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He was perfectly on time to pick her up, and she wondered vaguely how he did it. It was consistent. She could be walking out of something fifteen minutes late and he would just be driving up, or five minutes early and just parking the car in a space miraculously close to the building. She was late today, but there he was, trying not to lean on the car to avoid dents or scraping the new blue paint job. He looked like a stupid teenager with a new car, really. He would probably stutter like one when she walked up to him, too. Aradia walked up to him- mechanical. Equius looked her up and down as she approached and she saw him frown for a fraction of a second, before he forced himself back into neutral politeness.
“Hello, Aradia.” he said, “I trust your appointment went well?”
She looked up at him and went around to the passenger side of the vehicle.
“Let’s go back.”
“Of course.”
His face let up again, just for another fraction of a second before he got in. She knew he was watching the way she stared out the window. Maybe he thought it was listless- she thought it was lifeless. Hopeless might be more accurate for the future. The future that lay glaring and uncertain in front of her. Equius spoke and interrupted her thoughts.
“You don’t look well, Aradia. Is there something wrong?”
“No.”
She stared out the window as Equius tried to tell her about his day. Something about progress with Tavros’ situation. They would be able to proceed soon. Somewhere in the back of her head she knew that was good, but she stayed trapped inside her own thoughts until they stopped at the gated underground parking to let themselves in. New trees lined the sidewalk to either side of them and she was vaguely aware of the glitter of the ocean in the rear view mirror, but that was far away. The gate made a grating sound that was somehow fitting. Equius opening the door on her side of the car made her blink halfway back into reality.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t believe you.” He said as she stepped out of the car.
“What?”
“I don’t believe that you are well.”
“Oh. Sorry. I just need to talk to Nepeta for a while... then I’ll be fine, okay?”
“Okay.”
He frowned again, but closed the car door and the subject for now. It would have been impolite to keep stressing her over it, probably. They rode the elevator in silence. Every few moments he would look at her, shuffle his feet and look at the ground. It made her wince. He obviously had something to say, but ancestors be damned if he would actually say it. She shrugged it off and let him open the apartment door for her. Stepping into the small hallway at the entrance, she saw a sticky note hanging on the fridge.
“Nepeta went out for sushi with Vanessa from work! :33 She will return later this evening, because Lucy wants to try out a new bar! :33 She thinks Equius should not wait up for her, because Nepeta is a big girl and can handle things on her own, okay? :(( DON’T WAIT UP, OKAY? I MEAN IT, EQUIUS.
-love AC”
Aradia sighed. She let Equius read the note as she floated over to the sofa and put her head in her hands. He came into the living room after her bristling and muttering. Without looking up he started to talk to her.
“That girl just doesn’t know what she’s getting into! And just.... aaaaah. Such an innocent troll, how could she consent to this defiling of... oh.”, he looked up, “Aradia... are you... oh... no... um.”
He gingerly sat down on the couch next to her.
“There, there, Aradia... I’m... sure it will get... better.”
She looked up, red eyed, from her hands.
“I don’t think it will get better for a long time, Equius.”
“Oh... oh no. Aradia, what’s wrong?”
***
Sollux had been having a bad day- something about his math teacher being wrong and Gamzee getting something stuck up his nose, making Karkat flip out at him for not being there to prevent it. He’d phoned her, mumbled something about all that, before asking her if she was caught up enough with her homework for Michelle to let her out of the house on a school night. She had laughed and told him that if she wasn’t caught up, she would sneak out to see him. His voice changed just a bit at that- the creeping hints of a smile over the phone. She found herself smiling as well and hoped he could tell the same way she could with him.
“Where do you want to meet, then?” she asked.
“I dunno... how about the Olympic Village Thquare or thomething? We could get ithe cream and then go to Kirkthtone.”
“The ice cream place shut down, remember? Now it’s a gelato place.”
“Gethuth, Aradia. I don’t know if I can handle the differnthe. Gelato inthtead of ithe cream, then. Half an hour?”
“Let me at least pretend to ask permission, first.”
“I thought you thaid you were coming even if you weren’t allowed.”
“Yeeeah, but this way neither of us will get in trouble later.”
“Where’th your thenth of adventure, AA?”
“I left it in the green sun, you asshole. See you!”
She clicked end call. Getting up, she stretched her arms above her head and put a bookmark in her book instead of leaving it open on her bed. Climbing down the ladder of her bunk, she walked to the door and then changed her mind, going into her closet to change her shirt. Running her brush through her hair, she yelled at Michelle as she ran out the door.
“I’m going to go see Sollux for a while at the Olympic Village, I’ll be back before eleven, probably.”
