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She looks tired, but fierce, laying in the hospital bed, holding her newborn daughter. It's one thirty in the morning, and he'd just got into town, and snuck past the night nurse hoping to find her awake.
"Come closer, Dodger, we don't bite." She says this with a little smirk.
"Babies," he informs her as he walks to her side, "are notorious biters."
She laughs, softly, to not wake the baby, but the way her head tilts back into the pillow and she squeezes her tired eyes shut… it makes him smile too.
"Do you want to hold her?" Rory asks, looking at him again, and he feels like a deer caught in headlights under her blue gaze because it's not a request.
"What’s her name?" he asks.
Rory is beaming down at the bundle in her arms. "Lorelai Emily Gilmore. Lola."
"Huh," he says. "Cute."
She makes a face, and says, "Hold your arms out."
He realizes she's about to hand over a baby, and is convinced his arms are made of spaghetti, but he gets them ready because she is determined he meet this baby, and --
"Huh," he says, staring down into his arms, where the baby's eyes have blinked open and they are Gilmore blue. "Hello, Lola," he says.
"That’s your Uncle Jess," says Rory fondly, and his heart constricts, and he realizes he's in the power of another Gilmore girl.
So when Rory says his name like a question, he says, "Yes," because that's his answer.
"I know we're not religious or anything, but will you be her godfather? Like, I mean, if something happened to me, and Mom and Luke, and I guess Grandma too, and--"
"Yes," he says again, and looks her in the eyes to make sure she hears it. She nods once, her eyes shiny and her lower lip a little trembly. "Lane?" he asks, and that's all it takes: she's smiling again.
"Naturally. I asked her to be Lola's godmother earlier today when she was here. There is a lot of crying involved with this process, you know."
"You don't say?" He tries for nonchalant, but there is a literal tear rolling off the end of his nose onto Lola's pink and blue striped hospital blanket.
No way Rory saw that, but she must hear something in his voice because she laughs. "Isn't she perfect?"
"She is," Jess admits, from where Lola has her entire little fist around his one pinky finger.
"I got you each a book for the occasion," he says after some time, gesturing to the bag at Rory's side, which he'd set down upon realizing he was about to have his arms full of baby whether he liked it or not.
"You didn't have to do that," Rory says reprovingly, and he wonders if this is really about the books he left on Rory's old built-in bookshelves for the baby when he came to help Luke set up the crib and changing table.
That baby is this baby, is Lola, he thinks, looking down at where she's snuggled in his arms. He knows that he never wants to leave, but when life forces him to, the next time he comes back he knows he'll have another book for Lola.
"How’s your book?" he asks, because it's been a busy day, but she's still Rory, and she makes like she's going to get up. He waves her down with one hand, the other still supporting Lola.
"Over there," she points, and he grabs her laptop bag and brings it to her.
Lola begins to stir, moving her head from side to side and making snuffling noises.
"I know, I know," Rory murmurs, as she types and clicks at the laptop. "There -- got it -- trade ya!"
Jess hands her Lola and takes the laptop, settling into a chair by the bed as Rory slips out of her hospital gown to feed Lola. They don't talk about it, they just settle into their tasks: Rory singing a Cure song to Lola as she nurses, Jess tapping his foot along with the rhythm as he reads Rory's latest chapter of the tentatively titled Gilmore Girls .
*
Jess wakes the next morning to the sound of Lorelai off on one of her ranting tangents. He stretches, opens his eyes, and finds that Logan is staring down at him, eyes full of hurt, where Jess is sitting in the chair right up against Rory's bed. Jess is still holding Lola.
"Don’t wake her up," he says quietly, to Lorelai, to Logan, to no one in particular. He's not sure if he's talking about Lola or Rory. He's delirious with lack of sleep, because he drove all the way from Philly last night and he's maybe been out an hour and a half.
Lorelai's eyes soften when she sees that Rory is asleep. Logan is still staring at Lola.
"Can I hold my daughter?" Logan says, each word crisp and just on the right side of pleasant and polite. Jess, who has no reason not to, other than that he doesn't want to, complies and even stands to let Logan have the chair before he hands Lola over, moving it slightly away from the bed so they won't disturb Rory, who’s been asleep about three hours now and is due to wake up for Lola's feeding soon.
