Archive of Our Own

“Why am I always the one who has to drive?” Karin says, glaring at Sasuke as he and Suigetsu climb into the backseat of her Prius.

“I can drive,” Suigetsu says immediately, moving to get out of the car again.

“Absolutely not,” Karin says, and pulls into the road.

“Karin, if it bothers you, we can all take turns driving,” Juugo says calmly from the front seat.

“I don’t think so! I don’t think Sasuke even has a license.”

“As if I need one,” Sasuke says.

“How do you even buy alcohol?”

“Juugo buys it for me.”

“Shut up and drive and stop complaining,” Suigetsu says, thumping the back of Karin’s seat with his white high-top Converse. “We’re going to your shitty thing anyway. What is it again?”

“I told you,” Karin says, as she stops at a red light. “We’re going to my cousin’s birthday party, because our family is super messed up, but we just got back in touch and he’s around my age and we’re both making an effort. Okay? But I don’t know any of his friends, so I’m bringing you losers so I’m not totally bored.” She glares at Sasuke and Suigetsu in the rearview mirror. “You two, behave.”

“I always behave,” Sasuke says.

The party is at an unassuming house near the university. Karin double checks the address, then drives around the block to find a parking spot. There are a lot of cars. Karin’s cousin is popular, it seems.

Karin gets out of the car and looks Sasuke up and down. She sighs. “I said to dress for a party.”

“I am dressed for a party,” Sasuke says. He’s wearing a black hoodie and violet skinny jeans.

(“You look like a Hot Topic reject desperately clinging to 2009,” Suigetsu said, earlier.

“You look like a baby faced twink who can’t get into the leather club,” Sasuke immediately shot back, flat ironing his bangs in the mirror.

“Thanks,” Suigetsu said with a grin, and smacked Sasuke’s butt on his way past.)

“Okay, whatever,” Karin says. She adjusts her blazer. “Let’s go.”

Inside, the house is crowded and dimly lit. Music pulses from the living room, where there’s an improptu dance floor set up, and a makeshift bar crowded with all sorts of drinks. Honestly, Sasuke thought that he’d left this sort of thing behind when he graduated college.

Someone jostles Sasuke, and he barely avoids being drenched in half a Solo cup of sprite and cheap vodka.

“Is your cousin in a frat? ” Sasuke asks bitingly, turning to Karin, but she’s gone.

“Did you see where she went?” he asks Suigetsu, who just shrugs.

Sasuke sighs and pushes his way through to the kitchen, which is a little less crowded. Most of the people seem to have congregated out in the main space. Typical.

“Want something to drink?” Suigetsu asks.

“Sure.” Suigetsu mixes amazing cocktails, despite never drinking anything but water himself. It’s sort of freaky.

“Cool,” Suigetsu says, and immediately vanishes back into the ill-lit crowd.

Sasuke sits on the tile counter and examines his nails. They’re painted black; he did them yesterday. It’s really just like Karin to drag him to a bad party where he knows no one and then abandon him. Even Juugo is gone.

He imagines what Karin would say if he complained to her. God, you’re such a loner, Sasuke. Socialize! Make some friends!

Sasuke hates socializing and he has enough friends, thanks. Terrible advice as always, Karin.

“Hey,” someone says, and Sasuke turns to see a hot buff blonde guy leaning on the counter and grinning at him. Like, he’s hot. Sasuke is a little taken aback.

“You look familiar. Have I seen you around before?” Blonde Guy continues, still smiling.

He’s so totally not Sasuke’s type. Everything about him screams loud and abrasive and he’s in Sasuke’s space but like, that white t-shirt really works on him, even with the puffy orange jacket tied around his waist. His arms are nice and Sasuke has a sudden image of this guy pushing him up against a wall and—

“I don’t know you,” Sasuke says icily.

Blonde Guy raises his eyebrows, but doesn’t move. “Dude, you’re on my counter, you could be a little less rude.”

His counter. Huh. “It’s your birthday?”

“Yeah! I’m Naruto. Nice to meet you.” He holds out a hand, grinning even bigger. Sasuke wants to wipe that confident smile right off his face.

“Hn,” Sasuke says, but shakes his hand. It is his birthday, after all.

“And you are...?”

“Sasuke.”

“Naruto!” A girl with pink hair beelines for Naruto from across the kitchen. “We’ve been looking for you. Kiba wants you on his team for beer pong.”

“Tell him I’m talking to Sasuke!”

“Who’s Sasuke?”

This is intolerable. Sasuke moves to hop off the counter, but Naruto stops him with a hand on his thigh. His hand is large. And warm. Sasuke stops more out of surprise than anything else.

“Hang on, don’t leave yet,” Naruto says, then he seems to realize that his hand is on Sasuke’s thigh, because he sort of blushes and takes it away. “I’ll be there in a minute, Sakura!” he calls over his shoulder, then turns back to Sasuke. He’s still right in his space.

“Were you trying to use a pick up line on me?” Sasuke asks.

“When?”

“When you first came over here.”

Naruto rubs the back of his neck. “Maybe.”

“It was a terrible line. It didn’t work.”

“You’re talking to me, aren’t you?”

Sasuke sighs. “Maybe.”

“You still haven’t said happy birthday,” Naruto says. He tilts his hand to the side expectantly.  

“No thank you,” Sasuke says.

“Wow. He sits on my counter and won’t even wish me a happy birthday? What am I supposed to do?”

“You could leave me alone,” Sasuke says. He brushes his hair out of his face. He doesn’t really want Naruto to leave him alone. “I have a b—”

“Hey, I love your nails!” Naruto grabs his hand. “That’s so cool. I always want to do mine but I always mess them up. My friend says it takes practice, but I just don’t have the patience for it, you know?”

“I have the patience.” Sasuke’s skin tingles under Naruto’s fingers.

“So why are you in my kitchen?”

“It was too crowded in the living room.”

“No, like, who brought you here? If I’ve really never met you before.”

“Oh. Karin. Your cousin, I guess.”

“Oh!” Naruto brightens, if that’s possible. “I’m so glad she made it!”

“Sasuke!” Suigetsu appears behind Naruto, drink in hand. Sasuke feels a weird mixture of relief and dismay. Naruto lets go of Sasuke’s hand.

“Here you go,” Suigetsu says, pushing past Naruto and handing Sasuke the red cup. “I made you something with vodka, and I also snooped around in some of the upstairs bedrooms, you wouldn’t believe—”

“Hey, you’re not allowed to go upstairs,” Naruto says.

“Who are you? The party police?”

“This is my house,” Naruto says. “Are you one of Karin’s friends too?”

“This is my boyfriend,” Sasuke says.

Naruto goes a little pale. “Oh. Okay.” He steps back and bumps into Karin.

“Oh my god, there you are,” she says, seeing Sasuke. “Where the fuck did you go? I turned around and you were gone! Hi, Naruto,” she says, and hugs him. “Happy birthday. How’s it going?”

“I said you could bring friends, Karin, not assholes.”

“All my friends are assholes. How’s grad school?”

Suigetsu turns to Sasuke and waggles his eyebrows. “Karin’s cousin is kind of a snack.”

“Whatever,” Sasuke says, and gets down off the counter and leaves the room, letting Suigetsu follow or not, as he pleases.

—

Sasuke’s already four vodka tonics in when he hears a familiar voice.

“Sasuke? Hey, Sasuke!”

He looks over to see Naruto waving at him from the other end of the bar.

“Ugh,” Sasuke says quietly. It’s been a week since the party. He wonders if he can maybe hide and escape detection. Like a crab in the sand. Do crabs do that? Is Naruto smarter than a... than whatever eats crabs? Fuck.

“Sasuke!” Naruto’s large hand is on his shoulder. He’s very close.

“What are you doing here?” Sasuke asks.

“Getting a drink. What are you doing here?”

“What does it look like?” Sasuke tries to glare at him, but he’s not sure if he gets it right. He’s too drunk to be talking to Naruto. Fuck, he’s so hot.

“It looks like you’re drinking alone.” Naruto hops up onto the barstool next to Sasuke. “Now you’re drinking with me!”

“I’m not alone,” Sasuke mumbles.

“Do you come here often?” Naruto asks. His drink is bright pink. So is his mouth.

“Is that another pick up line?”

Naruto laughs.

“Because if it is it’s not very good,” Sasuke says, taking another sip.

“Maybe this is where I’ve seen you before. I thought you looked familiar!”

“Doubt it,” Sasuke mumbles. “I’m unrecognizable.”

“I think I’d recognize you anywhere,” Naruto says, and then, thank god, Juugo comes back from the bathroom. He sits down on Sasuke’s other side and looks curiously at Naruto.

“Hi, I’m Naruto,” Naruto says with a friendly smile, leaning across Sasuke. He’s so fucking friendly. Fuck.

“I remember you. You’re Karin’s cousin,” Juugo says, shaking his hand.

“Don’t talk to him,” Sasuke groans. Naruto really is leaning on him. It feels nice.

“It’s nice to see you again,” Juugo says. “Happy belated birthday.”

“Hey, thanks, man! You were at my party, right?”

Sasuke stops listening. He tries to flag down the bartender so he can pay his tab and leave , but Naruto’s pinning down his arm, and the bartender is busy with customers at the other end of the bar and doesn’t notice his desperate eye signals.

This bar is practically on campus; Sasuke comes here because it’s cheap. He hadn’t counted on actual students from the university coming too. What does Naruto study again? He can’t be bothered to remember.

