Chapter Text
Tommy never understood Technoblade’s hatred or Phil’s disdain for Techno’s voices. Wilbur never liked to talk about them either and would sometimes get mean if Tommy asked, so he learned to be quiet. They all hated them, the voices Technoblade had. Wilbur hated them because they took Techno away on long trips with their dad and they’d always be gone for so long. They both said they couldn’t help it but Tommy thought they were lying. Why would the voices make Technoblade and Phil leave them behind? It didn’t make sense. After all, his voices didn’t make him leave Wilbur.
After years of receiving negative reactions, Tommy learned to stop asking about it. Technoblade had to leave because of his voices and that was that. Even when he didn’t come home. Wilbur cried when they didn’t come back the last time. He tried to do it quietly so Tommy wouldn’t know, but it was hard to hide things from him.
Tommy was good at hiding things though. His own voices were an example of this. He had a knack for learning quickly in whatever environment he was in which is why he had survived as long as he had. So, when Phil would go cold, or Techno would storm out, or Wilbur would say poisonous things Tommy learned to stop asking or talking about Techno’s voices and by extension, his own. So he stopped talking to his voices when he knew others were around, he didn’t mention the things they said to others, and he learned how to stop laughing randomly at their crude commentary. He learned how to hide in plain sight.
That didn’t mean he stopped paying attention to his voices. He didn’t have the same relationship with his that Technoblade had with his own. Tommy relied on them for advice and guidance throughout life as well as for companionship. Without them, Tommy was sure he would be dead by now.
Tommy didn’t know much about where his came from. He just knew that one day they were there and they hadn’t shut up since. He could hypothesize and he was pretty sure he knew where they came from, but he had promised himself not to think about that anymore. Not to think about her anymore. Those were all memories to keep locked away deep inside his mind. He thinks Puffy called that compartmentalization but he wasn’t sure. So, he kept the bad memories deep inside his head and he could be okay and smile and say stupid things to make others laugh. The important thing about all this though was that his voices had been there for as long as he could remember and he had learned to trust their judgment. So, when they all began to screech in his head about ‘the green bitch’ and ‘RUN’, he knew to listen.
That led him to where he is right now, sprinting through the woods. He didn’t know where he was going, just that he needed to go.
LEFT
GO LEFT!!!!
LEFT
LEFT
Tommy took a hard left and clipped his arm on a tree. He stumbled and lurched forward before correcting himself and pushing off a branch on the ground. His breath came in short gasps as the trees blurred around him. He had no idea where he was or where he was going so he was relying solely on the voices to guide him away from whatever danger was following him (He already knew who was chasing him. He was just choosing to ignore the singsong call of his name behind him. It was getting closer).
Go straight!
Go into the snowy plains!
Yes, yes! Go to the snow!!
Hey, that rhymes
Stay on topic, go to the snow Tommy
Listening to the voices’ advice, Tommy ran straight and didn’t stop even when the air started getting colder. It felt like little icicles were going into his lungs and piercing them with the shreds getting caught in his throat and stuck to the panic wedged there too. He gasped trying to get more air in but he only inhaled more little knives. He choked and coughed out a phlegmy substance that dripped down his chin. Tommy knew the panic was beginning to cloud his mind and that soon he would begin to slow down which only made him panic more.
It’s okay!
Just keep running!
You can do it Tommy!
Even with their encouragement, Tommy was struggling to stay above his panic. He was drowning and there was nowhere to hold on. The voices were like a piece of wood, something to hang on to but unable to stop him from slipping under the waves. They’d only drown with him. His vision blurred from tears and black spots. He only continued forward because of their commands and motivation.
Just a little farther now!
Almost there!
We promise
Go, go, go!
He didn’t have time to worry about where they were leading him. All he knew was that they believed whatever was in front of him was safer than what was behind. He didn’t have time to question their assessment, he just had to have faith that they were on his side and unlike many things in his life, he didn’t question that. So he did what he had done for years, he listened and he ran. He ran until he was leaping in the knee high snow and he felt his shoes barely hanging on. He ran until the cold had frozen his lungs and made his skin blue-tinted. He ran until a gate made itself obvious in front of him
In another situation or time, Tommy would see that gate and know to turn away. He would know he wasn’t welcome there and he wasn’t safe, but that wasn’t now. Now he was so panicked his brain had shut down all thoughts, leaving him relying fully on the voices in his head that screamed that shelter was here. So, Tommy jumped the fence and fell face first into the icy snow. It bit his skin like angry wolves and cold explosions. His eyes burned from what he wished was snow as he scrambled up on scratched palms. His ears were cotton stuffed with screeches of a little more, a few more steps, and a safety Tommy had forgotten to remember wasn’t real. So he ran for the steps in front of him and crawled when the ice made him slip.
