Chapter Text
Light poured out of the door and into the shrine, surrounding Atem as he stepped forward. His hand slipped out of Yugi's as he moved toward the light. The split second his last finger left Yugi's hand, a part of him snapped. His mind that had been fine-tuned on his fight to stay and on keeping his composure in congratulating Yugi all while saying goodbye. Yet, as he moved away from his partner, his mind lost all control it had over itself. It went from quiet to loud. From still to racing.
No. No, this isn't right. This isn't supposed to be happening.
Yugi's sobs were getting softer. He couldn't look at him. He was holding it together by barely a string. It was thinner than a hair. His resolve crumbled the moment he heard the snap in his mind. Looking at Yugi's face as he cried would allow for more crumbling. More snaps. Less control.
Atem set his face back to that determined look he always wore in battle. It could be described as cold or unfeeling. His softer eyes were reserved for Yugi and Yugi only. And they had just said goodbye. All friendliness was gone. All emotion was hidden in his looks while inside, his mind jumped about like a trapped wild cat.
Turn around. Look at him. Hold him. Keep your promise.
His mind refused to be silent. Contradicting thoughts and images passed through his mind. He stared at the door as it slowly opened. It was moving too slowly. He needed it to open faster so he could walk through and just be done with the moment. A quick and painless separation from his friends. From Yugi. Yugi who was bearing his soul at the moment, crying and telling him how much he'll miss him and how much he wanted to be like him.
Oh Aibou, I wanted to be like you.
Yugi was never someone who hid his emotions. Yugi was never one to back down when someone he cared for was in danger. Yugi would never abandon his friends. No, Yugi was perfect. He was kind, gentle, and everything Atem wasn't. Atem with his unfeeling face and unwavering determination to end this without letting himself feel the pain. Because that's what selfish people do. That's what he was doing.
He took a step forward.
That's what he had to do.
Another step.
He couldn't cry. He had to accept defeat like a true duelist. Like someone who had his pride in check. Like a king would. Like someone who had planned and worked toward this moment for what seemed like forever. Knowing that he was headed for a home is what drove him this whole time. It drew out time to a crawling pace. Time wasn't always, like that, though.
Whenever he was with Yugi, he never had enough time. Every night talking to Yugi in the dark of their bedroom always ended too early. The sun always had to ruin their fun and their peace. At night they could always pretend that this day wasn't coming. That they had everything they could ever want together. Time, happiness, opportunities.
You have no time. You have no happiness. Not without him.
His mind mocked him. No more time with Yugi to talk. Oh how he had wished to hear Yugi knock at his soul room door last night. He was only met with silence as he planned his deck, praying that it would lead him to the result that would allow him to stay. That would have brought happiness. Because even if his deck was always meant to yield to Yugi's, if he had heard Yugi knock at his door, he would have answered. He would have held him. He would have told him how he made him feel every day. How he was the sunshine in his life of darkness. How no day could be happy without him.
How he loved him.
The plan had been to take that love with him to the next life and simply learn to live with it. Heartbreak was his burden to bear, along with so much of the weight of the world that he carried on his shoulders. He had accepted it. He had to accept a lot when figuring out who and what he was and what he was supposed to do.
You have opportunity. Now. Take it.
He took another step.
Opportunity? To what? His mind was playing tricks on him. He had lost. There was no questioning the result. It was win and stay or lose and leave. That was it. There were no other options. Nothing that could be argued against it.
And yet, his mind kept repeating it over and over.
Take the opportunity.
To talk to Yugi. To tell him how he feels. To say everything he needed to. To give him everything he deserved. To be whatever Yugi needed him to be.
The opportunity… to stay?
He took another step toward the light.
Coming into this duel, he knew what he wanted. He wanted to be with Yugi. He didn't want to leave. He wouldn't have fought so hard if he didn't want to stay. Anyone can throw a duel. Anyone can simply pretend to be bad just this once if losing meant getting everything you ever dreamed of. And yet, he found himself wanting it less and less as he got to spend more time with Yugi, however fleeting it was.
