Chapter Text
"There's really nothing we could possibly do--"
The words drown out of Louis' ears as he tightly screws his eyes shut. His fingernails tightly mark up his palms, which are clenching tightly along with his heart. His lips, that are pressed together in a tight line, suddenly fall open and a ragged sob that he desperately tried to conceal, falls out.
Dr. Edwards continues talking sympathetically about the condition that Lottie is in. His hands are placed in front of him fiddling about, feeling sad and heavy for the loss that the Tomlinson family will suffer any minute now.
"If you need any help Johannah, I'll be happy to help." He places a comforting hand on the shaking woman's shoulder who is two steps next to Louis. Her hands are white as she grasps a tissue tightly while pressing it to her blotchy red face.
Louis feels the tears that he was trying to conceal, run hot down his cheeks. He quickly brings up one hand and wipes them away. He has to be strong. He needs to be strong.
He excuses himself, as he walks down the too white and too sterile hallway of the hospital that he came to hate during the past weeks. Easily rounding corners while looking down, he almost feels like he's running on auto pilot. No feelings anymore.
Arriving in front of the beige colored door, he composes himself as he quietly steps inside the room. Everything is quiet inside, except for the heart machine, that beeps ominously towards the right of the bed, where Lottie lays. A fresh wave of tears flood his eyes, and he can't help but let those escape. He sits on the chair right next to the bed as he takes in the appearance of his beloved sister.
Her eyes are shut in what appears to be a grimace. Her eyebrows are furrowed up, making her look like she's in pain. Her once creamy skin, now looks a sickening pale color, that contrasts into a yellow shade. Her small lips are white and cracked from the lack of water. He can't help when his hand reaches out and softly caresses her cheek. To that her eyes flutter open slowly. Even that has changed. Her once bright blue eyes, are now simply dull. Looking more dead than alive.
"Lou?" Her voice is hoarse and it almost sounds like a croak. Louis reaches at the small table at his side to fill up a cup with a pitcher of water that sits there. He returns to her side as she looks at him gently and he can't help the tears that run down his face.
"Here doll, drink up. You need to stay hydrated." He shakily smiles at her while placing the edge of the cup close to her lips. Her small bony hand reaches up towards his and gently pushes it away, while softly shaking her head.
"No Lou. I'm going already. Let's just make it faster. Yeah?" At her words Louis can't control himself anymore. Any restraint he had is vanished. His hand slams the cup of water down at the table making it wobble and spill all over the floor.
"Don't say that Charlotte! Just don't! You will get better and everything will be fine. Okay! Everything will be fine. You need to get better Lottie. You need to get better." His screaming ceases as sobs rise at his throat.
His legs give way and he falls to his knees next to the bed. He can hear the soft sniffling from his sister, and that makes him feel even worse. He guiltily looks up and the sight before him crushes his chest making him take a shaky breath in.
"You'll be okay Lou. You and mum will be okay." She gingerly places a hand on his cheek. "I'll go happily knowing that you and her did everything in your hands to help me."
He places his hand next to hers on top of his cheek and continuously shakes his head while more traitorous tears come out.
"Stop speaking like that. You will get better. Everything will be fine. You'll go back to doing ballet and you'll soon dazzle the Royal Opera House and the English National Ballet and they'll fight for you to dance for them. You just wait and see sweetheart." He sadly smiles at her and it turns into a grimace as he looks down.
"My one true dream, was to see Swan Lake live." She gently chuckles as tears stream down her face as well. Louis feels like his heart has not stopped clenching and unclenching inside his chest.
"And you'll see it darling. You'll see it. You just need to stay strong and get out of this bed and come home where you belong." He removes her hand from his cheek as he presses soft kisses at her knuckles. She wets her dry lips while taking a gulp that reflects the pain she's in.
"You'll go on to do great things Lou. You'll be great and successful, and you'll have everything you've ever dreamed of." She reaches her hand out once again to pat Louis hair while she continues, "and you'll find the fittest bloke in all of England, and you'll marry and live happily ever after."
At her last words Louis can't help the strangled sob that escapes his throat. He can't help the never ending tears that flow easily without permission, staining his cheeks.
