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"Wait. Am I—like. Dead?"
"Yes. As of 5:35 AM Pacific Standard Time, your soul came into the custody of the Commission for The Great Beyond, a Division of Post-Corporeal Transportation Services."
Richie chews on this for a moment. "Couldn't you have come up with something more—uh. Succinct? Or was 'Heaven' taken?"
"Oh, I assure you, Mr. Tozier. This isn't Heaven."
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Richie and Eddie get to spend eternity together.
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Choose Your Own Adventure by Argyle