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“I know you’re cheating on me.”
The silence between the two of them got quieter, if that was possible. Zuko could see Sokka gaping at him from the corner of his eye, but he continued to stare straight ahead.
They both knew he was talking about Suki.
“I’ve known for about a month now. I don’t know when you started, but that’s when you slipped up. I came home early from work and…”
He had a feeling Sokka knew exactly what he was talking about.
“Zuko, nonono, baby, I -”
“You told her you loved her after.” Zuko swallowed and he could see the way Sokka was floundering about whether to touch him or not. “It’s okay that you do.”
“Zuko, I don’t love her, I love-”
“Don’t,” Zuko cut in, not at all angry in the way Sokka and Zuko himself would have expected. “I’m not angry. Well, I was. But now I’m mostly tired.”
“Zuko,” Sokka said, hushed and pained. “You have to believe me, love. I don’t want her.”
“You wanted her enough,” Zuko whispered.
“If you knew, then why did-”
“I wanted to spend one last day like everything was okay before I let you go,” Zuko interrupted. “But all today did was remind me how not okay this was. You don’t love me the way I want you to. And that’s fine.” He let out a sad, light laugh. “Well, objectively, I guess it’s not fine. But it’s my fault this happened.”
He turned to face Sokka now, ignoring the tears on both their faces and smiled brokenly. “Thank you, for the time that we had together, Sokka. I was happy.” His smile faltered and he fought to keep it up, gaining a sick sort of satisfaction as he watched Sokka fall more into despair. “But I can’t watch you watch her anymore. You should be with her.”
His smile finally fell and he looked away, trying to hide his face and the tears that were falling more rapidly. “You should be with her,” he repeated, words broken up by sobs he was trying to hold back.
He stood abruptly, dodging Sokka’s shaky hands that grabbed for him.
“This is it, Sokka. I’m sorry I couldn’t be enough for you.”
Sokka’s face fell even more and he started to cry harder, scrambling to his feet and reaching out for Zuko again.
“You’re enough. Zuko, please, you’ve got to believe me when I say that you’re enough,” he begged. Zuko shook his head, turning his back on the love of his life.
“You’ve sure got a funny way of showing it.”
~
Zuko waits till dinner is over before he speaks up.
“I broke up with Sokka.”
Three heads nearly snap their necks to look at him, eyes wide, one pair unseeing. Katara and Toph, expectedly, start yelling questions, while Aang looks hurt on his behalf.
“He cheated on me,” he broke in quietly,, and the yelling abruptly stopped. He drew in a shaky breath. “With Suki.”
They all look horrified.
“But she was the one who…”Katara whispered, hand in front of her mouth.
“I know.”
“And she told him to…” Aang says softly. Zuko’s fists clenched.
“I know.”
It’s silent for a moment before Zuko breaks down, curling in on himself and pressing a fist to his mouth before letting out a sob.
The three are on their feet in an instant, Toph being the first to get to him and clinging onto him. She’s crying too, because she’s not used to him breaking down, and she’s not used to the anger burning in her on someone else’s behalf.
“I’m gonna kill him,” Katara whispered vehemently, brushing Zuko’s hair back and pressing a kiss to his forehead. She says it again, like she’s assuring him.
“I’ll help you,” Toph tried to say angrily, but it was ruined by a sniffle as she nuzzled further into Zuko.
“I...might have to rethink my stance on nonviolence,” Aang said, serious in a way that the rest aren’t used to.
“Don’t kill him,” Zuko mumbled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He’s so heavy, shoulders slumping and head hanging. “I just wasn’t good enough for him.”
Those words ignite an even bigger fire in his friends, who spend the rest of the night aggressively assuring him that he is enough, period. That it’s Sokka that wasn’t good enough for Zuko. That Zuko is perfect the way he is and shouldn’t base his self worth on how others treat him.
~
It’s the next day when there’s furious banging on Sokka’s door. He flinched, startled, before getting up to open it. He had no idea who would be banging on his door like that, unless it was Zuko coming back to whoop his ass before leaving for good.
For good.
The second the door is opened, he’s shoved back, stumbling and catching himself on the wall. Before he can even ask what the fuck, Katara’s screaming at him.
