her hands coming to either side of her face, and she hesitated for a beat, the tips of their noses brushing against each other. Bo-Katan’s gaze jumped between her wide eyes, her slightly parted lips, and she brought her hands up to either side of Ahsoka’s face and traced the white markings of her cheeks with her thumb.
“What do you want?” Bo-Katan’s eyes half closed as she breathed the question into the space between them. It was the question she had been dying to ask the entire time. What do you want? She tried to search her face for an answer.
They stared at each other for another split second. Bo-Katan angled her head to the side slightly, and finally, finally closed the gap between them, pressing a gentle kiss against her lips. The dam broke and the water rushed around her, finally drowning the same way she had felt when she had seen her again for the first time.
They came apart after a moment and Bo-Katan was unable to stop the way her hands shook violently at either side of her face, her heartbeat loud in her ears at the resolution of months of wondering and staring at her while she slept. She scanned over Ahsoka’s face, watching her reaction carefully, and simply hoping she hadn’t been wrong.
“You weren’t wrong.” Ahsoka murmured, pressed their foreheads together the same way they had last night.
“Okay.” She nodded her head with a slight laugh. “I would have done that a while ago if I had known.”
Bo-Katan leaned in, pressing her face into the crook of Ahsoka’s neck, body wracked with shuddering laughter. The release of the tension between them, the relief was overwhelming. They were wrapped around each other in the center of their bed, a tangle of limbs under the blankets, and in the dark and quiet had finally come to the natural conclusion they had always been heading towards.
“You couldn’t have seriously thought I forgot?” Ahsoka asked, the words vibrating against Bo-Katan’s chest.
“I don’t know.” Her voice was still muffled by the way she was holding onto Ahsoka. “It was a long time ago.”
“How could I forget?” Ahsoka tugged her face out of her shoulders.
“It was so long ago now; I couldn’t be sure—”
She was cut off by Ahsoka bringing their lips crashing together again. She exhaled sharply as she toppled back against the mattress, Ahsoka climbing easily over her, keeping them together. Her hands came to cradle the back of her neck, wandering up until she could finally trace the curve and gentle point of her montrals.
Ahsoka gasped, breaking the kiss, and she smiled up at her widely. “Are you sensitive there?” Bo-Katan asked curiously, drawing her fingers down the blue stripes wound across them.
“Yes.” Her voice was breathy, audibly rasping in her throat.
Ahsoka’s hands slipped under the loose fabric of her sleep shirt, her open palms traveling slowly up across the plane of her stomach. Bo-Katan brought her other hand to her jaw, dragging her down into a searing kiss again, this time pushing her tongue past those lips she had spent so long staring at, and wondering what they would feel like against her own again.
Bo-Katan relished in the warmth, the connection of it all, and the carefully constructed gap between them finally crashing down. She grasped at the fabric of Ahsoka’s shirt on her back and tugged at it weakly, desperate to feel her skin underneath her hands, and against her own. They broke apart for a moment and they both fumbled with her shirt until Ahsoka yanked it up over her head and carelessly tossed it aside.
She locked her thighs around her hips and flipped them with a little effort and pulled her own shirt off in one motion, throwing it aside somewhere with Ahsoka’s shirt. She stared down at Ahsoka, looking up at her with wide eyes, and she was astounded by how good it felt to release the pent-up tension between them.
The feeling burned through her swiftly, buzzed through her blood, and she trailed the tip of her index finger from the base of Ahsoka’s neck and down the center of her chest. There were faint white markings banded around her ribs, pointing inward, and she followed them curiously with her eyes and then bringing her touch along their paths.
Ahsoka’s hands were warm, steady, as she grabbed her biceps to pull her down for another heated kiss. Her hands moved up her arms, traced over her shoulders, and then finally reached her back, her fingers hooking into her skin and anchoring them together.
“Ahsoka,” her heart was beating wildly as she whispered her name in the narrow space between them. “What do you want?” She repeated the same question from earlier, hoping for a proper answer.
One of Ahsoka’s hands came up and rested against the base of her neck. “You.”
Bo-Katan stared down at her for a moment longer. “Then I’m yours.” She leaned back down and closed the space between them.
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They woke up together, again, with Ahsoka curled around her. Bo-Katan blinked into awareness and craned her neck behind her. She was dwarfed by Ahsoka’s frame now, the result of the years passing, and was struck by how safe she felt in the taller woman’s arms. She studied her sleeping face carefully, studied her form, and her eyes landed on a trail of dark bruises leading down the column of her neck and towards her exposed collarbone.
She fell back against the bed, leaning into her arms, her soft skin. A small sliver of sunlight made its way through the window, illuminating their bed, and slowly heating up the small room. There was a lightness in her chest now, the weight of not knowing having finally been lifted.
Ahsoka made a soft noise deep in her throat and she curled tighter around her. She had lost the rest of her clothes in the night and the air of the room was chilly on her bare skin. She pulled Ahsoka’s arm gently to wrap more firmly around her. It was possible that this was the best she had felt in years, secure and warm in bed with the Jedi she had been so relieved to find again.
“’Morning.” Ahsoka nuzzled her hair and she sighed contentedly.
“’Morning.” Bo-Katan reached behind her, and her hand cupped the back of Ahsoka’s neck, silently asking to keep her close.
She never thought she’d crave the warmth of another person in her bed and definitely never thought she’d sleep better with someone by her side. It wasn’t like she had a good track record of people she had shared a bed with in the past, and the difference was distinct and welcome.
“How are you feeling?” Ahsoka pressed a light kiss to the base of her neck, her lips ghosting lower towards her spine.
“Good.” She answered truthfully.
Ahsoka hummed in response but didn’t say anything else. She was content to stay like this for as long as possible before they had to get up and face the day together. Together. Her heart twisted. It was nice to be facing the new day with a partner, and better yet that it was Ahsoka.
“How are you feeling?” Bo-Katan craned her neck again, tried to catch her eyes. “Are you alright?”
Ahsoka smiled widely and nosed along the column of her neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses. She sighed in response and tipped her head to the side, giving her more space. The affection was making her head spin, lightheaded, still overwhelmed with the previous night’s revelation. She brought Ahsoka’s hand up so she could kiss the back of her hand.
“Is that a yes?” She chuckled, still leaning into her embrace.
“Mmhmm.” Ahsoka rested her chin on top of her shoulder. “Just glad to be here.”
“Me too.” She nodded.
Bo-Katan was dimly aware that this would come to an end. They were both wanderers by demand, people who needed a purpose above all else, and eventually purpose would come calling. Duty would crawl up to their doorstep and end what was here, and they would be dragged apart once again.
Today was not that day. Today they were still together in their bed. They probably had tomorrow as well and the day after that, the near future. She knew, one day, duty would knock on their door, a higher power would tear them apart, but for today, for tomorrow, she chose to pull Ahsoka’s arms around her tighter and revel in their truth.