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It all started with one, innocent, harmless question. Well, at least those were the adjectives that Beau would later use in defense of herself.
It went like this:
"So... you still into Fjord?"
Sitting around a bar table in a small coastal town near Port Damali, for once no immediate threats or duties breathing down their neck, Jester and Beau had decided to get some much needed coffee and pastries to enjoy the late morning while the rest of the Nine was out shopping for trinkets.
It had been an easy-going day and Jester had chatted all morning about her drawings and doodles and "oh my gosh Beau, I totally have to get you all undressed in the jacuzzi so I can do muscle studies and give you all SUPER ripped arms and such, not that you all aren't ripped already, but imagine Caduceus with these HUGE bulging arms, OH, what if Melora made him all buff too, like Fjord looked when he came out of the seaweed wraps," and that just had triggered Beau's mouth into moving before her brain could trip it up.
So.
There it was.
The question was lying on the table, naked and ugly like a squawking baby seagull and Beau could feel the back of her neck starting to warm up as Jester blinked at her with huge, violet eyes.
"Why are you asking, Beau?"
Shit. Jester wasn't supposed to answer a question with a question.
The monk leaned backwards with her seat, tipping it a little and trying to distract her own rapidly firing, panicky thoughts and twitching fingers with a balancing act, eyes glancing at the ceiling and watching the grain. "Well, you know." 'cause I like you.
"Know what?"
Was it that hot in here? Stupid coastal towns and their stupid hot weather.
"You know... with the flirting and the... stuff." Was Jester still looking at her? Yes, shit, fuck, she had actually leaned forward and stretched her hands all over the questionably clean table surface, palms idly tapping a rhythm. But Beau was too busy looking pointedly at other things to gauge the look on her face.
"Ohhh, was I flirting with him?" And she had that tone, high and joking, in a way that made it impossible to know if she was teasing or lying or distracting from the issue or pointing out the factual truth in a roundabout way. "Do I like like him? Dunno, I don't really think I do anymore, why are you asking?"
'cause I don't want you in love with him, I want you in love with me.
It scratched in Beau's throat, being so put on the spot, and she actually scratched it to get rid of the feeling. Swallowed. Tipped her chair further. Ioun, her skin was itching. Sweat was pooling at her hairline and her heart was having that rabbit-quick beat that made it hard for her to think.
Don't tell her, don't tell her, I like you, don't say it, think of something, don't think about how adorable she looks drapped over the table, man, she looks good in this light, fuck, think, don't get distracted, distract HER, THINK-
"'cause I do!" Beau shouted suddenly in a panic and literally everything screeched to a halt.
The tapping. The sound of the breeze. The bartender stopped whistling from behind the bar and just stared in confusion.
Beau's chair clunked to the ground again on all fours. Both were frozen.
"You... like Fjord ," Jester repeated slowly, with the utter disbelief and a hidden-not-so-hidden question that would come with sentences like "Walk naked. Into the trap ." or "A fish. Flying in the sky. " and utter nonsense like that.
Fuck. Fuck.
"Uh," was all the eloquence a panic-stricken Beau could muster.
"Beau," the tiefling went on, looking at her friend as if she was the dumbest person in the world at this moment. "You like girls. "
Shit fuck godsdamnit , this had to be cut off before it became worse. But Jester was staring at her, and Beau was sweating so hard and there was a rushing sound in her ears that drowned out everything and all she could say was "well, in the right light he looks kinda girly" and gods help her, he would kill her ass dead. Smite her right into the next century.
Jester looked more and more flabbergasted as she leaned back in her seat with a look that was both utterly befuddled and so incredibly blank it was hard to read. "Are you trying to tell me you actually like Fjord? As in like like?"
"He's my bro. He's... he's pretty h- handsome and I do feel...uh... safe around him and... uh, we talk about... stuff," Panic Beau relayed while Gay Beau retched and Collected Beau screamed high pitched in the background of her mind. But reason had left the rudder and flailing was all that was left to steer the boat in the storm. "Maybe he's like an exception to the rule or shit like that?"
"Wow." Jester opened her mouth once, twice, but nothing came out. Then, slowly, unsure, she leaned forward gently said, "well, to be honest, this is kind of a shock, but... I do want to see you happy, Beau. So, uhm, maybe, just go for it? And... try it? If he makes you happy, I mean. I'm sure he'd be a good, sweet boyfriend and all."
"Yeah, sure, I can see that," said Beau, who just wanted a large bottle of strong whiskey and a hole to crawl into and die in.
And that was it.
No more left to say, Beau sitting with her hands clenched on her knees and wondering what the fuck she had gotten herself into and Jester kind of looking at her like she had lost her mind but also being quietly accepting and supportive like the wonderful person she was.
All while Beau wished she had literally done or said anything else, maybe asphyxiation would have been a better plan, or brain trauma, or ANYTHING but this.