Sure enough, not five minutes after Logan settles into staring at Lola, she begins to do that shuffling thing, and Rory stirs awake with the first cry.
"She's hungry," Jess says, and Rory nods and reaches out, before realizing that Jess doesn't have Lola.
"Logan," she says with some surprise. "You're here."
Jess slips out of the room and down the hall to get a cup of bad coffee from the vending machine. He's thinking about not going back, because this is just too awkward, but his bag is still in Rory's room so instead he gets a cup of coffee for Lorelai too.
She gives him a very contemplative look as he hands it over, as contemplative as pre-coffee Lorelai can get, and he ignores it in favor of drinking the bad coffee.
"You're here early," she says, and he could just die instead. "Like, we harassed them until they let us in and you were already here early."
"I'm punctual now," he says with a wry half grin.
"Mm-hmm," Lorelai says with that contemplative look.
Luke walks in then, and he looks surprised to see Jess too, but he just gives Jess that hang-dog look he usually gives him since he last brought up Jess's feelings for Rory. That "What are you doing to yourself?" look that only lasts a second before Luke is hugging Jess to say hello.
He hears Logan ask, "What’s her name?" and Rory replies, "What’s the point in having a big fancy naming ceremony if I just tell all of you now?" and Jess realizes he's the only one in the room she's told and his heart clenches for a second.
He wants to hold Lola again. While Rory was sleeping, he was holding Lola and reading to her from the manuscript he was editing and something about that felt so right, the way nothing has ever felt right in Jess's life without Rory. He can't explain it, but he feels a fierce love for this baby already, and the fact that he's the only one who knows her name means Rory knows it too.
His goddaughter. Lola.
*
Rory goes home that afternoon, because she and Lola are both healthy and able. Rory isn't allowed to drive for eight weeks, so Lorelai drives them, and Jess doesn't know what to do, so he follows. He stops off at the diner to drop his things in the apartment above, because that's where he stays when he's in Stars Hollow, and then he drives out to Lorelai's house, where Rory and Lola are staying for now.
Rory is set up on the couch, taking Lola out of her carseat and settling back with a contented sigh. She smiles at him when he walks in. Logan, who also followed them home, does not.
"Coffee," says Lorelai plaintively to the world, and Jess nods and heads to the kitchen to make it.
Luke is there, looking around like he's in a foreign country.
"You okay?" Jess asks as he grabs the filters from the cabinet and measures the grounds. He makes a full pot, because it's for Lorelai after all.
"Yeah," Luke says, quiet and contemplative. "She's perfect, isn't she?"
"Yeah," Jess agrees, and Luke looks like he wants to say something else, so he quickly adds, "How’s it feel to be a grandpa?"
Luke looks like he's going to protest, but then he smiles beatifically and says, "She's perfect," again, and Jess nods. Jess pours the coffee while Luke starts making dinner for everyone.
Logan is standing in the living room looking uncomfortable and unsure, so Jess bypasses him and hands Lorelai the coffee and Rory a water, which they both gulp down gratefully. He asks if either of them needs anything, but he’s looking at Rory.
"I need help up," Rory says, "I think she pooped."
"I got it," Jess assures her, lifting Lola out of Rory's arms with a grunt. "You rest now, you can get the next ten or so."
He doesn't think about it, just does it, and that's how Jess changes his first diaper. He's read something about it, so it's not like he's clueless as he takes Lola back to Rory's old room where the crib and changing table are -- he knows to wipe front to back -- but he's never actually done this before.
Sure enough, Lola's diaper is filled with a black, tarlike substance that he guesses is baby's first poop. He quietly, just for Lola, sings to her while he changes her diaper, the same Cure song Rory was singing earlier, and that keeps her wide blue eyes on him while she fusses about the chill air conditioner.
"However far away, I will always love you, however long I stay, I will always love you, whatever words I say, I will always love you, I will always love you."
He throws the dirty diaper in the diaper genie and brings Lola back to Rory, who is smiling at him for some reason as Logan tries to talk to her about trust funds and college funds he's setting up.
