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Kim Seungmin went out drinking very infrequently.
It’s not that he was completely averse to the idea; he just found it more trouble than it was worth. He had to make sure that he was covered from head to toe so that no one recognized him, and so that Chan or one of the managers wasn’t banging down his door and waving a news article in his face while he was still hungover the next morning. He didn’t find drinking to be all that fun, necessarily, not in the way that other people his age seemed to. He was much more of a homebody, honestly, and would prefer to stay in and read or watch a good drama.
Kim Seungmin went out drinking with Hwang Hyunjin even more infrequently.
Hyunjin was loud when he was drunk, and he stumbled a lot. It was like his body suddenly realized that all of his limbs were too long, and all of his dancer’s grace and coordination went out the window. He always laughed right in Seungmin’s ear, and had to basically be carried home. But he was Seungmin’s best friend, and so on one of their rare nights off Seungmin found himself with Hyunjin’s body draped over him, attempting to key the code into Hyunjin’s apartment. It was their dorm, technically, the one Hyunjin shared with Chan and Changbin and Jisung, but it appeared that either no one was home or they had their headphones on too high to hear Seungmin banging on the front door.
Seungmin finally heard the beep of the door unlocking, and heaved a grateful sigh as he dragged Hyunjin inside. The older was giggling blissfully, with his long, dark hair falling over his face. His cheeks were pink, like he’d stayed out in the sun for too long.
“Minnie,” he said. “Minnie, Minnie,”
“What, Hyunjin?” Seungmin asked patiently. He was currently trying to get Hyunjin’s shoes off so that he could bring him into the apartment, but it did not appear that Hyunjin was in a very cooperative mood and he kept moving his feet while Seungmin’s fingers snatched at the laces.
“Minnie, we should play Mario Kart. Do you want to play Mario Kart with me?”
“Depends,” Seungmin said. “Are you going to cry if you lose?”
“No,” Hyunjin answered. He crouched down so that he was on eye-level with Seungmin, but it appeared that he’d misjudged his balance because he landed on his butt. He didn’t seem bothered by it, though, and sat on the floor as he gazed up at Seungmin with wide, earnest eyes. He smelled like peach soju, which Seungmin knew because they’d done shots together at dinner earlier. He was just a lot better at holding his alcohol than Hyunjin was.
“Take your shoes off and I’ll think about it,” Seungmin told him. He stood up and walked into the kitchen, opening a cabinet and grabbing a glass for Hyunjin. He filled it up, and set it on the counter for later.
“Minnie, come baaaack,” Hyunjin whined. “I took my shoes off, but now I’m stuck.” When Seungmin went to find him, he was still on the floor. He’d grabbed a part of the table that usually held keys and umbrellas and was attempting to use it to get himself into a standing position, but it appeared that he’d managed to get his legs tangled up and couldn’t move them without falling over. Seungmin was grateful that he’d had the good sense to ask for help rather than taking the table down with him.
Seungmin got him back up and into his room, insisting that he change out of his outside clothes before he got into his clean bed. Hyunjin had pouted, but he seemed to light up again when Seungmin came back from the bathroom also wearing a pair of Hyunjin’s sweatpants and his dark green hoodie.
“Mario Kart?” He asked brightly. Seungmin nodded, crawling down the bed to turn on the TV and plug in Hyunjin’s Switch. The older started to fiddle with the controller, tongue poked out in concentration, and finally managed to get the software going. Seungmin reflected with just a little bitterness on his apparent determination and dexterity when it came to drunk Mario Kart, but not drunk walking.
Seungmin was very good at Mario Kart, but he let Hyunjin win anyways. To avoid the crying, he told himself, although Hyunjin’s victory cheer and the way he tackled Seungmin back onto the bed was nice too.
By the time they’d turned everything off and Seungmin had gotten him ready for bed, it was nearing four AM. He knew that they didn’t have schedules tomorrow or he’d never have agreed to do this in the first place, but his body still groaned at the thought of such a late night. Seungmin was a man of routine, so sue him.
