Archive of Our Own

☼

As imperceptibly as grief

The summer lapsed away,—

Too imperceptible, at last,

To seem like perfidy.

 

A quietness distilled,

As twilight long begun,

Or Nature, spending with herself

Sequestered afternoon.

 

The dusk drew earlier in,

The morning foreign shone,-

A courteous, yet harrowing grace,

As guest who would be gone.

 

And thus, without a wing,

Or service of a keel,

Our summer made her light escape

Into the beautiful.

☼

“Your lawn is never gonna recover like this, sir,” the delivery guy says as he watches Changbin drive the forklift through the grass and into the open doors of his sunroom.

The wheels get stuck for a bit on the threshold, but this isn’t Changbin’s first time doing it, so he knows he has to step on the gas just a little more. And like that, he’s inside, driving the vehicle into his workshop. The delivery guy whistles in honest appreciation.

Changbin lowers the pallet where he wants it. The wooden structure is holding a large piece of untouched marble, so heavy that it almost made his forklift topple over when he got it out of the truck. This spot is perfect. The right amount of light illuminating it through the glass ceiling of his sunroom, enough room around it to work on it, and right under one of the metal support beams, for if he needs to suspend it with some rope.

The forklift beeps as he backs it up, leaving a trail of mud behind as he drives it outside. The delivery guy hands him the clipboard and Changbin signs it, sending the man off with a ‘see you next time’. He parks the forklift in his garage, one built for sports cars and other luxury items that are common in this side of town. Changbin just uses it for his old motorcycle, his lawnmower, and the forklift. 

Changbin follows the tire tracks in the grass back to the sunroom slash workshop. He figures that he’s going to let the dirt on the room’s tile floor dry overnight so he can sweep it in the morning before his visitor comes. It’s not like the room is ever clean anyway.

He rubs at his sore neck as he squats down by the door that leads to his living space. It was only recently that he bought the dog gate, but it’s proven to be successful. “Why the sad face, Rocky?” he asks his French Bulldog, who’s lying down on the other side, stubby nose pressed in between the bars of the gate. 

Changbin reaches through the gate to scratch his nose. “You were good just now, weren’t you? No barking at all,” he says in the baby voice that he always uses for his dog, “We’re having someone over tomorrow, so you’re gonna have to be good again, okay? Or else no treats.”

Rocky moves his ears like he understands what his owner just told him and whines. 

Changbin looks over his shoulder at the beautiful, untouched block of marble that stands at least a couple of heads taller than him.

He can’t wait to break into it.

☼

Changbin is busy washing a cup when he spots his guest through the kitchen window rolling his bike onto the driveway. The young man walks his bike by hand, looking for a place to park it. Then, he moves the stand with his foot and struggles as the bike falls over multiple times, unstable in the gravel. One of the fake flowers on the bike’s basket falls off and Changbin watches him reattach it carefully. 

His guest squints, trying to find the front door. Changbin can’t blame him, modern architecture is confusing after all. So he knocks on the kitchen window, grabbing the man’s attention and pointing to the left, telling him where to go. 

Changbin runs to the front door. His dog chases after him, nails tapping on the hardwood floor. He manages to swing the door open before his guest reaches it, a little out of breath.

“Oh!” The man looks shocked. Then, he says, “Hi, I’m Hyunjin.”

“I know,” Changbin shakes his hand, “I’m Changbin. Thank you for coming.”

“No, thank you for hiring me, I mean–” Hyunjin gets interrupted by Rocky pulling at the shoelaces of his boots, looking down at him in surprise. Changbin feels a bit relieved when he sees that the other isn’t annoyed. Instead, Hyunjin just squats down to pet the chubby dog.

“Sorry about that,” Changbin clears his throat, “Guess, uh– he wants you to come inside.” He laughs nervously at his own joke. Lord, he really should have people over more often.

Luckily, Hyunjin smiles, charming dimples in his cheeks. He kicks off his boots while coming inside, not caring one bit that Rocky runs off with one of them. Changbin has to chase after him, wrenching the shoe out from between the dog’s jaw. “Bad dog,” Changbin hisses while he wipes the drool off with his sleeve.

“You have a nice house,” Hyunjin calls from the hallway, voice echoing off the tall walls.

Changbin runs back, a bit flustered. “Thank you, I–” He awkwardly hands Hyunjin his shoe. “Do you want anything to drink?”

Hyunjin follows him to the workshop, holding the glass of iced tea that Changbin poured him from the full pitcher that his housekeeper made yesterday. Rocky follows them with heavy breathing, already too excited about having a guest over. Changbin is also excited, but even more nervous. He hasn’t done this since art school.

“Here’s where the magic happens.” The dog gate squeaks as he pushes it open, letting Hyunjin in while he holds Rocky back with his foot.

Hyunjin steps inside, letting his mouth fall open dramatically as he looks around the space.

Changbin shoves his hands in his pocket, feeling a bit shy. This is his most treasured place in the house after all. 

The sunroom is what he bought the house for. He loves being close to the outdoors and working in natural light, even when it’s raining. However, it was just so damn stiff when he moved in. So sleek and boring, no personal touches to the house from the previous owners. 

So Changbin took it upon himself to change that. He painted the beams dark so that they blend in with the sky when he works deep into the night. There’s a small collection of citrus trees by the tall, glass walls, that somehow survive his poor care and give the room a fresh smell whenever he forgets to take a shower break. And his most prized part of the room is of course the mural he and his mother painted together when he was still moving in. The originally ugly white wall, attached to the rest of the house, now has the image of a beautiful peacock. 

Changbin watches a drop of condensation roll down the side of the glass of iced tea and onto Hyunjin’s finger. His throat feels a bit dry so he clears it. He just wants to hear Hyunjin say something.

“I love it here,” Hyunjin finally says. Then, he walks towards the majestic, huge block of marble, flattening his hand against it. For a second, Changbin wonders if Hyunjin can feel the same things Changbin feels when he touches the stone. “Is this it?”

“Yeah,” Changbin swallows, “that’ll be you.”

It was a coincidence that Changbin found Hyunjin. 

Normally, Changbin makes original sculptures, out of every type of stone he can get his hands on, always looking for a challenge. They’re all based on his imagination, powerful and nonexistent creatures that he comes up with. Much like the three-headed lioness that decorates the corner of his workroom since he just can’t get himself to sell that one.

His other activity, what he likes to call his side hustle, is copying old greek statues. The housewives of this fancy neighborhood adore them and always want to outdo each other. Which is why Changbin sets aside his morals and charges them four, sometimes five times the amount they’re worth.

And on rare occasions, someone commissions him.

A while back, a wealthy businessman that liked to remain anonymous called him because he wanted a centerpiece for his penthouse.

The assignment was clear: a celebration of male beauty.

It confused Changbin at first, and forced him to think about what he considered to be beautiful, especially about men. It stirred some unwelcome thoughts, thoughts he wasn’t ready to explore yet. So, to get his mind off of it, he visited his previous apprentice’s photo exhibition.

That’s where he saw him.

Not in person, but in 2D, blown up on a canvas from floor to ceiling, naked body on full display. Changbin stood there for the better part of an hour, swirling his champagne in the glass until it had no more bubbles. He was hypnotized.

Changbin just knew it had to be him. 

It took a little persuading, but Seungmin eventually gave him Hyunjin’s number. He called him the same night, smiling fondly to himself as the other choked on air when Changbin mentioned how much he would be paying him. 

And now he’s here, in his studio, busy hand playing with the strap of his silly dungarees as he looks around with curious eyes. Hyunjin is even more mesmerizing in real life. There’s like– a presence to him, something Changbin can’t put his finger on, but he wants to see more of it.

Hyunjin sticks a strand of long hair behind his ear and turns, asking, “Do you wanna start?”

“Yeah, uh–” Changbin rushes to get the stool that he had in mind for the piece, “Let me find a good spot for this first.”

His idea is clear in his head. He wants Hyunjin seated on the edge of a stool, hands resting on the seat behind him, leaning back a little, one foot outstretched, the other on the little step that the stool has. Simple, but elegant. The figure of a man casually lounging, while also showing off the wonderful lines of his body.

“I need to get your measurements, and sketch out the raw lines on the block so I know what to cut out first.” Changbin repositions the stool again. He needs to get the right lighting and the right distance from his working space. “It’s really just a matter of doing the outline first and then–” Changbin turns, finally facing Hyunjin again.

His guest is already halfway stepping out of his dungarees.

“No no no!” Changbin waves his hands around, flustered. “You can keep your clothes on.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin gives him a lopsided smile and then pulls his pants back up. 

The sun shining through the glass ceiling reveals a modest blush creeping up Hyunjin’s neck. So Changbin goes back to rambling, figuring he can lighten some of the other’s shame by being a bit awkward himself.

“I’m gonna need you to sit on this stool so we can figure out a comfortable pose together, and then I’m gonna,” Changbin grabs the measuring tape from the big wood top work table in the middle of the room, accidentally letting it slip from between his fingers and watching it unroll itself on the floor, “and then, uh–”

“You’re gonna measure me,” Hyunjin ends the sentence for him as he seats himself on the stool. There’s a teasing glint to his eyes, but it’s not mean spirited. 

Changbin just hums and scratches the back of his head, a little lost for words. But then he gets his notebook and pencil, and sticks it in his back pocket. Hyunjin sits with his hands folded in his lap, clearly waiting for instructions. 

He reaches out, a question in his eyes and Hyunjin nods, giving him permission. Changbin guides the other’s hips forward until his buttocks are more on the edge of the stool. Then, he urges him to put down his hands behind him, leaning some of his weight on them.

“This okay?” he asks, “Your legs won’t fall asleep like this?”

Hyunjin wiggles his feet around. “No, I think I’ll be alright.”

“Okay, good.” Changbin hooks his hand under Hyunjin’s knee and pulls his leg up, then positions his foot on the step of the stool. Just as Changbin had imagined, Hyunjin stretches out his other leg to compensate and feel steady. 

He takes a few steps back and studies the pose. Hyunjin looks relaxed, natural even. Despite him saying that he’s comfortable, Changbin figures that Hyunjin’s wrists will hurt eventually. He’s going to have to remember to tell Hyunjin to roll his wrists every now and then. 

Finally, he squints his eyes and looks through his lashes. Yes, the silhouette is perfect. Changbin can imagine how this pose will emphasize the beauty of his body once he’s– once he’s naked. 

Changbin claps his hands together, startling Hyunjin a bit. With a quick apology for that, he takes out his measuring tape and gets to work. 

