Chapter Text
1823
It’s so quiet, is what Jeongguk thinks first, as he trudges closer to the sounds near the well-lit palace, hoping to not be seen by anyone. He shouldn’t even be here. It’s dangerous for beings like him to be so close to the palace grounds, their fences guarded by soldiers with their sharp swords, ready to catch and kill his kind.
His kind. Vampires have been around for centuries now, some working common jobs in the day and lurking in the shadows at night. Never to be seen or discovered by the humans. Never to be walking about in the open as Jeongguk is right now, in the sight of any guard that comes across him. If discovered, he would be taken straight to the court where the king himself would stab a stake through his heart.
He knows all these things. Yet he finds himself slowly walking towards the huge structure in front of him, because he’s starving. His vision is slightly hazy, his hands are shaking. He had his measly dinner not even an hour ago, but he knows it’s of no use. What he really needs right now is fresh blood, something that’s flowing in a human being’s body right now.
It’s been four days since he had last drained a human in the woods after which he cried in his bed for two days straight, trying not to think about the human he had just killed. It had been his first kill ever. After that, he tried not to think about that person’s life or family, if he had parents waiting for him back home, maybe even a wife and kids. He had vowed never to drink again after that and had stuck to it until right now, where he can’t even walk a few steps without stumbling. His vision is getting blurrier and he thinks can hear voices but his body isn’t cooperating, his legs too weak to listen to him.
He had hoped that he would find someone coming from the big festival in the palace so that he could drain enough blood for him to live another day. But now he isn’t even sure he can walk another second, his legs giving away as he slumps on the bark of a huge tree. He rests his head back on the rough surface trying to keep his eyes open.
Someone’s definitely approaching him, he thinks in his fogged up brain. Probably the palace guards. I’m finally going to die. It’s better for me anyways. I don’t think I can live by killing off humans anymore. At least I said goodbye to my Eomma last week, when I turned. She must be so worried about me. Will she miss me when I’m gone forever?
“Sir? Are you alright?” he hears a deep toned voice ask and Jeongguk thinks he can hear worry in the man’s tone. It won’t last. They’ll check his pulse and know that he’s already dead. He closes his eyes as he feels a hand on his shoulder. When he’ll open his eyes next, it will only be to see the king holding a wooden stake to his heart. The last thing he remembers before passing out is the smiling image of his Eomma as she says goodbye to him, not knowing he’s never returning to her.
But that’s not what ends up happening. Jeongguk opens his eyes, feeling as if they were made of heavy lead in an unfamiliar room. He was still a little dizzy and he had a massive headache, but at least he wasn’t dead. Well, deader than he already was.
“Oh, you’re awake!” The same deep voice that he had heard before passing out spoke again, startling him. He looked up at the speaker and oh.
Jeongguk’s sure he’s never seen a man in his twenty three years of life that was this beautiful. It wasn’t just the fact that he was good looking. The aura radiating off the man as he smiles down at Jeongguk disoriented him, making him unable to speak for a second.
“Where am I?” the vampire croaked, his voice groggy from sleep.
“You’re at my house. I’m sorry to bring you like this, really, but you just passed out in front of me and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even think vampires could faint, to be honest.”
Jeongguk snaps his head at the man, the sudden movement almost giving him whiplash. “What did you say?”
The man smiles slightly. “I know what you are. And don’t be afraid. I won’t have you arrested or anything. I’m just like you.”
Just like you. Does he mean he’s a vampire as well? Jeongguk searches in the man’s gaze to see if there are any signs of trickery in them, but finds none.
“You’re a vampire too?” he asks slowly, almost whispering, even though they seem to be the only two people around.
He nods. “Yes. You’re lucky I was the one who found you instead of those palace guards or you would pretty much be gone by now. As soon as you passed out, I checked your pulse to find nothing. I got scared and took you to a friend, who’s a doctor as well as a vampire and he told me you had been dead for a while now. What were you doing in the forest at night?”
Jeongguk groans and rubs a hand over his face. “I was hungry. I hadn’t had any blood since the first time four days ago, the day I turned. I-I killed someone for the first time and I just-” he gulps, not able to finish the sentence.
He feels a hand on his shoulder. “You didn’t want to harm someone again, right?” the other asks, his voice soft. “Do you have any idea who turned you? How you died?”
