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“Good shopping trip?” Jack asked, as three pairs of weary female legs hit the deck. Sam, Vala and Kelly, Mark’s wife, all looked at each other before nodding in unison.
“Very successful!” Vala exclaimed, just as Daniel emerged from inside the house. He glanced at the three grins on the women’s faces before shaking his head and passing out the beers to each man in turn.
“Starting early, I see?” Sam commented wryly, knowing it was only mid afternoon.
Jack merely grinned, before changing the subject. “Did you buy anything nice?”
“Oh, yes-” Vala made a grab for Sam’s bag.
“Vala!” Sam cut her off and pulled the bag behind her back.
“Something you don’t want us to see?” Daniel asked, one eyebrow rising above his glasses.
“You’ve nothing to be ashamed off, Samantha,” Vala added.
“No, it’s not that,” Sam said defensively. She tightened her hold on her bag, her eyes flicking to Jack’s subconsciously. “I just don’t think that any of you would want to see it, that’s all...”
“Why, what’s wrong with it?” Daniel asked.
“Absolutely nothing!” Vala replied for her.
“Vala!” Sam said through gritted teeth.
She glanced at Jack again, the slight tilt in her head and the look in her eyes telling him she wanted him to intervene. He glanced back confused for a moment, before noticing the familiar colour of the bag. He was sure she’d shopped there sometime before. In fact... It suddenly clicked. It was a lingerie bag. But just as he opened his mouth to speak, Vala made a launch attack on the bag again and Daniel beat him to it.
“Well if there’s nothing wrong-”
“Er, Daniel...”
“Jack...”
“If Sam doesn’t want to show it to you, she doesn’t have to...” He waved a bottle around in the air for added affect.
“You know what it is, don’t you?”
Jack shrugged. “What if I do? Seriously, you don’t want to see it.”
“Trust me Daniel, you don’t.” Sam agreed.
“Well I for one don’t think there’s anything wrong with-”
“I think we all have an idea of what you think,” Jack supplied, cutting Vala off mid stride. A few mouths dropped open as Vala feigned hurt. Sam merely raised her eyebrow at him. “What?!” Jack cried. “You think I want them knowing what’s in there anymore than you do?”
“So you do know what’s in there...” Daniel tilted his head at him. The point was further accentuated by Teal’c’s rising eyebrow and Cam’s military ‘I’m expecting an answer’ face.
“So it’s something that women can see, but men can’t?” Mark speculated. Everyone’s questioning gaze turned to him. “I’m going for deductive reasoning,” He shrugged.
“Is it some sort of gadget?” Cam asked.
“And you thought there was something wrong with my line of thinking...” Vala practically purred at both Sam and Jack with a smug grin on her face. The two merely rolled their eyes in unison while the men exchanged worried glances.
“Wait a minute-”
“Seriously, Cam,” Sam said, “You of all people, do not want to go there.”
Daniel sat up in his seat. “But it’s obviously something embarrassing or you wouldn’t mind us seeing it.” He watched as Sam shrugged. “And why Cam in particular?”
“Not Cam in particular,” Sam stated. “All of you. And as I said, I don’t have a problem with you seeing it, I just know you guys don’t want to...”
“Haven’t we just stated that we do?” Cam asked.
“Well if you’re sure?” Sam bit her lip.
“I believe it has been stated many times, Colonel Carter,” Teal’c added. He pressed his fingertips together, making a steeple with his hands as he tilted his head at her. For a brief moment, Sam wondered exactly whose reaction he was eager to see.
“So we’re absolutely clear?” She asked again. “You all agree you want to see?”
A series of nods bobbed around the table and Sam spared a nervous glance at Jack. The man covered up his smirk by lifting a bottle to his lips. “Hey, I can handle it if they can,” He said.
Vala took full advantage of Sam’s deflated state and made another grab for the bag. “There you go, darling...” She wandered over to Daniel and held it out like some sort of prize.
