Chapter Text
dear my next step,
please take care of me.
20150706, tablo.
/
“so,” begins jackson, placing a hand on jinyoung’s shoulder as their manager closes the door to his car, “do you know what this meeting is going to be about?”
jinyoung fiddles with the edge of his blue overcoat, wishing that it was a little thicker. this year’s autumn was way too short, he thinks to himself, and he wishes that there had been more time to appreciate the soothing, warm atmosphere. the last two months since his birthday has been a blur.
“no idea,” he says instead of what he really thinks.
jackson nods, leaning back and placing his headphones in. he’s nervous. jackson always maintains a low level of chatter, especially if jinyoung is in the same car with him. for jackson to be keeping to himself, he’s either hiding something from jinyoung that he knows he’d immediately spill if he were to press the topic, or he’s nervous. since jinyoung hasn’t seen jackson in over two weeks, it has to be the latter.
“hyung,” jinyoung starts, catching his manager’s attention, “what is this meeting about?”
“well, it’s only for you, jinyoung-ah,” their manager says while making a right turn. “jackson, you’re going in because the creative director wants to talk to you about a possible new album.”
jackson’s face lightens up at the prospect of creating a new album entirely. jinyoung is glad for him. at their late-night dinners, jackson gets four drinks in him and suddenly, he’s morose about his credibility as an artist. jinyoung has spent way too many hours patting jackson’s back as the other chokes through tears and frustration, wondering why their director won’t give me a chance, jinyoung-ah, i can do it. i can be better.
he meets jackson’s eyes now, smiling at him widely. “this is great news,” he says, hushed. their manager is speaking on the phone, unable to hear them for now.
“if i really do get to write my own album,” jackson begins, gaze bright, “you know that you’ll be featured on it, right? there’s no way that i’m not dragging you along to sing at least one song.”
the consideration warms jinyoung. “i’m an actor, seunie. i don’t think i should necessarily be singing anything – “
“nonsense,” jackson scoffs. “you have a great voice.”
“well,” jinyoung clears his throat and looks back down at his lap. even if no one else believes him, at least jackson does, and that’s really all jinyoung needs. “let’s see what happens.”
stuck in the cycling excitement of a possible comeback for jackson, especially one that would be orchestrated by jackson himself, jinyoung doesn’t remind the other that he’ll be going off into a meeting on his own. the back of his neck feels warm the closer they get to the entertainment building. he’s been signed onto the company for nearly ten years now, active for six. jinyoung knows that his contract is about to end next year, and even if he wants to stay with jyp, there’s no guarantee that jyp would want to stick with him. and if he doesn’t have jyp, who else would want him? a singer-actor who has never had one successful song or comeback, who never had a hit show or movie? at this age, who would still take him?
he grows quiet and slightly sullen, staring out the window at the passing scenery. he recognizes when he gets closer to jyp by the familiar buildings that pass them by. it’s one of the quietest rides that jinyoung has ever been on, since jackson is still typing furiously on his phone.
jinyoung hides his face as jackson puts on a black mask and a baseball cap that they keep in the car. while not making headlines, jackson is still much more popular than jinyoung is, and more likely to get recognized and ambushed on the street. jinyoung heads inside first without their manager, standing at the side as jackson shows his id card and heads inside as well.
once he’s there, though, he takes his mask off immediately. their manager gently pushes jackson to toward the elevators. “go on,” he says encouragingly, “i texted you the room and who you’ll be meeting. we should be back within the hour, but it might run on longer. remember your diet if you want to eat anything, text me if there’s problems.”
“you got it, hyung,” jackson says, even though he’s looking at jinyoung while he says it. he gives a little wink, his way of telling jinyoung to calm down and not freak out, before heading toward the elevators.
their meeting is on the second floor, so they take the stairs. as jinyoung fiddles with the buttons of his coat and makes sure that he has all his possessions in his bag, he can’t help but ask, “what’s this meeting about, hyung?”
his manager is quiet for a while, unwilling to look at jinyoung, and something cold settles over him.
when they’re walking down the hallway, his manager finally sighs and turns to place a hand on his shoulder. “i – i honestly don’t know, jinyoung-ah. some of the directors and managers wanted to speak to you. i don’t think it’s anything bad, since you’re one of my least problematic people,” he says wryly. “but i honestly don’t know. maybe they want to give you another album.”
