Archive of Our Own

Thane was accustomed to following orders he didn’t agree with. In fact, he had made an entire career off of it, his body a weapon to be aimed by the money-laden appendage of whoever his employer might be. Expecting that it would be any different under Cerberus’ command was a fabrication thinkable only in the depths of undisturbed sleep.

But this was different. The sudden conflict was not a simple matter of disagreement, but between him and what he had deemed to be an aggressor of the lowest kind.

Zaeed Massani.

Adrenaline had rocketed through his veins when he saw Zaeed grab hold of Dan Hyun by the collar, shoving her high in the air with little regard for anything other than his own anger. Disgusting and vile threats splattered on her face in bits of saliva, a marr on the freckles that coated her skin. It had taken less than a second for Thane to draw his viper and quicker than a human blink for that red dot to appear on the back of the mercenary’s skull. 

If not for Dan Hyun’s raised hand, Zaeed’s brains would be drying to a husk under the steaming sun, courtesy of his bullet. But she had given him his command.

Wait.

That was the order. For now.

He was beyond the help of rhythmic prayer and whispered words, deep anger infecting him from the tips of his fingers to the tender flesh of his heart. The physical effects manifested throughout his body, making it harder and harder to will himself to obedience.

Breath ghosted over his tongue like a flame, vision tunneling as his pupils shrunk to that of a predator. His eyes twitched jaggedly in his skull with each movement, fingers steady even while his chest shuddered.

His order to stay would not last forever, and Zaeed only grew angrier with each passing second. Thane scoffed quietly, grip tightening. He was eager for the next sign, hoping, prepared to dispatch the unprincipled low life who dared to treat Dan Hyun like a common lackey. 

Any signal would do.

His breath held, however, as did his hand when Dan Hyun’s eyes made contact over Zaeed’s shoulder. In the turns of stone brown was a clear order, one that drew a grinding hum from within his throat. 

Don’t shoot.

It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, and she knew that. The growing black pools of her pupils made it clear as they scoured him for any sudden movements.

He had little choice. He would not defy her.

With the hard set of his jaw, Thane relaxed his hand, scales folding over to rest away from the trigger. His eye remained glued to the scope, though, heart thumping in his throat as Zaeed continued to wave Dan Hyun about like a ragdoll.

It was over quickly, a fact that cast relief’s cool shadow over him. Her baring teeth and snarling growl were the keys to her release. She fell with a thump, Zaeed muttering and slamming the butt of his SMG on the already broken button controlling the bridge. 

Thane finally exhaled, quiet as a mouse.

His jaw remained set as he slipped his rifle over his back, eyes pinched in a firm line as a flame stoked within him, licking at the soft tinder inside. This moment had passed, yes. But there was little way to tell if and when Zaeed would snap again.

He followed behind the group, watching the mercenary lead with filthy and angered expletives. His armor carried new scrapes from where Dan Hyun had kicked in his hold, making him look more and more like the cheap murderer he was. Disgust flew through him as the mercenary spat in a nearby bush.

In the spirit of precaution, Thane’s hand hovered over his weaponry, fingers steady in concentration. The assumed bond of cordial trust had been broken, and he would be ready should Zaeed make an attempt on Dan Hyun again. 

It was difficult to keep his face neutral when he looked at her, the curling muss of her hair contrasted with the thin line of her mouth. She must have felt his gaze, her eyes moving away from the target ahead to meet it. 

“Are you alright?”

She didn’t answer but shook her head.

So far from the rays of warmth he had grown accustomed to in her presence. He could see the aggravation in her shoulders, knotted straight back, and it soon became obvious that this wasn’t the time, nor place. Her jaw was set when she paced ahead in Zaeed’s direction, breath coming in quiet puffs as mud sprayed in her wake. 

Thane watched, eyes following as the world stilled around him without her presence, brows heavy on his face. 

He was tenser than he had ever been, watching the two scale the hill, rifle pointed to the ground.

It was a moment of weakness to hold it up and pull Zaeed into focus, fingers once again ghosting over the tempting trigger.

Five seconds came and went, the gun lowering and folding into its compact form as he slipped it over his back.

Not here.

Dan Hyun extended her arm, pulling till a satisfying crack struck the room. A sigh left her as tingles crawled over her skin, body thumping back against the cool steel guard rail that ran the length of the cargo offshoot. 

“Mmmm,” she sang from glossed lips, spine curved back in a full stretch. “Have you tried cracking your joints before, Tali?” She sighed again, sweet as her eyes fluttered in relief. “I swear, you’ll die a happy woman.”

Light breeze from the air vents tickled her cheeks, cool ruffling her dark hair and loosening rigid muscles. By her side and facing the opposite direction, the ship’s resident Quarian typed away at a bright orange screen, data reflected against her helmet like strips of numbered streamers. Dan Hyun caught a glimpse of her freckled cheeks in the glass of her friend’s mask, absently noting the deepening lines beneath her reddened eyes.

It had been a weary eight hours since the mission, interspersed with a restless sleep unfamiliar to Dan Hyun. She had become accustomed to blacking out the moment she hit her soft downy pillow, the ability to sleep a hard won refuge from the horrors she faced every day. Last night, though, had been marked by an obsessive twisting in her sheets, the blankets cocooning and returning her to the memories of that humid dark forest.