Fuck.
_____
"Soooo... Fjord." Beau clears her throat.
Fjord freezes . Not in that scared "oh no" moment with wide eyes and panic, but more of a ... "oh no" moment with wide eyes and panic and "I know that tone" tacked on top of it.
Shit. She should have started all casually with small talk.
"Yes, Beau?" he carefully asks with all the caution of someone watching a Fluffernutter being thrown into the air. He clears his throat too.
Fucking shit, so it's gonna be that kind of talk.
She can see the others in the background, crowded around the table and laughing as they listen to Veth retelling them something that happened during the day. Fjord had gotten up to grab another round and Beau had taken the chance to slide up next to him at the bar and to... well.
"I... may need a favor from you? From you," she asks/demands, floundering and trying to seem like she wasn't. The way she sits is upright and lazy in all the right, paradox ways that are uniquely her and if she's sweating buckets and twitching her fingers nervously, well, it's not like anyone can blame her.
Fjord squints his eyes at her. "Go on."
"So, remember when you guys were out shopping?"
"Yea, I was there," he deadpans. "So, vaguely."
"Cool! Cool. So, you know, Jester and I, well, we stayed behind because we had gotten all we needed the day before and... you know, we talked..."
"Mh hm," he comments, eyebrow rising. Judg mental bastard. For all his obliviousness he could smell her bullshit coming miles away.
"...and during this talk I might have said some stuff and brought up some things and you know, one thing leading to another, I kinda got put into a corner, so I lied and said IlikeyouandIneedyoutogooutwithmeonadate." She word-vomited it out so quickly, grabbing the first drink the bartender put before Fjord and gulping it down. Beau nearly spit it back out. Milk, of course, how fitting.
She had expected a long round of disbelieving silence as he figured out her salad of words, but she barely had slammed the tankard back down when he loosened a loud "You WHAT ?" at her, that had Beau frantically covering his mouth and shushing him, throwing a glance behind her at the table.
Sure enough, their friends had stopped and looked over with curiosity, so Beau quickly waved them off with a nervous, fake smile and tried not to die with mortification at the silent thumbs-up Jester was giving her.
"ShhhHHH!"
"A date?!" he whisper-yelled between her fingers, but he noted her franticness concerning the rest of the Nine and leaned closer, not... quite less suspicious. "What the fuck, Beau?"
"I just need you to take me out-..." she started and he interrupted her with a sort of utter confusion quietly taking over that she could very well commiserate with. Shit, this was a mess.
"Why would I take you on a date, have you gone stark-raving mad? Did someone hit you too hard in the woods? Did the petrification get stuck in your brain? Should I get Caduceus? Maybe Jester would be better, you never stay still when you need to get healed-..."
"Geez, man, just shut up for a minute, will you?! And for Ioun's sake, don't get Jester, and don't tell her any of this or I will fucking kill you!"
Fjord settled back down on his bar chair, half-unconsciously switching out her tankard with actual beer, always considerate even if he was ready to strangle her. "Ok, fine. Just explain this to me. This is ridiculous."
Exhaling deeply, Beau clutched her beer and just slumped her shoulders. Telling this now had lost it's fear with how bad this had gone so far and with Veth already knowing. At least Fjord would be way more discreet than her.
"Look, I know this sounds dumb, but... we were talking about how Jester had taken a shine to you and I was wondering out loud if it was still the case and she was kind of inquisitive why I wanted to know, and... uh... here's the thing, I think I might, MIGHT, you know, kind of like- like Jester..."
"You WHAT ?"
"SHHH. Fucking hell, can you pipe it down!"
"You like Jester?! When did that happen?"
"Fuck do I know, I just do! She's... shit, she's fucking adorable, okay?! Even I am not immune to that! And... it just kinda grew from there!"
"Wow," was all he answered, genuinely baffled and taking a huge gulp from his tankard as if grasping for words. He turned to her again, one elbow on the bar, mouth open and a contemplative look on his face and just- aborted instead. "Wow." He turned straight back to his drink in a I can't even deal with this right now way.
Beau just groaned and buried her face in her arms. Wow was right. Shit balls.
It was at least until a minute until Fjord had composed himself enough to turn back to her. "So, okay, you like her in a more than friends way, right?"
Beau didn't even twitch in her position and just groaned again.
"Then how the fuck did you being into her turn to you wanting a fake date with me?"
"I messed up, Fjord!" she nearly shouted, springing up from her position and throwing her arms into the air. "I panicked and didn't want her to know about my feelings and... and I bailed in the worst way possible and now I need you to take me on a date because she thinks I like you. "
"You are a fucking blockhead, woman."
Beau glared and punched him in the shoulder, mollified at his offended " Ow , yeesh! Those are weapons!"
They stared at each other with familiar, friendly antagonism for a few moments before Beau huffed and let her head fall back.
"Fuck. Yeah. I'm an asshole and an idiot."
