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‘Fuck, how did this happen. I must look like an idiot, staring into space.’ The conversation has been going on for what feels like hours. Heart racing, head burning, she starts to break into a cold sweat. Keeri elbows her side as Zazzalil is brought out of her spiral, only to find everyone staring at her.
“Zazz, your phone number… for the group chat.” Keeri whispers out of the side of her mouth, sounding more annoyed than concerned, a clear sign that she is aware of the current situation.
“Oh… Uh, yeah it’s…” Zazzalil mumbles out her phone number to the short girl with square glasses and too much energy that she’s seen around campus. She seems to be in a hurry and slightly impatient. Zazzalil can’t blame her though, she has no idea how long they have been trying to get her attention. “Seven… seven, three, nine.”
“That’s too many numbers.” The short girl opposite her says.
“Sorry, I… there’s only one seven at the end.”
“Ok, I’ve got to get to another class now, can you make the group chat for the project please?” She asks the tall, beautiful girl standing to the left of Zazzalil.
“No problem, I have a couple hours before my next lecture.”
‘Wow, she even has a beautiful voice’ Zazzalil felt her breath catch in her throat at the sound. Luckily, no one noticed, except for Keeri but she already knew about her enormous crush on the nameless girl who sits in front of her in drama class. The same person that Zazzalil was just put into a group with for their end of year performance. And the same person whose presence standing next to Zazzalil is the cause of her current panicking.
“You’re a lifesaver Milla. I’ll see you tonight.” The short girl shouted as she rushed off to her next lecture.
“See you later Em.”
Milla. Finally a name for Zazzalil’s nameless crush. She also knew that the energetic, short (only slightly shorter than Zazzalil but you take what you can get) girl had a name that started with an ‘Em’ sound. Maybe she could get through any further interactions by only using the shortened version of her name, but maybe it was a nickname that came from years of close friendship. Either way, Zazzalil decided to risk it, it’s at least better than having to ask her what her name is. It’s not like she’d be able to find out her name without asking, and spacing out earlier was too much embarrassment for one day.
Slowly the group disappeared to go to other lectures, or to study, or to go and meet with friends. Zazzalil just stood there, frozen in fear due to the presence of her crush standing beside her.
“See you later Zazz, I have to go to dance practice.” Keeri said as she gave Zazzalil a squeeze on her shoulder to bring her out of her daze.
“Uh… bye.” Zazz turned around to find that everyone else had already left, leaving her alone with the once nameless girl she now knew as Milla, who had been unintentionally distracting her from any lecture they had together. ‘What am I gonna do?’ The panic started to rise in her and she could feel her heart racing again. Her cheeks betrayed her with a bright red blush and her eyes darted around, looking for an escape from the inevitable bad first impression she was going to give.
When the other girl looked at her with a bright smile and concern in her eyes, something about it calmed her down immediately. She lets out a breath she’s been holding and recollects herself. The taller girl's confidence is infectious and soon Zazzalil starts to feel confident too.
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, how about you? Are you excited for the project?”
“I can’t wait to start, writing a musical to perform for our end of year project is definitely the most interesting assignment I have. Speaking of which, I should make that group chat now.”
The other girl walked over to a bench in the corridor and gestured for Zazzalil to follow her. They sat down and pulled out her phone, starting to add all of the new contacts. She looked up and said the most terrifying words she could have.
“What’s your name? Sorry, I don’t think we’ve talked until now. I’d just like to have a name to put in with your number.”
Zazzalil sat frozen. Her crush, talking to her? Asking her what her name was? Since growing up in a fairly large city with a giant school population, she wasn’t used to her crushes actually knowing who she is, even more so, wanting to talk to her.
“Zazzalil.” She didn’t mean for it to sound that cold but she’s fully panicking now.
“It’s nice to meet you.” The taller girl said, holding out her hand.
Zazzalil shook it and couldn’t help but notice how soft her skin was compared to her own where she refused to put on moisturiser unless there were visible cracks.
