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A little girl is crying.

With every minute louder and louder.

I bet I would do the same if my balloon flew away after a stranger almost made me fall because he did not look properly.

Thinks that very stranger Shim Changmin.

The girl’s tears look like big dew droplets which are about to turn into a proper waterfall.

It’s better to apologise … and say something nice … something like I will buy you a much prettier one, little princess… she really looks cute with this flower ribbon… daughters are the best… I should be gentle…

“If you let go of that balloon so easily it means you did not like it in the first place. So stop this childish wailing!” hears Changmin his mouth saying.

The girl is bawling out for real now. Her mother finally runs up to her and immediately starts hugging and whispering soft anythings to calm her daughter down.

And being a multitasker just as any mother – she is about to lash out on the young man who dared to hurt her daughter. The woman confidently faces Changmin… and suddenly freezes. One glance over him and the realization is slowly showing in her eyes.

She lets him go with a quick wave of the hand.

Same charity aura and a patient sigh as always.

As if he needs it. (He does.)

Not like he expected a different reaction. So Changmin turns the corner and continues his way to work. Trying to store one more incident in a deep deep closet of his mind.

In the end – Dark people can’t change anything even if they want to.

*

The lights in the office try to compensate for the lack of windows on the grey walls.

Changmin is fidgeting on the chair watching his best friend furiously gutting one of the printers that was sent from the offices above. He knows just from the sight of it that all their attempts to revive it will be futile but paying respects to the virtual soul of this device is the last thing that matters for him at the moment. 

“You are going to take the SM test tomorrow? For real?”

“Cho Kyuhyun! I have been telling you this since I was 18! For 4 years!”

Kyuhyun is still half-face into the toner box when he scoffs back.

“You can’t blame me. You always have weird ideas.”

“Kyu! Stop torturing this fella for a minute!”

Rolling his eyes Kyuhyun finally leaves the broken printer in peace and settles on the desk in front of Changmin. Both of the actions remind Changmin why they are the best friends in the first place.

Kyuhyun is also Dark.

And though usually all Dark people prefer to keep away from making close friends – as even they themselves can’t handle each other’s venom – he and Kyuhyun accepted each other really quickly, finding some kind of a safe harbor in mutual sarcasm and seeing the real meanings behind every thrown taunt.

“I just don’t understand why you are going to do that so early. We are not obliged to take this test right after our 22nd birthday. Actually only the stupid romantics do that and from what I know – you are not one of them.”

Changmin is silent for a moment and being the supportive friend Kyuhyun has been for 15 years of his life he takes it as a cue to return to the usual trolling.

“Oh no, Chwang!” The fake gasp he produces deserves an acting award. “You… you really dream of the Light knight coming and taking you to the horizon where your souls will merge in one but more importantly your bodies…’

“Shut up right now or I will kick your ass!”

“The best ass among IT staff in this company. You may rival me in other fields but we all know that in this category you will lose to everyone even without starting…”

“Kyu!”

“What? It’s true.”

The ass wiggle that Kyuhyun does after that may get them fired for violating the company code of conduct and Changmin thanks the heavens for locating their office on the basement level of the building where no one comes except for a quick nap while hiding from the bosses.

After that he thanks other related people for creating the professions that do not need much communication. It is hard to snap almost always at Kyuhyun – with the reason or without it – but dealing with other population of the city in a way like this morning is definitely exhausting as hell. Dark people are made for these secured places with their ability to concentrate. Their better productivity helps the companies to remain stable in the business world – so everyone wins in this world of two colors. Let the Light people handle the social events – in the end this is what they are born for.

Light people…

“Chwang?”

His face should have been marred by some expression if Kyuhyun is almost gentle with him now. Changmin sighs.

“There are other reasons to speed up meeting fate.”

“Like?”

“My family?”

Changmin looks into Kyuhyun’s eyes and sees so much understanding that he almost breaks down in pathetic tears. He is so thankful to the man that he spends some time trying to choose the best words out of his hateful vocabulary to describe what he really thinks.

“My family is all Light. I am just… done with dissing my sisters all the time. I want to… scream better words at them? Geez, this freaking incapacity drives me insane! Why can’t I fucking say what I really want? This is my freaking family!”

He pulls at his hair trying to shut himself up. His family is not here and they can’t hear anything but he feels like this is even worse to let his mouth loose behind their backs, even if he doesn’t mean anything bad he says, even if he knows they understand him and love him, somehow hearing the true words he wishes to say all the time. But Changmin hungers for this unreachable freedom – he just wants to repay them back and finally praise his mother’s cooking and his sister’s perfect grades and appreciate his father’s work during the family dinner. Not to sit and chew on the food stopping himself from the bubbling insults and feeling jealous over their easy conversations.

Changmin doesn’t believe in love and that his soulmate will be that one who will be his air and the reason for existence.

He is pragmatic.

He knows that meeting your soulmate will not lead to any romcom happy ending. The soulmates meet and live together but that doesn’t mean they will fall in love. There are couples that easily cheat on each other after gaining what they need in the first place – a full and stable character, free from the chains of the nature.

And Changmin is a realist to the smallest bone. He wants to use this test to break away from this nature joke. He must get the freedom from the Dark genes.

He will deal with his partner later.

For now the main priority is his family.

*

Changmin is pacing along the room like crazy.

He took the SM test this morning and they said that the result would come around the noon.

That is if he is lucky…

… because what if his soulmate is younger? Then he would need to wait several years until that person is 22 and has the right to take the test.

This is completely off the plan!

Changmin looked to this day so much that he completely forgot that he was not the only part of the deal. He was so focused on himself that only after he left the building with the big pink SM letters on it and saw the cheesy slogans running on the LED screens (‘Your destiny can be playing badminton right now’; ‘Join the dance of your passion; ‘No War – just Love’) it fully dawned on him that the other breathing very-much-alive person is his possible partner for life and he would have to live and communicate with him.

And now his brain is crushing all caution signs on the road to his insanity.

“Damn! This Light person can really be younger! Or worse! Oh my god! What if he is younger and will not take the test right away??? What if this person will build his career and will not be interested in finding the soulmate? Light people always have it easy… Why did I think they would care enough to take this damn test? What if I stay like this for years!? I will have to move countries then and not meet my family for…”

A beep on his phone announces a new email.