Maybe this is all he wanted. Opportunity. Just the time, the emotional space, the courage to say what he wanted to. That he wanted to stay. That he wanted to keep his promise. That he wanted Yugi. Only Yugi, forever and always. That he wanted to kiss him, hold him and never ever let go. Afterlife and his soul be damned, he always wanted all of that.
So why shouldn't he try for it?
Right here, right now.
No matter how late it was. No matter if someone else would have shook their fist at the world and demanded to know why they didn't realize sooner that opportunity was always there. This was his last moment to realize it. It would be wrong to not take the moment now and seize it by the throat. The when of it didn't matter anymore. He had wasted too much time already. Now is now is now. Now is when the the moment is screaming at him. Other moments may have whispered. But he's listening now.
He was Pharaoh. He was a god on Earth. He could decide his own destiny, couldn't he? He was a strong duelist with or without his memories. He knew how to tip the scales of destiny himself. It was about time he did something with that. Wasn't it?
His foot moved forward but paused mid-air.
I love him. I can't waste it. I love him.
He simply stood, his face to the light. To the destiny he was always convinced was his to bear no matter what. He was nothing but a spirit. A ghost who was attached to a person. Not just any person, the kindest and most pure soul he had ever encountered. And now that he had his memories, he could attest to that. Yugi was perfect. Yugi was everything.
From his bright smile, to his luminescent eyes. To the tender kindness he showed even to his enemies. Yugi was everything Atem knew he wasn't. Atem hadn't even been alive the whole time they were in each other's lives. Yet Yugi treated him with the same kindness and consideration he showed to anyone in his life, and maybe even more. He took this responsibility of challenging him today, something he didn't have to and definitely something that brought him some sort of sadness.
Atem never understood why Yugi sacrificed so much for him.
And he could never repay him no matter how many moments they were given together. At least, not in this life being half a person and only half an existence. Yugi deserved the world and then some. Yugi deserved opportunity a long time ago.
The light shone in his face, blinding him. He squinted and looked down at his stilled feet. He heard silence behind him. He couldn't hear his friends crying. He couldn't hear Yugi whispering his nickname. The stillness was heavy in his heart and stomach.
This was it.
The opportunity.
He could make anything happen right now. He could say he wants to stay. Oh, how good it would feel on his lips to admit that. How happy it would make his friends. And Yugi. How amazing it could be to use this moment to change everything. To go where he wanted to go. To say what he wanted to say. It was his to use. He lost the duel, but he didn't lose anything else. So what was the point? He had everything. Everything and nothing to lose.
He was a king. But Yugi? He was more. He wanted to be like Yugi. If Yugi was faced with this, he would use it to the fullest. Yugi would see to his friends' happiness. Yugi would try to find a way to make sure his friends knew what they meant to him. Yugi would make sure that life was filled with smiles and fulfillment.
"Mou Hitori No Boku?" Yugi's voice was shaky with sobs.
Atem took a breath like a man waking up from a dream hearing that voice say the name he loved. Why did he try to use their last moments to tell him not to use it? No, he'd already fucked this up. Opportunity was for a man who had nothing to lose. A man who wanted to make the most of any and every life he has been given. Not a man who wasted moments and chances.
A man who wants to turn around and devote himself to the man he loves more than one, two, or even three lives on this earth.
He unclenched his fists.
Yes. This is his. The moment, the opportunity, a moment for the man he loves. They're all here for him. He dared not take any of it for granted. Fuck fate. Fuck destiny. He's been admired for his take charge attitude, and he was going to live up to his potential for once in either life. None of it would be possible without Yugi.
Yugi who deserved more. Yugi whom he loved. Yugi who was crying behind him.
Even if the opportunity was only to be denied or to be rejected, he had to try. He just had to. For himself. For Yugi. For a rewrite of destiny. His mind finally quieted as he turned, enhancing the silence. It didn't scare him one bit.
Everyone gasped as he began to turn around.