“I’m getting my masters’ in counseling,” Naruto says to Juugo. “I really wanna work with kids.”

It’s loud in the bar, and he’s practically in Sasuke’s lap. Hmm.

Sasuke has spent all week not thinking about Naruto. It’s easy. Naruto is not memorable. Sasuke has no trouble at all putting him out of his mind. Sasuke has a good relationship that he’s put a lot of effort into for the past two years. He likes his boyfriend. He does not need or want Naruto, in any capacity.

He leans back against Naruto just as hard. “Get off me,” he means to say, but somehow the words don’t quite make it past his lips.

Naruto doesn’t seem to notice, or mind. He continues talking to Juugo just as loudly as before. Juugo works with therapy animals at the children’s hospital, so of course Naruto asks him a million inane questions about his job, acting interested and personable and charismatic. Sasuke rolls his eyes. He hates this. He orders another vodka tonic.

“What are you drinking?” Naruto asks. Sasuke silently pushes the glass over to him.

Naruto takes a sip and makes a face. “That’s disgusting.”

“Well, not everyone likes drinking obnoxious fruit things.” He throws a side-eyed look at Naruto’s glass.

“Dude, you’re missing out,” Naruto says, and drains his glass. “Anyway, you guys should totally come over and hang out sometime! You’d love my roommates.”

“No,” Sasuke says.

“So what about you, Sasuke? What do you do?” Naruto asks.

“Don’t talk to me.” Sasuke turns his head away.

“He works at a pet store,” Juugo supplies helpfully. “And he’s also a writer.”

“Whoa, really? That’s so cool!”

“I’m very funny,” Sasuke says. He sips his drink.

“That’s so fascinating,” Naruto says, resting his elbow on the bar and leaning his head on his hand. He’s wearing a bunch of bracelets, like a braided leather thing and a bunch of ancient friendship bracelets. Sasuke hates it. “Would I have heard of anything you’ve written?”

“I doubt it,” Sasuke mutters. “It’s high-brow.”

“Yeah, your eyebrows are weirdly high,” Naruto says, toying with his straw. His glass is empty. There’s a maraschino cherry resting on the ice.

“Can I have your cherry?” Sasuke reaches for it.

“What? Oh, okay.”

Sasuke pulls the stem off and drops the cherry back in Naruto’s glass.

“You’re not going to eat it?”

“I don’t like sweet things.” He sticks the stem in his mouth. It’s been a long time since he’s tied a knot with his tongue. He learned to do it as a teenager, from the misguided belief that he ever might want to impress someone.

He still remembers how, though. He presents the knotted stem to Naruto with a small flourish of his hand. “Ta da,” he says dryly.

“Wow,” Naruto says. He takes the stem. “Are you secretly a frog?”

“What? No,” Sasuke says. He feels like he’s watching himself from a different plane.

“Frogs have big long tongues,” Naruto clarifies.

“Interesting,” Juugo says. “I didn’t know you could do that, Sasuke.”

“There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” Sasuke says. He glances at Naruto. He’s screaming inside. What the fuck.

“Like what?” Naruto asks.

“You don’t have the necessary clearance level.” Sasuke smirks at him.

“I have a pet frog,” Naruto announces. “Actually, he’s technically a toad. His name is Gamakichi. You should come over and meet him sometime!”

“Stop trying to get me into your bedroom,” Sasuke says. He sucks his straw into his mouth.

Naruto’s mouth drops open. “I’m not!”

“Please. I’ve heard less transparent excuses than ‘come meet my toad.’”

“Gamakichi does live in my bedroom, so you’d have to come in to say hi to him. You can’t really touch him, because his skin is sort of toxic, but you can watch him eat. He likes mealworms.”

“You sure know how to talk up a guy.”

“I do, actually.” Naruto leans on the bar. “You’d know if I was doing it.”

“I doubt it.”

Naruto grins at him, infuriatingly.

Sasuke huffs and turns back to his drink. “Prove it. Mealworm boy. Scaredycat.”

“How many of those have you had?” Juugo asks.

Sasuke counts on his fingers and then waggles them at Juugo. “Five.”

“Kind of a low alcohol tolerance,” Naruto says.

“Fuck you. I could drink you under the table.”

“I don’t think you could.” Naruto is laughing at him. Sasuke wants to wipe the smile off his face.

“Oh yeah? Let’s try it. I challenge you. Right now. Man up, or what, are you too chicken? I could beat you any day.”

“I think maybe you should take him home,” Naruto says to Juugo.

“No,” Sasuke protests.

“Yes,” Juugo says. He’s already paying their tab.  “Good idea. It was really nice to talk to you, Naruto,” he adds, hauling Sasuke out of his seat.

“Goodbye,” Sasuke says. He touches Naruto’s arm. He really wants to touch him.

“Bye,” Naruto says, smiling at him.

“Why were you flirting with him?” Juugo asks, later, as he drives Sasuke home. The cold night air was a little sobering, but Sasuke’s still swimming in warmth.

“I wasn’t flirting.”

Juugo gives him an inquisitive but non-judgemental look. “What were you doing, then?”

He wasn’t flirting. And anyway. What’s wrong with flirting, if he was? Suigetsu flirts with people all the time. All the time, but he’s still fully committed to Sasuke. Sasuke never flirts with anyone and he’s never been interested in anyone but his boyfriend.

Fuck.

“Fuck you. I was being friendly.”

“You’re never friendly.”

“Fuck off.”

“You’re drunk,” Juugo decides, and lets it go.

—

Unknown Number >> hi sasuke! :)

Sasuke >> who is this

Unknown Number >> naruto :)

Sasuke >> how did you get this number

Unknown Number >> you gave it to me! last night

Sasuke >> I don’t recall.

Unknown Number >> you were pretty drunk haha

Sasuke >> I have bad judgement when I’m drunk

Unknown Number >> dude me too

Sasuke >> fuck off. don’t contact me

—

They’re over at Karin’s place, ostensibly watching a movie, but mostly they’re on their phones. Only Juugo is actually paying attention to whatever vapid rom-com Karin chose. It was her turn to pick what they watched.

Sasuke is on Karin’s Instagram, scrolling through her followers. He’s just curious, that’s all.

His heart jumps a little when he sees the name Naruto Uzumaki. Not that he was looking for him. Or expecting to find him. Or anything. He was just wondering. What does Naruto post? Idiot stuff, probably. Selfies and group shots with friends. Popular stuff. Sasuke can imagine.

Naruto has over 500 followers, but his profile is private. What the fuck.

The profile picture is definitely him, though. He looks like he’s shirtless, and on a beach somewhere, cheesing it for the camera. His bio is just a string of emojis. Sasuke rolls his eyes. He locks his phone and puts it down. He tries to watch the movie. It’s intolerable.

He picks up his phone again and sends Naruto a follow request.

Suigetsu pokes his leg. “Hey, get us some more popcorn.”

“No,” Sasuke says, but he gets up and gets some more anyway.

“Thanks, babe,” Suigetsu says, leaning over to grab a handful and to kiss Sasuke’s cheek.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Thanks, bitch.”

“Hey, Naruto invited us all to hang out on Tuesday,” Karin says, tapping away at her phone. Sasuke physically feels his stomach drop.

“Who’s Naruto?” Suigetsu is hanging off the couch upside down, his head on the floor.

“You’re so dumb. Naruto, my cousin? We went to his party?”

“Oh, the hot one. Yeah, we can go.”

“I have work,” Sasuke lies.

“Sasuke, writers don’t have schedules. Don’t be an asshole. Besides, it won’t go super late, he said he has class in the morning. He wants to get to know my friends! We’re both making an effort!”

So on Tuesday Sasuke finds himself on Naruto’s couch, in the very same living room that had been full of people and drenched in beer the last time he was here.

There’s less beer now, and more light. It’s actually a pretty nice place. Naruto introduced his roommates — Sakura, the pink-haired girl that Sasuke remembers from the party, and Sai, a very pale boy wearing a very short crop top — and now they’re all sitting around the coffee table eating Indian takeout. It’s totally fine, and not awkward at all.

“Wait, Sai, you’re an artist?” Suigetsu says, leaning forward, his mouth full of food. His thigh is touching Sasuke’s.

Sai nods.

“Yeah, he’s really good!” Naruto says. “He did that.” He points to a very detailed ink painting hanging on the wall.

“Maybe you could draw me sometime,” Suigetsu says.

“I don’t think so,” Sai says. He smiles. “I only draw beautiful things.”

“I guess you never draw self-portraits, then,” Sasuke says.

Sai gives him a careful once-over. “Small dick energy,” he announces, and turns back to his food.

“Sai,” Naruto says.

“What.”

“Be nice.” Naruto turns to Sasuke and Suigetsu. “Don’t take him seriously. One of the first things he said to me was that I have a tiny dick. He doesn’t mean anything by it.”

“You were really angry, though,” Sakura pipes up.

“Oh yeah, I almost started a fight in the gym showers,” Naruto says, laughing. Sasuke carefully does not picture that, at all.

“And you were there?” Suigetsu asks Sakura.

“No, pervert. Naruto told me about it afterwards.”

“Then Sai called her ugly and she punched him in the face!” Naruto says gleefully.

“I apologized, later.” Sakura does not look sorry.

“It wasn’t the worst introduction I’ve had,” Sai says.

