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Roy wasn’t okay, and Johnny knew it. They were off the hook from Crockett, but Johnny knew Roy was still beating himself up over it, anyway. Mr. Meduzi put himself right in front of the squad and faked the damn thing. Hearing that was a great relief to Johnny. He had felt kind of sick, thinking they caused an accident like that. Roy had been pretty messed up too, considering he was the one driving. But Johnny knew Crockett’s words didn’t have the same effect on Roy. He still insisted on Johnny driving the rest of the shift, too nervous to try again. All of Johnny’s attempts at convincing Roy that he did nothing wrong were completely useless. Before they went to sleep, Roy finally asked to come over to Johnny’s for breakfast.
Johnny thought this was interesting. Breakfast was rarely just breakfast between them anymore. It was their way of admitting they needed each other after a particularly hard shift. Comfort, advice, companionship, even simply food sometimes. But a couple of times a month for the last year since they’d been doing this, it was sex, too. It was usually after extra close calls when nothing but falling apart in each other’s arms numbed the worry. But eight times out of ten, it was Johnny who suggested it. So, Roy asking was really indicative of where his mind was at. The only problem being, Johnny didn’t know what Roy needed. He half hoped it was sex, but he chided himself for thinking with the wrong head. Whatever it was, he’d be damned if he couldn’t give Roy exactly what he wanted.
Roy followed Johnny to his apartment in his own car once the shift was over, like he always did. They walked in relative silence up the stairs of Johnny’s building except for the sounds of their shuffling feet on the linoleum. Johnny finally broke the thick, heavy silence once Roy closed the door.
“Roy…” he started.
“I know what you’re gonna say and you should just can it. Mr. Meduzi is fine, but what if he wasn’t, Johnny? I could have seriously injured a man, or worse, because I wasn’t paying attention,” Roy said, cutting Johnny off. He plopped down on Johnny’s couch with a hard, defeated thud.
Johnny was always surprised how freely Roy would open up once the harsh pretenses of the station were gone. Roy felt safe here, it seemed, and it always made Johnny’s heart swell. Johnny really didn’t know what he and Roy “were”, in a sense. Didn’t know what these early morning rendezvous said about them or their relationship, but it hardly mattered to Johnny. It was enough to be with Roy like this, even if Johnny sometimes craved more than he should.
“We were rushing to a woman in labor, Roy. It’s not like you were deliberately being careless. You’re a careful driver. You and I both know we would have stopped immediately had we known,” Johnny said, sitting next to Roy on the couch. He probably sat a little too close, but Johnny needed the comfort, too.
“But we didn’t notice. I mean, how could we not have noticed?”
Roy was really starting to worry Johnny. He was sounding really similar to that time he was down on himself about treating that patient in the ambulance when the connection to Rampart broke. That was the closest Roy had ever come to quitting, and Johnny hated how familiar he sounded now.
“It’s-it’s like Crockett said. The urgency of the call, the sirens. Mr. Meduzi threw himself out in front of the squad. It wasn’t like you tried to hit him. You did nothing wrong.”
Roy simply shook his head and got up from the couch. He started pacing around Johnny’s small living room. Johnny decided to change his approach to the morning.
“What do you need, Roy? I think I have a few eggs in the fridge. I can whip something up. Or we can just hang out on the couch, relax. Seriously, whatever you need Roy, I can—” he was cut off when Roy’s lips found his.
Suddenly, Roy was everywhere, encompassing Johnny’s every sense. He could smell Roy’s generic cologne mixed with a hint of smoke and sweat, the way he always smelled in the mornings after a shift. It probably wasn’t pleasant to anyone but Johnny. He felt Roy’s soft hands caress the sides of his face, squeezing lightly with increasing intensity. Roy tasted like salt and campfire, and his breathy moans from the contact made Johnny’s head spin. He was almost disappointed when Roy pulled away.
“You?”
That Johnny could do. He answered by leading Roy into his bedroom, still kissing as he went. It almost made Johnny dizzy to see how needy Roy was. He was grabbing and squeezing at every available inch of exposed skin on Johnny’s form. Johnny should have realized how much Roy needed this; he was never this explicit.
He sat Roy down on the edge of the bed, kneeling opposite him on the floor. He carefully started undoing every button on Roy’s soft, blue shirt, using his fingers to trace lines down his chest. It earned him a shiver from his partner. Once his shirt was off, Johnny’s mouth was everywhere, leaving red and purple marks in his wake. He hesitated once his hands and mouth reached the waistband of Roy’s pants, pleased at the sight of the bulge his actions had produced.
“Johnny…” Roy whispered, breathy and desperate. Johnny suppressed a grin.
“Need me, do ya, Roy?” It was part tease, but also because Johnny liked to know Roy was absolutely sure before he did anything.
“Please.”
That lit Johnny on fire. All his blood rerouted directly to his own erection, and he needed the feeling of Roy in his mouth to provide any kind of reprieve.
“Gonna take real good care of you,” Johnny said, undoing the button on Roy’s pants.
Not having the strength to drag it out anymore, he immediately closed his mouth around Roy once his pants and underwear were off. Johnny delighted in the pleased “hmm” that rumbled low in Roy’s chest. Roy’s hands were in Johnny’s hair immediately, gripping tightly as Johnny worked. He explored every inch of Roy’s cock, licking and sucking at every available spot. He was more than pleased when Roy started bucking his hips up for more contact.
“Faster, Johnny. Please, faster,” Roy begged.