Jeongguk shakes his head. “I just remember walking late at night a few days ago when I was attacked from behind, the next thing I know I woke up in a dark abandoned house while my skin was burning from a draft of sunlight and I had a craving for something that I didn’t even know.”
He closes his eyes, the painful memories of his first day coming back to him. “I spent the whole day all alone in the dark slowly realizing what I had become. And as soon as it hit me, so did the hunger for blood. It was sickening. I had no idea what to do, so I ran out of there as soon as night fell and caught hold of the first person I found. I only realized what I did after it was too late for him.”
He shudders, the face of his first kill still haunting him every night. “I just felt so alone,” he admits, his voice almost a whimper.
“What is your name?” the man asks, the grip on his shoulder tightening a bit.
“Jeongguk.”
“Well Jeongguk, I’m Taehyung. I’m a fairly newborn vampire like you, so I know exactly how you’re feeling right now. But don't worry. I belong to a clan, and we all help each other go through this. The first few months are hell, but we’ll go through them together, okay?” he holds out his hand for the other to shake.
Jeongguk takes it and the gesture makes Taehyung smile. “Friends?”
“Friends.”
✧
Jeongguk closes his eyes in relief as he places his last order for the day on the countertop and rings the bell. He shouts the table number before walking out of the stuffy kitchen and removing the white chef hat that had been resting on his head the whole day, ruining his hair. Just as he’s placing the hat in his locker and shoving his apron in without even folding it, his phone rings. He picks it up without looking at the contact.
“Guk! Are you done with your shift?” a very familiar voice shouts on the other line, making him smile.
“Yes, I am. But I’m still not coming to that club, hyung. I’m tired.”
“Who are you bullshitting right now? It’s literally impossible for us to get tired,” Jimin retorts back.
“Physically we cannot but mentally we can, and I’m fucking exhausted right now,” he corrects and he can almost feel his best friend rolling his eyes at him.
“You promised me last week! Please, Guk-ah. I’m tired of being the third wheel to Hoseok and Yoongi. They’re so lovely-dovey when they’re together it makes me want to barf.”
“Are you sure it’s not due to the fact that you had a crush on Hoseokie hyung before you got to know he had a boyfriend?” Jeongguk asks as slings his backpack over his shoulder and fluffs through his hair.
“You’re never letting that go, are you? It’s been two years! Now go and get sexy for tonight and I will not take no for an answer.” There’s a finality in his voice and Jeongguk knows there’s no use in arguing anymore.
He disconnects the call with the promise of being at the venue in an hour and leaves his workplace, smiling at the doorman who has been there every day for the past four years.
He sits in his car and starts driving to his apartment, humming along to the generic pop songs on the radio. He stops at a red light and gets a sudden longing for mint chocolate ice cream.
Seeing a grocery store nearby, he parks in its nearly empty parking lot and is about to go inside when he hears it. Crying. More specifically, the crying of a baby.
Eyebrows furrowing, he looks around to find the source. The sound gets louder and he realizes it’s coming from an almost hidden alley the back of the grocery store, where there’s no road or no cars passing by. He’s suddenly thankful for his super hearing.
He enters the alley smelling of garbage, piss, vomit and other things he doesn’t even want to think of. How could a baby be in a place like this? He sees a little basket almost at the other end, now emitting low whimpers, as if the baby was tired of all the crying it had been doing for who knows how long. Jeongguk hesitantly approaches the basket, waiting for any nasty surprises to show up, but loses all caution when he peeks in.
Inside the small basket is a smaller baby girl, who couldn’t be more than three months old. Jeongguk stares, mouth agape, at the little human with eyes as big as his and tear stains down her cheeks wrapped in a pink and yellow blanket.
She stares at him for a second before raising her arms slowly towards him, as if asking him to pick her up. He does after a moment of hesitation, carefully balancing her on his arm. Warmth spreads through his cold body, something he hasn’t felt for a very long time. He looks at her, eyes wide. “What are you doing here, huh? All alone?”
Naturally, no reply comes from the little girl as she doesn’t stop staring at him. Jeongguk heart clenches. Who could be so inhumane to leave a little innocent baby in a place like this? What if someone other than the vampire had found her? Someone actually dangerous?