Hyunjin was sitting upright in his bed looking at Seungmin when he came back in with the glass of water from the kitchen. He forced half of the glass down Hyunjin’s throat before Hyunjin pushed it back towards him, eyes wide again. The light streaming in through the doorway reflected back on his pupils, making them shine in the darkness.
“Minnie, you drank too, right? You need some water, or you’ll feel sick tomorrow.”
Seungmin smiled at him. Even when he was drunk, Hyunjin was always considerate of him. “It’s okay, I’ll have some on the way out,” he told him. “Drink the rest of this, okay? I’ll leave some painkiller on your bedside table.” He went to stand up, but Hyunjin grabbed his wrist. His eyes were so round.
“You’re leaving?” He sounded sad and disappointed, and something constricted in Seungmin’s chest.
“I’m just downstairs. We live in the same building.”
Hyunjin’s hand was still on his wrist, but he was chewing his plump bottom lip like he was thinking of something. Instinctively, Seungmin reached out to tap on it with his index finger. Hyunjin looked surprised, but he released it right away.
“Sorry, Jin,” Seungmin said softly. “I just didn’t want you to make your lip bleed again.”
Hyunjin was quiet for a moment, just watching Seungmin. His expression was still conflicted, which made Seungmin pause. Hyunjin wasn’t nearly as much of an overthinker as he was, and alcohol tended to remove his inhibitions entirely. Whatever was bothering him must be more serious than normal.
“Minnie,” he whispered eventually. Seungmin hummed, to let him know that he was listening. “Minnie, will you sing me a song?”
Seungmin was a little taken aback. This was certainly not the first time that Hyunjin had asked him to sing for him, but it was generally a lot less personal than this. Like at noraebang, or if they were in the kitchen making dinner. Not in the dark, at four AM, with just the two of them.
Hyunjin must’ve taken his silence as a refusal, because he opened his mouth again. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want–”
“No, it’s okay, I was just surprised,” Seungmin interrupted gently. “What do you want me to sing?”
Hyunjin made a noncommittal sound. “Whatever you want to sing, Minnie.”
Seungmin made sure that Hyunjin was all the way in bed before he started; he picked a ballad that he remembered his parents playing when he was younger, something relatively tame. He didn’t think he had the capability of singing anything difficult right now, although he doubted that Hyunjin at this point would’ve known the difference. He was still staring up at him, watching Seungmin’s lips as they formed the words with his head on the pillow.
“Good?” He said after he’d finished the last verse. Hyunjin nodded, but there was something unreadable on his face. After so many years of having Hyunjin as his friend, though their trainee years and their difficult debut and all of the activities and promotions up until now, there were very few things Seungmin didn’t know about him. This unreadable expression set off a weird feeling in his gut.
“Thank you, Minnie,” Hyunjin murmured.
Seungmin stood up from the bed and patted his head gently. “Any time.” He could’ve sworn that he felt Hyunjin’s eyes on him, all the way out of the apartment.
As expected, it was a late morning for Seungmin the next day. Minho, being the earliest riser in the dorm, had already been to the gym and back. He was sitting on the couch with a smoothie, scrolling through Twitter on his phone. Seungmin was surprised to see Felix, though. The Aussie was a notorious night owl, almost as bad as Hyunjin, whose sleep schedule’s insanity was second only to Chan’s.
“Hi hyung, hi Felix,” Seungmin greeted. He crossed the apartment to the kitchen, pulling the fridge open to see if they had anything that could reasonably qualify as ‘breakfast’.
“Good morning,” Felix said in English. “Did you have fun with Hyunjinnie last night? You got back late.”
Seungmin stared. “How do you know that?”
“Oh, Hyunjin texted me to say when you guys got home. A bit hard to read, but I got the memo.”