A swallow bobbed her throat, ashen eyes skirting away from the glass. She opted to slip them closed as she began another stretch, her increasing heart rate kicked under the rug.

Her friend spared her a glance, bright pupils curled with interest at Dan Hyun's rising hands.

“ You almost did,” she countered, which Dan Hyun hmph’d to. “Besides, I think squeezing the oxygen from my joints will cause a suit rupture.” The light orbs beneath her mask slunk towards her, small in teasing judgment. “And haven’t we all heard Dr. Chakwas tell you not to?”

A thinking hum sounded from Dan Hyun as her left hand closed around her thumb, another exhale pouring from her lips when her pull gave rise to pops.

“That’s true.” She conceded, rubbing her loosened hands together. “But,” her eyes opened wide, stare glued to the ceiling above “if cracking your joints is so bad, then why does it feel so good?” 

Tali’s eye roll was felt even without being witnessed, the shake of her head only noticeable through Dan Hyun’s peripheral.

“Are you sure you don’t have an addictive personality?”

The Commander clicked her tongue, folding her arms. “We’ll find out one day.”

Tali’s purple mask seemed to shine with amusement as she continued to type away on her keyboard, a host of engine core readings appearing in a relaxing train. “I can’t believe you can stand here joking around after what happened.” She shook her head. “It’s so like you to brush over a dangerous situation like that.”

A bit of silence was held by Dan Hyun, the tranquil attitude she had achieved through stretches now offset by her friend’s pointed statement. Her stomach felt queasy with butterflies, eyes flitting from wall to wall.

“What are we talking about?” she laughed nervously, a hand pressed to her belly in an attempt to stabilize herself.

Tali hadn’t yet noticed, fingers fritzing in mid-air as a harried sigh emanated from the Quarian. Her orbs glistened in her direction, perplexion written all over the glowing white. “Zaeed?  Threatening to kill you?” Her induction light trailed away as she shook her head, shoulders rising to a shrug. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised you’ve forgotten,” she sighed. “Given the types of people you work with, you’ve probably had to downgrade death threats from ‘actual danger’ to a ‘minor annoyance.’”

Dan Hyun blinked, eyes wide as the words settled in, finding their way down her spine in chills. With a scrunched nose, she turned away, finding a point in the carbon gray wall to pick at with her stare. The action helped little, her fingers tugging one another to supplement. “I wish it were that simple,” she muttered, before switching gears and running a hand through her voluminous curls. ”I tried to forget, last night.”

Tali turned towards her, slowing.

She shook her head, tiredness eeking in her clumsy gestures. “Sleeping pills, face mask, headphones, tea,” her hand flew up. “Didn’t work. Nothing could.” Dan Hyun pulled her lips tight, eyes scraping against the wall. “None of it changed the fact that I was one bitter squadmate away from death.” She looked down. “I think I still am.” 

A drop of silence hung from her, the repeated clicking of nails against nails breaking the low hum of the nearby drive core.

“It… bothers me...” She stated it clearly, as if she were trying to oust her emotions with a name she had never whispered aloud. “I couldn’t control him.” Hands flew through her hair again, face pinched as whisps fell around her closed eyes. “I’m not a leader. Still.”

Quiet came from Tali’s end, the stream of typing halted. Beside her, the rail sagged slightly, Tali’s presence a comfort, the welcome phenomenon of having company to witness an unspoken thing that had been chewing away at Dan Hyun’s security. 

“I am sorry, Dan Hyun.” She eventually offered a cool covered claw, the metal weight resting along her arm. “I know it’s difficult to deal with the complications behind being a leader.” She scoffed. “Keelah, you remember Freedom’s Progress— Praza running out from right under my port.”

Dan Hyun tilted her head. “He was such a fool.”

Eyes slanted at her. “Zaeed is one too.”

“Dangerous fools,” she agreed, lips pursed. “How...did you establish your authority after that?”

Tali paused, considering.

“The evidence was behind me on that one,” she confessed, rubbing her arm. “It became pretty apparent that if they wanted to be successful, and not smeared on the pavement, my authority had to be respected.” She shrugged. “Because that’s what it’s about at the end of the day. Respect.”

Dan Hyun smiled, eying her friend. “I’m glad that worked out for you... but...” A huff escaped her, thick eyebrows raising. “It’s odd. A similar situation happened with Zaeed and yet...” she shook her head. “I can’t shake the feeling that something just isn’t clear under my Command.”

The pair stood in rare silence for a moment, contemplating the issue at hand.

“You know,” Tali eventually started. “Leaders aren’t born in a night,” Her helmet tilted. “Even if they are, I doubt there’s ever been one who came out of the womb ready to put up with Zaeed Massani.” 

Dan Hyun hesitated for a moment before raising her own hand to lay over Tali’s. A tiny smile pulled her lips.

“Thank you,” Her lips stretched thinly as she patted her friend’s hand. “You’re right. It’s just something I have to keep in mind and work on, especially with difficult people.” Brows furrowed. “I wish you could be born with it, like, being hot or smart like us.”

The Quarian laughed, portlight blinking in affectionate patterns. “We have what matters, and that’s all.”

