Chapter Text
It wasn't often these two got to collide anymore, but when they had their usual fortnightly meeting, it was like an explosion of fireworks. It never got old. An addictive fire of physical passion burning between the two kept them coming back for more.
The hotel room was hot and heavy, with lustful breaths and pleasured moans. The small irken suddenly shoved the much taller human flat on his back down on the bed, lithe clawed hands pressed against his lover's chest. Zim kept the human down as he bounced his hips faster, as though he were trying to break the man. The old bed creaked and groaned under the activity, almost completely drowned out by the irken's clicks and chirps.
Dib, for his part, adored and was rejuvenated by these short episodes with the one and only rogue irken, despite the alien's stubborn refusal to join the Resisty along with his human maybe-mate. But it had worked so far, right? They were active, busy people, both hot enough to pick up temporary relationships between their meetings. But Zim was the most important person in Dib's life, and it was almost certainly the same the other way around. They just had their... ethical conflicts to consider.
It made their dirty talk a little strange.
"So, who all have you been fucking while I've been busy saving the galaxy, spaceboy? What kind of interstellar trash have you tried to stave off your addiction to my cock with? They'll never matter; they don't know you like I do."
For all that he was the one pinned to the bed and being shredded with claws, the former paranormal investigator knew he held the real power here. And if an emotional low blow earned him a bit of a physical reminder of what happens when he pisses Zim off? Well, it was a good thing he was a masochist. Loved to be marked just as much as he was furious how no mark of his own would stay on green skin.
Perhaps surprisingly, however, there was no anger, no furrowing of the brows, no glower. Instead, the question made Zim laugh. A rather smug chuckle, at that, despite the breathiness.
"You... have no idea what you are talking about, Dib-worm," Zim purred, absolutely sultry. "I have been in the presence of royalty... Of utmost power. Fitting for someone like me, of course... While you continue to run around with your band of misfit pirates. Mm, and this one may actually rival you... Especially if you continue with these weak thrusts."
Hmm. That didn't sound like Zim's usual roll-arounds with equally chaotic space criminals. Dib was almost intimidated, flipping them both over and redoubling the force behind his hips.
"Yeah? You know the other pieces of space trash you meet are lying about being secret bluebloods, right? Did a particularly rich slaver trick you into bed with diamonds and chocolate? The minute you get comfortable, you end up in a chained harem. And I have to bust you out again. Good thing you have a freedom fighter on call to care what happens to you, Mr. Rogue Roach!"
Zim gasped and sighed a pleased groan at the change of pace, sinking into the plush blankets. The little smirk never left his face.
"Ohh, but this one is not lying, stink-beast..." Zim lilted, gazing up at Dib through half-lidded eyes. But there was something else there, along with the smugness. Whoever this person was that Zim was talking about, he was clearly very starstruck by them.
"I grew up with him, and I know everything about him. And he's finally noticed me."
More concern gathered in the back of Dib's mind, not that mid- hate-fuck was the place to express it. Zim grew up with very few people, much less living ones he remembered. And all irkens. A powerful irken his lifelong hate mate had known longer...
"Bastard. You'd let those tall fucks near you, after all they've done? Which?"
If this was real and not some form of exaggerated braggadocio...
Zim let out a huff of breath, still relatively unbothered by Dib's protests. "Ah... What does it matter? Past squabbles mean nothing, as you of all people should know. Tallest Red treats me well now..."
Vision going red in a cruel irony, Dib spends the next hour fucking Zim breathless with enough force to visibly bruise, much to the irken's poorly-hidden delight. Only after they are all fucked out and the human feels his lover crawling out of bed does Dib allocate enough brainpower to ask questions.
"Wait, Zim, what? You're seeing the literal ruler of the Empire while in exile, and you didn't think to tell me until NOW?! Give me some fucking backstory here; you know this is something that needs to be talked about!"
Zim picked up his shiny black leggings from off the floor and began to tug them back on sorely. He made a scoffing sound, antennae flattening behind his head.
"What is the big deal? You cannot make rules for me. You are seeing Lard Nar, the lowly vortian captain of the dumb Resisty, as it is so eloquently named. At least my Tallest have some dignity," Zim bragged, leggings pulled up and snapping around his hips.
A frustrated groan as the human turns over on the bed, fresh new bio-dick soft now and joints sore from their brief collision.
"I'm not telling you what to do; I'm asking questions! Don't just fuckin leave on this, Zim. Nar and I are a thing, sure, but-"
Dib is too late; the irken is dressed and crisply limping out the door.
Fucking bug. The Resisty agent pulls out his comms unit, booting it up despite having another six hours of shore leave before he has to report in.
<<hey, Nar? Zim update too big to speak of on an only partially-secure line. be in your office when I get back on board>>
He was so getting demoted. And dumped. The aging human takes a shower and gets ready to grovel.
Captain Lard Nar was a very busy person. It was hard work keeping this growing resistance organized together and keeping the morale boosted, as they were up against a very tough opponent. Some would say the goal of the Resisty was an impossible task, so it was even more important to Lard Nar to prove them wrong. He had to ensure they got at least small victories every so often on the way to getting their invaded planets back.
