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“May I?”
Atsumu asked the question while watching a random Netflix movie with Kiyoomi. It’s a question that Atsumu raised almost a thousand times. A question which always randomly popped out amidst the shared moments known only to them both. A question that Atsumu always asked despite knowing what Kiyoomi’s answer would be.
“Yeah.”
It’s like a practiced speech. Kiyoomi would always answer with a one-syllable-word before leaning towards his partner. Kiyoomi would always answer with a one-syllable-word before Atsumu would close in and place a chaste peck on Kiyoomi’s forehead.
The two of them would always fall back into a comfortable silence after the short moment of shared bliss. Atsumu remembered his twin telling him how much of an ass he probably was even in his past life, but whenever Kiyoomi would lean just a little more to Atsumu’s side, whenever Kiyoomi would answer him with that one-syllable-word every time Atsumu was asking for his permission—Atsumu thought that he’s probably done so much good things in his past life to deserve a calm night spent like this with Kiyoomi by his side.
—
“May I?”
Atsumu was full of nerves and jitters the very first time he asked that question. It’s a question which popped out after a lot of ‘Yer a freakin’ dumbass if ‘yer gonna sit on ‘yer ass and wait for someone else to take ‘im’ from Osamu. It’s a question which popped out after Atsumu finally managed to admit his feelings for Kiyoomi. It’s a question which popped out after Kiyoomi surprisingly told him that the feelings had always been mutual.
Atsumu almost couldn’t believe the fact that Kiyoomi liked him back. To say that Atsumu was ecstatic was a little bit of an understatement. All he wanted to do right then and there was to jump towards Kiyoomi and wrap him in a warm hug and probably kiss him senseless until the sun shone upon them.
But Atsumu knew that his requited feelings didn’t mean that he could do anything which Kiyoomi may not be comfortable of doing.
“May I?”
It’s a question which hang in the air for a while and Atsumu almost regretted asking it. He didn’t even know if Kiyoomi understood what he meant with that question. If Kiyoomi understood what exactly was Atsumu asking his permission for. Atsumu didn’t know if Kiyoomi understood it when Atsumu himself didn’t even know what exactly he was asking for. Yet, Kiyoomi still answered him with no hesitation.
“Yeah.”
And it was everything which Atsumu needed to hear for him to understand what he was really asking for. Atsumu tipped his toes (because Kiyoomi stood a few centimeters above him goddammit) and reached for Kiyoomi’s forehead to place a chaste peck on it.
It’s not too much, but it’s more than enough. It’s a gesture which Atsumu had always looked forward to since the start of their relationship. It’s but a small gesture, something which he probably would be made fun of because of its brand as a grandmother kiss. Yet, Atsumu knew just how much Kiyoomi valued the boundaries he had put up for himself throughout his entire life, and Atsumu was not about to step on that just because their feelings had always been mutual.
—
“May I?”
Atsumu asked the first time they walked home together as a couple. Atsumu was almost skipping as he walked by Kiyoomi’s side, trying to hide the nerves and excitement that he was feeling. Most times they would walk back to the MSBY apartments with Bokuto and Hinata, but it was one of those days when the two had other plans for dinner and Atsumu was left with more alone time with his partner.
He even made sure that Kiyoomi saw him using the hand sanitizer he bought online. It had different scents and Atsumu wasn’t sure which scent Kiyoomi would like so he ended up buying twelve different hand sanitizers. That day he was using the lavender scented one because it was said that lavender always helped to provide some calm.
And Atsumu desperately needed some calm before the impending answer from one Sakusa Kiyoomi.
He didn’t know how Kiyoomi understood what he meant with it, but behind the face mask hiding Kiyoomi’s lips, Atsumu felt like the raven was smiling as he answered him.
“Yeah.”
Atsumu tried to keep himself calm, but a sigh of relief still escaped his lips as he heard that one-syllable-word out of Kiyoomi’s mouth. Atsumu stopped skipping on his steps before he walked closer to Kiyoomi, slowly reaching out for his hand.
One, his pointer finger. Two, his tallest finger. Three, his ring finger.
