Chapter Text
"See, you're doing it again!"
"Doing what?"
He looks up at him, biting his lip, eyes big and innocent, but only manages to hold it for a few seconds though before he bursts out in laughter.
"God, should have guessed you'd be a tease"
"I can be anything you want, baby"
"See! I can't tell if you're being serious or not"
Something shifts in his eyes and he moves in closer, climbing onto his lap, smooth like a cat, arms linked behind Johnny's neck.
"Does it really matter?"
Head tilted, eyebrow raised in question, that challenging look in his eyes as he bites his lip, waiting for him to answer. If it had been anyone else he would have laughed, brushed it off as a joke, freed himself and not given it another thought. But he's been dreaming about this for so long, wanted him so badly it almost hurt at times. Trying so hard to suppress his feelings, not to fuck their friendship up. He lets his eyes run over him, his short silver hair, his cat-like eyes gleaming, that alluring half-smile, half-smirk. His smooth skin. And without realising it he lifts his hand, letting it slide over his cheek, thumb brushing over his cheekbone. He's so tempted.
"Ah, fuck it!" he groans, voice coming out strained, and surges forward, Ten landing on his back, laughing.
"Fuck me, you mean?"
"God, shut up!"
"Make me" he teases, eyes gleaming again, so Johnny does.
___
He's had a crush on Ten for almost as long as they've been friends, fighting his guilt and the jealousy whenever Ten's met someone. Maybe that's why he chose not to see all the warning signs there, letting himself believe. And when reality finally catches up it hits him like ice water, the shock of it numbing. He can hear him speaking but the words don't register.
"Wait, what are you talking about?" His words come out more aggressive than he meant and Ten quiets. Somehow he can hear his hesitation over the line.
"Ten? Please tell me this is a really bad joke?" He doesn't mean to beg, but he just can't help it, his panic rising with every second of silence.
"I- I'm sorry Johnny" he finally says, but the way he says it is defiant. Guarded. And he realises that it's already too late, and he should just end the call, walk away with whatever dignity he has left, but he can't!
"You're sorry? Yesterday you were all over me and now you're telling me you're going back to him? And you're sorry?"
"Yeah well, I don't remember you complaini-"
"Of course I wasn't! I actually thought it meant something, that it was the start of something! But you just used me. You used me Ten! I can't fucking believe this!"
And then he hangs up, not wanting to hear anymore, because everything he says is just another stab and he can't take it. He can actually feel his heart breaking, pain shooting through his chest as he struggles to breath, the force of it almost scaring him as sobs wreck through his body.
___
"Another round?" Jungwoo looks back at them over his shoulder, hand on his hip as he waits for an answer.
"Ah shit, I shouldn't, I'm meeting Ten and Yu-"
"Mark!"
"Uhm. Uh. Yes, another one. Why not. Thank you"
He looks absolutely devastated, a furious blush creeping up through the neckline of his baby pink sweater. Johnny can't help but feel sorry for him, stretching his hand out to ruffle his poofy hair.
"It's okay Mark, you can say their names. It's not like I forgot they existed"
He tries to smile, but no one laughs, everyone obviously bothered, looking anywhere rather than at him, and he sighs. It's been like this for months now and no matter how he keeps telling everyone he's alright they keep being weird, the big Ten shaped elephant in the room always present, looming over his shoulder.
Jungwoo returns with a tray full of drinks, blowing his blonde bangs out of his eyes as he shimmies his way through the crowd and it's like a collective sigh of relief ripples through the group as they start distributing them out. Johnny smiles as Taeyong hands him a tall glass covered in condense, the golden liquid foaming, threatening to spill, as he carefully accepts it.
Lucas starts telling an animated story of when a pigeon tried to steal his sandwich, and almost slaps Jaehyun as he flails his arms around, doing the worst impression of an angry pigeon he's ever seen. Mark leans over, hand on Johnny's shoulder for support.
"I'm really sorry Johnny"
"It's okay Mark"
"Really? Because I feel so stupid, and if you don't want me to-"
"Mark, you can be friends with whoever you want, I don't care" "I promise!" he adds as he can sense Mark's hesitation.