It was hard to say that Lard Nar was ever 'off duty.' There was always something going on that he had to deal with. So when he did indulge in some free time, he indulged. When he was left to his own devices, able to feel free from responsibility for a little while, he had very little self-control over how much he drank, for one thing. Another thing was how he would sleep with a great many different people, not taking many precautions.
Lately, however, he'd narrowed it down to mostly just one person. Dib, the human from distant Earth. Their relationship had started as another fling for both of them, but then their friendship grew, their respect for each other on the job grew, and before they knew it, Dib was staying in Lard Nar's room overnight most days.
Lard Nar was uneasy with Dib's involvement with Zim, but he let it slide because that irken was a special case. Exiled from the Empire. So Lard Nar didn't really have to question Dib's loyalties. And Lard Nar was aware of how far back Dib and Zim's history together went. He couldn't take that meaningful connection away from the human.
The vortian walked down one of the many hallways of the main base ship, with a small crew marching along behind him. He was on his tablet, taking notes, sending messages, scheduling meetings, as well as talking out loud about the tasks that needed to be done to the people who were with him. That's when the message from Dib popped up. He paused, letting out a small sigh. 'Zim updates' were usually a bad thing, and it made the anxiety knot in his chest even tighter. Still, he began immediately rearranging some meetings and scheduling to be able to be in his office by the time the human returned. Dib wouldn't be telling him to do this if it wasn't important.
The now-surprisingly-senior Resisty agent (ten Earth years wasn't very long for most civilized species) tumbled the new information he had learned on leave over and over in his mind, only ever able to partially grasp it.
Zim, his former foe and the most important person in his life, was fucking one of his former leaders. The slightly kinder one, at least. The more competent of the two, but a secret Defective. Not that it stopped Red from running the Empire the same way it had always been run. This was such a mess. He'd been getting ready to propose to Zim. Immediately after the irken finally joined the resistance, which by all appearances, he was getting less and less hesitant to work with.
But now this. In full uniform with his hair and scraggly beard carefully groomed into military shape for once, he delicately knocked on his friend and captain's office door, completely unsure as to what would happen.
Lard Nar had practically just been able to sit down as Dib knocked at the door. He pressed the button on his desk that would slide that door open. When he saw Dib standing there, he took a breath and looked up at the ceiling, exasperated.
"Oh, stars. You look really nice, and you're all in uniform. Something awful happened. Am I wrong?"
"You're not wrong, sir. Let me in and put the advanced scramblers on?"
It could not get out to either the crew or the Empire that their respective leaders were metamours now.
Stepping inside and crisply sitting down but carefully not speaking, Dib maintained a somber military at-ease despite the guilt in his eyes. He had fucked up. Or, well, Zim had. And now Dib had dragged Nar into it.
Lard Nar looked at Dib again, brows furrowed out of concern. "Okay... Alright." He closed the office door with another hit of that button and made sure all the scramblers were on with a few more clicks of his claws on the desk.
He took a deep breath. "Okay. I'll ask, then. What happened with Zim today?"
"First off, I'd like to immediately recommend Zim be downgraded from questionable potential ally to Person-of-Interest, loyalties unknown. Second, I'm sorry I couldn't capture him for questioning, but, well, he left in a hurry while I was... indisposed, and my own allegiances are muddy regarding him. Thirdly, I ask that I not be involved if this becomes... tactically relevant. I would snitch."
Frowning deeply, the human can no longer maintain eye contact.
"What are you talking about? You had better spit it out before I have an aneurism," Lard Nar was getting more and more worked up already. He knew this Zim guy would be bad for Dib. He was irken, for fuck's sake! Irkens were always bad news.
Wincing, Dib let the bomb detonate in this controlled environment, growing angry the longer he spoke.
"Zim has become sexually involved with Tallest Red; I do not know to what degree. He's firmly neutral politically, but I suspect he is attempting to undo his exile. Which won't work. Because the Tallests are already mated to each other. I was this close to fucking proposing, and he drops this!"
Lard Nar's mouth dropped open, and he slowly rested his elbow on the table, covering his mouth with his hand. His eyes trailed away from Dib and stared down at the desk, a hollow gaze.
Finally, he could speak again, letting his hand slam down on the desk. "You said he was close to joining us. Not trying to... I don't know, REDEEM himself to the Empire instead?! That's what you told me. He was going to join the Resisty, and then you would propose. So what the fuck is this? I knew he was bad news, Dib! I knew it; what did I tell you? Of course he was going to betray us. Of course. So did you break it off with him, then? Tell me you did."
"He broke Prisoner 777 out of Moo-Ping! He wouldn't have done that even one standard cycle ago! I thought... especially since he boned Sev JUST TO MAKE ME MAD! That's the way he shows things! He's an awful little chaos gremlin, but he cares! I didn't have TIME to break it off; I asked for a responsible adult conversation, but he skipped out while I was still winded. I HATE when he pulls this shit!"
Fully ranting, Dib is violently choking the air in front of him, as if he can somehow summon Zim with rage alone. This is not a good day anymore.
Lard Nar groaned, smacking a hand to his forehead and slowly dragging it down his face.
"Dib, I have so much other shit to take care of. I can't deal with this. Zim is your project, and I let it happen. But if he truly is trying to fuck his way back into the Empire... He. Is. Our. Enemy. How do you expect to do your job, sleeping with the enemy? How do you expect me to trust you to do your job?"