“I’m going to fucking kill you!”
His eyes go wide as she grabs a picture off his wall and bombs it at him and, oh fuck, she’s going to kill him.
“I can’t even be a witness because I can’t see anything,” Toph said gleefully and oh, she’s behind his bloodthirsty sister.
There’s a certain level of hatred and vindication in her and he’s, not for the first time, glad that she can’t see him and get her hands on him. “I’m just her alibi should you end up dead.”
“How could you do that to him?” Katara yelled, searching for something else to throw as Sokka ducks behind his couch.
“I didn’t mean to!” he yelled back, yelping when a shoe came flying at him. “It was just a mistake!”
“Mistakes don’t happen for a month straight, Sokka!” Toph shouted and he was going to throw up.
“Fucking Suki?” Katara continued, bombing another shoe at him and knocking over a vase on the TV stand. “Don’t think she’s getting out of this without an assbeating too.”
“I regret it so much!” Sokka yelled, tears starting to fall down his face. There was nothing he regretted more, and he knew he’d never love anybody the way he loved Zuko. Just knowing and seeing the hurt he’d caused Zuko yesterday was enough to break him, not even acknowledging the words Zuko had said.
“ I’m sorry I couldn’t be enough.”
Sokka had spent years trying to heal the hurt within Zuko from his childhood. Abandoned by his mother, disfigured by his father, disowned by his sister. An ex boyfriend named Jet who had taken advantage of Zuko’s low self esteem for a year. He’d spent years trying to convince Zuko that he was good enough.
But Katara and Toph had, too.
So did Aang, who Sokka assumed was with Zuko. It’s not like he had time to ask, what with him desperately dodging anything his sister chucks at him.
She finally decided that indirect violence wasn’t enough for her anymore, and she needed to do direct damage with her own hands. She rounds the couch and grabs him by the collar, hoisting him up. It’s only when he’s standing that he sees the tears in her own eyes and realizes that he’s not only shattered Zuko’s heart, but he’s shattered his baby sister’s perception of him.
“Katara-” he said softly, and the anger is back in her eyes.
“How could you do that to him? He’s so broken, Sokka, you swore to him that you’d never hurt him! He didn’t deserve this at all, he loved you!”
The fight seemed to go out of her, and her grip loosened. Sokka can see her heart breaking on Zuko’s behalf, the hopeless romantic and her belief in happy endings breaking down. “He loved you,” she repeated in a quiet voice, shaking her head slightly and taking a step back. “You were supposed to love him, too.”
He choked back a sob. “Katara, I’m sorry.”
“Wrong person to apologize to, dipshit,” Toph interrupted. There was a grin on her face, but Sokka could see that it was forced and there purely to hide the anger.
She cracked a finger, the grin on her face tightening. “Now. Are you going to give me your excuses before or after your black eye?”
~
Sokka had a black eye. Zuko didn’t acknowledge it, and neither did Sokka.
They both knew where it came from and they both knew that he deserved it.
They were quiet for a long, almost uncomfortable moment. Zuko had asked him to meet up, and Sokka was in no position to deny him anything.
“I have your stuff that you left at my place,” Zuko said, still staring straight ahead. Tears sprung to Sokka’s eyes and he nodded, clearing his throat.
“I uh...I didn’t bring any of your stuff.”
“Throw it away.”
Sokka nodded again, playing with his fingers to stop himself from reaching out and touching. He knew he wasn’t allowed to touch.
“I miss you,” he couldn’t stop himself from whispering. Zuko nodded, still not looking at him.
“I miss you, too.”
It was quiet again and Sokka wanted to scream. He wanted to shout and he wanted to cry and he wanted to beg whatever god there was to send him back in time before he ever ran into Suki again. He wanted Zuko again.
“You know,” Zuko said quietly. “About two months into our relationship, Jet came back for me.”
Sokka’s head snapped up to look at Zuko, who didn’t meet his gaze. He knew he didn’t have any right to feel protective or jealous when it came to Zuko, but he couldn’t help it.
“What happened?” he whispered, scared to hear the answer and wow, Sokka was a hypocritical coward.
