Chapter Text
(Starting midconversation, Rose got drunk and Kanaya's unhappy.)
Kanaya: (Angry) Then I hope your soporific glass bottles can talk, because they're the only company you will have if you insist on avoiding sobriety as though it was plague-ridden. Perhaps, tomorrow morning, the harrowing side effects will bring you to your senses. But probably not. Good night, Rose.
Rose: (Drunk as a skunk) Nite-nite, Kanya Maryme! I hope your grumpyfangs-toothache gets bet(hic) better!
(Kanaya sighs, leaves and closes door. Rose lies down, whispering sweet nothings and drifting into snores.)
(Rose opens her eyes to the battlefield. She is noticeably less drunk, but not completely sober, in the dream bubble. She talks to herself)
Rose: Hmm? Ahh, I must have passed out. (Chuckle)The battlefield, an interesting choice from our ever benevolent horrorterrors. And, once again, they have seen fit to dull the edge of my intoxication. One would not expect gargantuan intergalactic monstrosities to be such prudes. (Pause) But Light's fortune smiles on me; I never lost my grip! I suppose dear Kanaya was right, you'll have to keep me entertained for the rest of this boorish dream. What's that? You want a kiss? (Giggle) Darling, you know I can never refuse you.
(Rose starts chugging her FLASK OF WHISKEY. A breeze stirs in the background. After a few chugs she's interrupted by car beeps. Rose is surprised and sprays alcohol everywhere. John whooshes his dad's car down next to her, navigating with the windy thing.)
John: Hi, Rose! Long time no see!
Rose: (Dazed, slightly drunk) John? Is that really you... driving a flying car?
John: I'm sorry, Rose. I think I shocked the sarcasm out of you, along with all that apple juice!
Rose: (Slyly) Don't play innocent, John, I think you knew that all the girls would be dazzled by your stunning airborne ride.
John: (Chuckle) Yeah, I'm basically king of stud mountain. (Trying to be smooth) Jump in, sweetcheeks, and maybe I'll take you 'round the block a few times.
Rose: Swoon! My parents think he's trouble but I just can't resist!
(Car door opens, then closes.)
John: All aboard! And buckle up, because it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Rose: It's good to know that safety is a priority on Skaian Heirways. (Seatbelt snap) Tell me, how's the beverage and food service?
John: All we have are nuts, and we need them to pilot this thing! (John imitates a pilot and makes a static noise)Please turn off all electronic or magic devices and return your seatbacks and cauldrons to their full upright positions. Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff.
(Windy thing sound effect. Keep slight background breeze until the car stops.)
John: We have lifdoff! I'll make sure to announce the scenic views we pass during flight. On our left we have a bunch of giant dead chess monsters. So, tell me Rose, what have you been up to?
Rose: Do you mean before or after I went on a suicide mission, ascended to godhood, created the Green Sun, and united with the trolls?
John: After.
Rose: After we scrubbed the ubiquitous troll blood off the walls, we settled in for the long haul. Sure, we break up the monotony with juvenile dramas and forays into dream bubbles, but it mostly comes down to passing time until we arrive at our destination. (Pause) Oh, and Kanaya is my girlfriend, now.
John: (Awkwardly) Oh, uhm... do you mean she's like a girl who is also your friend or uh...
Rose: (Slyly) No, I'm afraid I mean 'girlfriend' in the classic sense, John. Tell me, do homosexual relationships disturb you?
John: (Nervously) No! I love lesbians as much as the next guy! Er, by that I mean-(Rose interrupts)
Rose: (Laugh) Relax, John. It's good to see you haven't changed.
John: Sheesh! I forgot how snarky you can get. (Pause) If you look out the window, we're passing over what is basically the Grand Canyon made by Prospit's falling moon.
Rose: How fares your own intrepid outfit? I imagine life is far more glamorous aboard the Prospitian battleship.
John: (Sulkily) Yeah right! Jade and Dave sprite paired up spend so much time dating and smooching that I have almost nobody to talk to, except my Nanna and those brainless consorts. I spend so much time bored out of my gourd!
Rose: I'll drink to that! (Gulp)
John: Rose, I think that apple juice is spoiled. It doesn't smell right and, no offense, but you smell kinda funky too.
Rose: You could say it's a more mature sort of apple juice. Free time breeds all manner of intriguing... experimentation. I've managed to craft several potent brews with the alchemiter.
John: Didn't you hate it when your Mom drank?
Rose: Looking back, I was quite the handful for any single mother. She needed some outlet for her frustration, and, like her, I have 'children' of my own to baby sit. I find these spirits quite soothing for the nerves. Want a sip?
John: Uh, no thanks. I've got to keep a clear head for flying!
Rose: Suit yourself. (Gulp)
John: Speaking of flying, I've been neglecting my pilot duties! On our right you can see the hole I made as I dug down to the tumor. On our left is one of Prospit's many castles-oh.
Rose: John? (Quietly) Is that...?