The human only becomes more distraught.
"I am extremely not sleeping with him anymore! I am asking for your advice on what to do in this tactically complex situation! And I KNOW it will all go to shit again like it does EVERY time Zim tries to weasel his way back into the fascist roach race, and he'll be sorry, and I'll save his miserable life! PLEASE reassign me to another sector and put Zim on the shoot to maim list again; I am BEGGING you."
Dib looks like a broken, broken man.
Lard Nar took one look at Dib's miserable face and softened up a bit. He let out a breath and settled back in his seat. He began writing something down on his tablet. "I'll be reassigning you. But Dib..."
He frowned, putting his stylus down. "How many chances are you going to give him? Every time he hurts you, it hurts me, too. I can't stand to see you like this. ...You shouldn't have to save him all the time."
Dwelling silently on that statement for a long minute, the human... thinks. Really thinks about it. What would life be like, entirely without Zim?
"... I know. This is probably the second real strike in the fifteen years we've been actively involved. The third, if I want to count shit from when we were still fighting. But this doesn't feel like where I want things to end."
A wry smile. Dib is deeply saddened but just faintly amused.
"That's a human saying. 'Three strikes and you're out.' But I want the actual bygones to be bygones."
"This is the very last one, though. I'm letting Zim know that. Sure, he can fuck around and find out all he wants, but he can't expect me to be there again and again if he won't choose."
Lard Nar watched Dib closely, sympathetic and solemn.
"Exactly... I know it's hard to end it. You've been in each others' lives for a long time. But you need to do what's best for you. And your job. The Resisty needs you. I..." he coughed, clearing his throat, and averting his eyes. "...And I need you. I never wanted to force you to choose... But unless Zim genuinely joins us, he is a danger to you and us all."
Lard Nar was right. Entirely and inarguably right, and for once, Dib didn't have his overwhelming obsession overpowering his common sense. Zim was dangerous and always would be.
But he needed just a little bit longer.
"You're right. I just... can I see him the one last time? Try and convince him, and if I can't, I'll... do what needs to be done. He left before I could dump him, so he'll be expecting me in a fortnight again. Let me talk to him then, and whatever happens, happens. The Empire can suck shit; if he chooses wrong, so can Zim."
A concession, an acceptance, but one with a caveat. Let the human try the impossible one last time.
The vortian remained silent for a moment but eventually nodded. "...Yes. You should be able to have closure. Talk to Zim one more time. And if you still can't convince him... That's it. He can't keep stringing you along. You can't keep clinging to him."
Dib nods.
"I know. Either I come back with him, or I come back dead. Thank you, Nar. I'll find something to do until the off-shift."
That something may just be filling out the PoI report on Zim that needs to be written now, but it is that or something worse.
Lard Nar shook his head, sighing softly. He didn't want Dib to die over this. But... he'd always known that Zim was most important to the human. Not him.
"I need to get back to work," Lard Nar got on his tablet again. "I'll see you tonight."
But it was going to be a very late night. Lard Nar found himself procrastinating going to bed, still in his office, still working on things that could wait, but not wanting to wait. If he stopped, then he would have to think about other things. He'd have to go to his room and face Dib again. He'd rather focus on work.
Dib did much the same, throwing himself into an in-depth report on Zim's history, psychological profile, and connections. But it got... difficult when he neared the practical.
Elimination methods. Weak points. Things he knew but didn't want to share.
He wanted things to work out. But the human was too smart to expect it.
An extended trip to the mess hall for an early meal that trails late, and he spends the off-shift waiting for Lard Nar in the captain's quarters.
Waiting for a good deal longer than even the usual.
It was well into their night cycle when Lard Nar finally returned to the room. He took his outer layers off, letting them just fall to the floor. He put his work stuff down on the table. He headed to his room to get changed, trying to be quiet in case Dib was asleep. But deep down, he knew the human wouldn't be.
Dib was reading in bed wearing simple pajamas, just a pair of boxer briefs and warm socks. He'd stopped being self-conscious about his top scars nearly as soon as he'd joined the greater galaxy, and now with the space-age bottom surgery Earth simply wasn't good enough to have, he felt complete. Physically whole, if not emotionally at the moment.
But maybe that could be fixed. With a soft smile and a dorky little wave, the human greeted the captain, muting his comms device, removing it from his arm, and placing it on the bedside table.
"Hi, Nar," said the former paranormal investigator, feeling very old despite his only 33 years of life. "Need any tiring out?"
He knew the vortian wouldn't be interested. But he felt the need to ask.
Better to be useful for something than nothing. Better acclimatize himself to what would be the peak of physical intimacy once Zim was... not something he could look forward to every few weeks.
No fireworks, just the simple comfort of a dear friend.
That was enough, wasn't it?
Lard Nar was getting undressed and changing into his own pajamas; A long nightshirt and shorts. He wasn't looking at Dib very much but forced himself to smile a little.
"I am already very tired, working overtime... But thanks..." he replied quietly, and the smile fell pretty quickly.
He slid into bed beside the human and got settled, laying on his back. He was silent as he did so.
Well. That was... it almost hurt Dib worse, how polite Nar was about it. He couldn't get angry, not without being clearly in the wrong. Dib was tired of being in the wrong; he couldn't be if he wanted to keep the only real in-person bond he had left.
