Work Text:
Dear Gilbert,
I have been writing to you for a long time, but this one is harder to write than the others.
You changed my life. I am not writing reports anymore; I’m writing letters. I think this is the first letter that I am writing to you. Hundreds of reports, but this is the first letter that I get to sign with my own name, with a “sincerely” or a “with love” pinned to the end. Can you believe that? You put that pen in my hands, told me that writing was important, and you were right.
I have to admit, I do not know what I am trying to say to you. Thank you? Goodbye? Saying goodbye would never work. I still wear the brooch around my neck and there is not a single part of me that wishes to stop. It is too important. You are too important and I know that a part of me will always be searching for you in the rubble. I will always see the back of a soldier’s head and hope that your face is on the other side; I will always think of not myself, but of your smile when I look at violets.
Maybe I’m just trying to thank you.
Thank you for my name. Thank you for never once calling me “hey,” and never treating me as less than human. I am not sure that even I knew I was a person until you came along and told me that I could be happy. Thank you for Hodgins, for teaching me how to write, for putting that pen in my hand and telling me that the things I wrote were worth it.
Thank you for the word “love.”
Since you left, I have been trying to find its meaning, and Gilbert, I think I have.
Love is the hope that the people around you can be better, and the will to make them happy. Love is a stuffed dog and a quiet knock on the door that promises a warm meal and good company. Love is hopping across lakes on leaves that weren’t mean to hold you; it’s the smile when you know you’re home. Love can be a change of clean clothes or a hug or opening a letter from someone who loves you back.
Love is sacrifice, and joy, and hope and freedom and pain and hard work. Love is you, and I miss you.
Love is not gone. Gilbert, I’ve found it, and it may not be exactly what I thought it would be. It may not be exactly what I was looking for, but it is everything I need.
With love,
Violet Evergarden