"You'll be there Lott. You'll be there to see me get you and mum out of that despicable place. Just you wait." He continues nodding his head and reassuring but at that point, he doesn't know who. If her or himself.
"Call mum for me Lou. Tell her I need to say goodbye to her too." Louis quickly stands up at her words and begins to furiously shake his head as he paces in front of the bed.
"No! No! No! No Lottie you have to promise me! Promise me! Promise you won't leave me Lottie please promise me Lottie please!" He makes his way back to her side and surges forward placing their foreheads together. "Please Lottie."
"I promise." Comes her faint response as he kisses her forehead one more time. He gently smiles at her. As he rushes out of the room to retrieve their mum.
He leaves them alone for a while, as he rushes to the nearest CD and DVD store by the hospital. He returns with Swan Lake and he pops it on as his mum sits on the chair and he lays next to Lottie.
When Odette and Siegfried commit suicide on Act 4, he stares at awe at the screen being enthralled by the magnificent story of the Swan and her prince.
He turns around to look at Lottie and see her reaction, but his smile stops short when he sees her eyes closed. Her lips are set in a small smile, frozen. His heart plummets to the ground when he reaches out and gently touches her cooling skin.
"Lottie?" His throat lets out an almost inhumane sob as his mum rushes to her other side with tears running down her wild face.
"Lottie!"
She breaks her promise that night.
*
Funeral services for the death of fifteen year old Charlotte Tomlinson, take place one week later. Louis and his mum are surrounded by only dear and close friends.
Louis' godmother sits next to him while rubbing comforting circles once the ceremony is over and people start to file out of the cemetery, each with an apologetic condolence. His mum is sure to thank them all, but Louis, Louis seems to be mute as he just stares at the small grave that now contains his sister.
"Hey Lou."
The voice comes from his right. His godmother excused herself some minutes ago and he now sits alone. He looks up and sees the familiar blonde head of his best friend. Her eyes are puffy and not a speck of make up is on her face, making her appear younger. Her hair is elegantly gathered up in a bun as well. Something he's never quite seen before.
"Thank you Perrie." His voice croaks out. The lack of use makes it gravelly and rough, but it still squeaks in the end. New tears fill up Perrie's eyes, as she lunges herself on him and tightly wraps her arms around his neck.
"There's no need. Really. I loved Lottie too." This is where Louis should be crying, but he isn't. He feels like he has ran out of tears, and it almost seems true but one lone tear, makes its way out and trails down landing on Perrie's shoulder.
Perrie pulls back and looks straight at him. He smiles softly at her, feeling pure adoration for the girl who helped his family out so much during the last few days.
Being daughter of Dr. Edwards, Perrie, possessed a lot of money. Something Louis always envied her on. But lately came to love. Because if it hadn't been for her or her father, Lottie might still be in the morgue of the hospital without a proper burial.
Him and his mum were the only ones left in the Tomlinson clan. His stepfather who died 7 years ago, and Lottie, no longer there with them.
They were poor. More than poor, they were piss poor. His mother washing clothes for the people in their neighborhood for a living, and him being a full time student. It wasn't a surprise if they sometimes went to bed with only bread and water to eat.
It was one of the reasons why they couldn't help Lottie in time. All because of stupid money, or lack thereof.
He hated being poor. He had always had expensive tastes. Louis knew that he wasn't meant to be poor. He was meant to be rich. To be showered in attention. Not to be humiliated by others.
He knew that he needed to be above it all.
Having been left alone again, he quietly made his way to his sisters grave and knelt down placing a small red rose in the middle between all the other flowers that were left there. He grabbed a handful of soil and tightly clenched it in his hand making a little bit spill out.
"I'm going to make you a promise Lottie. A promise that I couldn't keep when you were alive." He softly opened his hand, making the dirt spill out again.
"I promise, that I'll become rich and successful. I promise that I will be great. I promise that no one will ever look down on me again for being poor," he paused as he swiftly stood up with his eyes still trained on the newly placed gravestone.
"Because, in between of being and not being: I. Am."