“Oh.” Seungmin pulled out a carton of eggs, and cracked two over a pan on the stove. They sizzled in the oil, sending Seungmin hastily backwards in fear of burns. “Um, yeah,” he finally replied. “It was fun. Dinner was really good.”
“Mmm, where did you go?” Minho asked, looking up from his phone. “Jisungie’s always looking for good places.”
“A Japanese grill, in Jamsil,” Seungmin responded. He prodded the eggs with a spatula. “We ended up being there longer than I thought we would be because Hyunjin wanted more peach soju shots.”
Felix laughed. “He’s the worst about that once you get him started. If you wanted to leave early you should’ve told him you’d buy him a bottle on the way home.”
“It’s okay,” Seungmin shrugged. “He’s been begging me to go out with him for a while, and he’s right about us being too busy all the time. He says we don’t hang out together enough any more.”
Minho snorted. “You guys are on every schedule together, and he managed to orchestrate it so that you guys shared a hotel room on basically every stop when we were on tour. He lives upstairs.”
“I know,” Seungmin said. “But he’s been asking, and I didn’t want to say no.”
“You mean you can’t say no.” There was a borderline malicious grin on his face.
Seungmin rolled his eyes. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, hyung. Weren’t you just asking about a restaurant for Sungie? We all know that you’re going to take him there and pay for everything and hold his hand under the table all night.” He expected Minho to at least try to hit him after that, and raised his spatula to defend himself when the older stood up off the couch. He was surprised when Minho just yawned, stretched, and left the room. Seungmin was very much reminded of a cat.
“Seungmin,” Felix called. Seungmin looked at him. There was a slight nervous glint in his eye, which made Seungmin frown. “When you’re done making those eggs will you come over here and sit? We need to talk.”
That was never a good way to start a conversation. “Um, yeah?” He answered hesitantly. “What’s up?”
“Nothing, nothing,” Felix said lightly. “Just come over here when you’re done.”
Anxiety instantly lit up in Seungmin’s gut; he mentally ran back every conversation he’d had with Felix in the last few weeks, but came up with nothing that would warrant an introduction like “we need to talk”. Now Seungmin couldn’t even plan what he was going to say, because he had no idea what he was going to get grilled about.
He put his eggs on top of a bowl of rice once they were so crispy they were on the verge of being burnt, trying to stall as long as possible until he figured out what this talk was going to be about. Unfortunately, he still had nothing by the time he sat down on the floor next to the coffee table. Felix looked up from his phone, dark hair making him look much more innocent and natural than the bleach blonde he’d been sporting practically since their debut.
“Hey, so,” Felix began. “I don’t really know how to tell you this, but you need to stop leading Hyunjin on.”
Seungmin was speechless, and he swallowed his very hot bite of egg and rice way too quickly. Trying not to choke, he took a sip of the iced coffee he’d made while the eggs were cooking. His eyes were definitely watering in pain.
“It’s hurting him,” Felix continued. “And I know you’re not doing it on purpose, because you’d never hurt him on purpose. But he told me that it’s making him hopeful, which is really difficult when you don’t feel the same way.”
Seungmin’s head was spinning. This was so much information, all at once. Hyunjin liked him? Since when? And why? Hyunjin was Hyunjin, the star of Stray Kids, the beauty and rapper and ultra-talented dancer that everyone loved. The other actors and idols had been instantly charmed by him on the set of Music Core, and all of the fans adored him. He was Hyunjin, and Seungmin was… Seungmin. He knew that he was good-looking enough, and a good singer. Hyunjin told him so all the time, had always talked about how lucky he was to be in the same group as his favorite singer in the world. That one was definitely an exaggeration, but Seungmin liked to think he had good self-esteem and wasn’t in the business of lying to himself. He was realistic, and practical; but both realistically and practically, Hyunjin was way out of his league. If he was honest with himself, Hyunjin should probably be dating, like, a supermodel or something.
