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For What You've Been Through, I'm Sorry

Summary:

[ HIATUS ]

The night when he choosed to left his wife with their infant son behind; Sirius knows that was the day he broke the promise they made, he threw the possibility of happy family he wished he had, he lost chance for being part in his son's life when it about to starts. Maybe, fate really hates him that bad.

However, Draco Malfoy is someone who always challenging the destiny of what God's will.

It's about them; revenge and regret, the broken self, the story of misunderstanding without explain. It's about the dog and the dragon, father and son who is going through more than they already had.

Notes:

Edited — August, 18th 2022.

Chapter 1: Prolog : Alexithymia

Summary:

Alexithymia;
(The difficulty of describing what they felt to other people.)

Draco knows so many emotions, he's been introduced to them since he could remember, he knew what those things felt like, but he didn't how to explain even to himself what he feels when he faced Sirius Black in such unpredictable circumstances. But again, what he must have feel for someone who supposedly to be an important person in his life, yet he wasn't and Draco knows he would never.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

 

 

When our first met, when it comes, soon I forget about how it should felt. The hatred, the betrayed, everything.

Because mum once told me, beg no one to stay when they wish to leave. 

 

 

 

Draco didn't know what was happening when he arrived at unknown place which the rumour said that it was haunted. He only out of his bed because he was hungry and planned to go to the kitchen to get some food and by a chance he caught a glimps of Severus dash out of the castle-which is not really Severus' style at all to acted like that. While naturally he never minding others' business, this time Draco doesn't even think twice when he decided to walk behind the man quietly, good for him the professor doesn't even realized he was being followed—kind of out of charachter when it was time to talks about Severus whose very thorough. Not even when he fought the Whomping Willow. It's cool, even though Draco knows Severus good at defense, still it'll always surprised him when the man himself make use of his capability. 

 

He's going to sigh in relief when they got there. Nonetheless he doesn't get chance to express his relief after being able avoid the crazy murderous plant at his school.

 

Because he nearly got heart attacks when seeing the new reason to letting out his relief. Inside the place, there was also Harry Potter with his two side kicks as usual, their new DADA professor, and the everyone's threat recently, Sirius Black.

 

Why those people were here? What a bad coincidence they had, tch. Did Severus came here because he knows Black is here? But, why would Potter here too? What's Lupin concern to be here? And how many he used here in his thought already? 

 

Besides, why the hell Potter hugged the man who according to rumour was the one who betrayed his parent? Well, Draco knew that wasn't true, but Potter doesn't, isn't he? He shouldn't hug Black. Who's child in their right mind willingly to hug their dead parents' traitor friend?

 

He felt a brief flash of jealousy—no, it's not a jealousy, he just detest scene in front of him. Yet, he didn't know the right reason for that feeling. Such an unreasonable thought of him.

 

"I assumed that was your thing, Potter, having tie with dangerous people," he stated. 

 

Everyone there seemed surprised with his existence. Even Severus let out the new expression he never saw, his jawline dropped while his eyebrows raised highly. Did he really didn't pay attention with his presence before? A shame.

 

And after minutes frozen in their place, Potter unexpected action was being a shielding for Black from him and Severus, as if they can doing malicious thing for the man. It was really offended him, did they really more tense with him being there instead of Black? It was him who had the title as most wanted criminal after all, not Draco who only an ordinary thirteen year old teenager. 

 

Despite it all, he still hurts when he glanced at his biological father but the man didn't look at him back, instead it was Potter he whose being object of his gaze, someone who now stood between them. It likes Potter trying to show him the reality about their relationship and the reason why his second year in hogwarts is not better than the first one. Black break out of Azkaban not because he knows Draco already in England and want to meet him, but because Harry Potter, his favorite godson. He should known better. No matter what, Sirius Black will always considering his friends as family more than his real one.

 

"Now, Potter, you don't need to act like I'll harm your new ally, I only came here because I followed Severus when I went to the kitchen," he mocking the dark haired boy in front him, his expression perfectly mask his wobbly voice. 

 

"You shouldn't here, Draco," Lupin said all of sudden, using his first name like they were close more than professor–student relationship. There's tender smile in his face, the same expression Lupin always used when the man talk to him. He walked closer to him after moved Potter from his place.

