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Climbing higher for the feeling

Summary:

Adora is a driver for the Horde, though she goes to Brightmoon Academy.
Catra is trying to date Adora, but she needs her head in the books if she wants to keep racing.
Shadow Weaver is present in her life even though she's rooming with Glimmer.
This next race is the biggest one yet.
If she fails this one she's out of the team.

When she has to face something she doesn't even know about, will she fail? Or will she finish in first place?

OR: Adora is racing with a car to win, but she can't win with what she has.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Adora was dressing up for her race, if she lost this race then she'd be out of the team, she needed a podium.
She got in her car and got strapped in, they told her some stuff about the car, most likely the same strategy as always, try to cut off the others and be the fastest.
She's always been fast at things, as soon as her 'mother' learned this she put her on karts as a 'hobby', that was just her way of saying work.
Apparently all adults said it that way, except they never talked about the money their children made unless they were somewhere private. Made sense, that's how her 'mother' did it too.

Adora realized that she had been zoned out and got back, a little more then 20 seconds until she'd have to ride over to the 14th spot and start the race.
The higher cars got past her and eventually it was her turn to take her spot.
In her ear piece she heard some of the lines she could even hear in her dreams, the strategy.
Why were they repeating the same thing?
The race was starting. She got ready and her start was perfect.
Not feeling it yet she went near the 295 kilometers an hour, the commentator commented on her being slower and more careful today.
Great. That was gonna get the attention of everyone.

She decided to try to go higher and higher with every lap, to test her limits is what she's known for.
Her Horde Team mate is currently behind her, ahead was the Salineas second driver, the first was further ahead.
She kicked she gas up a little and went around the bend pushing the car quite some, she could see the car in front of her make a small mistake, due to panic most likely.
It was Seahawk, he had a reputation of crashing his cars, after all, he was going to stay on the team anyway, with Mermista's dad running the team, and the arranged marriage between her and him that wasn't up for cancel.

Adora snapped back into reality when her engineer yelled her name, she was telling her to either speed up or slow down, she slowed down, she saw why a second later, Seahawk was standing still now, she hadn't noticed at all.
If she had sped up and gone around she would have crashed herself, she would've hit the outer bend, slowing down is costing her time, not the race.
She went around and pressed on, straight part with a hair pin ahead.
Time to punch it.

Adora was usually pretty chatty during the races, but with school and Catra and 'mother' it's hard to quip.
She went to 311 and passed by another car, the Crimson Team, they tend to drive drunk and high, somehow they don't crash as often as you'd think, still less then Seahawk.
She held on to her wheel and pressed the brake so hard it might break her leg, she went through the hair pin slightly leaning on the wall of the outer wall.
Her team mate was just passing Seahawk.
Adora punched it again, still on the wall, she used it to pass the other driver for Crimson.
She was currently at 323 kilometers an hour, that's normal for her, though the heat is more then normal.
But there were still some drivers ahead, so no stopping yet.

She got off of the wall before it was going to turn into the tracks gravel.
She pushed it on every corner, if she were to get a puncture it would cost her more then the race, she's probably break some bones or worse.
Not necessarily in the race, but still due to it.

She was sweating a little and her entire car felt a bit hot, she wasn't going to stop yet though.
She passed the track team dragging off Seahawks car and felt bad for him, not for long, she went on and hit 330 on the straight bit, highest she's gone yet today, it seemed fine.

Her engineer asked her something but Adora could only hear the words, not understand or process.
She went up the wall further with more speed then last time, she passed another driver, the Plumeria Team, she looked and saw the driver looking at her in absolute shock.
They don't take risks like this, neither does the Horde team with their budget, but Adora does, it's her style.
She's passed both the Plumeria drivers before getting back off the wall and out of the hairpin.
She slows down a bit and then a lot, the Plumeria drivers both slow with her and then some, she pulls back up her speed and leaves them far behind.

Ahead she can see Mermista driving, she's not so scared of taking risks either, but doesn’t listen to what her engineers tell her. Adora tries to, though today she has almost not been able to at all.
She hears her engineer tell her to slow down for now and speed past on the longer track.
Sounds good on paper, right? Sure, but Mermista is going to go the full 355 that she can on the long parts, Adora can't even climb up to her normal average of 350. If she's going to win she needs to overpass her now and slow her down on the straight track.

Adora pushed her own limits just as hard as the car and vaguely hears her engineer yelling at her.
It just doesn't seem to reach her, as if the white noise on the line is growing every time Adora blinks or breaths.
She can tune out almost everything, she's doing it too even though she doesn't want to.
Only the track remains, her speed seems to fade away as she keeps climbing higher and higher and the same laps are getting done faster and faster.