"Right," sighed the human, turning onto his side, removing his glasses, and placing them with his comms unit. He snuggled up under the sheets, feeling cold in a way that had nothing to do with the temperature regulator.
Maybe he'd spent a little too long since visiting his friends in the barracks. Couldn't forget the little people just because he'd worked his way to the top.
He'd sleep alone tonight despite his vortian lover being right there.
Lard Nar was similarly polite but distant for the rest of the week. He buried himself in his work and therefore was too exhausted to spend actual time with Dib during the off-hours. When he did have the free time, he'd sneak off to go drink instead of seeing Dib. It was the other thing he could count on to take the edge off. To reduce anxiety. Because how could Dib lessen his nerves and fears when the human himself was the one causing it?
The human, in return, buried himself in his own vices. Rampant man-thottery, for one. He'd 'work' the mornings, doing personal tech support in the barracks and letting it slip he was physically available... and the afternoons cruising for any soldier looking for some sexual stress relief. Provide it as long as he didn't have to catch. Anal was for other people, in his biased opinion. Didn't compare to actual genitalia for return on sensation.
He was back to the captain's quarters by the time the vortian returned each evening and would cheerfully explain his recent exploits with the lower ranks if asked.
He wasn't. One particularly gloomy evening, Dib ate the hefty charge for a human-detectable signal buoy out to the Sol system and messaged his sister.
<<hi gaz. i'll have missed your birthday by a couple of days once the spatial relativity evens out, but I promise i'm sending this the day of; am wishing you the best. how goes Earth things? the company? this buoy will only last a month, so catch up with me once you can>>
It would take a while to get a response... if Gaz decided to respond, even.
In the meantime, the night after that gloomy evening, marking the end of the week, the door to Lard Nar's quarters slammed open, and the vortian stumbled inside, looking slightly disheveled. He'd definitely been drinking again. He kicked the door closed and headed for his bedroom.
"... Dib?" he called out hesitantly, eyes scanning the room for the human.
The scruffy disaster of a senior Resisty agent startles a little from how intently he'd been staring at his comms, but he greeted his captain with a burst of slightly-bruised enthusiasm. Hope, almost.
"Nar! Hey, man. You're back..." Dib wasn't sure if he got to be any closer than a friend at the moment, but the former paranormal investigator missed his probably-now-only partner, and not just in the platonic sense. He might have been having plenty of meaningless daytime sex, but not so much as a damn hug. No closeness.
Dressed again in undies and socks, he would about kill just to hold the vortian. The scythe-haired human set his device aside with a tentative half-smile.
Lard Nar stared at Dib in his bed with a quivering lip for a moment, then rushed forward to join him in bed, still in his day clothes. He didn't care. He just needed to be close to the human now.
He pressed close to Dib's side and wrapped his arms around him. He sniffled. "You know… You scare the shit out of me sometimes... Every time you go out to see Zim... I always wonder if he's going to kill you. I wonder if I'll see you again after those meetings. ...I don't want you to die. You mean too much."
That wibble put the human right on edge, but they'd stuffed enough therapy in him on Earth that he knew to address his dear friend and partner's emotional crisis before Dib went and had his own.
"Nar, shh, nobody's going to kill me without me killing them first. It'll... just once more, and it'll be decided for good. We both might die any day. On missions, from disease, even the ship could blow up any minute. I'm here. I've got you, alright?"
Holding the shorter, fuzzier alien in his arms, Dib was just a single mid-level Resisty agent. But he alone could keep the captain calm right now, and he wasn't doing the best job with his words.
Cautiously, giving Lard Nar plenty of time to protest or pull away, he initiated a slow, tongueless kiss.
To Lard Nar's intoxicated mind, Dib's reminder that either of them could die at any moment because of what they were doing just made him feel like he was running out of time. And he was wasting it by avoiding Dib. By working all the time and not enjoying himself. He wanted to enjoy himself. He wanted to be selfish for once and just be happy for a moment. He wanted to be with Dib for a while. Before Dib went off to see Zim one last time and maybe never come back. Who knows, maybe Dib would just run off with the irken?
But right now, Dib was here. Dib was with him. And... Dib was kissing him. Dib was kissing him? Lard Nar's eyes widened in slow realization before gently closing, and he pressed closer into the kiss. He kept it soft for now, albeit a little clumsy and uncoordinated. But the captain was not pulling away, for once. He steadily kissed him deeper and straddled Dib's lap. His arms rested around Dib's shoulders comfortably.
Dib could taste the liquor on the vortian's breath but couldn't say anything. He'd been indulging in his own vices just hours before. But he could be here for his friend and partner, and he would.
Kissing deeply despite the sharpness of Lard Nar's teeth, the human kept it gentle, letting the captain make any course corrections he saw fit. But it was nice, sitting here on the bed in the dark, skin to fur with someone who actually matters.
After a short pause in breathing, Dib let one hand fall from Nar's waist to his ass, gently brushing the fluffy little tail.
Lard Nar sighed deeply to catch his breath between kissing, face heating up when he felt fingers brush his tail, which twitched in response.