There's a knock at the door, and Lorelai comes back to the living room with Emily Gilmore herself, who is looking around like she's seeing this house for the first time.
"Have you even fixed the --" she's asking, and Lorelai rolls her eyes.
"Yes, Mom, Luke baby-proofed the whole place months ago. Everything is fine."
"What’s her name?" Emily asks, and Rory shakes her head.
"At the ceremony, Grandma," Rory says, and Jess can't help but think that Emily will be pleased when she hears the newest little Lorelai's middle name.
Jess feels like he shouldn't be here, like he should be anywhere else but here, but he can't bring himself to go anywhere else. This is where Rory and Lola are, and so he's stuck. Instead he busies himself by helping Luke make dinner. They don't talk while they cook, and years of experience mean they can work around each other without a word. Well, almost.
"Salt," says Luke, holding out his hand without looking up from his pan, and Jess passes him the salt.
"Done," says Jess when he completes a dish, and sets it to the side.
See? They do communicate.
"Tell them it's ready," Luke says after a while.
Jess goes back into the living room just in time for Lorelai to pointedly say to Logan, "Well, I saved you a room at the inn, because we didn't know if Odette was coming with you."
So the blond Yale dick isn't welcome in Lorelai's house. That's a thing he now knows.
Jess tells them the food is ready, and helps Rory up off the couch. Lola is asleep in the newborn insert of her pack-and-play, and Jess figures she's good there for now. He helps Rory to a seat and presents her with a plate of food, which earns him an odd look from Rory, but he shrugs so she shrugs and digs in with that Gilmore gusto.
Logan is looking like he just sucked on a lemon, so Jess takes a big bite of his pot roast and grins around it. It's a good enough bite that it shifts his focus to his plate for the next several minutes, while Lorelai and Emily bicker about something or another.
There aren't enough seats for everyone, so Jess is eating standing up, leaning back onto the stove, and he can still feel its heat on his back. He takes a bite of mashed potatoes and feels he could have put more butter if Luke hadn't stopped him. Over the sounds of the Gilmore girls -- because now Rory's joined the conversation -- Jess hears something that might be a baby noise, so he puts his plate down and goes to check on Lola.
She's awake, and about to start crying about it, so Jess picks her up and brings her to the kitchen. The room goes silent, as Lola speaks up.
"She wanted in on this," Jess says lamely, because everyone is staring at him. "Says she's a Gilmore girl too."
Rory laughs and holds out her hands, so Jess hands over Lola. Rory starts to feed her, which she is absolutely not shy about doing, even though Emily chastises her and Luke and Logan look distinctly uncomfortable.
"Hey," Lorelai says sharply, "when my nameless granddaughter is hungry, she eats. If you don't like it, put a blanket over your head." She glares around the room until everyone's face is somewhat normal, then goes right back to talking to Rory about the movie the two of them were watching when Rory went into labor, like they hadn't all just been arguing about something else entirely.
"I'm heading out," Jess says to Rory, before he can spoil it all by saying something stupid, like, "Please let me stay with you."
After assuring Luke that he plans to be in town for at least the weekend, Jess crouches down next to Rory where, in her arms, Lola has finished eating and looks at him with sleepy, milk-drunk eyes. He focuses on Lola, and no one else in the room, though he has the distinct impression that he is being watched. No one is saying anything.
"I got you a welcome home book," he says to Lola, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a Sandra Boynton board book.
"You did not!" Rory laughs, and he glares at her.
"You can’t start them too early," he says, and she nods at him with a mock-serious expression.
"True, but you also can't buy her a new book every time she does something interesting."
"Watch me," Jess says defiantly. "Godfather's privilege."
From somewhere behind him he hears a sharp intake of breath -- from whom he doesn't know -- and he guesses Rory didn't tell everyone about that plan.
He doesn't care, though. It doesn't matter. She asked him, and he said yes, and this is how it's going to be now. Two Gilmore girls with Jess wrapped around their fingers.
He goes back to the apartment above the diner and collapses on what used to be his bed, once upon a time. Life had seemed so complicated then, and it looks so simple, in retrospect.
