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This was it. This is Ranboo's end. Tonight is the end. It's time. They're scared. They're so fucking scared. The fear and anxiety made them want to vomit but that hurts so bad. It already hurts so bad, the pain was ever lasting. They don't want to make it worse, they want to make it stop (please make it stop, please make it stop. I'm begging you to make it stop. Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseple-). They want all this pain to stop so badly. It never stops, Ranboo's scared and tired. It hurts and they're…just so scared. Every word of their breakdown that they said to Niki was true, it was the truth that settled so deep down to their core. Ranboo doesn't want to die. Ranboo wants to go home.
Niki is here…but that's not enough for them. Call them selfish but they're going to die so it's okay. They won't be able to be selfish anymore after tonight. They want Dad. They want Grandpa. They want Tommy. They want Wilbur. Ranboo wants more. They're selfish but that's okay. They know they saw them all, but they don't want that to be the last time. It felt like too long ago, it was all broken into different days. They want them all together and now. They want another hug from them to let them end this painful battle within warmth, warmth and love. That's all they want.
Ranboo knows they won't get it.
But Niki is here.
It's better than being alone. If they were alone they wouldn't bother staying awake for so long.
They want to hold her hand. They want warmth, they're cold.
"Niki?" Her head whipped around from where she sat on the couch-bench. They're surprised their voice could carry to her. It hurt to talk. Their throat was screaming in a way they physically couldn't.
"Yes, Boo?"
"Will...Will you hold my hand?" Niki didn't hesitate. She moved to Ranboo like holding their hand was the most important thing in the world. They hadn't realized how heavy the pressure was on their eyes until it was released with an onslaught of water and hiccups. It hurt. Niki took their hand and moved her other one to caress their face and swipe at tears. Niki hummed a melody. It was beautiful. Ranboo didn't want her to stop.
That's it. That's the last thing Ranboo wants to hear. They want her melodies. No talking. Soft melody they can fall asleep to.
Was Niki like their sister or a mother? They never met their mother. They've been convinced they never needed to. Even now is it selfish to wonder? They don't need to.
"Niki?" She stopped the melody. No. That's wrong. Please don't stop, they need it. Words burned and tore their throat apart but they've already started. Ranboo can't stop. This is it. These are the last burning words. It'll be okay right? They're still scared. "Can you keep doing that? The hum- humming? Please? I don't want yo- you to stop. I'm…" their voice trailed away as Niki made melodies. "Oh…that's nice…" Ranboo gave the best smile they could and still it was weak. Just keep talking.
Finish this.
(I'm scared)
"I'm sorry Niki. I'm sorry Dad. I'm- I'm...I'm sorry." Niki didn't respond, just kept the melody going. Good. This was good. This is what Ranboo wants. Niki didn't say they shouldn't apologize. She didn't need to. Her melodies stuttered as she started crying, she was trying to push through it, keep the muffled lyricless songs going.
"I love you, Niki." Ranboo kept pushing a smile forward. It made Niki cry harder, "Tell Dad I love him too okay? Tell him I'll miss him braiding my hair and- an- and-" they're choking. No. Finish this.
(If I don't then can I stay?)
Finish this and sleep.
(I'm scared, I don’t want to go)
Finish this and…say goodnight to Niki.
(I don't want to say goodnight)
Would it be too much to ask for a lullaby…?
"I love Tommy too," Ranboo glanced at the flowers that stood in a vase. "I love him so much…Grandpa's amazing and- and- and I love him so much. Wilbur too. I love Wilbur too. He's-he's good company."
"I love you, Ranboo."
"I love you too, Niki." They held their breath. "Niki? Wou- would- can…can you sing me a lullaby? I'm sorry-"
"-I'll sing you a lullaby."
"Thank you."
"Always and forever," their smile turned bitter at that but it melted fast as Niki started singing.
"Goodnight, my angel, time to close your eyes,
And save these questions for another day.
I think I know what you've been asking me,
I think you know what I've been trying to say.
I promised I would never leave you,
Then you should always know,
Wherever you may go, no matter where you are,
I never will be far away.
Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to sleep,
And still so many things I want to say…-"
Ranboo interrupted her.
"-...Goodnight, Niki."
(I didn't want to say it)
Niki paused. She hadn't even gotten halfway through the lullaby for them. She never stopped crying. She's sure she sounded awful but with the way Ranboo smiled like it was the best song they'd ever heard. They'd stopped crying during the song.
"...Goodnight Boo."
(I wish you didnt have to say it)
Ranboo was never not afraid to fall asleep. They're terrified to fall asleep.
(It reminded them of when they were 7 and scared of the monster in the closet and wouldn't go to bed until Dad, Grandpa, and Wilbur checked it—why were they remembering this now?)
Were they ready? No.
But they're tired.
Ranboo wished they could've said goodnight to Dad.