Chapter Text
Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet.
He hates those fucking words. He hates that at the time, it wasn’t a matter of not yet but too late .
They defected, they were caught, they were going to be executed on the spot. Reno stole a glance Rude’s way and Rude turned his head just enough for Reno to know he was looking back at him. A breath in as the Soldiers took aim but Reno couldn’t find a reason to tell him. They were going to die, why would he put the pain of would of, could of, should of on Rude’s shoulders too? Let his last thought be something good, like that girl he spent the holidays with. That thought forces Reno’s eyes to drop and he looks away without saying what he wanted to say. Let him die now, it’s too late anyway. The shot never comes. He doesn’t die. Neither does Rude. Reno is suddenly relieved he didn’t tell him and can go back to his one-sided pining while they save the world with one deed, and damn it with the next.
Days, hours, minutes to Meteor impact, Reno can’t stand to be anywhere without Rude. He’s only away to try and assuage a guilty conscience by helping evacuate his designated sector, but when shit starts to get bad again, he finds Rude and he stays there. They’re hiding in the fucking bathroom, in separate stalls. And Reno can’t stand it. It’s his last chance, he should say it, he should tell him. Fielding the question, he goes with something less blunt. Are we partners ? Sure, Rude returns. Heeey, partner . He gets up to tell him, leaving his stall and taking a second to steel his nerves. But all he can do is kick the stall door in and Rude kicks it back with an annoyed what the hell ? The time comes for Reno to fess up but all he can get out is something unimportant. Again, what was the use of wasting their last minutes in thoughts of what might have been. He teases Rude instead, Rude matches his wit, like always. The world doesn’t end.
Life after meteor fall didn’t get any less stressful. After two certain death situations, Reno didn’t think anything could really stress him again. But then the stigma showed up. Rufus was missing, the Turks weren’t technically the Turks anymore, but they were still together, picking off looters who tried to get too close to headquarters remains. Reloading his rifle, Reno noticed something on the back of his hand. A bruise he didn’t remember getting, and he can’t stop himself from wondering if it’s the Stigma. They don’t know much about it, they don’t know how it spreads or how long it takes. Just that it’s painful and it kills. Sometimes in a matter of days. He doesn’t panic, having been in plenty of bad situations before, but his eyes glance to the opposite balcony where Rude is watching the other corner. It’s like Rude knows he’s staring because he turns around to look back. What’s wrong ? Reno had no idea what tomorrow would bring, had no idea if he’d die in his sleep. Nothing was certain anymore. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. All these years, there was one thing Reno was certain of, and he opened his mouth to share. This time, it wasn’t a matter of wasted time, now they could, maybe, make the best of a bad situation. Maybe they could live their remaining life to the fullest, as more than partners. That is… If Rude even felt the same. Before Reno would have told him because there was no time left and he always just assumed Rude would reciprocate. But now? Now he wasn’t sure, and now he didn’t want whatever time he had left to be spent with a broken heart and an awkward partner. So he just shook his head and said he was tired. Not long after, they knew what geostigma was and how it spread and how to treat it. Reno’s worrying was for nothing.
That was the last time he had considered telling Rude anything, at least in his presence. Plenty of nights were spent staring at the ceiling and wondering what if Rude did love him. What if Rude made a move tomorrow? What if Reno had made a move ten years ago? Where would they be now? Would this be Rude’s room, too? Would they stop with the ‘partner’ and the ‘dude’ and the ‘man’ and start saying ‘babe’, ‘hon’, and ‘love’? Bittersweet thoughts that lulled him to sleep some nights and kept him up with an intense, bone aching longing other nights. Reno enjoyed what partnership they had.
People had always associated them together. He had sneers thrown at him when he showed up to the monument for construction and one of the smart asses asked, ‘Hey, where’s your boyfriend?’. While he reveled in the term in his head, outwardly he would open his jacket and show his weapon and invite the guy to say it again. But he never denied or corrected it. The closest he got to heaven was when one of the men asked Reno where his handler was and Rude declared he was right here as he was coming up from the other direction after parking the truck. Reno couldn’t help the smile he threw Rude’s way while the worker scuttered off before he got his teeth kicked in. “My handler, huh?”
“Am I wrong?”
“If it makes you feel important, partner.” Reno shrugged, doing his best to keep his voice from pitching in his excitement. A joke between them. Nothing real, nothing concrete. Just another joke like all the other ones.
