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Being Independent

Summary:

“So you’re saying the bombing was a good thing?” Katniss cut in at long last, fed up beyond measure.

Effie frowned, clearly put out by her tone. “I am saying more jobs mean less poverty. There is a silver lining.”

Notes:

Prompt: Firstly, I’m absolutely loving hayffieween!! I haven’t finished them all yet but I’m absolutely obsessed with every chapter! And secondly, can I prompt a fic where post-mj, katniss makes a comment to effie that really hurts her and she dismisses it because obviously the old effie wasn’t phased by things like that. And then it’s not until kat realises she’s actually upset her that it dawns on her how bad effies state actually is with her ptsd (sorry this is vague but basically cue angsty bonding)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

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Katniss was doing her best to keep her irritation in check but it was a hard fight. She tossed regular glances at Peeta who discreetly winced in reply but did very little to actually interrupt Effie’s prattle about the rebuilding effort and how much better Twelve was now that the construction work had opened so many jobs.

Katniss and Peeta were moving around Haymitch’s kitchen, trying to get dinner ready. Effie was laying down the table but it was slow going because she was talking so much. As for Haymitch himself, he was still outside taking his sweet time with the geese – to avoid having to listen to her, Katniss was certain. How Haymitch had managed to bear her presence for so long, she wasn’t sure.

Effie had showed up four months earlier for a visit and had never left again. The girl had firmly waited for Haymitch to get fed up and kick her out but, so far, that didn’t seem like it would be happening any time soon, even if Peeta had suggested they got their own guest room ready just in case – Katniss had retorted that if it came down to that they could give her his house since he wasn’t living in it, she didn’t think she would survive having Effie Trinket for a roommate; or rather, she didn’t think Effie would survive. She wasn’t sure how Haymitch hadn’t killed her yet.

“So you’re saying the bombing was a good thing?” Katniss cut in at long last, fed up beyond measure.

“Katniss.” Peeta murmured in a warning tone, thrusting a bowl of salad in her hands with a look.

Effie frowned, clearly put out by her tone. “I am saying more jobs mean less poverty. There is a silver lining.”

“A silver lining?” she hissed.

“Poor choice of words, perhaps.” their former escort admitted with a wince. “But you cannot deny the rebuilding effort has been good for the community…”

Katniss stared at her, incredulous. Did she truly think it had been good for anyone to unearth skeletons and corpses – friends, family, neighbors – every time they cleared an area for rebuilding? Peeta was barely now considering working on bringing the bakery back up – and that was after they had recovered and properly buried what was left of his family members.

Unfortunately, Effie mistook her silence for agreement and flashed her one of her bright smiles. “Besides, unemployment is extremely bad for morale, you know, that is a fact. People are much happier when they can work and provide for themselves and their families…”

“Katniss.” Peeta said again, his warning tone a lot more pronounced.

She couldn’t help it, though, she scoffed, almost slamming the salad bowl on the table. “Must be hard for your morale, then. Leeching off Haymitch like you do.”

Effie actually took a step back as if she had physically punched her.

Katniss.” Peeta hissed, clearly angry this time.

Katniss was annoyed that he wouldn’t take her side but also a bit regretful because… Well, Effie’s face had closed.

Haymitch, naturally, chose that moment to come back inside, bumping each of his boots against the doorframe a couple of times so he wouldn’t track mud everywhere. When Effie didn’t immediately order him to take them off – like she had with their shoes, Katniss couldn’t help but notice, as if she had any right to give orders under Haymitch’s roof – he looked up, took in the tension in the room and frowned.

“The fuck happened?” he growled. His grey eyes shot to Katniss at once, as if he already knew she was the sure cause of whatever had occurred. That only fed her annoyance more.

Why was it Haymitch, like Peeta, always took Effie’s side?

“Not a thing.” Effie declared, her usual cheer in her voice. “Please, use your slippers, I just cleaned the floor this afternoon.”

Haymitch was still frowning but he started to unlace his boots without complaining. Peeta took the dish out of the oven and placed it on the table.

“Let’s eat.” he said, cheerfully enough.

Still, Katniss could hear the underlying tension in his voice. She tried to catch his gaze but he wouldn’t look at her. He simply sat down at the table, leaving her to take her usual seat next to him… Haymitch walked all around the table for his own chair but remained standing when he noticed Effie hadn’t moved from her spot next to the kitchen counter.