Michelle called back from the kitchen,
“Do you have a key, honey? Andrei and I are going out for dinner and a movie tonight, remember? Who knows when we’ll get in. By the way, have you seen your sisters?”
She rolled her eyes.
“Nepeta is helping Equius with his Law homework and left his cellphone number on the fridge. Who the hell knows where Vriska is.”
“Did she come home last night?”
“No.”
Michelle made a dissatisfied noise.
“I don’t care about whatever cultural difference she keeps trying to hold above our heads, or that we’re not her biological parents-lusi...? This is unacceptable. Hm. You go out, sweetie. We’ll figure this out later, when she is actually present. Keep an eye out for her though, will you please?”
“She won’t listen to me, but okay.”
“Tell Sollux I say hi.”
“Okay! Bye!”
Aradia made a beeline for the door before Michelle could start anything else to hold her up. She wasn’t surprised to see Sollux already waiting for her at her bus stop.
“Michelle had another litht for you, huh?”
She stepped off the bus and took his hand as they started to walk.
“Yeah. Vriska is pulling her crap again and hasn’t been home in a few days. Michelle gets worried.”
“Thtupid. Vrithka ithn’t the kind of girl that it’th thmart to worry about. Too thtrethful, and the could fuck up anyone the wanted to, really, tho there’th no good reathon to bother worrying.”
“She will never see it that way. Oh, she said to say hi.”
“Yeah. I know and I know.”
“What did Gamzee get stuck up his nose?”
Sollux growled as they walked into the Gelato place.
“Hith fucking pipe. How the thit do you get a pipe thtuck up your nothe? Why wath he...why wath it in his nothe? And then KK flipped thit because he was buthy doing thomething that wathn’t babythit that retard, and I wathn’t looking after him or thomething. Why’th it my job to make thure Gamthee thurviveth daily life? Jeguth, I’m not even hith moirail, unlike thome other douchebag we know.”
“Family is so dumb, sometimes. I bet that’s why humans are crazy.”
“Probably.”
They walked down the street in the approaching dark and held gelato cups instead of each other’s hands. It was silent until they were almost under the stark sports lights in the soccer field.
“Why are trolls, crazy then?”
Sollux hummed.
“Trollth are fucked up becauthe bathically we were treated like thit in all our...thit, I’ve been here way too long. Trollth don’t have ‘formative yearth’. Not the way humanth talk about them. We had fucking trialth in order to thurvive. They have...thitty videogames and thelf confidenth clatheth.”
He left his empty cup on a fence post and reached around Aradia’s hips. She grinned with her spoon still in her mouth. He tried to take it out and she snapped it between her teeth and his fingers. He snickered at that and kissed her. Lifting up her feet she dragged them both, laughing, to the ground.
“AA, what are we laughing about?”
“Everyone is crazy.”
“And that’th funny.”
“Yes.”
“Huh.”
They sat on the turf and let the conversation dwindle past curfew and I love yous.
***
He was already up when she woke. The bed was empty beside her, cold as she swung a leg over it’s side. Putting on a long shirt she wandered still bleary eyed into the living room. Sollux sat on the couch tapping away at his laptop.
“Morning,” she yawned, “Have you been up long?”
He didn’t answer.
“Have you had breakfast?”
He still didn’t answer.
She hrumphed and walked around the couch and over to him.
“Hello?”
Still nothing. She poked his laptop and finally he looked up.
“What? Hi AA.”
“What are you doing that’s got you up early?”
“I’m making the new Apache, because I’m tired of working with thith human made bullthit. It’th what I’ve been doing for the latht month and a half. It’th about half done, but there’th thtill thome thingth that... well, it thitill needth thome work.”
“Is this another commission thing?”
“No, I’m jutht tired of thith human bullthit.”
“Oh. Does it have a name yet?”
“No... Do you want to name it?”
“Lets have breakfast first. And not here. Put the stupid laptop down and lets go out!”
“But-”
“No! You’ve been sitting there for six weeks. Just like you said.”
“Guh. Fine.”
Aradia smiled at him as he saved all the work in all seven windows and shut down his computer. He looked up at her balefully.
“What are you going to call it?”
“Slugs. Come on, getting dressed now.”
“You can’t name it thlugth, AA.”
“It’s gunna be called Slugs if you don’t get your ass moving. God, when’s the last time we ate together? It’s only an hour. So lets go!”
“Jeguth. I’m going. I’m going.”
He cracked his own smile as he sulked off the couch and back into their room. She followed him and forty five minutes later they locked the door of their apartment. Aradia took his hand as they walked to the elevator and out onto the street.
“Did you actually have any place in mind when you dragged me out here in a fit of inthanity?”
“I was thinking Crepes at that little french place, or some pancakes at the De Dutch.”