"Look." The way his voice changed from accusing and despairing about what to do with her to gentle and inquiring was both calming and raising her hackles. People had barely ever bothered to be gentle with her. People before the Mighty Nine at least. "Jester cares about you. Why don't you try to talk with her about your feelings? We both know she would be understanding."
This was the moment Beau feared. The understanding, the quiet acceptance... and the disappointment. The sad "Oh, Beau," and the pressure of dealing with someone who is in love with you and you don't want to disappoint them but you don't share... those feelings. There was just no way she would be into Beau. And even if there was the slightest, tiny itsy-bitsy possibility that she would return some of it, heck, even just to experience what loving someone who is in love with you was like (wait, WAIT, when had she fallen in love?!), despite not knowing if she even liked girls, but all in it about the experience...
No. She couldn't do that to Jester. Jester really didn't need her.
"I-... look... I wouldn't be good for her, Fjord. I don't... never did do relationships. I'm all edges and abandonment issues and Jester... she needs to be happy, okay? I want her to be happy." Beau stared into her half-empty beer, watching her distorted face swim between the sparse white foam. "Jester deserves a fairy tale and I..."
She swallowed and looked at her friend.
"I'm just not."
There was an empathy and sadness in his yellow eyes that grated at her and she looked away, but didn't push away the hand he put on her shoulder. "You need to be kinder to yourself, Beau."
"I'm not wrong, Fjord."
"Well, you can be a bit of a dick, sometimes." He smiled, toothy, growing tusks and all and squeezed his hand, fingers digging comfortingly into her lean muscles.
She snorted, and wiped away some moisture that had gathered in her eyes with the back of her wrist wraps, returning the smile wryly. "Thanks, asshole."
He chuckled and they both sat together in quiet company, drinks order for the Nine not forgotten, but ignored in front of them.
"I'll go on that fake date with you. But boy, do you owe me one."
"...hey. Thanks."
"No problem."
_______________
To say the reactions of the Mighty Nine to their... "date"... were mixed was quite an understatement. Veth's voice certainly had reached a register by the end that pretty much wasn't fully audible to living beings. Or... any beings.
" Whhhaaaa aaaaAAAATT?! "
"Ah. Hm."
"I...uh... congratulations?... I guess..."
"That's great. Good for you two."
"Well, I fully support you, you're gonna have the MOST wonderful day, and you gotta eat pastries and walk by the sea hand in hand and have the most romantic time ever!"
It was followed by the most awkward silence Beau had ever experienced. Fjord was trying hard to learn sudden invisibility from the Wildmother by praying silently to the ceiling, while Beau found a very inspiring spot to meditate on, maybe, between her feet. It had a swirl in the wood.
They were holding hands. If any god would be kind enough to smite her into dust in this very moment, she would probably become their one truest follower soul for ever and ever.
Fjord's hands were sweaty. But she couldn't complain, because... well, she was quite sure it covered up her own pretty well.
What. a. MESS.
"Uh, ehm, thanks guys. We, uh, we're gonna... you know. Go."
"Yes, please," Fjord muttered beside her, still trying to vanish.
"Cool, cool, ...bye!"
And with that they were gone, breathing their first breath of relief when they were out of earshot. The Caduceus kind, though Beau was pretty sure he had seen right through their ruse despite the well-wishes. Yasha and Caleb had merely looked confused, but it hadn't reached Veth level disturbance in any way, shape or form. Beau winced just thinking about having to explain herself to the halfling at another time.
But Jester had seemed... extra perky. It made her wonder if Jester really was as much over Fjord as she had claimed to be, or if she was trying to be just this bit more supportive than anyone else or... if the t iefling was just trying to make up for the fact that she hadn't found her great, romantic love story yet. Gods, Beau, you absolute asshole, dangling a relationship in front of her nose when she wants to have one so bad and then dare to have it be more fake than your Tracy persona on steroids. She could have slapped herself silly.
The duo found themselves wandering aimlessly for a while and, after becoming more and more paranoid after constantly checking that no one was following them to see if their "date" was going well, decided to just sit on a roof with a view of the ocean.
It calmed them both to just laze around in the afternoon sun. There was always so much hubbub around them, or even just when all of them were together in one place. Beau loved them all, would give her life and happiness for each and everyone of the Nine (not that she was scrambling at a chance to do so, she had learned her lesson!), but space and quiet had become a luxury she indulged in whenever she could.
And sitting with Fjord was just as calming as sitting on her own.
Thanks to their morning training, they had grown so used to each other, doing their workout in silence with only the quiet huffing and exhales as background noise. Beau experienced the same calmness with Caleb, when they sat and read in the library. Or drinking tea with Caduceus in the X h orh aus . And with Veth... uh... nope, there was never a quiet moment with Veth.