“Coming, sweetheart?” he coaxed, in that gentle voice he hardly ever used on anything that wasn’t a bird, a young child or a wounded animal. Or Katniss when she was having a really bad time. Or Peeta when he was struggling to come out of an episode. Or, apparently, Effie when she was upset.

“I… No.” Effie shook her head, her smile firmly planted on her lips. “My apologies, I am not very hungry and…”

“You need to eat something.” Haymitch insisted, more firmly, dragging her usual chair back so she would get the hint and come sit. “A little, at least. Besides, the boy cooked. You don’t wanna hurt his feelings, yeah?”

Effie was weird about the food, Katniss had noticed before. It probably wasn’t refined enough or something, because she would only eat very little and, more often than not, when they were at their house and Katniss did the dishes after dinner, even if her plate looked clear enough, it was just because the food had been scattered to make it look like it had been eaten. It was a waste and another thing that infuriated her about their escort.

She didn’t get why Haymitch humored her – because there was no way he hadn’t noticed – when he was just as touchy about wasting food as she was. Hell, he had lectured Peeta for half an hour once because he had tossed away burned leftovers instead of turning it into stew…

“I have a migraine.” Effie countered, taking a step toward the door.

Haymitch was suddenly in her path, searching her face for… something. The look was far more intense than skipping dinner justified and Katniss tried not to roll her eyes as she put some salad on her plate. She almost missed the way Effie’s hand traveled down the inside of his arm in what looked like a reassuring caress… Since when were Effie and Haymitch touching each other so casually?

“I will be fine. I just need to lie down for a little bit.” the escort said quietly. “I promise.”

“I’m gonna leave a plate in the oven for you so it stays warm.” Haymitch grumbled. “You’re not going to bed on an empty stomach tonight, you hear?”

Effie’s smiled dimmed into something a little less bright, a little less fabulous, but that also looked more genuine. “I will be fine.”

Katniss wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean because, obviously, she would be fine. Effie just wanted to sulk because Katniss had hit the proverbial nail on the head with her comment. And, yeah, she felt a little bad about it because she and Peeta had discussed it and had concluded all her stories about how wonderful her life was in the Capitol couldn’t be true if she was still there four months later but… Still.

Eventually, Haymitch let her go and came to sit at the table, helping himself to some of the zucchini gratin Peeta had quickly put together earlier. Their mentor was clearly not happy but didn’t speak until his plate was full.

“So. What happened?” he finally asked, shooting them both a glare.

Peeta lifted his eyebrows but looked back down at his plate, focusing on his food, clearly not planning on helping her out. As if he blamed her.

Katniss immediately felt extremely defensive. “She was talking shit.”

Haymitch’s glare intensified and she resisted the urge to squirm. She wasn’t a child and he wasn’t her father.

“Meaning?” he prompted.

Peeta sighed, chasing a piece of zucchini around his plate with his fork. “She was trying to say the rebuilding efforts could be a positive thing for Twelve because that meant jobs and jobs keep people happy so Katniss thought it was a good idea to point out she wasn’t contributing here.”

She had seen Haymitch angry before.

She hadn’t expected him to get this angry over a comment like that.

“The fuck would you say that for?” he spat.

“Well, it’s true, isn’t it?” Katniss scoffed. “She was being annoying. You know how she is… Saying the rebuilding is a good thing…”

“She isn’t entirely wrong.” Peeta muttered.

“You agree with her?” she challenged. “You think it’s a good thing for the community?”

“I think we’re rebuilding our District together and we’re turning it into something that’s ours.” her boyfriend argued, lifting his fork to punctuate his sentence. “She wasn’t trying to say the bombing was a good thing. She was trying to say…” He shook his head. “You weren’t even really listening. You jumped at her throat.”

“She was being a hypocrite.” she snapped. “She was being all Capitol… It was like what they used to say in school to get us to enroll in the mine… Work keeps you happy.”

“She probably doesn’t know about the propaganda, Katniss.” Peeta retorted, calmly.

“Doesn’t matter.” she hissed. “It was hypocritical. She kept saying how providing for your family is important and, yet, she’s here, living off Haymitch… And us since she’s over at our house every two nights.”

“You think she doesn’t already know?” Haymitch cut in, interrupting for the first time. He wasn’t furious but he was clearly angry with her and that was unfair. “You think she’s happy taking our charity? You think it’s easy for her? You think it’s not a conversation the two of us had fifty times in the past four months?”

