Chapter Text
Sakura would never forget the first time she called Kakashi’s name while omitting the honorifics.
The day she turned 20 and became of age had been celebrated at a local izakaya, and it seemed as though every person she knew wanted to buy her a drink. Naruto was the worst of them all; he insisted that getting blackout drunk was a part of becoming an adult and would not stop plying her with sake. He also refused to listen to reason when Sakura insisted that she did not want to end her birthday with her head stuck over a toilet.
Her hard-headed best friend would not hear of it and Sakura was in no position to argue with him.
An unlikely savior came by way of their former sensei and current Hokage, who had been unsurprisingly late to the celebrations.
At first Sakura had told Naruto to pass along the message about her birthday celebration since he was always at the Hokage Tower. Then she realized it was proper to do the inviting herself. Kakashi had seemed wary upon her entrance to his office but after she yelled at him for giving her a dubious glance, he relaxed his features a bit.
Kakashi didn’t accept or decline her invitation, which was to be expected since he was the Hokage. At the back of her mind, Sakura hoped that he would accept. It had been good to see her friends; those days running into one another happened infrequently due to missions and other adult responsibilities. She knew the Rokudaime was even busier and didn’t really expect him to show up at the izakaya, but a glimpse of spiky silver hair across the room combined with an excess of alcohol made her stomach do a few flips.
Kakashi slid into place across from Sakura and Naruto, swiping some eihire from the blond’s plate without him noticing. He looked slightly amused at the argument between his former students, but when Naruto had his head turned, Kakashi finished every drink that had been shoved in Sakura’s direction. Sakura had no idea how Kakashi managed to finish every single cup of sake while remaining upright. Yet after a while, she had other things to worry about.
The scent of food, the heat of the izakaya combined with alcohol left her head spinning, and soon she had to rush outside to get some air.
“That’s better,” she murmured, closing her eyes and tipping her face up to the dark sky. She exhaled as a cool breeze swept across her sweat-dampened forehead.
“Is the birthday girl supposed to sneak out on her own party?” an amused voice asked behind her.
Sakura opened her eyes and turned around to find Kakashi staring at her, his eyes crinkled with mirth.
“The birthday girl can do what she wants,” Sakura replied with a small laugh. “It’s too hot in there and I needed to smell something other than a bunch of sweaty guys and yakitori.”
“Why do you think I have this?” Kakashi replied, gesturing to his face mask with an obvious grin.
“Funny,” Sakura replied drily, folding both arms across her chest. “From what I remember you usually wear two. You could have let me borrow one.”
“Yeah, but then we’d both still be stuck inside with the unwashed.”
“Hmm, good point.” Sakura yawned and stretched, suddenly wishing for a place to sit. “I think we need to walk off some of this alcohol.”
It didn’t occur to Sakura that her statement was a bit random, but she was surprised anyway to see Kakashi uproot himself from the wall and fall into place beside her.
The two walked in silence for a while. Sakura mused that this entire situation was decidedly weird, but reminded herself that her former sensei had always been weird. Yet, his presence was comforting nonetheless and she didn’t mind.
“I’m glad I didn’t listen to Ino,” Sakura said, peering down at her feet. “That idiot tried to convince me to wear heels tonight.”
When there was no reply, not even a hum, Sakura turned around and found Kakashi splayed on the ground, fast asleep.
“I…don’t believe this,” she muttered to herself. “Although I guess this is my fault since he got rid of all those drinks for me.”
Sakura did the only thing feasible and hoisted her former sensei onto her back, carrying him in the direction of the Hokage mansion.
“Why are you so long?!”
“I’m…strong?”
“Long! As in your limbs,” Sakura groaned, turning her head to glare at his arm limply slung over her shoulder. “We know you’re strong, I don’t need to point it out.”
Kakashi mumbled something before falling silent, and Sakura swore at him one last time before continuing on her way.
“Not there,” he said upon realizing which direction they were headed, his voice muffled by lips pressing into his mask which were also pressed into her hair. “My apartment. The first one.”
“Fine by me,” Sakura replied, in no mood to suss out why Kakashi wanted to avoid his new residence. “Your place is closer anyway.”