“Sakura’s got a mean right hook,” Naruto says. “She boxes. Flex for them, Sakura.”

Sakura rolls her eyes, but flexes, revealing a defined bicep. Juugo raises his eyebrows admiringly.

“That’s so cool,” Karin says. She’s practically got stars in her eyes. “I’ve always wanted to box. You’re so cool, Sakura. We should hang out more.”

“I’m pretty busy,” Sakura says. Then she seems to realize how that sounded, and backpedals. “But I mean, of course! I’d love to. You should come to my gym sometime! My instructor is pretty tough but she’s really good.”  

Sasuke’s opinion of her goes down. He prefers people who are unabashedly blunt. But he doesn’t blame her for not wanting to hang out with Karin.

“So how did you guys all meet?” Naruto asks, looking at them expectantly.

“We all kind of met through Sasuke, actually,” Karin says. “He and I work together, and he met Suigetsu in college, and then like, his boss used to work with Juugo’s ex-boyfriend? He kind of collects people.”  

“I do not,” Sasuke says. He stabs viciously at his rice.

“That’s awesome,” Naruto says. His gaze lingers on Sasuke. Sasuke ignores him.

“I met these guys in college too,” Naruto continues, grinning at Sakura and Sai. “And Sakura’s in med school now, and I’m obviously getting my masters, and Sai freelances, so we all decided to live together!”

Sasuke misses his attention.

“Freelances in what? Being a slut?” Suigetsu says.

“I do draw erotic art, yes,” Sai says. “Want to see?”

“Oh fuck yeah,” Suigetsu says, practically teleporting to Sai’s side as Sai pulls out his phone.

“Ugh, you’re lucky,” Karin says. “I could never live with these bastards.”

“We don’t want to live with you either,” Sasuke says. He’s sort of glad that Suigetsu isn’t next to him anymore. He sort of misses, him, though, sort of wants Suigetsu to touch him, to stake his claim, to announce to everyone there see, I have a boyfriend, I’m taken.

Naruto is looking at him again, he notices.

“Trust me, you don’t want a couple for roommates,” Sakura says vehemently. “When Naruto was dating his ex, he lived here too, and honestly, it was awful. My room is right next to his.” She glares at Naruto. “I had to wear earphones.”

Suigetsu shrieks. “This is really good! Sai, oh my god. Sasuke, you’ve got to see this.”

“No thanks,” Sasuke says.

“I haven’t seen Gaara in ages,” Sai says pleasantly, letting Suigetsu swipe through his phone. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s good!” Naruto brightens up. “I was just snapping him today.”

“You still talk to your ex?” Sasuke says. “That’s weird.”

“We’re friends! We’ve still got a streak going.”

“Weird,” Sasuke reiterates. He tries not to think about Naruto having loud sex. He really tries. “So why did you break up?”

Naruto shrugs. “We had to do long distance, and it just didn’t work out, you know?”

“Hn.”

Suigestu makes a loud noise. “You do furry art? ”

“Furries are rich,” Sai says. “Look at this one.”

Half an hour later, Sakura and Juugo are arm wrestling on the edge of the table, while Karin, Suigetsu, and Sai are placing bets. Naruto gets up and starts clearing plates.

Sasuke immediately stands too. “I can help.”

Naruto glances at him, surprised. “Thanks. You don’t have to, dude, you’re a guest.”

Sasuke follows him into the kitchen, leaving the others sitting around the coffee table.

“So do you?” Sasuke asks, as he scrapes their plates into the trash.

“Do I what?”

“Have a tiny dick.”

Naruto seems taken aback. “Your boyfriend is here,” he says, after a beat.

Sasuke blinks at him. “And?”

“I won!” Sakura calls, coming into the kitchen with containers of leftovers. Naruto grabs Sasuke’s arm to pull him out of her way. Sasuke hates that he can feel himself flush.

He wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.

“Unless you prove otherwise, I’m going to assume that Sai was telling the truth,” Sasuke says, and goes back into the living room.

—

“I had a really good time,” Suigetsu says, shutting their apartment door behind them. “Karin’s cousin is cool, actually. We should hang out with them more.”

“I don’t think we should,” Sasuke says.

“What, you don’t like him?” Suigetsu doesn’t wait for an answer, wandering away into the kitchen.

Sasuke pauses, toeing off his shoes in the entryway, remembering the heat that shot through him when Naruto touched his arm.

He sets his shoes against the wall and follows Suigetsu into the kitchen, where he’s drinking a glass of water. Suigetsu grins at him.

“Sai is so much fun,” he says.

“I didn’t think so.”

“You don’t like him because he’s too similar to you.”

Sasuke doesn’t dignify that with a response, and instead slips both of his hands into Suigetsu’s back pockets and starts kissing his neck.

Suigetsu makes a surprised noise and sets down his glass. Sasuke squeezes his ass.

He feels like. Like. Like he wants Suigetsu’s whole tongue in his mouth.

“You’re frisky tonight,” Suigetsu says, grinning at him.

“Shut up,” Sasuke says. He bites Suigetsu’s neck. “Do you want to fuck or not?”

On the bed, with Suigetsu over him, Sasuke tries to lose himself. He pushes his face into the pillow and doesn’t think of anything.

Afterwards, staring up at the ceiling, Sasuke still feels like he has an itch he just can’t scratch. The sex was good — it’s always good — and he doesn’t mind that Suigetsu falls asleep after, starfished across the bed as usual. He’s not sure what’s missing.

He hopes that this weird feeling passes, and things can get back to normal.

—

Sasuke is a writer, and he has had some of his pieces published in literary journals, but he also works at Manda’s Reptile Supply Shop. It’s not so bad, because he likes snakes, and he gets to hang out with them and clean their cages and stuff. Last week he spent an hour helping a boy and his dad choose a bearded dragon and going over how to take care of it and everything. He felt really proud afterwards. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone.

His coworkers are all extremely weird, which is fine, because Sasuke mostly keeps to himself. What he hates is the scratchy purple vest he has to wear with the terrible logo stitched on it, and the rickety stool behind the cash register, and—

Sasuke >> kill me
Sasuke >> my bosses are doing their weird foreplay thing again
Sasuke >> I hate this job

They text sometimes now. It’s not a big deal.

Naruto >> i could NEVER kill you sasuke!! >:o
Naruto >> what are they doing lol

Sasuke >> I think they have some kind of master/slave kink thing
Sasuke >> but like 24/7

Naruto >> some people are into that. don’t judge

Sasuke >> I wouldn’t judge if they didn’t do it at WORK

“Mm, Kabuto.” Orochimaru’s voice slithers out of the supply room. “You’re so deliciously cruel.”

“Only for you, my lord,” Kabuto replies lowly.

It should be illegal to have to be subjected to this, Sasuke thinks. He hunches down behind the cash register, his elbows on the counter.

Sasuke >> they fuck during my lunch break sometimes.

Naruto >> o_o how do you know

Sasuke >> the aura of smugness

Naruto >> wait i thot you were a writer?? who are your bosses

Sasuke is typing out his response when the bell above the door tinkles and Sasuke looks up to see— Naruto, phone in hand, frozen in the doorway.

Sasuke’s brain refuses to put two and two together for a moment and he just gapes at Naruto, who is wearing a visor backwards, making his hair stick up even more than it does already. He looks just as surprised as Sasuke does.

Naruto recovers from his shock first. “Sasuke?”

Sasuke glances down at his phone, where his half-finished message is waiting to be sent, as though he somehow conjured Naruto through cyberspace.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he says.

“Me? You! You work here?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke says, like it’s obvious.

“What the fuck!” Naruto’s excited now.

“What are you doing here?” Sasuke asks again. Did Naruto stalk him? Surely not. He’d be the worst stalker in the world.

“I’m buying mealworms for my toad! Remember? Gamakichi?”

“No.”

“Geez, your loss. Anyway, I used to always go to this other store to get them, but then the old perv that ran it shut it down so he could retire and go travel the world and write erotica or whatever, so I tried ordering them online but they arrived super weird, so I thought I’d come in here and see if you guys have anything that toads can eat!”

“Toads aren’t reptiles.”

“Yeah, but they have similar diets to a lot of lizards! Come on, Sasuke, don’t tell me you don’t know about toads.”

“My arms don’t work.” Orochimaru’s drawl is still audible from the stockroom. “You’ll have to grab it for me.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Kabuto replies.

Naruto looks at Sasuke, eyes huge.

“I’ll help you find the mealworms,” Sasuke says loudly, sliding off the stool and coming out from behind the counter. This is basically his worst nightmare.

“You really weren’t kidding!” Naruto is somewhere between gleeful and horrified.

“I never kid.”

“Do his arms actually not work, or—?”

“Don’t talk about it.”

Sasuke shows Naruto where they keep their insects. They do have mealworms, of course. Naruto is delighted.

“Who’s the mealworm boy now?” Naruto says, as Sasuke is ringing him up.

Sasuke snorts. “You’re the one buying them, so. Still you.”

“You’re the one selling them.”

“Exactly. I’m getting rid of them.”

“Well, I’m taking them home and feeding them to my awesome toad! ”

Sasuke rolls his eyes and tells him his total.

“Do you have any pets?” Naruto asks, as he pays.

“No.”

“Why not?”

Sasuke shrugs. “My apartment doesn’t allow them.” His parents never allowed him to have them as a kid, either.