Shim Changmin has lived for 22 years, graduated from two universities with degrees in IT field but this is the first time he is so afraid of a small icon on his notification board.

He is so deranged right now that he is about to dial Kyuhyun and ask him to rush to his apartment and open it for him but his sweaty fingers push the button accidentally and the letter is uploading on his screen.

Changmin shuts his eyes and chants his heartrate to calm down.

Takes a deep breath.

Cracks one of his eyes open.

And sees two words.

Jung Yunho.

*

“Jung Yunho. 24 years old. A teacher.”

Casually lying on the sofa Kyuhyun is going through the letter while Minho struggles on the floor to keep a very much screaming and very much red Changmin away from him.

“Well, I have only one question, dude… Why don’t they put the pictures in the file?”

“Kyu! Give the phone back!”

“I mean… he may be ugly as fuck and you need to prepare yourself to love this face till the end of your times…”

Giving up the attempts to untangle himself from the younger, Changmin sprawls on his back almost crying and Minho takes a bit of pity on him.

“Hyung! For soulmates the face doesn’t matter that much.”

Kyuhyun turns on his stomach, leaning his elbows on the pillows. There is the most indignant expression Changmin has ever seen on him.

“For soulmates – no. For their friends – yes. We will have to meet up with this cheesy couple in the future, Minho. We have to know the extent of the sacrifices we will make for this ladder of a dude.”

Changmin needs new friends. Now. And this is not his Dark inner-self thinking.

“Shut up, Kyu! He is not going to be ugly!”

“Chwang… he is a teacher.”

The wince and the tone with which Kyuhyun says it as if explaining the simplest mathematic rule to the preschoolers sets Changmin to non-stop three-storey curses.

“You know what? Fuck you and your prejudices!”

“Oh my… and you are going to kiss him with that dirty mouth? I am afraid he will make you write ‘Forgive me Mr. Jung’ one thousand times. And you will be really lucky if he changes paper for his body.”

“For fucks sake! Kyu, shut up!”

“Or no, Chwang! Did you already start to change? Look at this protection fire in his eyes, Minho!”

“Stop making me even more nervous than I already am!”

Changmin hopes it sounds like a command.

Yeah right…

… it sounds pathetically like a plea.

A freaking plea from the still unmated Dark person.

Changmin is this close to full dementia.

“So you will meet him tomorrow, Hyung?”

Changmin looks back at Minho full of hidden gratitude and wonders how this blessed soul is even anything near to Dark nature…

“… because what if he doesn’t come and you will wait there for hours like a lost puppy?”

That is why he is fucking Dark…

Changmin just gives up, mutes the background and lets his two already-for-the-2154th-time ex-friends roll him on the floor like a bowling pin.

*

The café is nice.

Too nice.

With all the flowers and the pots and the coffee bean mugs and the convoluted writings on the walls.

Too romantic and overdosing on sugar.

This is definitely a place for couples and Changmin thinks how he should have checked the place before agreeing to meet here with this Jung Yunho.

Trying to arrange a perfect first meeting? The guy is too delulu about the soulmates.

They managed to only send short emails to each other and now Changmin regrets not practicing any speeches in front of the mirror or at least google the older man’s sns profiles to know what to expect (well honestly – he did, but it seems the teachers don’t have time for excessive social interactions or Kyuhyun is right and the guy is hiding something… something like his face… Stop, Shim Changmin! You are not a shallow person!).

He still doesn’t have the slightest idea how exactly this balancing happens. How close should they be? Should they touch? Will it take minutes or hours? Will he feel the butterflies in the stomach? Or will it be more like flies swarming on his decaying from worry liver?

Changmin tried to call his mother but she said that this was the most natural process and he would know the moment it happened.

He quickly hanged up not to scream what kind of bullshit it was.

Natural… What the hell does that even mean?

Changmin is about to continue to find the most comfortable position on the chair trying to wiggle his worries out of his ass when he hears his name.

And thinks he might have some kind of hallucination.

Because his name can’t sound this melodic and soft.

He turns around to see a man hovering over him.

“I finally found you! My name is Jung Yunho. Nice to meet you!”

Changmin looks at the hand stretched towards him and thinks how stupid everything is in this world.

How he is destined to suffer because suddenly he can’t feel his receptors sending the signals to his brain to catch the beginning of that natural process supposedly taking place right now.

All due to a number of stupid reasons.

Because somehow this stupid light from the window behind the man slightly smudges his lines and makes him shine as if from within, and somehow the sun reflects from the mirror on the wall and projects into those warm brown eyes, and somehow the blinks are fucking with his eyesight and make it look like the man’s smile colors this cutesy café even more.

I received the wrong name in the email. This is a mistake.

Thinks Changmin while shaking the hand of Jung Yunho and feeling the cells in his hand tickle with the kisses of the sun.

~

Apart from his family, Changmin doesn’t communicate with Light people a lot. So when they make an order he feels a slight irritation from being able to predict that the man will, of course, choose the sweetest milkshake existing on the menu.

So typical of Light people to be ridiculously cheesy even in the small things like this. And this guy seems to be the illustrative representative of the Light community.

Changmin’s brain goes 1000 MB/s through all parts of his software and the more time passes the more frustrated he becomes because he doesn’t feel anything different.

Surely his heart goes well over the limit, the hands are slightly shaking, the mouth is all dry and idiotically gets a brain of its own which thinks that the water to his desert is possessed by the man across him – but this is all bullshit due to the stress of socializing for the first time in a while so Changmin shoves these symptoms far away… far… far...

I said FAR!

Changmin gathers up the courage and asks his soulm… Yunho if he knows anything about the balancing process only to feel disappointed when the other is just as oblivious as he is.

This leads to the loss of subject and a lot of sipping of the drinks in awkward silence.

Yunho’s phone vibrates and he shyly (since when Light people can be shy?) explains that he has to answer it as this is a call from work.

Changmin just nods sealing his mouth for good.

Abusing the children’s ears through the phone is the last thing he needs right now. So he steals awkward glances at Yunho who is ridiculously gentle in comforting some kid who wanted his Vitamin teacher back. Changmin is about to collapse from the urge to throw a snarky pun when Yunho catches his eyes and smiles.