Sparing a glance at his fellow men, Daniel accepted the bag and pried the handles apart, his hand delving inside. He wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting when his hand grasped something soft, almost silky in texture. He pulled his hand out, his curiosity piqued even more.
Holding up the two stringy garments, a series of jaws dropped around the table, while Sam tried to hide her laughter. Daniel practically threw the garment back into the bag in disgust.
“A gold bikini?” Cam groaned.
The women, plus Jack, all grinned at the horrified looks on the men’s faces.
“Daniel, I officially hate you!” Cam exclaimed.
“I did warn you,” Sam said as Daniel continued to glare at everyone in equal measure.
“Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c said, “It appears as though you have witnessed an apparition.”
“Seen a ghost,” Sam supplied, seeing the odd look on her brother’s face as he glanced between the two.
“Ah, he’s okay, Teal’c,” Jack wandered over and placed a hand on Daniels’ shoulder. “Just lost another life, that’s all.”
“Very funny,” Daniel said, turning between the friends.
“Daniel here has the habit of dying on us every once in a while,” Jack added for the benefit of those present who didn’t know him.
“I don’t,” Daniel claimed, turning to Mark to defend himself.
“How many times are we up to now?” Jack asked no one in particular.
“Eight.” Teal’c supplied succinctly.
“Plus one, makes nine...” Jack said. “Shouldn’t you be dead dead by now Danny boy?”
“I believe General Hammond once referred to you as a cat with nine lives,” Teal’c added. His lips curved in amusement at his own words.
Daniel sighed and shook his head. “That is so not true.... I have not ‘died’ eight times...”
“You know, on base,” Sam stated, slipping onto a seat near the guys with a slight leer in her voice. “Daniel earned himself the nickname ‘Kenny’....”
Mark immediately started laughing.
“What?!” Daniel cried.
“I still do not understand this reasoning,” Teal’c added.
“Why didn’t I hear about this?!” Daniel cried again.
“Oh c’mon,” Sam replied. “You didn’t realise when Jack started doing his Cartman impression, all the time?”
“Respect my authoritah!” Jack mimicked, as if on cue.
Sharing a brief look, Cam and Mark immediately burst out with “Oh my God! You killed Kenny!” and promptly started laughing.
Daniel merely groaned and put his head in his hands.
“It’s South Park, Teal’c,” Cam said, whacking the other guy gently on the arm. “It’s a cartoon,” He added, ignoring the look on Teal’c’s face as he glanced from his arm to the man at his side.
“I much prefer The Simpsons,” He stated.
“Ah, T, a man after my own heart!” Jack cried with glee.
“I have never attempted to remove your heart, O’Neill...”
“That’s not what-” Jack sighed, cutting himself off and sitting down next to Sam. “Help me out here...” He added to the woman beside him.
“It’s a figure of speech, Teal’c,” She heard Cam say, before she could even formulate a response. She looked at Jack, then back at the other two men, now deep in conversation about human anatomy.
“Talking of anatomy...” Jack leaned in close and whispered in Sam’s ear. “Are you going to model that for me later?” His eyes flicked between her and the bag at her feet.
“That depends...” Sam drawled.
“On what?”
“Are you going to model that waistcoat for me?”
“Ooh Samantha...” Jack leaned in and kissed her. They managed to ignore the rest of the crowd until a load groan coming from their left interrupted them.
“I hate Star Wars...” Daniel moaned. Teal’c merely glared at him. “That’s right!” Daniel waved his hand at him. “I blame you for this!” His hand gestured at the couple now sitting with their arms around each other.
“I had no hand in this matter, Daniel Jackson.”
“We only started up movie nights because of you,” Daniel added.
Teal’c turned to glance at the man. “Had you not ‘died’ so frequently, maybe you would have been present to prevent such an event occurring...”
Jack started laughing. “Was that a joke, T?”
The lips curved up upon the Jaffa’s face. “Indeed.”