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"You're totally sure it's edible?" Dean said, eyeing the burger in his hands dubiously. Sure, it smelt delicious, but so had the Biggerson's Turducken burger, and that had turned Dean into a stoned idiot, and had been filled with skeevy grey Leviathan goo.
Cas smiled at his reticence, and chided him; "Yes, Dean. It is completely edible. I am aware of how much you adore red meat, and although I understand your love of cheeseburgers-" (Dean scoffed, entirely sure that no one understood quite what the combo of the succulent beef, relish and thick cheese did to his tastebuds) "-but you are no longer young, and your metabolism has slowed accordingly. The height of your cholesterol levels is no insignificant matter. I believe you will agree that it is unacceptable that you may die from such an ignoble foe, after surviving so many supernatural disasters. I do not wish to witness you having a heart attack whilst chasing some creature."
Dean's gaze softened at the genuine distress in Cas' voice. This was the main problem with being in a relationship with someone you truly loved. It meant someone you cared deeply for was constantly worried over you, and it made you soft. Less likely to take risks, because you didn't want to disappoint them. With a long-suffering sigh, Dean conceded to Cas' point, and took a tentative bite out of the ostrich burger. As much as Dean had loved the idea of being in love with Lisa, he had never really experienced it until Cas. It was as powerful as his love for Sammy, but with an unfamiliar shape. Like two different types of pie from the same bakery- just as excellent as each other, but different flavours.
They had found themselves at a Farmer's Fair - Sammy had spied the sign announcing one on the road out of the hick town they just finished ridding a poltergeist from. Having nothing else on the agenda, they had been planning to head back to the bunker via a visit to check up on Garth. But Sammy's puppy dog eyes had won out, and Dean had reluctantly stopped in at the fair first. It was ridiculous that technique even still worked - Sam was over 30 years old, for Christ's sake.
But nethertheless, here they were, and Dean had been treated to a large slice of organic peach cobbler with soya cream. Cas agreed to let him get the pie as long as he tried out this burger instead of his usual choice. Now Dean was taking a bite out of an overgrown African bird, reconstituted into a flame-grilled burger with spicy salsa relish. He chowed down for a moment, then let out the kind of moan more commonly heard coming from Dean and Cas' bedroom.
Cas grinned widely, recognising the look of satisfaction flooding across Dean's face.
"Oh, god." Dean groaned, "This is ah-may-zing."
He took a giant bite of the bun, ignoring the disgusted look on Sam's face when he deposited his (re-usable, hemp) shopping bags on their picnic table.
"Dude," he said, "Are you eating that sandwich or making love to it?"
"Shaddup S'mmeh." Dean muttered around his mouthful, before sucking on his fingertips to get the last vestiges of flavour. "S'like love and sunshine made into a patty."
Sam rolled his eyes in amused disbelief, but Dean ignored him. The only reason they were even here was so Sammy could go and cream himself over organic aubergines and bean sprouts. Begrudging Dean for being introduced to the tastiest bird god had ever created while he was at it, was just not cool.
"Are you alright, Cas? I think Dean is cheating on you with his cheeseburger." Sam said, in full bitch mode.
"Actually Sam, it is a cheeseburger alternative that I myself recommended. Would you like me to purchase you an ostrich burger, Sam? It is a very lean red meat. Actually more nutritional than the grilled chicken you enjoy." Cas replied without missing a beat.
Sam blinked in surprise at that little factoid. Dean grinned widely at his boyfriend, grateful for him having his back in all matters, from hunting to produce choices.
"Uh, sure Cas. Thanks." said Sam, and Cas rose to do as he had stated.
"You would prefer mayonnaise to the relish I will be getting for Dean, yes?"
Sam nodded, whilst Dean, who had been savouring his last bite of meaty deliciousness, let out a happy moan.
"I f'ckin love yuh, Cas." Dean mumbled with his mouth still full.
"I know," said Cas, pausing to drop a sweet kiss to Dean's forehead as he stepped around their table.
Cas came back quickly enough, and Dean was too distracted by his second burger to watch Sam bite into his, but he couldn't miss his brother's surprised exclaim.
"I know right," groaned Dean, and Sam was so impressed by the burger, he forgot to be grossed out by Dean's table manners.
Once they were done eating, Dean went back to the burger stall to invest in several packages of ostrich burgers and sausages to take home.
The new meat soon became a staple order from the ostrich farm, since Dean was all too happy with the beef substitute, and Cas and Sam were pleased with the healthier alternative. Eventually, beef became more of a special occasion food, for birthdays and holidays - Sam appreciated a good steak now and again, and even Cas learnt to bake a mean steak and kidney pie, which became an annual addition beside the turkey at Thanksgiving. Though Dean still loved cheeseburgers, a little experimentation in the bunker's kitchen resulted in a great ostrich version.
And if Cas used his remaining spark of grace to occasionally reduce Dean's body fat index whilst the other man was sleeping, well, that was his little secret. Because when it came down to it, Cas didn't like his chances of trying to reduce the amount of pie Dean consumed.