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“ Eyes closed. ”
“For the third time, Obanai, they are.”
He knows they are. He knows you wouldn’t peek without him knowing, knows you respect his boundaries more than any other person would – which is why you’re here, sitting in front of him on his bedroom floor, both of you in your casual clothing instead of the Corps uniform. It’s nothing new, hanging out at his house like this; it’s hard to manage the time for proper dates, so you’ve been paying him visits almost every day (uninvited, at the start. “...An unmarried woman shouldn’t be alone with a man like this,” but you knew he couldn’t say no to you even if he tried), and, before Obanai could notice, he caught himself brewing tea the way you liked and tidying up the house for your arrival.
It is nothing new. Not after years of working side by side and months of – somewhat – dating. It shouldn’t feel so nerve-wracking, the air shouldn’t be so thick.
So why can’t he bring himself to do it?
“Listen, you…” The soft tone of your voice snaps him out of it. Your eyes are shut tight, like you’re just as anxious as him. “You don’t have to do this. If you don’t want to.”
He releases the grip on his fists he didn’t notice he was holding. “...No. It’s something I have to do.” You deserve the truth, he thinks, way more than I deserve you.
Kaburamaru, who was resting peacefully on Obanai’s shoulders, raised its head at sensing his owner’s uneasy state. Obanai gently moved his friend off him, letting it slide off his right arm and onto the wooden floor. It stared curiously at him before trailing towards you and climbing in your lap – you visibly flinched, startled by the unexpected weight in your leg, but immediately relaxing at the familiar drag of Kamuramaru’s scales. Obanai focused on the two of you for a moment, letting himself feel like he could get used to the sight.
Shaking his head, Obanai slowly brought his hands under his hair to start undoing the bandages. It was automatic, something he did every night to change them, but right now, with shaky fingers and sweaty palms, it was almost impossible. The voices in his head screamed, ached for him to stop; every fiber of his being begged for him to not let himself be so vulnerable, so exposed– so close to someone, not anyone , but you–
Once the bandages are finally off, Obanai tries to focus on the air touching his skin, on unclenching his jaw. Your eyes are still patiently shut, petting Kaburamaru who’s comfortably curled in your lap. His chest tightens.
Someone like you can’t keep someone like her– She’ll be disgusted. She’ll run away as soon as she knows the truth to go marry a decent man. Someone who can give her an honest, normal life.
A big part of him expects, prays that’s exactly what’ll happen, because it’s how it should be – and he despises that a small part of him hopes that it could be different.
“You can open them, now.”
He doesn’t look you in the eye. He can’t.
The silence that comes after seems so excruciatingly long he wonders if his voice was so quiet that you didn’t hear it. When he looks up, your expression isn’t one of disdain like he pictured– your brows are raised, your eyes boring into him. His mouth opens to say something, long forgotten when you scoot closer to him, knees touching. He fights the urge to step back, instead just swallowing dryly at the short distance between the two of you.
You notice his eyes growing wider by the second your hand raises slowly towards his face. You pause mid-air as to ask for permission, and when his gaze shifts from your hand to your face, unable to make a sound, you cup his cheek gently. He flinches under your touch, the soft pad of your thumb grazing the outline of his scars making his lower lip tremble.
They’re old scars, you can tell, but it sends a chill down your spine of just how painful it looks. It stretches all the way to the corners of his ears, with no signs of stitches – it feels like an anvil was dropped in your chest when you think about what has he possibly gone through.
“ Ah, ” you start, smiling softly, “who would’ve thought. You’re just as handsome as I imagined.”
Obanai lets out a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding, but doesn’t say anything. You take this as a sign you’ve stepped too far, immediately retreating your hand. “S-sorry,” you whisper, before he catches your wrist in a reflex.
“ No, no. D-don’t be. I… You–” You take note of how his voice sounds richer, less muffled from the bandages. “It’s just… You’re not..?” Repulsed? Scared?
And, as if you can read his thoughts, you shake your head. No, not in the slightest.
You’re giving him that look again, the one filled with so much fondness and care it makes him crumble inside. It’s overwhelming, and he shouldn’t, you shouldn’t make him feel so welcomed, so accepted. He wants to beg you to stop, to not waste your time on worthless scum like him– but a stupid and selfish part of him doesn’t want to let you go.
He doesn’t notice the tears welling up in his eyes. “Obanai..? Oba? What’s wrong?” You brush a strand of inky black hair out of his face, voice pitched with concern. His teeth clench as he tries to hold back his tears, refusing to look even more pathetic in front of you – he ducks his head down, shoulders trembling slightly. Your arms snake around them instinctively, bringing him closer, stroking the back of his head.
“ I’ll protect you, ” you hear him mumbling into your shoulder. “I swear, no demon, or anything else will ever lay a finger on you. I won’t allow it. I’ll grow stronger every day, so I can be deserving of being by your side.” His voice was firmer, although still watery and distant.
You let out a chortle. “I’d still love you anyways, you dummy.” Obanai’s body tenses at the word love , and you guide him to lift his head and look at you properly, this time cupping the sides of his face with both hands. “I’ll protect you too. Whatever happened in the past, I won’t let it happen again. I got you now, ‘kay? Both of you.” You smile at Kaburamaru, whose face was poking out behind Obanai’s shoulder after climbing his torso. You thumb at the corner of his eye, wiping away a tear, and he leans into the palm of your hand.
Both of you stay still like this for a while, as you watch Obanai's breath even out. His raven locks sit messily on his face, cheeks slightly squished against your palms, eyes closed delicately. At times like this, you wished you could protect him in this state – so pretty, so at ease and soft, in contrast to the Snake Pillar he had to be to the outside world. His lashes flutter open, revealing his turquoise and golden irises hardened as he focuses on you.
“...(Y/N), I’m serious, though. I’ll do everything necessary so you can be safe and happy.” His gaze pierces into yours, filled with so much determination you felt your face get warmer.
“Oba, come on, you don’t–”
“We can go to the town so I can buy you new clothes. Stuff there is really high quality– there’s also that dango place you like, right?” His fingers play with the hem of your kimono as he goes on. “Actually, no, scratch that. I’ll learn how to cook dango better than any measly little store, then you’ll have them any time you–”
“ Obanai! ” You laugh, smacking his arm playfully. You catch a glimpse of his lips turning upward slightly and his eyes squinting adorably, Kaburamaru flicking its tongue at both of you. “You already make me feel safe and happy. You’d make me happier if you’d let me have such a handsome young man like you as my husband.”
You smile fondly at him and, then, presses a chaste kiss on his cheek.
Obanai’s eyes widen, Kaburamaru’s eyes widen, and before you know you’re aiding a collapsed, red faced, overheating Obanai while saying “ Ahh- kidding! I was kidding!”.