He measures every part of Hyunjin that matters in this first phase of the sculpture. Not used to having company, he works in silence, jotting everything down in his notes next to a quick sketch of Hyunjin’s body. Hyunjin stays quiet too, watching him go through the motions with curious eyes.

When Changbin moves to measure his neck, they make eye contact. Hyunjin holds it, bold for a second or two, and then looks away, clearing his throat. Changbin ignores the way his fingers shake as he loops the measuring tape around Hyunjin’s neck, hoping he’ll stop feeling so awkward soon, or that he can move to the familiarity of his block of marble shortly after this. Then he won’t have to think about how good Hyunjin smells.

He gets saved by Rocky, who whines with his snout sticking through the bars of the dog gate, acting like he’s heartbroken.

“Why can’t he come in?” Hyunjin asks, breaking his pose to look at the dog.

Changbin wraps the tape around his own wrist to keep his hands busy. “He has trouble breathing sometimes, and the air can get really dusty in here.”

“Aw,” Hyunjin says, and then proceeds to make kissy faces at the dog, to which Rocky obviously reacts by whining even more dramatically. 

Changbin laughs to himself as the two converse in a nonhuman language. Then, he grabs his red crayon, puts his notebook down next to the marble, and gets to work. 

The wax slides easily against the stone and makes for easy sketching. If he makes any mistakes he can scrape it right off. But he won’t have to, he’s far too experienced to mess this up. This is the easy bit, after all. 

He measures, draws a line, looks at Hyunjin’s figure basking in the sunlight that falls from the sky like it only shines for him, and repeats. Measure, draw, check, repeat. 

The stone works with him and he gets lost in it. The shape, the size, the flow of it, everything is just perfect. Changbin gets that funny buzz in his hands, and the feeling that this is going to be a wonderful piece. He just knows that he won’t be able to work on anything else until he finishes it.

Eventually, he has to send Hyunjin off so he can get to do the dirty work. Hyunjin leaves with a content smile and a promise to be back in the morning.

Changbin works until deep in the night. His face is moist under his mask and dust sticks to his sweaty skin. He burns through an entire angle grinder saw as he cuts along the lines, shedding the boulder of its unnecessary edges. One of the tiles in his workroom breaks when a particularly big chunk of marble falls onto it, but it’s alright.

He figures it’s something to remember this piece by once he inevitably has to part ways with it.

☼ 

Changbin can’t even take one step into the kitchen before he’s met with a high-pitched voice.

“Oh, look at you! With your hair all pretty and pushed back!”

“Miss Kim, please–” Changbin tries, holding up his hands in front of him to stop her, but his housekeeper is already pinching both of his cheeks. But then, she spots something, and taps her finger against Changbin’s forehead.

“You’re balding. Just like your father.”

“I’m not!” He shakes her off and checks his reflection in the stainless steel doors of his American-style refrigerator. Perhaps the old lady is right, so he ruffles his hair a bit, parts of his fringe falling down and covering the places where his hair is thinning.

Damn. And he’s only twenty-five. 

Still, he looks good though. At least, he thinks he does. He’s not sure.

“I’ve made some watermelon punch, and everything for naengmyeon is in the fridge. You do remember how to make that, right?” she asks, her penciled eyebrows raised.

Miss Kim is still as protective as she was when Changbin was still a toddler. His family hired her back then to take care of him, considering his father had a business to run and his mother spent most of her day painting in her studio, too focused to notice Changbin’s needs as a child. 

She’s always been like a second mother to him, or maybe even a first mother. So when Changbin finally bought this house, he hired miss Kim to come and help him three days a week. Partly for the familiarity of it, but mostly out of necessity. Changbin really doesn’t know how to take care of himself.

“Oh, and you need to get the bathroom window fixed on the second floor because it’s still stuck. I’m going to break my back if I have to push it open one more time,” she says as she gathers her things and puts them in her purse. 

Changbin sighs, pretending to be annoyed. “Yes, miss Kim. I’ll call someone.”

She fixes her permed hair as she walks to the front door, exchanging her slippers for her best summer shoes. “You boys have fun today,” she says, as if Changbin has a playdate. 

Nerves rustle in Changbin’s stomach at the reminder that his guest is coming soon. He pushes them away and waves at miss Kim as she backs up her shiny, black SUV. The car leaves deep tracks in the gravel, as it always does.

The same gravel rustles an hour later. Changbin’s at the same spot he was the day before, looking through his kitchen window as Hyunjin walks his bike through the gates. This time, he chooses to put his bike against the garage doors, making sure it doesn’t fall over.

Hyunjin takes off his straw hat, forehead sweaty, and hair sticking to his skin. He waves at Changbin when he spots him through the window. Changbin just smiles at him, since he can’t wave back. He’s holding two glasses of ice-cold watermelon punch.

Perhaps the straws are too much. Or the tiny umbrellas he put in the drink. Yes, those are definitely too much. But it’s too late, because Hyunjin is stepping through the unlocked front door and Changbin is just standing there in the hallway, holding the drinks awkwardly.

“Hi,” Hyunjin says, kicking off his sandals, a little out of breath. Then, he notices the drinks. “Thanks, I’m absolutely parched.”

When he takes a sip of the red juice, his eyes roll back a bit, clearly enjoying it. Changbin thinks he likes that about Hyunjin, how expressive he is. He doesn’t have to guess what the other is thinking; it’s right there on his face.

“Where’s Rocky?” Hyunjin asks, following Changbin to the workroom.

“Still in bed,” Changbin says, and then, a little flustered, “Yeah, I know I shouldn’t let my dog sleep on the bed, but I’m weak.”

Hyunjin slurps loudly through his straw, already close to finishing his juice. “I won’t judge. I always let my dog sleep on the bed when I visit my parents.” Hyunjin steps into the workshop, bare feet leaving damp footprints on the tiles. “I even have little puppy stairs for him to climb onto the bed.”

Changbin laughs at that, happy he’s not the only crazy dog dad. “You should bring your dog sometime. Rocky likes company.”

Hyunjin tips his glass back and sucks one of the ice cubes into his mouth. He looks absolutely ridiculous with it stored in his cheek, but Changbin appreciates him having his guard down around him. “Even if he pees all over your house?” he asks, lisping with his mouth full.

“Alright, alright, maybe not.” Changbin puts his glass down and takes off his sweater. The room heats up too quickly during summer, so he turns on the AC as well. The machine blows out cold air, but the sound is labored. He has to remember to clean the filter soon since it gets clogged up so easily in this dusty room. Lord, there’s actually a lot of maintenance he has to do around the house, and–

Hyunjin is staring at him. 

Changbin looks down at his tank top, to check if he has any stains on it or something. When he finds there to be nothing but clean, white cotton, he looks back up again. Hyunjin’s eyes are somewhere else now, focused on one of the citrus trees. His jaw is tense and it’s almost as if he’s looking away on purpose.

Weird.

“Let’s get started?” Changbin just asks, desperate to chase away the awkwardness he’s feeling. Again. 

Quickly, he finds that Hyunjin is very good at sitting still. After some maneuvering, Changbin manages to get him in the same spot as the day before, and after that Hyunjin just doesn’t move. He’s absolutely perfect for this.

Changbin works in silence again, studying Hyunjin’s figure. The other is wearing a tight t-shirt, just like Changbin requested of him, and some loose, linen pants, perfect for summer. Today is only for the upper body, so the shirt makes it easy for Changbin to see his outlines, which he tries to roughly replicate in the marble.

The point chisel shoots through the stone with every hit from his hammer, removing the bulk that was left after last night, and slowly imitating the shape of Hyunjin’s shoulder. It’s exciting, exhilarating even, to have the shape of another human slowly emerge from the marble. Changbin gets so lost in it that seconds blend into minutes, and minutes into hours, until he finally spots the way Hyunjin is shaking his leg.

“Do you wanna take a break?” he asks, putting his tools down.

“Oh thank God, yes.” Hyunjin hops off the stool instantly. “I’m about to pee myself.”  

Hyunjin runs off so fast that he almost trips over the ledge of the dog gate, and Changbin smiles to himself at that. At least he’s not the only clumsy one around right now. He takes a few steps back to properly look at his art piece. It’s going to be at least a couple more weeks of work. Most people would dread it, but instead, it excites him. He loves his job.

When Hyunjin returns, Rocky is chasing him. “He needs to pee too,” Hyunjin says, with more urgency to his voice than he had for himself.

Changbin gestures for him to let the dog in and opens the doors to outside. The dog runs through the sunroom and into the backyard immediately. That’s another reason why Changbin has the dog gate. If it weren’t for that, Rocky would often run straight into the glass sliding doors, thinking they were open. 

Hyunjin stretches as he watches Rocky dig a hole in the already ruined grass. “This job is so much better than my previous summer job.”

“Oh yeah?” Changbin raises his eyebrows. “And what was that?”

“I worked at Lush.” Hyunjin runs a hand through his long hair, combing it out of his face. “I had a headache every day from the smells.”

Changbin laughs at that, but he can’t imagine a regular job like that. He was lucky to be born into a wealthy family so he never had to work his ass off to pay rent or anything. But still, it left him a bit isolated. His mother insisted on having him homeschooled, so he really didn’t have many friends growing up. He wonders what it would be like, working in a store with Hyunjin.

He smiles at that thought. “Well, let’s hope the dust doesn’t get to your head.”

☼

Work moves fast after that. 

Hyunjin comes by almost every weekday, but never on the weekends. Changbin chips away at his marble quickly, revealing the rough shape that is Hyunjin. It looks what like Hyunjin would look like in a blurry picture. His body is there, but his edges are fuzzy and undefined.

Somehow, Hyunjin gets more comfortable around him than he already was, and soon Changbin realizes that he’s actually quite chatty. And he doesn’t mind it one bit. He loves hearing Hyunjin talk about his friend group, his dog, or how he just never manages to register on time for his final few classes, leaving him unable to graduate and obtain his social work degree.

Hyunjin tends to tell his stories so vividly, a little overdramatic, but Changbin likes it that way. It’s like Hyunjin sketches an image in Changbin’s mind, a detailed picture of what his world looks like.

And in turn, Changbin tells him everything about himself as well. Hyunjin listens to him, and asks him questions with actual curiosity. He asks him specific things, like what Changbin’s favorite beach is, or if he’s ever eaten durian, and what he felt the first time he finished a statue. 

Changbin isn’t used to it, to people actually engaging with him like that. He’s used to small talk, just for the sake of it. His father’s colleagues asking him about his grades, his grandmother telling him to go to university and study business like his father, or his mother’s friends asking him again if he’s tried aromatherapy for his insomnia.