A weak smile crossed Dan Hyun’s face as she leaned back against the rail, her heart feeling lighter after confiding in her friend.

“Thank you for your counsel, Tali.”

Tali’s eyes slanted, warm with affection and relief.

“Thank you. For getting out of that alive.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I don’t think I’m allowed to die anymore.”

Soft laughter echoed off the metal walls, brightening the recesses of the lower hull.

“Maybe not, but I’m glad you’re not risking it anyway.” Her eyes crinkled in an assuming smile beneath her mask. “Besides, you had your guardian angel there, didn’t you?” 

A gasp popped from her, hands swinging up to her helmet as if she were a blushing maiden. “Ohhh so romantic!”

The change was instant. Dan Hyun sputtered, a lack of words drawing her throat closed. She wanted to claim that the lack of sleep was making her delirious, but in truth, she was always like this. The time of day hardly mattered when it came to talking about this.

By the time she recovered, a shining grin was already etching itself deep into her face. 

“Aaaaaaaaaah!” A breath escaped her as she pressed her hands to her cheeks, feeling the hot sting on her fingers. Laughs soared from her lips, the heaviness of their conversation spun away with the introduction of one of her favorite subjects. “Do not get me started,” she said, though it seemed her command was anything but true from the way her eyes sparkled. Still, she emphasized her flustered ground, twisting a finger around her hair. “You know how long I will ramble about him if you press.”

Tali’s light blinked at her words, hand tucking over her heart. “I do.” She raised her hands in defense at Dan Hyun’s pointed look. “What can I say! I’m a sucker for romance, you’ve known this since our first binge through of ‘ Petals for my Lover ’!”

Dan Hyun pinkened beneath her freckles, cheeks warming even more. “Oh, well, good! Then when you pass from boredom on the Engineering deck, I hope you’ll remember that your death would have been avoided if you hadn’t asked me about Thane Krios.”

Empty shock emanated from Tali, a hand pressed against her chest as she tilted her helmet.

“Wait, wait. Were we actually talking about Thane?” She shook her head. “And here I was referencing the pyjak that excreted on Zaeed’s boots.”

They broke into shared laughter, a pleasant, happy sound that had become a foundation they could both rely on. As they giggled, Dan Hyun found herself thankful they were on the underside of the Normandy. Too many people on this ship were comfortable eavesdropping, and for once, she wanted to savor a private moment with a friend that she knew and loved.

Excluding Kasumi, that is. There would be no escaping her watch.

Dan Hyun managed to catch her breath, clutching her side as her blush turned her face completely pink.

“No, but, really,” she managed, wiping at her eyes. A throat clear served as a reset, her train of thought returning. “He had me concerned too. If I hadn’t caught his stare in time all that’d be left of Zaeed are pieces of flesh stuck to my armor.” She swallowed, heart thumping. “Courtesy of Thane, I mean.”

“ So romantic,” Tali sang. “Just like Captain Jehoke when he killed the traitorous shadow agent who threatened Palima’s life.” She seemed to swoon thinking of their favorite movie, Dan Hyun’s own eyes sparkling at the mention of that heroic scene.

An exclamation left her as she waved away the mental image, face already warm with fantasy. “But Palima didn’t have to prove her capabilities to Captain Jehoke,” She enunciated, hand gesturing in rectangular movements. “I’m the Commander so I am responsible for managing the state of their relationship as squadmates.” She placed her hands on her hips, lips pursed. “If they don’t learn to play nice for the mission, we’re all screwed.”

A hum left her friend, her helmet tilting in thought.

“Maybe it would be a good idea to take them out again, then.”

Dan Hyun couldn’t help snorting, a hand covering her smile at the morbid image. “Oh, I’m sure they’d love another opportunity to kill each other.”

“Only if I get to watch,” Tali quipped.

“Tali, you’re terrible, and not taking this seriously at all.”

A laugh sounded from her, head turning back to the blinking data that shone on the screen. “Simply curious,” the keyboard appeared beneath her hands and in seconds rhythmic typing resumed, a comfortable, steady beat that eased Dan Hyun’s mind. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Thane angry before. Would he really go out of his way to attack Zaeed?”

With crossed arms, Dan Hyun looked off, the light tapping of keys droning through her thoughts as Thane’s pleasant image entered her mind.

Though he could be gentle with her, there were a great many times when the wave of his passions crashed so hard his surroundings were coated with droplets, ripples sending tremors of intrigue throughout her bones.

Zaeed’s actions had disturbed his sea without question.

But, to what extent?

Playing with her lower lip, Dan Hyun spoke, lightness to her words even while anxiety crept through her gut.

“You know Tali… I don’t think I know.”

She’d have to wait and see.

A tiny part of Dan Hyun hoped that that mission would have been the last of issues with Zaeed. Perhaps that, after the fact, he would accept her rule and keep to himself, away from the explosive potential of their other crewmates on this ship.

Her last conversation with Tali had built upon this hope of peace, at least for the limited amount of time where no one was being shuttled off in close quarters for missions. The Normandy could still be considered roomy, provided most stuck to their claimed quarters. 

Hopefully, Dan Hyun prayed, for another few hours. She just needed some time to gather her wits about her.