She can't think of anything else but she can't focus on anything at all.
She can vaguely recall passing Mermista as she's passing her own teammate. The race is going to be over for her soon.

It feels like the race had started so long ago, but she can still feel her rough mattress on her back saying that that was a couple hours ago. Compared to then she's starting to sweat up a pool.

Everything feels out of their real proportions, The car ahead is one of the Prime teams, it's a sleek silver-ish white with a similar lime green.
They're a new team to racing but already dominating the board, they joined three years ago and were present in the top five with always a number two or higher.

She's currently going 346 to get past the second driver. The hairpin is in a bit, they've mostly been on the other side of the track whenever she was at the hairpin, odds are that they won't see her trick coming.

She was trying to catch up to the first driver, he's the last one too, if she passes him, she'll be in first place.
Adora drove further up the wall then all of the other times, both wheels on there, she'd need to add speed now and maintain it on her way back down in order not to crash.

She passed the Primes driver and wanted to cheer already, but she still needed to get off of the wall, she's currently on 343, she audibly squeaked when she read her speed.
She felt heat rushing through her.

She tried to remain calm but her arms felt like lead and despite of that her hands were shaking.
She got off the wall, slowly, one wheel first, then the other, if she hadn't gone off when she did it would have at least ripped her left tire off clean.
Instead she's currently heading for the finish, she's going faster and faster, Primes driver doing the same, he's currently catching up to her fast, he's faster then her, so she had to play it smart.

He tried to pass by left, she went left, he wanted to take the right, she's go right.
Just five more turns and a straight, just four, hold on, two more, he passed her on the last one, she sped up to her full potential after him, come on, come on!

The race was done, they both passed the finish, if she was first or him she didn't know, but the first actual race was over, just the final lap then they'd get the results.

She heard buzzing in her ear, oh right, her engineer!
She tried to tune back onto her, after some struggle she could start to make out some words.
"Impressive.. Awesome.. Engine.. So sure… overheat… proud.."
Adora wasn't sure what all of that meant, she couldn't piece any of it together.
She'd have to ask after the race, there's probably a problem with the communication feed anyways.

She was on the hairpin one final time, should she go up the wall again? To give the audience a show?
Sure, but only one wheel, there's no need for her to show off. Feeling the sweat beads on her face and making her suit from a race suit to a swim suit. It was not a pleasant feeling.

She got her first wheel up there, the rush of the race felt so good, just a little further and she'd be on about 30 degrees!
She climbed up a little more, almost two wheels, she could hear something in her ear, that scared her, she had to get off of the wall now or the time to get up further would cut the option of getting down.
So she got back off, she could hear the crowd's reactions, it felt so good, she just wanted to climb further and further forever, but that would do no good. So down she went, until both tires were back on the track.

She did the final bends and raced back to the finish.
There she stopped, she didn't even need a pitstop for all of the race.

She looked at the crowd around her, but something was off, they weren't cheering.
She looked around, had something happened? Her crew came out and looked terrified, they had the tools for the car.
After seeing how they were running she took a step back, she felt scared, because they were, but what were they scared of, she couldn't see a threat anywhere.
She tried to collect herself, they were still running towards her, going at full speed and yelling, what were they yelling?
She started to feel warmth, but not her, something behind her, she looked behind her and saw her car, it felt white hot.
Her eyes went wide with the realization of what everyone might have been trying to tell her, what would be the odds?
It felt like time slowed down, she needed to get away.
She ran towards her crew with tears in her eyes, when suddenly.
That heat was no longer a presence, but a wave that launched her with it's force.

 

So is this it then? Is this the end?
Not even getting to a single podium?
Why couldn't she even see this coming?
Everyone had been warning her, probably.
Now what?

 

Adora opened one eye, she could see people running towards her, she could hear a peep in her ear.
Oh, there's a sneering pain in her back, her neck, and on her right ear.
She's pretty sure that's when she started to cry and yell out in pain.
When the peep had subsided a little she could finally pick up on the crowds, some were yelling, others crying, parents were covering their children's eyes. From the look of horror they had, Adora's injuries must be as bad as they felt, if not worse.

She started to smell smoke, her team was backing away, why? Were they just gonna leave her here, though it hurt her neck like touching hot coals using a skinned knee, she moved her head, she needed to have a better view of her team.
They saw her move, and though it was getting harder for herself to see with all the smoke, they seemed to be waiting for something.