Hyunjin actually listens to him, instead of waiting until it’s his turn to talk.

But today is a day where Changbin falls silent. He’s nervous, clammy hands and thrumming heart. Curses fly through his head, telling himself to grow up already, that he shouldn’t be anxious about something so silly. Hyunjin is professional and he certainly isn’t shy. 

“Can you–” Changbin fumbles with the strings of his apron, letting them slip through his fingers as he tries to tie them behind his back, “Can you take off your shirt today?” He deliberately doesn’t look at Hyunjin while he asks it. But he’s going to have to look at him soon. A lot.

“Oh? Today’s the day?” Hyunjin sounds excited.

Changbin finally manages to tie the strings into a tight knot and heaves a sigh of relief. And when he looks back up again, his breathing stops.

Hyunjin has already taken on his pose again, the position so familiar to him now that he does it perfectly every time. The sun shines down on him through the glass ceiling and he has his eyes closed, head thrown back a little, basking in the heat of summer. Changbin can already see a light sheen of sweat on his naked chest.

He immediately turns on the AC. 

“What tools are you using today?” Hyunjin asks, peeking through one eye.

“Uhm–” Good question. Changbin rummages through his toolbox until he finds the right one. “A tooth chisel,” he says, “it’s perfect for bringing out more definition, without taking too much stone.”

“Nice. I can’t wait to see the result.” Hyunjin closes his eyes again.

“Well, if we work a bit longer today, I can show you how much of a difference it makes.” Changbin puts the chisel against the marble.

Hyunjin hums, and then, “Can I stay long enough until your wife comes home?”

Changbin almost cleaves the marble in half.

“My wife?” he asks, half laughing in bewilderment.

Hyunjin looks at him and reads the confusion on his face. “I thought– the lady slippers at the door and the pink raincoat… you’re wearing a ring?!”

“No, no, no. Those are my housekeeper’s. And,” Changbin holds up his hand, showing the golden band on his ring finger, “this was my late grandfather’s.”

Hyunjin’s face does a funny thing as it goes from surprise to realization, and from that to something Changbin can’t really put his finger on. Then, finally, he smiles. His dimples are deep and there’s a wicked glint to his eyes that stirs something in Changbin, something close to fear, but not in a bad way. Something like the feeling he gets when he’s getting strapped into the safety harness of a roller coaster.

The other closes his eyes again, going back into position, but for the rest of the session, that small smile doesn’t leave his lips.

☼

It’s the mole. It’s definitely the mole. 

That’s why Changbin can’t focus.

Hyunjin has more than one. The first one he spotted was the one under his eye. He assumed it was fake at first, because there is just no way that someone as beautiful as Hyunjin is also blessed with a beauty mark like that. 

The second one he spotted was the one on his neck. The mole is more pronounced, a little darker and more obvious. Changbin finds himself wondering if one could feel it if they were to run their fingers over it blindly.

But that’s also not the one that is torturing him currently.

It’s the faint, barely-there freckle next to his right nipple, ghosting just on the edge where dark skin turns into the lighter plains of his chest. 

Changbin doesn’t understand why he continues to be drawn to it. He manages to focus on his work every now and then, chipping away at the stone and getting it as smooth as is possible with a chisel. But every few minutes he finds himself halting his movements, eyes pulled towards the modest mole.

He wonders where else Hyunjin is hiding these pretty marks. 

There was a time where he didn’t even dare to look at other men’s bodies. Being homeschooled, he never got to experience PE locker rooms, or sleepovers, or any of the sorts. His first experience with being around groups of men of the same age was in the military. 

Being shoveled into communal showers with at least ten other naked men invoked a panic in him, a fear so visceral, and he could not pin down where it came from. He spent those eighteen months with his eyes facing the wall, entering the showers first and leaving last. They teased him for it, joked about him having a tiny dick to hide or something, but he just laughed at their insults, even made it a running joke himself. 

That was better than trying to look inside his heart and see the real issue.

But now, he’s feeling the same panic again. Not as strong and paralyzing as before. But it’s there, in the back of his mind, reminding him of the big pink elephant in the room with its trunk wrapped around his neck, making it hard for him to breathe.

The AC drips some condensation onto the floor and Hyunjin shivers. He’s cold. Changbin can tell because he’s been staring at his chest for too long now to miss the way his nipples hardened at one point.

“I’m gonna have to call it a day, my head hurts,” he lies.

Hyunjin’s concern is suffocating. He feels seen, too seen, like Hyunjin looks right through him. And before he walks out the door, feet already in his shoes, Hyunjin puts his hands on his shoulders. He squeezes them, only a little bit, but the gesture holds so much affection that Changbin doesn’t know what to do.

“Take care, okay?” Hyunjin says, meaning it.

Changbin rubs at his shoulders as he watches Hyunjin bike away, still feeling his touch burn into his skin. He finds himself coming back to it for the rest of the day, touching them. It’s like there’s something missing now, like he has to fill a void. Like he wants to be touched again.

That night, he hugs his pillow, since it’s the only thing that’s been helping him sleep these days.

☼

“I would kill for a popsicle right now,” Hyunjin says as he slowly buttons up his floral patterned shirt, sheen of sweat on his forehead despite the AC blasting.

“Sorry, I don’t have any in the freezer.” Changbin washes the dust off his hands in the large stainless steel sink, letting cold water splash on his wrists to cool him down.

Hyunjin tucks his shirt in his wide-legged pants. “We could go get some? There’s a convenience store at the bottom of the hill.” Then, a cheeky grin on his lips. “You can sit on the back of my bike.”

Changbin shakes the water off his hands and considers it. Dangers aside, it’s a weird concept to go outside of the safe boundaries of his own home with Hyunjin. He’s only ever seen him here, in his house. Going somewhere with him would feel like overstepping into a territory that he shouldn’t even entertain. It’s a bad idea, definitely a bad idea.

He finds himself hopping onto the back carrier of Hyunjin’s bike a mere five minutes later.

“Make sure you sit on your tailbone,” Hyunjin looks over his shoulder, “or else you’re gonna hurt your balls.”

Changbin laughs at that, but he moves his butt regardless. He hasn’t done this in years. The last time he sat on the back of his mom’s bike was when he was eight and she took him to the flower market. But he remembers how to balance himself with his legs on one side, flexing his stomach to make sure he doesn’t fall backward. 

But Hyunjin doesn’t bike like his mom did, is what he finds out all too soon. Hyunjin puts his foot on the pedal and puts all his weight into it, taking off quickly. Changbin’s body jerks and his balance is off, so he does what his instinct tells him to, and wraps his arms around Hyunjin’s waist.

Hyunjin’s skin is damp under his shirt, Changbin can feel it from the way the fabric sticks to his skin, can feel the heat of his body through the thin silk. Hyunjin rides down the hill recklessly, rounding the corners in between the mansions and villas with an air of nonchalance that is rare to be found in this neighborhood.

The breeze is a welcome one against his arms, cooling him down a bit. Changbin is scared, for multiple reasons, so he rests his forehead against Hyunjin’s back, hiding from the world. When Hyunjin giggles, he doesn’t only hear it, but he feels it too. 

Hyunjin insists on paying for him, so Changbin lets him. Somehow he finds it hard to argue with the other. Hyunjin also insists on walking back with him up the hill, bike in one hand and melon popsicle in the other. Even though they’re technically finished for the day, Changbin doesn’t argue this either.

The sun burns his scalp through his hair, and he realizes he should really go outside more. It’s lovely, on a day like this. The rain season hasn’t started yet, so the air isn’t suffocating. It’s just dry, unhindered heat. Leaves rustle overhead, and the breeze carries the sound of cicadas crying. It sounds more like screaming at this time of the year, and Changbin loves it.

“Did you know,” Hyunjin catches a drop of melted popsicle with his mouth, sucking it off his wrist where it trickled down, “that some cicadas stay in the ground for fifteen years?”

Changbin takes a bite of his ice cream, looking up to the trees to find the source of the cries. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, and then they come up, mate for three weeks, and die.” Hyunjin sucks on the popsicle, the sound louder than the cicadas. Changbin forces himself not to look. 

He doesn’t have to wonder what that would feel like, being submerged under the ground, waiting for that day when you can finally come out, break free. No, he has a feeling that he’s quite familiar with the sensation. He knows waiting, he knows it all too well. 

Changbin wishes he could crawl out of the dirt soon and scream like the cicadas do. 

☼

“You’ve been working for three weeks straight, and this is all you got?” Seungmin lifts his finger off of his glass of whiskey, pointing at the block of marble in front of him. “I’ve never seen you work this slow.”

Changbin downs his last sip of whiskey and puts his glass down on the floor next to where he’s sitting, his back leaning against the dog gate. He gets another strip of dried meat from his pocket, tears off a piece, and throws it over his shoulder into the other room. Rocky chases it and slobbers all over the floor as his crooked front teeth try to pick it up. 

“I have two and a half months, right?” Changbin takes a bite for himself, jaw aching at the tough meat. 

Seungmin shrugs, and then, “Well, at least you’re keeping Hyunjin busy.”

Changbin stops chewing. “What do you mean by that?”

Seungmin swirls the drink in his glass, bringing it back to life. “Summer is always a bit… tough for him. Bad memories and stuff like that.”

Changbin wants to ask more, wants to pry, but the dog gate slips from between the doorpost behind him and he falls backward, landing with his head on the ground. He’s dizzy, but not from the blow. No, the whiskey is chasing through his veins, making him feel more than he should.

If summer is so bad, then why is Hyunjin always smiling?

☼

“Why me?”

A silence falls after the question, the only sound in the room being the loud whirring of the AC. Changbin drops his arms, muscles like jelly from having strained them too long. His chisel weighs heavy in his hand suddenly.

Hyunjin sits with his back facing him, and he’s grateful that he doesn’t have to look him in the eyes as he tries to formulate a satisfying answer. 

Today is the day that Changbin is trying to etch some similar shape to Hyunjin’s back into the marble. It’s proving to be quite hard, since Hyunjin is blessed with strong, pronounced muscles. Changbin tries to name them all as he tries to replicate them on his rock. The only thing distracting him from time to time is the discovery of another mole, right between Hyunjin’s shoulderblades.

Changbin doesn’t know how to tell Hyunjin that he’s the most beautiful person he has ever laid his eyes on.

“Just because,” Changbin picks his tools back up again, keeping his hands busy, “because you’re perfect for this.”

Hyunjin looks over his shoulder, breaking his pose a bit to ask, “Is that your way of telling me I’m hot?” 