He tries to put her back in her basket but as soon as he lets go of the baby, she starts crying again, her wails echoing in the empty alleyway. Jeongguk gnaws on his lip, having no idea what to do. Before he can do something further his phone rings.
“Jeon Jeongguk I had given you an hour and if you’re not here in five minutes I will personally feed you garlic bread,” Jimin’s stern voice yells through the phone as he tries to scream over the loud music in the background.
The vampire looks at the girl in his arms whose eyes are now droopy. He had completely forgotten about clubbing. “Hyung,” he says as he slowly bends down to collect the heavy basket, “I don’t think I can come for clubbing tonight.”
✧
“So she was just there? In that dirty alley all alone?” Hoseok asks as he settles on the couch next to Yoongi, his boyfriend.
Jeongguk looks at the baby, who’s been sound asleep ever since he brought her home. “Yeah. All neatly wrapped in that basket for I don’t even know how long. How could someone do such a thing? Just leave a baby in the middle of nowhere?”
Yoongi sighs. “There are some horrid people in the world, what can we say?” He adjusts as Hoseok leans his head on his shoulder. “What are you going to do about her though?” he asks the younger, who’s still staring at the baby.
“I mean, the fact you brought her home in itself is a little crazy,” his boyfriend says as leans in more comfortably. “Like I really don’t want to be the bad person here, but if she has someone looking out for her? Shouldn’t we report this to the police?”
“You’re not the bad person here for being logical,” Jeongguk reassures. “I honestly thought about the police thing myself. But then I thought that if she was abandoned just like that in a dirty alley behind the grocery store, there’s not a lot of people in the world who care about her.”
“Are you going to keep her, Guk?” Jimin asks, rubbing his best friend’s back comfortingly, his voice laced with concern.
“I-I don’t know,” he replies honestly, helplessly staring at his friends. “I guess I’ll have to give her up for adoption or something? I honestly didn’t really think too much about it but I don’t think I’m eligible to take care of her. I can barely make a living by myself.”
“No one is asking you to take care of her, okay? We’ll call an adoption agency or an orphanage who will know what to do tomorrow morning. Until then you catch some sleep, Jeongguk,” Hoseok says reassuringly and Jeongguk’s gaze goes back to the small girl, who’s sleeping peacefully, not knowing about all the cruelty she’s had to go through at such a young age.
“I’ll stay with you tonight. In case you need help with her or if she wakes up soon,” Jimin suggests, and Jeongguk smiles gratefully at each one of his friends, knowing that they’ll go through this together.
They bid goodbye to Hoseok and a very sleepy Yoongi on his back before gently picking up the girl and laying her down in Jeongguk’s bed.
“You sleep with her. I’ll take the couch. I’ll be right outside if you need me,” Jimin informs him and the younger nods, giving him a grateful smile.
Around fifteen minutes later, Jeongguk can hear the light switch click, signaling that his best friend is asleep. But the other vampire can’t sleep a wink, not when he has the tiny human making small whimpers and moving constantly next to him. He doesn’t even realize that he’s dozed off until he can hear loud crying next to him, startling him from his nap.
He rubs his eyes and lays them on the girl whose face is red from the wailing. “Oh no, why are you crying baby? Did you have a bad dream?” he coos, trying to speak with the babiest voice he can muster in his sleepy state.
The baby stops crying after hearing his voice only for her to continue crying a second later. “Are you hungry? You must be, you haven’t eaten since yesterday night,” he concludes and gets up from the bed, gently lifting her up and feels the wetness on his arm. Oh. She needs a diaper change.
“Good morning. She hungry?” Jimin smiles sleepily at the sight of the baby in Jeongguk’s arms. He nods. “Yeah. And she needs a change too. Too fucking bad because I don’t even have diaper.”
His best friend rolls his eyes. “Of course you don’t. Thank god I had the brain to stop at a supermarket and get a pack after you ended our call yesterday. It’s on the countertop.”
Jeongguk grins and sends him a flying kiss, to which he shakes his head causing his blonde hair to fall on his face messily.
After a failed diaper change attempt, two YouTube tutorials and many of the younger vampire’s noises of frustration, the baby finally wears a clean diaper. As Jeongguk sets the milk to boil on the stove, he sits with the baby laying on his lap, her small hands engrossed playing with the buttons on his pajama shirt. He stares at her big eyes set on the buttons as she fidgets with them, a little spit collecting at the corners of her mouth. He finds it oddly endearing.
