Chapter Text
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past
Loki made his choice a lot sooner than most people would ever realise he did.
As soon as he saw the Sanctuary II , he knew he had a choice to make. A choice that would decide exactly how the rest of his life went, and how much time that was.
Most cowardly of his options was the Tesseract. He had it with him, even if no one else knew. He'd known it would not be destroyed on Asgard, no matter how severe the destruction caused by Hela and Surtur was. The only reasonable option had been to take it with him.
Thor would see it as a betrayal, and Loki would accept that.
The Tesseract contained the Space Stone. Loki had known that since New York, it was part of what the Mind Stone had told him. His memory of what happened in New York was clear, the only thing he hesitated on was what had truly been his idea, and what had been the sceptre.
He'd been angry and hurt. He knew that. Before he was found falling through Yggdrasil, those feelings had been all that mattered. The anger and hurt over being betrayed the way he felt he had been by Odin. Being told something was the truth his whole entire life only for it to be a lie.
Realising that he, the God of Lies, had never realised his entire life was a lie.
Laufey's son.
It didn't matter how much time passed, he heard those words in his mind as though Odin had just spoken them. And again, when Thor had forced his return to Asgard, when Odin had stripped Loki of his name.
You are no longer my son. No son of mine would take the actions you have taken against a realm which offered no provocation. Loki Laufeyson, I sentence you to the dungeons. There you shall remain until your breath fades and Helheim lays claim to your soul.
Loki had listened to Odin. He had not referred to himself as Odinson since that day. He had not even claimed to be of Asgard. When he deemed necessary, he told the truth.
He was Loki Laufeyson, the would-be rightful king of Jotunheim, if he hadn't murdered the previous king. Murdering Laufey put his claim to the throne somewhere in a grey area. Even now, he didn't think he would ever be fully comfortable saying he was Loki Odinson again.
Odin hadn't shown remorse for anything he had said or done the last time that Loki had seen him, but then again, neither had Loki. Loki didn't know if that meant neither of them regretted their words or actions, or if it just further went to show that their whole damned family was broken and never felt bad for any of the wrong they did to one another. Odin threw his daughter in an inescapable prison for behaving the way he raised her, or cast his son out for behaving how he was raised. He disowned Loki and sentenced him to a lifetime in the dungeons only after Frigga pleaded with him to spare their youngest son from the axe, Loki faked his death to return to Asgard, strip Odin of his memories and powers and cast him down into a retirement home on Midgard. Thor and Loki both threatened to and tried to kill each other many times. With the Destroyer, on Stark Tower, although Loki knew his brother had held back that day, hoping that he could reason with Loki.
Loki wished he'd been successful. He knew he regretted that Thor never could have talked sense into him that day.
But out loud, no one ever apologised, expressed remorse or regret. No one ever seemed to feel bad at all.
And the Black Order had preyed on that fact. Preyed on the fact that the entire family was a self-destructive cycle with no hope of ever truly repairing itself. That whether or not Loki ever escaped the Black Order, his family would never care. They had told him that he was dead to his mother, brother and father before he had ever let go of Gungnir. When he sent the Destroyer to Earth, and he attempted to destroy Jotunheim, he had lost his family forever.
And Loki had believed them with very little resistance. He'd been so convinced that Odin had never loved him in the first place that it was easy to believe that his family had never cared, not even his mother.
The physical abuse he'd suffered at the hands of the Black Order was nothing compared to the crushing weight of being completely alone in the universe. Of believing that no matter what became of him, no one would ever care.
From there, from the lowest depths he had ever been dragged to, it was easy for them to push him towards anger. By the time they had placed the sceptre in his hand and sent him to Earth, under the threat of death if he failed, Loki didn't know what anger had truly been his own, and what had been the Stone, playing with his mind.
He was standing at the large observation window of the Statesman when he made his first choice. His brother stood at his side, as though ironically, now that Thor was officially the king of the Asgardian people, he and Loki were finally equals. Perhaps in Thor's mind, they finally were.
"Do you really think it’s a good idea to go back to Earth?" Loki asked, looking over to his brother.
"Sure! They love me there," Thor replied, and Loki fought the urge to smack him.
"Let me rephrase: Do you really think it’s a good idea to bring me back to Earth?"
Thor smiled as he realised what Loki meant. The last time Loki had been to Earth, he had tried to destroy a major city. He had also sent the Destroyer to do the same thing in a smaller city years prior. Thor didn't know the orders he had given the Destroyer, so he didn't know that the destruction of the surrounding area had been included.
Thor patted his shoulder. "Probably not. But don’t worry, brother...I’ve got a feeling that everything’s going to work out."
And that was when everything went wrong.