Changbin laughs nervously. Then, he raises his chisel, pointing it at Hyunjin as a false threat. “Your words, not mine.”

Hyunjin turns his back on him again, face hidden from view. For a long moment, Changbin thinks the other is going to drop it, not mention it again. But finally, after a couple of minutes, Hyunjin is the one to break the silence again.

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re very attractive too.”

Changbin doesn’t know if it’s him, or if it’s Hyunjin, but something shifts in that moment. Nothing physical, nothing that can be seen with the naked eye, but it has happened and there’s no way to turn it back.

☼

He’s doing it on purpose.

And worst of all, Changbin is allowing it.

Today, it’s finally time for his legs. Changbin has been dreading the moment Hyunjin finally takes his trousers off, but the day has come. He can’t stall any longer, can’t run away from his fears anymore.

He is supposed to be the one doing the studying, supposed to be the one carefully looking at every detail. But instead, Hyunjin is the one looking at him. Changbin does whatever he can do to avoid eye contact with him, but he can feel his gaze, can feel it burn on his skin. 

It’s like Hyunjin is daring him, challenging him.

Look at me.

Look at all of me.

Look at me and enjoy it.

Changbin thinks that if it were anyone else, he could’ve easily ignored it. Maybe even be annoyed by it, call the other person out. But this? It’s exciting, thrilling even. And terrifying.

He can’t give it a name, not yet, but there’s no reason not to carefully explore this feeling. 

His eyes slide over Hyunjin’s legs and try to memorize the way they look. There’s another mole, on the inside of his left thigh, where his tight boxers end. Changbin can see the exact spot where his hairs stopped growing from his skin being chafed on his daily bike rides. There’s a scar right under his knee that he wants to know the origins of, but he’s too afraid to ask.

Changbin wonders what it would feel like to touch those legs. Instead, his hands caress the cold marble.

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything this time, doesn’t tease him. But he knows, Changbin can tell. There has been an unspoken realization between them. I see you, and you see me. Changbin feels like he’s playing with fire; scared but excited.

That night, he watches the sunset as Rocky digs another hole in the lawn. 

The tracks of the sliding doors dig into his butt, reminding him of the back of Hyunjin’s bike. He sits with his feet in the damp grass, grounding himself. When he closes his eyes, he can hear the cicadas cry in the trees downhill. 

There’s a thud next to him, and when he opens his eyes he sees that an orange fell out of one of his citrus trees. He picks it up and studies it. It’s a decent size, bright in color, and looks as ripe as it could ever get. Ready to be eaten.

Sticky juice drips onto his hands and all the way down his forearms as he peels the fruit. When he finally takes a bite out of it, it’s the sweetest he’s ever had.

☼

“Is this why your arms are so strong?” Hyunjin asks as he slides his belt through the loops of his pants and fastens it.

“Huh?” Changbin pauses his hand, sandpaper that was wrapped around his fingers slowly unfolding. 

“Well,” Hyunjin comes closer, so close that Changbin turns his back on him again, too shy to look at him directly, “this must be one hell of an exercise. Your arms look like they’re straining.”

Changbin doesn’t know what to say, because he’s never thought of it like that. He works out his arms a lot in his spare time because he sees them as part of his tools. But he would never see his job as part of that exercise, since it actually energizes him instead of–

Hyunjin puts his chin on Changbin’s shoulder as he looks at the marble in front of them.

“Is this okay?” he asks with a whisper, breath hot against Changbin’s neck.

Changbin nods and it’s enough permission for Hyunjin to take a step closer, pressing his chest against Changbin’s back. It’s then that he realizes that the man behind him hasn’t put on his shirt yet. His skin feels hot against his back, making him sweaty despite the AC.

It scratches an itch that he didn’t even know he had. Changbin leans back, bringing them even closer than before and shuts his eyes. He lets out a big sigh, and it’s like it comes from the deepest part of his soul. He relaxes into the touch, into Hyunjin’s heat. It feels like an embrace, even though it’s not. But it makes him feel safe and comfortable. He feels cherished.

He wishes this moment would never pass, but Hyunjin has to leave eventually. Changbin feels dazed as he waves at Hyunjin while watching him go, and he feels dazed later that night too. And for the rest of the weekend.

There are two whole days without Hyunjin. Two whole days of just him and his thoughts. 

Miss Kim comes over to drag him out of his bed and make him eat his meals. Changbin eats all of it, even goes for a second plate of food, but he’s still starving. Eventually, he realizes he’s not starving for food. He’s starving for touch. 

He knows something has shifted between them, knows that Hyunjin is aware of his– of his attraction to him. But Changbin doesn’t think he could bring himself to say anything of this out loud, or to ask for anything. He doesn’t know how this works, doesn’t have any experience to compare it to. So all he can do is wait for Hyunjin to take the initiative. 

Monday can’t come soon enough.

☼

“We should’ve taken the bike.” Hyunjin stops to look at the sky where dark clouds are gathering quickly.

Changbin looks up with him as he takes another bite of his ice cream bar, chocolate crackling under his teeth. Even the cicadas have fallen silent now, which means the clouds won’t just blow over. 

There’s a flash and then rumbling in the distance. Within seconds the first drops come falling down, leaving dark spots on the hot concrete. 

They share a look, and then suddenly they’re running.

Heaven rains down on them, drenching their clothes instantly. Changbin loses his ice cream somewhere along the way, and so does Hyunjin, but it’s okay because they’re almost home. Changbin is breathless, and he doesn’t know if it’s because he’s running up the hill or because he can’t stop laughing.

Hyunjin laughs along with him, his giggles coming out like hiccups, unstoppable. It’s infectious, and Changbin just can’t get enough of the sound. Hyunjin runs faster than him, but Changbin chases after him, trying to catch up. The other almost trips over his feet as he looks over his shoulder, and this only makes him laugh even more.

By the time they get to his front door, Changbin feels so giddy and happy. His clothes are wet and he fumbles with his keys which slip through his even wetter hands. Hyunjin’s body is pressed against his back, water from his bangs dripping onto his shoulder. 

When Changbin shuts the door behind him, Hyunjin is already kissing him.

The back of his head hits the door from the sheer force of it, but Changbin just laughs against his lips, still lost in that careless and wonderful feeling. Hyunjin is eager and he likes that, he likes that a lot. It makes him feel wanted.

He sighs into Hyunjin’s mouth and tries to kiss him back as best as he can. But he has to let Hyunjin lead the way, because he has no idea what he’s doing. Hyunjin’s hands find his face and cradle it, so gently. Changbin can still taste the strawberry popsicle from earlier on the other’s lips. 

Changbin’s heart is beating way too fast to be healthy. It rumbles in his chest, just like thunder rumbling in the sky outside. But he’s not the only one. He can feel Hyunjin’s fingers tremble against his cheeks, and he bets it’s not from feeling cold.

Despite his obvious nerves, Hyunjin deepens the kiss, slowly. Changbin thinks his clothes will dry easily now, with the way his body feels hot all over. Hell, there must be steam coming off of him now. Changbin lets him in, eagerly. He thinks at this point he’d let Hyunjin do anything to him.

He just doesn’t want it to end, doesn’t want the awkwardness that will probably follow after. Changbin has no clue how to talk about these things, or where they’d even go from here. Or how they’d handle their professional relationship after this, because that’s what this originally was. He just doesn’t want Hyunjin to pull away, but eventually, he does. 

Hyunjin looks down, and for a second Changbin is worried, but then he follows his gaze to the ground between them and finds Rocky pulling at Hyunjin’s shoelaces. 

They don’t talk about it, don’t even mention it once as Hyunjin dries his hair with a towel. No words of the kiss are spoken and before long, Hyunjin is on his way home.

Changbin likes it this way. He needs time to think, time to process it. And Hyunjin seems to just naturally understand that, without having to ask any questions. Changbin wouldn’t have any answers to those questions to begin with. He is still learning about himself, shaping himself like chiseling a person out of marble.

☼

Not asking any questions doesn’t mean that Hyunjin doesn’t try to entice him, get some kind of response. Actions are answers too, in a certain way.

It’s when Changbin is rasping away at the marble, trying to give it the perfect resemblance of Hyunjin’s anterior abs. The light is not working with him today, dark clouds passing in front of the sun every minute. And on top of that, Hyunjin still has to breathe, so his ribcage is moving constantly. He gets frustrated, and eventually groans loudly, tossing his rasp to the side.

“Something wrong?” Hyunjin asks, head cocked to the side.

“Yeah, I–” Changbin runs his fingers through his hair, getting it out of his face, “I just can’t get the depth right.” 

“Come here.” Hyunjin gestures for him to come closer, and Changbin does so instantly, as if Hyunjin has him on a hook and is reeling him in.

Hyunjin holds out his hand when he’s within reach, and without thinking, Changbin puts his own in his palm. His breath hitches when Hyunjin pulls him closer, and then flattens Changbin’s hand against the side of his stomach. “Feel it,” is all he says before letting go of his hand, giving him the opportunity to go at his own pace.

Changbin can feel his hand tremble against Hyunjin’s naked skin. It takes him a moment to gather some courage to move his hand, but only slightly. It’s soft, just like he’s been imagining for weeks now. He wants to feel all of it.

Hyunjin’s stomach gives when Changbin slides over it, abs not defined, concealed under a small layer of soft skin. But he can feel his abs flex when Changbin rubs a circle with his thumb next to his bellybutton, can feel the hidden strength in his body. 

Then, he moves his hand to what he was struggling with earlier. Hyunjin’s chest shakes a bit as Changbin’s fingers slide over his ribs. He must be ticklish, Changbin realizes, amused. Focused, he traces his anterior abs, feeling how they dip, how they move with each breath. Changbin’s touch leaves goosebumps in its tracks and he notices Hyunjin is breathing a bit faster.

Hyunjin’s eyes never leave his face, studying Changbin’s reactions to what he’s feeling under his hand.

Changbin didn’t know a man could feel this good, didn’t know that touching a man could excite him so much. It feels like he’s touching another human for the first time, learning something new every step of the way. It’s scary, and definitely against everything he’s been taught all of his life, but more than that, it’s exhilarating.

His hand slides further up Hyunjin’s side, daring. The other doesn’t stop him, so he continues, mapping out as much of him as he can, documenting it into his memory. He finds the little mole, the one that intrigued him so much. It’s right there, next to his nipple, and Changbin just can’t stop himself from touching it, rubbing against it with his thumb. 

Hyunjin’s nipple hardens at the touch, and at the same time, he sighs contently.