Which is illegal.

Because this accidentally sucks out the whole air storage out of the younger and makes his blood rush to the thinnest layers of his skin to CPR itself there.

Changmin forcefully turns to look at the mirror on the wall.

Perfect.

Now he can watch Yunho secretly and try to finish the defragmentation of his hard disks which somehow melted into a poodle of liquid metal like that Terminator character.

Oh God! He doesn’t even remember which part it was! He is freaking ill!

The defragmentation is difficult because his system glitches and tries to reboot every time he follows the counters of Yunho’s features and Changmin is about to think that some soulmates are born to hebetate each other to the level where they will not understand the difference between the good and the bad being too busy formulating a simple sentence.

It is also difficult because he notices that the waiter who took their order – some Siwon as his name badge says – is now busy shamelessly eye-fucking his way through Yunho’s silhouette and smiling every time Yunho’s eyes form half-moons, which is almost all the time.

Changmin feels like using one of his Dark abilities – to complain fully on the matter of service till the moment the other person is fired and deported from the country.

This freak should know at least some boundaries! We might be just the visitors but this place is a couple’s hot spot! He can’t just drool over someone without even hiding it!

It is only after the third time that Changmin hears Yunho calling his name. The older apologizes profusely as his lunch break is really short and he is needed at work right now so he has to leave.

Changmin just hums, afraid to let his mouth live its own life and create the problems he somehow doesn’t wish to have around this man.

His mood is quickly darkening more than it is possible when he sees how that eyefuckshithead Siwon has the decency to come again and bring their bill.

Yunho is about to pay for their drinks when Siwon accidentally spills Changmin’s black coffee all over Yunho’s sweater.

The pin drops.

A second stretches.

And the words of unimaginable curse kept inside for a long time fly out of Changmin’s mouth accompanied by Yunho’s sweet repetition of It’s ok! Don’t worry!

Changmin freezes and stares at Yunho.

It is mostly not the fact that Changmin doesn’t catch any changes inside him and is going on his usual rampage.

It is that fat detail that Yunho forgives that fucker easily even when it is clear that he almost burnt his arm.

Forgives without hesitation just as any Light person.

Before balancing.

Changmin hears his heart staccato an OST from the horror film.

Nothing has changed.

He is fucked.

*

Changmin is lying on the bed, face buried in the pillows and tries to hypnotize himself into oblivion.

This allows Kyuhyun and Minho to continue their quest in drawing the bunny ears on his feet.

“My life is a disaster!”

Changmin is not even moving when Kyuhyun bends his knee and starts painting his nails with the red permanent marker while Minho attempts to add more mustaches to his ankles.

“Why am I so unlucky? Why can’t I simply meet my soulmate and fix this damn nature bug!”

“Why don’t you call him and ask for another meeting? Maybe it takes more time… or fewer people around… or fewer clothes for this to work?”

Changmin just groans.

He would like to call Yunho.

But how can he freaking ask him out after the fail they had? Changmin really wants to apologize and explain everything to the older but doubts there is even a point. Yunho saw him and nothing changed. Maybe there was a mistake in the test and they sent him the wrong match? He probably should just write to SM Company and clarify it before embarrassing himself even more.

“But what if there is no mistake?”

“That is the only explanation for all this mess.”

“But what if you are truly soulmates?”

Sometimes Changmin forgets how Kyuhyun likes to professionally console him on his worst days. The famous technique is now being patented by Kyuhyun's signature on Changmin's elbow.

“This is impossible. They should find new ones then.”

Losing interest in abstract drawing Minho lies down on the pillows. That cover Changmin's head.

If this suffocation can lead to partial amnesia – Changmin will welcome it with open arms.

“Are there even cases like that? I think SM Company has not had anything similar in the past. Their matches are always right.”

“Well then – we are the first case of them fucking up.”

“This is even sadder…”

Changmin can argue but finally resurfaces from the mess of the linen and looks at Minho.

“Why?”

“Because even if you are broken soulmates – they definitely will not do anything. Just imagine the uproar in the society. Everyone believes that they have another half and here you two descend from nowhere announcing that you are not compatible together, as if you are another kind of beings. There are two paths they can take. First – they lock you two up somewhere, keeping you away like their most awful secret and we will never see you again. Second – they will paint you as crazy gold-diggers trying to gain money from the company for nothing and then the whole society will destroy you because no one will believe your words if the company fakes your results in their favour and believe me they will not take a risk of ruining their business for a teacher and his pathetic IT hubby.”

Changmin sniffs a little.

Ok, maybe not a little.

Maybe he is bawling his eyes out now like crazy because his life is undoubtedly ending right at 22 years old.

He is going to close himself in the dungeon and intoxicate with beer till the end of the times.

He is about to write a will – which Kyuhyun and Minho support by providing a pen and a piece of paper simultaneously arguing about who will get the latest unpacked Lego boxes – when Changmin’s phone goes off.

Changmin sees the name, shoves both of his again-ex-friends off the bed and almost drops the phone while pressing answer.

“Yunho?”

“Yes... Hello, Changmin!”

“Ummm… hi?”

The moment is pierced by Kyuhyun’s groan as he pushes Minho away from his leg.

“Did I interrupt something?”

“What? NO! Nothing at all… I was just watching the TV.”

“Oh… ok.”

Changmin's heart is redbulling its way through his ribcage. He gets up and hurriedly enters the balcony, glad to welcome additional oxygen in his system.

“Did something happen?”

“No… yes? I mean I wanted… I wonder… if you want to meet again? And you know… to discuss… things?”

“Huh?”

“Well, it’s ok if you are busy! I mean I just called my parents and they said that sometimes it takes longer time for the soulmates to adjust to each other and well…”

Changmin is choking on his tongue but somehow manages to spill a rather polite reply.

“I will meet you if you still want it?”

“Still? What do you mean?”

The purity of Yunho's surprise sets Changmin on fire. It is so adorable that he is oblivious of the reason, as if nothing embarrassing or outrageously rude happened at the cafe. Changmin almost rolls himself over the rails when his brain starts matching Yunho with adorable in all his system logs.