“I think this is the best orphanage I could find for her,” Jimin’s voice snaps him from his thoughts and he looks up. “Huh?”
The blonde smiles. “She’s adorable, right?”
Jeongguk shrugs. “Yeah, she’s cute.” The truth is, the girl was one of the cutest babies he had ever seen. With her round doe eyes, cheeks full, a cute stub of a nose, it’s hard not to get attached. But that’s exactly what he wants to avoid, so he doesn’t say anything else even when he desperately wants to kiss one of her chubby cheeks.
“So, like I was saying, this orphanage is the best one in the area and has got a good rate of legal adoptions annually. I’ve booked an appointment for tomorrow, do you think you can handle her for another day? Because both Hobi and Yoongi hyung agreed to take care of her, okay?”
Jeongguk shook his head. He had brought the girl home, so she was his responsibility. He couldn’t just give her to his friends and besides it was only for one more night. “It’s okay. I’ve informed them about my absence at the restaurant for today already and it’s just one night, it won’t affect me so much.”
✧
Jeongguk is in trouble. A lot of trouble. He had really meant it the day before when he had told Jimin that one more day spent with the baby won’t affect him, but that was before he had spent the whole day with her. Bathed her tenderly, while she played with the bubbles forming around her. Fed her, as she tried to imitate the sounds Jeongguk was making. Smiled whenever she tried to grab the keys that he was rattling in front of her. Slept next to her as she breathed slowly while holding his pinkie in her palm. He is in trouble because even after being with the baby for no more than thirty six hours, she had somehow sneaked her way into Jeongguk’s heart, and he had gotten attached. So now as he stands in front of the glass door of the orphanage, he’s having second thoughts.
Jimin stares at him as he hesitates before entering. “Guk, you okay?”
Jeongguk bites his lip as he nods slowly. Of course he’s okay. Why wouldn’t he be? It’s absolutely idiotic of him to even be rethinking this after spending one day with the girl. Even though the day brought him more happiness than he had felt in years.
He still went in though, his best friend on his side and the baby in her basket fast asleep. They were greeted by a lady in her mid-thirties on the front door who gave them a warm smile which widened when she laid eyes on the baby’s sleeping form.
“Is this the baby? She’s so cute! I’m Sang-cha, and I’ll give you a tour of the place and then we can talk about the further procedures,” she speaks cheerfully and the raven haired man ignores the heaviness in the pit of his stomach.
She walks fast, giving them the tour with quick and small descriptions of each room they pass through. The dorms, the mess hall, the playing room, the nurseries for infants, the small classes, the bathrooms. But even though every single room was covered with bright and colorful wallpaper, the expressions on the children’s faces were the exact opposite. On the outside the kids seemed happy, screaming and shouting as they played with the various toys in the playroom, but Jeongguk could see it: young faces with eyes full of sadness and some even hopeful as they see them walk by, maybe thinking that someone has finally come to adopt them, taking them away from their lonely life. And with every room they pass, Jeongguk grows more hesitant about giving up the baby.
When she enters her office and motions for them to sit, Jeongguk doesn’t move. Jimin takes a seat and places the sleepy baby on the chair gently, but Jeongguk still doesn’t move. He feels a lump in his throat, his hands shaking. Jimin stops taking out all their documents from his bag and looks at Jeongguk in concern.
“I, uh I’ll be back in a sec, excuse me,” he blurts as he rushes out, leaning against the wall and closing his eyes. Not even five seconds later, he hears familiar footsteps walking towards him.
“Jeongguk-”
“I can’t do it Jimin. I just-” he takes a second to pause and collect his thoughts. “Look. I know it’s not even been two full days since we’ve had her and it’s so bizarre of me to get attached so quickly but I have and I don’t know what to do. I also know that it’s not the right thing to do since my job barely pays my expenses and getting a baby on top of that is insane especially since I know nothing about taking care of them but I feel like leaving her here is not the right thing to do either, you know? What if she doesn’t get adopted? What if she’s always unhappy and unloved because I was too much of a coward and-”
“Jeongguk!” Jimin interrupts his rambling and the younger opens his eyes. He brings him close, holding his shoulder firmly. “I understand. I really do. Hell, I haven’t even stayed with her a whole day and I’ve grown fond of her. So I don’t blame you for wanting to take care of her at all. All I want to know is, are you sure? Like one hundred percent? Because you know your life will never be the same after this, yeah?”
