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Nightmares were one of the only things that could put a damper on Holly’s chipper attitude of the world.
It had taken Karlee a while to figure out what made her tick. What made that girl actually realize the shitty reality she was living in. But finally, after 3 months of being in Fort Hope, she knew what it was.
Nightmares.
Everyone got them at some point. A side effect of The Collapse and how it ruined so many peoples lives. It wasn’t uncommon for someone to wake up in a cold sweat, or to stay up to get the thoughts out of their head.
But Holly? Karlee knew how deep of a sleeper she was. Gunfire couldn’t wake that girl up sometimes. Once Holly knocked out she was dead to the world until she so chose to wake back up and rejoin the living- okay, maybe that was a poor choice of words- but the point still stands.
Karlee on the other hand was all but an insomniac. She did her best to sleep but it was hard when you felt on edge almost constantly, even in the safety of Hope. Maybe that was why she wanted to figure out what made Holly slip out of her bunk once a week.
Maybe she just did it to occupy her sleep deprived mind and give her something not related to their inevitable doom to think about. She was going to tell herself that, because her alternative was that she was worried about Holly. Karlee doesn’t worry about people because if you worry about someone it means you care for them. She doesn’t care.
She doesn’t.
She did, however, watch as Holly slips from her cot in the sleeping tents and pulls on her sneakers, half awake. Holly pulled her jacket over her shoulders and ran a hand through her hair as she left the tent with a soft shift of the fabric door.
Karlee only followed cause she was curious to see what Holly did when she left because of her troublesome dreams. She pulled on a pair of slip ons she never wore out in the field, and followed after her, arms crossed to keep out the cold air of the night.
Holly was slipping past the large wooden doors that lead to the shooting range, leaving it open just enough for her to come back into once she was done. Karlee waited until she was sure Holly wouldn’t see her, then followed. The guards watching out on the wall gave her a nod as she glanced up to them, she didn’t return it. Focused much more on the task at hand.
“Ohh look at that guy-“ Holly whispered to herself.
She peeked through the door to watch as Holly grabbed a large pebble and tossed it in her hand a few times. Then, she chuckled it as hard as she could into the field of dummies and targets. Squinting to try to watch where it landed.
“Oh- that totally hit the water.” She chuckled. Sniffing to keep the subtle hints of her tears welling in her eyes to herself.
Karlee stepped out and spoke without thinking, something compelled her to. She almost grimaced when she realized it might have been her heart.
“Hey.” She said so blandly she was worried she sounded like a Ridden.
“Jesus!” Holly spun around and looked over to her. “Karlee, you’re gonna give me a heart attack!”
“Sorry, just uh…” She looked out to the field. “What are you doing?”
“Currently? Looking for a good rock.” She turned back to scouring the ground for another suitable pebble.
Her hair was down instead of back in a ponytail like usual. The orange locks spilling over her shoulders and framing her face very nicely… Karlee found herself looking for a stone quickly too, it was that or stare at Holly.
“Rocks, what are you 14?” Karlee yawned as she toed at a broken stone halfway in the dirt.
“At heart probably. My pops and I would skip stones across the lake near our house.” She grabbed one and stood. Throwing it almost like a pitcher, just not nearly as well.
Karlee watched as it hit a dummy in the head with a *ting!* Then leaned down herself and picked up a rock.
“You’re not even any good.” She grunted as she tossed one herself, going a bit further than Holly’s previous stone. “Why are you out here?”
“Oh hoh hoh, is that a challenge?” She smiled and picked up another rock. Aiming for a moment as she answered. “Oh ya know, just a bad dream. No biggie.”
Holly tossed it and they both stayed silent as they watched it bounce off of the grassy field about 10 yards out.
“No biggie, huh? Right.” Karlee glanced to her out of the corner of her eye then searched for another rock.
“It’s fine Karlee. Seriously! Why do you care anyways? It’s not like you like me or anything.” She giggled.
It made Karlee stop and quickly look over to Holly. Blinking in confusion.
“What?” She asked the redhead, a bit dumbfounded.
“What?” Holly returned. “You never ask if anyone’s okay. Little less check on them. You’re pretty quick to shut down my witty remarks usually. While it’s fun to get you all riled up I… I don’t know. Sometimes I just think maybe… you hate me… a little?”
She looked back to the dirt once she was finished, letting Karlee process. She was tired so it wasn’t clicking as fast as usual.
“I… don’t hate you. I just don’t get you.”
“Get me?”
“Yeah.” Karlee sighed and flicked some of her hair out of her face. It was very annoying when it wasn’t gelled back. “You’re the happiest girl I know in the apocalypse. Always laughing and smiling and cracking jokes. I lost so much I just… don’t know how I could keep being as chipper as you. Not that I ever was.”
She threw her stone with a huff, looking to Holly for her reaction. She paused though when she saw her wipe her eyes.
“Yeah. Yeah I know.” She sniffed. “It’s annoying sometimes but I’m… just trying to keep myself from being completely depressed. It’s the fucking apocalypse, Karlee. Who would be actually happy at a time like this?” She looked to her, arms crossed and eyes bleary.
“…I mean, besides Hoffman?” Karlee offered and Holly choked out a small laugh as she sniffed.
“Hoffman’s a loon. I just- we’re alive, right? You have to take it when you can. You have to be happy with the little that you have cause if you don’t what’s the fucking point? Right? Why live at all if nothing makes you happy, if it’s all just bleak and shit and everyone you know and love is worm food.” She let out a shaky breath. “And some days its… really hard to tell myself there is a point at all.”
Karlee was frozen. Watching Holly unload so much she had never seen before. It was shocking and almost uncomfortable seeing her this… broken. That wasn’t Holly, that wasn’t *her* Holly.
“Hey.” She stepped closer to her. “Holly… you know you are that reason for a lot of people here, right? You’re… you’re that thing that makes them happy, us, happy. I honestly can’t imagine Fort Hope without you. You’re loud and rambunctious, and a little annoying sometimes-“
“Wow.”
“-I’m not done. But you’re Holly. You’re the same girl who gets us laughing in the middle of fighting for our lives. The same badass who fights off zombies with a baseball bat cause you like the thrill. You’re…you, and it’s enough for me to want to live for. It’s enough for a lot of us.”
She looked to Holly hesitantly. She was staring at Karlee. A slightly shocked expression on her face before she smiled and wiped her eyes. Then she turned and hugged her. It made Karlee drop the two or three pebbles she had gathered and looked down to the girl who was more so laying against her than hugging her. Karlee swallowed as her cheeks heated and gently wrapped her arms around Holly’s back.
“You really don’t hate me?” Holly asked softly.
“I really don’t hate you.” She responded, sighing.
“Cool.” Her voice muffled by Karlee’s hood. She just stayed there for a while. “…Thank you.”
“Nah.” Karlee rested her head on top of Holly’s. “Thank you.”