When they were finally in front of the newly rebuilt apartment complex with the Hidden Leaf village banner, she had to practically jump up and down to shake him awake.
“Hey, you’re home but I don’t know which one is yours.”
Kakashi mumbled something unintelligible again and Sakura put him down, rushing to slip an arm beneath his shoulders before he slid to the ground again.
“Kakashi, dammit! Teleport us inside! I need to pee!”
“S’alright. One teleportation coming up.” He clumsily put his arms around her shoulders and she could feel him forming seals behind her head.
One minute they were standing on the darkened street and the next they were standing in a darkened apartment. Kakashi was still partially asleep and Sakura hoped he’d sent them to the correct apartment. Teleporting into the wrong shinobi’s home and finding herself on the wrong end of a kunai was not how she wanted to end her birthday night.
Kakashi was no help when Sakura asked him where the bathroom was. She dashed around until she found it and sighed in relief. Her mind was still fuzzy but still she was able to examine Kakashi’s bathroom, which was sparsely decorated yet immaculate.
“Kakashi, where the hell are you?” Sakura called out when she was done, doing her best to not yell.
“Here,” replied a muffled voice, and she followed the sound until finding Kakashi sprawled on the floor, most of his body inside the apartment but the rest of him in the genkan. He was drunk but not so drunk as to walk inside with his shoes on.
“You don’t need to throw up, do you?” she asked, ready to push him onto his side if needed.
“No. I just can’t get these off.”
He indicated ‘these’ by wriggling his toes.
Her former sensei turned out to be an amenable drunk. He let Sakura remove his shoes and usher him to the bedroom. He didn’t argue when she forced two glasses of water down his throat, along with some pills from her pouch that would come in handy by morning. Removing his flak jacket and hitai-ate was slightly difficult, especially when Kakashi thought Sakura was trying to take off his face mask. She could see his lips pursed through the fabric as he e turned his face this way and that, the way a small child would when being fed vegetables.
“I’m not touching your mask, dammit,” she snapped, impressed with the speed his hand caught her wrist despite his inebriated state. He finally let go and let Sakura pull him up, and she did her best to ignore the way his face pressed against her breasts as she yanked him closer to awkwardly remove the flak jacket. She then had to force him to lie flat, proceeding to remove his thigh holster and pat him down.
The man actually giggled, and Sakura had been shocked to find that he was ticklish. Or perhaps it was his drunken state that left him giddy. Either way she wasn’t terribly concerned.
My former teacher is an idiot, she thought in disbelief at the way Kakashi was splayed in bed.
“Move your hands, Kakashi. I’m only trying to find the fifty places you have weapons hidden. Now be still or wake up with the tip of a kunai embedded in your ass—your choice.”
“’Kay, I’ll behave,” he conceded, allowing his entire body to relax while Sakura ran her hands over his pants and pockets. He then mumbled something and she had to ask him to repeat himself twice. “You missed a spot,” she finally understood, and watched as he attempted to turn on his side.
“I swear, no one would ever believe me if I told them the famous Copy Ninja and Rokudaime reverted to a teenager after a few drinks,” she muttered, using one hand to completely tip him over and run her hands along his back. She finally found a well-concealed kunai and more shuriken too close for her comfort near his ass, and cursed again while removing everything and placing them on the desk across from his bed. “I swear on everything I love, that better be the last of it. Because if you have anything hidden by your crotch, I’m calling Gai and Yamato to get it out.”
“You used to be so nice,” Kakashi told her mournfully, attempting to sound pitiful while peering up at her with one extra sleepy eye.
“That’s a lie and we both know it,” she laughed, tugging the blankets over his body. “Now go to sleep. I’m still drunk although messing with you killed some of my buzz. I’m taking over your sofa and you better have an extra blanket.”
Kakashi clumsily pointed in the vicinity of the bedroom which turned out to be zero help. The room was so bare that Sakura couldn’t figure out where a blanket would exist. In the end she found one in a cupboard near his bathroom, and wrapped herself in it.
I can’t believe this is how my birthday ended, although I guess it could have been worse, Sakura thought as she laughed herself to sleep.