That required food.

She had made her way into the mess hall to microwave dry packaged noodles, her stomach ravenous after her exhausting second attempt at falling asleep and subsequent conversation with Tali. 

It was nearly 4 am and the hall was deserted. Dan Hyun noted this with deliriously tired eyes, hand drumming on the metal counter as the microwave hummed. 

In the past, she had never been up and active enough to witness the effect of this time on the dining hall. The crew, more often than not, mocked her for sleeping in towards the late afternoon, after all. If they had seen her now they’d have assumed she was still awake from the night before.

Which wasn’t totally incorrect.

A yawn erupted from her mouth, arms stretching the cardigan she sported over her baggy sweats and tank top. 

30 more seconds…

“Goood morning Commander, good to see someone’s finally on time,” Joker’s voice crashed through the intercom, jolting Dan Hyun from her stretch with a wince. He was awake?

She shook her head.

HOW did he always manage to find her?

Letting her arms drop, Dan Hyun focused her stare on the bowl of noodles rotating in the microwave before her, a whispered prayer that this outreach indicated nothing of importance.

“Yeah, don’t get used to it. What’s up?”

A small snort came over the comm. “Oh gee, noted.” A muffled scratch, as if the mic was being adjusted. “Guess what though. Daniels and Donnolley are reporting an argument from the engineering deck. Supposedly one is definitely Zaeed, annnndd…. I don’t know, they said the other is kind of hard to hear.”

“Uhhuh…”

Ah, well, that tossed the hope for peace out the airlock. Dan Hyun’s tongue rooted around in her cheek, toes bouncing in contemplation. There could still be a chance that this wasn’t anything… it’s not like Zaeed was a perfect floor mate after all...

Suddenly, rowdy laughter cut in over the intercom.

“Dude, Shepard, you gotta get down here and watch this.”

“Jack?” Dan Hyun’s brows furrowed, heart sinking. This could only get worse.

“Oh so everyone can just hop on the intercom now, is that how things run around here?”

She winced, touching her chest. “Joker.”

“I’m just saying, the intercom is for the Pilot and the Commander. If I don’t have this then what do I have?”

Dan Hyun stared blankly as the green timer ticked down on the screen of the microwave, steam coating the glass.

“Nothing? Anyway, just listen to me for a second...is this argument going to escalate any time soon?”

“Well, I don’t--”

“Shepard!” Grunt exclaimed over the static, a weary expression overtaking Dan Hyun’s face. Why was everyone awake at this hour?

“Yeah?”

“You never told me that Drell can fight! O’Keere’s notes said they were spineless servants, but this one has the tenacity of a Krogan!”

The sound of bursting metal splintered against the comm, followed by Grunt’s guffaw of excitement before the feed officially cut out. Beneath her slippered feet, the floor creaked, then shook, Dan Hyun tingling at the rumble that coursed through her legs. A shot of adrenaline stirred her, widening her eyes as she processed what she had just heard.

“Shit.”

No more praying now— and noodles would have to wait.

This was serious.

Without a second to spare, she took off towards the elevator, biotic energy-boosting her slippered steps. 

She was long gone by the time Joker responded over the comms.

“Well, guess that narrows it down, eh Commander?”

…

“Commander?”

The ding of the microwave was Joker’s only answer.

—

Waves of dark energy prickled through Dan Hyun’s skin as she traveled towards the source of the commotion. It wasn’t difficult to identify, especially with Grunt’s stamping calling her attention to the Starboard cargo hold.

She couldn’t see anything past him, the Krogan’s shell obscuring the open door. With his massive body, it was sheer luck that he avoided the point of the dagger careening out of the room. It clattered by Dan Hyun’s feet, causing her to grimace as her veins raced with adrenaline.

Heavy particles concentrated on her palms gave her the force necessary to shove Grunt to the side and enter the room for herself. He let out an oof from behind her.

Dan Hyun didn’t have time to hear his complaints though. In fact, she couldn’t hear anything over the noises of effort coming from the two men who had created an entirely disastrous scene.

Zaeed crouched on the far end of the room, crammed behind a wall of garbage squares he had assembled from the compactor. A trail of smoke indicated he had lit a cigar, and was now puffing as he cocked his gun with one powerful finger. Around him was a scatter of debris, evidence of fighting within a closed space. 

As appalling as that sight was, it couldn’t compare to the shock she felt when bright biotic light sprang up in front of her, eyes moving just quick enough to catch Thane wind his fist back. The Drell’s face was shaped in severity, bared teeth and grimaced eyes locked on the mercenary’s location. Dark energy pooled along the muscled arm, a powerful curve of navy blue that was growing closer and closer to full formation as the room dripped with it. 

The click of a reloading shotgun interrupted her watch, pupils shrinking as she swung to look where Zaeed had been hiding. His face peeked out, brows furrowing with opportunity.

Dan Hyun gasped, synapses firing as her brain connected the dots for her. With calculated hurry, she sprinted forward, hand leaping for the omnitool that would spring her tech armor to life.

The keys ghosted beneath the weight of her fingers, electrons popping off her skin as a golden light bathed the room— just in time for Thane’s unleashed biotic warp. 