Atsumu slowly reached out for each finger, a silent question asked behind each gesture. He slowly laced each of Kiyoomi’s fingers with his own, giving Kiyoomi enough time to retract, to pull back, to tell him no because he wasn’t too comfortable yet to share that kind of intimacy with Atsumu.
Yet, Kiyoomi only held his hand back until all their fingers were laced together and Atsumu could no longer decipher which he should focus on—the warmth brought about by Kiyoomi’s surprisingly bigger hands or the wild thump, thump, thumping of his heart which he hoped to all gods that Kiyoomi was not hearing because it would be no less than embarrassing.
And amidst the warmth, amidst the miscellany of bliss and chagrin and excitement, Atsumu smiled a little as he realized that the tips of Kiyoomi’s ears were flushed pink.
—
“May I?”
Atsumu once asked the question when there was only the two of them in the apartment because Bokuto and Hinata were out for their double-date. Atsumu spent his morning cleaning the apartment with Kiyoomi, listening to songs which he could dance into while stealing a glance at Kiyoomi every now and then to see if he were smiling. Atsumu and Kiyoomi spent their lunch time eating a take-out set from the Chinese restaurant the two of them frequents to.
When afternoon came around along with the silence and chill brought about by their aircon, Atsumu muttered that question as he sat beside Kiyoomi on the couch, both of them fresh from the bath after an exhausting day of cleaning the apartment.
Kiyoomi shifted his gaze towards Atsumu, eyes looking at him as if trying to confirm what Atsumu’s question was all about. The setter gulped an imaginary lump on his throat as he glanced at Kiyoomi’s lips before hazel eyes once again met those beautiful raven ones.
“Yeah.”
It was a short response, something that Atsumu had probably heard a hundred or thousand times. It was a response which never failed to make him feel elated, grateful, and still undoubtedly nervous.
Atsumu shifted on his seat a little before he leaned towards Kiyoomi, taking one last glance on his lips before he met Kiyoomi’s eyes once again, waiting for him to pull back and probably change his mind.
Yet, Kiyoomi just closed his eyes and waited for Atsumu to close the distance between them. For a moment Atsumu wondered if he could just stare at Kiyoomi from this distance and etch this beauty in his mind. If he could just admire those two moles on top of Kiyoomi’s forehead. Admire the perfectly lined bridge of his nose. Admire his jaw which seemed so perfectly chiseled. Admire his cheeks which was then hinted with a little flush of pink. Admire his lips which seemed too plump and soft and perfect for kissing.
Right.
Atsumu would probably ask for permission to stare at Kiyoomi from this short distance in the future, but right here, right at this exact moment, Atsumu was granted a permission which he wanted to live up to.
Atsumu dived in for a kiss.
It was just a brief and innocent kiss. Atsumu held Kiyoomi’s chin with his pointer and his thumb only to guide him into a much better angle. Atsumu only felt their lips touching, only heard Kiyoomi’s soft gasp when Atsumu held his chin, only felt the buzzing feeling from his lips to every nerve on his body when those plump lips finally met his.
It was merely three seconds or so, something which would probably pass as a kiss from high schoolers, yet Atsumu still felt a little hazy when Kiyoomi pulled back and looked him straight in the eyes.
If Atsumu were any more sober, he would probably believe himself when he thought he heard Kiyoomi whisper ‘You’re beautiful’ before Kiyoomi stood up and went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.
—
“May I?”
The question slipped Atsumu’s lips before he could even really think about it. It was a usual Thursday night. Atsumu was sitting across Kiyoomi in the dining area, eating their usual dinner prepared by Kiyoomi because ‘I think all the genes for knowing how to cook good food went to your brother.’ It was a usual Thursday night until Kiyoomi suddenly announced that he’d be moving out of the MSBY apartments already.
Atsumu thought he probably shouldn’t have asked the question. The two of them had only been together for almost a year and he didn’t want to come across as clingy or possessive. Yet, the thought of Kiyoomi moving away from him when he had gotten too used to living with him in the MSBY apartments really brought an unsettling feeling on his chest.
“Yeah.”