“Huh.” Naruto squints at him. “I can imagine you with a cat.”

Sasuke really likes cats, actually. Naruto can be surprisingly perceptive. “This is a reptile store, idiot.”

Naruto scrunches his face up. “You don’t have to get it here, asshole.”

“Whatever. Take your worms.”

Naruto grabs the mealworms.  “So, your bosses,” he says, way too loudly.  “What’s up with their whole...thing?” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Sasuke hasn’t heard anything from the stockroom recently, but he doesn’t want to tempt fate. The mere thought of Naruto interacting with Orochimaru makes him want to gag. “Oh look, it’s time for you to go. Goodbye.”

Naruto pouts at him until Sasuke physically pushes him towards the door. “Geez, geez, okay,” he says, and heads out. “Bye, Sasuke! See you soon!”

“In your dreams,” Sasuke mutters. He perches on the stool again. He doesn’t want to feel like a ray of sunlight has just left the dim shop.  

“Who was that?” a voice says behind Sasuke’s left shoulder. He almost jumps out of his skin.

“Fuck, Kabuto, stop doing that.”

Kabuto’s glasses gleam. “Your boyfriend?”

“That taunt doesn’t work on me. I have a boyfriend, and it’s not him,” Sasuke says through gritted teeth.

“You shouldn’t be flirting during work hours,” Kabuto says.

Sasuke stares at him.

“Just a reminder.” Kabuto smiles venomously and walks away. Sasuke glares daggers into his back. He can’t fucking wait until this day is over.

—

The next time that Sasuke checks Instagram, he sees that Naruto accepted his follow request, and followed him back. He does not spend an embarrassingly long time looking at all of Naruto’s photos.

Naruto is a surprisingly good photographer. Sasuke can’t help but be impressed.  

“What’re you looking at?” Suigetsu asks, sipping his protein shake. They’re sitting on opposite sides of the breakfast table, both on their phones.

“Nothing. Fuck off.”

“Rude.”

“Bitch.”

“Remember that crazy girl—”

“Karin?”

“Hahahaha. No. Shut up. That crazy girl I went to high school with? She just got engaged.” Suigetsu flips his phone around to show Sasuke an Instagram post.

Sasuke curls his lip. “Why do you care?”

“It’s funny.” He gets up and stretches. “How do I look?”

“You’re wearing three belts.”

“That’s called fashion, Sasuke.”

Sasuke frowns down at the picture of the smiling girl and her fiancé. Is Suigetsu trying to subliminally message him? Surely not. They’ve talked about how neither of them believe in marriage. He feels an unexpected pang of nostalgia as he remembers lying on the floor of Suigetsu’s dorm room at 2 A.M., drunk and trying to unravel the mysteries of life. The first time they fucked was one of those nights.

“All your hick friends get married young.”

“I’m fringe rural. Most of my classmates have babies by now.”

Sasuke doesn’t want to touch the panic that rises at the thought of proposing to Suigetsu. He doesn’t want to examine that at all.

“Her ring’s ugly.”

Suigetsu snorts and takes his phone back. “So’s her fiancé.”

Sasuke folds his arms and tugs at the sleeve of his loose black robe, looking towards the window. “Do you want to get married?”

Suigetsu glances up at him. “What? No. Why?”

“Forget it.”

“You’re not proposing to me, are you?”

Sasuke glares at him. “As if.”

“Well, don’t.”

“I’m going to take a shower,” Sasuke announces, and stalks away.

In the shower, Sasuke lets out a breath and closes his eyes, trying to relax. He still feels restless and antsy, something pacing in his chest like a wild beast in a cage. He’s been constantly on edge lately.

He doesn’t want to marry Suigetsu. That’s fine. They’ve talked about it. He doesn’t want to marry anyone.

Under the warm water, he feels aroused, the solitude and lack of touch making his body react in a way he hasn’t wanted to with Suigetsu lately. Which is also fine. Men have hormone cycles too. Sometimes he just doesn’t want to be touched by another person.

Relax.

Sasuke curls a hand around his dick and lets out a sigh of relief as he starts stroking himself slowly. It’s good, the grounding sensation. He doesn’t have to think. It’s stress relief.

Unbidden, blond hair and blue eyes rise into his thoughts.

Sasuke’s eyes fly open, his hand freezing on his dick. This isn’t want he wanted. But once in his mind, the image of Naruto is hard to banish.

Worse, he finds that doesn’t want to banish it.

He starts stroking himself again, staring hard at the wall. He doesn’t usually think of anyone when he jerks off. He doesn’t need to. But this time—Naruto, in his mind’s eye, is tantalizing, exciting. He feels a little dirty, like he’s doing something wrong, but also aroused in a way that curls in his stomach and sends heat prickling through him.

It’s wrong. It is. But it turns him on. And. It’s not like anyone is ever going to find out.

No one’s ever going to find out, so Sasuke closes his eyes as he imagines Naruto’s hands on him, if Naruto was here with him in the shower, naked and wet. Sasuke doesn’t like shower sex, but that doesn’t stop him from fantasizing about it.

Naruto never proved that he doesn’t have a tiny dick, but Sasuke graciously grants him a larger one as he imagines Naruto pushing him up against the wall, crowding hot and slick and close, panting against his neck, hands everywhere. It’s all fire between them, and Sasuke is burning up, writhing under Naruto’s strong grip—his hands would be strong, Sasuke’s seen his arms—biting back noises as Naruto holds him in place, the water raining down on them.

Yes yes yes yes yes—

Sasuke comes fast and hard, mouth open, holding himself up against the wall. He can’t remember the last time he felt like this.

The afterglow quickly fades, and shame comes rushing in as his vision clears.

Oh.

This is bad.

But whatever’s between him and Naruto is just pure physicality. It could never work. His fantasy just proved that, if nothing else. They burn way too hot for it to possibly last. Yes, he’s incredibly attracted to Naruto, but he absolutely can’t stand him outside of that. They’d fizzle out, inevitably.

It’s weird to jerk off to a friend. It’s bad to jerk off to someone else while his boyfriend is in the other room.

The water swirls down the drain. He can’t take that back.

Sasuke has worked really hard on his relationship with Suigetsu. Is he “in love?” He’s never really been a romantic or anything like that. What he has is so much more than he ever expected. They get along and the sex is good and Suigetsu means a lot to him.

Naruto, it seems, is determined to destroy everything Sasuke has built.

—

Sasuke deals with his weird Naruto fantasy by not dealing with it. It’s okay to be attracted to someone and never act on it. It’s just pheromones. Animal instincts. He’s used to using logic and higher brain functions to make his life decisions, and Naruto is a bad life decision.

If he continues to jerk off about him in the shower, no one has to know. That’s his private time, and it stays private, and locked away in a tiny corner of his brain.

It’s just how he deals with it. These feelings will pass.

In the meantime, while he waits for his body to catch up with his brain and realize that Naruto is not good for him, he hangs out with Naruto on a fairly regular basis. Cementing his friendship helps with the getting over him part, too. Naruto is obnoxious and loud and abrasive and competitive, and Sasuke hates those traits. Still, he finds himself missing Naruto when he doesn’t see him for a few days.

The human experience is ridiculous. Sasuke is thoroughly over it.

He rarely sees Naruto one-on-one. Karin & co. are usually there, or Naruto’s friends are, or some combination. This is good. Sasuke doesn’t really want to spend alone time with Naruto.

He does want to, but.

One night, he’s out with Naruto, Karin, and a couple of Naruto’s friends who he’s met over the past couple of weeks. Naruto has a large friend group and he seems like he’d be ready to lay down his life for any of them. Sasuke can’t fathom it.

It’s after midnight when they all troop out of the bar, the cold air swirling around them. Sasuke tucks his face into the cowl neck of his sweater. He’s already thinking about the warm bed waiting for him at home.

“Hey, who wants to go to that new club?” Naruto asks, looking up from his phone. He’s visibly excited.

“What club?” Karin asks.

“The Summit! It opened like, last month and I really wanted to go but I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance.”

“Sounds cool. Can’t go though,” Karin says, digging in her bag for her phone. “I have to get up early for work.”

Naruto pouts at her and turns to the rest of the group. Sasuke surveys them silently. Kiba and Hinata are making heart eyes at each other and very clearly won’t be going anywhere except to one of their beds.

Neji examines his nails. “Clubbing really isn’t my scene,” he says.

Neji exudes a calm, confident energy that is basically the polar opposite of Naruto’s vibe. Sasuke doesn’t really understand why they’re friends, but when he asked one time, Neji looked at him the way he might look at a not-very-interesting bug and said, “Naruto saved my life once.” Sasuke never raised the subject again.

“Aw, come on, Neji, you’d love it!” Naruto wheedles.

“I don’t dance.”

“But you’re so graceful and willowy!”

“Thank you. It’s still a no.”

Naruto looks visibly crushed. “Come on, I can’t go to a club alone! And I won’t have another chance to go out for ages. Please?”

Neji rolls his eyes. “Stop complaining. You used to go to clubs alone all the time. What happened to Naruto “Pick-Up Line” Uzumaki?” He does obnoxious air quotes with his fingers.

“I can go,” Sasuke offers. He doesn’t have to get up particularly early, and he doesn’t hate clubs.

“Oh my god, Sasuke!” Naruto throws his arms around him. “You’re a lifesaver!”

“Get off me,” Sasuke says.