He wonders how all of this will look, in retrospect.
*
The next day is the big naming ceremony. They're doing it in Lorelai's back yard, under the chuppah Luke carved for Lorelai when he thought he'd lost her forever, which Lorelai kept even when she dumped the man, and turned into a symbol of their love.
Ms. Patty is holding a wireless microphone, and she calls out, "Introducing…" she opens an envelope, and with great dramatic effect reads, "Miss Lorelai Emily Gilmore! To be called Lola for short."
The town, or as many of them as could be legally gathered at Lorelai's house, cheers, and Rory comes out carrying Lola, flanked by Jess and Lane. Ms. Patty hands Rory the microphone.
"Thank you," she says as the applause dies down. "From the bottom of our hearts, Lola and I thank you for coming. If you know us Gilmores, you know we're big on words, but not on speeches, so let's get this party started!"
The town cheers again, and they begin to mingle. Ms. Patty made her famous punch, usually reserved only for Founder's Day, and Jess knows better, but he lets her press a plastic cup into his hand and takes a deep gulp. He hasn't taken his eyes off of Rory and Lola yet, though they are constantly in an admiring crowd. It's not like he's staring , he's just… keeping an eye on them. He probably doesn't manage to keep Rory from noticing, because he's on his third cup of punch and he's really starting to feel it.
Lorelai comes bouncing up to talk to him, and she's making an obvious effort that he can't ignore, but he’s a little drunk and what she's doing is trying to cheer him up . It's unnerving.
"I'm fine," he growls, squeezing his cup a little too hard. She distracted him. He can't see Rory and Lola.
"Tell that to your face," Lorelai retorts, pointing her equally drunken finger directly in his face.
He finds them, and literally sighs with relief. Lorelai looks at him with the biggest sad eyes he's ever seen.
"After all this time, Severus?"
He rolls his eyes. "That’s enough punch for you." And he does what he's best at: Jess runs away.
He doesn't go far. Just away from Lorelai is good enough for now. What he doesn't count on, while his eyes track Rory and by extension Lola, is almost literally running into Logan.
"Party foul," jokes Logan, shaking off the droplets of punch that spilled onto his hand.
"I'd be careful there," Jess says, gesturing to the cup in Logan's other hand. "You may have been the belle of the ball at Yale, but Ms. Patty was on Broadway."
"Is this the part where I tell you to stay away from my girls?" Logan may look bored, but his eyes are sharp.
And Jess is almost drunk enough to do it. He's almost drunk enough, damn Ms. Patty and her punch, to say, "Is this the part where I tell you to make me?" and he'd even let Logan take the first swing. But…
But Rory is looking at them, one eyebrow raised, and she's holding Lola.
Jess grins, says, "Nope," and does what Jess does best: he runs away.
He doesn't go far. He goes to get another cup of punch, and finds Morrey smoking a cigarette out back, so he joins him. Jess hasn't had a cigarette since the drive from Philadelphia, not since at the hospital when Rory, who is currently talking to her mother with a worried expression that Jess doesn't like, had wrinkled her nose and said, "You smell like smoke."
But he lights up with Morrey, who is telling him stories about his cat, until Luke finds him there and completely gives Jess that Kronk's New Groove vibe. You know, where he goes down this long pictorial list of his dad's disappointed faces and the cold shoulder and all that shit?
"You realize you're speaking out loud?" Luke says, crossing his arms. "How many cups of punch did you have?"
Jess tries to count and gets lost somewhere around seven, so he holds up eight fingers just to be safe. This one makes nine, though, so he puts up another finger. Luke sighs.
"Jess, what are you doing to yourself?"
Luke shifts, and now Jess can't see Rory or Lola again, and it makes him feel panicky. Luke is still talking, but Jess isn't really listening, because he's just realized he's plastered and he might want to go back to the diner.
"That’s the first sensible thing you've said all night," Luke says, rolling his eyes. "Come on, and buck up, because you gotta make it past the Lorelais first, so act sober ."
Acting sober whilst being drunk is an absolute nightmare, and Jess informs Luke.