He tripped on the last one and fell to the ice covered wooden porch. His chin knocked hard against the ice and he would have thought he lost a tooth if he didn’t know what that actually felt like. The frozen fragments of panic were knocked loose from his tightened throat and spilled out in choked sobs and begs for mercy. To whom he was begging, he did not know but he prayed they were merciful.
The door opened. He only knew because of the blurry light that filled his icy, tear-filled eyes. The warmth of something Tommy had long since forgotten breathed into his skin taunts of regret and a betrayal long ago. Something in the back of his head screamed to go back the way he came and find another way, but that piece was buried beneath the part of him that was used to doing whatever it took to survive and knowing that meant listening to the voices. Whispers of the things from the box in the back of his mind made the panic even worse and distorted his reality more. He couldn’t remember what Puffy had called it, but he knew there was a term. But for now, surviving was all that mattered.
“Tommy” A voice said and his head shot up. He couldn’t see much past the blur in his eyes but he knew there were pinks and reds in front of him. He didn’t know anyone that looked like that -the part of him that had been shoved deep inside screamed of a brother and a traitor. Tommy tried to get his hands stabilized underneath him so he could push himself away from the tall, tall person in front of him. His feet caught on the ice and propelled him backwards into the porch railing. His back ached at the contact and snow fell down into his hair and shirt. His breath only came in jagged gasps and he couldn’t stop coughing. He could feel the saliva and phlegm leaking down his chin but he couldn’t focus on that because the person was talking and he couldn’t fucking hear him. His arms flew up to protect his face and his legs pulled up close to protect his vital organs.
It’s okay
Breathe
You have to breathe
You are going to pass out
C’mon Tommy
BREATHE
He gasped to get more air into his lungs but it wouldn’t work. They were torn up and he just couldn’t breathe. The person was crouching in front of him and his hands were reaching towards him. Tommy flinched away and the person stopped.
Listen
Listen to him
He can’t idiots, you’re all talking
BE QUIET
The sudden silence cut through him like a knife. He was still drowning but now he could hear things other than the crashing waves around his sinking body.
“Hey, Tommy, c’mon breathe. I can’t have you dying here. It would be bad for property value and it would be so much work to get rid of the body,” the voice said. Tommy’s heart lurched at this person talking about his death. Other people had talked about his death casually before and it hadn’t ended well. The need to run or to fight to defend himself kicking in at the same time caused his brain to drop rapidly into old instincts. The man was tall but he was crouched in front of Tommy trying to make himself smaller and less of a target. He had netherite armor and way too many weapons visible and not for Tommy to be able to fight him and get out alive. His gasps grew louder as the waves crashed over his head. “Jesus christ. Theseus please. You need to breathe or you are going to make yourself pass out, c’mon kid.”
The man started to lead Tommy through breathing exercises but all he could focus on was the fact he knew his name. His real name. The one his mother had gifted him when he was only a baby. He never told anyone that name and yet this man knew it. That had to mean something so Tommy followed him and tried to breathe.
That’s it
Good job Tommy
Just keep doing that
Softnoblade
shut up
His brain stuttered at those words. Softnoblade. Blade. Technoblade. That name meant something, he knew it did but his mind was guarding it like a secret. He felt fear but he also felt safety in the name. He didn’t really know what to think of that but he knew he could trust the voices to protect him. After all, they had saved his life.
“That’s it kid, good job. Now, you want to tell me what you are doing here?” Tommy only stared at the man- Technoblade. He couldn’t think of the words to say to get his point across. His voice was still gone and the words rested like chains in his chest. The man sighed, obviously annoyed and Tommy flinched away. Annoyed people who were also strong were always a recipe for disaster and for pain. He opened his mouth to try to get something out but a rasping cough was the only thing his vocal chords could produce. He could feel tears pressed at the corners of his eyes and a pressure in his head began to form. Tommy didn’t want to think about what this man would do to him if he couldn’t talk. “You think you can just show up at my house and not talk? I told you if you came back here I would kill you.”
The waves crashed overhead and this time he didn’t come back up for air. He blinked and he was on his feet stumbling away from Technoblade who had just said he would kill him. The anger he felt radiating from him made his heart begin to pound anew as he tripped backwards down the stairs straight into the icy ledge below. The last thing he saw before it all went dark was Technoblade reaching for him with widened eyes and an open mouth. Tommy prayed he would kill him while he was unconscious instead of waiting for him to be awake.