Suddenly, it’s all too much. 

Changbin takes a step back, feeling way too overwhelmed. There are too many things going on in his body, his heart beating too fast and his breaths coming in short. An apology is on his lips, but Hyunjin speaks up first.

“It’s okay,” he says, and his smile tells him that he genuinely understands. And then, he adds, “We have all summer, don’t we?”

That night, Changbin works until the moon is high in the sky. With renewed passion, he manages to finally finish Hyunjin’s torso. From memory alone, he mimics the exact way his ribs look, the way his pecs ascend, and after sanding for hours he even gets the softness of his stomach just right. 

Changbin closes his eyes and runs his hand over the torso to check if it truly is similar enough. It feels almost as soft as Hyunjin’s skin, which means he sanded well. The only differences are that it’s cold and that he can’t feel the chest rise and fall. So he lets his mind wander, take him back to earlier that day. 

It’s shameful, but his body reacts almost instantly. But now, he doesn’t have to hold back, doesn’t have to step away to prevent embarrassment. He knows it’s wrong and disgusting, but he palms himself through his pants. It’s terrifying how quickly he’s on the edge, terrifying how much power Hyunjin has over him.

It’s with the memory of his hand on Hyunjin’s chest, and the way he made him sigh, that Changbin comes inside his underwear, embarrassingly fast. 

With a groan, he sinks down onto his knees, suddenly exhausted. It’s like years and years of pent up arousal just came out of him. And somehow, he believes there’s even more where that came from.

He can’t wait to explore it all.

☼

This time it’s not the gravel shifting under the tires that alerts him of Hyunjin’s arrival, but instead, it’s a high-pitched barking sound. Changbin runs to the kitchen window just in time to watch Hyunjin lift a small dog out of the basket on the front of the bike. The dog runs around nervously, and immediately lifts his leg to piss against the garage door. 

“I told you he pees when he’s nervous,” Hyunjin says as he comes inside, kicking off his shoes.

“That’s okay, the rain will wash it away.” The dog comes in, sniffs Changbin’s foot, and then runs into the house, nails tapping against the floor. “Kkami, right?” 

Within seconds, Kkami comes running back with his tail between his legs, chased by a very eager Rocky who just wants to play. The smaller dog snaps at him, baring his little teeth. It’s hilarious to look at, something so small thinking he can fight a dog three times his size. But it works, because Rocky whines and backs off.

Quickly, they find out that they can’t work with the dogs running around the house. Hyunjin is too fidgety, wanting to get up and check on his dog every time he hears a noise. And Changbin just loses more focus with every bark.

But he doesn’t want Hyunjin to leave, not just yet, so he comes up with a brilliant idea. “Wanna have a picnic in the yard?”

“Yes!” Hyunjin looks as relieved as he is excited. 

It’s a good day to be outside. Sunny, with the occasional cloud, and a slight breeze to keep them from fainting in the heat. Changbin brought out one of Rocky’s blankets to sit on, because he doesn’t have anything else. He obviously never goes on a picnic. The ground is still a bit damp from a short rainstorm the night before, and it seeps through the blanket and wets his ass, but that’s alright. He’s having so much fun.

“You have enough liquor to drown an army,” Hyunjin says as he slowly steps over the threshold and into the yard, careful not to drop all the drinks and glasses he’s holding.

“You done shopping in my fridge?” Changbin jokes, eyeing Hyunjin’s haul. Apparently he found the untouched bottle of Jack that Changbin had been hiding in a cupboard, some Coke cans, glasses, and a jar of pickles. Lord knows what those are for.

“There’s literally no food in your fridge.” Hyunjin pours them both two fingers of Jack, and empties half a Coke in his glass, which Changbin passes on. He likes to drink it straight.

“My housekeeper is coming over with groceries tomorrow,” he says, and Hyunjin raises his eyebrows at him before taking a sip of his drink. His face scrunches up at the taste, and for a second it looks like he’s going to spit it back into the glass, but eventually, he swallows.

“I was gonna call you a manchild, but,” Hyunjin’s voice is hoarse from the liquor, “look at me.”

The dogs seem better behaved now that they’re outside. Rocky is digging another hole, because he won’t rest until the entire lawn is fucked up, and Kkami is making sure he’s peed against every single bump and stick in the yard. It’s nice, just sitting here and watching them play, as they slowly get drunk.

They order some food, and Changbin is surprised to find out that Hyunjin is vegetarian. Hyunjin bullies him for acting like he’s never met a vegetarian before, and Changbin just tries some of Hyunjin’s fake chicken fingers. It’s actually really delicious, but that might also be because Changbin washes them down with another shot of whiskey. 

The liquor goes to his head, but not before it does to Hyunjin’s. His friend is on his back, hands folded behind his head and cheeks flushed as he watches the clouds pass by. Somehow, Hyunjin looks even more beautiful when he’s outside, like the sun enhances his charm. Changbin watches him heave a content sigh, lips parted. Changbin can’t stop looking at his lips.

“Can’t believe we’re already halfway through summer,” Hyunjin finally says.

Changbin hums, and then he remembers. He screws the cap off the bottle of Jack and takes a large swig. It warms his chest and makes his head float, so he can finally say, “Seungmin said you don’t like summer.”

It’s not a question, just a statement, but Changbin still hopes he gets an answer. He feels like it’s a deciding moment. Will Hyunjin let him in, or not?

He waits, but there’s nothing but silence. At the back of the yard, Rocky kicks some dirt into Kkami’s face as he digs. The other dog just bites at Rocky’s hind legs, trying to get his attention. 

“First year of university,” Hyunjin finally speaks, an arm thrown over his face to hide his expression, “I got fucked over by someone. Guess it’s what people call heartbreak.”

Changbin doesn’t know what to say to that, but he doesn’t have to say anything, because Hyunjin continues.

“We had the best summer together, and then I found out about his family.” Hyunjin scratches at his neck like there’s something there. “Wife and two kids, the oldest was my age.” 

“I’m sorry,” Changbin says, pulling a loose string from his shirt.

“It’s okay.” Hyunjin smiles to himself then. The smile is subtle, but it’s there. “I’m rewriting my associations as we speak.”

The alcohol in his body makes it hard for Changbin to process those words, but when he does he just lets out a big sigh. Relieved, happy, whatever. Everything is good. 

He leans down and pulls Hyunjin’s hand away, to stop him from picking at his face. Then, a little unsure, but fueled by liquid courage, he presses a quick and chaste kiss high on Hyunjin’s cheek, right onto the mole under his eye. Hyunjin’s lashes flutter against his lips, tickling him and making him smile.

When Changbin tries to pull away, Hyunjin doesn’t let him, catching the back of his head with his hand, holding him close. “Thank you,” he whispers, and Changbin doesn’t know what Hyunjin is thanking him for. But he doesn’t get to ask, because before he can, Hyunjin is kissing him.

☼

Changbin sorts his tools in order of size, all laid out on his work table. He hasn’t decided yet if he wants the rasps on the side, or mixed between the chisels. He figures he uses them interchangeably, so he should maybe not put them to the side. But what about the saws? Where does he put the saws? Surely, he should–

“I’m ready,” Hyunjin’s voice pulls him from his nervous thoughts.

He makes sure not to look at the other as he grabs the tools he needs and gets behind the block of marble. His fingers tingle with anxiety, shaking with cold sweat coating them. For a second, he rests his forehead against the marble, the cold stone grounding him, calming him down. He can do this. It’s no big deal. It’s nothing. 

When he looks up, Hyunjin looks utterly relaxed. He’s in the usual pose, sitting casually on the stool while leaning back on his hands, head thrown back as the sun shines down on his completely naked body. 

Changbin has always made an effort to not look at male nudity, which was why he was so conflicted when he took on this commission. It terrified him, made his body feel things he knew he wasn’t supposed to feel. But now… he’s ready to look. Nothing more than that, though. Just looking, while carefully expanding the boundaries of what he’s comfortable with.

And looking, he does. 

It’s no surprise that Hyunjin is even beautiful in that part of his body. Changbin is grateful that Hyunjin’s eyes are closed, so that he can’t see the way he’s staring at him, studying him. And luckily, Changbin has a good excuse to study him like this, because he has to start chipping away at the marble now to mimic Hyunjin’s– Hyunjin’s–

Changbin sighs at his own prudishness and gets to work, slowly etching Hyunjin’s shape into the stone.

It’s easier like this, looking at him like he’s something to study, and not like he’s the object of his desire. That way he can just observe the way Hyunjin’s flaccid cock rests on his balls like there’s a weight to it. Hyunjin is well endowed, almost enough to make Changbin feel humbled, but he thinks that it fits with the rest of his body.

Changbin’s eyes trace over his cock, watching the faint outline of a vein under the thin skin. He follows it up to where it disappears under Hyunjin’s neatly trimmed pubic hair. It resurfaces next to his hip bone, and then fades under the soft skin of Hyunjin’s stomach. Changbin wants to run his fingers over it, wants to feel his heartbeat thrum under his touch. 

His body betrays him. It’s just impossible to look at him without reacting in any type of way. Changbin tries to will it away, to think of anything but the memory of touching Hyunjin, but his mind provides him with too much. And with Hyunjin right in front of him like this, he just can’t think of anything other than how much he wants to feel him, feel him in every way possible.

Changbin feels himself grow hard, but strangely enough, he’s not the only one.

It happens slowly, so slow that he almost doesn’t notice it at first. But he can see Hyunjin’s foreskin crawl back, and how his cock leans a bit to the right, a slight curve to it as it fills out. It’s no longer resting on his balls. Instead, it lays heavy against the softness of his thigh, twitching as it continues to harden.

“Your eyes,” Hyunjin says, voice thick, “I can feel your eyes on me. I can’t stop it.”

Changbin opens his mouth to speak, but he’s speechless. He knows this is inappropriate, not something that should happen on the job, but they’re way past that pretense, right? But that doesn’t mean that he knows what to do. He wants nothing more than to walk over there and just touch Hyunjin, make him fall apart. But he’s frozen, embarrassed of his own inexperience and more than that, he doesn’t know how to give in to these feelings right now. Not just yet.

So he says, “You can take care of it.”

Hyunjin finally opens his eyes, looking at him through his lashes. He wets his lips, and asks, “Right here?”

Changbin thinks he’s about to break his own hand with the way he tightens his grip around the chisel he’s holding. He looks down at his whitened knuckles, and then at the embarrassing bulge at the front of his pants. Thinking is hard right now. So he lets his body decide and says, “Yeah, go ahead.”