"I just want your hands on me..." Lard Nar whispered before diving in for more hot and heavy making out. He ended up lightly nicking Dib's lower lip with a sharp tooth, but the vortian sucked up the small amount of blood.
Humming softly in an almost-purr until the shallow nick made him gasp, Dib could very much provide, large human hands gripping the swell of the shorter goat-man's bubbly, muscled butt. Creeping up to touch between his shoulder blades, so clearly without a PAK.
That wasn't a bad thing, just different. Different didn't mean any less.
"I've missed you, Nar. All the idiot grunts don't have a single tender bone in their bodies, and I wouldn't want to meet it if they did. What can I do for you now, captain?"
The human's voice was low and aroused, but moreso just lonely.
Lard Nar surprised even himself with the soft laugh he let out as Dib pulled back to speak about the Resisty grunts. Well, it was nice to know they couldn't compare to him.
The vortian leaned forward and bumped his forehead gently against Dib's shoulder, the head bump a common gesture for vortians to show great affection.
"I've missed you, too... I kept myself away... Dunno what I was thinking... But I want you. I want you... I want to feel good... And for you to feel good..." Lard Nar drawled, looking up into Dib's eyes from behind his green goggles.
Smiling down at the sharp-toothed caprine seducer, Dib moves one hand to the small of the vortian's back, the other between Nar's shoulders.
"I love you, starlight. I love that nothing is keeping you from being you. I want to tear it off of him and set him free. Maybe I will. Maybe that's how it ends."
Smile still on his face, but paler and wistful, the human gently tugs at the captain's jumpsuit in polite request and suggestion.
The gray vortian let out a shaking breath at the nickname, the 'I love you' that they didn't often actually say... He didn't immediately make the connection on who 'he' was that Dib spoke of, but then Dib was tugging at his clothes. It didn't matter. No one else was here. It was just them for now.
He unclasped his jumpsuit and pulled a few zippers, shedding his clothes until he was bare. Then, he was peeling Dib's boxers off so they could be fully skin-to-fur.
They kissed more, slow and deep, before Dib leaned back onto the bed, finding the lube and carefully slicking them both up before going slow and deep again. It was a lovely evening, ending with them snuggling chest-to-chest under the covers.
But the false day came again too soon, the captain rushing off to do important captain-y things and the human feeling too emotional to go sleep with near-strangers.
Fortunately, his sister had finally gotten back to him.
<<Earth things suck, as you obviously know, because you decided to bounce on out of here. The company is still running; no thanks to you, but it also sucks. Everything kind of sucks, and frankly, I find it weird and suspicious to see a message from you now after seven years of nothing. You want something, don't you? Well, I don't owe you anything. Not after the shit you pulled.>>
Well. That wasn't entirely undeserved; fortunately, Dib was balanced enough from the previous evening to realize this.
<<hi, Gaz. no, you don't owe me anything, and yes, i've been pretty shitty. i'd sent the message wanting to talk because i've screwed things up with Zim and the captain, but Nar and i at least are on speaking terms again. you don't owe me anything, and if you don't want to talk to me, that's fair. love you>>
Dib didn't get a reply until several hours later. But it arrived faster than the previous one.
<<You can't mess things up with Zim because you two are literally obsessed with each other. Whatever it is will pass, and you'll be fine.>>
<<Are you ever going to come back and visit?>>
She didn't return the 'love you' outright, but the blunt reassurance and the question she asked was her way of saying she did care.
Dib almost smiled, knowing Gaz was doing the best she could, emotionally. That sort of thing had always been difficult for her, and maybe always would.
<<that's a nice thought; if things ever calm down for long enough to delegate some responsibility to other people, i'd love to help make first contact. sorry for not writing for so long; i was mad dad had me made legally deceased>>
<<Zim and i recovering would be a nice thought too, but we are fucking one of the heads of the Irken Empire and the official anti-Irk rebellion, respectively, and that seems like a relationship ender. sorry for tmi>>
<<Yeah, well, you left me to deal with dad and everything without even checking up for years, so you have a lot of making things up to me to do. Anyways, gross. But my point still stands. I doubt what Zim's doing will last. He's Zim.>>
<<point taken. are you in a position to start manufacturing those atmospheric filters i mentioned last time? it'd reverse human climate change in 20 years for only a billion upfront. if you promise not to shoot the messenger, i can include some space-only materials you'd have trouble getting in the Sol System and the newest brainwave gaming system for mammals>>
While he didn't comment on Gaz's strange optimism for the Zim situation, it got him thinking about it again. Would Zim maintain the side-relationship if threatened adequately with punitive action? Could he bet on being more important to an irken than their Empire?
In this case, he dared to hope 'maybe.'
<<You're on>> Gaz responded, and the following few messages were the two siblings planning and negotiating said project. Gaz, for one, was glad to be moving on from the topic of who was fucking who.
That evening, Lard Nar came back to the room. This time, not as late as he had been. He had pretty deep lines under his eyes, however. It had been a long day, and he still had a headache.
Much less hurt now that he'd been reassured he was still wanted, Dib didn't even offer up his sexual services. The human simply smiled and waved, asking gentle questions about his partner's day in a soft voice.
"Hi, Nar. Good to see you. Get changed into your jammies and tell me the latest. I talked to my sister, but you look too tired for me to go rambling about Earth."