Thor didn't know what the ship was, but Loki did. As it approached the Statesman , dwarfing the Asgardian vessel by comparison, Loki knew exactly what ship that was, and he made his first choice then and there by not pulling out the Tesseract and sending himself anywhere else in the entire universe but where he was standing, watching the Sanctuary II approach. He liked to think he might have even grabbed Thor's arm and saved him, too.
But even though he knew what was coming, who was aboard the ship and what it meant for him, he didn't flee. He knew that Thor would never agree to leave their people and run, and he knew that even if he could abandon the other Asgardians, he couldn't abandon Thor. That was why he had led the Statesman to Asgard in the first place. This time was different, and he couldn't abandon his brother.
"Loki? What do you think-"
Thor cut himself off when he saw Loki's face. The God of Mischief tried to compose himself, tearing his gaze away from the Sanctuary II , praying the blood would return to his face before Thor really thought something was wrong. "Is something wrong, brother?"
Loki took several deep breaths before answering. "Send out an SOS, Thor, and prepare our people for war."
"You know that ship," Thor said accusingly, "who is it? Who has you this frightened, I've never seen you so afraid!"
"There's no time," Loki whispered, "send out an SOS, put as many of the women, children and elderly on the escape shuttle as you can and send it ahead of us to Earth. Then hope we make it there to join them."
"Loki, Asgard's warriors were slain by Hela. There is only myself, Valkyrie, Heimdall and you left. Our people who survived are not warriors."
"Thor, if you cannot prepare them for battle, then you had best think of how you prepare them for slaughter."
"Tell me what you know!" Thor insisted, but Loki turned away, deciding that if Thor would not listen, he as the Prince of Asgard may be able to convince the people to follow his instructions anyways. He walked as quickly as he could to the deck of the ship, where the refugees of his planet were still gathered.
He could have offered to pilot the emergency escape shuttle. That was another choice he would make. He could have piloted it himself, or he could have snuck on board. He may have been a warrior, and would not be welcome to flee, but he didn't have to look like himself.
He did neither of those things. Instead, he found Valkyrie.
"How many people will fit aboard the escape shuttle?" He asked, and she looked at him in confusion.
"Less than half of what we have here," Valkyrie said.
"And if you set out without provisions and find them along the way?"
She considered that. "With only the fuel we need to fly, I could probably fit half of the people here. Why does it matter?"
"Our people are about to be slaughtered. Go and unload the shuttle, keep only what you need to survive. I will send people to you. When you have filled the shuttle, depart. Do not wait for anyone."
"I told you and your idiot brother the king, I intend to die drinking and fighting. You have dragged me back into Asgard's battles, I won't choose to run from them instead of dying in them."
"I'm not asking you to do this because I want to spare you the fighting. You're the best pilot on board, and someone must go with our people and protect them. You will have our just vulnerable, they need a warrior who can defend them. I'm also sending Korg with you," Loki said.
Valkyrie looked at him suspiciously. "You brought the Statesman through the Devil's Anus. You're clearly a capable pilot as well. You're also a warrior and a sorcerer. Why don't you take them?"
"When the one who is going to slaughter us all finds me, I'm going to die. Whether I make him chase me to Earth or not is just extra. I might as well die here, fighting alongside my brother," Loki said, "we don't have much time. Will you just go?"
"Fine. Send our people to me," Valkyrie agreed, and she walked away.
He was glad Valkyrie didn't really care if he lived or died. Thor would have argued about how the fact that the Mad Titan would kill him when he found him meant he had to escape and try to live.
Loki made many small choices that all boiled down to one large decision.
He didn't want to spend his final days running. He would rather die fighting beside his brother and his people than run.
With Valkyrie gone, Loki set his mind to the grim task before him.
He couldn't announce what he knew was coming. In a way, that meant it was a good thing Thor had not sounded the alarm yet. The Asgardians who remained after the destruction of their home were not cowards, but they were not warriors, either. They would not necessarily choose to die.
He had to alert the most vulnerable, send them to Valkyrie, without telling any of the others.
Which meant he had to choose which half of his people would live.
He started with mothers and children. He considered the elderly, but they would understand if they were not chosen. The future lay with the children of Asgard.
He found Grace first, Heimdall's wife, and their son, Astrid Heimdallson. "Go to the escape shuttle," he said softly to the woman holding her young son in her arms. "Tell no one where you are going. I… I cannot send Heimdall with you."
He knew that was true. Like himself, Thor and the Hulk, Heimdall would need to stay. He was a warrior, one who could not turn tail and run.
"What is happening, Loki?" She asked.
Grace was suspicious of him, and Loki didn't blame her, really. He'd declared Heimdall a traitor at the start of his reign as Odin, and left the gatekeeper of Asgard on the run for two years.