She felt an itch in her throat. It kept getting more and more annoying until it started stinging.
So she coughed, more and more, the smoke was making her eyes tear and her back and neck were starting to burn more and more, her ear she couldn't feel anymore.
The coughs wrecked her body, side to side.

She needed to get up, she needed to get to her team if they can't get to her.
Yes, if she gets up everything will be fine, it'll hurt a lot but it'll be worth it.
Just getting up, that will fix everything in time.
The car would be more accessible too.
Get up, that should be her number one priority.
So just get up, stand up.
She wanted to, really.
But she just couldn't do it.
No matter how hard she told her brain to.
This wasn't like getting out of bed, if she doesn't move soon she'll be dead, literally, not figuratively.
Please, just move, get out of the way, get to safety.
She doesn't even know if the car might explode a second time.
Get up, get up, get up!

Hands, that's what she felt lifting her up, people who were wearing masks to protect from the smoke put her on one of those carrier thingies, that hurt people get carried on until they're in the hospital.
She couldn't see who got her off of the floor, but when she was put in an ambulance she could guess.
She got something in her arm and felt more and more out of it then she already was with every second.
Soon enough she closed her eyes and dozed off.

 

Adora woke up to a beep, it was annoying and inconsistent.
When she opened her eyes she knew she wouldn't get to break it or turn it off, it was a heart monitor.
She looked around.

Catra.
She was sleeping soundly next to her, quiet for once because she's laying on her belly.
Catras hand was in her own and with the bags under her eyes she seemed to have needed this sleep.
She looked around for a clock, and found one above a door, it read 2:43. With the darkness outside she's gonna guess AM.

A remote laid next to her, but that would wake Catra up, she'd rather let her have this.
Though Adora did want to sit up. She wasn't all that tired right now anyways.
She tried to lift herself up with one arm, as the other is entangled in Catras and she doesn't want to change that.
It worked, partially.
Her back and neck hurt like hell now and even her legs and throat for some reason are flaring up a little, but she's sitting up.

She noticed her heart monitor go higher and higher, if that thing would go up too far it might wake up Catra, hell, it might call a nurse, she'd have to start answering questions, she'd have to own up to ignoring her engineer, she'd be kicked out of the team for sure, then she'd have no income, oh no, her 'mother' would not be happy with that, she'd probably put her right back in the hospital once she's out.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door being slammed open, a nurse was looking straight at her and calmed down at the sight.
Adora was flinching violently to the sudden interruption, this caused Catra to wake.
Oh no.

"Miss, you need to calm down, you're going to have a panic attack!" The nurse said, though Adora could hear the words, and understand what they each meant separately, she just couldn't grasp what this might mean.

"Adora, babe, you're okay, you're gonna be okay." Catra was mumbling assuring things and every word made the message clear, calm down, I'm worried.

Adora took deep breaths and tried to clear her mind, then she tried to see five things, hear four, touch three, smell two and taste one.
She could see Catra, the clock, the nurse, the door and the bed.
She could hear her heart beat, the heart monitor just a little behind on it, Catra and the nurse.
She could feel Catra, the bed and her back.
She could smell her sweat and the cleaning supplies.
And she could taste her saliva mixed with something metallic.
The heart monitor was calming down and the nurse gave Adora a glass of water, she didn't think that's what she'd be happiest to see.

 

Her recovery was slow, slower then normal for a person her age.
The burns that had apparently hit her back, neck, right ear and a little bit of her legs were stubborn in their leave.
The skid marks on her face and hands were also going at a snails pace, leaving scars in more places then it should have.
But after a few months she could start training again, though she had to be careful and take it slow.

But that's just what happened to Adora, that's not where the action went down after the crash.
Well, crash, more like explosion.

People had been noticing the uptake in Adora's dreaming, forgetting and emotions.
At first people were writing it off, but at some point, when Adora was missing a meeting and had her roommate, Glimmer, fill in for her.
Someone mentioned to her, as a joke, that Adora was clumsy.
Glimmer, lost in her own thoughts just moments before, took it seriously and said that she felt the same, she started sharing all of the moments when she'd hear Adora up way too late, or when she'd skip meals because she wouldn't get out of her room any earlier.

