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‘My Da’s going to kill me.’ Jesper mumbled, burying further under the blanket as he did so. Wylan cooed over him, offering out more tissues so that he could blow his nose, Kaz wrinkling his own in response.
‘Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll figure something out.’ Nina cheerfully exclaimed, but she then looked to Inej, like the Suli girl would have a better idea on what to do in this situation.
Colm Fahey had written to Jesper, requesting his hand on the farm while he went to the Southern Colonies to visit family. Jesper had been eager, until he’d come down with a nasty flu that had him curled up in the farmhouse, coughing up his stomach every other moment.
Kaz disliked illness, and had settled for the seat as far away from the group as possible.
‘How hard can it be to run a farm?’ Wylan responded, Jesper beginning to list off the things his Father had asked them to do. Milking cows, moving the sheep to new pastures, checking on the crops and weeding the herb bed. Moving bales down to the sheds, and making sure that the milk was taken to the local market on the right days.
With each task, the group looked more out of their depth. It was amusing to watch, Kaz thought, as he abandoned the papers he’d been studying. Rising out of his chair, he glanced to the sick Zemeni, and those that would likely catch it if they stayed so close.
‘I’ll handle the chores, save myself from this… illness.’ He scowled at them, just as Nina burst out laughing.
‘You? Feeding cows? I’d pay to see that.’
Ignoring the Heartrender, Kaz crossed the room to the door, pausing before leaving his cane against the wall. He could walk without it for a while, especially after the Fabrikator, David, had crafted a brace for his knee.
Leaving Nina cackling, and Matthias calling him a demjin, Kaz went to tend to the farm.
**
It was rather shocking, how quickly he fell back into the role he’d used to occupy. His movements were on instinct, cutting open another silage bale to feed the cows. They regarded him curiously, like they could identify the fact that he was not their usual owner, but one that still knew what he was doing.
At some point, Kaz had abandoned his gloves. It was a frustration, but he could hardly milk the cows with the leather inhibiting his hold, so he swallowed down his pride and left them with his jacket.
The sheep were louder than he remembered, noisy creatures that were far too brave as they came up and waited to be fed, for Kaz to stroke a hand through wool and remember the greasy texture.
‘You’re not Mr Fahey.’
Kaz startled, wondering when he’d allowed someone to sneak up on him. An elderly woman was leaning against the fence, eyeing him up as he straightened, abandoning the bag of food that had been slung over his shoulder.
‘Mr Fahey’s gone to visit family, leaving his son in charge. Jesper.’ He added, in case it wasn’t enough proof.
Kaz wasn’t sure why he felt the need to justify himself to an old woman, one that opened up the gate and moved in. Her hand stretched out, a smile on her lips.
‘Maria Tonkins, owner of the farm just down the track.’
Dirtyhands wondered how he’d managed to end up on a farm, playing the polite farm-hand as he slowly took her hand in his, bare skin making his stomach clench.
‘Kaz… Rietveld. A friend of Jesper’s.’ They may not have heard of Kaz Brekker here, but the surname tasted wrong on his lips, especially when he had spent most of the day tending to the farm.
‘Well, Mr Rietveld, tell me, how ever did you manage to get those sheep to listen to you like that?’
It was such a strange question, that Kaz could not help but laugh, before he began to tell her the tricks he’d learned from his Father.
**
‘There’s a tractor in front of the house.’ Wylan was staring out of the window, clearly confused, and Jesper shoved the blanket off enough to sit up.
‘A tractor?’
‘And an old lady.’ Nina agreed, the group all trying to gather at the window to identify what was happening.
‘That must be Mrs Tonkins, Da’ says she’s a friend.’ Jesper grumbled, figuring he probably ought to go and see what she wanted.
‘By the saints.’
‘What is it?’ Matthias asked the former Wraith, who simply pointed.
‘Holy…’
**
‘Honestly, my husband, Saints rest his soul, had no idea how to get this old thing running smoothly.’
Kaz hummed in agreement, focused on keeping his hand steady as he turned the wrench. Although he couldn’t see Maria, she had to be standing close, watching as he stayed underneath the engine of the tractor.
‘It’s been rattling for the best part of ten years, my boy, it’s a marvel it’s still running.’