John: (Somberly) Yeah, it's the castle where we met for the very first time. And where Jack killed your Mom and my Dad. (Pause) Rose, can I tell you something without you going all psych-therapist mode on me?
Rose: (Sincerely) You can tell me anything, John. I won't judge.
John: Not long after we left our session, in a dream, I found myself back at that castle. I don't really know why I went inside, I guess I had something to prove. (Pause) That crazy grimdark cloud filled the whole sky and covered the place with oily rain. That was you, wasn't it?
Rose: Yes, I condensed my grief into black liquid sorrow.
John: I retraced our steps up the tower, over all the blood and bodies and his footprints, everything just the way I remembered... I climbed all the way to the last staircase. But I couldn't, Rose. I just couldn't go up those stairs! I knew my Dad was up there, and maybe Jack too. I wanted to go up and say goodbye to my Dad, or at least get dream revenge on Jack. But I... couldn't. So, I ran away.(Pause) Am I a coward, Rose?
Rose: John, you are many things, but a coward is not one of them. Don't torture yourself over something you cannot change. That's just my opinion as a non-psych-therapist.
(Silence for a couple seconds)
John: I changed my mind. Can I try some of that?
Rose: Here.
(Rose passes the bottle. John tries it.)
John: Ugh! Foul. Rose, how do you drink this stuff?
Rose: You get used to it.
(John tries a bit more, then passes the bottle back)
Rose: (Changing the subject, more upbeat) Could you appease my curiosity by telling me how you got a car?
John: (Upbeat) Oh, sure! I kinda just appeared inside it after I went to sleep. It's a memory from back in our game session. I found my Dad's wallet on the ground and he had a spare car sitting around inside it. I went on a crazy adventure with a black chess guy, and we went all over Skaia, just like we're doing now! It was kind of like the magic carpet ride from Aladdin. I showed him the world, Rose. At least I did until we crashed into something.
Rose: (Quietly) Tree.
John: That's right, it was a tree!
Rose: (Louder) Tree, John.
John: Yeah, how did you know about that? I thought-
Rose: (Panicky) John, watch out for that-
(The car runs headlong into a tree. Have fun with the sound effects.)
Rose: (Weakly) Tree...
John: (Coughing) My old nemesis... we meet again.
Rose: John, if you can't evade the arboreal menace, it's probably for the best that you never got your license.
John: Only because I never got to take driver's ed.!
Rose: (Rummaging) At least my bottle survived...
(Banging sound)
John: Damn, the door is too bent to open. Yours looks wedged on the tree.
Rose: Try crawling to the back seat.
(Scuffling, grunting noises.)
John: Okay, you next.
Rose: There's something pinching my leg. I'm stuck.
John: Here, I'll pull you back between the seats.
Rose: Careful, John. Mind your mangrit.
John: Okay, 3, 2, 1, heave!
(More scuffling, grunting, then they are in the back seat.)
John: (Bashfully) I'm sorry, I ruined our magic tour.
Rose: (Tipsy) To be honest, I've seen it all before. Usually my dreams on the battlefield end with me idly floating around the skies until I wake up. (Take a swig) It's good to have company for once, even under the circumstances.
John: Yeah, it's uh, kind of cramped back here.
(Pause)
Rose: You know, I used to have a thing for you.
John: Uhm, do you think you've maybe had enough? You're starting to spout crazy talk. (Try to laugh, fail at it.)
Rose: Oh, c'mon. You've never felt the same for me?
John: (Nervous) I don't know if we should talk about this...
Rose: Here, try some brown liquid courage.
John: I guess just a little more won't hurt. (Bottoms up) Maybe it was all the excitement, or wishful thinking, or even the shipping grid Karkat drew, but 13 year-old me really thought that he'd marry you some day. Silly, right?
Rose: It's not silly, John. (Gloomily) When Jack stabbed you, I thought I had lost you. It felt like something broke, and I went into a rage. A futile rage, as it turned out.
John: I thought I'd lost you too, after I came back. I um, I had to smooch your corpse to bring dream you back to life.
Rose: I guess that makes you my Prince Charming?
John: (Laugh) Frankly, Rose, it was actually pretty gross.
Rose: (Seductively) Maybe I could make it up to you with the real thing?
John: (Nervous) Uh, aren't you... kind of... um, spoken for?
Rose: It's just a kiss.
(Pause)
John: Okay.
(Sloppy makeouts ensue in the backseat of John's Dad's car. Sooner or later, John moves to cop a feel. John halts makeouts.)
John: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch-
Rose: John, it's fine. I won't break when handled.
John: But Kanaya...
Rose: She rejected me, she doesn't want me. It's clear that you do. Come on, John, now's your chance! Who knows when we'll meet agai-? (John smooch-interrupts)
(More makeouts, this time with fondling. Eventually hands move south.)
John: Geez, you're pretty wet.
Rose: And you're stiff as wizard's wand.
John: (Deadpan) Rose, don't make this weird.
(Rose laughs. Fondles continue for a bit.)
Rose: Help me get my pants off.