WTF!?

“Ummm… I thought you would not want to see my face ever again.”

“Changminnie…”

And fuck it if Changmin didn’t just miss 32 heartbeats.

“… I waited for my soulmate for 2 years. I can’t give up now. Can you?”

Yeah… damn it all but Changmin is not a quitter.

“No, I can’t too.”

*

They manage to meet in two days.

Thankfully Yunho leaves the choice of their meeting place to Changmin and they greet each other by the riverbank after their shifts, where no one will disturb them nor Changmin will create any chaos by his untimely remarks.

They recite about themselves as if passing the first job interviews filled with the obligatory clumsy pauses.

Mostly from Changmin.

As his brain is too busy to grasp any kind of changes that are happening to his feelings rather than memorizing the names of the kids from the Little Rabbit group.

Alas.

There is nothing new.

Just the same usual tranquility that he cherishes so much cloaked by his smarty that unbelievably doesn’t make Yunho run away from him. Changmin almost believes that Yunho’s laugh at his savage sarcasm and attentive listening to his pessimistic lifepath are sincere.

Luckily, every time Yunho readily welcomes the darkest parts of Changmin, he reminds himself that the older reacts like this because of his Ligh nature.

Which is… cool.

Awesome actually… That strange dull thump right now is really out of place… huh?

Thinks Changmin on his way back and almost walks into the wall being too busy recalling how he could not concentrate on anything as the stars somehow made its way into Yunho’s eyes and shone brightly for the whole evening.

*

Adult life is hard and they are swept by work.

They still write messages to each other during the day.

Because it is easier – Changmin is able to answer coherently (that is after half an hour of thinking over each word he wants to send).

*

One day the company servers are down for the unknown reason and it leaves Changmin buried under the extra hours at work.

Yunho is forgiving and understanding of Changmin’s seldom replies – as any Light person – and by the end of the week his messages come fewer and fewer.

Changmin thinks that it might be OK.

If they are those first-and-last malfunctioned soulmates it will lead to them quietly living their lives separately, without stressing out because of each other’s flawed nature.

They wouldn’t even meet if not for that test.

So Changmin better use this opportunity to let Yunho lose interest completely and spare him his volcano character. In the end, the usual interactions between Dark and Light people are not meant to exist. They are just better to stay in their respective parts of the world.

And Yunho is evidently tired of him already.

The older will never say this out loud blocked by his nature so Changmin should just help him here and make the first step back.

In the end Yunho…

         ... seems to be a good guy.

*

Changmin checks in at the security desk, walks through the offices and feels the nervosity flying in the air, sending even the simple visitors on edge. He enters the little back office he shares with Kyuhyun and other IT managers and is greeted by the hissing shouts.

“Chwang, what the fuck did you do?”

Kyuhyun ambushes him by the door and Changmin thinks that if Kyuhyun had an opportunity and less pride he would totally use the nearest chair to protect himself from the invisible force that evidently would torture their insides out. 

“Kyu, did you play the zombie games again?”

“It’s worse than any Saw films…”

“Worse?”

“The boss wants to see you!”

“And?”

“The BOSS, Chwang!!!!”

Changmin feels his mouth turning into a sand chunk.

The BOSS can mean only one person in their big company – Kim Heechul.

The Darkest Darky of the Dark existing in Korea, maybe in the world.

Heechul is famous not only among Dark community but also among the Light one for his obstinate unwillingness to change. The rumors say that he bought the right for him not to be tested ever in his life and if anyone dares to put his sample into SM database they will be sued to living in poverty for three generations.

He is also the only known Dark person who overtook over the whole branch in the company and is evidently proud of what other Dark people hide – his forward ruthless bearing-no-nonsense personality.

Everyone wonders how the board directors have any patience with him but Changmin has to admit that the man is really good at what he does. And for business it is only favorable.

So Changmin really can’t get how in the world such a big shark as Heechul actually knows his name.

His legs start wobbling as he nears the office on the 11th floor.

Changmin is about to knock on the door when the man himself appears in front of him like a hurricane.

“Who the hell are… Oh! Shim Changmin?”

“Ummm… yes? You called for me, sir?”

Heechul raises himself on tiptoes to stare at Changmin's face. The intensity of his gaze makes the younger back away all the way to the wall.

“Hmm… truly bambi eyes.”

Changmin is horrified.

“Sir?”

“No time! We are late! Let’s go!”

He takes Changmin by the hand and drags him out of the building to some strange quiet but cozy bar at the crossroad.

Changmin is shitting himself because if Heechul took him hostage to sell his organs to some shady organization Changmin is not sure he will fight back. More likely he will say please, you can start from here – politely, for the first time in his life, without the participation of his soulmate balance in the process.

The soulmate who is now staring at him with wide eyes from one of the booths.

“Yunhoya!”

“Heechul? What are you doing? And why is Changmin here?”

“What do you mean? I finally set you two up!”

He shoves Changmin rather unceremonially into the booth and sits at the head of the table smiling like a Cheshire cat.

“Heechul!”

“What? I am really tired of your shitblank face that you wear almost all the time, Yunho! You have to settle this today and spare the world the lost kitty aura you have been channeling lately. You rob the real kittens of YouTube views.”

Changmin looks at the banter that plays out in front of him and manages to mutter in disbelief.

“Are you… friends?”

Both men freeze and turn to him with their hands still in a ridiculous theater action.

Heechul is the first to defrost.

“Yes! Why are you so surprised?”

“But…”

Changmin wants to say a lot of things but thankfully his mouth coordination sucks today.

Which unfortunately gives Heechul the opportunity to talk further.

“… but how can a Lightie and a Darkie be friends? You see it’s quite easy. People are too narrow-minded nowadays to try to see further than their one-color noses. Anyone can be friends if they are willing to. And the genes don't matter here. But this is not why we are hiding in this booth like the freshmen celebrating their first successful one night stands…”

“Can you lower your voice… Sir?” adds Changmin hastily, glancing around and sighing with relief when no one rushes to their table to throw them out.

“Just Heechul is fine but… why should I care to comply with what you ask me to do?”

Changmin is gaping at him and then turns to Yunho who only shrugs his shoulders as if he heard the same audacious question for the nth time and is ready to listen to the unchanged answer again.

