Archive of Our Own

With the fighting over, there was little need for soldiers and Queen Historia ordered the standing military reduced. Levi and Erwin, along with many of their fellow senior comrades were honorably released from active service. As a result of this reduction, many of the soldiers' quarters were converted into libraries, community centers, and other public spaces to help savage what was destroyed in the war. Paradis could finally begin its shift towards a more peaceful, less military-centric society.

Following their discharge, Erwin and Levi were forced to make their own living arrangements for the first time in their adult lives. They quietly packed up the barrack room they had shared for years, leaving behind the snug space where their relationship had begun. Both men were too nervous to discuss the matter of where they would live next with each other, and didn't want to acknowledge the possible repercussions of openly living together. It was something they had never had to worry about before, and so neither was sure how to approach it.

Thus, Levi rented an airy flat, while Erwin used a portion of his military pension to purchase a cozy brick building. Though it was unplanned and unspoken, their respective homes were no more than a few blocks from each other. Levi decorated his flat with simple, unfinished wood furniture and a host of houseplants that he attended to meticulously. Erwin filled his home with dark oak and plush rugs. There was a small garden in the back of the building, but Erwin was hopeless when it came to plants. He would only use the space every now and then, to breathe in fresh air before heading back inside the cavernous home.

Following the relocation, Levi and Erwin would pay each other visits almost daily. Sometimes they would even run into each other in the street, already absentmindedly drifting towards the other's home. Though their new arrangement was supposed to mean freedom, they both ached for the dusty barrack they had shared for so many years. It had been so simple to close the door behind them and let the world disappear into peace, no need to answer to anyone else or explain themselves.

Now, they felt the need to remain careful. They couldn't risk raising the suspicions of their friends or neighbors with their constant comings and goings. This was difficult, as one was nearly always spending the night at the other's house. Levi would often find himself sneaking back to his flat in the twilight hours, or Erwin would wait until Levi had left for the day before stepping out himself. They never complained, nevermind how unnatural it felt to suddenly be apart, to become somehow strangers to each other once more, living in their own worlds. It seemed they had no other choice.

The nights they did not spend together were few and far between — but equally difficult for both Levi and Erwin. They would find themselves laying awake in their respective beds, acutely aware of the blank space on the mattress next to them. They would end up falling asleep with enough room for the phantom man next to them. More than once, Levi awoke with a shout, clutching a spare pillow to his chest as though his life depended on it. More than once, Erwin awoke with a heavy sigh, as though he would never see Levi again, though he was but a five minute walk away.

They missed the smell of each other lingering on the linens, the quirks that one can only know when they live with someone. Levi missed Erwin's mess — the dirty dishes in the sink, the stacks of papers strewn on nearly every surface. Erwin missed the smell of Levi's cooking drifting through the room, the way his clothes and shoes were always cleaned, shined, and neatly arranged. These were things they no longer experienced, and didn't realize they took for granted until it was too late. What an odd experience, to suddenly feel like an outsider in the space of the person you are closest to.

Levi's jealous streak certainly wasn't aided by the knowledge that Erwin had a realm all to himself. He found himself spending more and more time trying to subtly inquire as to Erwin's list of visitors, his heart always preparing itself for the worst, and then loathing himself when he realized Erwin was just as lonely and isolated as he. Erwin could see Levi retreat into himself, not wanting to be a burden. He tried to pull him out of these spells, but it was difficult when he felt so far away.

+++

A fall passed in this way, and then a winter.

They hated the new normal with every day, and hated the way they were becoming used to it. How could peace feel so much like a prison?

One afternoon, as the New Year was approaching, Levi wandered the holiday market, hands shoved in his pockets and a scowl on his face. He resented the happy couples he saw all around him, free to hold hands and link arms and even kiss amidst the festive winter lights. How could he sustain himself for another year like this? Would they always be apart? Would the distance between them continue to grow more and more tangible until they grew brittle and snapped clean in two?

Levi fingered the brass house key in his pocket and an idea suddenly struck him. He stopped in his tracks and thought for a moment. Was it crazy? It didn't matter, his mind was set. Something needed to change. Levi turned on his heel and headed for the neighborhood locksmith.

"I need a copy of this," Levi said, placing the key down on the counter with a metallic clink. The locksmith nodded. Levi sat and waited, his leg jittering anxiously the entire time the locksmith carved a duplicate of the key to Levi's flat. When he was handed the finished product, Levi couldn't help but marvel at the keys, side by side. His original was brass with a round base, slightly discolored from where his fingers frequently met the metal. The new key was a darker silver, with a squared off base. The two were the same shape, of course, yet with the slightest differences.

Levi and Erwin were to have dinner that night, and Levi resolved to give Erwin the key at the end of their meal. The afternoon passed with butterflies rising and falling in Levi's stomach. He finished his errands, getting groceries for the meal he planned on preparing that evening, but his head was entirely elsewhere. He repeatedly jingled his pocket, ensuring both of the keys were still there, as though they could evaporate at any moment.

He arrived at Erwin's home earlier than he intended. Erwin answered the door in a towel, having just stepped out of the shower.

"If I had known you'd be here so early, I would have waited to rinse off with you," Erwin winked. Levi blushed.