During those two years, Grace had not known it was he, and not the king, but everyone did now. He didn't expect her to like him after that. "We are approached by a hostile ship. I'm sending every mother and child to the escape shuttle first. Take Astrid and go."
Heimdall was all-seeing, so it didn't surprise Loki when the gatekeeper walked up behind him. "The prince is right, my love. I must stay here and protect our people, but you and Astrid must go with Valkyrie. Norns willing, I will see you again soon."
It occured to Loki that although it was mostly the Vanir women who read the threads of fate, Heimdall was Vanir as well, and it wasn't impossible that he knew his fate already.
Did he know whether or not he would ever see Grace and Astrid again?
Loki found Hildegund next, Volstagg's widow, and their two children, who's names he was ashamed to admit he couldn't remember.
He had only heard in whispers that each of the Warriors Three had been slaughtered by Hela. Only Sif had survived, because she was not on Asgard.
"Lady Hildegund," Loki began, "I offer you my sincerest condolences. Volstagg and I may never have truly seen eye to eye, but he was a good man."
"Are you Thor's brother?" The youngest, a little girl with long blonde hair, asked.
"I am," Loki agreed, "you need to go with your mother-"
"Father said Thor's brother is a slimy wease-"
"Rolfe!" Hildegund said sharply, "your father said a lot of things, but this is the Prince of Asgard you speak of!"
"It's fine," Loki said. He had always known what Thor's friends said about him behind his back, and as much as it angered him to know he'd been being insulted like that all his life, by those he'd at one point been foolish enough to believe we're his friends, he couldn't fault a child for repeating what he heard his father said. Loki had often parroted Odin before he was old enough to understand what he was saying.
Not to mention, Loki could admit he'd behaved in a manner befitting those insults without saying he truly regretted his actions. "Rolfe, your father and I never truly got along, but he was a good and strong warrior who died keeping Asgard safe. It would be traditional for myself or King Thor to present you with his weapon now that he has gone on to Valhalla, however, I know not what became of his axe after he died."
"Is there a reason you are here, Prince Loki? Rolfe, Hilde and I are grieving the loss of their father and would prefer not be disturbed."
"Lady Hildegund, would that I could, I would leave you in peace. However, the ship is about to come under attack. You must take your children and go to the escape shuttle, Valkyrie is waiting to depart with as many of our people as will fit on the ship," Loki said, "tell no one as you go, it will only cause panic."
"I want to stay and fight, like my father!" Rolfe said stubbornly. Loki gazed down at him.
He was blond like his sister, far too young to face battle. Loki flicked his wrist, and one of his knives, an old one he had used when he was younger, appeared in his hand. He took it by the blade and held it out to Rolfe.
"I cannot give you your father's weapon, but you can have one which belonged to me when I was your age. I am sending you on the shuttle to protect our women and children, okay, Rolfe? I can't send them alone, they must have a bold and strong warrior to defend them. Will you do that?"
Rolfe sceptically took the hilt of the knife. "Father also said that knives were a woman's weapon."
"It was, at one point, a woman's weapon," Loki agreed, "it belonged to my mother, the late Queen Frigga of Asgard, before she gave it to me. I have one for each of you. You must both use them only to defend our people, okay?"
He handed the second dagger of the set to Hilde. She took it also, admiring the blade. "It really belonged to the queen?"
Loki nodded. "Queen Frigga used them when she was about the same age as you and your brother, and then she gave them to me to use when I was your age. Now, I will pass them to you. It's not your father's weapon, but it's something."
"And we're really going so we can defend the others?" Rolfe asked.
"Absolutely," Loki agreed, "now, off you go."
The children didn't argue this time as their mother ushered them away.
"How can I help?"
"Sound the alarm, like I told you to," Loki said, without turning around to see who had grabbed his arm. "I know you've been searching for a way out of this, but there isn't one. I've made things easier for you, I've not left you to choose which of our people live or die."
The others hadn't seen it, but Loki had been watching for it. He'd seen the shuttle depart from the Statesman , flying as fast and as far away as it could. He'd stopped finding people to send to Valkyrie the moment he had spotted it rushing away.
Everyone who was left aboard the Statesman was as good as dead, foremost being himself. Thanos and his Black Order had not been unclear about what would happen to Loki if he failed them in New York.
"You've sent Valkyrie away already?"
Loki nodded. "All we can do now is stand and fight."
"Will you now tell me who this is and why you know so much about them?" Thor asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"This is Thanos, and he comes to bring only death and destruction. That is all I will tell you," Loki said, knowing the vague answer would infuriate his brother, but not seeing another option.