“Well, make a decision, then.”
“Sirocco.”
“What? Ith that the french plathe?”
“No! It’s your new computer things name. But you’re right, the French place is closer.”
“You’re doing that on purpothe.”
“What?”
“Making thure I can’t actually thay the name properly.”
“I wasn’t thinking about that. Sirocco sounds like a good, well read, computer genius’ computer program thing. That’s what I was thinking.”
“Thure,” he grimaced, “You’re jutht getting your way all over the plathe, today. Thirocco it ith.”
She stopped to look him up and down as he pushed the restaurant door open for her. He was frowning, and trying to hide it. Bags under his eyes. Sighing inwardly she hugged him as they waited for the hostess to notice them.
“This won’t take very long, okay? And you don’t have to name it Sirocco. I’m just being silly today.”
His face softened and he put his hands in his pockets.
“I... gueth I could uthe a pancake.”
“Okay”
***
She woke up, still swollen eyed and exhausted, to crashing around outside. Equius must have moved her from the couch while she was sleeping- she lay alone in the blue sheets of his bed.
“I told you not to wait up for me!” squealed Nepeta’s voice, “Geez, Equius! Can’t you listen to anything? I cam-I can- I’m self suffishent, okaaay?”
Something crashed and the low sound of Equius’ voice trying to calm Nepeta sounded into the bedroom. She flung off the comforter and stood up. Trying to smooth her clothes, unsuccessfully, she stepped out into the hallway. Nepeta leaned against the wall in the living room, wildly flailing her finger at Equius.
“Nepeta,” he tried again, “Aradia just fell asleep, if you- oh.”
He saw her standing in the hall.
“You’ve woken her.”
“Huah?”
Nepeta turned around and almost fell over.
“Oh!” she squeaked, “Oh! You were- um- in Equius’ room! I, uh, I-”
“It’s not like that Nepeta.” said Aradia, picking at her eyes again, “He just didn’t want to put me in your bed.”
“Oh. What’s wrong with your eyes, Ara?”
“Long day.”
“Oh. My day was long too! I got lots of work doooone, and I still had tiiime to go out!”
“I see that.”
“Why was your day long, Aradia? Did you make up with Shollux?”
Aradia cringed.
“I told you, Nepeta. It wasn’t that kind of fight.”
“Awh, c’mon. You guys- you guys can-”
“No we can’t- he threw me out, and he doesn’t want me there anymore and it’s not something that I can ever make better.”
“Wh-” stuttered Nepeta, “why? That’s not faiiir.”
“Nepeta, I strongly suggest that you drop this topic and go to bed at once- no one is in a position to discuss this right now.”
Both women looked at Equius.
“Ekkis, thas not fair eeither. Aradia’s my earth-sister! I can be consherned about purr, okay?”
“You can be concerned all you want, Nepeta. It’s not going to change anything, so just drop it.” said Aradia, “It’s not about fair, it’s about you dropping it because I asked you to because it’s the only thing you can do to make this easier.”
“But-”
“Go to bed, Nepeta.”
“No! It’s not fur that I’m noh-not...”
She clutched her hat and gave up trying to argue.
“Fu-fine! I’ll go to bed! But you better tell me what’s wrong when I get up!”
Equius shot a look at Aradia, who nodded, before he wordlessly picked up their friend and deposited her in her room. She banged around as Equius walked back into the room to find Aradia sitting on the couch again. She looked up at him.
“You should go to bed,” she said, “ in your own bed. Don’t you have work tomorrow?”
“Um... I would rather you slept in my bed tonight, while I took the couch.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“Yes, I work tomorrow morning, but I would still prefer that you took my bed. You’ve taken the couch for a week. I will survive one night.”
“You won’t be persuaded, will you?”
“No, I don’t believe so.”
Aradia sighed. She looked up at her friend and sighed again. Getting up she paused at the hallway and turned to see Equius sitting on the couch now. He waved her into the hall and she turned again to smile weakly behind the wall. Unfair, but she was glad not to be sleeping on the couch tonight.
***
She felt like a walking cliche. Her heart was beating out of her throat, and she didn’t think it had any good reason to be. He probably wouldn’t even be home...had that maybe been why she picked that time? It was a bit safer, she guessed, but she was still walking down the dark blue hall trembling and hoping the neighbours wouldn’t pick then to take out the garbage or run to the store or even bother being out in the halls. They weren’t her neighbours anymore. Oh well, she still didn’t want to deal with them. Questions about the actual argument that the whole floor had heard, why she hadn’t been around...screw it. They only had Sollux to deal with, now. And so did she. It wasn’t like they would ever actually see him, and maybe that would make all of this easier because not seeing him would- oops. She turned around and walked back two doors. Overshot. She stopped before she knocked. It was weird. Her home for almost five years was gone and now she was scared to knock at the door.