"Well you eat so much I figured I had to get a head start," Levi said brusquely, pushing past Erwin and into the kitchen. He knew he was being stand-offish, but it was either that or crumple completely under the weight of his anxiety. He laid out the groceries and set to work on the dinner: chicken, roast potatoes, greens, and fresh bread. He prepared Erwin a cold drink and brewed himself some barley tea to calm the nerves that were slowly overtaking him.

Erwin, now dressed, appeared in the kitchen. He stood next to Levi at the table, reaching for a knife to help him peel the potatoes.

"You don't have to do that," Levi said, his voice snapping. Erwin paused, eyeing Levi.

"Okay," he finally said, taking his drink and sitting down at the table.

"How was your day?" Levi asked, trying to compensate for his roughness. Erwin sipped his drink and went on about the events of his afternoon: discussions about the design of a memorial statue in the square, fundraising efforts for a library in one of the newly-established towns just beyond the wall. Levi half-listened, half let his mind wander about the keys still in his pocket. Why was he so anxious? Was he worried that Erwin would reject him? That Erwin really was happier by himself? That Erwin wouldn't understand the gesture, saying something characteristically clueless like "But won't you just be there to answer the door?"

When the meal was ready, Erwin continued talking as they ate. He was good at filling the silence like that. Even when Levi wasn't in one of his moods, he would listen to Erwin prattle on endlessly. Levi hoped he was doing a good job of appearing interested and involved, nodding at the appropriate times.

But when their plates were cleared, there was nowhere to hide. This was the moment he had promised himself he would do it. He reached into his pocket one more time, feeling the twin pieces of metal, now warm from his body heat.

"Erwin," Levi began. Erwin's bright eyes met his, curious and attentive.

"Yes?"

"I have something...for you," Levi said. Shit, he'd spent so much time worrying about this moment but had hardly focused on what he would actually say.

"Oh?" He grinned.

Without a word, Levi placed the keys on the table, side by side. He was too shy to look Erwin in the eye.

"These are keys."

"I see that," Erwin said.

"To my house."

"Uh-huh."

"One is...for you," he said, pushing the silver key towards Erwin. "So you can come over whenever you want."

The room was thick with silence. Then, Levi heard a small suck of breath. He finally raised his head and saw Erwin's face, flushed and eyes watering.

"Levi," he breathed. He reached across the table and took Levi's hand. "Levi," he said again. Levi felt his own eyes grow glassy. "Levi, move in with me."

Levi practically choked.

"W-what?" he stuttered.

"Please," Erwin said, squeezing Levi's hand. "These last few months have been hell without you here. I can't do it anymore."

Levi's eyes were wide with disbelief. This was one scenario he had not prepared himself for.

"Are you sure? But what — what will people think?"

"I don't care anymore, Levi. We can tell them I'm old and crippled and need an assistant. Or we can tell them I am madly in love with you. I really don't care. I really don't." A tear rolled down Erwin's sharp cheek. "All I care about is you being next to me every morning when I wake up."

Levi was speechless.

"Tomorrow. Tomorrow we'll go to your place and we can start bringing things here. I can't wait another day," Erwin said.

Levi rose from his seat and went to Erwin's side of the table. He wrapped his arms around Erwin's broad shoulders and buried his face in Erwin's neck.

"Thank you, Erwin," he whispered, his voice hoarse. They stayed that way for a long time.

+++

"You know, you should have told me your harebrained scheme before I spent money copying that key," Levi joked. They were on their fifth trip from Levi's flat to Erwin's home, carrying boxes of books and plants and teacups wrapped in newspaper.

"Yes, well," Erwin said. "I do suppose that's true. But in my defense I had no idea what you were planning."

"And just how long were you planning on asking me to move in?" Levi asked.

"Since the day we left the barracks," Erwin said. He may have been trying to be clever, but it wasn't untrue. Levi bit his lip.

They arrived at Erwin's house — now their house — for the last time. It had been easy for Levi to leave his flat behind. He wasn't even worried about the stray cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling. Stepping through the door of their home brought back the feeling of their barrack room: safe and warm. They could close the door and shut out the world. In this realm there would only be the two of them.

"Welcome home," Erwin said, bending down to kiss Levi's cheek.

"Now it's time to really get this place in order," Levi said, setting down his armful of boxes.

"Yes, I think it could use that Levi touch," Erwin said.

"First we'll start with the kitchen. The way you have your dishes arranged is completely inefficient. Then we'll need to see to it that our clothes are organized properly. Your shirts need to be hung you know, not folded up. And the second the ground thaws, we are going to do something about that joke of a garden you have..."

+++

That first night together in their new home, Levi and Erwin made love desperately, repeatedly. As they worked to unpack, they were frequently interrupted by their sudden urge to hold each other, to kiss and press their foreheads together, cupping each other's faces. They ran their hands up and down each other's bodies, feeling every limb and muscle as if exploring it for the first time. It was as though they were trying to make sure what was happening was real. And it was. They fell asleep on the floor of the living room, wrapped in each other, too exhausted from the combination of moving and passionate sex to bother with crawling into bed. Yet they slept more soundly than either had in months.

Finally, they thought, they could know what peace felt like.