Neji looks relieved as well. Hinata and Kiba are still lost in their own world. Karin is ignoring them as she argues with her Uber driver on the phone.

“Okay, we’re gonna head off, then!” Naruto says, waving at them. Sasuke waves too and follows Naruto down the sidewalk.

“So where is this dumb place anyway?” he asks, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“It’s not dumb! It’s really cool. At least that’s what Shikamaru said! He and Choji were there last week. It’s a gay club, by the way.” Naruto pauses, looking a little confused. “That’s fine, right?”

“That’s fine,” Sasuke says dryly.

“Yeah, so I’ve really wanted to go! I love clubs. You might not have guessed this about me, but I love to dance! I met my ex at a club, actually.” Naruto pauses, looking up at the sky. “He was wearing this mesh thing—”

“I don’t care,” Sasuke interrupts. He does not want to hear about how Naruto and his ex met. At all. He changes the topic. “It doesn’t surprise me that you like to dance.”

“Really?”

“You like stupid things.”

Naruto reaches out to punch his arm. “Asshole. But anyway, thanks for coming! I really hope you like it.”

“I don’t go clubbing often,” Sasuke says.

“So I’m getting a rare experience?”

Sasuke huffs and pulls his jacket tighter around him. “Consider yourself lucky.”

—

When they get there, the club is packed, full of people and noise. The Summit, true to its name, is a vertical space, with a bar and dance floor on the ground level, and a staircase up to a second dance floor on a balcony overlooking the first one. It is, Sasuke has to admit, pretty cool.

He fully expected to just order a drink and loiter by the bar while Naruto does what he wants, but it’s too crowded by the bar to successfully loiter there. It takes him and Naruto ten minutes to get a couple of shots.

“You have to do tequila shots at a club!” Naruto yells over the music, spilling some on the bar as he triumphantly pushes three shot glasses towards Sasuke. “It’s tradition!”

“I hate tequila,” Sasuke yells back, but he does the shots anyway. The lime bursts sour in his mouth and he sucks it against his teeth, watching Naruto lick the salt off his hand. He doesn’t mind being part of Naruto’s tradition.

It must be some kind of throwback-themed night, because every song that comes on is from about ten years ago and is, as Naruto puts it, “a banger.” Sasuke’s just setting his final shot glass back on the bar when a Kesha song comes on and Naruto’s whole face lights up. He grabs Sasuke’s arm. “I love this song! We have to go dance!”

Sasuke hates Kesha, except when he’s drunk, so he lets Naruto drag him onto the dance floor. He wouldn’t, except Naruto really wants to.

In the middle of the mass of jumping, gyrating bodies, Naruto lets go of Sasuke’s hand and turns to face him. There’s space between them, despite the packed dance floor. It’s not indecent. There’s nothing wrong with dancing with a friend. Karin does it all the time.

Naruto is mouthing along to the lyrics as he dances. Sasuke doesn’t want to look like an idiot standing in the middle of the dance floor, and frankly he does like this song, so.

He does want to dance with Naruto. Naruto has good ideas sometimes.

And Naruto is actually a really good dancer. Sasuke finds it hard to look away from him. He moves with the music in a way that’s fluid and seductive, like he’s thinking about sex and he wants everyone around him to think about it too. No wonder Naruto’s ex was interested after seeing this.

Someone elbows Sasuke in the side and he elbows back viciously, but he’s still forced to take a step closer to Naruto. Naruto grins at him and grabs his arm. He says something, but Sasuke can’t hear it over the music, so he just shakes his head and shrugs. Naruto laughs and doesn’t let go of him.

Naruto is fun to dance with, and after a few songs go by, Sasuke realizes that he’s having a good time. A better time than he’s ever had at a club before, maybe. He doesn’t really mind the overly loud music or sticky floor. The people pressing up against him are annoying, but even that doesn’t bother him.

He notices Naruto glances around the room, taking in the crowd. Sasuke watches him, something sickly crawling through him. He remembers what Neji said, and he can all too easily imagine Naruto seeking out someone to dance with, getting hot and heavy with another guy, the promise of more to come later. Sasuke thinks he would die.

He’s getting hot from the dancing, so he pulls his sweater off and ties it around his waist. He’s wearing a black tank top underneath. Naruto raises his eyebrows and Sasuke shrugs. He’s not going to let Naruto, of all people, judge his fashion decisions.

It’s more comfortable with his arms bare. A couple of times he thinks he sees Naruto’s eyes lingering on him, but surely it’s just his imagination. At least Naruto’s eyes aren’t on anyone else.

He’s enjoying himself, trying to place the song that’s playing—something with a strong beat and sexy vocals, Sasuke knows he’s heard it before—when someone shoves him from behind and he stumbles forward, directly into Naruto.

“Sorry,” he mutters, but he doesn’t really step away, and Naruto definitely doesn’t step away, holding Sasuke close to him as he moves to the beat. People fill in around them as the two of them press together.

Sasuke is drunk, and that’s probably why he allows this. He plasters himself up against Naruto as though there’s a magnet holding the two of them together. His skin is hyperaware and sparking at every point of contact. It feels good.

Naruto’s breath puffs against his neck and Sasuke lets himself pretend.

If Naruto was his, he would be up in Naruto’s space, all heat and friction, making sure that Naruto was focused entirely on him. No one else. He wants Naruto’s undivided lust.

Naruto’s hands are on him, pulling him closer, and it’s really hot, god, he just has a thing for this, apparently. It reminds him of his thoughts about Naruto in the shower and he flushes. It’s better than he thought, to have Naruto touching him, pressed tight against him. Grinding on him.  

Sasuke’s going to lose his mind, pretty soon.

To everyone else in the club they just look like another couple lost in each other, and that thought makes Sasuke feel wilder. In another life, this could be his. It’s all heat and breathless motion, and he knows he shouldn’t really be doing this but he can’t remember why. It feels good, and Sasuke feels like he’s slipped out of reality a little, watching himself in an endless moment where anything is possible.

Naruto’s hands are on his ass as they grind together, and Sasuke wants, as he moves against Naruto, feeling their bodies together, wants with a howling, burning passion that twists through and consumes him. He considers dragging Naruto off to the bathroom for a quickie blowjob, because, god, he really wouldn’t mind getting down on his knees. He needs something to release what’s building inside him.

Naruto pulls away a little, just enough that he can see Sasuke’s face, and Sasuke stares at his lips under the multi-colored lights.

“Sasuke,” Naruto says. Sasuke can’t hear it, but he can see his lips shape the syllables of his name, and he’s never wanted anything as badly as he wants Naruto to kiss him right now.

Naruto doesn’t. Instead he gently pushes Sasuke away,  gaining some respectable distance between them, so that their bodies are no longer touching. Sasuke immediately misses the contact. He hates Naruto for reminding him. He hates himself.

Naruto initiated it, though. Or did he? Sasuke is drunk.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” he mumbles, and fights his way out of the crowd, off the dance floor.

He leans against the tile wall, under the glaring lights that shine obnoxiously bright after the smoky darkness of the club. His reflection in the mirror looks flushed and weird.

In another life he might be blowing Naruto right now.

Who are you? he asks.

“Sasuke?” Naruto barges into the bathroom. Sasuke jumps.

“Fuck. You’re going to give me a heart attack.”

“I was worried because I thought you might be throwing up! Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine. Do you react like this every time a friend goes to the bathroom?”

“You didn’t seem fine! And also I thought I’d lose you in the crowd and I have your phone.” Naruto holds out Sasuke’s phone. Sasuke takes it from him.

“Why do you have my phone?”

“You gave it to me when you took your sweater off.”

“Hn.” Sasuke looks down at the phone in his hand. There’s a text from Suigetsu from a couple of hours ago.

Suigetsu >> I’m going to bed. Have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Sasuke feels a bit sick.

“Maybe I will throw up,” he announces, and stumbles into a stall.

He wasn’t expecting Naruto’s hands holding his bangs and rubbing his back as he retches into the toilet bowl. It’s nice. Naruto is very nice. Sasuke feels worse.

“Do you want to stand here looking stupid or do you want to go dance some more?” he asks afterwards, when he’s finished washing his mouth at the sink. His reflection glares back at him, humiliated and foolish.

Naruto looks concerned. “I want to get you home safely.”

“I don’t want to go home.”

Naruto frowns. “Sasuke—”

“Whatever.” Sasuke leaves the bathroom roughly, hoping the door hits Naruto on his way out.

“Sasuke!” Naruto catches up to him by the coat check. “Where are you going?”

“Out.”

“Dude, don’t— stop being such a prickly bitch. What do you want to do?”

“Don’t call me dude.”

“Asshole.”

Sasuke retrieves his coat and shrugs it on, glancing at Naruto. “I’m not going home. You can come or not.”

—

“Why do you have so many friends?” Sasuke asks.

They’re standing on a street corner, at the point where they’d have to part ways if they were heading back towards their respective homes. It’s the early hours of the morning and the sky is already tinged with that pre-dawn light, when everything feels crisp and clear and not entirely real. Sasuke isn’t convinced that he’s real, right now.

Naruto shrugs. “I like people.”

Sasuke doesn’t smoke, but he wishes he had a cigarette in his hand. It feels like it would be appropriate. Post-bacchanal melancholia. God, he should be a writer.

“People like you, too.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Naruto rubs the back of his neck.

Sasuke looks at him. He doesn’t think about the other ways this night could have gone.

