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After a long day of unsuccessfully running around the city in search of two fugitives and juggling two other cases, on top of training a new detective that’s a bit too eager to pitch in despite his lack of knowledge, Nick is ready for sleep. His eyes feel heavy like he hasn’t blinked in hours, and there’s a creeping ache itching over his thigh where he ran into a stationary bicycle mid-chase. He wants to sleep for five days and never wake up, but unfortunately, with only one of the fugitives in a cell, they need to be alert in case the crew on the night search finds anything. So he stays at the precinct and heads up to the crib to gather as much sleep as he can.
When Nick arrives there, a few others are already settled on beds and huddled under their coats or a blanket. Amanda sits on one of the beds against the wall adjacent to the door and looks up from untying her shoes when he enters. She nods to him and offers a brief, tired smile. Nick nods in return and heads to an empty bed on the far wall. He keeps his shoes on but folds his jacket up neatly so he can rest his head on it. The silence is soothing, broken by an occasional sigh or shuffle over the covers from another officer, but not enough to disturb his rest.
Nick lies down on his back and looks at the ceiling. He had to have stopped by at least three of the city’s famous landmarks, broke ten traffic laws, had two false alarms, and only three bites of a slice of pizza before they were called out again. One more event and he could parody “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Barba had been limited with his assistance because of two other cases occupying his time, including one with a nearly concluding trial, and any attempts Carisi had made to provide what little law knowledge he had was taken with a grain of salt. Liv had already scolded him and Amanda for teasing him about it.
Speaking of, Nick glances over at Amanda, who has scooted across the bed and is leaning against the wall. Carisi had been most of her responsibility for the day, so her mental exhaustion must be weighing her down as much as her physical exhaustion. Especially when he walks in, gangly legs and all, and stifles a yawn into her shoulder. He looks tired, more so than his night classes have caused, and barely looks up when Amanda stands and offers the bed she had sat on. Nick can only hear a little bit from the low volume of their voices, but Carisi tries to decline the offer three times before Amanda threatens him to take it with a pointed stare. Carisi plops down on the bed with thanks and curls up on his side, legs folding up as he lays down. Nick feels a swell of pity well in him for a brief moment.
Amanda looks over at him then, and Nick can feel the breath leave his chest when she quietly strides over. The two-way street of their relationship has been a point of interest for both of them since they arrived at SVU. Neither of them was afraid of saying what was on their mind, especially if it ended up getting them in trouble or disagreeing with someone, and they barely balked at the possibility of a fight. In a lot of ways, Nick had started to realize, they were alike, but not enough to make their conversations boring. Amanda had a body built to resist and enjoy spicy foods, she couldn’t properly do a handstand, and for every time he’s witnessed an arm-wrestling contest, she has not lost.
Whatever they are, Nick likes her. He enjoys being around her and having her company, even if they don’t get along, even if they’ve only shared a few nights sans clothes in her apartment and a few stray kisses when the other is supposedly asleep.
“Hi,” Nick whispers to her when she’s close enough and plops down in front of him.
“Hey,” she smiles, crossing her legs. “I hope you weren’t trying to go to sleep.”
Nick shakes his head. “Not right now. Too much on my mind right now.”
“Sounds like you need the perfect destresser.”
He smirks. “Not in this room.”
Amanda chuckles and rolls her eyes. “Gross. I wasn’t talking about that.” She pauses, glances at the bed next to his, and scoots forward. “I thought about going home, hang out with Frannie for a bit, try and destress that way, but my body just feels…” With a long sigh, she props her arms on the side of the bed, the telling signs of a tired frown pulling on her lips.
Nick offers his own answer, something he is definitely feeling in his own limbs. “Like it’s dead?”
“Yeah.” Amanda smiles again. “I don’t think I’m alert enough to drive myself or ride public transportation.”
“After today, I don’t blame you.” He glances over her shoulder to see Carisi, passed out and sprawled out on the bed. “How was your grasshopper?”
Amanda steals a quick glimpse of him. “He’s fine, he’s just eager, y’know? He’s been tossed from three different precincts; I think he just wants to belong.”
Nick had figured as much after actually hearing his story and finding out how Carisi had gotten to Manhattan in the first place. And someone at his age, with so much ahead of them, is sure to be desperate in their search for the right place. “Don’t we all?” He doesn’t realize Amanda is staring at him until he turns on his side. The mix of blue and green in her eyes shines from the dim lights coming from outside the room. Nick finds any thought he had in his head disappearing; his mouth moves on its own accord. “Are you cold?”
Amanda blinks owlishly and sits up straight. “What?”
“Are you cold?”
“Well, yeah, it’s December.”
Nick gestures to her hands stuffed far into her pockets. “And sitting on the floor. And shivering.”
She scowls and crosses her arms, as if trying to prove a point different from what he was sharing. “Shut up. Unless you’re gonna do something about it.”
There was something simultaneously comical and tender about Amanda when she was angry enough to unconsciously thicken her accent. But now, with her pout growing more defensive and her fences rising higher, he wants nothing more than to assure her that he means no harm. He’s just a tired idiot with affection as subtle for her as she has for him. “Depends. Do you want me to?”
Amanda doesn’t answer immediately. She sits on her knees and plays with the bun tied at the back of her head. She keeps certain emotions at arm’s length so that she can keep an eye on them and make sure they affect her as little as possible. It feels almost surreal that she would consider the offer, if only because doing so would be acknowledging the questions they had long been avoiding.
Nick is forming a comment that would take it back and remove whatever he had been asking for before Amanda stands and nods to the other side of the cot. “Scoot over before I change my mind.” When he moves back and clears a spot for her, she huffs and pushes him over herself. Nick lets out a surprised grunt when he finds himself suddenly shoved aside and face-to-face with Amanda’s chin. He can feel her chest flush against him—the same chest he’s massaged and explored and kissed until his mouth went dry—and her legs—the same legs she pins him down with when she jumps in his lap until she works them both over—tangle between his. Her body heat seeps through their clothes and tingles his skin. Nick tries not to shiver as she wraps an arm around his waist, just like the nights they spend together, when they’re spent and too tired to move and only have each other for company.
“Is this okay?” She whispers in his ear. Nick swallows and nods, curving into her embrace. Amanda hums in lieu of responding and rests her head against his shoulder. Her hair tickles his skin and teases his cheek with a playful bob, so gentle despite how brass her personality can be, so forward for a woman who rarely ever hesitates to speak.
“This is very okay,” he finally manages. Amanda’s arm squeezes around his middle, and he rotates so he can lay on his other side, effectively spooning her arm over him. It feels…safe, something he hasn’t felt for a long time. It’s a breath of relief he didn’t know he had been holding in. Maybe he felt this once with Maria. Maybe he saw it when he was a dumb teenager who thought he would end up marrying his prom date. But this time, it’s the right fit. He wouldn’t say he loves her. But the waves of emotion flowing from his heart are definite adoration, pure affection, delightful relief.
Nick can’t remember when he drifts off. He simply disappears into Amanda’s arms and lets their fingers tangle together, as they were supposed to all along.