“I think she doesn’t realize…” Katniss argued.

“Oh, she does…” Their mentor sneered. “And she hates it. If she could contribute, girl, she would.”

“Ain’t like she’s lacking for money.” she grumbled.

Ain’t she?” Haymitch shook his head. “Use your brain once in a while.” He tossed his fork down, letting it click on his plate. “Don’t have much of an appetite either. Leave a plate in the oven for her, yeah? I’m gonna go take a walk.”

The silence, once he left the kitchen, was deafening. Peeta aggressively stabbed his food, leaving her to poke at hers. She hated the way her stomach was twisting with guilt.

“I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.” she snapped at long last, unable to bear it any longer. She didn’t like it when Peeta was angry with her.

“I think she was down there with us, you know.” Peeta said quietly, so quietly she almost didn’t hear him.

She frowned. “Down where?” He glanced at her and in that glance she saw everything he couldn’t say. His time in the Capitol during the war was jumbled, fragments of memories that overlapped. Some true. Some false. A mess. “Nobody said anything about that.” Katniss argued. “I know Plutarch and Haymitch had a hard time keeping her alive after the war… Coin, you know.”

She wrinkled her nose, never happy to revisit those memories.

“I remember her down there.” he insisted.

She forced herself to swallow a couple of forkfuls, tried to turn her voice into something… casual. “Are you sure it was real?”

Peeta took a deep breath. “Pretty sure.” He waved his hand. “And even if it wasn’t… If she wasn’t down there… You’ve seen her clothes. They look expensive to you?”

They looked better than anything they would have been able to find in Twelve before the war – or now for that matter but… They weren’t exactly the eccentric gowns from before the war either. No more silk or velvet or whatever… “She said fashion changed.”

“Right.” Peeta scoffed. “And you think, fashion or not, she would drag around that old frayed coat if she could help it? You’ve seen her buy anything for herself since she arrived?”

“She goes to the market sometimes…” Katniss pointed out. “She bought fabrics…”

She liked to sew. That much Katniss knew. She claimed making her own clothes was a new hobby.  

“Yeah, with Haymitch. And Haymitch pays.” Peeta retorted, careful to keep his voice low. “Look, I overheard them once… I didn’t mean to and I didn’t stay to listen but… I think she was in a lot of debts when she came here. I think Haymitch paid them off.”

“Which only proves my point she’s taking advantage of…” she argued.

“It only proves she doesn’t have any money left.” he cut her off. “And it’s not like she can go and find a job, Katniss.”

“Why not?” she scoffed. “She’s saying…”

“Who’s going to hire the last living escort?” Peeta challenged. “And besides… I’m not sure she can hold a job. She disappears for days at a time…”

“Because she has migraines.” Katniss insisted but she didn’t sound so sure now.

“Yes, like tonight?” he mocked. “And, honestly, you think Haymitch would let her live here, would spend money on her, if he didn’t really want to? You think he would hesitate to kick her out? What you said to her? I’m sorry, I love you, but that was low.”

And with that, Peeta started clearing the table, leaving a plate in the oven like requested. By the time they had put everything away and done the dishes, Haymitch still wasn’t back and Effie hadn’t come down. There was nothing else to do and nothing that justified staying longer but Katniss didn’t really want to leave.

She felt… bad.

She liked Effie.

Their former escort was very annoying most of the time and they came from two very different worlds that often clashed but, still, she liked Effie. Effie had stuck by them when most people would have fled.

“I’m going to take her plate up.” Katniss decided.

Peeta smiled at her, proud and fond. “I’ll see you at home.”

He kissed her before he left and she made the trek up the stairs, carefully balancing a tray with the still warm plate and a glass of water. The guest room’s door was closed so she knocked.

I have not killed myself yet, Haymitch!” came the muffled replied through the wood.

She took that as an invitation and pushed on the handle with her elbow so she could come in with that tray safe in her hands. “It’s me. I brought you your dinner.”

She wasn’t sure what she expected but it wasn’t to see Effie curled up on the window seat in an oversized navy blue sweater with holes in it that clearly belonged to Haymitch, a cigarette wedged between two fingers, her blond hair loose on her shoulders and her face free of make-up… The chilly night air that spilled in through the open window fortunately helped Katniss recover from her shock at seeing their escort looking so… human.