Changmin should stay silent. (He can’t.)

“I know how hard it is to control yourself and not let your mouth to spatter the nonsense you don’t mean…”

“Oh, my lovely child! I say what I mean whenever I want.”

“But you are… ”

Still cringing from lovely child Changmin bites his lips not to say too much again.

“… Dark? Yes I am and this is awesome! You should try not to put yourself in your imaginary box when it is evident that you are just like me, Changminnie.”

“Heechul! Don’t call him Changminnie!” exclaims a very red Yunho.

“Why? Because only you can call him that? So possessive, Yundola! Light people will disown you if they hear this… ”

Changmin’s brain is out of order attempting to utter the numerous objections to the imaginary box while simultaneously downloading the new drivers to be able to hear Changminnie and not to combust on spot.

“I am so sorry, Changdollah.”

Yunho’s eyes are sparkling.

Why the hell are they sparkling?

“Oh! A new nickname! You and your kinks, Yunhoya…”

“Heechul!”

Changmin is dead.

He died on his way to that cutesy café – only this would explain the whole mess he got himself into up to this point.

Heechul stops Yunho’s shy apologies for everything by shoving a creamy drink in his face and continues his favourite exercise – talking.

“Anyway, that is not the point. I want to deal with your problem right now. I am so tired of your pining face these days, Yunho.”

Heechul’s face is all gentle and soft for a moment and Changmin wonders if this is a mirage because the next second the man points a finger at him and squints dangerously.

“… which is all your fault.”

“Mine?”

“How dare you stop calling and messaging him? Are you that type? Used, abused and refused?”

“WHAT!? The hell is this shit…”

Changmin sees how Yunho shoves his hand to stop Heechul from proceeding with his escapade. He feels like kicking Heechul for what he said, to inflict pain on a person for the first time in his life, but suddenly his mind is all blank.

“Yunho…”

“Sorry, Changminnie. Forget what he said.”

The older’s tone is full of ease but he doesn’t turn to look back and Changmin doesn’t like it.

“Yunho… did you think I used you?”

“Didn’t you?” comes a soft whisper.

The first instinct is to scream NO and flick the older on the forehead but then Changmin remembers…

The reason he wanted to take the test in the first place.

The silence makes Yunho finally meet Changmin’s eyes and Heechul disengages from the iron lock the older had on him. He is about to shoot the real insults at Changmin but Yunho beats him by the request the younger wishes not to hear ever in his life.

“Tell me, Changmin. The truth. As blunt as Dark people can.”

Changmin’s guts turn and turn, sending the cold sweat waves along his spine but Changmin thinks he owns Yunho at least this.

“I will lie if I say that I took the test and found you only out of love dream. I… wanted to finally feel complete. I am tired of this freaking uncontrollable glitch in the genes. I wanted my family… to be able finally…”

This is like a scene from the cinema – Changmin looks at himself muttering the excuses that mean nothing and are very unfair to Yunho. The older doesn’t have anything to do with his dreams and private matters.

Changmin truly forgot that the other half of his soul is a human being.

He is fuckingly, purely, originally Dark. 

And no need to complain of Nature and other circumstances. He hurt Yunho and that is the only thing he should have foreseen before absent-mindedly diving into this adventure.

Maybe Nature saw his pitiful soul and decided to punish him?

Only it ricocheted and now Yunho is also the affected person.   

Changmin wants to throw himself from the nearest bridge.

“It doesn’t matter. Forget what I said. In the end everything is useless. You noticed that too, right? How nothing changed inside us. We can’t balance each other and I don’t think time is the reason.”

Yunho lowers his gaze and that is the only confirmation Changmin needs. He wishes to say a proper good-bye but knows it is impossible.

Better to return home and write him a detailed apology. And then we will carry on with our lives. At least try to.

But this is apparently not in Heechul’s plans.    

“Yunho, you said that you didn’t feel anything different. How exactly did you know that nothing changed?”

“Ummm… They say that after balancing Light people can snap and refuse and be angry but I have never felt anything close to this after meeting Changminnie.”

“Did you understand this on that day too, Changmin?”

“Yes… Yunho burnt his arm on hot coffee but didn’t even try to put that eyefucker in place…”

“Eyefucker?” wonders Heechul.

And this might ring the first bell for Changmin before the coming storm but he is too engrossed in a repetitive beating the shit out of that waiter in his mind and doesn’t notice a mischievous glint in Heechul’s eyes.

“Yunho, dear! You didn’t go on a rampage and ask for compensation after this?”

“Heechul, I am not you. This was just an accident.”

This might be a second bell but Changmin is too stupid.

Just as Yunho.

Just as Heechul thought.

He gulps his beer while Changmin speaks so quickly that by the end of the sentences he lacks air in his lungs.

“You see!? He is a walking sample of Light community! He should have filed a complaint! I was so determined to do that but he didn’t let me! That guy doesn’t deserve working there! I should just go there when I have time and… ”

This is a bell #3 but Changmin is deaf in the end.

Heechul itches to lash out on these representatives of the new age and finally scientifically prove one of his theories – that each generation is undergoing a stronger degradation – but his brain supplies a new idea.

And Heechul loves his brain.

He adores it.

He will buy lots of beautiful hats for it to outfashion any other pathetic brains in his district.

He finishes going through the plan one more time and interrupts Changmin.

“Well… I see only one way out of this then.”

Yunho almost jumps.

“You mean there is a solution? That balancing is still possible?”

“Of course!” He locks their hands in his and solemnly takes a deep breath. “You need to move in together!”

“WHAT!?”

The shouts of both young men make the bartender break the glasses that he polishes the whole morning. Heechul throws several banknotes on the tray of the passing by waiter and winks at the perplexed guy. Seeing how his charm is still in place as the faces of the waiter and the bartender match the ripest tomatoes he returns his attention to the possible drama of the year.

“Yes! We start tomorrow. Changmin, I know that you rent the apartment with your friends – so you will move into Yunho’s newly repaired flat. Help him to create a nice home nest that will be perfect for the lovebirds like you two. It will help you to fix your little problem here.”