Was he supposed to now admit that at least a part of what had happened in New York hadn't been his idea? Now that it didn't matter? Right before he died, he was supposed to admit that his most heinous act, the one that might allow Thor to sleep at night after watching him be killed, hadn't been his own?
Once he was dead, Thor would grow resentful again. He would remember his fury over the Destroyer and Jotunheim, over New York and the Chitauri, over Svartalfheim and Odin's death, and he would accept Loki's death with little grieving. He would decide Loki wasn't worth mourning, and that would make everything easier.
That was what Thor needed to do. So Loki did not add anything else that he knew about Thanos.
"And what do we tell those who remain aboard the Statesman ?" Thor asked, "you have chosen who lives and who dies, decided who is worthy of saving? You now sentence all those who remain to die?"
"It was not a choice I made lightly, brother," Loki said, "but I did not wish to leave it to you. You would have felt responsible for everyone left behind."
"And you will not?"
The honest answer was that he would, but he would have very minimal time to feel that way. Despite everything, Loki was hoping his brother may live.
He did not truly dare to have the same hope for himself.
The Hulk had stayed with them. Maybe the green beast would be enough to stop Thanos and the Black Order. If he wasn't, Loki was doomed. He might even be doomed if the Hulk was enough, depending on how quickly Thanos and his children realised he was on board the Statesman .
Loki didn't give an honest answer. "I have always had more of a stomach for what must be done," he said, "I knew you would be able to make the choices, but it would hurt you. For those who remain, we prepare them to fight for a glorious death. Victory or Valhalla."
"And you believe it will be Valhalla," Thor said.
Loki nodded.
"Do you intend for us to survive, brother?" Thor asked.
Loki couldn't answer at first.
He intended for Thor to survive. He didn't believe he would. "Even if I said no, would you have agreed to run? To join Valkyrie and the people I chose to say?"
"Victory or Valhalla," Thor said grimly, "warriors do not run away."
"Then it's glorious victory or glorious death," Loki said, setting his jaw. "You're the king, you should give them a speech."
"And my brother, Silvertongue, doesn't think he should?"
Loki forced a grim smile. "They wouldn't listen to me. I'm the king's traitor brother."
Thor placed a hand on his shoulder. "The past is forgotten, Loki. You're no traitor, you came back and saved us."
"Tell them that."
"If we live, I will."
Loki followed his brother back up to the captain's chair, a silent shadow, like he had always been. Thor stood before the frightened citizens of Asgard.
"Where has everyone gone?" A voice called.
"I heard the prince was telling people to escape!" Called another.
"Ha! If the traitor prince was telling people to escape, he already has."
Loki cleared his throat. "I was," he agreed, "and I have stayed."
He was used to not being seen, even standing in front of his people.
"People of Asgard," Thor began, gazing out over the crowd, "Prince Loki has sent our women and children with Valkyrie. We are being approached by a hostile ship, and survival is unlikely."
"And the prince chose to leave us here to die!"
"Not everyone could be saved. I have sent the most precious members of our population, our children and futures, to Earth ahead of us. If we survive, we will join them there," Loki said.
"I know that very few of you are warriors," Thor said, "our warriors were slain by Hela before we left Asgard. But you are all we have left, and our only hope to survive. Loki, Heimdall, Hulk and myself have stayed to fight, and you must take up arms and join us. Victory or Valhalla!"
A few people gave half-hearted cheers. Most were silent, afraid.
"Asgard," Heimdall said, walking up to the podium with his enormous sword slung over his shoulder. "The king and prince made the decisions they felt were best for the continued survival of not just us, but our people as a whole. The Allfather calls upon you to fight, and we Asgardians have always been a race of fighters. Do not lose hope now."
"Victory or Valhalla," Loki repeated, stepping up to stand fully beside his brother, not in his shadow.
"Victory or Valhalla!" Heimdall agreed.
"Victory or Valhalla!" Thor shouted, and the Hulk roared along with him, and finally the people shouted it back.
"Victory or Valhalla!"
It was a chaotic flurry from that moment. The Asgardians scrambled for makeshift weapons and armour. Loki, who usually carried about six different sets of knives within a pocket dimension, emptied all but one pair and added them to the stockpile of weapons. He would need them no longer, leaving them in that dimension would simply leave them lost forever.
By the time the first blast struck the Statesman, the most weary, underprepared army Loki had ever seen stood wielding what weapons they could find. Loki was walking back towards his brother when the ship was hit, rocking heavily in space and sending everyone tumbling. Loki hit the ground and dug a knife into it, holding himself in place until the shaking ceased. He ran up to his brother.
"It's been a privilege to fight at your side," he said, looking over at his brother.