“Oh.” Effie exclaimed when she saw her, her cheeks flushing red. She hurried to crush the cigarette in a makeshift astray – she wasn’t sure what the small silver dish used to be, the victors’ houses were cluttered with stuff like that, art or whatever. “I apologize, dear, I was not expecting you. You did not have to carry that up, I would have come down.”

Effie quickly closed the window with a nervous sort of energy that left Katniss feeling even worse. It was plain to see she was upset. Her eyes were a little reddish as if she had cried and then rubbed them…

Katniss cleared her throat and offered her the tray a bit awkwardly. “I wanted to say sorry.”

An amused smile twisted Effie’s lips for a second. “You do not have to apologize to me every time Haymitch asks you to anymore, you know.” That had been a very common occurrence during the Tour, Katniss had to admit. She would say something, upset Effie… Haymitch would lecture her about it, tell her to apologize… The escort clearly must have an inkling of what she was thinking about because she snorted. “He lectures me too, you know. About saying the wrong thing. About upsetting you with my spoiled brat attitude…” She let her voice trail off a little, her eyes getting lost in the distance, but then she focused back on her and smiled one of her bright smiles. “I apologize if I was being insensitive earlier, Katniss. I did not mean to upset you.”

Well, now Katniss felt even guiltier.

And she didn’t really know how to accept an apology like that so she waved at the tray Effie had balanced on her knees. “You should eat while it’s still warm.” A strange look passed on the woman’s face but then she started poking at the food, not actually bringing it up to her lips. She always did that. Katniss hated the way she treated meals. “Are you on a diet or something?”

It came out a little too abrupt.

Effie startled, looking up at her. She looked a bit reluctant as she finally brought a forkful to her mouth and she chewed it for a long time as if to delay the swallowing bit as long as possible. Katniss wouldn’t have said she looked disgusted but it was a close thing.

“You don’t like it?” she asked with a frown, trying to understand. She wasn’t picky about food. She had gone too long without it not to eat anything in front of her regardless of her personal tastes. But Peeta had vegetables he wouldn’t touch or fruits he didn’t like and, while it seemed a waste to her, she understood that he had lacked less growing up and… Maybe it was the same for Effie. “There’s cheese in the fridge if you’d like that better…”

“No, no!” Effie denied with a smile. “It is delicious.”

“Then why do you look like you want to throw up?” Katniss challenged, plopping down on the bed to signal she wasn’t going to let it go this time. She sat crossed-legged at the foot of the bed, facing the escort who was still sitting on the window seat and looking for the world like she would like nothing else but to run from the room. “You always pick at your food. I notice, you know.”

Again, Effie seemed startled. And then hesitant. Finally, the escort winced and studied her plate even as she forced herself to eat another mouthful. “It often makes me sick.”

Katniss frowned. “The food?”

“Eating.” Effie corrected flatly. “Well… I suppose it does not make me sick any longer but it did for so long that I am… scared I will be again. They forced me to eat in the hospital, you know. It was not… pleasant.”

Katniss hadn’t realized Effie had been in the hospital at all. Maybe Peeta had a point and she had been down in the cells after all.

“Why does it make you sick?” she insisted, trying to understand.

Effie licked her lips, brought another shaky forkful to her lips. “The Peacekeepers did not bother feeding me for weeks. I starved. By the time I was rescued…” She took a sip of water, purely to occupy her hands, Katniss felt, to delay her explanation. “I will be alright. It is just… difficult.”

She wanted to ask more about her time during the war because she never had but she sensed it wouldn’t be welcomed.

She would ask Haymitch later.

Because if Effie had been with Peeta, then… She hadn’t been on her list. When the rescue team had gone for the victors, Effie hadn’t been on her list. She hadn’t even thought about Effie once at that point. It was only when Plutarch had told her that their escort’s whereabouts were unknown after Peeta had tried to strangle her that she had spared a thought for her…

“Maybe we could cook more of your favorites.” Katniss suggested, extending an olive branch. “Maybe that would make it easier.”

This time, Effie’s smile was more genuine and there was open affection in her blue eyes. “Do not worry about me, dear. Haymitch won’t let me skip meals.”

“Well, you’re very skinny.” It wasn’t until the words had slipped past her lips that she realized how true they were. Effie had always been slim but nowadays she was… Her cheekbones were jutting out and her wrist were so bony… It reminded her of herself before the Games, of the people in the Seam and… The irony wasn’t lost on her… A starved escort…

“Some diplomacy is never amiss, dear.” Effie chided in a teasing voice, clearly more amused than offended. Her expression turned serious fast though. “I do intent to repay Haymitch every cent he lent me, you know.”