He could agree with that, wiping grease from his hand as he identified the problem.
‘Oh! Jesper, look how you’ve grown!’
Kaz almost shot up at the sound of footfalls, his Crows approaching. He was rather vulnerable at this point, underneath the tractor and unable to see what was going on.
‘Mrs Tonkins, I hope Kaz isn’t causing you any trouble.’ Jesper’s voice was filled with a casual threat, which Kaz ignored.
‘Of course not! Mr Rietveld simply offered to have a look at this old girl.’
Kaz winced at the use of his surname, but finished tightening the bolt regardless, before slipping out from under the machine. He had to look a mess, white shirt stained with oil, but he ignored the looks his Crows gave him as he ran a hand through his hair.
‘Should be working just fine now, Maria.’ His hands were the colour of his gloves, Kaz mused, stepping away from the machine as she beamed.
‘You’re an absolute Saint, my dear.’ She chirped, patting his cheek as she stepped past him to the tractor.
Kaz restrained from the eye roll, instead offered out an arm so she could climb up. Her hands hit his forearm, unclothed after he’d shoved his sleeves up above his elbows, but he ignored the part of his mind that panicked.
Once she was gone, the beast trundling off down the track, Kaz glanced back to Jesper. He still looked sick, eyes puffy and his nose running, but it wasn’t anything like the Pox.
Thank the Saints for that.
‘Mr Rietveld?’ Jesper questioned, Kaz narrowing his eyes.
‘If you get me ill, I’ll kill you myself.’ Kaz threatened, turning back to the barn.
**
‘Easy.’ Kaz murmured, letting his hand skirt up the muzzle, to the horse’s ears as he calmed her down. She settled, forgetting the distress caused by the butterfly that had entered the stables.
‘You’re good with the animals.’ Nina commented, picking at one of her nails from where she was perched on the mounting block. Kaz didn’t look to her as he continued brushing the mare down, figuring his expression would betray him.
‘You were born on a farm, weren’t you?’ She concluded, accurately, and Kaz glanced to the Heartrender.
Nina was studying him, but she didn’t speak again after that.
His silence was the only answer she needed.
**
‘Drink.’ Kaz grumbled, shoving the broth into Jesper’s hands. He jolted, eyes darting up to Kaz, before looking back at the liquid.
‘Is it going to kill me?’ He asked, the other Crows watching the exchange quietly.
It was the fifth day of their stay. Kaz usually avoided the others at all costs, sticking to the animals if he could. The heat had become too much for his usual outfits, so he’d take to wearing just a shirt and his trousers, both rolled up slightly so he didn’t overheat. It left him feeling naked to their eyes, to the way they’d stare at his bare hands when he tended to the animals.
‘Why would I kill you so subtly?’ Kaz drawled, turning his back on the Sharpshooter and instead moving to his usual seat. It was evening, and they had all eaten, save for Jesper, who couldn’t stomach anything.
However, he did attempt to eat what Kaz had given. A spoon of the liquid, lifted to his lips, sipped cautiously.
Kaz didn’t miss the way his eyes widened, the look of shock as Jesper swallowed it down.
‘Ghezen, Kaz, this is good!’
Kaz knew it was good. It was what his Ma’ had made him, when he used to get ill as a child.
He didn’t say any of that, just glared at the Zemeni boy.
‘If it stops you from complaining, I’d drown you in it.’
**
‘There’s nowhere near enough room in this Cart.’ Wylan had a point. The Cart was being driven by Maria’s plough-horses, two beautiful geldings that Kaz had greeted when they’d stepped out of the house.
It was Market day, and Maria had agreed to lend them the cart so they could take the milk.
Jesper was up and about, perched in the Cart with Wylan by his side. Matthias and Inej had also taken their seats, but Nina was frowning at the narrow space left, and the food that had yet to be stores.
‘You could always tack up Dill, if needed.’ Maria’s suggestion was aimed at Kaz, who paused.
Dill, the mare that belonged to the Fahey household, had a set of tack that Kaz had stared at for a while. But he hadn't dared ride, not when the others might see.
‘Indeed.’ Kaz finally commented, heading to the barn.