“but i haven’t come out with anything in three years,” jinyoung says, confused. “and – and if they were, why wouldn’t they ask me to see the creative director, like jackson – “
“it was just a guess,” manager hyung says, sighing. he reaches up to squeeze the bridge of his nose. “i really don’t know. but don’t panic, okay, jinyoung-ah? let’s go inside.”
jinyoung and his manager are the last to arrive, but no one seems to take it in bad faith. jinyoung chooses the least conspicuous seat out of the entire table, somewhere near the back but also in a corner, so he can’t be seen easily. there’s a couple of other people here, some of whom jinyoung recognizes – another guy that jinyoung’s manager surprisingly hugs and talks to fondly, a sharply dressed woman, and one of the PR directors.
“park jinyoung,” the director starts, smiling. “nice to meet you again. now that we’re all here, why don’t we get started?” at jinyoung’s quiet, tight nod, he smiles a little. “ah, jinyoung-ah, don’t worry so much. we have a proposition for you,” he adds at the end, turning to the man that manager hyung had been greeting. jinyoung’s eyes flit between the executives in front of him, wondering what they have in store for him.
/
the drive back is quiet. jackson opted to get dinner with the creative director and some of his seniors, which surprised neither jinyoung or their manager. jinyoung spots his manager shifting over to look at him from time to time, especially since jinyoung is sitting in the back seat. he won’t meet his eyes.
“i can’t tell if you’re upset or not,” his manager jokes. jinyoung presses his lips together further. a sigh. “jinyoung-ah, please, say something.”
“what can i say?” he snaps suddenly, blinking at the passing trees. “i’m not popular, so they’re going to throw me to a show where i have to pretend to be in love with someone else? play up how sad and lonely i am until i – “
“jinyoung,” his manager cuts in, a little stern. “you know that’s not what it is. there’s been a lot of popular stars that have gone on we got married. and this is a good chance for you to get some exposure, show everyone your personality.”
jinyoung grits his teeth, but his shoulders slump. manager hyung reads him correctly, that he’s working away at jinyoung’s defenses, because his voice is kind when he speaks to jinyoung next. “and what’s so different about this compared to being in a drama, huh? you’re still going to be acting. it might even be easier, since you don’t have to pretend to be someone else.”
that’s the problem, jinyoung thinks. they don’t want the audience to love a character jinyoung portrays, they want the audience to love jinyoung himself. and he isn’t too confident that they will.
/
it’s incredibly difficult to get a spot on such a famous show like we got married, they tell jinyoung. the show had been looking for people to fit their new concept for their ninth season: idols, singers, dancers and actors that were not as well known. they wanted to vie for an underdog story. they had enough of a following and enough popularity to afford pulling off such a concept. there’s no guarantee that jinyoung will be a permanent guest on the show, since he might not get along with his fake wife or husband, but just a couple of episodes would be enough.
jinyoung has two weeks before shooting begins. his manager recommends that he watch a couple of episodes to get an idea of what’s going to happen. jinyoung makes it through three episodes of season three, one of the older ones and the most popular on the forum that he finds online, before he quits watching. in the privacy of his tiny studio apartment in seoul, jinyoung settles down and has a panic attack.
but he’s first and foremost a professional, even if no one is around to see it, so he picks himself up and breathes through the anxiety wracking through him. he calls jackson a couple times, immediately spilling the beans about his future television appearance, and gets mildly happier when jackson screeches and comes over the next day with beer and fried chicken. they get drunk and watch an entire season of wgm sprawled over jinyoung’s couch, which is much more palatable when jinyoung is intoxicated and subject to jackson’s amazing commentary.
“i’ll watch every episode you’re on,” jackson mumbles as he’s about to pass out. “no matter how good or bad it is, i’ll watch. i’ll put it on my insta!”
“please don’t,” jinyoung snorts, mind spinning. filming starts next week, and he still doesn’t know – “i don’t know who i’m getting married to.” he says out loud, blinking at his ceiling, wondering when he fell down on the floor. jackson mumbles something. “seriously. i dunno know it is…manager-hyung won’t say anything.”