The dark matter shook Dan Hyun’s tech armor, charged molecules dispersing through the electronic fingers of her shield. It vibrated with the impact of unprecedented kinetic energy, forcing a grunt from her lungs. In part, she suspected it was due to the sheer emotion that radiated from his waves, an unbridled anger sharp enough to frustrate her.

The minute her shield absorbed the blast she heard his words— “Siha!— I!” 

It was strange, hearing that name. She’s in her thirties, and still, Thane’s particular sweet language made her swoon like it was the first time anyone had ever said such things to her.

Her fierce expression almost faltered when her heart skipped a beat, eyes shining with melted worry when she met Thane’s guilty gaze. It hardened at the scrape of metal.

Dan Hyun swung her hand towards the mercenary, brows carved in severity. 

“Lower your weapons!” She barked, teeth grit in the sterile light.

Her pupils were wild as they zipped from Zaeed to Thane, unsatisfied even after the clunk of heavy firepower tumbled to the ground. Yellow electricity fritzed through the air, her body taut in a defensive pose. Her chin jutted towards Zaeed.

“What happened?!”

The merc’s scarred skin crinkled further at her inquisition, thin lips pulling to bare. His cigar was still lit, the soft wrapping carrying indentations where his teeth had sunk further.

“Why the guddamn hell are you asking me that for?” Hoarse and defensive as ever, Zaeed’s expression darkened, eyes a thin squint. “I was just minding my own fucking business before frog boy stuck his scaley neck—“

“Hey!” Dan Hyun shouted, blood rush heavy in her arms. “Get to the point.” Her face was reddening quickly, skin hot with aggression teeming below the surface. 

Zaeed’s nostrils flared, his glass eye reflecting her snarl even from a distance. Her heart clenched as she expected him to bite back with even more power. A simple eye roll and crossed arms were the least of what she had prepared herself for.

He grunted, still, an aggravating tension to his shoulders.

“Your Drell tried to attack me,” he accused, eyes sparking. “Good enough for you?”

Dan Hyun blinked, steady hands faltering for the briefest of seconds.

Thane?

He was responsible for this…?

“This how you run your ship, Shepard?” Zaeed interrupted her furrowing expression, a thud as he shoved aside one of the many crates he had stacked for his own defense. “Letting your lackeys run around and do whatever the hell they want?” Smoke filled her vision when he walked closer, boots clunking on the metal grate below. 

She managed to hold still in the cloud, fire filling her nose even as it churned through her chest. Shining gray appeared in its depths, followed by clear blue. A finger jabbed into her collarbone and it took all she had to not fall back with it.

“It’s a guddamn problem and it needs to be fixed.” Each poke to her collarbone made her grit even harder. Her slippers lacked grip and she scooted back, pupils shrinking in fear. Her slip was like a punch to the gut, a curse tearing from her lips as fast as her hands through her hair.

Shit.

And here come the tears.

To cry so pathetically in front of your subordinates was to be cast into a pit of Thresher Maws-- she could speak from her own experience. Her throat squeezed tighter with emptiness, eyes shutting hard to stop the flow before it grew obvious.

“Zaeed,” She managed, voice taut. “Get your things in order, clean this place up.” Her palm pressed hard to her forehead, vein pulsing along the inner chamber. He muttered a ‘guddamn it’  as she turned round, cheeks heating in frustration. 

She had to face him sooner or later.

Through the crack in her lashes, she could just make out the Drell, standing still at the back of the room. His eyes were cast down by the time she returned to him, edging along the floor. Something, maybe boldness, brought his dark pupils to her, latching like there wasn’t a thing that could stop them from doing so.

His crests were folding, an expression of guilt building with every step she took. Still, he refused to look away, expansive pupils inviting her to swim in the vulnerability he revealed. His lips twitched when she was close enough, parting, hovering, then closing. The search for what to say was running empty, and Dan Hyun knew it. 

She had learned to speak his language, after all.

Dan Hyun hardly bothered to stop when she reached him, eyes wet with frustration. 

“Help him-- then see me in my cabin.”

From his expression, you would think she had just slapped him across the face- eyes widening even further before blinking closed.

“As you wish.”

She couldn’t breathe until she had passed through the doors of the tiny room, the rush of air marking its shut. And just in time, too. Dan Hyun’s teeth had grit hard at the way her heart fluttered to Thane’s response, a frustrating and contradictory response to the water that beaded fast along her lash line.

A muffled hiccup escaped her, hands covering her lower face in an attempt to maintain composure. She needed to pull herself together. This was not how a Commander was supposed to behave. 

But she should have never been made a Commander, should she?

She closed her eyes, counting to four, relying on the many breathing techniques that she had taught herself when she first joined the dangerous ranks of military life. Soothing anxiety was not new-- it was only the stakes that grew different.

She breathed in. 

One. Two. Three. Four.

She exhaled.

One. Two. Three. Four.

She breathed in.

One. Two. Three. Four.

She exhaled.

Dan Hyun flexed her fingers by her side, sniffing up the final round of ache that pressed against her skull.

It was done. For now, at least.

The elevator was thankfully not far, her footsteps light as she made her way to it. Of course, there was no getting by without passing the tiny crowd of Engineering Deck residentials.