By the time he led Dill out of her stable, tacked up and ready, the Cart had been packed. Maria had climbed up to the driver’s spot, and was offering Nina the space beside her. It would be cramped, and he could tell Nina was hardly comfortable seated beside the old lady.
‘You could ride with me.’
He only realised he’d spoken when heads turned to him, to where he was lowering a stirrup to mount Dill.
Nina paused, giving him time to retract the statement, but he didn’t. Instead, he swung his bad leg up and over the horse, settling in the saddle and stretching his hand out for Nina.
The Grisha smiled, pale fingers linking with his as he lifted her up. It was far too much contact, Nina settled behind him with her thighs against his, but she kept her hands on the back of the saddle, like she knew he was uncomfortable with it.
With that sorted, they set off.
**
‘I’ve never ridden properly before.’ Nina commented, as they headed back from the Market. It had been a successful day, selling the milk and wool that Kaz had collected.
Kaz was sitting at the back, this time, with Nina in front. There was a distance between them, a space that kept Kaz from panicking.
‘You should stretch her legs out a bit. It’s been a while since she’d had the chance.’ Maria commented, looking to Kaz.
Dirtyhands was loathe to admit the woman was growing on him. He didn’t remember much of his Mother, but from what he could recall, she was like Maria. The wife of a farmer, having to learn about the lifestyle quickly. A kind heart, but a sharp tongue.
Kaz, for some reason, nodded. Part of him had longed to ride, to feel the freedom of the air rushing past as they flew over countryside. As a child, him and Jordie would share a horse, their ploughing horse, and race out as far as they could.
‘Hold on.’ Kaz advised, noting the way Nina’s hands gripped the mane of Dill. For extra precaution, he hesitantly took the reins in one hand, slipping his other around her waist.
If she was surprised, she said nothing. Kaz clicked his tongue, heels digging in slightly, and Dill was off.
They stuck to a gentle canter, allowing Nina to squeak and tense, before relaxing into the saddle when she realised that he wasn’t going to let her fall. By the time they’d looped back around to the Cart, Nina had released her hold on Dill’s mane.
‘I’ll take the Cart, give you a chance to ride by yourself.’ Nina remarked, slipping from the saddle and settling in the back, almost on Matthias’s lap.
With one last look to his Crows, Kaz took off once again.
**
Maria watched the boy as he rode, as the horse galloped across the fields. He was confident, posture almost perfect as he rose up, a cheer being caught by the wind.
‘I’ve never seen Kaz look so happy.’ The Suli girl murmured, before warily looking to Maria.
The woman did not ask why they all looked so afraid of the boy, nor did she tell them that she was more than aware that his name was not usually Kaz Rietveld.
Still, as they arrived back at the farm, she could not help but feel a pang of worry for him.
With Kaz in the stables, Maria stopped Jesper, the boy that she had not seen in over ten years.
‘Be careful, dear. He seems dangerous.’ She whispered, noting the looks they exchanged.
‘Oh no, you misunderstand. Not dangerous to you,’ She paused, watching as Kaz spoke to the horse he was grooming down, a naïve expression of boyish hope on his face,
‘Dangerous to himself.’
**
‘Would you want to live on a farm?’
The question came out of nowhere. Kaz had no way to prepare his expression, to hide the panic that came with thinking of doing so.
‘No.’ He answered swiftly, just as his ears picked up on the sound of a cart rolling over dirt.
‘Why not?’ Inej prompted, frowning as he pulled his gloves back on. He’d not worn them in eleven days, but now, he returned them to his skin.
‘I belong to the Barrel.’ And the Barrel belongs to him, the unsaid words that passed through the room as the door swung open.
The Crows startled, but Kaz did not.
Anika glanced around the room quickly, eyes focusing in on him.
‘Boss, we’ve got a problem.’
Kaz ignored the part of him that was hurt, that wanted to stay on the farm, to stay here. Safe. Hopeful. A normal life, which he might have had all those years ago.
‘What is it?’ He questioned, already rising from the chair and reaching for his cane, which had gathered a thin layer of dust in the short time it had been here.
‘Tante Haleen, Boss.’
Dirtyhands knew he was smirking, from the way his Crows recoiled.
‘Perfect.’