Muting and setting aside his comms, the lower-level Resisty agent lifted the covers, wordlessly offering a bit of a snuggle if the gray goat was interested. No pressure if he wasn't.
Lard Nar gave a small smile; although weak, it was genuine.
"I don't mind hearing about Earth. Talk to me," he insisted, shedding his day clothes and changing into more comfortable pajamas. "I'm so sick of work I don't even want to talk about it."
He crawled under the covers with Dib and pressed against the human, taking the offered snuggles. "And I like hearing your voice.."
Wrapping the vortian in his arms, Dib quietly went on about getting back in touch with Gaz, admitting to his long radio silence in the process. He'd take any admonishments that earned him.
"So after I've apologized and proven I know the absolute basics of not being a shithead, she's obviously tired of reading about my problems, so we bring it back around to Earth. Still there, still ignorant, still a polluted wasteland. I explained the atmo-purifier I was telling her about last time, waaay before we were anything but an especially techy grunt and the dashing captain who'd mistakenly slept with him. She hates relationship updates; I'll fill her in on who you are and why you matter later. So I ensure she understands the plans and has access to the materials to fix Earth. She mentions me coming by for a visit eventually, or else she'll learn to break my kneecaps via interstellar telekinesis."
Rubbing his chin up against the top of Lard Nar's head, gently bonking into his horns on either side, the human looks down upon him fondly.
"Do you have any use for a distant planet full of dumb xenophobic apes? I'd love to make First Contact eventually, but only if it wasn't a waste of time and resources. Our work is too important for me to take an entire solar cycle off to visit my sister for a week."
Lard Nar couldn't help laughing at Dib's dry humor as he explained everything to him. He hummed softly, nuzzling Dib's neck.
"Well... I don't know what xenophobic apes can do for us as a whole. But you should visit your sister sometime.." Lard Nar encouraged. "Make up for your shitty behavior, pardon me for saying so," he grinned at the human. "I'd pilot you there myself. I think it would be kinda nice to see where you grew up. And your sister sounds smart. Maybe at least she can join us."
"We can be surprisingly clever at times! And I know I suck; just because I'm mad Dad had me declared dead is no reason to stop talking to her. Still sucks; I sent him a whole entire handwritten letter with physical photos like six months prior, but he must have not brought it up at the Missing Persons Bureau meeting. Sometimes I swear his ignorance is deliberate ."
Parental issues aside, the two eventually fall asleep, and Dib wakes up to an apologetic note, a pastry, and some lukewarm juice. Sweet of Nar, but now the human has overslept and has nothing official to work on. Best to perform his unofficial duty, then: ship maintenance.
As protocol demands, he keeps his comms unit handy while crawling through the maintenance corridors. Open to the space-net to order some parts, however. Against protocol, that, but it was a good thing he did.
Halfway through his maintenance corridor journey, Dib receives a rather obnoxious message from Zim.
<<MATING A TALLEST ALSO MAKES ME A TALLEST BY EXTENSION IF YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT IT. LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE TO START LISTENING TO ME! I AM BASICALLY ROYALTY. WHAT AN HONOR TO PLEASURE MY TALLEST IN THIS WAY. FINALLY RECOGNIZED FOR MY GREATNESS. ARE WE STILL MEETING THIS WEEKEND IF YOU THINK YOU CAN EVEN COMPARE???>>
Oh, for fucks sake. Sadly, he recognized that non-standard message ping from every other time Zim has piggy-backed his way into Dib's Resisty-issue communication device. There was a reason the human wouldn't take sensitive information except by mouth or by paper.
<<Zim. you know you shouldn't hack your way into MY day job unless you want to find yourself in the path of war. you have five minutes before i pull the plug>>
<<i'll be seeing you one way or another. i'd prefer if it wasn't on a mission to kill, but you're treading on thin ice already>>
<<water BURNS, spaceboy. watch your step>>
It was barely five seconds later when Dib got another response.
<<HA! I LAUGH AT YOUR PITIFUL BELIEF THAT YOU CAN KILL ME! HA HA HA! THAT IS ME LAUGHING! YOU ARE ON, DIB-STINK. SEE YOU SOON>>
<<i've been able to kill you for a long time. i haven't, because i thought you understood. my fault for being wrong, i guess>>
<<i'll be arriving to talk. and only talk. this is your very last chance, zim. be smart with it>>
Sitting down on a power conduit, Dib cuts his connection to both the space- and ship-net, thoroughly scrubbing his comms unit. He'll disassemble it and perform a factory reset later. No need to incriminate himself any further than what was already known.
It was many long, grueling hours of delicate systems repair before Dib remembered that his body had physical needs, grabbing a rations bar out of a vending machine and heading back to the room. It wasn't too far into the off-cycle yet, was it?
He returns late, cobwebs in his hair and beard, to the sight of a concerned captain, already back for once. The human takes a bite of his disgusting condensed calories, mumbling that he has to shower before bed.
Lard Nar frowned at the state his human was in when he arrived, having already been worried about his lateness. He stood up from the bed.
"Would you like me to join you?"
Smiling a weak, fake smile, Dib attempts to sidestep the question.
"I'm disgusting right now, boss. You don't need me ruining your nice fur; if you're feelin' frisky, I can help once I'm clean."
