Work Text:
You tortured my dad? Ben asks the one called Red Eye. There are others, but Red Eye is most important.
Instead of answering with words, images of his dad crying out in pain, falling to the floor overwhelm his vision. Ben is in Red Eye’s point of view; it feels like he’s the one reaching out to hurt Dad. He doesn’t want to, but he knows he must.
(The only way to gain their trust is to hurt Dad. This is more confusing for him than when the other skitters take him over. They try to keep a wall between them. Red Eye is letting everything wash over him and Ben’s not trying to fight it off.)
And, of course, there’s the knowledge that it’s all because of him. That the only reason why Dad was in this position was him. That doesn’t come from Red Eye.
(Ben’s pretty sure. At the moment, it’s hard to remember where he ends and Red Eye begins.)
Why are you showing me this?
Red Eye has let him keep control of his body; Ben could run away right now. But he has to know what this is about.
(He’s not sure he could run away. He wants to run farther away than his legs could ever take him. Since he wants to run that far, there’s no point in even trying.)
Because I must be honest with you. If you find out I participated in the torture of your father later, you will cease to trust me. I have other things to show you as well.
The images change, and now he sees a field. Dad is there, as well as a bunch of strangers. Ben watches helplessly as a mech appears and begins shooting them all. He can feel a kind of dispassionate sadness- a feeling that this is unfortunate but necessary. Before the mech can hurt Dad, Red Eye stops it, turns away. Lets Dad go free.
You saved him.
(Ben ignores the other bodies in front of him, the other kids who will never see their parents again: he wants so badly for this resistance to be real, to be good. And they don’t matter like Dad matters.)
He is necessary. He will not give up. And you would not help create a resistance that allowed your father to be murdered.
(It’s true.) (He’ll help create a resistance that’ll let other people’s fathers to be murdered.)
How do you know so much about my family?
Suddenly, he sees himself. He sees himself shooting Dad; he can feel the bullet enter him. There’s no anger or upset, though. There’s happiness. Joy. A sense of completeness and the deep knowledge that he’s home, even as pain rips through him. The only regret seems to be that he’s only seen Ben and Hal, but not seen Matt.
(What if Dad could feel what he’s feeling now? Would he think he’s a monster?)
I placed a bug in your father to gather intelligence. I had to be certain that you were trustworthy and that your father would support you before approaching you. He loves you and your brothers deeply. If this is the best chance for your survival, he will take it.
I don’t know if he’ll go for this. A skitter rebellion is pretty hard to believe.
We will gather numbers, and when we are ready, you will be able to persuade your father into allying with us. You will be an equal partner; we will not use you without your consent.
Okay, no promises, but we’ll see. We’ll see.
(Ben feels the need to find Dad. To apologize for torturing him. He knows he didn’t do it, but it’s meshed in him now.)
Ben can’t stop feeling Dad’s feelings when he shot him. He can’t believe there wasn’t any kind of disappointment or anger or at least fear, considering he’s just been shot. Just joy.
(He can’t imagine being that happy to see anyone. He can’t imagine being that happy.)
The next time he sees Dad, Ben buries his face in Dad’s jacket and holds him close.
“Ben?”
“I love you.”
(Will you love me when you find out? Ben doesn’t ask. Not because he’s afraid that his dad will stop loving him. Oh no, because Ben knows that Dad will love him just the same. No matter how damaged and defective, even if it turns out he’s working with the enemy. Dad will love him just the same.)
Dad’s arms wrap around him, and Ben feels bad about hiding his meeting with Red Eye from Dad. But Ben has to be able to prove to Dad that this is worth it. He has to earn this unconditional love that Dad has for him.
(It’s funny. Shouldn’t finding out about Dad’s deep, unconditional love make him feel better, more confident?)
(No: he’s not what Dad thought he loved. There’s no way Dad ever could have anticipated what he had decided to love, all those years ago.)