Atsumu heard Kiyoomi before he could even fully regret asking the question and process every thought his mind was coming up with. Atsumu opened his mouth to speak up, to clarify that he was actually asking if he was allowed to move in with Kiyoomi. It wasn’t the usual ‘May I?’ question which Atsumu only ever asked in relation to small skin-to-skin gestures which Kiyoomi was sometimes a little uncomfortable with.
This time, Atsumu was asking Kiyoomi if he could live with him not because of the limitations of being in the same team and having a free lodging area that they should all share with each other.
“We could start moving our things two weeks from now. The realtor said we can sign the contract on Saturday and I figured we can go by then since we only have half a day of practice. Is that fine with you?”
Kiyoomi asked him like they would be out on Saturday to buy a pint of ice cream. Atsumu just stared at him for one, two, or maybe three more seconds just to ensure that Kiyoomi was not having second doubts about his decision.
After all, he said ‘we can sign the contract’. We. Plural. Kiyoomi was asking Atsumu to sign the contract with him and be the co-owner of the place where the both of them could possibly spend the rest of their lives in. Kiyoomi was asking him to live with him despite knowing that he was not required to. Despite knowing that he had the option to just live by himself without the presence of one Miya Atsumu who still sometimes tend to forget to clean up his mess in the living room.
Atsumu bit his lips to keep his composure before he smiled at Kiyoomi and asked him a question.
“May I?”
Atsumu asked.
“Yeah.”
Kiyoomi smiled a little as he muttered that one-syllable-word and that was all Atsumu needed for him to stand up and head to Kiyoomi’s side to wrap him in a big hug. Atsumu felt the tears welling up on his eyes. He kept his arms wrapped around Kiyoomi for a little while longer just so he could compose himself before he could meet Kiyoomi’s eyes once again.
And if Atsumu cried himself to sleep from so much happiness that night, then that’s a secret that he was ready to take to his own grave.
—
It wasn’t until a year and a half into their relationship when Atsumu’s brain decided to fuck with him.
Atsumu knew that Kiyoomi would never say yes to something that he never really wanted to do. He knew that Kiyoomi would never permit Atsumu to hug him, touch him, kiss him, or any and all other things which would have excessive skin-to-skin contact, or things which were a little too intimate for one Sakusa Kiyoomi. For the longest time Atsumu believed that Kiyoomi always said yes because he wanted to.
Because Kiyoomi wanted to do all these things as much as Atsumu did.
But of course, his brain would always fuck with him. When everything seemed to be going so well, his brain would always find ways to make Atsumu believe otherwise.
Everything was going so well until one night when the team was eating together at a yakiniku place. Atsumu asked Kiyoomi to buy mint chocolate ice cream afterwards so they could share and enjoy the pint at home.
“Sure,” Kiyoomi responded quickly which earned a few confused looks from their teammates.
“Of course! Omi-omi has a soft spot for his boyfriend!” Bokuto commented merrily before eating another slice of meat. The team just laughed it all off like it was all they needed to hear for everything to make sense. Atsumu furrowed his brows and looked at Kiyoomi, raising his brows to urge the raven to speak up.
“What?” Kiyoomi asked as soon as he finished eating his share of meat.
“I don’t get why they think you have a soft spot for me just ‘coz of ice cream,” Atsumu said to which Kiyoomi just shrugged. The blonde took some grilled vegetables and continued eating while trying to rewind the scenario over and over again on his mind, thinking, contemplating, looking for what could possibly be the trigger for—
“D’ya not like mint chocolate?” Atsumu asked as the cogs on his mind seemed to have finally started working. Kiyoomi just heaved a sigh before he playfully jabbed Atsumu’s side.
“It doesn’t really matter,” Kiyoomi answered before going back to talking with Meian on his other side.
Of course, it did matter. They were almost a year and a half into their relationship and Atsumu didn’t even know that Kiyoomi didn’t like that flavor. Kiyoomi didn’t like it, but he still always ate it with Atsumu just because Atsumu wanted to. Just because Atsumu asked him to.