An array of dangerous situations arose in the time between the construction of Edge and now, but nothing as doom imposing as some other highlights of Reno’s life. In fact, with Sephiroth gone for good and the stigma cured, there wasn’t really anything left to threaten them. Domesticity? Retirement? Their own demons?
Reno had been away for some time to oversee reconstruction up north, and despite having hated the original monument, there was a certain satisfaction he got when he drove into the town center and found twice as many people working to rebuild it. Edge wasn’t entirely home, but it was familiar enough that Reno considered it nostalgic, and he savored the warm feeling that spread through his chest as he parked the truck off to the side. The last time he was there was for the last-minute invite to Evan’s party, which he wasn’t going to miss for anything because Reno was still waiting on Evan and Rufus to have some sort of sentiment moment. He had been hoping the two of them getting drunk at a party might force some feelings out, but no dice. Even without the waterworks, Reno enjoyed himself. Enjoyed seeing Rude again and having a few drinks while they danced the line between best friends and flirting. For Reno, it had been flirting, for Rude, just the usual antics.
The whole flight back to Healen, Reno muttered to himself in a quiet helicopter, going over the words he wanted to say to Rude when he finally saw him again. The world was saved, for real this time. No more war, no more fighting, no more black ops. Risks to their lives were minimum and… Well, what else were they doing? Ten years was too long. Too many not yets. Too many too lates. He might as well put his cards on the table, and if Rude didn’t pick any of it up, well, at least Reno could just go back to Icicle Lodge and run some northern operations. When he got to Healen and learned Rude was in Edge for the day, Reno didn’t complain about the added two hour drive to their reunion. But the added time didn’t help him any, and he was still at a loss for words by the time he was locking the truck door and pocketing the key.
Approaching the new monument, Reno kept a hand in his pocket as he just watched the people work for a while. There was a lot of downtime, now. A lot of waiting and watching. Some days it bothered the hell out of him, but right now it was a blessing. Like the first warm breeze after a harsh, extended winter. Or the first sip of a stiff drink after a mission went awry. Peace… What the fuck did he do with peace?
“Heeey, partner.” That warm baritone voice drawled and Reno smiled before he looked over to find Rude approaching. “Miss monument duty?”
“Fuck no.” Reno pulled his hand free so he could shake Rude’s. Although it wouldn’t just be a shake; it never was. The moment Rude clasped his hand, Reno’s smile melted into a smirk as they both tensed and set their feet. Rude tried to pull Reno off his feet just as the smaller man shifted his center of balance to his heels and used his body weight to counteract the attempt. A low disappointed grunt told him Rude hadn’t expected Reno to be ready for their old game. “Might be soft now, but I ain’t stupid, yo.”
“I think I’d rather be stupid.” Rude commented, and released Reno’s hand in hopes of sending the redhead careening backward but Reno kept a firm grip of his partner’s hand, smirk turning absolutely wicked. There was a split second Rude realized he lost before Reno spun towards Rude and threw the larger Turk over his shoulder, slamming his back into the pavement. He never let go of his hand.
Crouching beside his fallen partner, Reno smiled brightly. “Still think I’m soft?”
“Yes.” And before Reno could come back with his retort, Rude closed his hand around Reno’s again and pulled him down onto the concrete beside him. He had to shake his hand loose from Reno’s grasp, standing up to brush the dirt from his slacks while Reno laid laughing on the pavement. “Draw.”
“That was not a draw, you sore fucking loser. You were off your feet first.” Reno didn’t rush to stand up, unperturbed by the looks they were getting from the civilians who tried to obviously stop and gather around. “Fuck, dude, I go away for a few months, you forget how this partnership goes?”
Rude snorted, toeing Reno’s side a little too hard so he would get the idea to get on his feet again. He hated it when people stared. “Guess so. You need to stay around this time. Show me the ropes again, sir.”
Grimacing, Reno finally got up while he held his side. “Don’t call me sir, asshole. You know I hate that.”
“I do.” This time, Rude was prepared for the playful punch Reno swung at him, sidestepping it with his own version of a smile. “Come on, partner. You owe me a drink.”
“I do not . You lost . Besides! Where’s my welcome home party? I want an open bar.”
“The best I can do is Seventh Heaven.”