"Don't give up before the battle begins," Thor said, "we may be saying victory or Valhalla, but victory is what we're aiming for."
"Obviously. I just- in all the times I've supposedly died before, I've never said-"
"Brother, this sentimentality suits you ill. We will survive and you will annoy me for many centuries to come. Understood?"
Loki was about to respond when something interrupted him. This is the Asgardian refugee vessel Statesman ! We are under assault, I repeat, we are under assault. We are 22 jump points out of Asgard. Our crew is made up of Asgardian families, we have very few soldiers here! This is not a war craft, I repeat, this is not a war craft!
“It was harder to get set up than I thought it would be, so I left someone else in charge of it. As long as they live, they will continue to update our distress signal. Do you think someone will hear it?”
Heimdall sighed. “We’re twenty-two jump points outside of Asgard,” he repeated, “no one would come through here intentionally. If Thanos keeps shooting at us, he will bring down our engines and our life support. After that, it will be a matter of time before our ship is depressurised and we are unable to breathe. If he’s smart, that’s how he’ll take us out. He won’t even have to set foot upon our ship.”
But he won’t. Loki knew that. He had the Tesseract, and Thanos wouldn’t be content just to let him suffocate on a depressurised ship. He would want to kill Loki personally after what happened in New York. He would come aboard.
But perhaps he would wait. Wait until there was so little air to breathe on board the Statesman that the people could not fight, and then he would board the ship, find Loki, claim the Tesseract and kill the traitor god.
He and Thor could only watch as another blast struck the Statesman, and a frantic beeping went up across the ship.
“We’ve lost our primary engine,” Heimdall warned, “he doesn’t want us to be able to flee.”
“Come and fight, you coward!” Thor roared, and Loki wished he wouldn’t. It wouldn’t make a lick of difference if Thanos came to fight, or if he allowed the blasts his ship was firing to take out the Asgardians.
Loki actually hoped he would do the latter. Maybe, just maybe, it would mean he died during this part of the attack, and Thanos could not kill him in whatever horrible, sadistic way he had planned, and the Mad Titan may never manage to get the Tesseract. Within Loki’s pocket dimension, it would be extraordinarily difficult for anyone to get it without him giving it to them.
Maybe he could at least die quickly, without too much pain, and foil Thanos’ plan. It would be worth risking that dying without direct combat, but rather shot down by the Sanctuary II , would leave him in Helheim instead of Valhalla.
What did that matter? Eternity in a frozen wasteland was his birthright, anyways. Born on Jotunheim, the land of snow and frost, abandoned to die in a temple during the war. It was not murder to leave a child as young as he had been to die, and there could be no glorious death for an infant. He would have spent time evermore in the land without fire, anyways.
Even if Laufey had wanted him, he would have lived in the frozen landscape of Jotunheim. Helheim was similar enough to all he had been destined for from the start.
He had to concede that Odin had given him more life and purpose than he had ever had the right to claim, even if it had all culminated in this.
And truth be told, he didn't know if Thanos would kill him right away.
You will have your war, Asgardian. If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he can not find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.
He had failed. The Tesseract was not brought to Thanos, and he had lost the Mind Stone, too.
He could feel from the pounding of his pulse in his throat and the way his lungs seemed to struggle for air that he could no longer pretend, not even to himself, that he wasn't afraid. He'd believed he'd faced death before, and he had survived it, but this was different. Thanos would not give him such a chance, and if he did, Loki would wish he hadn't. He would beg and plead and pray for a quick death, if that wasn't what Thanos had in mind.
He closed his eyes, trying to deny that he flinched, when the next blast struck the ship. This one knocked him off his feet, sending him tumbling back as debris flew around him. A large, gaping hole was blown into the side of the Statesman.
Loki could see figures approaching the breach in their ship. Some figures he knew, some he didn't. Proxima Midnight, Ebony Maw and others. More that he had never met. The Other would be there, too, the one who frightened Loki the most.
There was only one choice now. Thanos would know that if the Tesseract was on board the Statesman , Loki was the one who would have it.
He had to find somewhere to hide, to hole up, and defend himself there. He could not allow the Children of Thanos to haul him before the Mad Titan. Thanos would be forced to continue the fight until he found Loki, and maybe if enough time wore on, Thor and Loki could get the upper hand.
If Thor lived that long. It was a small hope, but it was all he had. It was either that or he could lay down and die. Loki had never liked to quit. It was a habit that tended to get him in trouble, he prayed today it would pay off.
"Allfathers, protect us," he whispered.
Quieter, he begged Odin to watch over his sons. "Please, if you ever cared about me as you said you did, protect-"
He didn't think a dead man's protection could save him. "Protect my brother. Let him live through this."