His brain chose that one silly thing as the trigger. His brain decided to try and remind him of every single requests which Atsumu asked Kiyoomi. His brain took that one silly mint chocolate incident as an opportunity to try and make Atsumu believe that maybe, just maybe, things were not as smooth sailing as Atsumu thought they were.
Maybe all the instances when Atsumu was granted permission to touch, to kiss, to hug, or to just be intimate with Kiyoomi were something out of Kiyoomi’s comfort.
Maybe all the instances when Kiyoomi said yes were nothing but a result of Kiyoomi having a soft spot for Atsumu like they all believed so.
Maybe Kiyoomi only said yes because Atsumu was asking him.
Maybe Kiyoomi didn’t really want to do things as much as Atsumu did.
After all, Kiyoomi never asked for Atsumu to be intimate with him. Kiyoomi never held Atsumu’s hand first whenever they were on their way home. Kiyoomi never initiated to wrap Atsumu in an embrace. Kiyoomi never asked Atsumu for a kiss.
It was just a silly comment. One silly comment made amidst the fun and laughter shared between teammates fighting on the same side of the net.
Yet, it was that silly comment which made Atsumu stop asking for anything else.
—
Atsumu made it through a week of not asking for anything. He made it through a week without holding Kiyoomi’s hands while walking back home. He made it through a week without a random peck on Kiyoomi’s lips as he prepared their dinner. He made it through a week without so much cuddles while watching a bad ‘90s movie about aliens and spacecrafts. He made it through a week without initiating anything.
It was hell.
Maybe his brother was right. Maybe Atsumu really was the clingy one between them two.
“Is everything alright?” Kiyoomi’s voice brought Atsumu back to the current. The two of them were in the master’s bedroom, fresh from the shower while sitting by each other’s side with their backs leaned against the headboard. There was yet another ‘90s movie playing on the screen of the television, filling the room with the sounds of gunshots and poorly animated explosions which the protagonist definitely survived.
“Yeah. Of course,” Atsumu answered and wished that his voice didn’t sound as unsure as he felt at that moment.
Come to think of it, maybe Atsumu should move back to the other room. The one which he was occupying before he upped and asked Kiyoomi if he could sleep by his side for one night—which then turned to sleeping beside Kiyoomi for all the other succeeding nights.
The two of them fell back into silence and let only the sounds from the movie permeate the room. Atsumu wished it were the same kind of comforting silence which he always felt when he was with Kiyoomi. Atsumu wished he could just focus on the movie so he could probably understand why the protagonist just couldn’t seem to die despite all the blood from the gunshots he received. Atsumu wished he could share this close proximity with Kiyoomi and not think about how this was probably border line uncomfortable for his partner.
Another explosion and a cheesy line exchanged between the protagonist and his partner later, Kiyoomi decided to break the silence with two words which Atsumu never imagined to hear from him.
“May I?”
Atsumu whipped his head to look at Kiyoomi’s side, the movement making him feel a little dizzy from the suddenness. Atsumu looked at Kiyoomi as if he just grew another head. He took his time to process the words, those two goddamn words, thinking if it was just a pigment of imagination brought about by his overthinking mind. Atsumu just stared at Kiyoomi, searching for any signs of hesitation, waiting for Kiyoomi to take back the words which had been the root cause of all of Atsumu’s troubles the past week.
Instead, Kiyoomi just took a deep breath before he repeated the question, louder and a little bolder this time.
“May I?”
Atsumu opened his mouth a little, searching for the right words to say, looking for the right questions to ask. When nothing came, Atsumu closed his mouth and tried to process what Kiyoomi was asking about. May I what? May I change the channel? May I just sleep now because it’s already too late? May I just sleep on the other room because I’m actually not comfortable right now with you? Atsumu thought that there were hundreds of possibilities from that simple ‘May I?’ and he couldn’t pinpoint what exactly was Kiyoomi asking a permission for.
Was this how Kiyoomi felt whenever Atsumu was asking the question? How did Kiyoomi even understand Atsumu back then?
“Yeah.”
Atsumu didn’t realize that he muttered an answer until he heard it from himself. He didn’t realize that there was already an answer until he noticed Kiyoomi slowly leaning in and closing the distance between them. He didn’t realize what he just consented into until Kiyoomi’s lips were finally pressed against his.