Nor was there with Jester, Beau thought with a smile, at least as long as they were awake. But they had shared a bed often enough that Beau had memorized her quiet breathing when asleep, when she was barely half awake herself and just feeling so, so lucky to have this bundle of joy in her life. No. Beau didn't need Jester to be quiet to feel good. Jester was the one she enjoyed in all shapes or forms around her, be it loud or quiet or...
"What are you smiling about?"
"Just... things."
"Uh huh," he replied with a smirk, "Jester things I suppose."
Beau rolled onto her back on the sloped roof, red clay shingles having comfortably warmed up over the day. She put her arms behind her head and rolled her eyes. "Dude. We're on a date. 's not cool to ask after other women."
He flicked a piece of moss at her that she swatted away with monk reflexes, leaving her hand resting at her hip.
"Worst date ever. No attempt at small talk and you didn't even take me to dinner."
Rummaging around in her pocket for a few seconds, she slapped some pocket bacon and a mint into his hands. "There. Enjoy your meal."
"Cheapskate."
Beau stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed, apparently mollified by her offerings, then started to chew on the meat.
"You know, Beau," he began after a while of quiet in a contemplative tone, both of them simply watching the sun start edging along the horizon and coloring the sky red, "it caught me unaware at the beginning, but now I can actually see it."
"Huh?"
"You and Jester. I can see it now. You're good for each other."
That got her to sit up. She hugged her knees close and played with a loose thread on the end of her pants. For some reason, this topic was making her feel embarrassed. "...how so?"
"You're like... the sea and the land. Jester is always moving, full of energy, driving forward. You are her land, you let her wash upon the beaches and stretch herself and her creativity, yet you keep her contained before she can start destroying anything. You keep her feet on the ground when it counts." He waved his hand in the general direction of the ocean he was talking about. "And in return, she changes you without changing who you are. Jester washes away the pretense and brings out the good, clear sides you've tried to hide from us. She lifts you up, makes you smile. I can see that you make each other happy."
Beau couldn't help but stare at his profile. For long moments she just sat there, with an open mouth, shocked.
"Dude. That was deep . Well done, mate!"
Fjord preened a bit at the compliment. "Thanks. I have my moments."
Biting her lip, Beau looked towards the sea as well, imagining herself and Jester as Fjord had told it. And she could see it - could see how the water moved and stretched and washed up towards the shore... which embraced the waves' energy fully and gladly. As she would embrace Jester with a laugh and smile if she wanted to-
She shook off the thoughts. It wouldn't happen.
"I never thought we'd get here. Even if I never have the chance to experience what you said fully, I'm...just glad I met her. I will always be glad. She's... making my life so good, you know? So... worthy. All of the Nine do."
"Right back at you, first mate," he answered, slapping a hand onto her knee in approximation of a pat on the shoulder. "Can't imagine life without you shitheads anymore. Never would want to."
She grinned and punched him into the ribs of his unprotected side - gently, knowing her strength, like a nudge. He twitched and grunted.
"Look at us, growing all mushy. Still the worst date ever?"
It made him laugh again. His clear eyes were filled with happiness as he stretched out onto the roof as well, watching the few wisps of clouds pass by in the bright sky. "Nah. Had worse."
Beau laid out beside him, finding herself smiling so much that her cheeks hurt.
Yeah. She'd had worse too.
_______________
To everyone's amazement and disbelief, Beau and Fjord went on a second date and kept mum about the first one. They called it their quiet time in secret and went out onto the sea in a smaller boat, where the Melora believer taught her all about sailing and waves and sea life that he hadn't before. They lazed around in the boat for an hour, half-way napping while keeping the shoreline in sight.
It was a kind of quiet bliss that they hadn't known in the months past.
"You know," Beau said before they decided to sail back when the sun was starting to lower, putting her arm around his broader shoulders, "in another life, I wouldn't have minded being your girl."
"Beau, in a way, you'll always be my girl. Pirates for life."
"That is both mushy and nauseating, bro."
He merely grinned and pushed her into the waves. That he ended up in the water just the same mere minutes later didn't matter.
Beau could tell it was driving their friends nuts not knowing what was going on during their dates. While they had first accepted it, albeit with a high amount of confusion, she could tell they hadn't really thought this was a serious thing. It wasn't but from the outside it seemed so in a way that certainly rankled them.
Beau caught Jester and Veth (well, only Jester, as Veth was nearly impossible to notice, but they were a tag team) following her during certain times as if they would catch her sneaking out to Fjord or do and say something that would increment her.
Fools. She had played games like this too long to be caught out now. Can't out-criminal the criminal. That she was sporting a Cheshire-like smirk whenever they weren't looking - well, no one had to know. It was kind of fun in a way, to mess with them, while also reaping the benefits of some calm bro-time with her best (male)friend.
The only thing that fired back on her, was lying to Jester.
