Chapter Text
When Gai is twelve, he starts to notice things. More specifically, he starts to notice what girls say about Kakashi.
“He’s so cool and cute!”
“Ah, I wish I could be friends with him!”
“That’s child’s play! I wish I could be his girlfriend!”
All the girls squeal.
And the things they say about him.
“He’s so weird and ugly!”
“Who would want to be friends with him?”
“No one is going to want to be his girlfriend.”
All the girls grimace.
He’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt but he’s gotten pretty good at hiding his anger and his pain. Instead, he smiles and throws out a thumbs up for good measure, thanking them for their encouragement just like his dad would. They all scowl and run away but Gai doesn’t let it bother him.
He doesn’t want a girlfriend anyway. Gai thinks even though that very thought makes his chest clench uncomfortably. He doesn’t.
He doesn’t care that it’s the normal evolution of life for a man to end up with a woman. He can stay single for the rest of his life and be perfectly happy. He knows he can! He’s been happy being alone, with just his rival for company, up until now.
It’s fine.
It is.
It has to be.
Gai kicks a stone as he walks down the path, hands shoved into his pockets. It’s autumn, Gai’s favorite time of year where the weather is just starting to turn cold but not unpleasantly and the leaves are changing and falling from the trees. He likes to take picnics, either by himself or with his dad when he’s not working a mission in the village, lying under a tree, and watching the leaves float to the ground. It’s a really beautiful time of year.
Gai hears a group of girls giggle and when he looks up, he notices that Kakashi is among them. He looks bored, a little panicky if one knew how to read his microexpressions even with the mask snug on his face, and looking as if he wants to be anywhere but there. Gai smiles. Perfect!
He runs up to the group, calling, “Kakashi!”
They all turn to him, the girls groan, and one even says, “Ugh, why is Kakashi-kun even friends with that weirdo?”
Gai ignores them and jumps into the middle of the group. “I issue you a challenge!” Kakashi sighs but Gai ignores that too. “The first one to catch the most fish in the river with their bare hands wins!”
Kakashi sighs again, shuts the book he had been dutifully reading in order to ignore the flock around him, and starts walking in the direction of the river. “Fine.”
Gai watches him, a little taken aback by just how easy that had been. Then again, Kakashi did act as if he wanted to be away from those girls. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he jogs up to Kakashi to catch up. Both of them ignore the girls whining and calling for Kakashi to come back.
To not go off with Gai, the weirdo.
It doesn’t take them long to get to the river since it had only just been down the path. The challenge goes as well as expected from anyone but Gai, with Kakashi catching four fish while Gai caught one. Still, Gai promises Kakashi to do better next time, that he will now do three hundred — no four hundred — push ups. As Gai is doing his push ups, Kakashi sits down and starts reading his book again.
Gai watches him, getting distracted. He really is handsome and cool and cute and… Gai’s cheeks flame red and he’s glad the exercise is already flushing his face so Kakashi can’t tell… hopefully. Gai looks away from his rival. Anyone would be lucky to be his girlfriend.
Sagging, Gai stops. He pulls his knees forward until he’s sitting on his shins. “What’s it like?” he asks quietly, so quiet he’s almost afraid Kakashi doesn’t hear him at first.
“Hmm?” Kakashi eyes him from the corner of his eyes.
“Having so many people like you?”
Kakashi turns to him then, studying. After a long pause, he finally speaks. “You shouldn’t let what they say about you get to you.”
Gai’s entire face lights red at having been so easily caught out. “I-I’m not!”
Kakashi shrugs, turning back around to his book. “I don’t really care about it.”
“What?”
“The girls. I don’t care.”
“But you could have so many friends,” Gai insists.
Kakashi sighs and stands, closing his book once more. “I don’t care. I want to be left alone.”
He starts to walk away but Gai calls after him. “Then why are you my friend?”
Kakashi stops, turns. “We aren’t friends.” That hurts. “We’re rivals as you keep reminding me.” Kakashi rolls his eyes. “And you didn’t give me much of a choice.” He says it with so much disdain laced in his voice that Gai’s chest clenches hard and he has to swallow against the urge to cry. Kakashi rolls his eyes again, probably being able to tell how upset Gai has gotten, and turns back to walk away.
Gai watches him go, his figure getting more and more blurry as tears fill his eyes. Before they can fall, however, he wipes them away angrily and goes back to doing his push ups even though he really doesn’t feel like doing them anymore.