Oh god. Sakusa Kiyoomi was kissing him.
For a moment Kiyoomi pulled himself back, looking at Atsumu before he cupped Atsumu’s cheeks and whispered the question yet again.
“May I?”
Atsumu breathed out a shaky exhale before he nodded and smiled at Kiyoomi as he whispered,
“Yeah.”
This time, Kiyoomi kissed Atsumu a little harder than before. Sakusa Kiyoomi initiated a kiss—and it was not just any other kiss. Kiyoomi kissed him with heat, with so much need, with an urge to go deeper, to go beyond the unspoken limits which the two of them never ventured before. Kiyoomi angled his face in a way that their lips fit perfectly against each other and Kiyoomi could have full access on Atsumu’s lips.
Kiyoomi played with Atsumu’s lips a little, nibbling on it as if testing the waters. When Atsumu just mewled at the act, Kiyoomi finally sucked against Atsumu’s lips before he bit and poked it with his tongue. That was all it took for Atsumu to finally let out a loud moan and Kiyoomi took it as an opportunity to push his tongue past Atsumu’s lips — circling his tongue around Atsumu’s own before he slowly sucked on it.
Atsumu gasped at the foreign feeling against his mouth. Sure, he had been French kissed by other guys before, but this was Sakusa Kiyoomi they were talking about. Sakusa Kiyoomi who refused to pull off his mask unless they were playing or they were at home. Sakusa Kiyoomi who refused to hold another person’s hands unless he was sure they washed it properly. Sakusa Kiyoomi who always had his own handkerchief because he refused to use the toilet papers available in public restrooms.
No one could blame Atsumu if he were just a little surprised.
Kiyoomi seemed to have felt the hesitation in Atsumu’s response. Kiyoomi pulled back a little which gave Atsumu some time to catch his breath and look Kiyoomi in the eyes. The raven took another deep breath before he brushed his thumb against Atsumu’s cheeks—the gesture providing some sort of comfort amidst the heat of the moment.
“May I?”
Kiyoomi asked once again, his gaze not once faltering from Atsumu’s eyes. Atsumu felt like Kiyoomi was no longer just asking him about the kiss. No longer just asking him about any subtle touches or soft cuddles. Atsumu didn’t know how, but he just sort of understood. Kiyoomi was asking him for something the two of them had never asked before.
It was the first time that Kiyoomi was on the asking side of things and Atsumu was already on the verge of tears. Kiyoomi was looking at him, staring at him, waiting for his reply like there’s nothing else in the world that mattered except for that one-syllable-word which would cause them to leap beyond their initially set boundaries. Atsumu exhaled shakily before he slowly reached out for Kiyoomi’s cheeks, mimicking the way Kiyoomi rubbed his thumb against his cheeks before he nodded and muttered the answer which almost drowned behind the sound of the movie playing.
“Yeah.”
Kiyoomi smiled a little before he held Atsumu by his hips and pulled him to sit on Kiyoomi’s lap, trapping Kiyoomi between his thighs. Atsumu gulped at the suggestive position he was allowed to take, but before he could even fully process such, Kiyoomi was back on his lips and kissing him once again.
This time the kiss was slower, gentler, as if Kiyoomi was willing to take all the time in the world just for this moment. Atsumu snaked his hand against Kiyoomi’s scalp, brushing his fingers against those soft raven locks. This time it was Atsumu who sucked on Kiyoomi’s lips. It was Atsumu who angled his head just a little to the right so he could kiss Kiyoomi deeper. Atsumu bit Kiyoomi’s lips and the latter responded in kind, parting his lips for Atsumu to explore his cavern.
Atsumu almost smiled into the kiss. Kiyoomi tasted like the mint toothpaste he and Atsumu shared with a little hint of the one shot of vodka he drank before settling on the bed for a bad ‘90s movie. Atsumu swore he could kiss Kiyoomi senseless and get himself drunk with just the taste of vodka from Kiyoomi’s mouth.