“Hyunjin likes me?” Seungmin choked out.
Felix frowned. “Yes, of course he likes you. You already knew that, he told you so in LA.”
Seungmin was suddenly thrown back to a time several months ago, when they’d still been on tour. They’d had a stop in Los Angeles, Seungmin’s old stomping grounds from the very brief time he’d lived in America. He’d been dying for In-N-Out the whole time they were there, but they were so busy and their schedule had been so tightly packed that he hadn’t been able to go. It was looking like they weren’t going to be able to get any at all, not even in the drive-thru, by the night before they were supposed to be heading to the airport, except that Hyunjin had somehow managed to convince one of the managers to take him while Seungmin was in a meeting. He’d brought it back for the two of them to share on their hotel bed, long past midnight. It was one of Seungmin’s fondest memories with his best friend, talking and laughing in their exhausted delirium, but it seemed that he’d missed something huge. Maybe Hyunjin didn’t really want to be his best friend.
“Wait,” Seungmin said slowly. “So when he said ‘Seungmin, I like you so much’...”
Felix’s eyes were wide now, like he was suddenly realizing what had happened. “You didn’t get it?!” He said in a strangled half-yell.
“No!” Seungmin exclaimed. He spared a momentary thought for Jeongin, who was definitely still trying to sleep, but decided that there were more important matters at the moment. Like, Seungmin’s very quickly impending doom. “I thought it was just late, and we were both tired, and he was being his usual sappy self, and so I just said…” He trailed off, in mild shock. “I said ‘Of course I like you too, Jinnie. You’re my best friend in the whole world.’”
Felix put his face in his hands. “Oh my God, you are so stupid. Kim Seungmin, you are the smartest person I know, but you are so stupid.”
“How was I supposed to know!?” Seungmin cried. “He says stupid sappy shit all the time, how was I supposed to know that one was any different?”
“Because he copped to watching ship compilations of you guys on the internet,” Felix groaned. His hair was messy now, and Seungmin momentarily felt bad for causing him so much stress before his internal monologue went back to a high, unending scream.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“A ship compilation, it’s when the fans take a bunch of videos of you two and–”
“No, I know what that is,” Seungmin said quickly. “I just meant how is that any different from, I don’t know, any of the other embarrassing stuff that Stray Kids as a collective do on the internet every day.”
Felix goggled at him. “How could anything possibly be more embarrassing than admitting to watching ship videos of you and your group mate? Your friend, your bro?”
“Um, I will not be lectured by the guy that has a Changbin body pillow on his bed right now,” Seungmin said pointedly. “And Jisung says daily affirmations of how hot Minho hyung is. Like, every day, as part of his routine. Right after he brushes his teeth and right before he gets dressed.”
“Sungie’s never copped to that on the internet, though,” Felix pointed out.
“It’s only a matter of time before Changbin hyung gets it on video.”
Felix sighed. He looked worn out, like he’d enjoy nothing more than to get back in bed. Seungmin privately agreed; maybe this was all some weird hangover dream, and if he got back in bed he’d wake up and they would’ve never had this conversation.
“Okay, well, you probably need to talk to Hyunjin,” Felix said finally.
“And say what? ‘Oh, sorry for that weird misunderstanding that one time, but we should probably just leave things as they are, so I just dragged this up for no reason?’” Seungmin’s brain felt like his mushy, overcooked eggs in the bottom of the bowl.
Felix went silent for a second, and then spoke. “You really… don’t like him back?”
“Of course I like him, he’s Hyunjin, everybody likes Hyunjin,” Seungmin said calmly.
“No, I mean, like, he has a crush on you. Do you not…?”
Seungmin gave him a weird look. “I just said it. He’s Hyunjin, everybody kind of has a crush on Hyunjin, it’s not like I’m special or anything.”
Felix looked, if possible, even more flabbergasted than before. “Okay, first of all, no. Everyone does not have a crush on Hyunjin.”
