Chapter Text
December 24th 20xx
Dear Diary (or whatever it is that Stefan and Elena wrote),
It's been.... at least a week since I ever considered doing this, so, if either one of you ever get to read this, don't judge me. Please?
Look, both of you have been doing this in the last few years we knew each other, and it seemed to help. Kind of.
It hasn't been easy since Elena and I separated, and the house suddenly feels too big. I can't imagine myself sleeping around either, no matter how much I used to do it as a vampire.
Vampire. Vampirism.
Is it weird that I miss it? Despite the disgusting taste of blood that stays behind, despite wanting to throw everything I drank up? Is it weird that I miss being able to jump from place to place without the risk of being run over by a car?
To run as fast as I can without ever feeling tired?
I miss that. And I certainly miss being able to heal, not just myself, but those who need to be. To compel those who have seen only a little bit of the evil that ran in this world.
I just... I miss being a vampire.
I know it's silly. But if you were in my place right now, you'd understand. I miss being able to watch from a distance and disappear off before anyone had noticed.
I miss you, Stef. And I miss you more everyday. I know I should be saying this to you in person, in your grave, but I can't. I'd burst into heavy tears before I could afford to open my mouth. I just.. it hurts, Stef. It hurts to miss you. And I wish I could turn off my emotions, but I can't.
And Elena. I miss you, so bad. And no, not because of the sex. I miss you and Steph both, so much. I just want to be able to hug you both in my arms again.
I miss everyone.
Alaric hasn't... been communicating with me, he's too busy with raising his twins. I miss him. I miss having him as my drinking buddy. I miss being able to confide in him and rant about our daily lives if we weren't hunting down vampires.
Bonnie's a little bit nicer, constantly sending me messages, and even visiting me on most occasions. She'd let me drink and go on and on about how I wish things had stayed as the way they were before.
Matt's no Alaric, but he's good company. He's a good listener and sympathizes well with me. He does go all good-cop, bad-cop on me whenever I drink too much, though. Well, can't really blame him, I am human, afterall. But hey, so is he.
Jeremy let's me have fun, at least. Just a little. He still has his old hunter training things and let's me work my way with them, often teaching me whenever I struggle. He also listens to my rambles, druno and sober, and keeps silent unless he feels like something has to be said.
Caroline is.. well... Caroline. You know, peppy, cheery, but has almost the same level of seriousness and sophistication as any other vampire that remains here. She does bug me almost every day and every night, even midnight, if I'm lucky. She makes sure that I eat three meals a day, every day. Sometimes, she has the twins with her, sometimes, Ric (who glares at me whenever I try to object).
It's Christmas Eve as I'm writing this. It feels lonelier.
I miss you both, all of the others, so much.
I wish there was some kind of a way to get us all back together, even for just one more day. I'd do anything.
But... what else can I do? I've tried everything. I've rummaged through each and every corner of the world, talking to witch after witch, even those who practiced dark magic, but nothing. Nothing else can be done.
So, because of that, I've been coaxed and nearly damn compelled by Caroline to do this instead. She said that it'll help with my grief. Surprisingly, it sort of does. It helps. A little.
I miss all of you. Softie, I know. But I do.
I'll try to keep moving forward.
- Damon