A distinct thumping at the back of his skull was the first thing Kakashi noticed when he opened his eyes the next morning. He stared up at the ceiling, wondering how he got home as the last thing he remembered was the warmly-lit izakaya where he’d had multiple drinks all without opening his purse.
Ah, that would explain the thumping.
Kakashi sat up and it took in the view of his bedroom. Everything looked intact but somehow something was different. The air was charged as though he wasn’t alone, and even through his mask he detected a hint of sweets and floral soap. It took him a few minutes to remember who the scent reminded him of, and his nose led him to his living room.
On his sofa was a lump covered in his spare blanket, and as he got closer the scent emanating from it grew stronger.
“Sakura.”
The lump didn’t move for a few minutes, and finally a sleepy face with raccoon eyes haloed by wild pink hair appeared and gawked up at him.
It took a moment for Sakura to figure out who was calling her name, then she wondered why the Rokudaime was in her bedroom.
“What are you doing here? Did something happen?” Sakura mumbled, pulling the blanket further down from her head to get a better look at Kakashi who was still dressed in his rumpled clothing from the day before. His hair was stuck out in all directions from the lack of the hitai-ate holding it back. She glanced past him and realized that everything looked unfamiliar. Her bookcase and flowers were nowhere to be found and there was a distinct lack of everything.
Just like a bachelor’s house. “Oh, this isn’t my apartment.”
“Yeah, last night was sort of wild,” he explained sheepishly, running a hand through his bedhead. “Sorry about that.”
“Remind me to never drink like that again,” Sakura groaned, sitting up and pressing a hand to her aching head.
“We need food If your head feels anything like mine. And caffeine. I won’t last thirty minutes if I start my day without having coffee first.”
“I told myself the same, but when I looked in your cabinets and fridge last night you know what I found? Dust and a lone shriveled up eggplant that’s drier than the inside of Tsunade’s purse.”
Kakashi had the grace to look embarrassed, but Sakura gave him an out.
“I went to the market yesterday morning,” she explained, untangling herself from the blanket and folding it into a neat pile. “Something told me I would need a post-birthday celebration breakfast. Come by my apartment in an hour or so. An hour, Kakashi. That means if your food gets cold, you’ll only have yourself to blame.”
“Okay, okay,” he acceded, holding up both hands. “Ah, before you go you might want to…” he trailed off, floundering for words. “My bathroom is that way.”
Sakura frowned as she followed his finger, and rushed to see what Kakashi was talking about.
“Of course,” she grimaced, rubbing at the smudged mascara beneath her eyes. When it refused to budge, she gave up.
It was still early enough for Sakura to slip from Kakashi’s apartment while going unnoticed by anyone. The walk home was just as uneventful. A rushed shower and change of clothes worked wonders, and she quickly made breakfast. She was mildly shocked when Kakashi was on time. Apparently, he saw the merits of eating hot freshly prepared food.
“Did you at least enjoy your birthday?” asked Kakashi in between bites.
“The headache, not so much,” she replied with a slight groan. “Everything else was great though. It was nice to actually spend time with my friends. We barely see one another these days and when we do, it’s for five minutes at a time. Though considering there was a time when I seriously wondered if I’d make it to the next birthday, I’m not complaining.”
“Ah, I understand that all too well.”
“I know you have even less time than all of us, but I was glad to see you.”
“It’s important to make time for friends.”
“Don’t forget the free drinks.”
Kakashi didn’t attempt to look unrepentant. “You got me there.”
“I didn’t think you would come but I’m glad you did.”
“Me too.”
Sakura wasn’t surprised when Kakashi didn’t linger after breakfast, but he was apologetic for having to make a hasty departure. She told him it was fine since no one else could claim the Hokage personally joined them for a post-birthday breakfast. Kakashi confirmed that she was correct and said he’d see her later before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.
“Well, that was…odd,” she murmured when she stood alone. Yet for some undecipherable reason, she felt somewhat giddy.
The second time Sakura called Kakashi by name sans honorific, it had been her turn to get knee-walking drunk.