Changmin is not sure how he starts talking but is proud that he doesn’t look like a fish. Like Yunho right now.

“How do you know I live with my friends? Why should we move in together just because of your whim? Who are you to… ”

Heechul gets up abruptly leaning close to Changmin’s face. Eyes of the madman.

“I ran a check on you and I should say there are a lot of interesting details. Especially on your friend Kyuhyun. And you will do as I say because I am still your boss or I will fire you today and start such an awful rumor about your useless ass that even the most heartless Dark Boss will never hire you for life!”

Finishing this monologue in one go and sitting back Heechul straightens his tie and smirks at Yunho.

“Do I need to persuade you too?”

Yunho is able only to shake his head slowly.

“Awesome! So what is your final choice, Mr. Shim?”

Changmin has seen a lot of things in life and scary games but the sweet chuckle of Kim Heechul is the picture he doesn’t want to see ever again in his life.

“We will move in together tomorrow,” confirms the fleshcoat which is called Shim Changmin.

Heechul finishes his beer being explicitly pleased with himself.

Changmin silently prays that his teeth don’t shake as much as his hands while he is chewing on the dried squid.

Yunho is sipping his creamy drink trying to hide a treacherous smile that is creeping on his lips.

*

Changmin moves in the next day, with Heechul’s strict supervision, Kyuhyun’s hyena laugh at his hurriedly packed luggage, Minho hiding his favourite games and Yunho smiling apologetically with a mix of something else.

Changmin had a suggestion to let the others see the show and leave for the hotel to stay in, in order not to trouble Yunho but the older said that Heechul would make their lives a living hell if they didn’t cooperate.

Yunho is right as Heechul takes it as his main priority to check on them at ungodly hours.

*

Living with Yunho allows Changmin to see how vastly different they are in almost everything – from books preferences to hobbies, from waking up hours to food choices, from colors to water temperature.

This leads to them trying to compromise and somehow along the way the formal days of the week transform into a pizza day, a film day, a jogging day, a bowling day, a strawberryXbeer day and a lot of others.

By this time, being a hardcore introvert, Changmin should have already complained and barricaded himself in the room to have his golden just-for-me hours but…

… the life is not that bad, becomes even richer and one day he is surprised to see how a picnic at the park can recharge him better than two days of coma-sleeping.

Yunho merges into some kind of force pushing Changmin further and out of the secured bubble. The younger is taken aback to find himself greeting this change eagerly.

It should be because Yunho is Light. Just because of this…

The older can’t push him nor possesses any power to diss Changmin’s actions.

Not like that time when Minho “taught” him to play the new football game and celebrated each win as if it were a World Cup competition (for fuck's sake – he gained so much experience before! Of course Changmin would lose to him).

And definitely not like that time when Kyuhyun dragged Changmin into the club and dumped him without saying anything to hook up with some Chinese exchange student (she broke up with him real quick – so the karma was restored).

Surely there are a lot of annoying moments.

Just remember those socks thrown around the living room every morning or the toothpaste mercilessly distorted in the MIDDLE or the mess in the kitchen that Yunho calls cleaning after the dinner. It was a higher level of torture for Changmin to suppress his Dark nature from sprawling Yunho on the strappado and let the steam out.

Fortunately on one particular morning – when the older manages to drop the rice on the floor and leave it there, washes Changmin’s white sweater with his red pants but more importantly runs in his shoes through the living room to pick up his forgotten phone – Changmin’s inner cheeks are so severely damaged from his constant biting that he blows up and starts delivering the lecture on the manners and the new house rules for half an hour. Yunho just stares at him, at first surprised but then excitedly nodding to everything. He even expresses happiness that Changmin is so open and sincere with him…

THESE FREAKING LIGHT PEOPLE AND THEIR FREAKING FORGIVENESS!

Changmin rages even more after that but Yunho takes a habit to smile softly at him and gently squeeze Changmin’s shoulder in a way of understanding and something more.

Time passes and Changmin catches himself looking forward to Yunho’s unique attentiveness when he tells him about the mundane things while they are having breakfast, how he feels excited when Yunho barges into his room early in the morning to announce their spontaneous trip to buy the ice cream for the nighttime storage, how Yunho’s face lights up when Changmin picks him up from work, how he is so delighted when the younger surrenders to the children’s will with a silent prayer in his eyes to save him, how Yunho is able to survive even his most severe sarcasm attacks and somehow see them as funny and cute?

Changmin knows that they are a broken pair of soulmates.

That they will have to stay incomplete till the end of their lives, dealing with their opposite natures.

But…

    … each day passes and he thinks that this…

                           … the way they are with each other…

                                                    … it is also…

                                                                        …ok.

So when Kyuhyun sends him an email with the address and the details of how to appeal against the SM test and try to make the company find them the suitable partners again – Changmin marks this letter as read and closes his laptop to help Yunho to cut the paper snowflakes for tomorrow’s children concert.

*

Changmin watches as Yunho slowly goes through the pile of the gramophone records placed in the boxes in the middle of the room.

He will never confirm it even under the torture but Changmin spent a week searching for this old music store. He dragged the older here on their day off for Yunho to find something new for his precious collection.

Because Yunho makes such a serious face each time he is choosing the best background soundtrack for Changmin’s cooking during their evenings and his eyes always end up glistening like the blinks after the rain when those signature shuffling noises appear right before the song starts.

Used to end up.

Changmin will feel satisfied if Yunho finds something to his taste but his main mission today is to return Yunho’s smile back.

Or more like to see the sincere smile back.

Changmin started to notice the changes in Yunho’s features and behavior several weeks ago. He had a hard and long time accepting the fact that something is wrong with the older because everyone around brushed off Changmin’s worries and observations.

All of them were reeling off how Yunho was the same remarkable Light person, with the wide smiles, crystal laugh, and kind heart.

Yunho really behaves like that but…

Can’t they see that his smile doesn’t fully reach his eyes, that his laugh is cracked in the fragile places, that his heart is covered by a thin sheer veil which blurs everything that was openly displayed before!?

At one point Changmin even thought that he was going crazy alone.

Did he put too much meaning where there was none? Was his Dark nature poisoning his life with the excessive negativity about everything? Did he cross the line and his brain was simply projecting his worries and insecurities onto the closest person? 