There are no other ways it could have gone. This is the only acceptable outcome. He’s going to go home to Suigetsu and pretend that nothing happened, because it could never possibly work between him and Naruto. He can’t give up what he has just for a single moment of passion.

The what if hangs in the air around him, though, terrifying and electric.

“I was never popular,” he says.

Naruto laughs. “I doubt that.”

“Why?”

“You’ve got that whole cool untouchable hot dude vibe. I feel like you would have been a big deal in school.”

“Don’t make fun of me.” Sasuke frowns to hide the rush he feels at Naruto calling him hot . His skin prickles with annoyance.

“I’m not. If we’d gone to school together, everyone would have been fawning over you all the time.” Naruto pauses thoughtfully. “I bet they did and you just didn’t notice it.”

“Fuck you. I would have noticed it.”

“Nah, you’re pretty unobservant.”

Sasuke glares at him. “Everyone would have been fawning over me? So that includes you.”

“No. We would have been rivals. I would have hated your guts.”

Sasuke opens his mouth to contradict him, but—no, he can see that, actually. The intensity of what he feels for Naruto could easily translate into hate.

Not that he feels anything for him, particularly, at all.

God, he wants to kiss him.

“Alright. Rivals. And then what?”

Naruto gives him a weird look, like he’s thinking about something he doesn’t want to say. “Well,” he says after a minute. “We would have graduated. Moved away. Never seen each other again.”

Sasuke feels strangely hollow. “That’s it?” The words are harsh. Why is he getting so worked up over a stupid imaginary story?

“So it’s better this way, really,” Naruto says, looking out towards the street.

“Better,” Sasuke echoes. The nail polish is flaking off his thumb. He picks at it. “I didn’t have a great time in school.”

“Oh yeah? Why not?”

“I never fit in. I hated everyone. And I was dealing with some family shit.” He presses his lips together. He never talks about his family.

“That’s rough,” Naruto says. Sasuke doesn’t look at him. He doesn’t offer any more information.

“My parents both died when I was really little,” Naruto says. His voice is soft. “Luckily I was adopted by my foster dad. He’s amazing. But that wasn’t until I was like twelve.”

Sasuke kicks at the sidewalk. “So what did you do until then?”

“Different foster homes.”

“Sounds like it sucked.”

“Big time.”

Sasuke glances at him. Naruto is smiling but it’s clearly a thin facade. He’s vulnerable underneath.

“Do your friends know?”

“Some of them.”

Sasuke bites the inside of his cheek. He hadn’t really considered that the reason Naruto surrounds himself with so many people might be because he grew up lonely. He can’t really imagine a Naruto who isn’t bright and bubbly. He lights up every room he walks into.

“Thanks for telling me.”

Naruto shrugs. “Just so you know that I can relate to family shit.”

“Mine isn’t as bad as yours. I hate my father and my brother’s an asshole.” It sounds so simple when he puts it like that.

Naruto grins. “Sounds like it sucks.”

Sasuke smiles a little, tucking his chin into his collar. He likes Naruto. He doesn’t want to walk away from him. He wants to go home with him and sleep in the same bed and have Naruto wrap his arms all the way around him.

He remembers what it felt like, pressed up against him on the dance floor. Naruto’s hands on him, pushing closer. He aches.

“I have to go,” he says.

“Yeah, it’s getting late.” Naruto checks the time and makes a face. “Early. Whatever. I’m gonna sleep in tomorrow.”

Sasuke stares at his face. He feels like he’s letting something precious slip through his fingers, but he doesn’t know how to stop it.

“Do you ever feel like something’s missing?”

Naruto seems a little thrown off by the change of topic. “Like what?”

“Do you think it’s normal to feel—dissatisfied? With what you have?”

“I think everyone feels like that sometimes,” Naruto says, after a pause.

“Like there’s something more,” Sasuke adds. He feels guilty. He shouldn’t have brought it up at all.

“Life is a balance between chasing what you want and making the most of what you have.” Naruto stretches his arms. “That’s what my dad always says, anyway.”

“My dad doesn’t say that.”

Naruto shrugs. Sasuke feels a little desperate.

“What would you do if your life should be making you happy, but it isn’t?”

Naruto doesn’t answer for a little bit, looking at him with an expression Sasuke can’t decipher. “If something’s not making you happy, then you should change it.”

Sasuke picks at the polish flaking off his nail. “I wasn’t talking about me.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Goodnight.”

Naruto pauses, like he’s waiting for something. Panic lights in Sasuke’s chest. He wants to kiss him. He shouldn’t. He could. He shouldn’t.

“Bye, Sasuke,” Naruto says, lifting his hand in a wave and turning away.

Sasuke doesn’t respond. He shivers and calls himself an Uber.

—

Naruto >> hey u free this saturday?

Sasuke >> why

Naruto >> my friend is in town and we’re having a party! you should come!

Sasuke stares at his phone, his thumb hovering over the keyboard. He shouldn’t go.

“Naruto invited me to a party on Saturday,” he says to Suigetsu, casually, as though saying it doesn’t make his stomach drop. He doesn’t want Suigetsu to come. But he’ll be miserable either way. Suigetsu will protect him from himself.

“Cool,” Suigetsu says.

“Want to go?”

“Can’t. Kisame will kill me if I miss another Sword Club meeting.”

“Hn.”

“You should go though. You don’t have any friends.”

“Asshole. I have friends.”

“Like, friends who invite you to things.”

“Whatever.” Sasuke looks back at his phone.

Sasuke >> okay

Naruto >> sweet!!!! it starts at 8 :) can’t wait!

—

Sasuke gets to Naruto’s house at 8:30. Naruto meets him at the door. He’s wearing a little bit of eyeliner and Sasuke wants to die.

“You made it!” Naruto says, slinging an arm around his shoulders and grinning wide.

“I said I would,” Sasuke says, shoving his hands in his pockets. Naruto shouldn’t be allowed to smile like that.

“Hey, come in! You could have invited your friends, you know.”

“They couldn’t make it.”

“Too bad. They’re fun! Want a drink?”

Sasuke accepts a Corona and trails after Naruto towards a group of people congregated by the snack table. It’s because he doesn’t know anyone else here, he tells himself. Naruto’s shoulders are broad and his back looks really nice in his thin t-shirt.

“Hello, Sasuke,” Sai says, sidling up beside him.

“Ugh.”

“Likewise.” Sai tips his bright red drink towards him. “What are you drinking?”

Sasuke frowns down at his bottle. “Beer.”

“Didn’t think you were a beer guy.”

“Naruto gave it to me.”

“Ah. Naruto.” Sai gives him a knowing look. Sasuke wants to punch him.

“What the fuck are you implying?”

“Nothing. Naruto’s a very gracious host.” Sai smiles.

“Usually I drink vodka.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“Hey! Sasuke!” Naruto waves at him from across the room. “Come meet Gaara!”

Gaara. Gaara? Naruto’s ex. The one who broke up with him because they were long distance. No other reason.

Sakura had to wear headphones.

Fuck.

“I have to go,” he says to Sai.

“Oh yes. Go talk to Gaara.” Sai looks entirely too amused. Sasuke does not trust him.

“Sasuke!” Naruto says, beaming at him when he walks up next to them. “I told you about Gaara, remember?”

“I remember,” Sasuke says.

Gaara holds out his hand. He’s wearing a maroon hoodie and black jeans that look like they’re painted on. His messy hair is dyed bright red and his eyes are outlined with thick eyeliner. Sasuke narrows his eyes, glancing at Naruto’s eyeliner. He shakes Gaara’s hand.

“Naruto’s talked about you a lot,” Gaara says. His voice is a lot more gravelly than Sasuke expected.

“He’s mentioned you before,” Sasuke says, withdrawing his hand.

“I hope he has,” Gaara says, glancing at Naruto with a small smile.

Sasuke chugs his beer.

“Dude, I haven’t even asked, how’s your place in Seattle?” Naruto grabs Gaara’s arm.

“Small. But nice. You should visit sometime.”

“My advisor’s working my ass off,” Naruto says. “But I have some time off in June, and actually I was thinking of maybe coming then? I didn’t want to ask yet since it’s sorta far off.” He grins and rubs the back of his neck.

“I have to get some water,” Sasuke announces, and walks away.

In the kitchen, he fills a glass from the tap, watching the water pour over itself. This party sucks. He hates Gaara.

“Hey, Sasuke,” Sakura says, tapping his shoulder. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

He turns around and glares at her. “Why not?”

“Well, uh, I thought it might be a little weird. I guess it doesn’t bother you, though! That’s great!”

“Why would anything bother me?”

Sakura has the decency to look a little embarrassed. “No reason! I don’t know! Anyway, I’m glad you came. I have to go find Ino, bye!”

Sasuke stalks back into the living room. My friend is in town, Naruto said, the fucking liar. Sasuke wants— he doesn’t know, except he wants Naruto to feel as miserable as he does right now.

Naruto wants to go visit Gaara. Sasuke is in hell.

It doesn’t help that Naruto’s roommates assume that he has a thing for Naruto. He does not. It’s nothing.

He makes a beeline for the group of people congregated by the back of the sofa. Naruto’s head is thrown back in laughter. Gaara’s hand is on his arm.

“You did not,” Naruto says, wiping his eyes.

“I did!” Gaara insists. “That’s why he ghosted me.”

“Over a self-help book?”