Hyunjin lets go of a relieved sigh. Then, he lifts his right hand to wrap it around himself. He’s impatient, and Changbin takes note of that, registering it into his memory. Hyunjin’s fingers look pretty around his cock, and Changbin wishes he could immortalize this picture instead, make it into a statue so it never disappears. His fingers carefully pull his foreskin back completely, revealing the shiny head, covered in wetness.

Changbin’s mouth falls open unwillingly as he watches Hyunjin circle his cockhead with his thumb, spreading his slick all around, making the glide easier for when he finally tightens his fist around it and starts pleasuring himself. 

Hyunjin sighs again, and the sound ends in a moan. Changbin has to pull his eyes up to catch the way his chest rises and falls so quickly, and the way he has his eyes closed and head thrown back, lips parted as he breathes through his mouth. Changbin stuffs his chisel in his back pocket, because he just can’t hold on to it anymore. He feels too weak.

There’s another moan, this time louder. It sounds so pretty, and Changbin wants to hear more of it. And he will, because Hyunjin speeds up his movements, hips twitching and abs flexing with each pull at his cock. Hyunjin opens his eyes to look down at himself, lips still parted and his brows furrowed as he watches his cockhead disappear inside his hand with each stroke. 

Changbin leans against the half-finished statue, breathing even faster than Hyunjin is. The sight before him is so beautiful, so… erotic. It’s absolutely scandalous and he can’t stop watching. Hyunjin licks his lips again and then bites the bottom one. Changbin sees the way his teeth dig into his plush, soft lip, and all he can think of is what it would be like to kiss Hyunjin as he’s falling apart.

Hyunjin whines, the sound high in his throat, and then he asks, “Are you looking?”

Changbin doesn’t know how to answer. His body is shivering and his hands and feet feel numb. It’s like all of his awareness has gone to the center of his body, where he’s twitching and leaking inside of his underwear pathetically.

“Changbin–” Oh, how beautiful it sounds to hear Hyunjin say his name in between moans. “I need to know if you’re looking at me properly.”

This time it’s Changbin who moans. He puts his hand over his mouth instantly, ashamed. But Hyunjin’s body seems to react to the sound, his hand speeding up as his chest shakes, chasing oxygen. So, finally, Changbin finds his voice. “Yes. Yes, I’m looking. I’m looking,” he says, almost like a prayer.

Hyunjin comes with a cry, the sound bouncing off the glass walls. He strokes himself through it, hips jerking and threatening to slip off the stool as he comes all over his hands. Changbin watches him, mesmerized and intrigued at seeing someone else’s… seed spill out like that. 

The vein he was looking at earlier is more prominent now, meandering on the side of Hyunjin’s cock as he lets go of it, letting its glossy head stick to the skin of his stomach. It’s beautiful like this; flushed, spent, raw and tender.

Nothing could’ve prepared Changbin for the sight of Hyunjin lifting his sullied hand to his mouth and licking himself clean. Changbin’s mouth waters as he watches Hyunjin’s tongue dart out, tracing the remnants of his pleasure. Hyunjin’s eyes are on Changbin as he sucks the last finger into his mouth, challenging him. 

Then, when he’s all clean, he puts his hand back on the stool, returning to his usual pose. There’s a cheeky glint to his eyes, and Changbin can tell that he’s trying to hold back a smile when he says, 

“You can get back to work now.”

☼

“You gotta pump it like this. Squeeze it real good, yeah? Make sure to get everything out.” 

“Sure,” Changbin says, as he looks over Chan’s shoulder as he squeezes the… siphon pump thingy to get the fuel and oil mixture out of the tank. Changbin doesn’t understand anything about his own motorcycle and how it works. All he knows is that he wants to take it for a ride soon. 

Chan changes the oil for him and fills up the tank with the jerrycan of fuel he brought. Then, he takes the bike out into the sun and kickstarts it, letting it run idle for a bit as it stands in the gravel. “You shouldn’t let it waste away like that. Next time you neglect it for that long, it won’t start, trust me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Changbin slaps Chan’s shoulder a couple of times. “Thanks, dude.”

He met Chan when he was nineteen. They were assigned to share a bunk bed on their first day in the military. Changbin begged him to give him the bottom bed, and Chan gave in easily, saying he doesn’t sleep anyway. Chan was the only thing that kept him grounded while he was there. He was his rock.

They don’t see each other often, but when they do, it’s nice. Chan makes Changbin feel normal.

“So,” Chan punches him in the arm, “is there finally a girl you wanna impress?”

Changbin folds his arms in front of him and shrugs. Then, he says, “Kind of? Maybe?”

Chan doesn’t get to react to that, because the front door swings open. Miss Kim sticks out her head, pointing her finger at them. “Chan, you’re not leaving before you fix the window!”

“Only if you let me stay for dinner,” Chan calls back, as if that’s her decision to make.

Changbin turns off the motorcycle by himself and rolls it back into the garage. Despite it having been over a year since he last rode it, it still feels familiar under his hands.

He can’t wait to get back on it again.

☼

Hyunjin sighs dramatically as he walks through the gates, forehead sweaty and cheeks red. Changbin is already waiting for him outside, a big grin on his face.

“Tell me why you asked me to wear long sleeves today,” Hyunjin drops his bike into the gravel and starts fanning at his armpits where the fabric of his shirt has turned dark from being wet, “And long pants too. You’re evil.”

“For safety reasons.” Hyunjin raises an eyebrow at that, but Changbin just gestures for him to follow. With a click of a button, the garage door opens. “I’m taking you on a trip.”

“On a forklift?” Hyunjin is frowning. He heaves another big sigh, combing the wet hair out of his face.

“Yes,” Changbin says. He can only stay serious for one second though, because Hyunjin’s annoyed face cracks him up. Then, he points at his motorcycle, where it sits in the shadows of the garage. 

Hyunjin gasps, balling his hands up in fists and waving them around mid-air, clearly excited. After that, Changbin quickly finds out just how cute the other looks in a helmet, cheeks all squished together and hair sticking out in his neck. He thinks it’s a shame that he won’t be able to look at him during their drive. 

Despite all of his instructions, Hyunjin still yelps as Changbin twists his wrist on the gas, sending them off. His arms tighten around Changbin’s waist, holding on for dear life. Changbin thinks it’s funny because only weeks earlier he was the one in that position. The only difference is that now they’re going at least five times as fast, zooming down the streets.

It’s only a short drive on the highway, but it’s enough to cool them down. The wind is wonderful, chasing through their damp clothes, and blowing all of their thoughts away. Then, Changbin gets off the highway and onto the small road that leads to the mountain. 

Hyunjin seems to perk up at this, since Changbin didn’t tell him where they were going. With their speed slowing down, Hyunjin looks over his shoulder, trying to see more. Changbin takes them onto an even smaller road, one that winds up the mountain, climbing higher and higher.

The foliage is thicker here, trees everywhere, casting a nice shadow on them. Even through his helmet, Changbin can hear the cicadas cry all around them, like a choir. He has to dig in his memory to remember where to go off the road, but then he sees the familiar fallen tree, next to a bush of wild berries. 

He parks his bike behind the bush, knowing no one will steal it either way since this place is quite deserted apart from the occasional jogger. Hyunjin takes off his helmet, and Changbin just has to laugh at the sight of him. His face is all sweaty and red, with his hair flattened on top, while it’s wavy in his neck from being damp. Changbin gathers he himself probably doesn’t look that much better, because Hyunjin smiles at him endearingly. 

Changbin cusses as he almost slips as he climbs over the fallen tree, but Hyunjin grabs him by the back of his shirt, catching him just in time. Hyunjin gets one of the water bottles he brought out of his backpack, and they share it. By the time they get to where they’re going, it’s already empty.

The trees open up to a little clearing, right on the edge of the mountain, giving them a proper view of their city. Changbin kicks off his shoes and lets his feet cool down in the grass as he watches the clouds cast shadows on the houses in the distance as they drift by. The sound of the cicadas is deafening and wonderful.

“Wow,” Hyunjin says, and it sums it up quite well. 

“Was here with my family once,” Changbin explains, “the dog we had back then ran off. I chased him and found this place. And, yeah, it’s beautiful.”

“It is,” Hyunjin agrees, taking off his shoes as well and dropping himself onto the grass, sitting with his legs crossed. 

Changbin follows him down, sitting next to him. Time passes as they just enjoy the view in silence. Changbin keeps his hands busy by pulling blades of grass out of the ground while simply listening to Hyunjin breathe. It’s so peaceful, so calming. Enough for him to finally break the silence.

“I’ve never been with a man,” he says, softly. 

Hyunjin is quiet for a moment. Then, he reaches over to put his hand on Changbin’s knee, shaking it playfully until he almost loses his balance. “I guessed as much,” he jokes. His hand on Changbin’s knee slows, until he’s rubbing soothing circles into his skin through the fabric of his pants. “Thank you for telling me, though. Thank you for trusting me.”

“No,” Changbin starts, “thank you for–” he falls silent, at a loss for words. There are too many things that he wants to say. Instead, he lets out a long and dramatic groan as he lets himself drop to the side until his head is resting on Hyunjin’s shoulder.

“You’re welcome,” Hyunjin says, ending it with a giggle. He turns to press a kiss onto the top of Changbin’s head, exhaling a hot breath into his damp hair. It seems like he’s hesitating, a question on his lips. Finally, he asks, “Can I touch you?” 

Changbin freezes, but only for a moment. They’re far away from home, which should be a problem, but it actually makes it easier for him. Being away from his usual environment makes it seem less real, more like a dream. But above all of that, he wants it. He’s ready. 

So he just nods, and lets Hyunjin lift his face by his chin until he’s kissing him. It’s softer this time, more careful, like Hyunjin is paying extra attention to him, not wanting to miss any signs. Changbin is usually quick to arouse, the mere touch of Hyunjin’s lips enough to turn him on. 

But this time, Hyunjin is quicker than his body, running his fingers over the front of Changbin’s pants, where he’s still soft. It’s a new feeling, being touched by a hand that isn’t his own. It’s a bit ticklish at first, and just weird, until Hyunjin finds the right angle and starts rubbing at him.

He hisses against Hyunjin’s lips, breaking away from the kiss to look down at his hand. It comes as no surprise that he grows hard almost instantly, body overpowering his nerves. Hyunjin’s hand looks big on him, and skilled, like he knows what he’s doing. Changbin thinks that he likes that, to know that he’s in good hands. Literally. 

“Does it feel good?” Hyunjin asks to check in with him. “Do you want more, or is this enough?”