He didn't really much want to but would perform if requested. Not exactly a hardship to fuck a handsome, athletic vortian who should really learn to have better taste, even if the mind is less than interested.
Dib wanted to be useful while he still had time to be. Just not vulnerable; better to be strong for those who will live on.
Fatalism slips into place like the human's long-lost trench coat, a barely-there weight like it had never left.
Lard Nar shook his head, waving his hands reassuringly.
"We don't have to do anything like that... I could just help clean you off if you wish. Or you can be alone. I will respect that. And if you need to talk, I'll be here, love."
Smile still weak but growing more genuine, Dib nonetheless kept things under wraps.
"Thanks, Nar. Think I'm better off scrubbing down alone, but I'll let you know if I slip up and have a thought."
An attempt at a lighthearted joke but truer than it should be. The human wanders into the bathroom, shedding his disgusting jumpsuit and scarfing the rest of his rations bar in one bite.
"Okay," Lard Nar chuckled softly, but his smile faded quickly as Dib disappeared into the bathroom. He wondered if the human's gloomy mood had to do with Zim again. Lard Nar was just… worried. As he often was.
The captain siiiiighed and sank back into bed, pulling the covers tight around him. He listened to the sound of the shower, closing his eyes.
Dib is clean a dozen minutes later, quietly padding barefooted into the room and slipping on a pair of underwear to sleep in. He sets his comms unit on the bedside table, fully turned off and ready to be dis- and re-assembled in the morning.
He doesn't avoid his vortian lover exactly, but back-to-back isn't the greatest way to cuddle.
Tired, he slips into a dreamless sleep.
Lard Nar frowned but remained silent and didn't move to initiate more cuddles. Dib didn't want to talk now, and that was fine. They could talk later...
But the weekend snuck up on them fast, especially with schedules as packed as theirs. So Lard Nar didn't really get the chance to talk to Dib before he was to go see Zim again. But he was worried about it all morning. He sent Dib a quick message in the middle of working.
<<Be safe. Come back. I love you.>>
Having thoroughly disassembled and reset his comms device in the interim, Nar's message was the literal only thing in his inbox. He sent a reply before he disembarked.
<<i love you too, starlight. i'll come back or die trying>>
Now, to wait as the unmanned transport took him to the usual shitty little love hotel moon the next system over.
Zim was already there, in their usual room number. He was standing in the middle of the room, facing away from the door, when Dib entered. His antennae twitched at the door creak.
Slowly, the irken turned around to face his human partner. Perhaps Dib was expecting arrogance, a smirk, or at least a glare. Something. Instead, Zim's expression was stoic. Unreadable, for the moment. Concerning, when his expression was usually an open book. Especially to Dib.
But he was showing one tell. He was tapping his claws together at his sides. Nerves. Tension. A ticking time bomb.
Frowning softly, Dib is put off his guard emotionally but further on it tactically. What was the situation? He wasn't important enough to assassinate politically; if Zim was going to kill him today, it would be entirely for personal reasons. But the slender irken didn't seem angry. More... scared.
Schooling his face back into neutrality, the human shuts the door behind him. One last chance for them both. A negotiation. A move on the chessboard.
He means to ask if Zim has decided. If the one and only rogue irken had picked. Instead, the question is left open and vague.
"So. What happened?"
There is a damning undertone of sympathy to his voice.
Zim sucks in a sharp breath. "… Don't... Don't. Don't. Don't…" He wasn't sure entirely what he was protesting. A lot of things, really. How Dib was looking at him. How Dib was speaking to him. The question itself. The sympathy Zim took as pity. He hated to be pitied.
The little irken then covered his mouth with both hands, huge and shiny magenta eyes staring up at Dib as he began to break down right there. He thought he'd be strong enough to push everything back for this meeting. He wasn't. His antennae trembled behind his head, and his shoulders suddenly shook with a choked sob.
Shit. Slowly and cautiously, knowing Zim was startled by sudden contact, the human circled around the bed, sitting a good three feet away from him. Space without rejection. Dib's eyes grow a little sharper, but the soft twist to his mouth stays.
"You aren't good enough at crocodile tears for this to be an attempt to lure me closer. Either prove me wrong with a PAK leg through the eye or talk ."
Zim's eyes never left Dib, watching as he edged closer but not moving an inch himself. He had tried his best to hold everything in, but it wasn't good enough. The dam had burst, and he couldn't stop it.
Zim sank to his knees in front of Dib. He never did this because he was short enough as it was; he didn't need to be any smaller. But right now, Zim felt especially small and worthless, leaving himself at Dib's mercy. He leaned forward on his hands with his head bowed and full-on sobbed.
"Ju-ust k.. kill me... if you're... go-ing... to kill me..." he rasped.
Surging forward, Dib hauls Zim back onto his feet, held up by the back of his collar, if not his own legs. He was not going to let his former nemesis fucking kowtow to him.
"I'm not killing you unless you make that the only option for getting out of this room. Sit down. Tell me what happened, and don't you dare to fucking kneel again. Respect yourself or else."
His words were harsh, and his eyes faintly angry, but the human's mouth was soft, soft, soft. Traitorously soft. This wasn't the Zim he knew or the Zim he was afraid might be hidden beneath. This was...