Whenever they went to bed at night, as the two shared a room like they always did, she could tell the other girl was looking at her, poised on a question, but it never came. Sometimes they talked about meaningless stuff before sleep, but the way Jester would often phrase things or be "absolutely, 100% not prying, she didn't need to know about their dates and anyway, she'd had so much fun with the others the whole day long that she didn't even miss them at all or anything", well, it made Beau feel terrible about not sharing what was really happening with her actual best friend.
But that was the way lies went, you got so tangled up in them, that there was no way out that didn't pull them tighter and more painfully.
What a fine mess, she thought with a sigh right before sleep and glanced at Jester's shoulder in the darkness. The tiefling had turned away tonight the second she could.
Beau could tell Jester was literally giving her the cold shoulder, as much as the blue girl tried to make it appear during the day that everything was "perfectly normal".
Sure.
It was during the third date, with Beau and Fjord strolling through the markets and drinking expensive whiskey and wine at a bar once they had shaken off their nosy pursuers with a well-placed thunder step (courtesy of one green warlock), that things went really wrong.
As they were strolling back, slightly tipsy from all the samples they've had, that Fjord cut to the heart of the matter.
"You realize we can't fool them forever?"
"Pff... sure we can. Works fine at the moment, doesn't it?"
He glanced at her, dubious. "They are starting to suspect, you know. We may have managed to shake them off the last times, but we are absolutely the same around each other as we have been before when we are with them. Caleb made a mention of it. Veth is steadfast in her belief that this is a hoax... and Jester made some cryptic comments about affection and such. This is not gonna hold up much longer."
Beau scowled, arms crossed behind her head. "We just gotta up the game then."
There was a long sigh beside her. "Look, I said I'd help you out and I really like the time I spend with you, don't get me wrong. But this might get out of hand." He stopped, made a wry face, then added, "well, more than it already has, at least."
"Well, fuck that," she muttered. They'd see. There was no way she could tell them the truth now , not with the whole construct coming down and showing the real reason why she was enacting this charade. Jester absolutely, one million percent, utterly could. not. know.
Beau found herself sweating as they were nearing the tavern they were all staying in. What could they do to throw them off?
As the windows of the house became visible as they turned the corner, she could see several faces disappear from the glass, but Beau knew they were being watched. Shit, they should have held hands or something, why didn't she think of that before they had come into view?
Think. Think. Be an expositor. Be quick, be smart.
Beau could see the door to the tavern start to open and she had the weird feeling that someone was going to put them on the spot right now.
THINK!
"Kiss me!" Beau hissed out, drink-addled mind coming up with the only terrible solution it could.
Fjord stumbled. "Wait, what? No!"
"Fuck man, just close your eyes and think of... whatever. Just do it!"
Oh, no, this was a terrible, terrible idea. Fuck. Whatever was going on with her lately?! Beau's heart was hammering and she could see a flash of blue at the corner of her eye. Was Jester going to call them out on it? Was she going to be put out at being lied to? Going to demand the truth? Worse and worse scenarios build themselves up in Beau's mind and all ended up with Jester hurt and never talking to her again, Beau's heart shattered in front of her.
Oh gods, no, that can't happen.
Beau grabbed Fjord's lapels and dragged him so that he was facing her. From the look of it, he could see the panic on her face and saw him resign to his fate with a look of utter despair. At this point, she wasn't even sure for whom this would be worse.
"Shitballs. Fuck," he muttered. "You owe me SO much. Ok, here we go."
And then he leaned forward, mouth puckered as if he had eaten something sour and his eyes closed so tightly as if death was going to leap at his face if he opened them.
The monk froze.
In another life, Beau would have really liked Fjord like that. He was kind, handsome and funny, absolutely loyal and with good leadership skills. Beau would fight anyone and everything that would hurt him or take him from them (again) and she would not hesitate to lose everything to make sure he was okay.
In another life, he would have been the perfect guy for her.
But it really, really wasn't this life and she was way too gay for this and seeing him lean towards her, ready to plant a kiss on her lips, triggered literally each and every of her fight and flight responses ingrained into her from the Cobalt Soul, that her mind went blank and she just... reacted.
Half-drunk, blind with panic, Beau hit the "ABORT" button and punched Fjord in the jaw as hard as she could.
The sound made her wince immediately.
Fjord didn't even have time to grunt. He was a really tough guy, strong and lean and known to take more than a few hard hits, but the combination of alcohol and surprise had him go down like a sack of bricks.
Beau could tell he wasn't out, merely stunned and accepting that this was his fate now by just lying there.
"Holy shit," Jester called out from the sidelines and when Beau became aware of her surroundings again, she saw the tiefling standing there with an open mouth, staring. "You punched him right out."
"Uhm," Beau replied, intelligently.
"Hnnng," Fjord made from the floor.
"He- uh, he's really into it. We talked about it. Likes to be manhandled and all," Beau lied through her teeth, quite sure there had to be a puddle of cold sweat streaming down her skin.