He stares at Jeongguk and Jeongguk nods. He’s never been more sure of anything in his life. He doesn’t know why or how but he has a feeling that the girl is the missing piece he always craved, will make his life happier than ever.
The older smiles, his eyes crinkling. “Good, so let’s take the girl home.”
“Nari.”
“Hmm?”
Jeongguk mimics his eye smile. “Let’s take Nari home.”
✧
“Nari look! Look at the pretty earrings in front of you! Can you play with them for one second so Appa can change your diaper?” Jeongguk groans as he dangles his earrings above the baby to no avail. She pays no heed, instead crying and squirming as the vampire tries to change her diaper for the past ten minutes. He’s tried everything but putting a diaper on his almost four-month-old girl seems like an impossible task today.
He hears a knock on the door and he rushes to open the door before Nari tries to roll away. Thank god for his super speed. He meets a smiley Hoseok accompanied by a newly dyed hair Yoongi and Jeongguk almost collapses in relief. “Sorry we’re so late, apparently Yoongs couldn’t wait until tonight to dye his hair mint green again,” Hoseok apologizes as his boyfriend rolls his eyes.
“You look like hell,” Yoongi remarks as he takes in Jeongguk’s appearance.
“That’s the worst apology I’ve ever heard, Min Yoongi. And I look okay. Just haven’t showered in two days,” Jeongguk retorts, knowing his argument is weak.
“Whatever you say. Now go get ready, Jimin’s going to be here in twenty minutes,” Hoseok reminds him and the vampire nods. “Now where’s my favourite girl?” he cheers as he goes to meet Nari, who seems to have calmed down .
Yoongi sighs at his boyfriend’s actions but Jeongguk sees the fond smile spreading on his face as he sees Hobi pick Nari up in his arms. It brings a smile to his face too. “Hyung, thank you so much for doing this. I promise I’ll be back as soon as I collect my blood bags.”
His hyung waves him off. “Jeongguk-ah, I told you don’t worry about it. You really need those blood bags, you’ve gotten so pale. Hoseok and I can handle her for a few hours, go and take your well deserved break.”
He smiles gratefully in return before running off to take a needed shower. Vampires don’t sweat or anything, but he still feels dirty. He quickly gets ready in fifteen minutes, just in time to hear another knock on his door, this time being Jimin.
“You look…clean,” Jimin teases as he sees Jeongguk run his hand through his wet hair.
“I already regret asking you for a ride.”
“Oh come on, you know I’ll never pass up the opportunity to meet your sexy head vampire,” he smirks as he checks himself in the mirror.
“Huh? Since when do you find Namjoon hyung sexy?” the younger questions as he bends to give Nari a kiss.
“Since he dyed his hair pink when you took me to that ball two years ago. And it’s not a crush, I just appreciate his hot body and his sexy brain you know?”
Jeongguk pretends to retch, but the truth is, he knows what Jimin is talking about. He himself had a crush on the head vampire for years when he first met him and joined the clan, absolutely smitten by his leadership skills and his way with words. And his hot body.
He doesn’t voice his thoughts though, just goes over the instructions about Nari with his friends, who nod as if they hadn’t already heard it thrice.
The car ride to their destination isn’t silent as Jimin asks non stop questions about Nari, and Jeongguk has no problem answering them all in great detail. He shows him the pictures he had taken of her over the past week, his phone gallery already almost full with pictures and videos of his daughter sleeping, eating, playing and laughing.
His daughter. It still sounds unreal to Jeongguk that he has his own kid now, but it’s a reminder that’s always welcome.
They reach the hospital with five minutes to spare, which is a good thing. Namjoon hates to be kept waiting. They knock on his office door and a deep voice tells them to come in.
Namjoon looked up and gave them a dimpled smile when he saw who it was. “Guk-ah! You’re finally here! Oh and you’ve brought a friend. Jimin, if I’m correct?”
Jimin beams at the recognition and it’s hard for Jeongguk to not roll his eyes. “Sorry I’m late, hyung. Got caught up in something.”