This was heartbreaking.
Zim didn't fight Dib's grip, allowing himself to be pulled up like a rag doll. His thin body was limp, staying up only with Dib's help. Weakly, still shaking in agony, he felt his way to the bed and sank down to sit on the edge.
"What happened..? What happened? What happened..." Zim let out a hollow laugh, tears staining his face. He gasped for breath, not having the words. The tiny irken didn't know where to start.
"I'm... just.. a joke. A-and... I always have been... Always have been."
Teeth gritted, Dib hissed slightly, holding back the fiercer barbs threatening to escape his mouth. Relieving some of the dangerous urge to say, 'I told you so.'
"You're not a fucking joke; you're a goddamn genius. Crazy, but so am I. What did those motherfuckers say? I-"
Frustrated, he shakes Zim. Just a little. Where was the prideful maniac the human had struggled to keep up with a thousand million times? Where was the fury?
Lost in the total destruction of the irken's protective delusions, most likely. He'd have to dig it out.
"... Sit up. I'm about to say some shit, and you need to listen."
Sorrowful clicks escaped Zim as he was shaken and jostled, but still, he refused to fight back. He let it happen. Dib's words almost pierced through to him, but not quite. Not yet.
"I don't want to listen. I know what you... you're gonna say. You're gonna say you were right. You were right. Aren't you so glad to be right?" Zim didn't sit up. He slumped further.
Sighing angrily, the human drags the miserable alien into his lap. His words are harsh but free of any venom.
"No. I'm not glad, and I'm not gonna let you throw a goddamn pity party about it. You hate pity; hold yourself to the same standard. You are the only fucking reason I'm even off my ball of dirt. Respect yourself, or I'll stop doing it for you."
Clinging Zim tight to his chest, Dib exhales again, clearing his mind to find room for softer words.
"You've never given up before. Don't let this stop you. You're better than that. Don't let them win ."
Zim found his face pressed into Dib's chest. He sank into the human's hold, his hand slowly lifting and gripping tight onto Dib's shirt, balling the fabric into his fist. Finally, movement from him that wasn't just passive. That was promising.
"They've won, Dib. They've already won. They're the Tallest..." Zim gasped. "They always win. They always get what they want. A-and... I walked right into it. Thought he actually cared about me. What a stupid thing to do."
It hurt so bad.
After his banishment, he had spent so much time trying to convince himself he didn't care what the Tallest thought. He didn't care about the Empire. He didn't care at all. But he did. How could he undo centuries of training, beatings, and mind control with a snap of his fingers? He couldn't. Irkens were taught, were made to serve and please their Tallest.
"They can't have won because you're still here. Alive and functional. Angry, under all the pain. You've broken free before, lived for yourself in ways that shouldn't even be possible. You'll do it again. I'm not letting you self-destruct, literally or otherwise. Look at me. Look me in the eye, Zim."
Waiting until he had said attention, Dib says one last thing.
"You're better than them, and I'll know it even if you won't."
Dib was right. Zim was angry. His fury and hatred gradually swallowed up his despair and agony until he didn't know where one started and the other ended.
He stared into Dib's eyes, trembling like a leaf, face flushed with emotion.
He let out a huff of air that some might say was a laugh. He pressed his palm to a wet cheek and rubbed.
"I'm still here..." he whispered. "I'm still here…." He seemed to take comfort in this reassurance. There's one thing the Tallest have always failed to do, and that's killing Zim.
Gathering Zim in his arms again, Dib stares past him, eyes focused about a thousand miles beyond the door. He gently pets the back of the irken's head.
"Damn right. And you're going to keep being here, no matter what. You're a survivor; devil's own goddamn luck. And you can get revenge. Yeah, dig two graves like they say on Earth and all, but do you wanna live forever in a world that thinks it can get away with hurting you, or do you want to burn down the fuckers who tried?"
Resting his chin on his maybe-mate's head, Dib closes his eyes and whispers his following words.
"I can't decide for you... I don't want to choose for you. Whatever you pick, I love you... but I might not be able to come along for the ride."
Promises to keep.
Zim couldn't respond for several minutes, only letting out small broken sobs and clinging to Dib tightly, the two rocking slowly back and forth.
Dib was the only one who had ever believed in him. Took him seriously. Thought him worthy. And who loved him. Zim hadn't let those words truly sink in before until now. Dib loved him. And maybe Zim sort of loved him back. He wasn't entirely sure what love was with the life he had led so far. What Zim was sure of was that he could lose everything, he could lose the Empire, he could lose the Tallest and their respect, but he couldn't lose Dib. To lose Dib would be the one thing that would finally kill him.
So he wasn't going to let the human go.
Finally, he took a shaky inhale of breath. "I still don't think your feeble Resisty stands any chance…." A long pause.
"…But maybe with me, they will."
Dib was quiet for several long, heavy seconds, holding Zim as tightly as he could. When he did speak, it was with the slightest hint of a choked-off sob.
"I am so glad you're here. So glad you'll stay. It won't be easy, but with you, I think we can."
Some twenty minutes later, disheveled and teary with relief, the human flips back on his comms.
<<hey Nar? how would we go about the process of enlisting a rogue irken, entirely non-hypothetically>>
<<fuck me running>> is the near-immediate reply.