Seungmin raised his eyebrows. “You don’t kind of have a crush on Hyunjin? Like, Hwang Hyunjin, our bandmate that lives upstairs.”
“Seungmin. Changbin body pillow, remember?”
“Oh. Oh my God, you have a crush on Changbin hyung?”
Felix actually smacked himself in the forehead. “You are so stupid. So stupid! I actually feel bad for Hyunjin now, this is so ridiculous… Jisung and Minho hyung, then? Did you think that Jisung gave daily monologues about Minho hyung’s ass for acting practice?”
“No, of course not,” Seungmin scoffed. “Jisung’s been head-over-heels for hyung since pre-debut. It’s Minho hyung that’s stupid on that one, he just can’t admit that he likes him back.”
Felix’s shoulders relaxed a little. “Okay, good. So you’re not a completely hopeless cause.” He then frowned, eyebrows knitting together. “If you have a crush on Hyunjin, and you know that he also has a crush on you, then… why are you still sitting here on the floor with a bowl of cold eggs?”
“Felix, I just said,” Seungmin groaned. “Everyone has a crush on Hyunjin. Except you and Jisung, apparently, but whatever. Everyone has a crush on Hyunjin, so I’m not special.”
“No!” Felix cried. “No, you literally are! Sure, everyone likes Hyunjin, but you’re the only one out of everyone that Hyunjin likes back!”
That stunned Seungmin into silence. The more he thought about it, the more that he realized that Felix was kind of right. Seungmin might be very realistic and practical, but Hyunjin was not. Hyunjin was creative, an artist who saw the beauty in everything. Who saw beauty in Seungmin, apparently, and Seungmin was not about to tell him to stop. The massive crush on his best friend that had been locked in a box labeled Do Not Open since predebut was finally starting to see the light.
Seungmin stood up. He put his bowl in the sink and washed it carefully, ever a creature of habit even when it felt like there were a thousand tiny Seungmins in his brain crying and throwing stuff and lighting everything on fire. He sat down on the floor again, cross legged, in front of Felix.
“... What are you doing?” Felix asked him, sounding utterly perplexed.
“It’s only 11:30, Hyunjin won’t be awake yet.”
“He’s definitely awake, he texted me while you were in the shower,” Felix said, holding up his phone. “Something about how it wasn’t fair that you were cute and smart and talented all at the same time. I think he was still ranting about your song last night.”
Seungmin definitely did not feel cute and smart and talented when he almost faceplanted in his rush to get up and put his shoes on, but if Hyunjin really thought so then he wasn’t about to argue.
Seungmin felt weirdly nervous, standing in front of Hyunjin’s door. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d been nervous around his best friend, and it was stupid of him to be nervous in the first place considering that Hyunjin had literally confessed to him once already. He took a deep breath, and knocked.
Hyunjin came to open the door, looking surprised to see him. He’d clearly showered, but he was back in his pajamas. It was dark in his room, and a drama was paused on the TV. Seungmin was kind of enchanted by the way his damp hair fell around his face. He looked soft, not like the fierce and sexy Hyunjin that everyone else saw. This felt special, even though he was literally just in his plaid pajama pants and a t-shirt with a penguin on it. Seungmin couldn’t believe he’d managed to force down his burning crush on the older boy for so long.
“Minnie?” Hyunjin asked. His bottom lip was pushed out a little, making his ‘confused’ face. Seungmin thought it was cute.
“Hi, Jinnie. Can I come in? I think we need to talk about something.” Hyunjin’s eyes blew wide, like he was worried. “No, nothing bad,” Seungmin reassured him quickly. He went to sit on the bed after Hyunjin stepped aside to let him in, patting the space beside him for the older to sit down. Hyunjin sat tentatively, looking like he was still expecting some sort of bad news. Seungmin took his hand to calm him, which made his pink, pretty mouth drop open.