"Hng," Fjord answered, raising a shaking thumbs up.
"Wow, that explains SO much about him and Avantika," Jester muttered and then all three just stood there, in the awkward quiet.
Beau had a hard time looking at anyone. Jester looked sad. Fjord just stared at the sky, despairing.
"Well... uhm, sorry for doubting you. I guess, I'll... just... I'm just gonna go." Not meeting her eyes, the tiefling clutched the book she held closer and the false cheer in her voice was so fake this time, it had Beau wince. Then she turned and headed back inside in a hurry. From her vacancy point, she could see Veth and Caleb quickly pull their heads away from the doorway, leaving the two alone outside.
There was utter quiet for a few seconds.
" FUCK ," Beau exclaimed with vehemence, putting her hands on her knees and startling a few bystanders. Fjord's position was already garnering them a few odd looks. "Shit, Fjord, I'm so sorry!"
"'s okay." He hadn't moved an inch, just laying there spread-eagled and seemingly contemplating life and how it had gotten him here into this position. "You know, I think it's really fucking time you talked to Jester."
"I-.. I can't... she's not going to...."
"Look. Look very closely at where we are. Take a step back, look at this situation again and then tell me this is the right choice."
"Fuck my life."
"Right." With a wince, he pushed himself up on his elbows and then rubbed at the spot near his chin that was already coloring. "Man, shit, you can punch. "
"It's... I, it's kinda my whole thing?"
"Still fucking impressive, gods , that's gonna leave a mark... what the fuck are you standing around here for, go, talk to her, shoo!"
"Ugh, fine, fine , sorry for-... sorry."
"It's cool, now just go ."
"Yepp, sure, going." Beau picked up what was left of her resolve and dignity and hurried inside, quickly trying to spot blue freckles and hair and finding none. The rest of the Nine were sitting at the tables, trying to look very inconspicuous. "Hey, anyone of you seen where Jester went?"
There were various starting sounds of denial, but bless Caduceus for saying, "oh, yeah, she just went upstairs to your room."
"Thanks, man," Beau answered in a hurry and let her monk speed carry her up the stairs three at a time. It was in front of the door that her energy left her and she could feel her hands getting clammy.
Undecided, Beau clawed at her hair, walked in a circle, chewed her lip. Come on, Beau, you can do this. You can't do straight any longer. It's only the scariest conversation of your life. Gods, you're SUCH a dick, and not even the fun, drawn kind. Fjord's right, you gotta face what you did, you gotta explain, clear this up... you're a fucking Expositor, you can and you WILL do this-
"Beau, I can hear you pacing outside, you know," came Jester's muffled voice through the closed door. "You're not exactly quiet."
Beau cursed and froze. "Uh... can I... come in?"
"...yeah."
For all her speed and precision, Beau opened the door calmly and practically. It fell closed behind her and she stood before it, watching Jester sit cross-legged on the bed with a book open in her lap, fiddling with a pen. This time, Jester didn't shy away from meeting her eyes.
"So," Beau started, stock-still. "I... I owe you a truth. And an apology."
"I know you and Fjord weren't real. I don't know why you did it, but... I knew this wasn't a thing." Jester looked at her book, thumbs playing with the edge of the pages. "So... why did you lie to me about it?"
The sound of her voice was the worst thing Beau had ever experienced. Well, right after losing Molly. And failing to save Yasha. And... well, it was pretty damn terrible, at least, to hear the hurt Jester tried to only half-hide away.
"I... it's hard to explain."
"I thought we were best friends." Gods, Jester sounded so small . She was normally so vibrant, so intense, and Beau had done this. Had diminished her. She felt like the worst being in the world.
Quickly crossing the room, Beau sat at the edge of Jester's bed, wringing her hands.
"Look, this whole thing... it was stupid, and it was my fault. Fjord just went along with it, because he's the best guy ever and I really shouldn't have made him do this, but I did and... you didn't deserve that, being lied to. I'm so sorry."
Jester didn't look up from her book, but her gaze seemed farther away, as if contemplating something. "So, why do it?"
"Because I'm a terrible, selfish person and-"
" Beau , stop," Jester admonished, the first note of anger showing beneath the sadness. "I told you to not do that!"
"Sorry."
A sigh. "Just tell me. ...Was it something I did?"
"No!... yes. No. I... ugh."
There was finally a wry smile and the tiniest giggle. "You have to choose at some point."
"It wasn't something you did, specifically, it was more many things over... okay, no, I'm starting this totally wrong. Fuck." Beau placed her elbows on her knees and rubbed at her face, hard. She was bungling this so bad!
And then the dam just broke.