Changbin considers it, but the thought of Hyunjin seeing more of him, or him touching him directly without a barrier in between is still a bit scary. “This is enough,” is what he decides on, and then he adds, “Can I do you too?”

Hyunjin huffs a soft laugh. “Of course.”

Changbin’s fingers shake as he reaches over, mimicking the way Hyunjin did it. It’s exciting to find that Hyunjin is already hard, erection straining against the inside of his pants, knowing it’s because of him. Changbin’s mind provides him with the memory of what Hyunjin looks like naked, and a shiver runs through his body. 

It’s almost like he’s touching himself, because with every stroke of his hand, Hyunjin does the same, echoing his movements. Hyunjin’s body is hot, pressed against his side, and Changbin just leans in more, needing to feel him everywhere. Changbin’s hips want to lift off the ground, wanting to thrust up, and it’s making him restless. He feels so good and yet it’s not enough. 

“Come sit on me,” Hyunjin says, breathless, and Changbin does what he’s told instantly, scrambling to climb into the other’s lap.

The angle is different like this, and they have to awkwardly reach in between their bodies, but Changbin likes it more this way. He gets to decide the pace now, and he can move whenever he feels that urgent itch in his hips. 

Oh, and Hyunjin just looks like a dream under him. Lips parted as Changbin rubs at him, finding his cockhead through the outline in the fabric alone. Changbin tries to be gentle, but he’s so excited, so eager to make him come. Hyunjin seems to love it though, because he whines, the sound so sweet. 

Changbin wants to hear more of him. 

So he pushes him down, back against the grass. Hyunjin’s eyes widen in surprise, but then he smiles, pulling Changbin down for a kiss. Their teeth bump together from how eager they are, and the kiss is messy, but it only turns him on more. He reaches in between them to pull Hyunjin’s hand off of him. 

Without any obstacles, he is now free to rub their clothed erections together, and so he does.

Hyunjin moans into his mouth, the sound so cute and high-pitched, a rhythm to it, following each and every one of Changbin’s thrusts. The shrill sound of cicadas crying numbs his mind, and he can feel the way his shirt is slowly getting drenched in sweat. His arms are burning from holding himself up, fingers digging into the grass. But nothing of that matters, because all he can feel is Hyunjin.

When he comes, it hits him by surprise. Somehow he got so lost in the other’s pleasure, that he forgot about his own. His arms give up on him almost instantly as he twitches in his pants, coming inside his underwear. Hyunjin’s hips jerk, and the feeling of him rubbing against him is almost painful, but then the other also comes with a sigh.

Driving back with sticky, half-dried underwear should be excruciatingly uncomfortable. But instead, Changbin is wearing the biggest smile, all the way home. 

☼

The dreaded phone call comes eventually, but Changbin picks up either way.

“Is the statue coming along well?”

Changbin takes a sip from his tea, watching the rain fall through his kitchen window. Although a bit late, the rain season is in full force now, and it will probably last two more weeks. But time passes so quickly lately.

His fingers tighten around his phone. “Yes, all is well. It’ll be done by the date we agreed on.”

“August fifteenth, right?” the man asks on the other end of the line.

Less than a month from now.

Changbin takes another sip.

“Yes, August fifteenth.”

☼

“What did you do?” Changbin asks, standing with the AC remote in his hand as Hyunjin undresses himself.

“Oh, this?” Hyunjin looks down. “I waxed. So you can see me better.”

Changbin wants to say something, but he gets distracted by the remote. He clicks on a button, and then again, still no beep from the AC. It’s probably the batteries, so Changbin climbs on a chair to turn it on manually. Still nothing. Fuck.

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m naked,” Hyunjin jokes. 

And naked he is. Sweat beads at Changbin’s neck as he studies Hyunjin’s body for the thousandth time. No matter how many times he looks at him, Changbin just never gets bored. It feels like whenever he sees him, it’s like it’s the first time all over again. There are always more things to discover about his body, and old things to revisit, equally as beautiful.

But, what has changed is that Changbin’s stamina has gotten better. He can now work for a couple of hours before the sight of Hyunjin becomes too much for him. Usually, all he has to do is let out a sigh, and Hyunjin knows enough. These days they end up kissing most of the times, and sometimes even more than that when Changbin is feeling brave.

He’s feeling brave today. 

Without the AC on, the sunroom is like a greenhouse, trapping all the heat inside. Hyunjin is always quick to start sweating, and today it shows. His long hair sticks to his forehead, and drops slide down his sideburns, all the way to his chin where they eventually become too heavy and fall off.

There’s one drop that’s stubborn. Instead of falling, it rolls down Hyunjin’s neck, passing what Changbin has decided to be his favorite mole. As it slides down, it gathers more sweat, like a snowball. Changbin is hypnotized by it, watching it trickle down between his pecs. It’s as if time slows down, the drop crawling over Hyunjin’s stomach bit by bit, passing over each and every hill of his body.

Changbin swallows dryly as the drop gets to his crotch. The vein that he loves so much is visible now, he can trace it all the way since Hyunjin has waxed. The drop of sweat seems to love it too, since it follows it down, until it finally disappears between his thighs.

Changbin drops his rasp onto the tiled floor, startling Hyunjin. 

He crosses the distance between them. There are so many questions on his lips, but he can’t get the right ones out. All he can say is, “I need–”

Hyunjin nods, understanding, and giving him permission to do whatever he needs right now. Overwhelmed by his desires, Changbin drops to his knees in front of Hyunjin. His hands are white with dust, and they leave prints on Hyunjin’s thighs as he gently pushes his legs apart.

“Yes,” Hyunjin sighs the word when he realizes what Changbin is about to do.

Changbin has already imagined this moment multiple times, in every way possible, often in the middle of the night when it’s just him under the covers. But it doesn’t take away from his nerves, doesn’t make him shake any less as he leans down to kiss at the damp skin of the inside of Hyunjin’s thigh.

He needs to know what he tastes like, needs to taste part of the journey the drop of sweat he saw earlier traveled. So he pushes Hyunjin’s right leg more to the side, stretching him as far as he allows him. On the inside of his thigh, the furthest down he can go, where his sac begins, he licks a long stripe up until his hipbone. Hyunjin shivers under him as Changbin leaves goosebumps in his tracks.

The taste is salty, but good, wonderful even. He needs to taste more of him.

It’s no surprise that Hyunjin is already hard, cock laying heavy against the inside of his other thigh. Changbin has never been this close to him, not without any clothes intervening. He hesitates for the shortest moment, but then he presses a quick kiss to the side of Hyunjin’s cock. It twitches under his lips, so he just doesn’t stop.

His fingers dig into Hyunjin’s thighs, keeping him from slipping off the stool. Hyunjin is so twitchy and restless when he’s this turned on, leaking all over himself with excitement. Changbin can’t hold back any longer, feeling dizzy with lust. So he finally takes Hyunjin in his mouth, sucking him down with effort.

He looks up as he does it, needing some type of reaction to confirm that he’s not grossly fucking this up. But Hyunjin is looking down at him with hooded eyes, lips parted and wet bangs steadily dripping sweat onto his own chest. When Changbin takes him deeper into his mouth, pushing his tongue against the underside of his cockhead, Hyunjin’s eyes roll back.

Good. 

Hyunjin twitches under him every time he threatens to slip his mouth off his cock, and he whines every time Changbin swallows him down all the way. It’s so obvious now that he’s extra sensitive to this, way more affected than when he’s touching himself. Changbin lets his hands wander, sliding over Hyunjin’s skin, tracing that vein up his stomach, scratching his nails into his sides.

It’s so hot in the room, so damn hot, and Hyunjin is basically wet everywhere at this point, absolutely drenched. And somehow, it makes him smell so good, so Hyunjin. Changbin wants to drown in the scent, wants to register it so deep in his memory that he will never forget it, he wants to absorb all of it.

Hyunjin moves his hand and lays it on the top of Changbin’s head. Changbin thinks he knows what’s about to happen, because he’s seen it plenty of times in porn. Hyunjin is going to pull on his hair and push him down and come inside his mouth.

But it startles him when he does the exact opposite of that. Instead, Hyunjin just brushes his fingers through his hair, softly, lovingly. It’s so gentle, so sweet that it confuses Changbin. It’s so out of place with what he’s currently doing that he pulls off, letting Hyunjin’s heavy cock fall back onto his stomach.

Hyunjin takes himself in his hand, jerking himself off slowly. “Look what you did to me,” he says, rubbing his thumb into his slit, showing Changbin exactly how wet he is. It does something to him, makes him realize just how hard he is inside his underwear. But he doesn’t want to think about that right now. He needs to see Hyunjin fall apart.

“Can you make yourself come?” Changbin asks, voice hoarse. “Like you did last time.”

He doesn’t say that he thinks about that time every day, or that he’s been dreaming of seeing Hyunjin come up close. He also doesn’t tell him that he’s feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, and that he’d rather finish it like this. The thought of him coming down his throat is still a bit scary.

Hyunjin’s hand is still playing with Changbin’s hair, twisting strands around his finger until he flattens it out again, petting it. His other hand starts working himself, just the way Changbin now knows he likes it. Quick, impatient, gripping himself tight with short jerks.

Changbin watches him closely. This close he can see just how wet Hyunjin is, and how red his cockhead is with exertion. His sac is pulled taut, and shakes each time Hyunjin strokes himself. Another drop of sweat escapes Hyunjin’s hair, falling onto his lower stomach. Changbin reaches for it, touching it with his finger and sliding it down Hyunjin’s pubic bone and in between his thighs.

This time, Hyunjin comes with a shout.

Mesmerized, Changbin watches as he comes onto his stomach, painting his skin with his pleasure. He moves on instinct, peeling Hyunjin’s fingers off of himself to stroke him through the last waves of his orgasm. Hyunjin’s whole body twitches from overstimulation as he whines, almost folding into himself from sensitivity.

Changbin finally lets go of him, but not before running a finger through Hyunjin’s mess and unceremoniously sticking it into his mouth. The taste is sharp, and so different from what he imagined, but he doesn’t mind it. It’s Hyunjin’s after all. 

Hyunjin is still stroking his hair, looking at him with a lazy glow to his eyes, content. All Changbin has to do is reach down and touch himself through the front of his pants once, twice, and he’s coming inside his underwear. 

As Hyunjin is borrowing his shower, Changbin sits in between the open sliding doors, his feet in the grass. It’s raining, either again or still. The humid air sticks to his skin, making it feel dirty. He looks down at his hands and sees the traces of dust gathered on his cuticles.