Kiyoomi’s hands started to wander around Atsumu’s body. Those lean fingers travelled from the blonde’s nape and trailed a path down his spine. Atsumu moaned as he felt himself shiver against the touch. Kiyoomi’s hands traveled towards Atsumu’s waist and kneaded on it before he slipped his hands towards the hem of Atsumu’s shirt. Kiyoomi pulled back from the kiss only to whisper another short ‘May I?’
Atsumu didn’t trust himself to not stutter from just saying one word, so he resorted to just nodding repeatedly as a response. Kiyoomi then pulled Atsumu’s shirt off of him before he started to leave trails of kisses from Atsumu’s ears, down to his jaw, down to his neck, choosing a spot to suck on and Atsumu tilted his head unconsciously to give Kiyoomi more access to his sensitive spot.
Atsumu wondered if it would leave a mark like how he always wanted to. Atsumu wondered if it would leave a mark and if he could boast just a little that the Sakusa Kiyoomi made it. If he could boast a little that Kiyoomi left it there for the world to see, for the world to know that Atsumu was his and his alone.
“I want you,” Kiyoomi whispered as he pulled himself away from Atsumu’s neck.
“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Kiyoomi whispered against Atsumu’s ears before he proceeded to trail soft kisses once again.
Kiyoomi used his lips to form a path —
from the shell of Atsumu’s ears, “I missed you touching me,”
a kiss on his earlobe, “Atsumu…”
a kiss on his cheekbone, “Hearing you ask me for consent is my favorite,”
a kiss on his chin, “I’ve always looked forward to your requests,”
a kiss on his jaw, “I’ve always wanted to drown you with my own touch,”
a kiss on the side of Atsumu’s neck, “I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to kiss you until you moan my name,”
a kiss on top of his shoulder blades, “I’ve always wondered if you would shiver against my touch,”
a kiss on Atsumu’s clavicle, “I’ve always wondered if you’d permit me to leave my mark against your body.”
Kiyoomi pulled back a little before he leaned in and placed a chaste peck on Atsumu’s lips.
"Every time I agreed to your requests, it was because I badly wanted it.”
A chaste peck on the tip of his nose.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to say this. Took me so long to finally had the courage to ask something from you.”
A chaste peck on his eyelids.
"I’m sorry I made you feel doubt.”
A chaste peck on his temple.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like you were imposing yourself on me.”
And then a chaste peck on Atsumu’s forehead —
“Thank you for respecting my boundaries, Atsumu."
Atsumu had no idea when the tears started falling. He didn’t even realize that the tears were there until Kiyoomi started to brush it away using his thumb. Until Kiyoomi started to kiss away the tears and whisper over and over and over again that things would be alright. Until Kiyoomi started rubbing his back while reminding him how he repeatedly fell in love with Atsumu every time Atsumu would ask for his consent about anything.
Atsumu hated how he was crying so ugly in the middle of their supposed first heated love-making session, yet the feeling of Kiyoomi’s hands against his back as he tried to calm Atsumu down from his cries made everything a little more worth it.
And when Atsumu finally managed to stop crying, when Atsumu finally managed to erase the worries on his mind, when Atsumu finally managed to look Kiyoomi in the eyes without his vision blurring — the blonde finally found the voice to speak up.
“I want you, Kiyoomi.”
It wasn’t a question nor a request. It was such a bratty and bold statement which Atsumu had been trying to hold back from saying. Atsumu knew that he sounded like an ass and a greedy little shit like how he was every time he was in the middle of the court, but the smile on Kiyoomi’s lips told him that he didn’t really need to worry about it anyway.
Kiyoomi wrapped his arms around Atsumu’s waist and rolled them over the bed so he could hover above Atsumu.
Kiyoomi propped his knees against the bed and finally took off his shirt and boxers. Atsumu didn’t even have enough time to bask his eyes in the beauty of one Sakusa Kiyoomi because the next moment, Kiyoomi’s mouth was down on Atsumu’s clavicle once again, seemingly pumped to continue his unfinished business earlier. Kiyoomi’s hands started to wander around Atsumu’s torso — inquisitive and inquiring, as if trying to memorize each form of muscle and fiber making it all up.