 

The unwilling expression in Potter's face too visible for them to not notice his reluctant for being separated from Black. Draco rolled his eyes. Now, Lupin stood in the Potter's position before without part about covering himself in front of Black. 

 

Draco still doesn't understand about his new professor's behaviour, did Lupin know about him? But, how? There's no way he knows, people who knowing about his mum's and Black's relationship only their close friends and relatives. 

 

He trying to thinking about it and there's smirk he usually used before he roasted someone, "I could say the same thing for you, Professor. If you aren't careful, someone might suspect you as person who help him to get here. You don't want to lose the job which was hard enough for you to get it, right?" And seeing how Lupin's expression changed quickly about thing he said satisfied him, even by much. It was a payback because he always bothered him with his unnecessary attentiveness.

 

"Quite already I see, did I right about it then? You helped him?" He sneered. 

 

"Dra—I mean, no, you wrong, Moony-Remus, he doesn't help me," the voice sounds complicated for him. It was Black who spoke. 

 

Draco glanced at Black once again with his flat expression, good for him because now the man stared at him back. His grey eyes saw him with hurt and sorrow which was Draco hate to see. Those grey eyes, the same color he once had when he was child. Before it changes, before everything being different.

 

He almost reply to the wavy haired man before someone preceded him. 

 

"We don't need your involvement, Malfoy. It's none of your business, back to your bed and remain your beauty sleeps! Oh, don't forget to bring your beloved professor out the way," The known muggleborn, Granger, speak all of sudden, her voice sounds derisive for him. 

 

He cuts off the long-flat stare between him and Black, as well as he starts squinting his eyes towards Granger. He doesn't like Harry Potter, of course, so does Weasley, but he never had the feeling for her. Simply because he thinks she's not worth it for his attention or anything. He never likes her, nor he hates her, but now, he knew why Pansy said she was irritating, because she does, so much

 

"I don't know about Lupin and those moron friends of yours, Granger, but for someone like you, helping a famous criminal is unbelievable. Should I report this? Watching you being expell was very tempting," he said with the dry smile on his mouth. "And anyways, the one who shouldn't involved in something like this is you, Granger. Stay still and be a good student like you always been, the muggle parent of yours will be—" his words getting cut off. 

 

And of course there was Weasley

 

"Shut up, Malfoy! You know nothing!" The Ginger wizard spat. 

 

Draco doesn't even bother to showing his annoyed, instead he gave them scornful smiled, something that effortlessly make someone like Weasley burn in his own fractious temper. If only the Granger girl doesn't hold him, Draco knows the ending of this.

 

Or maybe he doesn't.

 

Because after this, everything goes wrong, this was chaos. Who knows Lupin is someone so careless to forget about drinking his wolfsbane potion. He shouldn't forget that today is a full moon and he should be always remembering because now he is a professor in a school full of children. This situation never cross Draco's prediction ever since he getting to know Lupin. Why? Of course to know either he was safe or not. His father has been telling him, Aquila, and Altair about the professor's identity since beginning. 

 

He thought he kind of pick a good liking to Lupin, but after this all those nice feeling about him erased automatically.

 

And fuck for him, because now he owes another Gryffindor for saving his life. Why, out all of people Black is the one who saving him from Lupin—err, werewolf Lupin he meant. He didn't even hope to be saved by his-not yet announced-biological father. 

 

That night was sucks. And the next morning will not be better because he already expected Pansy along with Theo will kill him with their unstoppable ravings. Why would he bothers to followed Severus in the first place? 

 

Why he needs to be such a brat and tried to getting his hand on other's bussiness? Draco really regret this. 

 

Absolutely, he also talking about how Black who saved him.

 

Even though he felt warm in the man's embrace and he likes it, the hug itself was like something he missed, not like he will admitted that. If only he has time turner or something that can stop the time without anyone realising. God, Draco hates the fact that he loved being inside his dad's warm hold. It's cozy. And he feels safe. He wants to always inside Sirius' hold, something he didn't get enough in his childhood. 

 

And he remember. At the same time when those bastard of dementors came. 

Notes:

Hi, Fellas! I settled to publish this work recklessly without think any other damage simply because I just want to read something like this, yeah, actually it's a self-indulgent writing for me, lol.

And friendly reminder before you decided to read this, I'm not fluent in english and this work might or might not be written well, so if that things probably will bother you, it's up to you to continue or leave this.