"Not that way," Luke mutters back, "Emily's over there. She still hasn't forgotten about that black eye you had the first time you met her."
"Jesus," Jess says, because really ?
"Okay," Luke says, "there they are. Act sober."
Jess is just trying not to laugh, and failing miserably.
"What’s so funny?" Rory asks, and is he drunk or does she sound suspicious?
"Nothing," Luke answers quickly. "Hey, Jess and I are gonna run to the diner real quick. Want me to bring you back some coffee and doughnuts?"
Lorelai, with fucking hearts in her eyes, nods and kisses him so thoroughly that Rory and Jess turn away, making disgusted noises. Jess covers Lola's eyes too, just in case.
Then Luke is tugging at his sleeve and they walk off into the night.
"What the hell was that?!" Jess demands, as Luke drags him down the street by the arm.
"That," Luke says grimly, "is how you handle a Gilmore: distract them with food and coffee. You should take notes, unless you'd rather take after that Hemmingway of yours and drink until you shoot yourself."
They stop walking and just stare at each other for a minute.
"Way harsh, Tai," Jess says finally.
"Sorry," Luke says sincerely, and if Jess is shocked by that, the followup is like a slap to the face: "I just love you, and you're worrying me."
"Have you been listening to those self-help tapes again?" Jess tries, but it comes out weak and a little watery.
"Jess."
"Luke."
Jess starts walking again, in the general direction of the diner, though he is sure his path is not a straight line. Luke catches up to him easily.
"Why don't you just go for it, then?" Luke asks him. "Sober up, take a shower, and go confess your undying love like the softhearted romantic writer you are? You have a lot going for you now, Jess. Why don't you --"
" Because she doesn't want me !" Jess shouts, silencing Luke. "From the moment we met until this one, all she'd have to do to get me is crook her finger, and she knows it . She knows , Luke. And she doesn't do that, because she doesn't want me, okay?"
Luke just looks at him sadly, and holds both of his hands up. "Okay, Jess. Okay."
They walk the rest of the way in silence. Jess starts making the coffee while Luke gathers up the doughnuts. Luke fills up three to-go cups, and holds one out to Jess, but doesn't let go at first, not until Jess looks at him.
"My nephew, it's time for you to look inward and start asking yourself the big question: who are you and what do you want?"
Jess feels a little frightened all of a sudden, but he nods and takes his coffee up to the apartment. After he's drunk the coffee and had a shower and sobered up a bit he gets the reference and laughs until he cries.
He goes to bed alone again, naturally.
*
Jess goes back to Philadelphia, because life moves on, right? But he can't get them out of his head.
So he texts Rory, "You got the goods?"
Ten seconds later, she texts back, "I got the goods right here!" It's a picture of Lola, and her eyes are open.
"Oh, god," says Matt, "Jess is smiling at his phone again. Everyone, take a shot."
"Guys," Chris whines, "can we focus for, like, five seconds on the beautiful presentation I put together? Tentatively titled, 'Why we need to open a New York office, and why Jess needs to lead it' but I'm open to suggestions. Not from you!" he says to Matt, who is awful with titles.
"It's fine," Jess says, "I'll do it."
"But… you haven't seen the presentation yet?"
"No," admits Jess, "but I think I'm ready to go home."
So Jess moves back to the city, and Rory texts him a Spotify link to that St. Vincent song ("New York isn't New York without you love…") and he comes to Stars Hollow that weekend when he's supposed to be unpacking. He brings Lola a book, a cloth contraption that she can slobber all over.
He's been up there every weekend of Lola's life so far, ostensibly to help Rory edit her book. Not that he doesn't gleefully do that, because they do get a lot of work done. It just never feels like work.
It feels like hanging with Lola while Rory catches her three hours of sleep before Lola gets hungry again. It feels like, "Please, Jess? I won't drink any, I just want to smell the coffee!" It feels like falling asleep in a rocking chair in the bedroom that had featured most prominently in his teenage fantasies, which has been remade to accommodate a nursery.