They had luckily chatted amongst themselves during her pause, but her approach now signaled them into curiosity and action. 

Gaby’s bright eyes shone as Dan Hyun walked by, Grunt’s Krogan weighted stamps echoing behind her. “So who won?”

She snorted, hands pressing to her face. People could really get this riled up over a fight huh?

“Me,” she grinned, grateful for such a mundane comment. “Now get back to work.”

The crowd boo’d her, grumbles and whines bouncing off the walls as credits were returned and bets called off with the blip of an omnitool. Ken’s ‘so are we really just going to go back to work now?’ followed by Gaby’s ‘do you think this is a hotel?’ was well received, stirring a dry laugh from under Dan Hyun’s breath.

She smiled, shoulders peeling back at the dispersing group. At least they followed orders.

Still. 

Commanding wasn’t just about the times when your crew wanted to listen.

Her chest sank when she looked towards the elevator, fingers fidgeting at the thought of what was to come.

She swallowed, pressing the button with a shake.

It was time to be a leader, in all senses of the word. 

Whether she was ready, or not.

~

Dan Hyun wasn’t sure how long it would take Thane and Zaeed to right the hastily concocted battlefield below. She had expected thirty minutes at the least, then, when he still hadn’t arrived, an hour.

It was forty five minutes on the dot when her ears picked up on the elevator’s rumbles, her eyes shooting to the door. She tapped off her tablet, the orange light retreating as she stood, nerves bubbling over her tongue in the form of dryness. In an effort to ease the shake in her limbs she leaned against the desk, arms crossing protectively over her freshly donned turtleneck. She fingered it before catching herself and shaking her head.

Everything about her felt constricted, from her change of clothes to the tension that curled closed around her chest. She loathed the feeling of vulnerability that came with it.

Soon there was a ding, a faint announcement from EDI, then the cool swoosh of her doors as Thane Krios entered her quarters, body square and level.

She touched over her collarbone as he made his way down the small slope to stand before her, dark eyes joining with on her own before coming to a rest on the metallic ground.

“Si--” He stopped. “Dan Hyun.” The silence hung at her name, spoken as if it were sinking him in an ocean she couldn’t see. “I need to… apologize.” 

Her nails tugged the elastic fabric, brows lowering, but not condemning.

Thane chanced a glance at her silence, fear and guilt weaved into the fine features of his face. When he saw her nod, he sucked in a breath, blinks slow.

“Thank you. I’m…” a pause, expression shifting from somber to confusion. “I’m not sure how to begin this conversation.” His voice was low, its multi-frequency form tickling her heart and stomach, incurring Dan Hyun’s curiosity even further.

“Is there… something you’re trying to apologize for?”

His eyes ran to hers at the prompt. “Of course. I’m…” soft white teeth appeared in a grit, brows furrowed. Then, he breathed, eyes slipping closed. “Since you stumbled upon me, I’ve contemplated nothing but the proper way to explain this to you.”

He began to pace, left foot first, then right, hesitant till he found his step. His vision drew to the illuminated moon jellies in the aquarium, their forms effortless and light in cool waters. His hand glided across the lip of the glass, mouth twitching in the shape of words he couldn’t speak. Eventually, his fingers hitched, his step paused.

“I’ve come to realize that I must begin with a confession. My apology to you cannot rest on anything other than a bed of truth.” Her stomach fluttered when he caught her eyes, black beads shining in the low glow of the stars above. “Will you..” he paused, brows knitting. “Would you… hear my confession, Siha?”

Her fingers dusted along her collarbone, heartbeat picking up speed. She had wondered if— when this would come. She felt parched as he waited for his answer, vocal chords straining to break through the still.

“Your secrets are my secrets,” Dan Hyun answered, voice unexpectedly thin. “I always hear what you have to say.”

Thane’s eyes fluttered at the simple statement, a touch to his wrist. He bathed in his own silence, eyes casting down.

“You are kinder to me than you could know.” He whispered. There was something, she realized, in the way his hand came to his eyes. Words stopped, despite an open mouth, his shoulders beginning to sag.

Dan Hyun’s brows peaked, feet bringing her to stand before him. It was an instinctual action, a manifestation of the ever-present desire she felt to be by his side. If he was a rolling ocean, she would be the boat atop, coasting along the curls stirred by restless waters. She would enter his storms with little thought to her own safety, the most minimal of expectations on her mind.

Her love could be dangerous in that way.

But she knew he felt the same.

“You don’t have to force yourself to speak your heart,” she said, carefully looking him over. The blue-lit water flickered over his skin, tumultuous. Her hand reached out as if she could still it.

She stopped mid-way, expression shifting. Then, she drew back.

“This meeting can be simple. You’re my crew, I’m your Commander…” her skin began to feel hot with embarrassment. “It can just be that…” her tongue tipped her teeth, pupils looking respectfully away. “Until you’re ready.”

Even without much movement from him, Dan Hyun could feel the change to his atmosphere, the smallest lift of his heel and tilt to his shoulders as he considered her words. With every passing second, she felt as though her heart would beat through her ears, tingles in her body willing him to be brave against her wishes.

There was a breath, short, too close to a small sigh that kissed her cheek and pulled her gaze towards him. 