Shame flooded through her and Katniss made a face. “I’m sorry I said that.”

“Do not be sorry, you were absolutely right.” Effie scoffed, quickly eating three forkfuls before placing the tray down on the floor. The plate was still half full but Katniss didn’t call her out on it. The escort curled up on the window seat again, sitting sideways, with her back against the wall so she could watch the street. Although given how dark it was she wasn’t sure what Effie could see. “I was seventeen when I started working, you know.”

Katniss’ eyebrows shot up. “Really? What did you do?”

It was hard to imagine Effie being anything else than a bigger-than-life escort… She hadn’t expected her to have done anything before that. Why would she have? She was wealthy and she loved to party and…

“I was a model.” Effie hummed. She snorted when she caught the look on Katniss’ face. “It is work, I assure you. It looks easy because it is supposed to, but it is work… I did runways at first mostly… Then photoshoots… I became the official face for Faun Harwyn’s brand when I was barely eighteen… After that… After that it was vertiginous…” She was looking out the window but her eyes were lost to a distant past. “I bought an apartment on my eighteenth birthday. I left my parents’ house and I never looked back. I made money. I invested it. I turned myself into a brand… Then I became an escort and I earned even more money…” Effie sighed softly. “I was proud of it, you know. In my social circles… You married well or you lived off your family’s fortune but… I made my own fortune and I was proud of it. It is in part why I was so reluctant to get married… I liked being able to say I did not need anyone. Independence is key in life, dear. Sometimes it can mean your survival.”

Katniss was fascinated. That was a side of Effie she had never seen.

She had known their escort was much smarter than she let on or pretended to be but…

“I know.” she said.

Effie flashed her a sad smile. “Yes, I suppose you would.” She looked out the window again. “The crux of the matter is… I never wanted nor needed anyone to save me. I made very sure I could save myself. Then I lost everything and I did need saving and… My pride won’t let me forget but I am grateful too. I am grateful Haymitch cared enough to step in me when I needed him to. Does that sound strange to you?”

She thought it over for a few seconds and then shrugged. “No. I didn’t need anyone to save me either but it was easier once Peeta did.” She shrugged again, thinking back to what Gale had said in Tigris’ basement so long ago. “Maybe it’s not about needing someone. Maybe it’s about wanting them.” That didn’t sound quite right so she made a face. “You know.”

“I do…” Effie whispered. “Haymitch is coming back.”

Sure enough, a few seconds later, the front door unmistakably opened and closed downstairs.

Katniss picked at a loose thread on the comforter. “How did you lose your money?”

It must have happened during or after the war…

“The government seized it as compensation for my war crimes once Haymitch left the Capitol. They took everything.” Effie explained. “I know I deserved worse. I am not complaining.”

“Worse?” Katniss frowned, acutely aware that Haymitch was coming up the stairs.

“They are all dead, Katniss…” Effie whispered. “The other escorts, the Gamemakers, Caesar, the stylists, the staff… They are all gone and I am the only one left… I am lucky leaving me penniless is all they did.”

That didn’t sound right at all and she opened her mouth to say so but Haymitch walked in before she could say anything. He shot her a surprised look but walked past her to the window seat and picked up the tray off the floor.

“Didn’t eat enough.” he grumbled in that gentle tone that Katniss understood better now. “You skipped lunch already.”

“I will come downstairs and eat a yogurt.” Effie compromised.

“There’s some tomato soup left.” he countered. “I’m gonna heat you some.”

“Haymitch…” Effie wrinkled her nose.

“Half a bowl and a yogurt.” he insisted, holding her eyes.

Effie sighed. “Fine.” She winked at Katniss with forced cheer. “Do you see how he enjoys bossing me around?”

“Revenge for thirteen years of you bitching at me, sweetheart.” Haymitch deadpanned, cocking his head. “You’re good?”

Fabulous.” Effie deadpanned right back.

They were saying one thing but clearly having an entire different conversation with their eyes.

Katniss shook her head and hopped off the bed. “I’m going home. Night.”

Both Effie and Haymitch answered her with a distracted goodnight but they were also still staring at each other with a weird intensity that she couldn’t quite name.

She wasn’t sure she wanted to name it either…  

Notes:

And that's why we don't talk politics at the diner table, folks XD I hope you enjoyed it! I like it when those two can have a serious talk and understand each other better...