(Scuffling)
Rose: Panties too, John!
(Quieter scuffling)
John: How are we gonna do this? I need to know what angle to use.
Rose: Just sit back and let me get on and... (Gasp) There.
(Sex! Moans! Gasps! Etc. Insert following lines during sex, each section broken into segments. Feel free to insert above sex noises midline wherever you feel necessary.)
Rose: Your girth is quite impressive. I think you might even beat Kanaya's largest toy.
John: Don't... don't say her name while we... you know.
Rose: (Pause.) Please, accept my sincerest apologies. I'll make it up to you later.
---------------------------------
Rose: Unf! Unf! Nnnff!
John: Too hard?
Rose: Not hard enough! C'mon, I'm not made of fine china. Put your back into it!
---------------------------------
(Rose takes a few gulps from the bottle midsex)
John: Rose? Are you still drinking?
Rose: Don't worry, I saved some for you.
John: Whuh-oh- (Rose puts the bottle to his lips and John takes a few more swallows) Bleuuugh, it makes me wanna throw up.
Rose: (Fake shocked) Oh no, not on these fine leather seats! The upholstery would be ruin-(Smooch)
---------------------------------
John: (Bangs his head on the car roof) Shit! This place is too damn cramped.
Rose: (Giggle) Too tight for comfort, John?
---------------------------------
(At the end, Rose orgasms alone.)
Rose: John... uhn. John, I'm close. I'm gonna... (Orgasm)
(Wait a bit for Rose to recover.)
Rose: Did you...?
John: Uh, no. But it was really good, so don't worry-
Rose: John, I said I'd make it up to you, and I mean to keep my word. Let me just shift a little... there.
John: Rose, I think I'm knocking on the wrong door here, if you know what I mean.
Rose: It's not wrong if I say it's right. Kan- er, that is to say, nobody else has tried my other avenue of approach.
John: But- (Rose smooches him)
Rose: Shhhh, just start pushing.
(Anal sex! Same as before, lines to be inserted... Into the scene, that is. Not rectally.)
John: Geez, it's pretty, y'know, tight.
Rose: I should keep a lubricant on me for situations like this. One other than the social variety.
---------------------------------
Rose: Unh! Ah! Ouch! (Ultra girly, whiny voice) John, please, try to treat me like the delicate flower I am.
John: Augh, make up your mind!
Rose: (Laughs.) Just kidding. (Moan) Relax, John, I want you to enjoy this as much as I am. (Smooch)
---------------------------------
Rose: Don't forget the existence of my breasts. They feel sorely neglected.
John: I can fix that.
---------------------------------
John: Rose, I think ungh, I think I'm about to blow. Should I pull out?
Rose: Don't worry, Seers are immune to anal impregnation. Fire when ready, John.
(John snorts.)
(John orgasms. In the afterglow, both breath hard as they recover.)
Rose: It's about now that the guilt is supposed to set in, right?
John: And... Is it?
Rose: (Long pause) Yes. (Shorter pause) I'm sorry John, I think this was a mistake.
John: (Pause) Can I ask a very personal question?
Rose: After what we've done, I'm not sure how much more personal this can get.
(Pause for a good 3 second awkward silence.)
John: Rose... (Speaking rapidly) Do you love Kanaya?
Rose: My, my, that is a personal question.
John: Well... do you?
Rose: (Pause, beginning timidly) Our relationship is, at the risk of sounding terribly cliche, complicated. We argue over issues that, in retrospective, seem almost meaningless. On the other hand, she and I have so much in common. Once we got past our initial snark-off, our interests, our goals, and our personalities meshed together.
Rose: (Pause, then more confidently) It's more than that, though. Back when I first began to descend into the dark magics, she was always there, fussing and bothering. Though I didn't appreciate it at the time, she always held my best interests in mind. She makes me want to try harder, to stop drinking as a crutch, to become a better person. In that way, she really is my better half.
Rose: (Pause, then very confidently) Kanaya and I have had our disagreements, tonight most definitely included, but they will not be the end of us. To answer your question... Yes, I do love her.
Rose: (Pause, quietly) We can't do this again, John.
John: I understand. I don't want to mess up what you and she have... any more than I already did.
Rose: This isn't your fault. This was my decision. I will (Pause) have to tell her what I've done. (Quietly)
John: Maybe she'll understand? I mean, trolls have weird love/hate going on with loads of people at the same time, don't they?
Rose: Yes, but they still know a betrayal when it slaps them in the face. I can only hope Kanaya can, in time, come to forgive me.
(A drawn out pause.)
John: I think it's time for me to wake up. I'm getting pulled away.
Rose: Goodbye for now, John. I know we will meet again in the new session.
John: I can hardly wait. Bye Rose, see you soon!
(John fades away with some spectacular sound effect. Rose picks up and rolls the liquor bottle in her hands. Add glass and shifting liquid sound effects. Rose rolls down a backseat window.)
Rose: As for you, my darling, I think I've had enough.
(Rose chucks the bottle out the window and it shatters on the ground.)