Zuko shook his head, finally turning to look Sokka in the eye.
“Nothing.”
The relief was quickly overpowered by the guilt that came rushing into him.
“He texted me one day, when you were at work. Asked me to get coffee with him, said he wanted to talk. I said yes.
“I wanted him to see how wrong he was. That i could be happy without him. That someone could love me. He put his hand on my face, said the least I owed him was one last fuck before he could let me go. That you didn’t have to know, it could be our little secret.
“I didn’t even consider it. I just left.”
Zuko fell silent as he looked down at his hand, trembling softly. “Sokka, I wish you’d just left.”
“Sokka was full out crying now, swearing he’d never hated himself more and could never hate himself more. He’d fucked up the one pure, wholehearted love he’d ever experienced because...what? He wanted to get his dick wet?
“I wish I’d just left too, Zuko,” he broke down. “You never deserved this, deserve so much more than me. I love you, I love you so much Zuko, and I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I miss you, and I know I don’t deserve you but I want to make this right, Zuko, please.”
“How am I supposed to trust you again, Sokka?” Zuko asked, pained. “If I hadn’t walked in on you and Suki, I never would have known. You acted the same as always, kissed and fucked me the same as always. How am I supposed to trust you when you can lie to me so easily? Would you have even ever stopped if I didn’t catch you?”
“I don’t know,” Sokka whispered, dropping his head into his hands. “But I would have stopped.”
“You should probably figure it out before you bring it up.”
Sokka flinched. He’d forgotten that Zuko could be mean when he wanted to, and it seemed like he definitely wanted to.
“You can have the passwords to everything,” Sokka said quickly, looking up at Zuko. “Everything. All my accounts, my phone, my computer. I can put my location on. I won’t see her again. I don’t know if I can even stomach looking at her after this.”
“I don’t want a relationship like that, Sokka,” Zuko sighed. “I don’t want to have to keep tabs on you 24/7.”
“It doesn’t have to be forever,” Sokka whispered. “Just until you trust me again. We can go to therapy together. I can go to therapy alone. Zuko, I’ll do anything to be by your side, please.”
Zuko let out a laugh, but there was no humor in it. “You’re so unfair,” he whispered, looking up at Sokka with tears in his eyes. “So, so unfair.”
“I’m sorry,” Sokka said, sniffling. “I really am. I know I’m unfair and I know that I’m selfish but I swear to you I’ll do anything.”
“You would have told me to leave you and never look back three years ago.”
Sokka closed his eyes and put his head back in his hands. “I know. I know I’ve done everything I’ve ever told you to avoid. But I’ll never do it again. I’ll do whatever it takes Zuko, whatever it takes to stay by your side.”
Zuko scoffed. “Even if I told you to beg on your hands and knees?” he joked, though it was a bit malicious. Without hesitation, Sokka stood from the bench they were sitting on before kneeling on the ground in front of Zuko, bending so his forehead was resting by his feet.
“Please,” Sokka said. “Please, Zuko.”
“Get up,” Zuko hissed, embarrassed. He glanced around to make sure no one could see what was going on. “Sokka!”
Sokka looked up, putting his hands on Zuko’s knees and staying on his own. Zuko’s face was red with mortification, but Sokka could see that something in his eyes softened.
“You’ll do anything?” he asked hesitantly. Sokka started nodding immediately.
“Of course.”
“What if-” Zuko started before his voice faltered. “What if I just wanted to be friends, right now?”
Sokka kept nodding, eyes wide. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “As long as I get to be in your life.”
Zuko sighed, hanging his head and breaking eye contact with Sokka. It was quiet for a long moment before Zuko drew in a shaky breath.
“Don’t make me regret this, Sokka,” he said, voice wobbling. “I’ll hate you forever if you do.”
“I won’t,” Sokka whispered, grabbing Zuko’s hand and pressing a kiss to it before resting his forehead on their joined hands. “I swear, I’ll do everything to make this right.”
“I’m giving you the chance to try,” Zuko corrected, pulling his hand away to flick Sokka harshly on the forehead. “Don’t fuck it up.”
Don’t fuck it up.