“what?” jackson asks blearily, turning over to squint at jinyoung. “you’re speakin’ in dialect, again.” jackson isn’t the best at following him when he does.
jinyoung waves him away and pulls himself up to his bed, snuggling into his pillows. he throws one down for jackson, followed by a blanket because he’s a nice person, and finds himself immediately knocking out.
/
it’s almost 9 am when jinyoung finally makes it to hair and makeup. the staff there immediately eye him down, taking note of his slacks and sleek loafers, before clicking their tongues and dragging him into a room. jinyoung barely grabs onto his phone before they take his bag away, settling it in the corner.
“ah, you have such nice features,” one of the stylists sighs, reaching forward to dab bb cream on his face. “and your skin is really nice too. you must take care of it well.”
“i do,” he says awkwardly. he hadn’t been so great at it at first, but then it became another part of his daily routine.
“your hair is so nice too! all black, no pierced ears or tattoos to cover up…” the stylist pulls away from him and looks over at the hairdresser. “i think that we should keep him as natural as possible. he looks great just as he is, we can go for the pure and natural concept. let’s keep it refreshing,” he says. with a wave of his hand, the hairstylist and make-up artist start to fill in the blank spaces the main stylist had left behind.
“ah, your hair is really nice,” the hairstylist says. jinyoung meets his eye in the mirror and notes how tall he is, with silvery hair that curls around sweet features. a pretty silver earring dangles from his left ear. “i wish i could color it. have you ever dyed your hair before?”
“only once,” jinyoung says. “but it was brown. i had a perm before, though.”
“yugyeom-ah, don’t make him talk too much, or else i can’t do my job,” the make-up artist says disapprovingly. “hold on, i need to get something from the other room. don’t touch your face!” jinyoung would be offended at how stern the other is, if it weren’t for the bright wide smile he had gotten right before the guy turned tail and ran out.
“don’t mind youngjae-hyung, he’s like that but he means well,” yugyeom hums, dampening jinyoung’s hair with a wet spray before combing through it with a brush. the movement is familiar and soothing, sending tingles throughout his scalp. despite himself, jinyoung finds that he’s already relaxing back into the chair. “are you excited for the show? you’re going to get married today!”
it had been a point that jinyoung had been avoiding thinking about. after his night with jackson, jinyoung didn’t want to confront the reason why he felt so uncomfortable at the thought of filming a fake relationship on television. he doesn’t want to talk about it with a stranger, either, but something about yugyeom’s wide open and sincere expression gives jinyoung pause. he’s relaxed for the first time in days, and it’s quiet inside the makeup room. “i guess so. i’ve never met the other person.”
“i’m sure he’s nice,” yugyeom offers, reaching over to grab a blow-dryer.
jinyoung blinks, looking at yugyeom in the mirror. “i never said it was a guy.”
he watches the way yugyeom freezes. “ah, shit.”
“what did you do?” the main stylist says as he heads back inside, looking unimpressed. clothes are draped across his forearm in shades of brown and white, appropriate fall colors. yugyeom is backing up now, stuttering.
“i’m getting a husband today, apparently,” jinyoung says, even though the words feel foreign in his mouth.
the main stylist immediately glares at yugyeom, who whines, “aw bam, c’mon! it just slipped, and he picked up on it really quickly.”
“it’s okay,” jinyoung rushes to add, turning around in his seat to face the stylist – bam? – and eyes the way yugyeom looks like a kicked puppy. “i’m kind of glad he let it slip. my manager wouldn’t tell me anything at all, and… in all honesty, it’s been making me nervous.”
“see, bambam,” yugyeom mumbles underneath his breath, just as jinyoung sees something soften in bambam’s eyes. “not a big deal, anyway.”
“we were supposed to keep quiet to help make the reaction as organic as possible,” the stylist, bambam, says it as if he’s reading off of a cue card. jinyoung wouldn’t put it past the show’s director’s to do just that. sneaking a peek jinyoung’s way, the tall male groans. “we only met him because he was here earlier than you and got ready first. his hair and makeup team wasn’t available, so we took over.”
“his hair and makeup team?”
“that’s right,” yugyeom pipes in, “because we’re officially yours, at least for the near future. nice to meet you, park jinyoung-ssi, i’m kim yugyeom.” he finishes it off with a shy smile, revealing white teeth.