“Oh, right. You don’t know me. I’m J-”
“I think I heard someone call you Milla.” ‘Crap’ She hadn’t meant to interrupt her. Now she was the spacy girl with dry skin who interrupts people.
“That’s just a nickname. My name’s Jemilla but you could call me Milla if you want, most people do.”
Feeling her confidence build again at Jemilla’s kind tone, Zazzalil decided to try and turn this brief interaction into a full conversation. Apart from the time they’d be spending together for the project, she didn’t know how often they would interact so decided to take a chance to get to know her.
“Is it a nickname because it has a fun double meaning or just because it’s the second half of your name?” She asked, hoping that her tone is more playful than her previous attempts at talking to her beautiful crush.
“Oh, It’s just the last half of my name.”
“Shouldn’t a nickname have more meaning than that?”
“You're one to talk ‘Zazz’. Or did I not hear Keeri call you that?” Her tone was light and playful. The sound gave Zazz a new confidence.
“Why can’t it be both? A nickname could be half of your name but still mean something. For example, the first half of your name.”
She shot Zazz a quizzical look. “Jem? What does that mean?” She asked, sounding genuinely confused.
“Jem as in G-E-M. Like a gemstone.” ‘Where is this confidence coming from? It doesn't matter, she’s smiling. Keep going.’ The other girl blushed and smiled brightly at Zazz.
“Just to be clear, you’re flirting with me?” she asked quickly.
“Yeah, if you aren’t into girls thats fi-”
“No, no I definitely am. I’m just a bit bad at recognising it.”
“Ok, well… I am flirting with you… because…” Zazz took a deep breath as finished her sentence before her anxiety could get a hold of the words. “I.. Um, I maybe have a little, small crush on you. If you’re seeing someone or you don’t want me to, I’ll stop. Flirting, that is. I don’t know how to stop having a crush.”
“I… I don’t want you to stop.” Her smile lit up her face and the glow she emitted seemed to brighten the whole world.
Zazzalil felt safe with her and relaxed. She breathed out before continuing.
“Do you have any ideas about what our musical could be about?”
“I have no clue. I think I overheard someone in our group mentioning the stone age though. That could be really fun.”
Zazzalil laughed to herself at the thought of her group all running around the stage, wearing loincloths and shouting incoherent chants.
“I have to go now, I have to work. It was really nice meeting you…” The taller girl stood up and looked at her with an expression that Zazzalil couldn’t read. She followed her action and also stood up.
“Have you forgotten my name already?” Zazzalil asks with a hint of flirtation.
“No, I’m just trying to think of a nickname for you.”
“Zazz, pretty much everyone calls me that.”
“But that’s only the first half of your name. We just decided that a nickname should be more than that. Besides, you gave me a new nickname, I think it’s only fair to return the favor.”
“It could mean that I have pazazz. Ok Jem, if you insist, hit me with it. What’s my new nickname?”
The taller girl looked Zazzalil up and down as a smirk formed on her lips.
“Lil.”
“But that’s just the second half of my name. There’s no deeper meaning to it.”
“That’s not true. You’re ‘lil.” She responded, gesturing to Zazzalil’s height. Once again her cheeks betrayed her with a blush. Jemilla smiled at her before walking away with a “Goodbye, Lil. I hope to see you again, very soon.” and a wave.
“Goodbye Jem.” Was all she was able to say before the other girl was out of earshot. Zazzalil let out a happy sigh.
“I just talked to and flirted with my nameless crush, and she flirted back.” She said to herself over and over, trying to understand how it happened. She repeated it all the way to her dorm where she flopped into her bed. After some time of staring at the ceiling and seeing only Jemilla’s face, she pulled out her phone. She could see already that there were over fifty messages on a new group chat labeled ‘Drama Project’ but her attention drifted down to another new chat with two messages from an unknown number.
Unknown: Hey Lil.
Unknown: It’s Jemilla by the way.
Zazzalil smiled to herself as she added the contact with a diamond emoji next to her name. She responded.
Zazzalil: hey ;-)