Kakashi is wrong.
True, they are rivals like he said.
But they most definitely are friends, too.
*~~~*
“Why don’t you care to have friends?” Gai asks one day as he and Kakashi walk through the village.
Kakashi shrugs. “I just don’t. Why does it matter?”
Because you don’t know what it feels like to have no one like you . Gai smiles. “Because I’m your friend!”
Kakashi sighs. “Gai, we’ve been over this-”
“Then why are we hanging out as we speak?”
“Because you won’t go away…”
“Ha! That’s because I’m your friend!” Gai beams at him until Kakashi shoves the back of his book into Gai’s face to push him away. Still, there had been a microexpression of a smile on Kakashi’s face, Gai is sure, so he decides to count this as a win anyway.
“Kakashi-kun!” A girl, Tamiko-chan, calls as she runs up to them. She glares at Gai as she stops in front of them, grabbing a hold of Kakashi’s hand and tugging, dragging him away. “My friends and I want you to come see something.”
“W-Wait!” Gai goes after them. “Kakashi and I were hanging out.”
If glares could kill, Gai would be dead ten times over by the one Tamiko-chan gives him. “He doesn’t even like you. Just go away.”
Gai swallows and keeps following. “That’s not true!”
“Gai, just leave it alone,” Kakashi mumbles and Gai isn’t sure if he says that for Gai’s sake — so Gai doesn’t have to endure any more insults — or if Kakashi is doing it for his own sake — so he doesn’t have to deal with Gai anymore.
The intensity of the anger and jealousy Gai feels in the pit of his stomach that rises rapidly into his throat is unexpected. “No!” He speeds up so he can get in front of the two, blocking their way. “They can’t just take you away from me-”
“He’s not yours. ”
“-when we were in the middle of doing something!” Gai complains.
“We weren’t really doing anything,” Kakashi mumbles.
Gai places balled up fists on his hips. “Walking through the village is doing something.”
“Gai!” Kakashi’s eyes narrow, his voice turning deadly. “Just back off.”
“But-”
“Go away,” Tamiko-chan tells him angrily and continues pulling Kakashi away, stepping around Gai.
Kakashi doesn’t even glance back at him.
And despite being embarrassed by the tears rolling down his cheeks — damn him for always being so emotional — he still wishes Kakashi would look back. Because that would mean Kakashi didn’t mean what he said. Because that would mean Kakashi actually did like him. Because Gai likes Kakashi.
Because Gai likes him a lot.
He…
Gai throws a hand up to cover his mouth before a sob can escape. He realizes he’s hurt and angry but most of all, he’s completely and utterly jealous. He wants Kakashi to like him as much as Gai likes him. He wants Kakashi to look at him the way he looks at Kakashi. He wants Kakashi to devote himself to Gai like Gai devotes himself to Kakashi.
He wants Kakashi’s attention.
Like Kakashi gives those girls attention.
He wants…
His face is red from both crying and from the thoughts running through his mind. It’s not normal to think those things about another boy, Gai knows this but he can’t help it. Kakashi is just… a beautiful person, inside and out.
Choking on what seems like his own throat, Gai turns around and starts running. He’s not sure where to but his feet carry him to the training grounds. Ebisu and Genma along with Chōza-sensei are still there from earlier. Gai had left before them, announcing that he had a challenge to do with Kakashi. Now, they look at his flushed, blotchy, tear-stained face in worry.
“Gai, what’s wrong?” Chōza-sensei asks, walking up to him, brows furrowing in worry. Gai appreciates it.
He wipes the tears and snot off his face and gives them a wide smile and thumbs up. “It’s nothing, Sensei! I’m just here to train more!” Ebisu and Genma exchange glances while Chōza-sensei looks unconvinced but doesn’t push him.
Gai starts training.
*~~~*
That night, Gai sits at the table watching his father cook, his back to Gai. He’s wearing the green spandex jumpsuit just like Gai is and Gai looks at it with hatred. He wonders if he could convince his dad to buy him a set of regular, normal clothes. Maybe people — more specifically Kakashi — will start to like him more then.
Gai crosses his arms on the table and buries his face in the crook of them, ashamed at his own thoughts. He should be proud of the jumpsuit, not embarrassed by it… and in no circumstance should he be thinking of Kakashi liking him like that. Gai sighs.