“i’m bambam, your main stylist,” the taller one says. he doesn’t look korean, and there’s a slight accent on his words, but jinyoung can tell that bambam knows what he’s doing. “we have one more person here, youngjae-hyung, but i think he – “
“i’m back!” a loud voice chirps from the door. he’s not holding anything special, but jinyoung had been expecting a makeup box or a face mask, not a white take out cup. this must be youngjae, jinyoung surmises, who beams at jinyoung. he reminds one of an over-excited puppy. “here!” he hands over the cup to jinyoung, who takes it with surprise.
“what is this?”
“a dark milk tea,” youngjae says, already turning to the makeup table. “to help you calm down a little.”
jinyoung smiles, touched by the sentiment, even though he’s not that big of a tea drinker. the dark chocolate is bittersweet and thick in his throat, but it’s offset by the milk tea. it’s iced, too, which jinyoung didn’t think he would particularly like, but it works well with the drink. he can’t take more than a couple sips of it, though, and leans back as youngjae begins to talk a little bit about how he had gone out to grab some of his cushions that he swore worked better than others, when he had come across a coffee truck out in front and decided to get jinyoung one, since he looked quite anxious.
jinyoung can’t imagine how kind someone has to be to buy a drink for someone he doesn’t even know, but yugyeom and bambam just stare at youngjae as if they expect this of him. jinyoung waits patiently as yugyeom and youngjae finish up with him, tousling his fair into fluffy waves that rest over his forehead. his mouth is reddened slightly, makeup so slight that it looks like there’s nothing there. even his dark circles have disappeared.
“perfect,” yugyeom sighs, running his fingers through jinyoung’s hair one more time in glee. “if only we could pierce your ears, it would be so nice – “
jinyoung raises one hand to his ears self-consciously. it’s always been something he’s overly aware of, his large ears. he’d pushed back on piercing his ears just so that they wouldn’t get more attention, and he constantly tries to keep the sides of his hair long so they’d look smaller.
“stop molesting his hair and admiring your own work,” bambam shoos yugyeom away, who follows the sound youngjae’s loud, boisterous laughter. “here, wear this.”
it’s nearing ten am at that point, and jinyoung knows he has to be at the filming site by 11:30. he changes into a pair of jeans that are comfortable to the touch and a white bulky knit sweater, accessorized by a long grey coat with shiny black buttons. jinyoung is removing dust and threat off of the shoulder of the coat when he steps out to face bambam’s critical eye.
“good,” he says, “but give me a minute.”
bambam folds up the jeans so his ankles are exposed to the wind. he places two gold rings, one on jinyoung’s middle finger and another on his pinky, and a grey leather watch with a gold edge. youngjae hands over a new side bag, this one made of brown leather. it feels substantially heavy when jinyoung holds onto it, and he peeks inside to see that his things are already neatly packed away inside.
“you look good,” bambam finally says, grinning. it makes him look younger. “alright, see you around. good luck, park jinyoung-ssi.”
“thanks,” jinyoung says quietly, as youngjae and yugyeom wave at him as he leaves.
his manager gives him an up-down before simply saying, “you look nice. those kids handed me your clothes, so i’ll keep them in the car.”
“where are we going?”
“the writers of the show said that they chose a place based on what you and your future partner wrote as an ideal first date. it must be something that would meet both of you in the middle,” is what his manager says vaguely. he’s smiling supportively, motioning for jinyoung to sit and not feel so anxious. “game face on, jinyoung-ah.”
jinyoung tries to recall what he had written for the on that questionnaire he had gotten two weeks ago. his own ideal first date would have been a bike ride, maybe, near the river. when it’s warm, and the air tastes distinctly salty. he would see the way the light glints off of the edge of the water, read a book, talk for ages. jinyoung, over all, wants someone to talk to.
he doesn’t remember what he had written on the form. something like, a date in a café. something cliché, something that everyone likes to watch. no one would want to watch him staring off at the ocean or dipping his feet in water, talking about what dramas he likes to watch.
his manager wishes him good luck as they leave the car. jinyoung nods and says his hellos to the director first and foremost, then the staff and crew. his manager disappears between the crowd of people dressed in dark, unnoticeable colors. the director is a woman with a kind face, and she reaches out to shake jinyoung’s hand. he bows during their introduction.