Namjoon raises his eyebrow at that. “You look exhausted, Jeongguk. Are you feeling well? When did you last collect your weekly blood bags?” he asks, checking the file himself. “You haven’t been here since the past thirteen days. Is everything all right at home?”
Jeongguk opens his mouth to spew out some lies, about how he kept on procrastinating on collecting the blood bags that Namjoon provides his clan for a week so they don’t have to kill to feed anymore. But knowing him, he’ll see right through his bullshit in less than a second so Jeongguk decides to tell the truth.
“I um, adopted a baby girl,” he starts, nervously looking at Namjoon’s astonished expression. He tells him the whole story of how he found her and how he decided to take her in, all while his hyung listens to him with an understanding expression on his face.
“Are you happy, Jeongguk?” is all the head vampire asks him once he finishes.
Jeongguk doesn’t even take a second to reply, nodding his head. “Very. It’s difficult, but I’m happy.”
Namjoon smiles one of his warm smiles, and the exhaustion in the younger dissipates a bit. “But are you sure you can do it alone?”
“I’m not alone. Jiminie hyung is the biggest help and I have two other friends too who are watching her for me right now.”
Jimin smiles fondly at him. “It’s not a big deal. We all love Nari already. But Guk-ah, you know we three aren’t enough. We have no experience in dealing with kids and we don’t even know if what we’re doing is right. Plus how long are you going to keep taking leaves from work? Your boss hasn’t fired you only because you’re such a good employee and he understands.”
Jeongguk makes a face. “I know, hyung. But what else am I supposed to do? I can’t just trust anyone with our situation. And I don’t think I’m ready to trust Nari with anyone like that yet.”
They’re all quiet for a few moments and Jeongguk can hear everything that goes on outside the closed door, from the patients being moved to the low chatter of the nurses. Then Namjoon speaks. “What if it’s someone you know? Will you trust Nari with them if you’ve known them for years?”
The other looks at his hyung in confusion, trying to guess who he’s referring to. Does he really know someone that well who can take care of Nari? “Yes but they need to have some experience too. I’m not going to hand her over without making sure they’re aware of what they’re doing.”
“Of course, Jeongguk. And obviously the person who I’m talking about is very experienced with kids.” Namjoon gives him a look, as if he should already know this person.
Jeongguk thinks. Someone who he’s known for a long time and who’s very experienced with kids? No one comes to mind except one person, and the raven haired hopes the elder is not talking about him. He looks up.
“No. Absolutely not,” he says firmly, shaking his head.
Namjoon sighs. “Don’t be like that Guk-ah. You know he’s the perfect person for this.”
“Wait, who are we talking about again and why does Jeongguk look like he’s about to shit his pants?” Jimin asks, leaning forward with curiosity.
“It’s no one! We are not talking about this or him ever again, okay?” Jeongguk says, his intense gaze trained on Namjoon, who shrugs.
“Whatever. It’s your kid. But I do think Taehyung is the best option you have right now.”
Jimin watches as the younger flinches at the name mentioned and suddenly everything clicks in place. “Taehyung? As in Kim Taehyung? As in the very hot best friend turned enemy Taehyung?”
“He’s not hot. And yes, thatTaehyung. So I don’t understand how you’re even suggesting giving my child to the person I despise the most.”
“Look, contradictory to how you perceive him, Taehyung is amazing with kids. He’s literally a pediatrician and, aside from that, he’s just got a way with them. I know that he will willingly put all your grudges aside just to help your baby. Just think about it, okay?” Namjoon tries to reason and Jeongguk has no excuse to argue.
“Guk, Namjoon hyung is right. He is experienced and he’s the only option you have right now. You don’t even have a doctor for Nari in fear of being discovered somehow, and you know she needs one as soon as possible,” Jimin suggests softly.
Jeongguk knows they’ve won. He has known the other was a pediatrician for a few years now, and that he would be perfect for Nari since he already knows Jeongguk was a vampire. And there was a time when Jeongguk trusted Taehyung with his life, so he knew the elder was responsible too. But that was so long ago. After the infamous incident, the two were torn apart farther than ever, and even over a century later nothing had changed.
“I’ll think about it,” he grumbles as he snatches his blood bags from the table, a sour expression on his face.