He climbed back to his feet, casting a spell over himself to shield himself from view. He slipped back into the fold of Asgardians, hoping his spell would hold up.
After the fight with Hela, he was exhausted already, and it was possible his magic faltered. He'd gotten a few days rest, but he was still worn out and at the edge of his limits. He hadn't truly taken a break, not with ensuring the ship was in working order and helping his brother when they weren't bickering and wishing they weren't.
He wished he knew how to get along with Thor. He had gone back to Asgard because he truly did want a chance to be a good brother, to love his brother and finally be what he should have been all along, but within twelve hours after the fight with Hela, they had been at each other's throats during every other interaction they had. Something would remind Thor of the fact he blamed Loki for Odin's death, or Thor would say something thoughtless and stupid, and Loki wouldn't be able to abide by it, and they would nearly come to blows before Valkyrie or Heimdall stepped in between.
And that was how Thor would remember his last two days with his brother.
Proxima Midnight and Corvus Glaive were the first to reach the crowd of Asgardians, followed by a small force of Chitauri. Loki remembered them well.
Ebony Maw and The Other were the two who had most often visited him. Maw could torment without leaving a mark, and he seemed to revel in it, and The Other had seemed to take an interest in Loki. That said, each of the Black Order had taken a turn.
They had barely let him sleep, rotating in and out to ensure that there was always someone with him. When he was alone, he was chained in the dark, unable to see when a threat approached, unable to close his eyes for fear of one of them sneaking up on him.
It had been agony and anguish, mentally and physically, for ages. To this day, Loki didn't know how long he had been there. He knew there was around a year between when he had fallen and when he had invaded Earth, and that was the closest estimate he had.
His hands shook a little at the thought of facing his tormenters again, but he had no choice.
A Chitauri warrior swung his weapon at a defenceless, elderly Asgardian woman, and Loki threw a dagger, sinking it deep into the creature's skull. It screeched, and Loki ran up to it, jerking his knife out of the corpse, unable to risk summoning it back with magic. He sunk the blade into the stomach of another warrior as it swung at another of his people, tearing it downwards before pulling it out. The Chitauri swung at him as it died. Its blade struck his cheek, and the cut burned, but he ignored it.
He looked around the battlefield. So long as he was hidden from sight, he could help his people by stepping in when they needed him to.
The next one he spotted to need help was Heimdall. He was evenly matched battling Proxima Midnight, but Loki saw Corvus Glaive sneaking up behind the gatekeeper, and he ran to intercept.
He threw himself between the two of them, clashing both daggers into the glaive swung at Heimdall, pushing it away, and at the same time, Loki felt the glamour hiding himself from view fail. Corvus Glaive's eyes went wide when he saw Loki.
"So there you are, Asgardian," he hissed, jabbing his glaive towards Loki's chest.
Loki didn't move. He would welcome Glaive to kill him, but Proxima swiped the blow away before it landed. She swung her staff into Heimdall's side and he went down, hard, and then she held the blade at Loki's head level.
"Father wants this one alive," she said, and Loki felt his breathing catch and stutter in his chest.
"I don't-"
"You have what we came for," Proxima hissed, "and Father never forgets a promise. Walk."
Corvus Glaive pushed Loki's shoulder, sending him stumbling forward.
Even if he thought fighting would help, Loki couldn't breathe well enough to try. He had never been the sort to give into fear, to admit he was scared, but the Black Order had done all they could to make themselves the exception. He had been their prisoner before. He knew too well how hopeless it was to do anything but give into the fear that was sinking icy claws into his chest.
He stepped forward, letting the crowd of Asgardians and Chitauri part around himself and the two members of the Black Order who held him prisoner.
He had given up entirely until he saw his brother.
He was fighting another member of the Order Loki knew too well, Cull Obsidian.
Cull Obsidian was the only member of the Order besides Thanos that rivalled the Hulk in size. Loki watched in horror as the massive creature swung at his brother, sending him flying.
"Thor!"
Loki darted forward, slipping out from between Proxima and Corvus for a second, flicking his hand out and hitting Cull Obsidian with an admittedly weak blast of magic, just enough to knock him off-balance and stop him from striking Thor again.
Proxima Midnight grabbed a handful of Loki's hair and yanked him backwards, slamming his head into a fallen metal support. His ears rang and his head spun, and when she released him, he struggled to stay on his feet.
Thor didn't stand up, but Cull Obsidian backed off, and Loki realised why as Proxima and Corvus levelled their weapons again, keeping him trapped between them.
As he watched the two figures approach, Loki heard the distress call that would never be answered in time sound again.