“that’s where your first meeting, and first date, will be.” she nods her head to the café that they were standing outside of, tucked away in a small corner of the street. the cameras and equipment garner a couple of interested looks, but there’s not enough people to cause a commotion. so he had been right.
“we’re going to start filming, now,” she says. “just do your best. we’ll have a recording session later after the whole thing with questions and comments on the day.” she holds up a fist in support, going back to direct where all of her staff should go. “remember, act natural! pretend like the cameras aren’t even here!”
at least this he can do, jinyoung thinks, taking a deep breath. he heads down the street and waits for his signal to begin walking.
it feels awkward now, just walking down the street with no music or background noise to accompany him, the feeling of everyone’s eyes on him, but jinyoung pushes through it and pretends like he’s on set. that this is just another drama, just – just a little bit closer to home, is all. like a cameo of himself in a particularly popular show.
jinyoung reaches the filming crew and when he meets the cameraman’s eyes, he can’t help but break into an embarrassed smile. he bows to all of them in hello, shuffling a little. “hi,” he says, turning this way and that, flittering in front of the café. the camera man reaches out to hand him a little white envelope. “ah, what’s this? a mission?”
the envelope reads, order a drink that you think your partner would like. “but i don’t know who they are,” jinyoung says, staring at the filming crew. “how will i – am i supposed to guess?” some of the staff nod, looking amused. jinyoung huffs out a laugh which isn’t too fake. “how will they know who i am? or how will i know who they are?”
he’s told to head inside. jinyoung falters in front of the cashier, staring up at the menu. his eyes skip over all the different options. choice anxiety looms at him until jinyoung sees the selection of teas.
“dark chocolate milk tea, please,” he asks. “hot.” because it’s starting to turn chilly outside, and jinyoung wants to be warm.
there’s barely anyone in the café. it might have been cleared out for the show, or the hour is just slow for business. jinyoung isn’t sure. between the patrons that are inside the café, jinyoung mentally crosses out any of the women sitting around. that leaves around three people left; one guy sitting near the window with his laptop out and papers spread out all across him, another sitting near the back with his phone in his hands, and another with a book. jinyoung actually recognizes the book – it’s one that he read a couple weeks ago himself. for a moment, he thinks that this may be him, his future fake husband.
but then his eyes go back to the man on his phone, running a hand through his long black hair, the light glinting off of his nose ring. something in his stomach tugs at him, whispering that one that one that one.
he takes the drink and ignores, to the best of his ability, the cameras that are around him. they’ve snuck into every corner and crevice, no doubt, but if jinyoung can’t see them then it’s like they’re not here, right?
the other looks up to meet jinyoung’s eyes just as he stops in front of the table, his mouth curling up into a smile. something about him is so familiar, jinyoung thinks.
“hi,” says the man, standing up to reach out a hand. “you’re my husband, right?”
it’s jarring to hear, first of all. it’s not a title that jinyoung thought he’d be hearing for himself in the near future, so when answering, he’s left flustered. “yes, i’m – i’m park jinyoung, nice to meet you.” jinyoung bows almost instinctively, tense and awkward, not really realizing that the other also bows at the same time while saying, “i’m lim jaebeom – “ and they knock heads together.
“ow, ow,” jinyoung pulls back immediately, holding a hand to his temple. the pain had been sudden. he sets down the drink he had gotten, the mug of dark chocolate milk tea, and blinks away the sudden stars in his eyes. “sorry, are you hurt?”
“no, i’m sorry, do you have a bump on your head - ?”
jaebeom’s hands reach out to pull jinyoung’s away from his forehead, his thumb rubbing against the spot very briefly. it’s a quick touch, clinical enough to make sure that jinyoung isn’t hurt too badly. jaebeom’s hands fall away the next moment.
they stand, staring at each other for a moment.
“that wasn’t awkward at all,” jaebeom says suddenly, and jinyoung finds himself smiling, even if it is addled with a touch of unease.
jinyoung finds himself settling down in the table and chair across from jaebeom. he’s pulling at the threads of the white sweater bambam put him into, staring down at the tea in front of him.
that reminds him, actually, of why he had gotten it in the first place. “i got this mission card from the crew,” jinyoung sets the card in front of him. meeting jaebeom’s eyes is a little difficult, although jinyoung can’t say for sure why. he’s glad that sometimes the other’s fringe lets him stare at the space right between his eyes without getting caught. “and they asked me to get a drink that i thought you’d like. so i got this one. it’s a dark chocolate milk tea.”