✧
The waiting room outside Kim Taehyung’s office is nearly full when Jeongguk arrives with Nari fast asleep in her stroller. The stroller had been delivered to him as a gift from Namjoon, the day after he had picked up his blood bags. He walks towards the reception and smiles at the young lady sitting there, busy texting on her phone.
“Excuse me, I’m here to see Dr. Kim?” he says, which makes her attention snap to him, her eyes widening.
“Um, do you uh, have an appointment?” she stutters and Jeongguk is already used to this so he just smiles.
“Yes, at seven thirty. Sorry I’m a bit late, my shift took longer than I expected. I’ve booked it under the name Nari,” he informs, and she checks her inventory. He had decided not to book the appointment under his own name, in the fear of being rejected before he could even talk to Taehyung.
She nods when she finds it and points to the room filled with crying and screaming children. “Have a seat, you’ll be called in shortly,” she smiles, her gaze lingering on him for too long.
He does, sitting next to a mother of two holding her one child in her arms while shouting at the other not to run. There’s bright blue wallpaper with cartoon characters pasted on the wall, but it does very little to enlighten his mood. It took him two whole days to swallow his pride and finally make the call to the hospital Taehyung works in. The drive was long; long enough for Jeongguk to have second thoughts multiple times.
It’s all for Nari, he reminds himself as he smiles at her sleeping form. She’s started sucking her thumb in her sleep lately, which is apparently normal for babies who are around four months.
“Is she yours?” the lady next to him asks, balancing her squirming child on her lap. He nods in reply, not wanting to converse when his stomach was doing somersaults.
“She’s so cute! Aren’t you too young to have a child though?” she asks and Jeongguk wants to laugh. If only she knew how old he really was. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to answer as he hears his daughter’s name being called, so he gives her a smile and wheels Nari towards the cabin, hands almost shaking.
Get it together, he chides himself as he braces to see the other after more than twenty years.
He knocks on the door with the words ‘Dr. Kim Taehyung’ printed on the nameplate, with all his degrees printed under. “Come in,” a voice he hasn’t heard for a long time beckons him, and it takes all the strength in Jeongguk to not run away at that moment.
He slowly opens the door, lip biting in anticipation and nervousness. There’s a man with his head hidden behind a computer typing something and the younger closes his eyes for a second as he closes the door behind him, and that’s exactly when Kim Taehyung decides to raise his head from behind his PC.
Jeongguk feels his lungs collapse as soon as their gazes meet, the smile on Taehyung’s face slowly fading as he realizes who it is, eyes widening in shock. Jeongguk gulps as he pushes the stroller next to the two chairs in front of him and Taehyung’s eyes immediately shift to the movement, his eyes widening even more.
“Jeongguk,” he starts, and the younger almost shivers after hearing his name in the elder’s honey-like voice after so long. He looks the same, of course. He wears a grey shirt over black slacks, and Jeongguk can see the white coat draped on the chair he is sitting on. The only thing changed was his hair. The last time he had seen him he had jet black hair cut short, which is now replaced by long coffee brown hair that matches his eyes.
His eyes. They’re the same as he remembers them from all those years ago, one double lid, the other a mono lid, a thing he had always been endeared by. The same eyes that bore into Jeongguk’s, trying to find the reason for his unexpected visit.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, not at all happy about this, just like Jeongguk had expected.
“You’re a pediatrician, aren’t you? I’m here for a check-up,” he says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. He pushes the stroller towards him, the girl in it now slightly awake.
“This is Nari,” he introduces and sees Taehyung’s face instantly light up looking at her, a smile slowly forming on his face.
“She’s so adorable. Who’s daughter is she?” he asks, his eyes still trained on her, his finger gently poking her cheeks. Jeongguk ignores the urge to pull her away from him.
“Mine,” he says, studying Taehyung’s reaction. His smile fades as he looks up at him, lips now in a thin line.
“Congratulations,” he says, no enthusiasm in his tone. “Didn’t peg you as the marrying type.”
“That’s because I’m not. I’m not married,” he replies, trying not to feel offended at the elder’s remark. He’s very marriage material and all his exes thought so, thank you very much.
“Oh,” is all Taehyung says as he gets up and gestures to the small bed next to his desk. “Lay her down here, please.”