"Okay" They sit in silence for a while, pretending to listen to Lucas' story. "Do you still miss him?" The question takes him by surprise, a sudden pang inside, the same familiar ache.
"Yeah"
Mark nods, and leaves it at that, giving his shoulder one last squeez before he picks his glass up, almost snorting his drink out laughing as Lucas gets up on his chair in an attempt to mimic the pigeon taking flight, meatball sub victoriously held in its beak.
___
"Oh, did you hear?"
"What?" He tries to get a better grip, leaning the weight on his thigh as he searches for better hold, then he nods and they keep going, painstakingly slow, huffing under the weight of the couch. Jungwoo starts backing inside, his face alarmingly red and as soon as they set it down in his new living room he flops down on it, breathing heavily.
"Ten and Yuta. They broke up" he forces out between pants.
"Shocker"
Johnny walks over to the kitchen, rummaging through boxes until he finds a glass, filling it with cold water.
"Yeah, I keep telling them to just leave it be, that they are terrible together, but they're both so stupid!"
Jungwoo's voice echoes through the almost empty apartment. He turns the tap off, and leaning against the sink he takes a deep breath, closing his eyes, steadying himself. Why does it still hurt? Walking back he hands the glass to Jungwoo who smiles gratefully.
"Are you gonna…"
"Am I gonna what? Run over there and let him use me as a rebound again? No thank you!"
"Johnny…"
"I really don't want to talk about it"
"Okay. So...should we carry some bookshelves instead?"
"Yes! I'll carry whatever you want as long as we keep quiet!"
Jungwoo pouts for about three seconds before he lights up again.
"Can I complain about how Jaehyun totally ignored me when we went bowling?"
He laughs, tying his hair up to get it out of his eyes, he should cut it, but he can't be bothered. "Yes, go ahead"
Eagerness almost has him stumbling as he hurries after him down the stairs, going on about wether Jaehyun is blind, stupid or not interested.
A few of the others come by to help, but it's still late when they finally have everything in place. Jungwoo orders pizza as a thank you and everyones slumped on the couch, odd chairs and on the floor while they wait for the delivery. Taeil gets Jungwoo's speakers set up and he and Taeyong immediately start bickering about what music to play while Jungwoo tries to press himself down next to an annoyed looking Jaehyun in the already overcrowded couch. Everyone is making so much noise that no one notices him until he's standing in the doorway.
"So did you ignore me knocking on purpose or was everyone being loud again?"
His cheeks are red from the cold, an oversized grey scarf wrapped around his neck. Ten hates the cold. His eyes have their usual teasing gleam to them, but he still catches how they flicker nervously, avoiding him. His hair is longer now. Black.
Jungwoo jumps up to hug him, dragging him along to brag about his new place and Johnny takes the opportunity to slip out.
"But...pizza?" Mark tries, looking sad.
"Not hungry, say bye to Jungwoo for me, okay?" He waves and hurries out.
It's a lot colder outside now, as the sun has set, and he shivers, huddled up in his coat. A thin layer of frost has everything sparkling under the streetlights. He can feel his stomach grumble and picks up his phone to order something when he sees that he has an unread message.
You hate me that much huh?
He deletes it, and finds the number to his usual pizza place.
When he wakes up the next morning there's another one.
How long do you plan on hating me?
He deletes it. Opening his contacts he considers blocking his number, but then he puts his phone down, getting some fresh clothes before he gets in the shower.
The warm water has his body relaxing, lathering himself up he feels that familiar pull. And maybe that's just what he needs, to release some tension.
He does it fast, hard, just wanting to get to the end. His mind starts playing a fantasy and he can feel that warmth, the tension building, and then he realises that it's not a fantasy, he's replaying his night with Ten, again. He tries to make his mind blank while the tension builds and builds, his head leaned against the tiles and he wills the images away, but Ten opens his eyes, with that dazed out look, lips parted and…
He cleans himself off, deciding to never think about this again. But he can still see him before his eyes. And it's not fair. It's not fair of him to just expect him to welcome him back into his life with open arms, when he still hurts from simply hearing his name.