This is the Asgardian refugee vessel Statesman! We are under assault, I repeat, we are under assault – The engines are dead, life support failing! Requesting aid from any vessel within range. We are 22 jump points out of Asgard. Our crew is made up of Asgardian families, we have very few soldiers here! This is not a war craft, I repeat, this is not a war craft!
Ebony Maw stepped onto the ship first. He eyed Loki with contempt, and then ignored him, focusing instead on the Asgardians who had, one by one, been fallen by the Chitauri and the Black Order.
"Hear me, and rejoice," he said, stepping over the bodies of Loki's fallen people. "You have had the privilege of being saved by the Great Titan. You may think this is suffering. No…It is salvation. Universal scales tip toward balance because of your sacrifice. Smile…For even in death, you have become Children of Thanos."
An Aesir woman stirred as Ebony Maw walked past her. Without a word, he motioned to a Chitauri, and the woman was stabbed through. She stopped moving.
Loki stopped breathing entirely when he saw Thanos step aboard the Statesman. He considered the prisoner god of mischief, and then looked at Thor. "Your brother, I presume," he said, "Thor. The mighty god of thunder."
Against his better judgement, Loki nodded.
"It has been a very long time, Loki of Asgard."
Loki still didn't say anything. He was fighting to breathe, his heart hammering in his chest.
Thanos wasn't deterred by Loki's silence. "I know what it’s like to lose," he said, walking over to stand beside Thor. Loki willed his brother to stand, but Thor remained on the ground. "To feel so desperately that you’re right… yet to fail, nonetheless."
He reached down and grabbed Thor by the collar, hauling him up off the ground. He gripped his massive hand around Thor's head. "It’s frightening. Turns the legs to jelly. I ask you, to what end? Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same. And now, it’s here. Or should I say…I am."
Thanos had the Power Stone. Loki could see it glowing purple in the massive uru gauntlet he wore, and even more of the tiny amount of hope he still had sunk from his chest.
Thor opened his mouth, dripping blood and saliva onto the ground. "You talk too much."
Thanos ignored him. "The Tesseract, or your brother’s head. I assume you have a preference."
Thor was stronger than he was. Perhaps Thor could withstand whatever Thanos would do. Perhaps he didn't have to give in. He considered his brother, helpless and defeated, and set his mouth in a hard line. "Oh, I do. Kill away!"
The moment Thanos set the gauntlet against Thor's temple and he heard his brother's agonised scream, Loki knew he would break. He forced himself to continue to watch, as the Power Stone glowed brighter and brighter and his brother howled and screamed, and Loki felt tears burn his eyes.
He knew pain. He knew torture, he knew torment, and he had believed, foolishly, that he was the one who would know it again. Not Thor. He hadn't realised that Thanos would use his brother against him.
Loki cringed and turned away, blinking tears from his eyes. "ALRIGHT, STOP!" He shouted, and nearly sobbed with relief when the screaming stopped. Thanos withdrew his hand.
Thor's teeth were red, he spat out more blood before he spoke. "We don’t have the Tesseract. It was destroyed on Asgard!"
From the corner of his eye, Loki spotted the Hulk, approaching Thanos. He flicked his fingers and felt his magical reserves deplete entirely as the Hulk faded from view, cloaked to the eyes of everyone on board.
Loki looked back to his brother, and held up his right hand.
After a brief moment, the Tesseract appeared in his palm, glowing blue and flashing with energy.
"You really are the worst, brother," Thor said, exhaustion and pain in his voice.
Loki stepped towards Thanos slowly. He wasn't foolish enough to believe this cooperation would spare him, but he had to give his last chance time to get into place.
Perhaps the Hulk could kill Thanos. Loki had to stall, to make time for Hulk to approach. "I assure you, brother, the sun will shine on us again," he said softly, looking at Thor as he held out the Tesseract.
"Your optimism is misplaced, Asgardian," Thanos said, reaching for the Tesseract, but Loki pulled it back, suddenly looking right at the Mad Titan, denying that he was terrified, even to himself.
"Well, for one thing: I’m not Asgardian," he said, "and for another… We have a Hulk."
Loki dropped the Tesseract and dove at Thor, knocking him aside and to the ground as Hulk swung at Thanos.
Thanos was knocked back by the blow, stumbling as Hulk smashed punch after punch into his face, ribs, arms, and anything he could reach.
Cull Obsidian moved to interfere, but Ebony Maw placed a hand on his chest. "Let him have his fun."
Thanos blocked Hulk's next strike, and he suddenly struck the green monster, once, twice, and a third time.
The Hulk lurched back, suddenly on the defensive, trying to deflect and block the Mad Titan's strikes with no avail.