Thane was looking at his hands, muscles relaxing into relieved acceptance.

“Perhaps you’re right.”

She could’ve sworn she heard a thud from the way her heart plummeted into her stomach. 

The disappointment was inevitable, but more than respected. There would be time later for words that began with ‘l’ and carried her deep into emotional bliss. When he was ready.

For now, Dan Hyun bit her lip, tasting the flavor of different replies as he did the same.

Apprehensive eyes sized up reactions, the way forward paved in uncertainty. Novelty could be beautiful, if not terrifying when it came down to searching for where you belonged.

“Then…” she managed. “Go on.”

His lips twitched. She hoped in gratefulness.

“Then…Putting the details of my confession to the side…” Thane cleared his throat. “I was in the wrong, Dan Hyun. I took matters into my own hands with Zaeed. It was…” his gaze plummeted once again. “It was wrong of me to do so. I undermined you, just as he had on Zorya.” His brows fell towards severity, a sheer cliffside when he bit out, “I proved to you that I am no better than that thug.”

Dan Hyun’s jaw clicked with its set, crossed arms tucking tighter with his growing harshness.

“What made you attack him?”

Thane’s lips pressed firm, shoulders suddenly stiff as he stopped breathing.

“That is... “ Eyes fluttered shut. They opened with heavy lids when he pulled his hand over his chin. “It’s tied to my confession.”

She felt her ears burn as she whispered a soft ‘oh,’ contemplation plain on her face. 

“I’m sorry. I won’t pry.”

His eyes fluttered like a physical manifestation of nerves but they passed with a nod. 

She fingered the cowl of her sweater once again, head burning to the brim with thoughts even as silence deafened.

Thane looked so vulnerable before her. Nervous-- like she had never seen him. They had gone into battle almost fifty times together now and she hadn’t ever caught a glimpse of him with this expression. Beneath, the heavyweight of shame dragged his features, coming together to display complete submission to her. 

And all to her surprise.

In her years of service, she had never succeeded in commanding the respect of her subordinates. They often considered her to be weak, passive, her small stature encouraging oversight rather than acknowledgment. 

She had done everything she could to earn their respect through other means, but even that had its difficulties.

So Thane’s apology…

“People here… They don’t really respect me.”

He was instantly transfixed at the sound of her voice.

She fought back the blush, fingers dancing along her chin. “I’m not a natural leader. No one believes I’m an experienced soldier, or that I can bring the team to success.” Her pause held the air in the room tight. “I understand why they think that.”

Thane watched her and her fluttering lashes as she ghosted a hand over her arm.

“I wasn’t meant for this life. Killing doesn’t run through my blood, even after all this time… but you know what does?”

“Tell me.”

Her heart fluttered.

“People.”

He was quiet when she said this, hands folded in front of him. Somehow it didn’t surprise her to see him step a bit closer, the knowledge that she would be confessing something to him loud enough to bring notice and the promise of support.

She stepped closer too, eyes trained on the ground. Two tile squares away now, if you added the halves they were standing on. 

Tones curled around her like the warmth of a hearth when he whispered encouragement again, “Tell me more, Dan Hyun.”

Her weight dipped from side to side, tongue too fast with the possibility of all she could say. 

“When Kasumi chooses to flank and execute enemies from point-blank range, it’s because she’s scared. She’s still a thief, not a murderer. She doesn’t like how guns feel in her hands.” Dan Hyun’s nails click against each other as she fidgets. “I know. I don’t like them either,” she whispered. “Why is she here then, if she’s not a soldier? She doesn’t need Cerberus for the credit transfusion. She doesn’t owe them anything.” Her chin fell. “But.. she’s here because she’s lonely. She needs Keiji back, even if that means dying.”

The running tank water bubbled behind them, Moon Jellies shining their glow on Dan Hyun’s skin. “It’s not really about the Collectors for her, just like it’s not really about the Collectors for you.” Light colors to blue, her eyes following their swim through the aquarium. “That matters, because at the end of the day, everyone here is looking for someone who will think they’re worth caring about.”

“Do you consider yourself as a part of ’everyone’?”

Her gaze lingered on the tentacles of the jellyfish, wrapped around the small guppy it had caught on its hunt.

“More than I consider the rest.”

It was blunter than she intended, honesty always was, even when delivered with the tenderness of fragile petals on the spring wind. He didn’t comment on that and Dan Hyun found that she was grateful.

“It’s a weak leadership style, in the end. People are loyal to you for what you can do for them, and if they really don’t like you, it’s easy to be used and thrown away. So Zorya…” teeth ground, hidden under plush lips. “Was dangerous. Scary.”

Her hand tingled, looking down making her realize that his was a swing away. It seemed the two tiles separating them had become one without notice. It was obvious she had moved closer than him, polished black boots fraying into the last open square between them. 

But he had moved too.

“I saw your expression, on the bridge.” His words dragged her stare back to him, finding a glaze over orbs of forever black. They shone with the recollection of his memories, pupils twitching while they scanned the scenery of a moment she had lost to time. “You told me not to shoot. The faintest shake of your head. My fingers trembled on the trigger, breath held. I wanted to. He was--”

Voice halted from his mouth, though his jaw floundered to continue. A battle of self-control warred along his face, put to a cease-fire when Dan Hyun’s worried fingers grazed his.