Changmin lost the count of the hours at night when he stayed awake and tried to persuade himself that nothing changed in Yunho until the older stopped bugging him with his creative ideas, started to avoid discussing the events of the day during the dinner, looked as if he was blocking the words Changmin was saying to him at any situation and flinched just slightly when Changmin called his name loudly.

At first, Changmin thought it was connected to the work stress but after the younger’s secret quest to school to “pass Yunho his forgotten lunch” he eliminated this guess as all Yunho’s colleagues were saying the same nice things about his hard work and the immense love the children gift him with.    

But there WAS something!

The idea to find out the real reason sounded a bit outrageous in Changmin’s head.

In the end – who is he to worm himself into Yunho’s soul?

Of course, they became closer while rooming together but that doesn’t mean that Changmin gained any right to meddle in Yunho’s private matters.

He thought that he should leave the older alone for him to settle anything that was bothering him inside. Besides it’s not like Yunho will be able to explain to him his worries or fears – Light people are blocked from expressing their hidden dark emotions and Changmin is a failure of a human being as he couldn’t balance his soulmate’s feelings and unlock a way for him to release the stress and anxiety.

“Found anything eye-catching, Yunho?”

Upon hearing his name Yunho jerks a little, as if being caught off guard, and Changmin wishes he could slam his head against the wall for possibly scaring the older again.

When he promised himself to be careful and cautious.

“Ummm… I think I will take this one?”

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, very much! Thank you!”

Again…

… this stretching of the lips that Changmin is not even able to call a fake smile.

Yunho takes a step towards the cashier desk and Changmin doesn’t notice how the next second he is hovering over the older blocking his way.

“Changmin?”

Changminnie!

Wants to scream the younger.

Why did you stop calling me like this? Why so formal out of nowhere?

All the thoughts are swimming in Changmin’s head, crushing together and slowing him down from the immediate response.

A second more passes and Changmin feels how he doesn’t care anymore.

He needs the answers now.

Or something dangerous will be unleashed inside him and he can’t let his Dark hurt Yunho under any circumstances.

“Yunho… say…”

“YUNHO! What a surprise!”

Both men turn to the source of the voice.

“Hojun?”

Changmin stands awkwardly alone while Yunho is hugging and chatting with the shorter man with the glasses.

It turns out that Hojun is a childhood friend of Yunho and just returned from his company located in Japan for a short vacation. They haven't seen each other for 2 years and as time is precious they spontaneously decide to have a lunch together.

On their way back after two hours at the restaurant, Changmin understands several things.

First – for the first time in his life Changmin can't remember the taste of the food he ate.

Second – he can play the role of the ghost in the future as the excited pair seemed to forget he was even present at the table at one point.

Third – the reason for Yunho's change might be much more frightening than he could ever imagine.

Because by the end of the evening Changmin is sure that it consists of only one word.

Him.

The younger grips the wheel of the car feeling the sudden sickness rising from within.

He wants to scream and at the same time hysterically laugh at himself because how dense he should have been that he didn't notice it before?

The reality delivers such a low blow as the difference between Yunho with him and Yunho with the people he trully cherishes is so striking that Changmin can't pick up the pieces of his shattered soul.

The soul that seems to be completely useless at any important point of his life.

*

They enter the apartment and Changmin feels and sees everything as if in slow motion.

Yunho is humming a happy tune and goes to boil the water for tea. His eyes are radiating the warmth that was absent all those weeks and Changmin wishes to reach and check if it can melt his rough arctic lines. Yunho is oblivious to his inner blizzard and the younger wishes it stayed like this forever.

Because when Yunho is filling the cup with the sugar and clumsily spills some on the floor he immediately looks up at Changmin muttering the excuses and hurriedly trying to clean it up.

Changmin asks him to leave it for a minute but Yunho continues without listening to him. The younger has to grasp his hands to make him stop.

And the world stops too.

They are frozen in an awkward half sitting position and Changmin hears his heartbeat deafening him. He looks into Yunho's eyes and can't find any trace of the happiness from a second ago.

A second that didn't include him in the picture.

Changmin swallows the cry of pain and thinks his whole body is skinned alive because he finally sees it.

He fell in love.

He freaking fell in love with the soulmate while being a broken half of their pair.

He couldn't even balance Yunho – to fulfill the only fucking reason for his existence – and then he hurt him by admitting to his real motives.

The cold pragmatical motives…

… that were connected to Yunho.

Who passed SM test because he really looked forward to meeting his other half since childhood as he admitted shyly during one of their movie nights.

Who believed in true love and marriage and that allowed him to patiently wait those two years for the day he finally received a letter of SM match.

Who forgave Changmin and warmly welcomed him at his home after Heechul's demand to move in together.

Who accepted after some time that this roommate plan didn't work but still didn't mention to Changmin that they could finally live separately…

But how the hell would he ask Changmin to do that??

He is unbalanced Light!

Of course he can't force Changmin to leave or say that he is not welcomed here anymore or that he is sick of Changmin's constant complaints or that he is angry or that because of Changmin he will stay faulted till the end of his life or that he is happy with other people and doesn't wish to see his face…

Oh my God…. Hojun… him…

Changmin takes a sharp breath.

Everything burns now with a seasoning of bitter tears.

He is so late.

Even if he tries somehow to express his feelings through awkward actions they will not be welcomed. Yunho clearly wants to move on from their broken coexistence and be happy.

Just as he was today.

“Changmin, are you ok?”

The younger blinks several times to gather his thoughts.

He knows what he should do. Should have done long ago.

“I think… I have to go."

“Oh… alright. Sleep well. It was a tiring day...”

“No, Yunho… I should go home – my home. I thinks it's time we move out… the time I move out. Heechul will understand. So much time passed…”

“Suddenly now? Why?”

Yunho's face is a mixture of emotions but Changmin is not sure he is able to read them right. Especially after today.

“As you can't say that yourself – just know… I get it. That you are unhappy with me. I should have noticed that earlier. Call Hojun, invite him over…”

“Why are you bringing up Hojun into this?”