"We were sitting at the tavern, remember? And I asked you if you liked Fjord, and you kinda said no and then you asked me why and I was... I was panicking, okay? I... was saying that stupid shit because I was panicking because... because I like you. And I didn't want you to know. And I made this elaborate lie up and Fjord went along, because I was too much of a coward to tell you the actual truth, because that's what I do, you know, to protect myself... I lie. And it was shitty and I'm sorry for hurting you or making you think you're not the best friend I ever had. Because you are, you know? And... I wanna stay your friend. I don't want to make it weird." At the end, Beau couldn't hide the absolute, bitter despair at the thought of that happening.
There was several seconds of silence and Beau felt fucking years pass in that time. She only managed to look up at Jester, when there was a quiet "Oh" coming from her.
"Yeah." Beau threw up her hands, half-hearted and exhausted. "That's it."
More painful silence that had Beau contemplating the need to talk to Caduceus about doing something about the amount of acid churning in her gut, when Jester started talking again.
"You like me? You mean... like like me?"
"Yeah. I like like you," Beau muttered towards the floor.
"Oh. Wow."
"Mh hm."
A rustling sound caught her ear and Beau watched as Jester closed her book and put it aside, then swinging her legs towards the edge of the bed and sitting there, parallel to the monk. Jester was softly swinging her calves, seemingly still thinking about something and obviously caught off guard, considering how much she was chewing on her lip with fanged teeth.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think-... yeah. I didn't think. At first I believed it was just a crush, you know? I don't do feelings. We were best friends in a way and then things got muddled and I shoved it aside, but it.... it just didn't go away. It got worse and I was overwhelmed and, uh, I just didn't want to burden you. You're not into women. I mean... you talk about romance and such shit all the time and what could I even offer you? And most of all, it just didn't fit. I couldn't just shove this upon you. You deserve a fairytale, Jester. The whole she-bang and all."
Jester burst into giggles at that, leaving Beau confused and a little hurt. But as quickly as they game, they stopped again and before she knew it, Beau's face was framed by Jester's hands, who turned it towards her.
"Beau," Jester said, full of the admonishment only she was capable of, "you are so smart, but you can be such a big, dramatic idiot."
"Uhm."
"Don't you know by now? I write stories. I made a super powerful hag my friend. I am the coolest cleric and friend of a god that I made!" There was the faintest hint of shadow at the memory of that reveal, but she grinned brightly, and then, as if telling Beau a secret, said something that put everything into perspective.
"I make my own fairy tales."
And wasn't that the truth.
Beau's eyes widened, as if confronted by some ancient wisdom (and wasn't it in a way? Maybe not ancient, but wisdom and truth all wrapped in a neat, little package) and then slumped.
"Shit. Yeah. Fuck, I'm an idiot. I'm sorry, Jester. I shouldn't have hid this."
"It's okay," the tiefling replied with a smile and patted Beau's cheek after releasing it, "it's kinda cute, when you think about it."
"Ew, no, it isn't."
"It's a little bit."
Beau grunted, but couldn't argue against it. Jester wasn't pissed. Jester wasn't disgusted. Jester just sat there, a look of satisfaction and airiness about her and Beau felt hit by a wave of relief that nearly made her tear up. While she would always pine for the blue tiefling that was not quite what she envisioned when she imagined who might steal her heart (and how poetic it was, a cleric of trickery and chaos, just wal t zing into her life with a hop-skip and snatching it right out of her chest like candy), she was most thankful for the fact that her love was accepted and not shunned. It was enough. It would have to be enough.
And the she remembered something else.
"Oh fuck, I will have to tell the others something. That's gonna be awkward as hell ..." And then, "oh no, Jester, I can't tell them! This is about you too!"
"Oh yeah, it's gonna be SO awkward, but why is it a problem because of me?"
Beau jumped up and paced, then turned back to Jester and spread her arms. "Because I will have to tell them I'm in love with you and then things are going to be even more awkward and Veth was already so weird about it when I told her... Jester? Are you listening?"
The tiefling was staring at Beau with an open mouth and a blush and it was really starting to confuse the hell out of the monk. And- Oh no, was this about Veth?! Fucking fuck, that was another secret she had spilled, this time she REALLY was worse than the small walking hazard about keeping her mouth shut, idiot!
"You really love me?" Jester whispered and Beau lowered her arms, feeling put on the spot.
"Yeah, I... that's what I said. When I meant like like... that's still what that means, right?"
"I just..." Jester never finished her sentence, simply pressing her hand over her own mouth as if overwhelmed suddenly with the news, staring at Beau as if seeing something new.
Beau swallowed hard, not knowing how to react.
"Sorry, it just kind of hit me right now. What that means."
"Is it... is it ok with you? That I feel that way?"
"Yes! Beau, yes, of course it is!" Jester jumped up when she saw Beau waver and clutched at her shoulders, clearly becoming aware of how stressful this really must have been for the tough-as-nails monk.
They were fluctuating wildly between awkward hesitance with the new revelations and the comforts of knowing each other so well and it was wreaking havoc on Beau's equilibrium. She wanted to punch something, but not out of anger, just to get the excess energy out, so make things not seem so off balance anymore.