“He didn’t want to help himself,” Gaara says, laughing.

“If a guy left a self-help book on my nightstand, I’d thank him,” Sai says thoughtfully. “And definitely fuck him again.”

“Definitely?” Naruto says.

“He’s right,” Hinata pipes up. “Sai would definitely fuck someone who gave him a self-help book.”

“Thank you, Hinata,” Sai says. “I just want someone who understands me.”

“You just want someone who has a big dick,” Kiba says.

“We weren’t even talking about Sai,” Neji says. “These are all hypotheticals.”

“True hypotheticals,” Sai points out.

“Thank you, Neji,” Naruto says. “Back to Gaara.”

“That was it. I didn’t see him again.” He glances at Naruto in a way that makes Sasuke’s stomach turn.

“Huh.” Naruto takes a sip of his beer. Some guys just look natural with a bottle in their hand. Sasuke feels jealous, although he’s never been envious of that particular skill before.

“That eyeliner is so good on you,” Gaara says, reaching up to wipe a smudge off Naruto’s lower lid.

Naruto beams at him. “Thanks for doing it for me! I almost poked my eye out when I tried on my own.”

“You should wear it more often,” Gaara says.

“It’s a good look,” Neji agrees.

“I don’t like it,” Sasuke lies.

“Did anyone ask you?” Gaara says, without looking away from Naruto.

Sasuke wonders if he’d get in trouble for challenging Gaara to a duel. Naruto wouldn’t like it. But Sasuke kind of hates Naruto right now.

“I don’t like yours either,” he says.

“Have you ever thought about dying?” Gaara says, in his weird gravelly voice.

“Hey, what the fuck?” Naruto says.

“Every day,” Sasuke spits back.

Gaara blinks at him slowly. “You should read The Secret.”

“Tch.”

“You remind me of myself before I met Naruto,” Gaara says. “He made me want to be a better person.”

“Dude, that’s really sweet,” Naruto says, ignoring Gaara’s weird dig at Sasuke.

Gaara smiles at him. “It’s true.”

Naruto throws his arms around him in a big hug. He spills some beer but Gaara doesn’t flinch. Kiba says “AWW” loudly.

“It worked, too,” Sai says. “You’re fun now.”

Sasuke hates this. Gaara has no right to be flirting. They broke up! It’s over! He can’t take Naruto back now!

Naruto lets go of Gaara, still smiling.

“You should visit more often, Gaara,” Hinata says. “It’s nice to see Naruto like this.”

“Grinning like an idiot?” Sasuke says. He loves Naruto’s smile. “That’s not special.”

“Maybe not for you,” Hinata says.

“Oh, Hinata, your glass is empty,” Naruto says. “Let me go get you another drink!”

“Thanks, Naruto.” She smiles placidly at him as Naruto detaches from the group and heads over to the drinks table. Sasuke follows him.

“There’s nothing special about you,” he says to Naruto’s back.

Naruto turns around, a bottle of red wine in his hand. “What’s your problem, dude?” He looks annoyed. Sasuke wants to make him mad.

“Don’t call me dude.”

“I didn’t have to invite you.”

“But you did.”

“Why are you being an asshole?”

“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought.”

“Maybe you’re being a dick for no reason.”

“Go back to your friends. They all love you.”

“I thought you were my friend.” He looks almost hurt. Sasuke feels like he’s picking at a scab that can’t heal.

“Like I said. Maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought.”

Naruto sets the bottle down. “Maybe I don’t.”

Ears burning, Sasuke shoulders roughly past Naruto and flees up the stairs, shoving open the first door he sees. He wants to get away. He doesn’t want to see Naruto anymore.

As luck would have it, though, this seems to be Naruto’s bedroom. There’s a large, well-tended terrarium with a fat toad inside on a low table under the window. A framed picture of Naruto, Sakura, and Sai is on the messy nightstand by the unmade bed. Discarded clothes are strewn across the floor. Sasuke picks up a tiny sleeping fox figurine from the dresser, cradling it in his hand.

The door slams open and Naruto barges in. Sasuke quickly puts the fox down.

“Sasuke?” Naruto shuts the door behind him. “What the fuck are you doing in my room?”

“You said he was your friend!” Sasuke hisses.

“Gaara is my friend!”

“You dated him!”

“Like, two years ago!”

“He was flirting with you!”

“So what—”

“You were flirting back!”

Naruto looks furious. Sasuke’s never seen him mad like this. “And? Am I just supposed to flirt with you?”

Sasuke takes a breath. He feels hot and cold all over, rage and— something else. It’s the first time Naruto has ever acknowledged that he flirts with Sasuke on purpose.

“Yes,” he says, and leans in to press their mouths together.

It’s hard and biting, and mostly born out of the feeling that he can’t go another second without kissing Naruto or he’ll die. He can barely think.

Naruto reacts, though, like he’s been waiting for it. His strong arms come up to wrap around Sasuke, and he turns them around to press Sasuke up against the door, presses their bodies together as he kisses him deeper. Sasuke gasps, clutches at his back, wild with the feeling of Naruto’s tongue in his mouth.

Then Naruto stops abruptly, shoving Sasuke against the door as he backs away, holding him at arms length.

“You have a boyfriend,” he says. It’s cold and accusatory.

Ice drips down Sasuke’s spine. “He said I should come tonight.” It’s a bad excuse and he knows it. Suigetsu didn’t give his blessing for this.

Naruto gives him a look that makes Sasuke want to disembowel himself out of shame.

“I can’t do this,” Naruto says. He reaches past Sasuke to wrench the door open and he leaves, leaving Sasuke alone.

—

Sasuke wakes up feeling like shit.

He hisses through his teeth and presses his hands against his eyes. The morning sun breaks through the slatted blinds in jagged stripes and stabs directly into his hungover brain.

He doesn’t want to think about how he snuck out of the party, mortified and heartbroken. He made it out of the house without running into Naruto again and it was only 10:30 by then and he couldn’t go home, so he went to a bar and got trashed instead, thinking about Naruto, Naruto and Gaara, Suigetsu, god, fuck—

He stayed out until he was reasonably sure Suigetsu would be asleep and then dragged himself home and crawled into bed, stinking of booze and guilt.

The other side of the bed is cold now. Suigetsu was always an early riser.

Sasuke tries not to think, but he’s never been very good at that and he can’t help wondering if Gaara spent the night in Naruto’s bed last night and he hates himself for still being jealous.

Suigetsu pokes his head into the room. “Hey.”

“Ugh.”

“You look hungover. What the fuck did you do last night? I have to leave but I left some coffee in the pot for you.”

“Okay.” Sasuke turns on his side, away from him.

“Also I have a package being delivered today so you’ll need to sign for it.”

“Is it another sword?”

There’s a suspiciously long pause. “No. The package might appear to be long and thin, like a sword, but that’s just how they pack things these days, I swear.”

Sasuke groans again. “I’m gonna throw it out the window.”

“Okay, bye!” Suigetsu shuts the door. He knows Sasuke has a terrible temper when he wakes up. Today it feels like a shield Sasuke can hide behind.

He drags himself out of bed, eventually. It’s a Sunday, so he doesn’t have to go in to Manda’s. Suigetsu won’t be home until 6:00 so he has some time to get himself together.

He drinks the cold coffee. He gets some work done. He ignores the fact that his life is crashing down around his ears. He’s always been good at distancing himself from things like that.

The last time he felt anything like this, he was almost failing out of college and his father was threatening to disinherit him and Itachi was burning the last bridge between them by vanishing and leaving Sasuke to deal with everything on his own.

It’s worse this time because his problems are his own fault.

He puts his head down and fists his hands in his hair.

He’s always had a self-destructive streak. Last night he felt like he wasn’t really part of the world. Today he’s being reminded of his own horrifying presence. The consequences of his actions.

If something’s not making you happy, then you should change it. Sasuke doesn’t know if he can.

—

Naruto doesn’t text. Or call. Not that Sasuke expects him to.

Suigetsu triumphantly tears open the packaging on his new sword and Sasuke doesn’t hate it. It’s thin and sleek with a black scabbard and Sasuke almost thinks it’s cool when Suigetsu tries out different poses with it in front of the television.

“If you break the TV you’re paying for it,” Sasuke warns, watching him over the top of his laptop.

Suigetsu laughs gleefully. “Kisame’s going to lose his shit! ”

“He’s got bigger ones. I’ve seen them,” Sasuke says. Suigetsu’s dragged him to Sword Club once or twice.

“It’s not the size of the blade, Sasuke, it’s how you wield it,” Suigetsu says primly.

Sasuke rolls his eyes. “We both know that’s not true.”

“Now you sound like Sai.”

“You talk to Sai?”

Suigetsu snorts. “He’s so weird. He’s taking me to an art show next week and he said I better dress like a slut or not show up.”

“You always dress like a slut.”

“Thank you.”

“Some kind of weird fitness slut, though.” Sasuke squints at him. “Sai could do better.”

“I’ll tell him you said that.”

Sasuke bites his tongue before he can ask Suigetsu to ask Sai about Naruto. It wouldn’t be helpful anyway.

Sometimes things get better. Last year, Itachi reappeared out of the blue after years of silence and said he wanted to patch things up. It’s weird, but Sasuke talks to him about once a month now. They even get lunch together sometimes, when Itachi is in town.