“I am not blind, Yunho. You were so happy with him today. We all know that the soulmates are not destined to fall in love. So as we… didn't work… didn't balance as we should have – I think you can focus on him or any other person who will make you at least smile sincerely.”

The silence falls between them and Changmin thinks he’d better move to collect his clothes to leave the place as it hurts him physically that he can look at Yunho but can't touch him nor say the words he keeps inside.

Yunho turns away. Maybe subconsciously offering Changmin the opportunity to start what he announced.

“So you will leave just like that?”

“Yes. I have to let you go. Let you finally enjoy your life.”

Changmin turns to go to his room and prays he has enough strength to reach it without his legs giving in. He is about to open the door when he feels something bumping against his head. He looks down and sees the small pillow from the sofa lying near his feet. Its identical brother joins the fallen one very soon after connecting with Changmin's forehead.

“Let go!? Enjoy your life!? You know what? Fuck you!”

Changmin stares in shock at Yunho who is breathing hard, as if he ran a marathon.

The younger should be freaking out because Yunho, a Light person, just threw things at him with the evident intent to hurt him but he is more stupefied by the fact that Yunho, a Light person, just cursed at him!

“What did you say?”

Yunho seems trying to collect himself only to stare resolutely in Changmin's eyes and pronounce every word loud and clear.

“I said – Fuck You Very Much, Shim Changmin!”

“Yunho…”

“No! Don't Yunho me! You think you can just leave? After all the time we spent together? Finally, you have the courage to throw me away but using a pathetic excuse of Hojun or other people that make you smile is so fucking humiliating! At least have the freaking balls to tell me the truth!”

“Truth? What do you mean? Which truth?”

“That you want to get rid of me to be able to pass SM test again!”

The last sentence is shouted almost at the top of the lungs which suprises both of them and Yunho finally cools down a bit while Changmin is trying to digest the information he’s just heard.

“Yunho… I am not going to take SM test again. Why would you…”

“I saw the letter from Kyuhyun.”

The horrible realization startles Changmin.

That letter!

He should have deleted it!

“I didn't mean to pry into your private things but you allowed me to download those songs for my morning runs and I… just…”

“Yunho, listen to me. I didn’t plan to retake the test…”

Changmin makes a step forward wishing to explain but Yunho continues, unable to stop anymore.

“You know… I looked forward to the day I meet my soulmate so much. My parents said it was like magic. Every night I tried to imagine what it would be like but you know what? It was a hundred times better! I was so happy that I actually forgot that balancing should have happened at all until you brought it up… I knew you didn't have any feelings for me but it was enough… like this… meeting and talking… and when you agreed to live with me! I felt so blessed! I thought I had a chance but… I should have known better… this hurts so fucking much to know that you hate me so passionately! To the extent that you wished to retake the test… Oh God! I am so pathetic! I knew I had to let you go but I couldn't! Every time you wanted to talk to me I was afraid that it was this day when you finally severe all the ties with me. I tried not to irritate you with my habits because I thought that then you would at least stay sharing the apartment with me and I would be able to see your face and hear your voice…”

“I love you."

“… and then I could make sure you were… WHAT?”

“I love you – for a long time already.”

Changmin feels his cheeks hurting.

But not from the constant biting to suppress the words.

Only because he is smiling so much that his stretched skin on the face is a breath from splitting.

He smiles even wider when Yunho mirrors his bursting condition – but only with eyes.

“Changminnie, you… how could you say those words? We are unbalanced! You… can't…”

“Then how could you curse like a sailor?”

“What? Me?”

“Just now, Yunho. Fuck you very much, Shim Changmin…”

Yunho is biting his lips in embarrassment starting to get red slowly.

“… which is a very colorful expression indeed but I would love to use it not in a figurative sense in the future."

Yunho is as red as the pomegranate juice now.

The comparison that definitely doesn't help Changmin to steady his heartbeat.

“We can do all this… so it means we are…”

“… stupid," finishes Changmin right before he pulls Yunho into a kiss that wipes out their memories for some time.

After they breathlessly break from each other Changmin gently buries his hand in Yunho's hair and leans his forehead against Yunho’s.

“I can't believe that my own stupidity and overthinking kept me away from talking to you normally.”

“You talk just fine. I love how you talk actually. You are so…”

“… cute. I remember how you have strange standards for polite…” starts Changmin only to shut his mouth abruptly. “Sorry…”

Yunho's gaze is so soft and shining that Changmin feels like the glass in the kaleidoscope catching the sun of his life.

“Don't apologize for this, Changminnie. I fell in love with your Darkness in the end."

Changmin furrows his brow to object but Yunho kisses his words away with a speed of the light.

*

“You own me your future children,” excitedly mutters Heechul while filling each glass with wine.

Yunho and Changmin invited him together with Kyuhyun and Minho to celebrate the New Year at their apartment.

“Heechul, you know that we can't physically do that – we are both…”

Heechul shoos Yunho impatiently handing him over the empty bottle.

“You can adopt. And then gift them to me."

“And a couple to us," manages to utter Kyuhyun while munching on the apple pie, blocking the possibility of others to steal his pieces with the paper boxes from the delivery.

“And why the hell would you need children?” asks Changmin almost politely, amusingly studying this barricade.

“Kyuhyun is right. We need new blood. To keep us company, to play games and go on trips. You dumped us, Changmin.”

Changmin is eyeing Minho incredulously and then corners Heechul.

“Ya! Your influence is spoiling them."

“I don't influence anyone! I help them to accept their true nature. Just like I helped you."

“You didn't!” exclaims the younger.

Heechul just stares lifting his eyebrows slowly.

Sadly Changmin still can't fight these horrifying glares.

“Ok… you did."

“Good boy, Changminnie! Ouch!”

Changmin leans back enjoying how Yunho is quick to smack Heehul into silence any time he wants.

This is a marvelous sight.

“I still can't believe you didn't notice you balanced right at your first meeting and spent so much time being such blockheads,” says Heechul trying to massage the place of Yunho's attack.

“What can I say… We were too busy falling in love at first sight~” singsongs Yunho while settling into Changmin's warm embrace.

Changmin hears the other three imitating completely untasty sounds after this declaration and he would be glad to scold them but he is too busy kissing Yunho senseless and feeling the happiness of two confidently merge into one.