Thanos struck him again and again, until he knocked Hulk to the ground, and Loki knew it was hopeless. There was no longer a remote possibility that anyone survived.
Thor tried to rush to Hulk's defense, but Ebony Maw waved his hand and pieces of metal debris flew up around Loki's brother and pinned him to the ground.
Dimly, Loki heard Heimdall speak. "Allfathers… let the dark magic flow through me one last… time."
The Bifrost touched down around the Hulk, and Loki fought the urge to jump into it as well. He was not running away.
"That was a mistake," Thanos growled, holding his hand out to Corvus Glaive, and the latter handed over his weapon. Thanos stabbed it down into Heimdall's chest, twisting the blade.
Heimdall fell still. "No!" Thor shouted, "you’re going to die for that!"
Ebony Maw flicked his hand again, and a muzzle formed over Thor's mouth. "Shhhh," he said, stooping to pick up the Tesseract. He didn't stand, instead settling on one knee and holding the Tesseract out to Thanos. "My humble personage bows before your grandeur. No other being has ever had the might, nay the nobility, to wield not one, but two Infinity Stones. The universe lies within your grasp."
Thanos reached out and took the Tesseract, crushing it in his grasp.
Loki saw what he had always known was in the cube, but had never seen. A glowing blue gem, very similar to Power Stone already in the gauntlet.
The Space Stone. Thanos held it up, and lifted it to the second space in the gauntlet. Energy streamed between the two Stones, as though they called to each other, and the Space Stone jumped into its place.
Thanos closed his fist, admiring the stones. "There are two more Stones on Earth. Find them, my children, and bring them to me on Titan."
Proxima Midnight crossed her arm over her chest. "Father, we will not fail you."
Loki couldn't stop his own death, but maybe he could protect Thor by distracting Thanos. He stepped out of the shadows, forcing his breathing under control. "If I might, interject…" he began, feeling the eyes of the Black Order fall on him. "If you’re going to Earth, you might want a guide. I do have a bit of experience in that arena."
"If you consider failure experience…" Thanos said, voice cold.
"I consider experience , experience," Loki said, taking a few slow steps forward. "Almighty Thanos. I, Loki, Prince of Asgard…"
He hadn't declared himself with his own titles in a long time. He'd called himself many things over the years, but the answer to what to say next came to him when he looked at his brother, straining helplessly against his bonds. "Odinson…" he said, not for his father, but for Thor. "The rightful King of Jotunheim, God of Mischief, do hereby pledge to you, my undying fidelity."
He felt the hilt of his dagger appear in his hand, and he took one big, deep breath before he lunged at Thanos, thrusting the dagger at his throat.
He was frozen before he could make it. His limbs shook against the hold, blue smoke peeling off his arm. Thanos held him frozen by the power of the Space Stone.
"'Undying.' You should choose your words more carefully," Thanos said, reaching out with his gauntleted hand, and clasping it around Loki's throat. He squeezed, lifting Loki up off the ground.
The pressure around his throat immediately caught his breath, leaving him kicking and squirming just to shift enough to get a gasp of air. He got no air, but he continued to gasp, throwing his weight from side to side but it didn't matter. The pressure in his throat only grew, his chest felt as though it might explode.
His head pounded and felt as though it might burst, growing more and more painful by the second.
He fought with everything he had, clawing his hands at Thanos's arm, but the Mad Titan didn't even seem to feel it. Loki kicked and thrashed and suddenly realised that he had been right all along.
It was pointless.
He stopped struggling. He hung limply from Thanos' grip. Panic still seized at his chest, and he gasped for air, but he stopped kicking and scratching.
It was hopeless. He was going to die. His head swam and ached and pounded, and felt as though it might burst at any moment, and it was pointless to fight. "You…" he croaked, his lungs feeling as though they closed up further with each bit of air he forced out. "Will never be… a god."
His vision was tunnelling. He was going to black out, he wished he would black out. He felt blood running from his nose and eye, the pressure in his head was unbearable.
He was terrified. He didn't want to die. He knew that now more than ever, now that it was inevitable. He didn't want to die, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with his people and his brother. He wanted to fight at Thor's side forever the way his brother had said he used to believe they would. He wanted to help their people recover, he wanted to prank his brother again, he wanted to live . He wanted to spend his life with his loved ones.
Instead, he felt Thanos' grip tighten around his neck and something cracked, impossibly loud, both in his head and out loud. Pain exploded in his neck and then he felt nothing at all.
Just the blackness of an endless void, swallowing him up entirely.
If I could change, I would
Take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would
If I could stand up and take the blame, I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave, I would
If I could change, I would
Take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would
If I could stand up and take the blame, I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave
- Linkin Park, Easier to Run, METEORA (2003)