Or how she seemed to take ages to respond to her name, or how she was late with showing emotional reactions.
How she started to put off homework more and more just because she felt like it was too hard.
How she seemed to jump whenever her mom was mentioned, or how she kept all letters of her pinned on a board.
How she'd look at her meals as if she was trying to figure out how to drive it.
All these little things, and the team also started to throw things in.
She wouldn't remember someone's name after hearing it dozens of times.
Someone saw her locker open, after she left without closing it, they looked at it before closing and saw a drawer filled with energy bars that the team gave her before every match.
How she seemed to ignore her engineer more and more, or how she'd stopped talking as much as she used to.
She'd push her limits further and further, with her heartbeat usually unusually low or high. People wrote it off as it being her mojo, staying or appearing calm under such an ocean of pressure.

But now, after she got put in the hospital, after that race.
They knew.
She was calm alright, but most likely because she couldn't stress anymore, she looked numb, uncaring, like she was just a hollow shell walking around doing the routine they had before they passed.
Her grades hadn't dropped all that much, but after Glimmer looked over her uncompleted homework, that wasn't going to be far away at the pace.
When she got to the hospital the first person to visit was Catra and later in the day Glimmer, Catra had been given a hiatus from school to be there when Adora would wake up, but only until the end of the year and she'd have to make up for it over the summer.
She had agreed to those terms.

Her mom had visited about three days after the accident.
Catra was in the bathroom when she heard the door slam open, looking through the keyhole she saw it all.
As soon as she saw the woman's face she took out her phone and started recording.

Unfortunately, some of the following words were changed due to their nature.

She looked at Adora's sleeping face, and looked as if seething with rage.
Catra already felt like this woman was a threat, whomever she may be.
It's still better to observe, see if she says anything Catra can record and use.
She was right in more ways then one.

"You, you useless, impudent child! You're lucky that the school is paying for your medical bills!
Or I would've visited two days ago!" The woman looked at Adora as if it were her biggest enemy yet, that killed her lover and ripped apart her life.
"I should've left you in the cold to die to your injuries when you were little!" She snarled at her.

Catra watched on her phone through the key hole in the door, looking at the older woman walk over to the heart monitor, attaching a device to it, Catra zoomed in on it.
She was trying to figure out what it was, she was reading the letters on the side when she heard the two woman struggle, she zoomed out and was terrified.
Adora was being strangled by her mother figure.
Her heart monitor didn't seem to change though, guess that answers that.
She unlocked the door and ran over to the elder woman before she could react.
Knocking her off Adora was good, she could see Adora calm down a bit immediately.

She called for a nurse and put herself in between Adora and her mother.
Soon enough after a nurse came running in and saw the showdown.
Catra told her to call the cops in order to arrest the other woman, who in turn yelled for her to take Catra away.
The confused nurse called the cops and had them both arrested and taken to the station.

Catra felt uneasy about being here, she was missing Adora and missing a meeting that Glimmer was attending now instead.
They spoke to Adora's mom first and then came in asking Catra what she thought went down, she corrected him by saying she knew, and didn't need to think for it.
He told her off for disrespecting an officer and she knew where this was going.
So she asked him what he'd been told, he said that Adora's mother had walked in on Catra putting a device on the heart rate monitor and then chocking Adora, seeing as they found such a device on the machine they believed her.

Catra said that her DNA was not on it and that Weaver had put it there herself.
She got told off for lying to a police officer for trying to turn the story.
She told him she got proof, and showed him the video.
His tone shifted a lot by the end of it.

He thanked her for her time and asked to hand over her phone and to wait in the waiting room until they had the footage.
She did and was on her way after about 15 minutes of waiting.
Soon enough after that Weaver was set on trail that was planned three months away.

 

I might continue this story someday, but it'd be a while away.
The concept of it all I like a lot, a depressed adrenaline junkie gets to drive a really fast car.
So slowly she goes faster and faster but also gets more and more numb.
With little outbursts of emotion here and there.
At the start I had her coming home to a dirty house due to Glimmer but she had cleaned up the day before.
She felt like crying the whole time through, meanwhile before and after she's numb.

I tried to make it as obvious as possible but it's hard to see depression even if you're looking for it.
I hope everyone got that from the story, and not this.

The whole point of making this was to see if I could portray Depression in a character realistically.
I think it went well.

Notes:

I'm sorry, I really am.
I have more of this, but I figured that the background isn't that nessicairy.
Would you like for me to continue?
I wanted to explore more of the downright abuse that Weaver caused Adora and how our dense little lesbian wouldn't know any better until Glimmer and Co showed her true friendship.

I also wanted to make it into a small Highschool AU where Catra is crushing hard for the dork Adora and Adora likes Catra, but she needs to keep her head in the game.
Don't know how that would end yet though.