The book is coming along fantastic. Jess is utterly engrossed, and finds himself laughing in all the right places. Then he read the words, " And that's when Jack came to town. To call Jack cool would be a disservice to him -- James Dean was cool in 'Rebel Without a Cause' -- and Jack is what he was going for ."
He notices Rory staring at him as he reads. But he keeps going anyway, right up through, " I told him I think I might have loved him, but I lied: I knew I did. The words were crowding my teeth long past the day he left."
"I'm sorry," he says quietly.
It's very late at night or very early in the morning, and it's just the two of them in Lorelai's kitchen. Lola is asleep, and Rory should be sleeping too, but she isn't. She is staring at him with the saddest eyes.
"I'm sorry too," she says. "For all the things I said I was sorry for in there," she says, pointing to the laptop he is reading off of.
He wants to blow her off and say she didn't do anything wrong, but that's not exactly true and he appreciates the apology. Instead he smiles at her, and she smiles back at him.
*
Lola is four months old, and Rory is going to her first party without her, and it's Jess's fault she's crying right now.
"She'll be fine," he assures her, hand on her knee for comfort, as they drive into the city.
"I know," Rory says, "she's with Mom." But she still looks uneasy.
They go to Jess's apartment to get ready. He takes the "bedroom" and lets her have the bathroom.
She looks beautiful, of course. She's bitching about how her body has changed, and her new dress, but all he sees is how beautiful she looks.
The party is at Truncheon's new New York office, to celebrate its opening. Jess had figured this would be a good opportunity for Rory and her book, which is why he'd invited her in the first place. The book is solid, it's as good as the two of them are going to get it. It's time to find a publisher.
They're early to the party, because Jess is one of the hosts. Rory must have picked something up from her time in the DAR, because she is really good at working the room. Jess introduces her to the right people and just lets her go.
He loses her for a minute, but finds her in his office.
"I was just calling Mom," she says. "Everything is fine."
He lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. She looks relieved too.
That night she sleeps in his bed, and he pretends like he's ever going to fall asleep on the couch with her there.
He lays awake for a little while before giving up and writing instead. He's working on a new book, and he's really excited about it. It's the best he's ever written, really, and he's on a roll when Rory wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and notices him there.
"Sleep," she says tiredly. She runs a light hand through his hair and he closes his eyes where he sits because it feels amazing. He nods, and puts his laptop to the side. The second he does, she grabs him by the hand and drags him to the bed.
After that, he sleeps just fine.
It should be awkward, but it's not. They are both exhausted, and end up holding onto each other in their sleep, and he wakes up with her hair in his mouth, and it's absolutely amazing.
*
Lorelai hosts an unbirthday party for Lola when she turns six months old, and Jess has a hard time explaining to his coworkers why he has to leave the city for this, but it never occurs to him not to be there. It's Alice in Wonderland themed, of course, because it's an unbirthday , and no presents are required because Christmas is coming, but Jess brings Lola a book anyway. It's a storybook about Stonewall, and what happened there. Rory gives him that, "Stop spoiling my kid!" look she gets whenever he shows up with a new book, but if she really wanted him to stop she shouldn't have named him Lola's godfather.
The guest of honor is still being breastfed, but Sookie made a cake for everyone else. They sing, "A very merry Unbirthday!" to Lola, who looks amused and waves her arms about gleefully.
It's the stupidest thing ever, and Jess is so happy to be there.
He swipes a finger through the icing of his cake and lets a teething Lola gnaw on it for a minute, before she gets him real good, and he pulls his hand back with a muffled curse.
"That’s what you get," says Rory, swatting him on the arm as she lifts Lola out of her exersaucer and takes her for a diaper change.
"I'll do it," Jess offers, because he never minds giving Rory a break when he's around, and he makes all kinds of crazy rocketship noises as he and Lola blast off to the room Lola and Rory share.
"How do you not mind changing diapers?" Rory asks suspiciously, and that's when he realizes she's followed him.
"Well," he says as he gets to work, "I don't guess I'd want to be sitting in my own filth either, but she can't really do anything about it. I don’t mind helping her out until she figures out the toilet thing."
Rory nods, clearly amused.
"Lola," he says, "tell your mother to be nice to me."
And Lola actually babbles something. Rory laughs.