Being a medic left little time for anything besides work. It didn’t take long for Sakura to become overworked and burnt out, and her already notorious temper soon grew an even shorter fuse.
It didn’t matter how many times she told herself it wasn’t her fault. Tsunade had told her the same thing; it couldn’t be helped. But still, the young patient who died on her watch had been an unbearable blow, and made worse when she had to break the news to his family.
It was obvious that Sakura needed a break and Tsunade gave her a few days off, telling her to clear her head and come back to work once she had her shit together. The first thing Sakura did that evening was make way to the izakaya where she’d celebrated her birthday. The first few cups of sake tasted of acrid rubbing alcohol, but by the fourth one she couldn’t taste anything. What made it worth it was the warmth in her chest and belly that almost completely melted the block of ice that had been there since the afternoon.
“Yo, Sakura.”
Sakura turned to her left to find her favorite masked man; nose buried in one of his Icha Icha books as though it was the norm to be reading at a bar. Her drunk brain had no filter and it didn’t dawn on her that she was happy by the sight of Kakashi. Her drunk brain also refused to cooperate with the rest of her body because when she tried to say hello, her numb lips refused to move.
“Come on, time to go home.”
Sakura didn’t protest as Kakashi closed his book with a loud snap, deposited it into his back pouch and helped her up. He kept an arm around her as they walked outside, nudging just enough to allow her weight to settle into his side. The air marginally helped to clear some of Sakura’s brain fog, but multiple cups of sake won and standing upright made everything tilt on an axis.
“Dammit,” Sakura slurred, wishing she could close her eyes and go to sleep right there. “’S too far."
“No worries, we’ll take a shortcut,” Kakashi replied breezily.
One moment, they were standing on a darkened street and the next, they were inside her genkan. Sakura had to hug the wall while Kakashi bent to remove her shoes, and she closed her eyes for a moment while he slipped out of his. Then for a brief moment she thought she was falling when the floor was no longer beneath her feet but realized through a drunken haze that Kakashi had picked her up and carried her to the sofa.
She could hear the faint rustling of him opening cabinet doors in her kitchen, followed by the sound of something being poured. Sakura dozed off for a moment with her face pressed against the sofa arm, and awoke to the close sound of Kakashi’s voice.
“Bad day?” he asked, sitting next to her and handing over a glass of water.
“The absolute worse,” she murmured, ungracefully using both hands to bring the glass to her mouth like a toddler with a sippy cup.
“You can cry if you need to. Or not.”
“I will but I…” she trailed off, doggedly wiping her chin dry from the water that missed her mouth. Sakura then took a few deep breaths while staring unfocusedly across the room. “I think I need to vomit first.”
Within a split second, Kakashi removed the glass from her hands, hauled her off the sofa and into the bathroom. He thought nothing of holding back her hair while she emptied her stomach of a half-eaten dinner, a glass of water and sake remnants. Once she was done Sakura rinsed her mouth, courtesy of her former sensei pushing a small cup of mouthwash into her hand.
“Better?” he asked as she clung to the sink and drew in several gulps of air.
You look like shit, she told herself after catching a glimpse of her reflection, grimacing at her sweaty forehead and ghostly complexion.
“Yeah, I think so.”
Sakura took the hand offered and stood up, finding that she was somewhat steadier on her feet. She remained in a daze as they walked back to the living room, and there was a moment of silence before Sakura found herself breaking down completely and sobbing into Kakashi’s shirt.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffled, feeling like an inept child when Kakashi’s hand came down upon her head. “I know I shouldn’t be crying but I can’t help it. I’m exhausted and can’t tell you the last time I had a proper sleep, and I know patients dying is a part of my job but it’s that much worse when it’s a child.”
“Who said you shouldn’t cry?”
“Everyone since the age of twelve. Actually, before that.”
“Sakura, did you do your absolute best? Did you do everything within your power to help your patient?”
She nodded.
“Then you did your job. You’re allowed to mourn the loss of life.”
Just don’t remain stuck in the past like I have, were his unspoken words, but Kakashi decided to save that for when Sakura wasn’t drunk and in tears.