Atsumu was lost in the pleasure. Everywhere Kiyoomi touched felt like it was burning. Every kiss felt like it was leaving a mark — like how Atsumu wanted to, like how Kiyoomi promised to. The fingers against him sent him tingling, aching, wanting for something more. And Kiyoomi gladly delivered.
Atsumu’s vision was too blurry, this time not because of tears but because of the overwhelming sensation flowing within him. He watched Kiyoomi sink down between Atsumu’s thighs until his nimble hands worked to push Atsumu’s boxers down. Kiyoomi was touching him now, hands busying itself until it’s no longer the lean fingers making Atsumu see the galaxy above him, but warm mouth exploring him languidly.
“Kiyoomi…”
Atsumu breathed out the only name which mattered to him the most, lost in the pleasure brought about by the mouth on his length. Kiyoomi’s hands were now gripping his hips, trying to keep him still as Atsumu reacted to the knee-buckling sensations. Atsumu reached out for Kiyoomi’s hair, gently tugging on it as if doing so would keep him sane, soft curls flowing against Atsumu’s trembling fingers. Atsumu was too focused on the warmth against his length, of Kiyoomi’s mouth soft around him, that it took him a while to recognize the foreign feeling inside him.
One, his pointer finger. Two, his tallest finger. Three, his ring finger.
Atsumu didn’t know when it started and when it would end — but no, he didn’t want it to end. Those hands which he only ever saw doing god’s work amidst the court, hitting spikes after spikes after spikes, were now too busy making Atsumu see the stars in the sky. Those lean fingers whose warmth he only ever felt while walking on the way back to this place they’d been calling their home were now too busy diving inside of him, exploring areas which Atsumu himself didn’t even know he had.
One, his pointer finger. Two, his tallest finger. Three, his ring finger.
Soon they were all knuckle deep — it was too much, but it’s not enough. Atsumu wondered if it would ever be enough. Atsumu wondered if asking for something else right now would be too much. Atsumu wondered and wondered until he opened his eyes and met Kiyoomi’s gaze, eyes pleading and waiting for an answer about an unuttered question hanging in the air. Words already lost amidst the shaky breaths and whispers of affection.
“Please…”
Atsumu cried out before he could even think about it. The past week had been all about the overthinking and right now he had no time nor energy to spare for such a menial task. Kiyoomi groaned the moment he heard that one word, too agitated and too pent up for what it’s worth. Yet, not once did Kiyoomi try to rush. Each of his actions were made with so much care and attention the same way he always trimmed his nails, the same way he always washed his hands, the same way he always wore his mask.
Slowly, carefully, Kiyoomi buried himself deep inside him until Atsumu choked out on his own moans. Kiyoomi didn’t move, planting soft kisses alongside Atsumu’s jaw until he was sure that the blonde was already used to the foreign feeling inside him. And when Atsumu finally found himself comfortable with the medley of pleasure and pain, Atsumu moved his hips up a little. He urged Kiyoomi to move, reminding him that this was what Atsumu wanted, this was what Atsumu had been yearning for the longest time. Kiyoomi pressed one last peck against his forehead before he finally started to move.
Each thrust felt like a burn inside him. There was too much heat, too little oxygen, too much sizzles, too little time, too much ecstasy, too little of Atsumu to take up every pleasure mixing up with pain whenever Kiyoomi pushed and pulled. Atsumu wrapped his arms around Kiyoomi’s neck, legs finding their way around Kiyoomi’s hips which only caused Kiyoomi to reach deeper.
Atsumu spoke Kiyoomi’s name like a prayer—Kiyoomi, Kiyoomi, Omi, god you’re so amazing, and Kiyoomi answered him back with his own words of adoration, praising him, glorifying him like he was worth it.
Atsumu. Atsumu. You’re so beautiful. Fuck, you’re so beautiful. Kiyoomi pushed himself up a little just so he could look Atsumu in the eyes, adore him like he’s some kind of deity waiting to be worshipped, deserving to be worshipped. Kiyoomi was looking at him with so much reverence like he was the most holy and beautiful thing to ever exist in this world.
