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Tommy couldn’t breathe.
He was so out of breath, and he couldn’t stop long enough to catch it. His lungs were burning, and his mouth was dry from how much he was panting. His body was shaking from overexertion, and his legs wobbled enough that he thought they would give out under him.
But he had to keep going.
Niki’s legs had given out from under her two laps ago, and her body still lay on the ground in the middle of the field, Wilbur’s policy preventing anybody from stopping to pick her up. Wilbur’s rules were extensive and harsh, and nobody got special treatment under them.
Tommy really didn’t want to be next, but his body had already not been in the best shape from training the day before, and he was just so tired.
“Tommy!” Wilbur’s voice bellowed out, clearly having noticed his struggle. When Tommy met his pseudo-brother’s eyes, he wanted nothing more than to just fall to his knees and sob.
Nobody should be pushing their body to this limit regularly, let alone a teenager, and yet here he was.
Tommy squeezed his eyes shut, pushing harder into a sprint. It didn’t matter if he couldn’t see, he knew this track well enough by now, and he had already passed Niki’s spot during this lap, so he knew he wouldn’t accidentally hit her.
His eyes ripped open again, however, when he heard a scream rip out from across the track. While making sure to keep a steady enough pace that Wilbur wouldn’t yell at him for falling behind again, Tommy looked over quickly, and found himself watching as Jack fell to the ground in a similar way to how Niki did just minutes prior.
Tommy tore his eyes from the scene, looking at Wilbur, and watching the other roll his eyes again, while mumbling something under his breath, likely about the other being weak or unworthy.
Tommy’s lungs were still stinging with the sensation of not having enough oxygen in them, and Tommy knew he really had to stop soon. However, he really really didn’t want to disappoint Wilbur, so he kept pushing.
This very quickly proved to be the wrong decision when only about five minutes later, Tommy found himself tumbling down to the ground as well. He gulped for air greedily, before starting to dry heave as well. He was grateful that he had chosen to forego breakfast this morning, as he wasn’t sure he could bear the look of disdain he would receive from Wilbur if he had ended up throwing up during training again.
It was another three minutes of Tommy dry heaving on the ground and gasping for air before he finally heard the whistle ring out across the field, effectively ending practice for the day.
He startled slightly when he felt a hand on his shoulder, but quickly relaxed when the person it belonged to started to rub soothing circles on his back. “Hey bossman, can you look at me?” Tubbo’s voice sounded far away in Tommy’s ears, and it took him a moment longer than it usually would have to process the request.
He lifted his head and turned it to face Tubbo, ignoring his body as it ached in protest. He tried to focus on Tubbo’s face, he really did, but his eyes were blurring so much that all he could see was the shape of his head.
“There you go big man, i’m gonna pick you up, that alright?” Tubbo asks, and Tommy’s eyes are still blurring at the sight of his friend, but
he can at least tell the difference between his hair and face now. Tommy nods in response, not trusting himself to be able to talk properly with how dry his throat and mouth have become.
He vaguely registers Tubbo’s arms lifting under his body before lifting him, one situated under the crook in his knees, and the other under his shoulders. Tubbo hugged Tommy close to himself, and Tommy responded by pressing his head into the younger’s chest, and humming at the comfort it provided.
“I know Toms, just a little bit longer and you can go to sleep, alright?” Tubbo says, and Tommy takes note of the concern in his voice, quickly reminding himself to at least remain a little composed so Tubbo didn’t have a heart attack over his well-being. He nodded quickly and opened his eyes, finally taking a look at his surroundings for the first time since he had been lifted off of the grass.
His vision was much less blurry now, and he could see two situations mirroring his own as Tubbo started walking in the direction of Wilbur. Eret had already lifted Niki into their arms and was only a few feet from Wilbur at this point, making it apparent that they had picked her up almost immediately after Wilbur ended the training session. Fundy was lifting Jack with little struggle, and Tommy smiled at the improvement. The last time the fox had been forced to carry a friend off of the training grounds, he almost couldn’t, but it seemed he had since been training on his own, along with the mandatory exercises that came with being a part of L’manburg’s militia.
Against his own will, Tommy’s eyes drifted over to where Wilbur was standing. Annoyance was radiating off of his tall figure, and Tommy wished so badly he could just waltz right over there and wipe that pissed off expression off of the other’s face. Because who the hell did he think he was?
Sure, Wilbur was the leader of their country, and was by extension, the one in charge, but Tommy would be lying if he said the clear power difference didn’t piss him off to no end sometimes.
Wilbur liked to order everyone around, and do nothing but sit there and watch as his disciples followed his every command. There was no doubt in Tommy’s mind that when war eventually came for their nation, Wilbur would do the exact same thing, even with their citizens’ lives on the line.
But clearly, this was not the time to get angry at the man, as Tommy’s head stung in protest at his strong emotions. He just grumbled in frustration, closing his eyes again and pushing his head back into his friend’s chest, desperately hoping he would be able to sleep soon, as exhaustion crashed over him in powerful waves.
Tubbo’s chest bounced under his head as he chuckled at his best friend’s actions. “I know you’re tired, bossman, but you really gotta stay awake, okay? Need to make sure you’re okay, and all.”
Tommy nodded, though he still struggled to keep his eyes open. Luckily, Tubbo tended to be a quick thinker, and quickly offered to talk about anything and everything on his mind in an effort to keep the boy awake on their way back.
It was about an hour after the entirety of L’manburg’s citizens returned to their homeland that Tubbo and Tommy had finally managed to retire to their shared bedroom.
They had both washed up, eaten something, and gotten plenty of water in both of their systems by now, Eret made sure of it. When Niki wasn’t mother-henning the two of them, Eret was always next in line to do so.