"So..." Jester was biting her lip again, shyly.
"So."
Looking up from under her lashes, Jester looked like she came right out of one of her romance novels to wrap the lead character right around her finger. Just that the wrapping around had already happened way before. Beau nearly swooned.
What made her less swoon and more fear for her life, was the mischievous smile Jester sported now. "So, you want to kiss me and stuff?"
Beau couldn't help it. She blushed . Suave monk, her ass.
"Kinda, yeah."
Jester hummed, seemingly satisfied. Then she turned and went to the door. "Cool, let's go downstairs, I'm not gonna miss lunch, they made cinnamon buns as dessert!"
Beau watched as Jester vanished, blinking owlishly at the door where Jester had vanished through. Leaving her just standing here. Kind of in a way emotionally cock-blocked that just had her reeling... and then she couldn't help but laugh about the whole thing.
" Uniquely Jester," Beau snickered, shaking her head.
That's what you get for falling for a trickery cleric.
____________
In the end, telling the Nein about the whole disastrous setup went over much smoother than expected. Veth was mollified by being right and Caleb just shrugged the whole thing off. Caduceus was smiling and enigmatic as ever, and Yasha sent Beau a sad, empathetic look about the whole "being unlucky in love" thing. Fjord was simply relieved that the theater was finally over. Geez, she owed him a million drinks and more.
An apology later and things were back to the way they were supposed to be.
Throughout the whole dinner, Jester sat close beside her and chatted the afternoon away. Whenever Beau turned to catch her gaze, it would be somewhere else. Were they ok? It seemed so. But Jester still seemed weirdly evasive despite sitting so close to her and it had a weird mix of feelings churn in her gut.
So as the evening got closer, Beau sat next to a table on a wooden bench, one foot up and one on the ground, sole jittering up and down, while she tried to read one of her notebooks. Jester had vanished somewhere a while ago. Some of the others had to. The calm should have been more settling than it was.
Concentrating was hard. It felt like the whole world had shifted on its axis, then back, but now something wasn't sitting right. Or was it?
The orange glare of the sunset stung in her eyes and she turned away from the window.
Only to nearly screech at an enthusiastic Jester straddling the bench right in front of her.
"So, Beau!"
It sounded like the start of a longer statement, so Beau placed her book on the table and gave Jester her full attention, kind of caught of guard.
"Uh... so?"
"You can kiss me now."
Beau's whole thought process stumbled, then stuttered to a grinding halt. What?! "...What?"
"You wanted to kiss me, so you can. Right now." Then more quiet, "if you want, I mean."
Beau just stared, mouth open, brain erupting with steam and thoughts just circling down a drain without chance for rescue.
Kiss her. Just like that.
And then the Expositor in her kicked her sharply in the shin and pointed sternly at what was presented to her.
Jester was fiddling with her hands, twisting her fingers into her skirt over and over again, even though she sat upright as if utterly decisive. Her words had been sure, but Beau could see the frayed vulnerability shining through now, could see the fear of rejection written in the way she tried not to lower her gaze to the ground. Could see the endearing blush and the way the sunset glittered on her lips that held a fresh layer of uncolored shine to them, as if this was planned.
The sunset. The way the light was just the right golden hue, how it covered the both of them in its haze and how the window framed them perfectly before the long stretch of golden-blue water that covered the horizon behind the beach.
Right out of a picture book.
Beau couldn't help her chuckle. Of course - Jester wrote her own fairy tales.
Who was she to deny her?
Beau leaned forward and gently placed her lips against Jester's, softly and intentionally, in as sweet a kiss as her rough persona was capable of. She could feel the soft gasp, the moment of hesitation, the soft acquiescence that came with a sigh of relief. She took Jester's hands softly into her own and calmed when they squeezed back.
It was the best moment of Beau's entire life, condensed into a few seconds. Then she leaned back and pressed her lips together, giddy in ways she had never felt before.
Jester looked as if she was dreaming, eyes closed and breathing softly, fully flushed. It gave Beau a wicked sense of accomplishment. Still got it, sport!
"So... does that mean..." she started, unsure if she wanted to break the moment, but still hyped up on endorphins that were making her brain go blah .
"I think I like -like you too, Beau," Jester burst out, opening her eyes and clutching their hands close. "I think I have a while? I'm not sure, it's all so weird and new, but you make me feel so safe and giddy and warm and good and I trust you so much and you are really hot and I got so jealous with you and Fjord and I didn't know what to do about that and I talked to Veth and she got all weird and it was all so confusing and- hmmpf. "
Lesson number 1 Beau would learn: Shutting your rambling girlfriend up with kisses works every damn time.
There was a lot of lessons Beau would learn. Most great, some not so good.
Beau cherished each and every one of them.
After all, even idiots can have their fairy tale sometimes.