"Lola," she says, "tell Uncle Jess he gets to have feelings too."
She gives him a pointed look he cannot fathom the meaning of as she takes Lola back and leaves him standing in her room holding a dirty diaper.
*
He visits Liz and Doula, and by extension TJ, whenever he's in Stars Hollow too. It's heartwrenching, watching his mother get it together for someone else, knowing he was never good enough to keep her sober and present.
But he loves Doula with all his heart, as hesitant as he was to do so, and he's always bringing her comic books and sometimes more serious graphic novels, just to whet her appetite. Doula's no big reader, but she does enjoy her comics.
"So," she asks him, "how does being a godfather work?" They’re rewatching Avatar: The Last Aibender because she is obsessed .
"Well," he says, pausing Zuko's redemption arc, "I basically just act like an extra grownup in Lola's life, and help take care of her. But I get to do a lot more spoiling, and none of the discipline parts."
"Is that why you come over every weekend? To do godfather stuff with Lola?" She looks at him sideways. This is important.
"And brother stuff with you!" he says immediately, and is relieved to see he has answered correctly. Doula nods, and starts up the show again.
Liz is trying to cook, and she always likes to get fancy with it when Jess is in town for some reason, so he makes his excuses and leaves pretty quickly after that.
On his way out, Liz gives him the customary too long hug, and calls him her baby boy, and generally makes a very Liz fuss.
"Take care of yourself," she says, and when he nods along, she says, "No, I mean it! Your aura is super dingy, and I worry about you."
Jess doesn't know how to respond to that, so he just nods again and leaves.
*
Jess is sitting in his office, doing actual grownup work, when his cell phone rings. Not many people have his private number, so he answers it immediately, without checking the caller ID.
And immediately hears a screeching in his ear.
He pulls the phone back to check the caller ID -- it's Rory? -- and says, "Are you okay?"
"I SOLD THE BOOK!" she shouts directly into his ear, and Jess stands up and grabs his coat.
"You sold the book?!" he repeats, just to make sure he has it right.
"Mom knows, she was here when I got the email, but you're the first person I called."
He doesn't know why she's telling him this. Shit like this breaks his heart into little pieces and just pisses on them.
"I'm on my way," he says. "Tell Luke to get the -- never mind, I'll call him on the way."
"Drive safely," Rory says, and it sounds like she's smiling.
It's a Tuesday in December, and he's supposed to go up there next week for Christmas anyway, but Jess figures he can cut out of work early for once in his life and go celebrate with Rory.
He and Luke cook up something fantastic for dinner, something really special to celebrate, and they all drink champagne out of Lorelai's glass Lord of the Rings goblets and Lola is bouncing in her exersaucer babbling pleasantly.
He takes Rory out to the secret bar, and kisses Lola on the head on the way out, saying to the baby, "Don’t wait up!"
They meet up with Lane and Zach, whose kids are old enough to not need a babysitter for their parents to go out, and they all have drinks in a dirty alleyway while Rory tells the story of her triumph.
He walks her back to her mother’s house, where they sit on the porch, pleasantly drunk and leaning into each other on the old furniture.
"Jess," she says, and her voice is quiet.
Just his name, and it's only one syllable, but there’s so much to it when she says it.
"What?" he asks, trying to sober up, because he's got a feeling this is something serious.
"When did you stop loving me?"
Jess chokes on his own spit, and spends the next minute hacking into his elbow. When he settles down, he looks over at her.
"What?" he asks again.
"Did I do something, or did it just fade with time, or… I don't know. I was just curious."
"I don't know," he says, and because he's drunk and he can't lie when he's drunk -- he can't lie to Rory at all, even sober -- he adds, "I never did get around to it."
She kisses him, then, and it's like slipping into a warm bath after a long day. It's like a drink of water after running a marathon. It's like watching the sun rise.
He intends to kiss her forever, because this may be his only chance. If this is how he dies, then this is how he dies. But eventually she pulls back and says, "Do you wanna go up to the diner before we go in?"
"I could make you some coffee," he says hesitantly, in case he's misunderstood somehow, and she smiles.
"And doughnuts?"