Tommy promptly flopped on his bed after entering the room, and Tubbo only rolled his eyes in amusement at his best friend’s antics.
After closing the door behind him and shutting the curtains to block out any light from entering their room from the window, Tubbo climbed into his own bed, making sure to actually get under the covers, unlike a certain someone across from him.
Tubbo adjusted his pillows under his head, and moved around in bed until he was comfortable, facing the wall that was covered in pictures of both boys with their friends.
He closed his eyes, trying to will himself to sleep, but there was a question on his tongue, yearning to be released. So, Tubbo broke the silence, his voice quiet, but loud enough for his roommate to hear. “Hey, Tommy?”
A moment of silence. Tubbo almost closed his eyes to attempt to sleep again, but a questioning “hmm?” stopped him before he could do so.
“Are you okay? Like- really okay?” Tubbo knew it was a bit of a loaded question, but he had been wanting to ask it for a while now, ever since Wilbur started becoming much, much harsher on the people he once thought of as friends, equals even. Tubbo wasn’t so sure he still thought of them in that way anymore.
He could hear Tommy rolling over, likely flipping to face the ceiling, he tended to do that when he really had to think about a question he was asked. A loud exhale, and the telltale sound of Tommy shaking his head as it rubbed against the sheets.
Tommy shut his eyes tightly, and tried to keep his voice from sounding too choked up as he forces his brain to speak. “No.” he finally says, the pure pain in his voice is evident, and Tubbo turns over, now facing Tommy’s bed even as the other continues to stare at the ceiling.
Tommy doesn’t want to open his eyes, because if he does then he’ll start crying and it will all be real. Tommy doesn’t want it to be real, he’s been trying so hard to just bottle it up and keep going, so that he doesn’t have to confront these emotions, but it seems that now they have decided to rear their ugly head.
Tommy takes a deep breath, it’s shaky and uneven, but it’s the best he’s going to get right now. He hates that such a simple question from his friend is breaking him apart like this, but Tubbo knew him all too well and he knew that.
He turns his head to the side, and opens his eyes to meet Tubbo’s across the dark room. He chuckled halfheartedly before he started to break out into sobs, quickly curling his aching body into a ball.
Tubbo threw his covers off almost immediately, quickly making his way over to his friend’s bed. He quickly sat on top of the covers as well, quickly pulling Tommy into his arms. He made quiet shushing noises as he rocked the two back and forth comfortingly, but was in no way actually trying to tell the other to be quiet. It was important to let out your emotions, especially when you bottled them up for as long as Tommy had.
When they were younger, Tommy had always been the crier of the pair. It stayed with him for a long time, but it changed after L’manburg started and the power got to Wilbur’s head. After the first few times Wilbur had yelled at Tommy for crying and being “weak,” he started slowly coaxing himself to keep it inside, to hold it till he could cry later in the comfort of his bedroom. This worked for a while, until Tommy gradually became so used to the harsh words and angry statements that he became numb to them all. They still hurt, sure, but he couldn’t bring himself to cry over them anymore.
He had needed a good cry for a while now, so even though his body was crying in protest as a result of the harsh sobbing, he really couldn’t bring himself to care all that much. His head was pounding, his nose was running, and his tears were coming out too fast for him to be able to wipe them off his face, but Tubbo held him close nonetheless.
Tommy wanted to feel bad for himself, to hate the way he was probably dirtying Tubbo’s night clothes, but they had been in this situation before, and Tubbo reassured him that he was not a burden to him (and never would be) enough times that it was practically conditioned into his brain that this was okay. It was good to let out your emotions every once in a while, and having your best friend there to hold you and whisper soft reassurances while you do so is a huge plus.
It took a while for Tommy to calm down but when he finally did, he lifted his head to make eye contact with Tubbo, almost laughing at the clear sympathy in his face. Tommy merely shook his head, and Tubbo nodded in response, knowing not to press him to talk if he didn’t want to. Tubbo simply reached over and grabbed a tissue off of the nightstand between their beds, handing it to Tommy to blow his nose and whatever else he needed.
After Tommy was done, he reached over Tubbo to throw the used tissue into the trash, muttering a small “thank you” as well. Tubbo only shook his head, getting under Tommy’s covers and lifting the comforter for Tommy to crawl in as well.
Tommy only laughed endearingly before crawling into his twin-sized bed next to Tubbo. The two were lucky they even fit in the thing together, but neither of them particularly minded all that much.
Tommy curled up next to Tubbo, making sure to hold his hand under the warmth of the blankets as well. He let out a sigh at the comfort, and closed his eyes as he let himself begin to fall asleep.
It was only a few minutes later when Tubbo realized Tommy was asleep already, based on the sound of his breath evening out. He wasn’t surprised, the boy had been absolutely exhausted, and he needed as much rest as he could get. Luckily tomorrow was a farming day, meaning the two of them would be able to spend the day in the gardens uprooting vegetables to eat. While it may not seem appealing to anyone else, the boys enjoyed it, it was relaxing and gave them time to talk to each other, plus it kept them out of that day’s exercise sessions.
Tubbo shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts of what will happen tomorrow and the day after that. He constantly had to remind himself to take it one day at a time, and not to bite off more than he can chew.
A small smile graced his features when he looked down at Tommy again, seeing that the boy looked peaceful as ever, even as the dried tear stains coated his cheeks. Tubbo had started to notice his impending tiredness at that point, and the warmth from Tommy’s body heat wasn’t helping all that much. So, Tubbo closed his eyes, and he willed himself to sleep as well.
Maybe tomorrow would be better, or maybe it would be worse. Only time will tell.
All they could do was hope for the best.