The matte disappeared, replaced with a living shine as he came back to her. 

She felt her chest tense as he shifted from foot to foot, the severe scowl that had imprinted on her memory returned to his handsome face. It was sour, wrong. She wanted to smooth it over with soft fingers and thumbs, feel the run of scales return to gentleness under a loving touch. 

Instead, she watched him shake his head, a shudder tearing through his body. 

She felt helpless until sharp nails poked at the back of her hand, the automatic response in her heart willing her to flip it and take his trembling fingers into hers.

It was electrifying, feeling the expulsion of kinesthetic energy from the residue of his memories.

“He would have killed me. And you stayed your hand.” She completed his hanging phrase, lids heavy to speak the truth out loud. “Just like I had asked.” Her head slunk towards him, stopping just short of leaning on his shoulder. “But you would have killed him regardless, wouldn’t you?”

His scaled hand tensed amidst their search for comfort in hers, the result of exposure. There was a stiffness to them now that could only be described as shame.  

“Yes.”

Dan Hyun had known the answer. But she had to make him say it.

Dark brown irises peeked up from their shelter on the tiled floor, burning guilt singing her gaze when she forced their eyes to meet. 

Straight fingers turned gentle at that, body turning more honestly towards her and cupping the hand that had strayed towards him. Like most of Thane’s body, the touch of his palms was cool around her warm flesh. All it took, though, was one look into his eyes to see the passion that flickered within.

“I was foolish, Dan Hyun. I realized I put my faith in myself, instead of you.” He squeezed. “Both as my Commander and… my friend.” 

Thane looked at their hands, lips parted. 

“I’ve never been what some might call a good man. In my youth, I was impulsive… rash. I struggle to understand my decisions, even now.” A caress ran over the bumps in her fingers. “You are someone who holds a very important place in my life, long after it was intended to be over.”

Even when she should have been upset with him, she couldn’t stop marveling at his beauty. Every word was dipped in longing and dusted with turmoil. It was the perfect wrench to her chest, prying her open as the first tear fell.

“You can’t be impulsive like that anymore,” she whispered, so fragile her vocal chords could shatter. “You’re working on a team now, with people who need to be able to trust you to follow.”

She pushed her thumb into his palm, vision blurring. 

“I need to be able to trust you. Understand?”

She hated the hot on her cheeks. She hated it more when he watched them fall.

“You’re cryi--”

“Understand?”

Her interruption had taken all the edge she could gather from herself, combining in force to push him back. He would point out the vulnerability she was showing.

It would hurt.

As much as she wanted him to stumble back, to see her bark and take it for bite, it was obvious through the softening dark that he recognized the truth of the matter. So, despite her trembling hands and tight shoulders, he released her fingers to cradle her face.

With precise, compassionate caresses, his ridged fingers began the process of cleaning away her tears with simplistic intention. Ringed eyes melted in the light of the cabin, paying no mind to the redness of her nose and subsequent quiver of her lip. 

He stopped the shake by meeting his thumb to the bottom curve. 

A place to rest.

“I owe you a hundred apologies, Siha. But do not attempt to deliver me your own.”

Her face glistened with the residue of salt, eyes smudged with red when she looked at him. 

“You support the people who are important to you,” she mumbled. “If I’ve earned your support, you need to make sure that includes respect.”

There was no hesitation to his nod, and it was in this lack of space that Dan Hyun began to feel the first trickles of peace seep through her spine. 

“I understand,” he whispered, lids heavy. “My arm is yours. Where you lead, I follow. What you say… it will be done.”

His cradle had brought their faces close, despite their height difference. She reveled in that, for a moment, taking in the glimmer over his pools, the warm natural yellow of the skin over his cheeks. For the briefest of seconds, she indulged the gnawing desire to peer down and take in the shape of his lips, inches away as they were. 

But only for a second. Returning to him she felt embarrassed at her weakness.

“Sorry,” she whispered, pulling back with anxious eyes.

She was stopped by a hand at her back, not demanding, but not letting her slip by without setting her gaze to his. 

“You don’t have to apo--” he stopped and started his words over "I didn't mean to--" again and again they came, blinks following quickly after. 

And looking very lost.

Dan Hyun bit her lip, then. 

And took the lead.

With sure feet she bridged the little space left, unraveling her arms to wrap up around the straight line of his shoulders. Hands came to a slow rest at the base of his neck, pressing into the cool ridges before spreading separate ways to pull him close and sink her body into his.

She didn’t kiss him.

Instead, she let her nose rest first on the edge of his shoulder, then brought her chin over as she felt hands tuck into the fabric at her waist. 

There was a shudder that passed over him as contact settled, his expression obscured to her sight but the feeling of his body all that she needed to navigate through the storm.

“I forgive you, okay?” she whispered. "For all of it."

Her words were like crystalline droplets, dancing through the blue light. She didn’t expect him to say anything, the tighter squeeze on her abdomen enough for her to find contentment from her place along his neck.

Still, it meant everything to feel his frills press into her with the turn of his head, lips brushing the shell of her ear to whisper,

“Thank you.”