Suigetsu is annoying as shit, but so is Sasuke. Sasuke likes him. They’ve worked well together. Sometimes you can stay with the person you chose and let the person you want slip away. Sometimes that’s fine. It can be his secret.

Sasuke is very good at denial.

He wonders what Naruto is doing.

The next day, he breaks up with Suigetsu.

—

Suigetsu does not take it particularly well. Sasuke had not been expecting him to.

“We can be open, Sasuke,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Everyone’s doing it.”

Sasuke had briefly considered that option and immediately discarded it because the thought of Naruto sleeping with other people makes him want to vomit out of jealousy. He doesn’t particularly care what Suigetsu does. He supposes that’s a sign.

Suigetsu quickly progresses from looking at Sasuke like he’s stupid to hurling nearby objects at Sasuke’s head.

“That dumb sack of shit? What does he have that I don’t? A tan? You know I don’t tan, Sasuke, I burn! ”

Sasuke easily dodges the projectiles. Suigetsu has terrible aim. “It’s not the tan.”

None of this is fair to Suigetsu. Sasuke does feel guilty about that. But the guilt isn’t what motivates him. It’s the deep, gut-wrenching terror that grips him when he thinks about leaving things as they are. Continuing on this path he set for himself. Losing Naruto.

“Do you love him?”

Sasuke looks away.

“God. Fuck you.”

In theory, Sasuke knows that every relationship ends in a break up or a lifelong commitment. But it’s a lot easier to say that than to actually end things with his boyfriend of three years. He’s never had to do this before.

“I didn’t sleep with him,” he says. It seems important, somehow.

“You do know that falling in love with him is worse, right? Like, that’s the worst thing you could possibly do?”

“I didn’t expect to,” Sasuke says.

“I don’t want to look at you.” Suigetsu turns away. Then he whirls back around, finger pointed in accusation. “Actually, you know what—”  

The worst part is that Suigetsu does look genuinely hurt underneath the anger. Sasuke doesn’t know how to explain to him that he likes him, just. Not enough.

Sasuke leaves before Suigetsu remembers that he owns many swords.

—

Sasuke >> I’m outside

—

Two minutes later, Naruto opens the door. Sasuke is standing on his porch. It’s evening.

Naruto blocks the doorway with his body. “What the fuck. I wouldn’t even let you in, but it’s freezing out. What are you doing here?”

Sasuke shoves his hands in his pockets. “I broke up with my boyfriend.”

Naruto’s hand lingers on the doorframe. “Oh.”

“So.”

“You came here.”

“Yeah.”

Naruto looks at him for a moment, and then steps back, allowing Sasuke to come inside.

Sasuke follows him into the living room. Sai is sitting cross legged on the floor, art supplies spread out on the coffee table.

“Let’s go upstairs,” Naruto says.

Sai raises an eyebrow.

“Shut up,” Sasuke tells him.

“I didn’t say anything.” Sai’s face is as blank as the sketchpad in front of him.

Sasuke glares at him and follows Naruto up the stairs and into his bedroom. It’s just as messy as the last time he was here.

Naruto shuts the door and turns to face Sasuke. “So,” he says, and pauses, like he’s going to say something else. His eyes flick down Sasuke’s body.

Sasuke drops his bag on the floor.

Naruto closes the distance between them and they crash into each other, lips meeting and Naruto’s hands cupping Sasuke’s head, knocking him off balance with the force of it. They stumble, and it’s like a dam breaking, releasing brutal passion. Something wild and unhinged leaps in Sasuke’s chest as Naruto kisses him, deep and hot and greedy, like he can’t get enough.

Sasuke clutches at him, grabbing a handful of his shirt, fisting his hand in Naruto’s hair so that he can drag him closer, pressing tighter, crushing any space left between them. He feels lightheaded, his whole body shivery with the touch, and he gasps against Naruto’s mouth. Finally, finally.

“Fuck, Sasuke,” Naruto breathes, voice rough. He sucks on Sasuke’s neck, sliding his hands down to his ass, and Sasuke has to bite back a moan, wild with the heat that rushes through him. He drops a hand to squeeze Naruto’s dick through his jeans.

“Fuck,” Naruto hisses again, and physically drags Sasuke over to the bed.

Arousal explodes in his belly as Naruto shoves him down, bending him over, and through the litany of yes pulsing through his mind Sasuke feels like he literally can’t do anything else in the world but this. He’s been waiting.

“Are you gonna fuck me or what?” he pants, breathless, glaring at Naruto over his shoulder.

“Yeah, I am,” Naruto says, and that’s how Sasuke ends up on all fours with Naruto’s fingers in him, which is, thank god, because if Sasuke had to wait any longer he would have screamed.

He bites his own arm to keep quiet when Naruto’s finger slides against his prostate. His face is burning, his skin prickling with pleasure, and he holds onto the bed, desperate for anything to ground himself.

“Jesus fucking Christ, can you hurry up?” he spits out. He didn’t come here for fingers. The bottle of lube bumps against his elbow and he knocks it away.

Naruto takes more time than Sasuke wants, though, until Sasuke is squirming and cursing at him.

“I hate you,” he complains, pressing his flushed face into the sheets, hideously impatient.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Naruto says, still fucking him with his fingers.

“Shut up and put it in me,” Sasuke pants. He feels like he’s losing his mind.

“Yeah, okay,” Naruto says, and Sasuke feels a dim spark of pride that Naruto sounds equally far gone. There’s the sound of clothing hitting the floor and then he’s being flipped over and Naruto is on top of him.

“What,” he starts, because he’d already been in a perfectly good position, but then he stops because Naruto looks more turned on than Sasuke has ever imagined and fuck. He really doesn’t mind seeing Naruto’s face.

Naruto pushes Sasuke’s legs further apart and then Sasuke feels Naruto’s cock against him, pushing into him, and he claps a hand over his mouth, totally failing to conceal an embarrassing noise that he’ll never admit to.

“Fuck,” Naruto breathes, watching him, and when he starts moving Sasuke has to close his eyes so Naruto doesn’t see them roll back.

He drops his head back, arching against Naruto’s messy sheets, because fuck, he’s been having sex but it’s been nothing close to this. It’s like he’s been unsatisfied because he was missing something essential and that essential thing was Naruto fucking into him, pushing him up the bed until Sasuke has to hold onto the headboard.

It’s—yeah, it’s really good, and he can’t help the noises he makes, because Naruto is amazing, Sasuke will admit it, and he’s been fucking dying for this.

Red-hot pleasure courses through him, coiling tighter and tighter, and Naruto is still looking at him with blown-wide eyes as Sasuke gasps underneath him. Naruto gets a hand around his dick and Sasuke sort of keens, pushing back against him, and he’s not going to last at all like this. He feels completely overwhelmed in the best way. He should have known—

He bites Naruto’s shoulder hard when he comes, shaking, and he hasn’t even come down from the high yet when Naruto comes deep inside him.

They lie there for a moment in the aftermath, breathing hard. Sasuke feels too fucked out to move. His mind is blissfully, beautifully blank.

Do you love him, Suigetsu asked.

Fuck.

Sasuke sits up, shoving Naruto off him, and grabs a shirt from the floor to wipe himself off.

“I’ve got a towel,” Naruto says from behind him.

“This is fine,” Sasuke says, without turning around.

“Dude. Don’t get weird on me.”

“Don’t fucking call me dude when you were just inside me.” He glares over his shoulder.

Naruto sits up, leaning against the headboard. “What’s happening? I mean, that was incredible. I’m not really lucid enough right now for you to do one of your bitchy mind game things. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m great. What do you want me to say? That that was the best sex of my life? Because it was.” Sasuke feels horribly vulnerable, like he’s wearing his whole heart on his sleeve, ready for Naruto to shred it into pulp.

Naruto closes his mouth and frowns. “You seem pissed.”

Sasuke shrugs and looks away.

Naruto sighs. “Look, d— Sasuke, I like you a lot. I’ve liked you since the first time I met you. So like, if you want more...” He smiles a little and gestures vaguely. “But I’m not gonna just be your rebound.”

“God. You’re fucking not.”

Naruto opens his mouth and closes it again. He scratches his ear. “You really broke up with him? For me?

“You think I’d lie about that?”

“I don’t know, man. You’re kind of crazy.”

“You’re kind of stupid.”

“Yeah.” Naruto’s eyes glitter with something hard. Determined. “I like it.”

“You like being stupid?”

“I like your crazy.”

“Oh,” Sasuke says. He shifts closer and climbs into Naruto’s lap.

“Hey, that’s better,” Naruto says, smiling at him.

Sasuke touches his shoulders. “I like you too.” He stares hard at the wall. “You should be with me.”

“Yeah,” Naruto breathes, watching him.

“And you shouldn’t get back together with your ex.”

Naruto snorts. “That wasn’t really on the table.”

“Did you fuck him? After the party?” Sasuke knows he shouldn’t ask questions he doesn’t want to know the answer to, but.

Naruto looks deeply amused. “Nah. I was kinda torn up over another guy.” He runs his hand up Sasuke’s thigh. “Do you know what a hard position you put me in?”

Sasuke smirks. “I can think of a hard position.”

Naruto flicks his ear. “Shut up. Do you know how difficult it is to have it bad for a guy who’s unavailable but won’t stop flirting with me? ”

“I had it worse,” Sasuke says.

“Prove it.”

“I’ll prove it, bastard,” Sasuke says, and pulls him in for another kiss, lighter than he’s felt in years.