Without hesitating, he steps into the rain, allowing it to soak him through and through.

For the first time in forever, he feels clean. 

☼

“Shit,” Changbin’s voice echoes off the bathroom walls.

He watches the blood run down his legs and mix with the shaving cream, tinting it pink. Feeling a bit squeamish, he wipes at it with his foot, trying to get it in the drain faster. The movement almost makes him slip, so he quickly catches himself on the handle of the shower stall, elegant as always.

Eventually, he ends up sitting on the edge of the tub, white towel pressed to his crotch to stop the little shaving cut from bleeding. When he pulls it away, there are only a few, tiny red dots on the fabric. He looks up at the tall, ceiling to floor mirror on the wall opposite of him. Now that the shower is turned off, steam is slowly clearing up and showing his reflection in the mirror.

He doesn’t often look at his own nakedness. It’s a stark contrast to the amount of time he spends on his face. Sheet masks, scrubs, moisturizers, just anything to make himself feel fresh and groomed. Anything to distract himself from the rest of his body.

It’s hard to look at it and see it as his own. Even more than that, it’s difficult to look at it and feel comfortable with it. He’s never seen himself as a sexual being, as someone deserving of experiencing lust. So seeing his body, naked, reminded him of the things he was missing out on. It made him uncomfortable, which was why he always wrapped his favorite robe around himself as soon as he left the shower. 

But he thinks he’s ready to face himself now, to properly look and see himself for what he is. He’s human, he’s valid, and he’s allowed to feel pleasure. He’s allowed to explore his sexuality and feel good about it. He deserves to be comfortable with himself, to be one with his body, have his mind align with the rest of him.

Changbin lets the towel drop to the floor and spreads his legs a little, looking at his reflection. His skin is raw from shaving it, and he’s sure that he’s done something wrong, but he’s not disgusted with what he’s seeing, just amused. He runs his fingers over his pubic bone, feeling all the bumps and all the stubble that he missed. It hurts a little bit, so he reaches behind himself to reach for the baby oil.

It feels good to rub it into his skin. It relieves some of the tightness of it, making it feel less like he sanded it, like he does with his marble downstairs. He sighs at the feeling, spreading a bit of the oil on the inside of his thighs as well, enjoying how soft he feels there. It reminds him of touching Hyunjin, because he feels even softer than he does.

Changbin can see his reflection grow hard in the mirror, and he just watches it happen, intrigued. He’s always done this under the covers, too ashamed of his lust, taught to not enable it. So it’s a little scary to watch himself wrap a hand around his cock, slowly stroking it to full hardness, spreading oil on his skin.

He studies his face as he pleasures himself, taking in what he looks like. It’s strange, but it doesn’t feel wrong. There’s actually something erotic about this, about watching himself. He runs a hand over his chest, imagining it’s Hyunjin’s, and then lets it travel over his stomach, slowly. The insides of his thighs is where he feels best, so that’s where he goes next, softly caressing the sensitive skin with one hand, as his other hand works his cock.

Unfortunately, he misses his climax, eyes squeezed shut with ecstasy. But he catches the end of it, wrenching his eyes open to watch the last of his seed dribble onto his lower stomach. Unable to stop himself, he runs his finger through it, sticking it into his mouth.

It’s a weird mix with the oil that was still on his hand, so his nose scrunches up immediately. He retreats his finger and sticks out his tongue, grossed out. It tastes so different from Hyunjin, which is unsurprising. He guesses he won’t try that again, but that’s alright. Experiments are sometimes supposed to fail.

He watches the way his cock softens in the mirror. It looks weird like this, and so he nudges it until it flops down to rest on his balls again. He laughs at the sight, feeling light and careless. 

He feels free.

☼

“How did you know?” Changbin stands in his hallway, mouth dropped in surprise.

“You’re on Wikipedia, silly,” Hyunjin balances the cake box in his hand as he walks in, kicking off his shoes. Rocky is jumping at his legs instantly, smelling the food. “No cake for you!” Hyunjin argues, holding the box even higher. “It’s not your birthday!”

It’s already evening, and they weren’t even supposed to meet today, given it’s a Sunday. But here Hyunjin is, a box with a bow around it in one hand, and his backpack in the other. He looks prettier than usual, almost like he dolled himself up a little. And that smell, he smells so nice, so much like himself. 

Changbin takes the box from him, ripping off the bow. It’s chocolate, his favorite. “Do you want a slice?” he asks.

Hyunjin is already walking to the kitchen, his presence taking up the whole space. “Do I? I haven’t eaten all day, I’m starving.”

“That’s not good.” Changbin frowns as he puts the box on the kitchen island, turning to grab some plates and forks. “Why?”

Hyunjin pulls out one of the bar stools and sits down. He has that small smile on his face, like he’s hiding something. “Just, because. ”

Changbin is confused. What’s with all the secrecy? Especially about something like that. He cuts himself a big slice, and an even bigger one for Hyunjin. The cake is perfect, moist and flavorful. Which is why he doesn’t actually choke to death when Hyunjin says the next thing.

“Because I thought it would be nice if you fucked me tonight.”

Changbin slaps his chest, trying to cough the cake out of his throat. It shoots out and he can breathe again, wiping at the tears in his eyes. He’s so confused. 

Hyunjin laughs at him, leaning over the counter to wipe a tear off his cheek. 

Then, Hyunjin explains everything to him, goes into every detail. He acts like it’s nothing, just eating his cake casually as he explains the ins and outs of anal sex to Changbin. However, Changbin’s mind boggles at it, and he tries to remember as much as he can. At one point though, when Hyunjin tells him the detailed process of cleaning out one’s bowels, he has to push his chocolate cake away.

“Lord,” Changbin sighs, pushing the balls of his hands into his eyes until he sees stars.

“Not that sexy, huh?” Hyunjin asks, and then he giggles at the groan Changbin lets out. 

“You did all of that? For me?” Changbin asks, his mind finally catching up with reality.

“I thought it would be nice, for your birthday, you know?” Hyunjin looks like he wants to say something else, but then he decides against it, closing his mouth. 

They end up leaving the cake half-eaten on the counter. 

It’s the first time he’s let anyone see his bedroom. Not even Miss Kim comes in here to change the sheets. It’s his own, private little paradise. Hyunjin doesn’t comment on the room though, doesn’t comment on anything as he drops his backpack next to the bed and pushes Changbin down on the sheets with a smile. 

Hyunjin giggles into his mouth as he kisses him, and it’s almost like the first time they kissed, giddy and full of joy. Changbin only feels a little scared, but more than that, he’s excited. Hyunjin’s hands run over his sides, across the inside of his thighs, behind his neck and through his hair. It’s like he’s everywhere and Changbin feels dizzy.

The dizziness increases when he finally slides into Hyunjin, the other’s heat tight around him. His arms tremble as he tries to hold himself up, both hands planted into the mattress on each side of Hyunjin’s head. Hyunjin just watches him, studies his face with patience as he runs his fingernails over Changbin’s arms, caressing him soothingly. 

Changbin knows he won’t last, knows that he’ll be coming into the condom embarrassingly fast. But Hyunjin makes him feel like that’s okay. He pulls him down into a heated kiss, sighing into his mouth as Changbin slowly fucks into him. Their bodies are coated in sweat, chests sticking together, pulling at their skin. 

It feels raw, passionate, primal even. But more than that, it just feels right. Like the answer to an unasked question, everything sliding into place. 

He watches Hyunjin sleep next to him, pressing the occasional soft kiss to the wrist that is sprawled next to Changbin’s face. Hours pass like this, and Changbin has to fight his exhaustion to stay awake and just watch him. He’s afraid he’ll miss something, and tries to memorize the way Hyunjin’s chest rises and falls, the way he smells, the heat of his body. Afraid that someday he’ll forget.

When he wakes, his bed is empty.

He finds Hyunjin in the sunroom. He has let Rocky in, and is feeding him treats one by one. Changbin doesn’t mind his dog being there, because the room is finally clean of dust. Hyunjin sits there, lost in thoughts as he looks at the statue in front of him.

“It’s finished,” he finally says when he hears Changbin come in.

“It is. I finished it on Saturday,” Changbin says, looking at his work. It’s beautiful, absolutely perfect. Somehow, he managed to capture Hyunjin’s beauty in the marble, each and every curve of it. Changbin thinks he will never make anything as good as this ever again.

Hyunjin just hums, and sits in silence.

Time passes as they both watch the statue. The air is heavy, and Changbin can feel it, can sense exactly where things are going. He just wishes he had one more minute, one more–

“You don’t have to pay me,” Hyunjin says as he finally stands.

Changbin nods, understanding. He can’t argue with Hyunjin anyway. His breathing picks up and he can feel his heart race, but he has to hold it together, just for a little longer. 

Hyunjin stops in front of him, a subtle frown on his face. Then, suddenly he leans down and presses a quick kiss to the side of Changbin’s mouth. He pulls back before Changbin can treasure it, fleeting.

“Thank you,” Hyunjin says quietly, “for gifting me summer.”

The gravel rustles under Hyunjin’s bike as he pushes it through the gate, riding off never to return again.

Changbin sits in silence, watching the statue in front of him. Just him and his thoughts. He doesn’t know how much time passes, but eventually, he gathers the courage to pull the phone from his pocket.

“I can’t sell you this statue,” he says, “I’m sorry.”

Changbin hangs up before he can get a response. He doesn’t care if his customer is angry or understanding, he doesn’t care about anything like that at all.

Tears are hot on his cheeks when he finally breaks. 

He sobs, chest shaking. It hurts, it hurts so much. But he knew it would happen, felt it in his gut since the first day of summer. He saw the natural end of things coming, like the end of a season. Like many things between them, it was an unspoken agreement, one that Changbin didn't even want to think about while he just enjoyed their time together. But he knew all along that it was never meant to be anything, anything more than it was. So he wipes at his tears, wanting them to stop already.

The statue is beautiful. It did not only capture Hyunjin’s grace, but Changbin also managed to engrave his feelings into the stone, managed to eternalize his adoration for the other man.

He smiles to himself as another tear spills from his eyes. Then, another one, and another, but it’s okay because these are happy tears. No matter how much it hurts, he will not take it back. Summer was beautiful and he will never forget it. 

Rocky nudges at his leg, pulling him from his thoughts with a whine, as if he understands what’s going on. Changbin takes one last look at the statue, and then wipes the tears from his cheeks. He gets up and slaps the folds out of his pants.

“Come on, boy, let’s go for a walk.”

He’s free now.

Free to finally start living his life.

☼