"I think we can do better than that."
He's sober-ish by the time they get there, enough to make her a good drunken breakfast feast. When they're done eating, and drinking the coffee, they're both sober again.
"Would you like to go upstairs?" He still feels like he's playing this by ear, but Rory just picks up her enormous coffee mug and takes his hand in her other one, and leads him up the stairs.
Now they're in his teenage bedroom, and Jess feels like a live wire, like he might shoot off sparks if he raises his hand too fast. So he moves slowly.
"We could get within a foot of each other," she suggests with a wry smile, and he laughs, but then they walk closer to each other and they're suddenly kissing again.
"At least we know that part still works," he says, all cheek, and she grins at him.
"Bed," she says, and he nods, so they head that way.
"Protection?" he asks.
"IUD," is her reply as she begins to dig around in her purse. "Plus, I've got condoms. Regular, flavored, or latex-free?"
He laughs and picks the first one she holds out. This is peak Rory. This is somehow exactly how it should be, he thinks as he removes her dress and kisses a line down her neck and across her shoulder.
"I haven't… it's been a while," she says hesitantly, as he works her lace panties off.
"How long?" he asks, just to sate his curiosity.
"Lola's conception," she admits with a frown, and he nods.
"About the same for me," he tells her honestly. "We can take this slow."
He lays down next to her -- they're both naked now -- and they kiss again, until Rory begins to make high, needy noises in the back of her throat. He still feels like a live wire, still feels like he should be careful how he moves, and he doesn't even know what she wants from him after tonight, but he wasn’t joking when he told Luke that all she has to do is crook her finger and he'd come running.
So he goes down on her for a while, because he wants to know everything about her in case this is his only shot.
This, sex, has always been something Jess has been very good at. He's a good listener, and listening to your partner is, like, 80% of being good at sex. So he listens to her, and adjusts accordingly, and repeats certain actions until her high-pitched wails fill the room, and her arched back collapses, and she says, "Now, Jess, now, please!"
Then he rolls on the condom like this is not a big deal, but when he's fully sheathed inside of her, he stops for a moment and they just stare at each other with wide eyes and heavy breaths while she clutches his arms a little too tightly.
He feels her clench around him, and begins to move; they begin to move together. And he still doesn't know what this means, or how long he's got, so he focuses on making her come as much as he can before it's over. He pulls out every trick he knows to keep her coming and keep him going. Then she's begging him to come, come with her, and he can't resist the notion, so he finally lets go.
They're laying next to each other, all squished up in the twin-sized bed, when he says, "I have to go home tonight. I have work in the morning."
It's possibly the stupidest thing he could have said, and maybe he's still a little drunk, because there is no other explanation.
"Are you coming back for Christmas?" Rory asks, her voice small.
"Of course. Friday night, I'll be here, till New Year's Day."
She nods, and snuggles into him. His arms are glued together around her, and he couldn't move right now to save his life.
"Rory," he asks, because he's really on a roll, "what is this? I mean, if you're just wanting to get back in the game, and you needed a safe place to do it, I'll understand, but --"
"I love you," she interrupts, and that shuts him up, but suddenly she looks unsure. "You… you said that… that you never stopped…"
"Always have, always will," he says, because he'd have to be a monster not to reassure her in that moment.
She beams up at him, and his heart melts.
He has to get up eventually, and they get dressed in a companionable silence. He walks her back to her mother's house. It’s almost three in the morning, and by the time he gets back home he'll only be taking a nap before work.
Still, he spends about twenty minutes kissing her at the door, and when he finally pulls back, he says, "I love you, Rory," and is surprised by how easy it is to say the words out loud.
"Friday," she says, like she's checking.
"Friday," he confirms, and kisses her one more time.
He puts his Rory playlist on as he drives, and sings along with that Neko Case song ("I would change for you, but babe, that doesn't mean I'm gonna be a better man…") and thinks of the new songs he's going to add to the list. Happier songs. He puts on the Ramones and sings, "Hey, little girl, I wanna be your boyfriend!" loud enough to keep himself awake on the drive back.
Friday. He's coming back on Friday. He just has to make it until then.