Her tears finally tapered off, only to be replaced by a fit of double breathing. Any other time Sakura would have been embarrassed to display such a fit of emotions in front of another person. Currently the only thing she could focus on was the calming sensation of Kakashi’s hand rubbing her back as he instructed her to inhale and exhale properly.
By now she was practically in his lap, both legs dangled over his thigh with her head resting against his shoulder. As she sat there, she thought back to the Chuunin exams when she wanted to go comfort Rock Lee after he’d lost. Kakashi warned her against well-intentioned sentiments, stating they sometimes made a situation worse. At the time she didn’t understand how something that was meant to help could do the opposite but not long after she understood. Right now, Sakura was thankful that Kakashi wasn’t the sort to offer placations. They were hollow words and did nothing except put the receiver in an uncomfortable position of having to offer more empty placations in return.
The only thing she wanted to do right now was sit in silence, unwilling to deal with her own thoughts or even the sound of her voice.
Kakashi made it easy; he allowed her to cry without judgement and didn’t try to start an awkward conversation once she calmed down.
“Sorry I’m so bad at this,” he murmured, reaching for something behind her.
“At what?” Sakura asking, taking what she now saw was a tissue from Kakashi’s hand.
“At comforting others. I’ve never really been good at it.”
She glanced behind her to see her box of tissues with its plush kitty cover. She’d never noticed Kakashi bringing it to the sofa. “You’re better at it than you realize,” she said quietly, turning back to him.
A hand touched her head and guided it back to his shoulder. Just then Sakura realized that somewhere along the way, Kakashi had removed his vest which left her pressed against his firm chest and torso.
Sakura’s overstuffed bookcase stood across from the sofa, and she found herself dazedly staring at it. Usually by this point in her evening, she’d be in front of said bookcase perusing its contents to pick out something to read until she grew sleepy. Getting plastered wasn’t a typical thing for her to do during the week, especially after work. And while she could have used chakra to purify her blood, it would have defeated the purpose of drinking in the first place.
The edges of her bookcase grew fuzzy as her eyelids began to feel heavy. Only then did it occur to her that Kakashi wasn’t a touchy-feely sort of person; the most he would give was a head or shoulder pat. Tonight he’d thought nothing of pulling her into his arms and allowing her to cry all over him and soak his dark blue shirt with tears. Sakura reasoned that she ought to feel awkward yet was surprised to find that she felt secure.
Training to become a kunoichi had been a harsh reminder that no certainties existed in the world. Others could claim to protect a person but it did not mean that they would succeed, no matter how hard they tried. Bad things happened whether one wanted them to or not.
Despite knowing all the above, Sakura allowed herself to bask in the safety of her friend’s arms, and it wasn’t long before she fell asleep.
When she woke up the next morning, she found herself neatly tucked into bed. She blinked slowly, trying to remember the events of the previous night.
“Dammit,” Sakura groaned under her breath when flashes of her evening came back. Then she sat up in bed and immediately noticed the fierce pounding at the back of her skull. “Dammit!”
“Sakura, what’s wrong?”
Sakura looked up to see Kakashi standing in her bedroom doorway, a slight crease between his silver brows.
“Oh, so that wasn’t a dream?” she muttered, burying her face in both hands. “I really did puke and get snot all over your shirt while drunkenly crying my eyes out? Well, that’s mortifying.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. By the way I made you breakfast. Sorry that it’s not fancy.”
“I don’t think the chef is the person who’s meant to be apologizing,” Sakura pointed out, pushing back her blankets and standing up. “If not for you I’d likely be having nothing but tea. Remind me to never drink like that again.”
“Will do. I made omurice, but I used the last of your eggs,” he said bashfully, one hand at the back of his head. “You had just enough ingredients for it. I skipped the soup though; you don’t want tofu with a hangover.”
By now Sakura had followed Kakashi into her living room. He’d already set out their meal on her chabudai and she was so happy to not have to cook that she could have kissed him. But then she noticed the ketchup henohenomoheji decorating her egg and she broke into a fit of laughter.
“That’s great,” she gasped, wiping her damp eyes on her sleeve. “I almost don’t want to ruin it. But I’m starving so I will.”