Johnny simply had no choice when Roy begged like that. He increased the speed of his movements, head bobbing on his partner’s cock rapidly. The mere feeling of Roy’s hand on his head guiding his movements had Johnny palming himself through his pants. Johnny peered up at Roy through his lashes and relished in the sight of his partner. Johnny loved to watch Roy while he sucked him off. He simply couldn’t get enough of the pink that always rose to his cheeks and the way he bit his lip to avoid making any noise. But this time, it was because Johnny needed to know Roy was feeling good. To know he was taking care of Roy.
Roy met Johnny’s eyes after a particularly deep stroke. His pupils were blown wide with need and arousal, and the blue was considerably darker than usual. Johnny felt Roy throb under his tongue and knew he was close. He was surprised, then, when Roy pulled him off and up towards the headboard.
“Wanna—need to… cum with you,” Roy said, panting. Johnny could tell it took a lot of willpower for Roy to stop when he was so close.
“You sure?” Johnny asked. He was desperately hard, but still needed to ask.
Roy answered by undoing Johnny’s pants and pulling him closer. That won Johnny over; his own throbbing cock desperately needed more contact than just his hand through his pants. Once his pants were off, Johnny sat on his knees in front of Roy, who did the same. Johnny grabbed both of their cocks in his hand, pumping each simultaneously. The feeling of Roy’s cock on his was mind-numbing. He forgot everything that happened in the last 24 hours and focused only on the moment. Roy’s moans, despite his futile attempts to stifle them, filled Johnny’s head like his favorite tune. Knowing he was the cause of Roy’s sweet sounds had him groaning to match.
Johnny enjoyed making Roy cum with just his mouth, but this position was ideal for getting a good look at Roy. If Roy was going to fall apart, Johnny was going to watch.
“Jooohnny,” Roy moaned. It was unlike Johnny had ever heard him, and it would surely fill his mind while he was alone. Roy was seconds away.
“Doing so well. C’mon, cum for me. You deserve it,” Johnny encouraged.
That did it. Roy’s movements stuttered to a stop while he came on Johnny’s thigh, head falling onto his shoulder. The feeling of Roy’s climax and the way he moaned in Johnny’s ear had Johnny desperately chasing his own high.
“So fucking good to me. Cum with me,” Roy said, cock still pulsing on Johnny’s thigh.
Johnny came with a loud groan, head finding Roy’s shoulder. Stars danced in his vision and fully let himself sink into his release, letting all his muscles turn to jelly. No one he’d ever been with, man or woman, got him like Roy did, in every sense of the word.
They sat like that for a while, panting and coming down from their respective highs. Just taking in the calming, warm presence of the other. Johnny breathed in the smell of Roy as he relaxed on his shoulder. These moments were everything to Johnny because they were exclusive. No one else got to see Roy in his post-climax state. Red, flushed, panting, and usually covered in Johnny’s cum. It was Johnny who got up first, much to Roy’s dismay. He pouted slightly, and it was just about the cutest damn thing Johnny’d ever seen.
“Stay. I’m grabbing a washcloth,” Johnny said, pushing as much warmth into his tone as possible.
He came back quickly from the bathroom after wiping himself down. Carefully cleaning Roy off, he tried to be as gentle as he could to avoid shattering the post-sex high. He didn’t know where Roy’s head was still at and was afraid to throw him right back into his mental anguish.
Johnny put his underwear back on and gave Roy a moment to do the same. He was just about to suggest they stay in bed for a while when he felt Roy’s hand on his cheek. His blue eyes were back to normal and were full of more admiration than Johnny ever saw in them. No one had ever looked at him like that.
“What’s that look for?” Johnny asked, trying to wiggle out of the stare out of habit.
“Johnny, I—you’re really important… to me,” Roy said hesitantly. He punctuated the end with a stroke of his thumb against Johnny’s bottom lip.
If that was the last thing Johnny ever heard, he’d be perfectly content with that. He almost couldn’t believe it. There was something about the way Roy said it, like he had been working on it for a while.
“Where’d this come from?”
“This,” Roy dropped his hand to gesture around the room. “You. Everything. I don’t think I can be without it anymore.”
Johnny truly never thought he’d ever hear Roy say those words. He thought “breakfast” was all he’d ever get. But here was Roy, his Roy, saying he needed more.
“I think—I think that can be arranged,” Johnny said, letting his smile creep from ear to ear.
Roy shuffled to the top of the bed, gesturing for Johnny to follow. He placed his head on Roy’s chest once they got settled and let Roy play with all the unruly strands of his hair.
“I know it wasn’t my fault, Johnny. Think I just needed something else to focus on for a bit,” Roy said, exhaling deeply. It wasn’t one of his sad sighs. No, Roy was happy.
“Oh, so is that all I am?” Johnny joked, earning exactly the chuckle he’d hoped for.
“Well, yes, when you feel that good,” Roy started. Johnny felt the blush rise to his cheeks and was grateful he wasn’t facing Roy. “But you’re also so much more. Please don’t think otherwise. You’re important, Johnny.”
Hearing it a second time did very little to diminish Johnny’s surprise. Johnny knew he was genuine, both in his tone and the fact that sarcasm wasn’t a talent of Roy’s. But it still took a lot for the words to squeeze through all Johnny’s well-kept defenses. No one had ever said that to him. He’d never been so important; he’d never felt so important.
“I-I believe you,” he started, surprising even himself when that was true. “I need this every day, Roy. Need you.” He’d long hoped to say those words.
“I need you, too.”
They lied like that for a while, letting the words settle into their bones and the foundation of the room. They didn’t confess “I love you”, but this was better. This meant the same thing, and Johnny knew Roy knew that too.
The extra expended energy and the warm morning sun streaming through the windows finally put them both into a peaceful, content, and dreamless sleep, wrapped in the arms of the other.