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Dick the Halls

Summary:

Several drinks later, Off and Gun find themselves inside a closet making out.

Notes:

WOW so here it is, the offgun smut fic i pledged at the beginning of december if they were to get a new series next year. and they did! that's one thing right, gmm, bless. anyway, enjoy this unbetad mess of filth. merry crisis, babiis!

Work Text:

"Can you hand me a drink?"

Off whispered against Gun's ear, one hand pointed toward the cooler by the other end of the couch. It was pretty loud, with Tay and New out-singing each other in the background. Gun almost couldn't hear Off, however, his gesture made it easier for him to understand. He pursed his lips and stared at Off with furrowed brows.

"Papii, won't you get a rash from this?"

Off flashed him a cheeky grin. "Oho, just one beer won't hurt, Gun. Don't worry." Then he reached up to gently pat the top of his head. Gun could feel himself smile before nodding.

“Alright, Papii. But just one.”

Gun got up and got a bottle for Off, uncapping as well before returning to sit by his side. When he handed the bottle over, Off smiled at him.

“Thanks, Gun. Cheers!” Off tipped the bottle in his direction before drinking. His other hand went around Gun’s shoulder. Gun smiled at him again, dimples popping out before settling closer, leaning lazily against his chest. Gun turned his attention back to their friends, Tay and New’s voices rising against each other in volume as they argued over who won the last match. Finally having enough of their shit, Arm yelled and stopped them.

“Right! Okay, enough of that. Let’s play a game.”

“What game?” Off asked from beside him. Everyone turned to look at Off, and then at him. He blinked at them before subtly snuggling closer to the man beside him.

Arm stared at the two of them before his stare became mischievous. Gun felt a shiver run down his spine as he looked back at his friend. Without thinking, he moved his arm back to slip his hand up Off’s shirt for comfort. Immediately, he felt himself calm down.

Arm caught the movement and smiled even wider. “Let’s play never have I ever.”

“Boo,” Tawan yelled from behind him. “What are we, children?”

“Are you scared? COWARD!” New taunted him, going so far as shoving him playfully. Tay clicked his tongue and shoved him back. Arm shook his head before pointing at Gun and Off.

“The two of you, come. We’re still playing.”

His body heavily protested because he was already comfortable. But Off gently nudged him with his shoulder. With a groan, Gun moved off and stood up. He walked over to Arm and grabbed a glass of wine.

“Fine, it’s not like we have any other better ideas anyway.”

“Nice! You two, are you in or not?”

Off followed behind him, sitting next to Arm and cheekily leaning over the small table. “I’m confident I’ll win this.” He wiggled his brows, making Tay scoff. He shoved New away before sitting next to Gun.

“I call bullshit!”

“Shut up, Peng.”

New sat next to Off and rubbed his hands together. “Why don’t we make this more interesting? The ones who drank the most also have to stay in the closet together for seven minutes.”

Alice walked in just in time to hear New speak and immediately began running over to them. “Oh, are we playing seven minutes in heaven? Count me in!”

Tay leaned over to whisper in Gun’s ear. “You wanna bet she just wants to makeout with Arm?”

“P’Tay!” Gun laughed, smacking his arm. When Gun looked up, he met with Off’s curious gaze. He flashed him a smile and raised an eyebrow. Off stared at him silently before shaking his head and looking away.

“Alice! It’s good you’re here. It’s seven minutes in heaven mixed with never have I ever.” Arm explained while he poured her a glass of wine.

Alice chuckled and took the glass. “You just want to get everybody drunk so you can take our pictures for blackmail again.”

Arm held his hands up in surrender. “Hey, it’s not my fault you’re all lightweights.” Tay reached over to smack him. The table erupted in laughter before Off intervened and calmed everybody down.

“Alright, alright! Let’s just play before all of you get too drunk to answer truthfully.”

Tay poured himself a shot of vodka. “Au contraire, my friend. I’m more honest when drunk.”

“I can contest,” New mumbled beside him.

Arm then raised his glass of whiskey and playfully wiggled it in his grip. “I’ll start. Never have I ever… kissed in public.”

“Man...fuck you.” Both Off and Gun take a shot. All of their friends cheered them on loudly.

The night went on like that until it was just down to two cups. Somehow, Gun ended up on Off’s lap with the latter’s arms loosely wrapped around his waist. They kept taking shot after shot, with Gun taking most of Off’s shots since he was allergic. As usual, their friends kept teasing them but it was nothing out of the ordinary. The room spun so Gun closed his eyes and held on to Off’s wrist resting against his stomach. He isn’t too sure, but he thought he felt Off press a soft kiss on his nape. Or maybe that was just the alcohol talking.

“Whoever gets the last two drinks has to stay in the closet for seven minutes,” Arm declared, already a little drunk himself. “Ready?” Gun opened his eyes and steeled himself.

“Ready!”

“Never have I ever...gotten hard after a scene.” Arm smirked and looked straight at Gun like he knew he would be drinking.

“BOO, I wanted to get drunk too! You think I get hard, huh?” Alice exclaimed, smacking Arm lightly. He grinned and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. He leaned over to whisper into her ear but Gun couldn’t make out what he was trying to say. Shrugging, Gun sat up and reached for the cup. To his surprise, Off was reaching for the other one too. He turned to him with furrowed brows.

“Papii? Put it back down, I’ll drink it for you.”