“Something bothering you, Son?” Dai asks, setting the plates filled with curry down on the table.
Gai peaks up from his hiding place, dragging his eyes over his father’s figure. “Did Mom love you?”
Dai flinches back a little as he sits down in the chair opposite Gai, obviously not having expected such a question. “Why are you asking?”
Gai sits up. “Well, did she?”
“Of course, she did.”
“Did she think you were cute?”
“Gai…”
“Did she?”
“Yes,” his father answers simply.
Gai can already feel the tears pooling traitorously in his eyes. “You’re lying,” he mumbles.
“Gai, if your mother didn’t think I was attractive, you wouldn’t be here.” There’s a prominent frown plastered on his father’s face. “Gai, has someone said something to you?”
Gai wipes at his eyes furiously with his sleeve. “No,” he denies, refusing to burden his father with his own problems.
“Then where is this coming from?” Dai asks him. He reaches over the table and grabs a hold of Gai’s hand that isn’t currently wiping tears away. “Do you like someone?”
Gai’s face turns red and he pulls his hand away from his dad’s to hide behind it along with his other hand. “No.”
He can hear the amusement in his father’s voice when he next talks. “Ah, beautiful young youth and their precious crushes! Tell me, Gai, who is the lucky lady?”
Gai sags in his seat, lowering his hands even though he can feel his face is still on fire. “There’s no one, Dad.”
“Fine, keep it a secret from your dear old dad for now!” Dai takes a big bite of his curry, still smiling until it finally falls and he stares at Gai sadly. “Gai… don’t listen to what others say about you,” he says gently.
Gai swings his leg, scuffing the floor, and avoids eye contact with his father. His dad of all people should know it’s not that simple. “How did mom fall in love with you?”
“Hmm…” Dai thinks, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “I guess it just happened. We were put on the same team and she would always encourage me to get better. Even when she made Chunin and then Jounin, she still hung out with me, giving me pointers on how to improve, and telling me someday I’ll make it too.”
“But you didn’t,” Gai grumbles.
Dai shakes his head. “That doesn’t matter. What matters is she always believed in me and I in her. She didn’t care that I never made it past Genin. She loved me the way I was.”
“But why?”
Dai laughs. “I’m not a mind reader, Gai. I have no idea why. Maybe because being on the same team let her get to know me better. Maybe she fell in love with my wonderful, magnetic personality before she found me attractive. Who knows!” Dai smiles at his son, bright and genuine. “If you make someone fall in love with your personality, Gai, then even the things other people find ugly about you will seem cute to her.” He gives a loud, short laugh before he shrugs and continues nonchalantly. “Either way, we loved each other and I would have protected her with my life as I know she would have done the same for me.”
Gai looks down at the table. “Then why didn’t you?” Neither of them has to clarify that Gai means when his mother died during a mission.
Dai frowns and reaches over to grab one of Gai’s hands again. He cradles it gently, rubbing calloused fingers over Gai’s knuckles. “Because I had someone more important than your mother to protect… you.”
Gai looks up into his father’s eyes and sees so much love shining back that it makes his chest clench with warmth. He lunges across the table and wraps his arms around his father’s neck, the both of them sobbing into each other’s shoulders. “Thank you, Dad!”
Gai takes it back, the jumpsuits are awesome.
*~~~*
Later that night, Gai is in his room trying to go to sleep when he hears someone shuffling around in his window. He jumps out of bed, whipping the light on, and ready to fight before he sees who exactly it is. When he does, he relaxes.
“Hey,” Kakashi jumps down from the windowsill onto the floor.
Gai looks at him suspiciously. “What are you doing here?”
Instead of answering, Kakashi shoots a question back. “Are you okay?”
Gai shifts from one foot to the other. He doesn’t know what Kakashi’s motive is but he can’t see nor sense any malicious intent so he answers. “I’m fine.” He goes and crawls back onto his bed, sitting cross-legged.
“Good.” Kakashi shoves his hands into his pockets awkwardly, looking anywhere but at Gai. “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tomorrow?” He shrugs and continues before Gai can say anything — not that Gai thinks he would have been able to say anything in his shock anyway. “We can go somewhere we won’t get bothered this time.”
Kakashi sounds bored and disinterested but the microexpression of a smile is back on his face and it lights everything up inside Gai. He’s jumping out of the bed and squeezing Kakashi in a tight hug before he even has a chance to think about it.
“Thank you, Kakashi!”