Seungmin took a deep breath. “Jinnie,” he began. “Um, Felix told me something this morning. About… LA.” Hyunjin’s face instantly fell, and Seungmin’s heart squeezed at the misery that flashed over his features. Hyunjin went to remove his hand from Seungmin’s, but he held on.
“No, Jin, it’s my fault,” Seungmin said quickly. “I misunderstood. I didn’t get what you meant, when you said you liked me. I thought… well, I thought since everyone liked you, that I couldn’t possibly… That I couldn’t possibly be the one that you liked back. I didn’t believe it, I guess, or I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”
There was understanding dawning on Hyunjin’s face, and something else– joy. “The one that I– that I liked back?” He breathed. The light in his eyes was brighter than Seungmin thought he’d ever seen it. “You like me?”
Seungmin nodded. “Yeah. I have for a while, I just– I don’t know, it was stupid, I guess. I just figured that you were so out of my league that I didn’t even want to hurt myself thinking about it.”
Hyunjin frowned. “Minnie, I thought that you were supposed to be the smart one out of the two of us. In what world am I out of your league?”
Seungmin chuckled. “Now you’re just being too nice, Jin.”
“No, I’m serious!” Hyunjin cried. “I’ve liked you for so long, I always thought you were so cute, and so smart, and I’m in love with your voice, Min, I mean it–”
Seungmin cut him off before he could pick up steam. He knew that Hyunjin was a rambler, and would probably go on forever. There were only so many compliments that Seungmin could take before his cheeks stayed permanently red.
“It doesn’t matter now, right?” He asked, sort of cautiously. “If you like me, then… it doesn’t matter what I think. If you like me, then I’m happy.”
A smile, so radiant and sweet, bloomed on Hyunjin’s face. Seungmin was reminded for probably about the millionth time how lucky he was to even be in the same room as the most beautiful boy on Earth. His joy was stunning, and Seungmin thought he’d be okay seeing it every day for the rest of his life.
“Minnie,” Seungmin’s very sappy train of thought was interrupted by Hyunjin’s voice. “Can I kiss you?”
Seungmin didn’t trust himself to respond verbally to that, so he just nodded. Hyunjin leaned forward, so close, hesitating just a millimeter away. He was nervous, Seungmin realized. His hands were shaking. He wasn’t really sure that Seungmin wanted this as badly as he did.
Seungmin closed the gap between them. The second his lips met Hyunjin’s, the older pressed forwards until he was almost in Seungmin’s lap. His hands were on Seungmin’s waist, and God, Seungmin thought. This was what he’d been missing out on since predebut? He wanted to go back and smack his teenage self. Hyunjin tasted like watermelon and mint, and he was licking into Seungmin’s mouth with a gentle passion. Seungmin threaded his fingers through Hyunjin’s long, dark hair, something he’d wanted to do before he’d even known that it was a possibility. A tiny sound escaped Hyunjin’s throat when he felt it, and for the first time in a long time Seungmin’s internal monologue went completely silent.
When they finally broke apart, Hyunjin’s lips were shiny and swollen and his hair was messy from Seungmin’s fingers. His t-shirt was rumpled, and Seungmin felt like he could still feel Hyunjin’s hands on his chest. He groaned, shoving his face into Hyunjin’s pillow.
“What, babe?” Hyunjin teased. Seungmin said something unintelligible, still facedown on the bed. “What was that?” He asked lightly. “Didn’t hear you.”
“I said you’re hot, and it’s terrible,” Seungmin wailed.
Hyunjin, being the terrible, awful, way-too-hot-for-Seungmin’s-own-good boyfriend that he was, laughed. “Does that mean I get a monologue like Minho hyung?”
Seungmin sat up to glare at him. “No.”
“Hmm,” Hyunjin said, faking like he was deep in thought. Then he let a smile come over his face, like he’d just had the best idea in the world. “How about a song?”