Jeongguk nods as he unbuckles the belt on her stroller and picks Nari up, adjusting the sleeves of her bodysuit as he lays her down. He moves aside as Taehyung wears his stethoscope and tries not to stare as he listens to Nari’s heartbeat, slightly biting his lip in concentration. He checks some other stuff, Nari making it difficult for him as she squirms around, cranky from her interrupted nap. .
“How old is she?” he asks as Nari tries to hold his sleeve, making him smile.
Jeongguk hesitates. “She’s almost four months, I think.”
Taehyung raises an eyebrow. “You think?” he asks, sarcasm lacing his tone. “When is her birthday?”
“I, uh, I don’t know,” the younger replies without looking him in the eye. Why the fuck was he getting so nervous? “I don’t think I understand. What kind of father-”
“I’m not her father, okay?” Jeongguk interrupts, a bit too loudly as it makes Nari whimper, on the verge of a crying session. He rushes to her and picks her up, shushing her. He looks at Taehyung, who’s now wearing an expression full of confusion. “I’m not her father, but she’s my daughter. Okay?”
When the look on the other’s face doesn’t disappear, Jeongguk explains everything, from finding her in the alley to deciding to take care of her. He sees Taehyung’s expression go from perplexed to the soft one he used to often have around the younger.
“Jeongguk that’s…that’s really wonderful of you”, he says quietly, so quietly that the other almost doesn’t hear it. But he does, and now has no idea what to reply. “How are you managing?” the older asks, his voice dangerously laced with something akin to concern.
“I-” Jeongguk hesitates, but isn’t that what he was here for? To ask for Taehyung’s help because he couldn’t handle it alone? He bites his lip and tries again. “Not so well. I have no idea what I’m doing, to be honest.” He turns his gaze away from the other and focuses on Nari instead who was busy with his index finger.
“I don’t know anything about taking care of a child. I had never even planned on having one. But then I saw her in that basket and I had to take care of her. But I’m so afraid I might do something wrong and given with what I am, I might end up harming her.” He looks up at Taehyung, his eyes staring back, waiting for him to continue. “And I know this is too much to ask given our history and really sudden but…Can you please help me?” he almost squeaks out, hating his vulnerable tone.
Taehyung blinks and stares at him for so long in silence that Jeongguk almost thinks he’s going to laugh at his request. Then after what feels like an eternity he speaks. “You…uh you want me to help you?”
When Jeongguk doesn’t reply, he clears his throat. “But why me? And even if I agree, how do we do this?”
The younger looks up, the feeling of hope slowly spreading in his chest. “I don’t know,” he confesses. “Frankly I didn’t think you’d even agree to check her up.”
Taehyung frowns. “No matter our history, she’s a child, and I’m still a doctor. Of course I would never refuse a patient.” Jeongguk shrugs which causes the other to roll his eyes. He thinks for a few moments, his face hard and unreadable. He looks at Nari half asleep on Jeongguk’s shoulder. “Okay,” he says, and the raven haired thinks he’s imagining it. “Okay. I’ll do it, I’ll help you.”
The relief that washes through Jeongguk is immeasurable, bringing him close to tears. “Taehyung, thank you. Thank you so much. You have no idea how grateful I am.”
The doctor shrugs. “Yeah well, I’m doing it for Nari. And for the sake of our old times.”
Pain pierces through Jeongguk’s heart at the mention of their past friendship but he ignores it. “So, what next?” he asks, disregarding the comment.
“Are you free tomorrow? In the evening preferably?”
He nods. “Yeah. I finish work at seven. Is that okay for you?”
“My last appointment is at six thirty, so I’ll be free too.”
“Will you be okay with coming over to my place?”
“I don’t have a choice now, do I?” he remarks, and Jeongguk’s jaw ticks.
“Whatever. Tomorrow, eight pm, my place?”
“Yeah. See you tomorrow, then.” Taehyung dismisses, turning back to his desk and picking up the phone, asking for the next patient to be sent in. He smiles at Nari before they leave and Jeongguk looks away. It’s really been too long.
He hopes he’s made the right decision as he wheels out the stroller. Taehyung and him were so civil right now, right? They can do this for the next few days, until Jeongguk learns. It’s going to be alright, he reassures himself, because really, what’s the worst that could happen?