“really?”
jaebeom’s query is one of genuine surprise; jinyoung sees it in the way that the other’s smile disappears. idols, celebrities – they always remember to smile. “that’s actually my favorite. how did you know?”
“i – i just guessed,” jinyoung replies, dumbfounded.
“i mean, i guessed too – i got a vanilla latte?”
“that’s,” jinyoung balks at the other, “that’s my favorite.”
jaebeom laughs, now, a touch of amusement in his voice that covers up incredulity well. “no way? really? you don’t have to be nice to me, you know.”
“no, it really is.” jinyoung pulls out his phone, going back to his instagram and pulling out one of the rare photos that he posts. it’s dated back to last year. “it’s my favorite coffee, i always get it when i’m at a café if i can. see?” he waves his phone in jaebeom’s face.
he doesn’t expect the other to grab hold of his wrist to stop the errant movement, holding it steady in front of jaebeom’s face. “oh, huh. is that your sister?”
jinyoung snatches his hand back, closing his phone screen. “yeah,” he says. “i’m the youngest of three siblings. two older sisters.”
“i’m an only child,” jaebeom says. “wait, then how old are you?”
“twenty-four.”
“ah,” jaebeom starts, his mouth quirking up a little in a lopsided smile that makes his eyes curve into crescents. “i’m your hyung, then.”
jinyoung isn’t quite sure why he says it, then, why the words that first touch the tip of his tongue are, “guess you’ll have to prove it, then,” when he should be saying something like oh, should i call you hyung, then? or haha, i guess so. it leaves them both surprised, staring at each other from across the table. jinyoung pushes the milk tea he ordered toward jaebeom.
/
could you tell us a bit about yourself?
sure, i guess. um, my name is lim jaebeom, or if we’re going by my stage name, jb. i’m twenty four, and i’ve been a singer for… i don’t know, it’s been about almost six years now? i produce songs in my free time, too.
were you surprised when you met new husband?
a little. i didn’t expect someone so good looking, haha.
was he your type?
um… this is embarrassing. do i really have to say it?
you got each other your favorite drink! that almost seemed like fate.
it was definitely weird. maybe a coincidence? or – yeah, fate. i don’t really know… it just seemed like the best option. i promise i didn’t know who i was going to marry! my manager kept it from me. in fact, almost everyone i know kept it from me. i guess we were just on the same wavelength.
do you think you guys will have a happy married life?
well, i sure hope so.
/
“so,” jackson says, his voice breaking up over the phone. “how was the shooting? how was the guy? who is the guy? did you look him up after you left the shooting? did you guys exchange numbers?”
jinyoung is perusing through a take-out menu, wondering which place he’ll grab food from now. a recent shoot he’s done for a fashion magazine has given him some money to live off of, so he can afford to not try his hand at cooking (which never really ends well 60% of the time).
“it went fine,” jinyoung places in his order through an app on his phone, opening up a can of sparkling berry water to sip from. he can’t have any alcohol right now, since he’s still set to shoot for that magazine. just treating himself out for chicken today is pushing the limits of what will make him bloated in the morning. “he was nice. we were a little awkward for a while, but the producers told me that’s how all first meetings are like. i gave him my number.”
“i’m glad,” jackson says after a brief pause. “you know, that he’s not an asshole. but who is it?”
“a singer, lim jaebeom – not the older one. he said his stage name is jb.” jinyoung takes away that extra order of pickled radishes. he doesn’t need that. the amount they send for free will have to tide him over for now.
“jaebeom-hyung?”
this gives jinyoung pause. “you know him?”
“jinyoungie, he’s under jyp. he produced one of my songs before! i’m pretty sure i’ve mentioned you to him.”
to be fair to jinyoung, jackson’s got a lot of people he talks about. if jinyoung were to keep a mental track of who worked for who, he would be stuck in his home all day. wisely, he doesn’t mention this to jackson. “no, guess i forgot. how come i’ve never seen him around?”