One movement to the right angle made Atsumu lost the vision of those beautiful raven eyes above him. Suddenly there were just stars and darkness and probably the entire galaxy clouding his vision. Kiyoomi’s pace was now faster, harder, hitting that same spot over and over until Atsumu could no longer do anything else but shout out Kiyoomi’s name.
Kiyoomi. Kiyoomi. Omi. God, you’re so amazing.
It was such a sacrilege, but neither of them cared at the moment. Atsumu tightened his hold against Kiyoomi until the pace started to get more unsteady, until there was a violent lurch on his stomach and a few more seconds was all it took for him to see nothing but white and feel warmth fill inside him. Atsumu was trying to catch his breath until he felt his limbs falling against the bed and Kiyoomi pulling himself out of Atsumu.
Soon there were more chaste pecks, You did so good, the voice said. You’re so pretty, the voice reminded. I wish I could give you more things you deserve, the voice almost prayed. You deserve everything good in this world, Atsumu, the voice assured him.
Atsumu passed out and when he came into, he felt like an hour or maybe an entire week had already passed, but the background music as the movie credits started to roll up reminded Atsumu that it was only a little after midnight. Atsumu shifted a little, hissing as he felt the pain on his lower back. He noticed the empty space beside him and only then did he realize that he was already cleaned up, the traces of their earlier activity no longer apparent on his body.
“Bath’s ready. Shower?” Kiyoomi’s voice rang in the room and Atsumu lifted his gaze up to see the raven standing in the doorway, body already covered with bathrobe.
“Five minutes,” Atsumu said before he pushed himself up to sit on the bed, leaning his back against the headboard. Kiyoomi just nodded and walked towards the bed, settling himself at the edge of the bed so he could face Atsumu properly.
For fleeting moments, no words were spoken. Kiyoomi just stared at Atsumu before looking at the ceiling, at the lamp beside him, at the clock hanging on the wall, like doing so would bring out the words tarried at the back of his throat. Even with the dim lights, Atsumu could see Kiyoomi’s cheeks flushing pink. Atsumu could see the hints of Kiyoomi biting his inner lip, nervous about something he shouldn’t really be worried about.
‘I love you.’
Atsumu knew the words even without hearing it from Kiyoomi. He knew it in the way Kiyoomi took care of him. He knew it in the way Kiyoomi set the pace so slowly, so carefully, every action made to ensure that Atsumu would feel so good he could forget about the pain.
‘I wanted you the same way you always wanted me.’
Atsumu knew it in the way Kiyoomi adored him, revered him like a religious being. Atsumu knew it in the way Kiyoomi touched him, in the way Kiyoomi kissed him, in the way Kiyoomi enveloped him in those arms.
‘Thank you for always respecting me.’
Atsumu knew it because he heard it. Earlier. Amidst the kisses and reassurances and the heat of the moment. Kiyoomi said it explicitly because he knew it was the one thing that Atsumu wanted to hear the most to erase his worries away.
“I know,” Atsumu said and Kiyoomi flinched at the sudden statement. For a few seconds Kiyoomi just stared at him until he found himself smiling at Atsumu, relieved that the misunderstanding had finally been lifted between them two.
Atsumu wanted to say something. He wanted to say something to tell Kiyoomi how much he loved and adored him, too. He wanted to say something to tell Kiyoomi how thankful he was for having him. He wanted to say something to tell Kiyoomi that he would never stop—never stop loving him, never stop adoring him, never stop respecting him.
But Atsumu had never been good with words. He was afraid any words that would come out from his mouth would just make him sound like a brat and an asshole at the same time. So, Atsumu muttered the two words which meant so much for the two of them.
“May I?”
Atsumu asked as he looked straight into Kiyoomi’s eyes and hoped that Kiyoomi would understand all the feelings lingering behind. Atsumu asked and hoped that Kiyoomi would feel all the emotions unspoken, the passion withheld, the sentiment undeclared.
And with just one word, Atsumu knew that all his thoughts had been perceived.
“Yeah.”
So, Atsumu wrapped Kiyoomi in a warm embrace.