Off looked down at him and smirked, shaking his head. “You’ve drank enough. I can manage, Gun.”

“Chug, chug, chug!”

“Wait, wait! Guys, do a love shot!” Tay exclaimed. Arm and Alice already had their phones out while New tapped the table loudly.

“Shit, that’s the last from you guys tonight!” Off yelled from behind him which made him laugh. Gun chuckled and turned around in his lap. He felt a little dizzy so he scooted closer, his free hand on Off’s chest as the drink sloshed dangerously in his other hand. “Let’s just do it, Papii.”

Off turned to look at him and stared, his gaze going from his eyes to his lips. Gun wet them unconsciously before he tapped Off’s chest again. “Papii,” he whined until Off nodded and lifted his cup as well. Then his other hand tightened around his waist before moving to twine their arms together. Gun accidentally spilled a little on Off’s collar which made him chuckle. “Oops, Papii. Sorry!”

Without thinking, Gun leaned down to slowly lick over the wet spot on Off’s shirt. Off’s hand squeezed against his hip and tugged him closer.

“Oi, oi! Can’t even wait for the punishment?” New hollered as cameras went off in the background.

“Do you even need the closet?” Arm asked with a chuckle.

“Mm,” Gun hummed, tasting wine and cherry on Off. Deciding he liked the taste, he followed the spill from the spot up to his collarbone. Immediately, Off’s hand slid up to the back of his head and tugged his hair back. He was met with Off’s dark gaze. Gun swallowed and sat up. The delicious pressure on his hair disappeared as Off’s warm hand slid back down his back and stopped at his waist.

“One...two...three!” They drank each other’s cups with their faces inches from each other. Gun couldn’t take how intensely Off was staring at him while his Adam’s apple bobbed from gulping down the liquor. Gun looked away and finished his drink with his eyes closed.

He gasped loudly and threw the cup down after he was done. Off did the same and their friends continued to tease them after. Suddenly, he felt himself being lifted up off of Off’s lap.

“Okay, time for seven minutes in the closet, love birds. Let’s go!”

Arm was playfully pushing him towards the closet while New and Tay took turns shoving Off. They were laughing until Gun felt the soft fabric of Off’s clothes against his face. He chuckled and closed his eyes as he rested, waiting for Off to enter the closet.

Gun was on the verge of falling asleep when he felt arms around his waist and warmth against his back. The scent of baby powder and mint wafted through his nostrils. He smiled and leaned back, hands resting over the familiar pair around his waist. “Mm, Papii?”

“Gun,” Off murmured, leaning down to nuzzle against his neck.

His face was already warm from the buzz he had, but he felt himself blush even more when he felt Off’s lips brush the side of his neck. “H-has the seven minutes started yet?”

“Mmhm.” Off hummed against his neck. He felt him smile which made him chuckle as well. “I can’t believe our friends are really making us stay here for seven minutes.”

“I’m glad, actually. I wanted to have you all to myself this entire evening.”

Gun’s eyes flew wide open and felt himself sobering up. “Papii?” He turned around and tried to look at Off in the darkness of his closet.

“Shh. Just...feel it.” Then the warmth of Off’s breath fanned against his cheek, closer and closer until he could feel the firmness of his lips brushing against his. It’s...been a while since they’ve kissed. Way too long since he forgot how good it felt having Off’s lips pressed against his. It started off slow and innocent, with small pecks here and there and their smiles getting in the way of a proper kiss. But then it quickly got heated, and suddenly Off’s hands were everywhere. Down his back, inside his shirt, over his chest and then he’s being pressed against a pile of clothing as the soul is kissed out of him.

Off was warm and solid against him as they kissed, and kissed, and kissed. He pried his mouth open with ease, their years of acting together making it easy to get around each other’s tells. Off could get him worked up faster than anyone he has ever been with. It was always just so easy with him.

“Mmmhm,” he couldn’t stop his moans as Off slid a hand inside of his boxers. He was already hard and leaking. Way too fucking long.

His heart was beating in his ears as their lips parted, hands in each other’s pants as Off pressed him firmly against the wall of the closet. Some of the clothes toppled over the floor but neither of them minded. Off was panting against his ears and throbbing in his hand. It was too good, way too good.

“P-papii…”

“Shh, Gun. We only have seven minutes.” And then his lips was on him again. He sucked on his tongue as Off sped up his hand around him. When the pleasure got too good, he threw his head back and tried to control his moans. He closed his eyes as he felt Off stiffen in his hand, squeezing and rubbing as he felt him drip. He was delirious with pleasure-he felt drunk with power, knowing he could get Off like this. He was the reason this gorgeous man was kissing and panting against his skin, dripping and fucking into his hand like there was nothing else he would do.

Gun turned his head and found his lips again, sucking on his lower lip harshly as his hand sped up. Off tightened his grip around him too and together, they jacked each other off until they spilled in each other’s hands. The moment Off came, he bit down on his lower lip until they tasted iron.

They pulled away with a lewd pop, breathing in each other’s spaces as Off rested his forehead against his.

“Wow.”

Gun laughed shyly, slowly taking his hand out of Off’s pants and leaning down to lick his spill off his palm. He then grabbed him by the collar and kissed the edge of his mouth.

“Round two?”

Suddenly, bright light filled the room as the closet opened behind them.

“Oi, what the fuck!”