Fuck him. Her brow furrowed and she rapped her knuckles on the door. God, just don’t answer. Let her slip her stupid envelope under the door in her coward’s way out plan B. It wasn’t that easy, though. Footsteps from inside. The chain clinked. The knob turned. He opened the door almost all the way before he even bothered to look up. His glasses must have been left on the table. Bags under his eyes, old clothes. He was wearing his shoes inside. She hoped she looked better than he did.
“You didn’t leave anything. The fuck do you want?”
Don’t cringe.
“I have to tell you something.”
“Right, right. Wath it the thame thing you’re lovely adoptive father told me yethterday that made the neighbourth call the landlord? If it’th that, I’m really not tho interethted, you know? You can all jutht fuck off, now.”
He growled as he spoke. Eye contact was just impossible.
“What?”
Don’t be shrill.
“What did you do to Andrei? Fuck, you didn’t hurt him- if you-”
“I didn’t hurt your pathetic excuthe of a luthuth, alright? What the fuck do you want, Aa?”
“I...”
Look him in the eyes, god damn it.
“I’m pregnant. It’s yours, Sollux. You can’t see it.”
He put his arm against the door-frame and leaned into it.
“That’th it?”
“Y-yes.”
“Well, I thure dodged a fucking bullet there, didn’t I? Do I need to thign thomething? Ith that what the envelope ith about?”
He looked her up and down.
“No? Get out, then. Look at me here, theeing you. I’m not allowed, remember? You know where the thtairth are. Bye.”
He closed the door on her before she had the chance to even tear up. She wasn’t allowed to tear up. She just had to get out. Halfway down the stairs she realized she could take the elevator. It didn’t matter...but fuck him. She opened the nearest fire door and stepped back out into blue hallway. Down a ways the elevator doors sat, closed. She pressed the down button and it lit up. It hummed as she waited, and opened to an old lady standing alone with empty grocery bags. She looked Aradia up and down.
“Hmph.”
Aradia snorted back. She got in and pressed the “G”.
“I already pressed that.”, said the woman.
Her eyes hurt.
“That’s amazing.”
There was silence the rest of the way down, until in the lobby the woman let out another dissatisfied grunt and went out the back door.
How was life so ordinary.
Her stomach hurt, but maybe less than when she came. Or More. It was hard to tell while it was still happening. It would change with time, she guessed. Yeah. It would change with time... but right now, it was still a miserable existence. Oh god, why was it still right now? Don’t tear up. She wasn’t out of the woods yet. The lobby was only so big. The street actually was big. She felt small looking down it onto the horizon... and again there was Equius.
He was waiting at the bus stop. Ha...he was waiting in the only place she couldn’t avoid, and he was looking the other way, probably on purpose. She wondered if he ever got tired of whatever pretence that made him do things like that, but at the same time maybe it wasn’t bad not to have to face anyone for just those extra few seconds. Still, they had to end eventually. She reached up and put her hand on his shoulder and he nearly fell over. Maybe he actually was looking the other way.
“Equius,” she said, “what are you doing here?”
“I’m, um, waiting for a bus?”
Across the street, the token blue mustang sat in a line of parked cars.
“Your car is parked across the street.”
“Um... yes it is. I just... Nepeta told me where you were going, and I thought that... maybe... you would need a ride somewhere... after.”
She felt her eyes giving in again. Aah. She hugged him so he wouldn’t see. He jumped again, his arms flying into the air, but didn’t resist.
“You are the worst liar- why do you even try?”
“I was under the impression that it was endearing.”
She did laugh at that- it still sounded more like a sob. She couldn’t really see it, but she could feel his stance change to something more... more relaxed.
“That is so wrong.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Oh. So, do you need a ride somewhere?”
“N-not today, Equius.”
“Oh. Okay then...”
He hesitated, and then gave her the lightest of hugs.
“You know that you can stay with Nepeta and I until you are back on your feet.”
“I...thanks.”
“Are you sure that you do not need a ride somewhere?”
“Yeah. I need to be alone for a bit.”
“Very well. I will see you in a few hours?”
“Yes you will.”
***
She rolled over in bed to the sound of her phone buzzing. Crap, why was it on? Nepeta stirred in the bunk below her and she quickly reached over to turn it off.
“You have received a text message from BEETH” it beeped.
She grumbled under her breath and read the text.
“Hey, Aa.”
“What?’ she typed back, “it’s three am and we both have school tomorrow.”
Silence.
“I love you, Aa.”
“And that’s it?”
“Yeah, that wa2 it. Ju2t I love you.”