“beats me. that’s interesting, jaebeom-hyung never mentioned that he was going on the show.”
bitterly, jinyoung snorts. “well, seunie, i wouldn’t have told you either, but i’m pretty sure you’d beat it out of me. it’s not exactly something i’d go home telling my parents about. hi, mom, did you see my new show? no, it’s not a drama, i’m actually pretending to be married because i can’t do anything else with my life.”
jackson stays quiet for a moment as jinyoung continues to scroll through the e-book he’s downloaded on his phone, filtering the words but not really reading them. he just needs something to do while talking to jackson, is all.
“she wouldn’t actually say that,” jackson points out. right, jinyoung thinks, because jackson knows that his mom wouldn’t be around to say anything either way. “besides, there’s nothing wrong with the show. if anything, it’s showing the whole world the real jinyoungie!”
“right,” jinyoung mutters.
“have you texted or talked to jaebeom-hyung? now that i think about it, you two suit each other pretty well. i think the producers made a good match!”
“no,” jinyoung says. “he seems nice, but not date-nice. and i’m not looking to date anyway.”
“good. you’re married, you shouldn’t be dating around.”
“jackson.”
“kidding,” jackson cackles. “or am i? are you? don’t glare at me, jinyoung, i can feel it through the phone. alright, fine, i have to go since manager-hyung is telling me we need to get a move on. i’ll come over for the premiere of the new season, beers on me. we can make fun of the show again, but this time with the added pleasure of you in it!”
“bye,” he deadpans, ending the call before jackson can make his headache worse.
/
jinyoung hates the fact that they have to film once a week, and that the filming cuts close to when the episode is actually aired. it means that jinyoung doesn’t get to film everything all at once and then wait for the results. he’s in a constant state of stress just thinking about it. in addition to some of the modelling work he does in between, jinyoung sleeps all day, blasts music in his tiny studio apartment when he’s not reading his book of the week, visits his therapist when he has to, and watches a lot of dramas that he doesn’t star in.
jackson invites himself over for the premiere but doesn’t bring beer, since jinyoung has to go to and film the very next day. instead, he hauls in a pack of variety milk. jinyoung nabs a banana flavored one and opens a bag of shrimp chips and home run balls to snack on. his stomach isn’t going to be happy with him later.
jackson comments on jinyoung’s parts as much as he does with all the other couples, who definitely have much better first meetings than he and jaebeom. one couple meet at an amusement park, at a ferris wheel; another finds each other at the beach. jinyoung watches that couple pityingly. at least he had been inside, away from the cold breeze.
his own first date with jaebeom is toted around as a meeting of soulmates. jackson screams silly in his ear when jinyoung and jaebeom knock heads like the idiots they are. on screen, they look at each other for a long minute; after editing, jaebeom checking his head for injuries is cute, instead of awkward and embarrassing. jinyoung is quiet through the whole thing, watching himself from others eyes, noting how tense his shoulders are, how he can’t look jaebeom in the eye. how it digs at him, being there.
it’s interspersed with the one on one interviews they do. they play up jinyoung’s camera smile, the one that perfectly shows off his teeth and minimizes the wrinkles around his eyes. they show jaebeom, with his glinting ear piercings, his hair tied back.
“you’re definitely his ideal type,” jackson muses as he throws back a chocolate milk the way he would a beer. he has no schedules for tomorrow, but jackson is the definition of a loyal friend, and he won’t drink if jinyoung isn’t drinking. “i can vouch for that. also, look at how embarrassed he is!”
“jackson,” jinyoung starts tiredly for what seems like the 10th time that night, “we’re saying it for the cameras. you remember that part, right? that it’s all show and no substance?”
“how’d you know his favorite drink, jinyoungie?” jackson frowns over him, paying no attention to what jinyoung is saying. “how did he know yours?”
“i have a faint idea.” youngjae springs to memory. jinyoung isn’t quite sure how to feel about it.
“dammit, it ended. what did you guys do after?”
he sighs. “talked to the producers, said goodbye to each other.”
“no goodbye hug? no instant connection? you didn’t get lunch or dinner together?”
“i wasn’t hungry,” jinyoung argues. “and if we could at least be friends for most of the show, or until the end of it, i’d be satisfied.”
jackson shrugs, but reaches over to wrap an arm around jinyoung’s shoulders when the commercials come on. “those are famous last words, jinyoung-ah.” rolling his eyes, jinyoung pushes him away.