Kakashi looked pleased by her mirth and Sakura had to pretend she didn’t notice him bashfully looking down at his own plate.
“Please tell me you didn’t stay the night and sleep on my sofa,” Sakura said after taking a sip of tea. “Not that I don’t want you here but if you did, I owe you a massage. It’s too soft after a while.”
“I didn’t want to leave you for very long but I assure you, I slept comfortably in my own bed. I just made sure to come back early enough before you woke up.”
The sappy look on Sakura’s face was glaringly obvious and Kakashi blushed as she quietly thanked him.
“Say, I didn’t know you had a cat,” he told her, quickly changing the subject after swallowing a mouthful.
Sakura still had no idea how she and Kakashi could share a meal and she had yet to notice the man moving his mask for each bite. He made sure to be quick each time and in turn, she made sure to keep her eyes averted. It was an unspoken agreement between them that worked thus far.
“A cat? I don’t have a—oh! You mean Ebi-san.”
“Ebi-san?”
“Yeah, I named him that because he climbed through my window one day when I had shrimp for dinner. He wouldn’t stop fussing until I shared with him. He comes by just about every day, so I started buying cat food.”
“I see. Are you big into feeding strays?”
“Cats? Yes. People… well, you’re the only one.”
Kakashi pretended to be hurt. “You wound me, Sakura. Ebi-san is a smart cat; apparently he knows where you keep his food because he led me right to the container and wouldn’t move or stop meowing until he was fed.”
“Yeah, he’s smart. Too smart, if you ask me. And he has expensive taste. The little brat would have me spend my entire salary on shrimp for him.”
“Hmm, I wonder if there’s a jutsu that turns one into a cat.”
“Try it and you’ll be eating kibble alongside with Ebi-san,” Sakura threatened with a smile.
At mention of the cat, a chunky striped tabby sauntered in their direction and walked beneath the chabudai as though no one was sitting there.
“Hey, Ebi-san. My feet aren’t your seat,” Kakashi lightly chastised, peering under the table to look at the cat who was comfortably settled against him.
“Cats do what they want, Kakashi. I thought you knew that?”
“I haven’t been around many cats,” he replied, opting to let Ebi-san stay on his feet and focusing back on breakfast. “They were part of my motivation to quickly graduate from my genin status; getting scratched on a cat-catching mission was one times too many.”
“Really? That’s surprising considering you have a lot of traits in common with cats.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. You like to take naps and are fond of free food. You both don’t want anyone touching you unless it’s on your terms and even then, it’s questionable. Then there’s the issue of hiding when someone is looking for you yet turning up at the oddest moments.”
“Don’t ever repeat any of that to Pakkun. I’d never hear the end of it.”
“Honestly, I’m almost surprised you don’t have a contract with a pack of ninja cats. Although cats aren’t really great at taking orders, so it’s probably better that you used dogs instead.”
“My ninken have had their moments of not listening.”
Sakura gave an exaggerated gasp. “Really? They didn’t want to listen to you? I’m shocked.”
“Pakkun was the instigator although it was to be expected; we had a busy month and I sent them all on lots of errands.”
“I hope you made it up to them.”
“I did. I gave them all steak and they still complained. I can’t win with them.”
Sakura laughed as she began stacking their now empty plates.
“I can wash those,” Kakashi told her, reaching over to take the stack but Sakura gently pushed his hand away.
“I’ve got it,” she told him. “You cooked so I can clean.”
“Well, I guess I’ll go,” Kakashi sighed, looking as though he didn’t want to move. “Eating breakfast here was definitely preferable to eating with a pile of scrolls for company. Even if I had a cat using me as a pillow. Speaking of which, Ebi-san, I need my legs.” When the cat didn’t move, Kakashi carefully scooted back to reveal the tabby now curled up and napping atop his crossed legs. A few prods did nothing to wake the feline, and Kakashi sighed as he moved the cat from his legs and placed him on the floor. Ebi-san remained asleep the entire time.
“Thanks again for everything,” Sakura told Kakashi as he waved before disappearing with a cloud of smoke.