“Oh, fuck no.” Reno shook his head, stopping to look around the square. The last thing he wanted on his first night back home was Rude ogling Tifa while Reno was trying to tell him he was in love with him. “Take me somewhere new.”
A frown, Rude’s brows knit together in thought. “I haven’t been anywhere new.”
“How do you even manage without me?” Reno tsked, hands settled on his hips as he surveyed the newer infrastructure in the immediate area. "There's a bar right here!"
"Too many people."
Making a show of rolling his eyes, Reno turned on his heels and picked a direction. "For fucks sake. Let's walk this way, then. Until we find a bar that's quiet and full of ugly women. I need you focused."
"Is that why you don't want to go to Tifa's?" Rude sounded amused.
"It's Seventh Heaven. Tifa happens to be the owner, but the place is called Seventh Heaven, not Tifa's . Why are you calling it that?" Reno turned on him, stepping backward with just as much ease as if he was walking forwards. He tried to keep his tone light, even as his eyes looked for any hint as to what Rude was really thinking. So far, Rude wasn't even trying to hide that little smile. Whether at Reno's pedantics or the subject, the redhead wasn't sure. "So you do still have a thing for her."
"I do not have a thing for her," Was all Rude allowed on the subject, the bald Turk reaching out to turn Reno around so he could walk straight and avoid backing into people. "Satisfied?"
"No."
It was like no time had passed between them, the two falling into a matched step as they walked shoulder to shoulder. They talked about the city. About what had changed while Reno was up at the lodge. Theorizing about where the company would go next, where the Turks would be sent next. It didn't matter where they went or what they did, Reno would do anything as long as Rude was there. Hopefully, he could be as eloquent as that thought when he finally broached the intention of this meeting.
The intention of this meeting ? That was the fucking problem, wasn't it? Reno was treating it like work. Like he was on a top priority mission and Rude was his target and he had to deliver the message before danger befell him as it always did. Fuck, could he just have a drink? It wasn't that big of a deal, just ten, twelve, fifteen years of pining finally coming to a head. And if Rude told him no, he told him no. At least he'd have an answer. No more 'what if's.
No more 'too late's.
"Will this do, princess?" Reno stuck a thumb over his shoulder at a bar they had come across about four blocks from the city center. It wasn't the slums but it wasn't the main square either. A nice balance. And it looked put together enough; this place made the industrial grunge look work. Reminded him of the bars back in Midgar, really. Reno liked it, he could do with some familiarity before spilling his heart for the world to see. He didn't wait for Rude to give his stamp of approval, grabbing his arm and dragging him inside. "Come on."
Inside was dim and hazy, just like an old smoke bar, and Reno inhaled that carcinogenic air with a satisfied breath. If people stared at them, he didn't notice, pulling Rude towards a quiet place in the back corner. Both private but also a good vantage point of the whole bar. Some espionage instincts never went away.
"This place is perfect." Reno waved to the bartender to bring over something top-shelf.
Rude's smile was gone but he didn't seem too perturbed by his surroundings as he settled in the chair opposite his partner. "It could use a billiards table."
"You're the only person who still calls it billiards and not pool."
"That is not true." Rude huffed, shaking his head as he surveyed the room.
"Who else says it? The boss? He would. Probably talks about polo or some other stuffy sports shit." Shrugging, Reno started picking at his nails, eyes cast low as he struggled to find a place to start.
Now Rude was amused again, but his head dipped just enough to acknowledge he noticed Reno's nervous tick. "Can you tell me what polo is?"
"Some game with riding and giant hammers," All said in a dismissive rush as Reno sat forward, crossing and uncrossing his legs in nervous energy. "Look, uh. Can we. Talk about something?"
Rude said nothing, just waited for Reno to finally look at him so he could see the way his brow raised questioningly. Waiting for Reno to work through whatever he was trying to get out. And Reno was trying, eyes darting down again to scrape nonexistent dirt out from under his nails. But it was hard to voice things he had buried for half his life. Things he had assumed he'd never really have for one reason or another. He didn't have it before, what did he have to lose now?
Sucking in a sharp breath, he was prepared to speak when two glasses were set on the table and a white label bottle of whiskey. Reno lifted his head to thank the waitress when he felt his heart drop to the fucking floor.
"Rude?" She said quietly, but the voice was familiar enough to the older Turk because he turned immediately.
"Chelsea?"